₦airaland Forum

Is marriage a favour to a woman? Why should a woman ignore herself and live according to the bidding of a man who is also a human being like her? Women are not dogs to be chained and controlled.

If you are a woman still falling for useless write-ups like this, you need a serious mental check-up.

Many marriages in Nigeria are built on a master-slave structure. So why are so many women suffering and unhappy? Why do we hear so many bitter stories in the media about gullible, submissive women who went through hell? Why did Osinachi die, even though she was humble?

The societal structure of marriage in Nigeria often brings suffering to women, but women can choose to enjoy their lives by loving themselves and prioritizing themselves first.

The major issue in many marriages is choosing the wrong partner. If a woman marries a man who truly loves her, she will naturally enjoy the marriage without stress. There are men who cannot stand seeing their woman in pain or suffering.

It is exhausting that in 2026, we are still hearing, "my husband destroyed my life." You could be a destiny carrier or holder of immense potential; don't let anyone destroy you. Stay away from men who want to ruin your mission and purpose. Be intentional about choosing the right partner. Your life isn't just about being a wife; you can be a wife, a mother, a professional, and a trailblazer.

Though by nature, I am not loud or troublesome, I am calm and soft-spoken; but my actions speak very loudly. When I know what is right for me, I act; even if it upsets others. I may apologize to calm the waters, but I never compromise my values or allow anyone to control my life.

If it is petty decisions like "don't go there" or "do this or that," I can let it go. But when someone starts meddling in my career or priorities, that is when they see the real me.

You see those women who shout, argue, and get emotional? They are nice. Me? I don't have the energy for physical arguments. When I know something is wrong for me and could have a negative impact, and my partner insists on his way, I quietly do what I know is right. If he finds out and makes a big deal, I might apologize to calm things down. If it happens again, I repeat the action and continue doing my thing until he learns.

Don't bend or shrink your core values. If a man wants to leave because you refuse to let him destroy your life, open the door wide and let him go. You are not a sacrificial lamb; you don't have to die, suffer, or end up bitter like so many women today.

Marriage is not a place where a woman loses herself to prove loyalty. It is meant to be a safe space, not a battlefield. It is where two people come together to support each other's dreams, purpose, and happiness; not where one person disappears.

Ladies, you are allowed to exist fully, to grow, and to choose yourself without guilt. Don't let your marriage reduce, silence, or erase you.

#YouMatterJustAsMuchAsHeDoes

I'm feeling so down and worried. My dog has mange. It was treated before and I thought it had cleared up. I was away for a while and when I came back I noticed he still has it.

Yesterday he started looking weak, and today he seems very tired. I've already called the vet and he said he would come tomorrow.

Has anyone dealt with mange that didn't clear up after treatment? What treatments or steps helped your dog recover?

advanceDNA:
But… why do yall get angry because u paid for your own meal?? Im just honestly curious . do yall just naturally feel u are entitled to a free meal because a guy wants to get get to know you??

Dont get me wrong… its fine if the guy wants to take the tab, but if he doesnt want to, why is it a big deal for you women to pay for your own meal.. ??

It is not about entitlement; it is about fairness and courtesy. If someone asks me on a date, it is common courtesy for them to offer to pay the bill. I do the same: when I invite friends; male or female to meals, I usually cover the cost because I am the one who extended the invitation.

Why would paying for my own meal even be a big deal? It is not like I don't visit eateries and restaurants on my own.

My dear, I treat myself very well and eat well.

Hanging out is about company and connection, not free meals. I don't accept every invitation, especially if it would be pointless.

I don't take advantage. I stick to what I usually order. Often, it is the other person who suggests upscale options or encourages extras.

If spending is a concern, the person extending the invitation should discuss it beforehand or choose a simple spot.

If someone is still a stranger to me and I don't see things going further, I keep it modest; usually no more than 20k.

Ruth15:
Good day everyone.

So there's this issue that has been bothering me since yesterday and it has left me in a state of bafflement.

I met a guy on Thursday and I gave him my number. On Friday,he asked me if we could hang out and of which I obliged to. Mind you, before I agreed to go out with him,I told him I'd be coming with two of my other female friends and of which he said no problem. He even jokingly asked me if my friends were single and I told him yes. He then jestfully promised to hook them up with two of his other male friends and we both laughed over it .

So ,on Saturday which happened to be yesterday,we finally got to our agreed destination. I ordered for three bottles of coca cola and three fish pies,while my friends and I were awaiting them. Eventually they showed up and we were vibing. When it was time to pay for what I initially ordered for,I was expecting this dude to be a gentleman and go and pay for all the stuffs we bought on his behalf. But unfortunately,he wasn't making any move. So I stood up and wanted to pay. Unfortunately my bank was having network problem. But guys,guess what happened next. This dude and his friends stood up and left us stranded. Like they actually left, without thinking about what we'd be subjected to. Had it been I didn't have the money or went unprepared,that would have been an entirety different case but for goodness sake,it was just an ordinary bank network problems. And it was just ordinary 5k,and not something too big for a girl like me to pay without a blink of an eye. Omo,everything became blurry and I was wondering about what guys are turning into nowadays. Could this be a sign of being an alpha male or should I call it stoopidity? Because I was really embarrassed and I don't think I'd ever blame ladies who tend to be brutal to men from henceforth because I don't just understand what young men of these days are turning into.

Please guys,did I do wrong at all?

Obembet Dominique mynd44 Seun nlfpmod.

Sorry about your experience; that must have been really embarrassing.

That said, courtesy usually demands waiting for the other party before ordering food, especially when you are still basically strangers. You could order drinks while you wait; it is only when the waiting stretches too long that ordering food or snacks is okay.

Personally, if a guy buys food before I arrive, I would take that as a red flag.

ebubeson:
If a lady above thirty has in mind a dream wedding that is expensive and only a very rich guy to marry, then she may not be serious.
A lady above thirty, especially not in very early thirties should work out these.

(1) Inform parents before hand that your bride price should not be expensive but affordable to anyone that wants to marry you.

(2) Make up your mind for a cheap wedding if advanced wedding doesnt come forth.

(3) Marry a comfortable person if no very rich guy is coming.
If sugar daddies have made you to look at guys who earns 500k as broke, then you may be delayed finding a partner.

(4) Hasten the wedding process if you are sure you are with your God-given partner.

So let me get this straight: after thirty, a woman's standards are irrelevant, her desires a luxury, and she must just rush to marry the man who shows up. Society, aren't you tired of these outdated philosophies? What is this, the 80s, when women were expected to settle without questioning?

What is so special about being a married woman? What is so special about being called a wife? What value does living with a man bring? If you are happy and fulfilled while single, and marriage threatens that stability, why choose it? If marriage offers no real benefit, why enter it at all?

Many marriages today are more like two people living together like roommates, sharing space and access to each other's personal lives and belongings. In some cases, one even bullies or suppresses the other. Marriage should give as much as it takes. If it only takes, only demands, only drains; then it is not marriage. It is a society-approved roommate arrangement pretending to be sacred.

Basic human needs for survival do not include the need for a partner. Our essential needs are food, water, clothing, shelter, safety, and the freedom to live authentically. Beyond survival, humans thrive on autonomy, self-respect, purpose, and meaningful connection; none of which require a spouse. We are not each other's oxygen. Men and women can survive, thrive, and find fulfillment independently. Aside from the natural process of procreation, we may not even need each other.

Marriage should not be about simply having someone or sharing space. It should enhance your life, complement your growth, and bring meaning. A true marriage is an exchange; give and take, strengthen and support. Anything less is a compromise of your life, energy, and identity.

This is not hatred toward men. This is about clarity, self-love, and recognizing that society is often wrong.

I have seen many responsible men; in fact, my bf is one. When we first met, I remember telling him I didn't want to ever get married. He said that with time, I would realize the benefits of marriage and be open to it. Now, I can comfortably refer to him as my husband to be because he embodies the qualities I admire, understands me deeply, and has the potential to be both a good husband and a devoted father.

Ask yourself: what is the benefit of my union with this person? Does he strengthen my life, bring peace, inspire my growth, or support my purpose? Or is he simply a label, a title, a societal expectation? If you cannot answer these questions; if you cannot see why he is necessary in your life; then don't marry him. The last thing you need is an empty presence; he would just become a burden that is hard to let go of.

Many marry for approval, not for alignment with their soul; and that is a trap. Marriage should be chosen consciously, not imposed by society, fear, or habit. It should be a space where life is shared, not surrendered. If it does not elevate you, challenge you, and complement your existence, it is not marriage; it is merely a society-approved lifelong contract to coexist.

Remember: survival, growth, and fulfillment do not depend on a spouse. Your happiness is yours to claim. Your life is yours to live fully. Marriage is an option, not a requirement. This is the liberating truth.

When women are empowered, families become stronger, communities flourish, and society benefits from the contributions of everyone.

May God bless every good and responsible father and husband in Nigeria (excluding irresponsible ones). Women need understanding, encouragement, and real opportunities to thrive; at home, in their careers, and in leadership.

Dpsychologist:
He who uses sugarcane as a walking stick will soon eat it. And you cannot keep a monkey and a banana in the same place.

Let’s stop pretending. A man and a woman cannot be besties for long without emotions getting involved — especially when they’re constantly together, talking daily, sharing secrets, and soothing each other’s emotional wounds. You can call it “pure friendship” all you want, but biology and human nature have never signed that agreement with you.

Every emotional bond carries a seed of attraction. And when that seed is watered with consistency, vulnerability, and comfort, it will germinate. That’s not temptation — that’s science and psychology teaming up against your denial.

When your girlfriend has a male bestie or your boyfriend has a female bestie, you’re not being insecure for feeling uneasy. You’re being observant. History has receipts, and patterns don’t lie.

It always starts innocently — a late-night chat, inside jokes, venting about the main partner, “we just vibe differently,” and before long, they’re emotionally entangled. Then one weak moment later, it becomes “it was the devil’s handwork.”
No, it wasn’t. It was poor boundaries wearing perfume and smiling.

Let’s be honest — emotional intimacy is more dangerous than physical touch. When someone knows your deepest fears, insecurities, and dreams, they gain access to your heart’s password. And the moment your partner finds that comfort in another person, emotional betrayal has already begun — long before any physical line is crossed.

So no, it’s not paranoia to draw boundaries. It’s wisdom.
Because prevention will always be cheaper than damage control.

If you don’t want chaos, don’t build the stage for it.
If you don’t want to “blame the devil,” stop giving him rehearsal space in your friendship.

Men and women can be friends — yes.
But best friends? Constantly close, emotionally bonded, and always available? That’s not friendship anymore — that’s a slow-motion love story waiting for the right mistake.

Boundaries are not mistrust. They’re respect for reality.
Because as long as blood flows through veins and attraction remains a human instinct, no one is immune to the fire that emotional closeness can ignite.

So before you say “it was the devil’s handwork,” remember — the devil doesn’t force hands. He just creates opportunities.

#BoundariesSaveRelationships
#PatternsDontLie
#PreventionOverExcuses

It is reasonable to limit chatting or outings with the opposite sex while in a relationship in order to avoid unnecessary jealousy and to respect your partner's feelings. But that is about consideration and boundaries; it does not mean that friendship between a man and a woman is destined to turn romantic or sexual.

The idea that emotional closeness between a man and a woman will automatically lead to sexual attraction is not biological and does not reflect everyone's reality. If that were the case, relationships between even opposite-sex siblings would frequently become romantic; which clearly is not the case.

Many friendships feel more like sibling relationships than romantic ones. If someone even begins to develop feelings, adults are capable of recognizing the change and creating distance or adjusting boundaries. Intimacy does not simply happen by accident; it involves conscious choices from the people involved.

Attraction is personal and experienced differently by each individual. Not everyone thinks about sex or interprets emotional closeness as sexual. Personally, sex is not something that naturally sits at the front of my mind when interacting with people. Even when my bf says romantic things like he can't wait to kiss me or talks about marriage and having kids, my first thoughts are often about how awkward physical closeness feels. There are many things I personally find awkward, I even find it uncomfortable to eat from the same plate or share utensils with someone, whether male or female.

Everyone experiences friendship and closeness differently; friendship doesn't automatically lead to romance.

Chicious:
You won't even recognize what a "real man" is even if he was standing right besides you. What you just described is a form of a human being from your own imagination or fantasy.

Quoting scripture on this doesn't make your description or definition stronger; it only exposes your ignorance.

If your version of manhood requires women to shrink so you can feel bigger, then what you are describing isn't "manhood." It is hypocrisy and control; wrapped in religious language to make it sound sacred.

Fearing God is not a personality trait, it is just a belief system. It does not automatically produce integrity, kindness, or emotional maturity. A man's character is revealed in his daily behaviour and most of all in how he treats those around him, including his wife and children.

Let me be clear: women were not created to be supporting characters in a man's divine storyline. You are simply confusing culture with God's principles. A woman can have her own mission and calling in obedience to God. Deborah led both men and women under God's direction. Husbands are not spiritual gatekeepers to women's relationship with God. Women in scripture were prophets, leaders, business owners, and disciples. They had direct access to God.

Being "God-fearing" does not guarantee you are a good husband. There are unbelievers who love sacrificially, and there are believers who weaponize religion to dominate and silence.

In simple words: a real man doesn't need to suppress or control others to feel secure. He earns respect and authority through integrity, responsibility, accountability, and how he shows up in his family, his career, and his community; not through entitlement, demands for control, or hiding behind religion.

Chicious:
All these real men this, real men that no longer works anymore, this is unsubmissive modern women ways of CONTROLLING men.
Men knows what to do when they see a woman who truly loves, reverence and submits to them, you as a women do not tell a man what he ought to do, afterall he is a leader in the relationship and ought to know the direction to stir it in according to his vision, the woman is there to help him in it and do all she can to bring it to fruition.

Relax. I wasn't addressing your category. I was simply describing real men who naturally earn respect. You insecure ones who think having chromosomes entitles you to respect were simply just mentioned for contrast.

Chicious:
Typical of a modern woman. Always more interested in the wedding day itself than the marriage and how to properly build a home.

Interesting logic; so enjoying a beautiful wedding day even when I have the ability to do so, automatically cancels out my ability to have a happy and healthy marriage? Some people really think over-management or choosing to suffer are virtues. You better limit this useless logic to your partner.

Both of them are wrong. And they are not even meant for each other, they aren't compatible, and their goals and values doesn't even align.

Communication is not yelling, insulting, or turning every disagreement into a shouting match. That is toxic and immature. But communication is also not making major decisions in your partner's absence and then presenting them as a final verdict. That is equally immature.

Even if you believe in leading your home, this is not how leadership works. You might make most of the decisions, but important matters; especially those that directly affect your partner's life; must be properly discussed, not downplayed. Taking initiative or leading financially is fine, but the moment you make major decisions that deeply involve her without consultation, it stops being leadership and starts being control.

Marriage requires emotional regulation, accountability, and teamwork. Right now, they are both failing at that.

Introduction is not a solo mission. It is not something you adjust like you are editing your personal budget. It is a cultural ceremony that involves her, her family, and her dignity. Slashing the budget from 170k to 76k without prior discussion is not a "minor adjustment." That is more than a 50% cut. Anyone would feel blindsided and disregarded.

Feeling disappointed is not the same as being unreasonable. Accountability matters. If you make a decision that affects both of you without discussion, you don't get to act shocked when your partner reacts. That pattern is a serious red flag. Today it is introduction money. Tomorrow it could be career decisions.

At the same time, constantly reacting with yelling instead of calm conversation is also a major red flag.

The truth is simple: they are not even mature enough for marriage right now. And their values, financial expectations, and communication styles are clearly misaligned. If they rush into marriage, it won't magically improve; it will escalate. He needs to stop making unilateral decisions and then playing victim.

She needs to stop responding with aggression.

If you see repeated red flags before marriage and still jump in hoping love will fix everything, that is simply gambling.

.

Dtruthspeaker:
She is angry that her plans are still scattering even after they had almost worked

My 'angry' era tastes just amazing.

Today's Bunch for me and my pet dogs: Extra-large pizza, Item 7 Go shawarma, Cold Stone ice-cream, A bucket of chicken, Burger, Sandwiches, and Krispy Kreme donuts.

Wow, it tastes so lovely to be angry.

Dtruthspeaker:
All you women today are very veri batd things. And funny how you people like wearing red.

I like wearing blue, not red

I just noticed I wrote infertility rather than infidelity.

Saybal:
Men in all you do avoid this type of bitter woman and it will be well with you in your marriage or relationship

Assumption is the problem here. Some people just assume they are men and start deciding for all men. The funniest thing is that the real men don't even consider certain types of species as part of them. Being a man is not just about having XY chromosomes.

I am not marrying rubbish, so your prayer is not needed. Reserve your prayer for your daughter or your future daughter because if she ends up with your kind, she would need your prayer and fasting a lot.

Oops, with patience, I have been able to find a man I can consider my peace, and he also sees me as his peace 🤣. A few days ago, he was telling me, "You are just so soft-spoken and respectful. Ladies like you are scarce." This is one of the ways you know a man who also prioritizes your happiness, not just his. He totally avoided the word "submissive" without even knowing I hate the word. I even pulled his leg to make him use it, but he was like, "Babe, it is a chained dog that can be excited with control. As a human being, you have a mind of your own. Not everything I want will sit well with you. And if something doesn't sit well with you, the proper thing to do is to sit down and have a proper discussion together before concluding."

He even shared stories about controlling men, laughed about their ways, and referred to them as users. He concluded with, "Babe, you know what? I always want you to be happy. Please allow me to make you happy." Did you hear that? Allow me to make you happy; not "If you want me to be happy, do this and that." Their list no dey finish. Uselessd set of things.

Every career woman needs to avoid some kind of species. It is even better for them not to marry than to have a worthless thing in their life.

That is how a woman who happens to be a medical doctor was asked by her husband to resign after she got a promotion at work. They are just worthless species; they can render your many years of hard work useless.

ReacherSaidNoth:
Defend your kind if you must, she is a bad women that will only bring regret and misery.

Mr Good man, there are many "good women" who can align with you. Stop disturbing "bad women." We know our peace. We are not into iron benders.

When a Nigerian guy starts talking about "good woman" and "bad woman" like this, I already know what he wants in a woman: gullible, obedient, submissive, and controllable; and I am nothing like that. Anyway, I am a "bad woman" with a conscience, I always avoid guys like you.

One guy once told me, "I love you more because you are submissive." From that day on, I started avoiding him. Till today, he doesn't know what he did wrong. Guys like them are often super- controlling. Some of them would even make major decisions in their woman's life without sitting down to have a proper discussion about the matter. I know their type very well. Even if it is just one important decision that truly matters to you, they won't calm down to talk things through. Instead, they will paint you as a bad woman to everyone.

They"ll be saying things like, "I can't even tell my wife what to do; this is all I'm asking her to do. Is it too much?" They immediately forget all the times she has been silent, all the sacrifices she has made, and all the times she complied without questioning. Some of them can even become violent and start insulting or beating their woman up over the issue. Very narcissistic set of people. I am not competing for the position of "good woman." I just want a peaceful, happy and quiet life for myself.

His lady is even better. My own future wedding checklist doesn't have anything like management on it. What is a wedding without hype? 🤣 Segun Johnson is even on my wedding checklist (Sho ma no wo yen tan? Sho ma no wo yen tan? Are you spending or not? Are you spending or not? 😄)

If my dream wedding is his red flag, then he is also my red flag. I can save for what I want, but I won't downsize my dreams just to please someone's ego. That day is specially for creating beautiful memories.

She is not a bad woman. You guys are simply not compatible.

PerfectStranger:
As a young lady, you don't make your love for a guy transactional and expect the relationship not to be transactional.

After breakup or divorce, every man should collect back whatever they wish to.

Legally and lawfully, a gift is a gift. Once it is given, ownership transfers to the recipient. You cannot take back what you willingly gave simply because the relationship ended; that is not how civil law works. If a woman chooses to return something, that is her decision, not your entitlement. In fact, if she gives anything back to you, it is purely an act of generosity; she is being philanthropic, a good Samaritan; while you just a beneficiary of her goodwill.

Giving is a way of expressing love; even Biblically. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son." Love gives without issuing invoices. It is not transactional.

Logically, both people gave in the relationship. Your money, gifts, and gestures were your way of expressing love. Her time, loyalty, emotions, presence, and thoughtful gestures were hers. You were both giving freely. There was no refund policy attached.

A gift is not a loan. Refunds do not apply to love.

Why you even acting with bitterness? How exactly is it her fault that the relationship didn't work out? Just as you hoped it would succeed, she hoped so too. If someone demands reimbursement for moments that were shared willingly, perhaps it was never love to begin with.

Secure men don't keep receipts. They give because they choose to. When it ends, they walk away with dignity; not invoices; and love again without resentment.

Many financially secure men provide luxurious outings, thoughtful surprises, expensive gifts, even cars because they can comfortably afford them. In most cases, they would still enjoy fine dining, travel, and the lifestyle they are accustomed to regardless. They simply choose to share it with someone they care about.

Fine dinners, trips, beautiful gifts, cars, and special gestures are not investments waiting for returns. They are expressions of affection. For a secure man, generosity is not a burden; it is part of the joy. Seeing the woman he is with happy is part of the experience. Creating beautiful memories together is the reward.

That is not a transaction. That is love expressed in his own language.

essentialone:
‎Listen to me bro, immediately the relationship ends, properties should go back to the rightful owner.

How do I mean?

For instance, if you happened to buy her a phone when you both are in relationship, and she decided to break up with you. Take the phone you bought back with other valuables without looking back.
‎
‎There is always a reason you fund a w00man. Purpose. Loyalty. Growth. Peace. Respect — The moment that reason dies, your funding must die with it.
‎If the mission is over, pull your resources back. Not emotionally but practically.
‎
‎Too many w00men are running soft scams in the name of love. Dating as a business model. Affection as a subscription. S€x as a bait. Bills as a lifestyle.
‎
‎They don’t respect m0ney because they didn’t sweat for it. They didn’t grind for it.
‎They didn’t bleed for it. So they spend it like it grows back on your body.
‎
‎Hear this clearly bro; 👇
‎
‎Your hustle is not charity. Your provision is not entitlement. Your generosity is not a lifetime contract.
‎If she stops adding value, you stop adding funds. If she stops respecting you, you stop sponsoring her comfort. If she walks away, she walks away empty handed with only what legally belongs to her.
‎
‎Anything you paid for that is yours, is yours. Anything you funded for a purpose that no longer exists, is done.
‎
‎Stop confusing love with foolishness.
‎Stop financing disrespect. Stop rewarding manipulation.
‎
‎A w00man who truly loves you won’t milk you. A w00man who respects you won’t drain you. A w00man who understands hustle won’t treat your m0ney like free m0ney.
‎
‎Protect your resources. Protect your legacy. Protect your sweat. Because broke men are made by emotional spending.
‎
‎Most importantly, hold your m0ney to your chest. Because without your m0ney — you are nobody to her.
‎
‎Learn and apply.
‎
‎Class dismissed.
‎Till I come your way again.
‎Keep following for more.

Can you show me one real man who cries over gifts after a breakup? Only little boys think this way. When a relationship doesn't work out, secure men simply move on, because relationships are about connection, not transactions. That is why they walk away peacefully when the connection doesn't click or grow.

My brother, women are not dogs that you can cage with gifts. You better just get yourself a female bingo; with just treats, she would be following you up and down.

Even those real men offering to take women on several trips overseas, don't cage women. But you; just for a mere phone; you are already acting like means of survival. Personally, I just don't even allow guys to fund my trips when we travel together. I do this just to avoid any sense of sexual entitlement coming up.

There are 365 days in a year, some guys would go on two days dating in a year to an eatery with her lady and you would start feeling like means of survival.

essentialone:
‎Bro, at 30, all your secondary school or high school famale class mates would almost be married, yet you'll still be aging gracefully.
‎Only a quarter of the male might be married.
‎
‎Don't rush. Otherwise, you may end up living with a dem0n for the rest of your awful life. Don't beg any girl to marry you or stay. You have enough time to decide.
‎
‎If you appear desperate, she'll make rules for you, she'll tell you "buy me shawarma, pizza, high hill, cars, take me to Dubai etc out of your will.
‎
‎She has the Clock, you have the time. Relax. Don't rush.
‎
‎If she wants to leave, let her leave, you can't bend to satisfy her selfish demands, rules, standards and regulations.
‎
‎Understand that w00men have a Biological clock. Men have a Financial Clock. Don't be a victim of her biological clock.
‎
‎She is on a rush to beat the clock. This is none of your business. Be the designer of your financial clock.
‎Do not waste her time, be direct, tell her what you want. She is racing against her biological clock.
‎
‎Girls born around 2006 will be 20 years this year. There's enough supply into the dating market yearly.
‎Buying flowers, pizza and chocolates to win her attention is a waste of her time.
‎
‎Never ever rush into a w00man’s biological clock.
‎At 30, her friends are pressurizing her to get married making her feel inadequate.
‎
‎She will give you ultimatums. You are not Jesus to save her.
‎
‎Don't be on a rescue mission. She can leave if she feels your commitment is slow.
‎
‎Do not be a Simp.
‎
‎Class dismissed.
‎Till I come your way again.
‎Keep following for more.

O thou saviour of single women, please come to our rescue. Don't leave us, don't leave us.

Pele o, the chosen saviour. Is it only that thing under your trouser that is making you feel like oxygen, or is there something else we don't know?

This recitation of yours is looking like a manual for insecure men. You better take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself.

Host78:
Again, "success" or wealth is not the reason why any of these men married these women.

Most of them worked in close quarters and fell in love. Zuckerberg met Priscilla in school not when she was successful anything.

Both Brad Pitt and Angelina were successful, but he wouldn't dare her until they acted a romantic movie together. Again, working in close quarters.

Michelle was Obama's senior in office and he was assigned to her as a mentee.

Same with Bill and Melinda. These guys mostly worked in close quarters. None of these men married because any of their partners because of the success they achieved.

If you read just beyond the headline and see how this people met their partners and what the men saw in their women, you'll not find an iota of "success" in their narrative.

But keep piling up snows thinking you're making points.

Also, look at your environment. Everyday, rich men are getting married to broke girls even while constantly complaining about girls being broke.

But as soon as they make money, the run to their jobless girlfriends and get married to them.

If success is a consideration for men like most women, most women won't be married today.

No man cares about a woman's money when it comes to romantic relationship. Not a single man in this world.

Once a man makes money, that's all he needs to get married. In fact, the real reason a man works to become successful is primarily so that his wife doesn't work.

Look at your Achalugo and odogwu movies. How many times does the man ask the girl to leave her successful business?

Check all movies in such genres, you'll find this same patten in them where the successful man doesn't want his wife to work.

In fact, you as a woman having money disqualifies you for most men because any hardworking man with self respect wants to be the "man" of the home he's building.

He wants to buy the house you move in, he wants to buy you things and for his children. He wants to lead the home.

Forget this "team" and "partner" nōnsense. Every man desires to lead his family.

Your entire argument is just anecdotes. History is full of counterexamples: Even Beyoncè, Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Serena Williams, Sheryl Sandberg, Nicole Richie, and Oprah Winfrey are living proof; they were independently successful before marriage, and some are even richer or more accomplished than their spouses.

Attraction is complex; reducing it to ego or proximity only exposes your stereotypes. You are not all men; your narrow ideas don't define reality, just stop deceiving yourself.

Age also doesn't dictate desire. Attraction doesn't follow rules: King Charles III, 77, married Queen Camilla, 78, proving that connection and shared values matter far more than numbers.

Host78:
No one is saying the woman should not be selective.

What we are against is the "selective amnesia" where these women are single and blame men for being single.

A successful woman's singleness is hers and hers alone to bear the blame. Not men.

And this is what we cannot stand, when they come out and say either "men are intimidated by our success" which is totally untrue because the men those successful women want do not want them back.

So, no, no one is saying women should not be selective. Let them be selective and hold their shoulders up and accept the "real" reason why they cannot find husbands to marry.

You cannot be gunning for "rich" men to marry you and when such men don't want to marry you, you turn around and say "all" are intimidated by your success or "there are no real men" when you're old and no longer marriageable

Meanwhile the real reason is simply that the men they are hunting for are just not choosing them back.

Look at Tiwa savage. Plenty men are ready to marry her. I can tell you more than 1000 men must have begged to marry her in the past 1-2 years.

But she's probably hunting for men like dangote and such. Now those type of men don't want her because they have better options.

But instead of admitting what she's really hunting for, she wraps it up in "men are intimidated by my success" or "there are no real men anymore" and then sell this selective amnesia to young girls.

Yet, the same Tiwa wants to be 2nd or 3rd wife to a man so long as he is wealthy.

It's not her selectiveness that makes us angry. It's the pretense that she can't find any man or that men are no longer men while her only criteria is "have money more than me"

Selective amnesia is gender-neutral, not just a women's thing. Remember, there is also the kind where men cry 'women are picky,' while they themselves are picky and reject the women they could easily attract. Plenty of women can date them, but they are hunting for women with perfect looks and resumes; and when those women don't choose them back, suddenly it is 'all women are gold-diggers' or 'no good women left.'

Just like some women frame their singleness as men being intimidated by success, some men frame theirs as women being impossible or shallow. The reality is mutual: people want what they want, and it doesn't always match. Owning your choices and your standards is what matters; blaming everyone else is the real selective amnesia.

What I hate most is generalization. Even when it comes to food, we don't all have the same taste buds; so why judge billions of women based on less than 1% who complain online? Selective amnesia works both ways; and calling it out should be gender-neutral.

Jman06:
You just like spreading falsehood just to feel good! Men are not afraid of any so called successful women! They just go for what they find attractive! Before most ladies achieve success, they must have overgrown that age of youthfulness and sexiness. That is why most made men don't marry such ladies but would rather go for the younger girls with everything still intact.

My brother, I get you. No, I'm not arguing with you, I'm agreeing with you. And, who they find attractive is a broke and unsuccessful woman. Like, that is their priority when looking for a wife. Interesting discovery.

Jman06:
You're very correct!

Men prefer beauty, sexiness and youthfulness than a lady's money, education and connections! Only men who are looking for a lady to upgrade them go for a lady's money! Most made men don't care about a girl's wealth, education or social status provided he considers her beautiful and sexually attractive

You get. They can't just stand successful women. You know what, they leave their environment, and run to the village to find a wife, or chase women selling fruits and peppers on the street. As long as she is successful, whether they are attracted to her or not, they take to their heels.

Jman06:
I'm sure that even you might have been given birth to when your dad was already above 50! My dad had 9 children and about 5 were given birth to when he was already 50! This is also obtainable in many homes! Some of our brightest siblings were born when our dads were in their late 50s to early 60s. In fact, it took the intervention of older siblings and other concerned relatives to prevail on many fathers to stop birthing children at their older ages. This fact disproves your claim that old age has significant effects on a man's fertility or on the health of his offsprings!

My grandma was sixty when she gave birth to my dad.

Jman06:
Stop spreading falsehood here just to make yourself feel better. Old age has little to no effects on a man's fertility! A man should have reached the age of 70 and above before the supposed effects of age on sperm manifests and this effect does not even stop him from impregnating a fertile woman!

This is different from women whose fertility starts declining as early as 30yo in some cases.

At a time we are trying to discourage men from birthing too much children, this fallacy you feminists are spreading will only end up encouraging men to continue birthing even at old age in order to prove virility and this would definitely have negative effects on population!

Next time, don't justify ego with myths. Use data.

You are confusing "still capable of reproduction" with "fathering healthy children." Fertility isn't just about making a baby; it is about the probability of a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child.

Male fertility does decline with age. The idea that a man's fertility is unaffected until 70 is false. From 35-40 onward, sperm motility drops, DNA fragmentation rises, testosterone gradually declines, and time to conception lengthens. By the mid 40s and beyond, advanced paternal age is linked to higher risks of miscarriage and certain neurodevelopmental conditions in offspring, including autism and schizophrenia.

Yes, men can father children later in life; but that does not mean fertility is unchanged. A 25 year old and a 55 year old do not have equivalent sperm quality or reproductive risk profiles. Ability ≠ optimal reproductive health.

Biology is clear: aging affects reproduction in both sexes. Men produce sperm continuously, but continuous cell division increases mutation rates over decades. Yes, women experience earlier fertility decline because women are born with a finite number of eggs. The decline is gradual, not sudden, so most women conceive naturally well in their 30s.

Why not stop spreading weak sperm and putting innocent children at risk?

Gerrard59:
You are not being honest about the bold, and that is one big problem I have with people who share your ideology. Across the world, cutting across cultures, races and religions, women have shown a persistent stance for hypergamy where they gravitate towards men who are higher in status than they are. Women are naturally hypergamous.

Women who earn well and even drive better cars have come out to clearly state that they have fewer men approaching them. This is not just in Nigeria, but also in developed countries. That is, when they had nothing, men approached them, but as their earnings increased, the men dwindled. So, why lie?


The question is: how many 30 year old women are open to marrying, not dating, a 24 year old lad? How many 24 year old lads who are financially independent are willing to marry a 30 year old woman? How many family members of the average 24 year old lad who is financially stable are willing to approve him to marry a 30 year old woman? I emphasise financial stability because, due to poverty, men who haven't achieved much in life are open to marrying older women. But how many older women are even interested in such men as first choice?

You seem exceptionally good at selective observation. Claiming that women are "naturally hypergamous" because some prefer men with a higher status is not science; it is just cherry-picked evolutionary psychology misapplied as a universal law.

What about studies showing that men feel intimidated by high-earning women, why are you not sharing those. Couldn't that be viewed as proof of men being insecure and having fragile egos? Should we also judge men based on them and say all men are insecure about successful women, even though these studies are context-specific?

As societies become more equal, the so-called hypergamy gap shrinks. In countries with higher gender equality, marriage patterns are more flexible. Not all women prioritize status; many value personality, shared goals, emotional support, and compatibility equally or more. High-earning women often have plenty of potential partners; contrary to your anecdote about men only approaching women "when they had nothing."

Marriage and dating preferences are not absolutes. Some younger men seek older women; some older women prefer younger men. Family approval reflects social norms, not immutable truths.

To ignore this is to confuse social conditioning with biology; and to display profound ignorance in the process.

kiddaz:
That you get approached by younger guys doesn't mean they want to settle with you. It's the thrill of dominating a more experienced and advanced partner. And maybe you're pretty/sexy too so that adds to fuel the fantasies. Madam na hard knack dem want knack you no go dey reason am too much. When it comes to that I think the older the better sef for some but when it's to settle and build with, walk the walk with, grow with and raise a family don't flatter yourself, a lot of guys do care about age

The last time I checked, those ones close to me know I don't believe in sex while dating.

Gerrard59:
It is the dishonesty that pisses me off! I know many ladies who pursue their PhDs or have them, and for the majority, they are single. For the married ones, they married before they commenced their PhD programs. As I write, one plans to marry before she commences hers because, from her observation, single women who started their PhDs remained single even after they completed their degrees. Again, it is not that it is impossible for these women not to get married, but women being who they are aspire to marry much wealthier men, more educated men and generally, men who are higher than or at least equal to them.

These men are fewer, and they have more options because there are many younger women who are available and willing to mate with them. Also, as I have recently read, genetic abnormalities are significantly reduced when older men have children with younger women than with older women.

This is basic biology and basic economics to an extent. Why and how people refuse to acknowledge it befuddles me.

I am not bothered that you are pissed off but I just need to speak some sense into you. Mr man, come here. Who exactly is being dishonest? So we are all supposed to live in your imagination? We all have to live in your world?

You think those PhD ladies you know represent every single woman?

I am a woman, and personally, I am skeptical about marriage; but I am even more skeptical about dating up. I prefer to even build with a man.

If you did some personal research on me, especially at this moment, and saw the kind of people I am surrounded by, you would be confused. You wouldn't understand how or why I am not married. Even my guy has been telling people to talk to me so we can just get things done. I'm even reserved about saying certain things so it doesn't come across as pride or bragging, and I have also discovered that the online world is actually Spiritual, so one as to be careful about putting things out.

Seventy-five percent of what circulates online is mere hearsay, particularly from Nigeria.

ebubeson:
With the rate at which several people are increasing in age and still single, they may need to reduce their taste in wedding and marriage.

Once you get the right partner, you may have to shorten the wedding/marriage process, plan for a simple and cheap wedding.

Shortening a wedding/marriage process does not mean you will bye pass what needs to be done, but what needs to be done should be done timely.

Marry quickly if possible.

You get. Is a wedding even necessary? She just needs a Ghana Must Go to pack her things and move in with him.