₦airaland Forum

WideMouth333:
Baba olowo d long prick funny stories....

I started looking for salary jobs I could do. But I couldn't find any .
It was during one of my job hunt I met one woman that told me she needs someone that would be her driver ..
I have never driven a car in my life but when I heard she will pay 70k per month.. I quickly told her I can drive ,
She did not even wait to confirm ,she just told me to resume the next morning cos she have somewhere important I would be driving her too...
See gobe... I reach house and told my friend ,he laughed And told me to call her and tell her I'm not interested in the job ..i told him I can't do that ,.as we were still discussing,his neighbor in the next room joined the conversation ...
(The rooms are so closed together that if u drop a cup ,the next room will hear ,)
He shouted " don't tell her u can't drive oo , just wait I dey come '..
When he entered our room he then explained to me that driving is easy if the car is automatic..he said guy see
"Once you enter,start the car , place your leg on the right hand pad slowly which is the break and then put the gear to R (reverse) or D (drive). ... Simple .
So I spent the next three hours learning how to drive automatic cars from brother Thomas that is an okada man...
When I resumed the next day at work like a real driver ...the woman gave me a car key then told me to go and warm the car before we leave..
I quickly go to her Benz and press car key but na the Hilux truck sound pin pin...I realized we would be taking the Hilux and not her Benz Jeep...
When I opened the Hilux I was shocked..I saw 3 leg pads instead of 2 that brother Thomas told me ...
I carry phone call brother Thomas...he was already on his okada ,I explained my situation..he then told me " Na manual be that na ..and na the same thing..Guy wise up "...
See kasala.... The woman came out fully dressed and entered the car ,na so I start the car but as a wise guy I acted as if the car is faulty, I open bonnet and told her .we can't go out with this car..
She called her mechanic and insulted him for spoiling her car:,she then went in and brought out the Benz car key...
My mind came down ..once we enter I follow brother Thomas instructions,and I put the gear to R ..
As the car was reversing slowly and I was leaving the gate . Next thing I heard someone screaming " yeeeee My leg ooooooooo".....
The idiot gateman had stayed too close to the car thinking I can drive and me don scatter his leg with tire ...
Me and my madam was scared. I personally thought someone died , when I got down and I saw the gateman scattered leg, I told him sorry no vex..
But lucky for me the madam did not blame me , she told me she had warn him several times to always stay far from the car ... She gave him some cash to get medicine ..
We enter car back , a little scared . At this point something told me to confess I can't drive .
But another mind said "Continue but be careful'..
I reversed out, put the car to drive , press acceleration pad and the journey started ...
At first it felt Good..like play like play Nonso don Sabi drive be that
.. everything was going well because the road was free and less traffic.
Na so madam tell me make I stop beside Tastee fried Chicken, she gave me some money and told me to help her get something cos she has not eaten yet .
I wanted to off the car but she told me to leave it on cos she was enjoying the A c .
Now the werey called brother Thomas forget to teach me that once u want to stop in traffic or anywhere put the gear to P (park)
Me I just get down from the car like that and the gear is still on D (Drive)
Next thing I heard madam voice screaming my name "Nonso ooooooooo" .... I turn back And both madam and car don dey go ..
Omo I started pursuing the car , screaming jesus!! madam o Madam o...
People joined me too ... but the car was moving very fast.. and was heading to a police checkpoint.
When police saw the car and people at the back running after it they thought the driver is a thief , they brought out thier gun and pointed to the car indicating that if it don't stop they will shoot ... As my madam see Gun..
She jumped out of the running car with her fat body ,
She landed like an elephant and was rolling like ball before she stopped...
When I saw this I know my own had finished...
I started crying and cursing brother Thomas for encouraging me ...
Pls comment if u would like to hear the remaining story...

Baba olowo d long prick funny stories.......

Ol'boy you must continue and end this funny journey you have started, or it becomes wickedness.

Mumusaphire:
Taliban. All Nigeria women must wear this.

Including pocohontas and ishilove.

They will look super in that homogeneous garb.

Brighton 4 to ManU. This is beyond belief.

The whole team should shamefully resign, including the coaching crew. They have all failed.

Please, what's really wrong with ManU?

Why has its players deteriorated so much on all fronts?

The whole team needs to be overhauled.

Sweetplum:
Juju don spoil o. Chelsea iyaf escaped.
I go catch Una another time.

Sorry, wrong prediction.

See ya next time.

Sweetplum:
Sha do quick and go to bed.

I will notify you when about to fall asleep, and will be waiting for you gidigba.

Meanwhile my boys are working it out, remains another one by Lukaku again to make it an hat trick for him. Then game close.

43Ronin:
Achillis injury

Thanks.

Sweetplum:
I ll slap you in your dream tonight. No worry.

Omo, don't try it, my Guardian Lion will tear you apart.

If you know, you know.

Sweetplum:
I m here to witchcraft Chelsea. Dem no go win. Chelsea gbas, gbos, gbes, die, die, die!

Unfortunately for you, I am a witch catcher. Your power is neutralised.

Gbas, gbos to the Wolves.

Chelsea live, live.

The goal is in.

More to come.

Please what happened to Hudson Odoi?

I am missing him.

Sweetplum:
Chelsea die, die, die!

Auntie wetin Chelsea do you?

Chelsea live, live, live!!!

OyeofIkoTuN:
you just kee the baby for nothing, Try kill crocodile wey be your age and mate

He no fit dare dat one, him go run katakata.

The video is highly revealing of the relationship between the APC's presidential contestants and their high class supporters.

Tinubu is definitely the man of the moment because many of the politicians in the meeting owe their ascendancy to him.

Though Osinbajo was not given wide recognition in the meeting, but it is apparent that Akeredolu is in his camp.

While Aregbesola has somehow become a black sheep, many were avoiding him in the video.

But who is the old jolly man in white, he is friend to all, enemy to none.

Unknown Gunmen are also eating the national cake now through Emefiele.

Hope this will satisfy their hunger for power through violence.

DUNDEEMASTER:
So why is everybody interested in Emefiele matter.
Are they not seeing Amaechi, Osibanjo and co.
Afonja are a d remains the worst pple to associate with. They keep talking from side of there mouth.
They can backstab for Africa
I rather dine an Hausa and Fulani that this pple

I thought the Hausa/Fulanis were the one killing your people during the civil war, so why your sudden love for them?

O, I have forgotten, the Igbos have always been the lackeys of the Hausa/Fulani, they parley with them in the 1st and 2nd republics, and they leave their own APGA to cling to PDP since this current dispensation eating crumbs from the Fulani's PDP table.

Jonathan took away their chance after Yaradua, now it is the Yorubas turn again to eat the national cake, and they are now shouting betrayal, now please who is the betrayer?

Dagenius53:
After seeing the headline, I knew it will be SAHARA DESERT.

You gorrit wrang bro,

The name is Sahara Reporter. The only CREDIBLE investigative online newspaper in Nigeria. And the nemesis of all the high and mighty, and the not so high and mighty thieves and rogues in Nigeria government and the general public.

pappilo:
Bro whatever you do, do not, I repeat, do not get married! You will always regret it. I love my late dad, he was the best dad anyone could ask for but if I see him in the afterlife, I will ask him why he never told me the truth about marriage and advise me no to get married.

Love someone (with sense), have children, live together but never ever sign your life away. Finally do not let any woman you are with know everything about you.

The first thing that deteriorates after marriage is your sex life. I think its a psychological thing. Maybe the subconscious feeling that you've both got each other for 'life' messes with the brain.

I was married for 14 years. My ex-wife started a relationship with a work colleague and a month after using the police to kick me out of my house, the dude left his own family and moved into my house.

I was charged with several offences for an altercation I had with the guy when I caught him in my house. My ex-wife (we were still married at the time) the mother of my children came to the crown court to testify against me on his behalf. The jury saw through their lies and determination to send me to prison and acquited me on all charges (over 5)

Its been a few years but I still shudder at the thought that I believed so much in this woman and chose her over my own siblings.

Attached is msg I got from her this morning. This is despite her taking the house which I put
down 66% of the deposit. This woman earns almost double what I earn and I pay her over a quarter of my net earnings for child maintenance.

You'll probably still go ahead and get married but its almost guaranteed that one day in the future you will look back and wish you heeded the advice of many people who told you not to

Sorry Bro, I emphatize with your pains.

The world has lost it (especially the Western world) when it signed everything over to the women. It has been going downhill since then, because women have not the emotional discipline to handle such overwhelming power over marital relationship. It has led to easy divorce, family destabilisation and a highly cynical and disenchanted group of children.

Pleads:
The world has left Africa behind

Africa was never in any race, technologically speaking, with the world hitherto.

This marks the end of Nigeria's lifeline: the sale of crude oil �.

Hope this will intensify the breakup of the severely raped and molested country.

Welcome to the Greenpeace World, the savior of the Planet Earth.

Wizzy13:
i was invited and i was even to pay for it
am cute, i have rejected many offers from girls to do that with them just because of her
i feel its over between us cos its shows a lot

When you know this, why are you asking us again?

Love surely can make one pathetic.

treesun:
The landlord collected rent!

Did you read the report, or you are just here to comment off hand?

Benny6944:
A bag of rice will serve them throughout his tenure if he wins right?

No sir.

wink2015:
He could possibly have been murdered by an assailant that was hiding inside that office.

After killing him the next step was to present the incident as if the expatriate staff committed suicides.

Too much Netflix movies not good for you. It has stretched your imagination beyond limit. This is Nigeria and Lagos is not in Sicily or NYC where that can happen.

just2endowed:
One year and 27 days time... Brace up bro

Too long.

Half the nation go don die before the time.

Malory:
Meaning Yoruba nation is dead and buried?

Meaning Yoruba Nation is alive and kicking, even in the hearts of our elites.

All Hail Yoruba Nation!!!

We shall all reach the Promise Land soon.

Pickford must be on drug. Picking 3 Chelsea goal bound shots in seconds. He needs to be tested.

post=112427465:
It's very very likely that this game won't end 11 aside.

The game is too rough, might end up in physical fight.

Everton fighting roughly for survival in this match.

If not I am Chelsea fan, would have love them to win the match because of Lampard.

SKIBiNSKI:
Who da hell gives a shit about the dead? Just cremate the hell outta their rotten carcasses! It's not as if they would notice.. in India and Pakistan they burn the damm rotten bodies! You people should do the same!


I have already donated the whole of my body to the NHS when i finally dies at the age of 100 after smoking alota weed and drinking gallons of Jack Daniel's whiskey for years, they can keep my dead body when i die..

With all the Jack Daniels and weeds you are depositing in the body, you still believe you will live to be 100 years old? Guy you must be in lalalaland.

hammermcc:
No one has replied my suggestion about compulsory property tax. In Nigeria most people do not pay property tax both for land and house , Once you buy a land and build a house in Nigeria ,it's yours forever, that should not be the case. there must be compulsory property tax. the money will be used to build and maintain roads, street lights, waste removal, etc. Even if the land is empty , the land owner must be paying tax for that land. that will discourage people from fighting over land due to the responsibilities involved. Also, land owners would be encouraged to utilize profit from their land and property , in order to generate profit to maintain the land. For example , a landowner can use their land for agriculture to generate profit.
the bigger the house and amenities and land, the bigger the property tax.

If a land owner or home owner defaults on payment of property tax, the land and house would be seized by the authorities .

Let me give you example, if Michael Jackson's Neverland was in Nigeria, he would not lose it because most Nigerians do not pay income tax, property tax ,sales tax ,etc.

There must also be compulsory insurance for all cars, whether the person is driving the car or not, he or she must pay insurance for that car . that will deter people from buying 10 cars . Also wrongful parking and overloading of vehicles must be heavily fined

we must learn from what other successful countries are doing and do the right thing or we will keep going in circles in the name of backward traditions and culture.

So the money that politicians and bureaucrats are stealing from you through tax, custom and excise payments is not enough? You want to give them more to loot.
Oga you must be a financial masochist to even suggest this.

He is just wasting his precious loot.

He is going nowhere.

No way bro.

Nobody gets the presidency on a platter of gold.

You want it, you work for it by winning the people's support nationally.

But unfortunately the Igbos have little friends out there to support their aspiration. Even among themselves they are not united.