₦airaland Forum

tunnyl:
For instance You now, you said ur guy shouts sometimes but you go silent to make him dealize you don’t like the noise. The ladies wey you dey defend online dem go join shout with their man, drag him cloth join body.

I am not better than many women; I am just privileged and exposed to the truth. I am not facing relationship stress, but I am still human, and when I see other women out there going through emotional pain and psychological discomfort, it breaks me.

A great war has to be waged against selfish and male-centered content that constantly teaches women to endure everything in silence. More content encouraging women to love themselves, value themselves, and protect their emotional well-being is supposed to be in circulation.

I will always enlighten and support women. We, the enlightened and privileged ones, cannot keep quiet while many women are still trapped in unhealthy mindsets and relationship patterns. Some women have been conditioned to see their husbands as gods, believing they must be patient and tolerate anything just to keep peace in the home, even when it destroys them physically and emotionally.

This painful video shows the kind of emotional patterns selfish ideologies create:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTfjgbATY1U?si=NMMVJId14lU2xNMp

In the video, a young girl narrated how her father killed her mother.

I will always stand against content that promotes selfishness and unhealthy male-centered ideologies, whether it affects me personally or not.

Unhealthy standard

tunnyl:
I have seen women that dont stress themselves about what their husbands are doing, they go to their workplace and return home to their man. They have beautiful conversations and enjoy with the kids till the next day. Those ones sef will tell you it was very difficult at first but they scaled through.

Healthy standard
https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSxmdASEb/

tunnyl:
If thats the case then why do older women beg younger women to stay in their marriages. A case happened recently where a friend of mine left her husband’s house based on many allegations. When she moved bk to the family house everybody was supporting her and even took the husband to human rights.

This lady stayed only few months and dem don dey whisper seh she dey disrurb them. One even went to meet her that abi they should help her beg her husband.

Older women they value husbands a lot. Rarely have i met an older woman who doesn’t value her husband. Single mothers nko. They love men ehn. When you meet them and you seem like a good man they will be telling you how they wish you could stay behind forever and not leave them.

Older women used to say women dont know what they are doing till they get to a certain age. I concur though. Av met some ladies that says they are very good people in general but whenever they start to be in relationship with that same good friends of theirs that they just transform into a crazy girlfriend overnight.

A woman can brag about how she only wants a financially stable guy but will end up with a broke dude simply because of how he makes her feel at that moment. That one moment will make her project into the future what is impossible then when she wakes up she starts to blame the man.

E no matter wetin man fit do for woman. Women have different reasons they need men. It could be one very tiny insignificant thing but smart women wey dey enjoy husband house never ever comes out to ask what she needs a man for. She just simply flex the marriage as she should. I have seen women that dont stress themselves about what their husbands are doing, they go to their workplace and return home to their man. They have beautiful conversations and enjoy with the kids till the next day. Those ones sef will tell you it was very difficult at first but they scaled through.

For instance You now, you said ur guy shouts sometimes but you go silent to make him dealize you don’t like the noise. The ladies wey you dey defend online dem go join shout with their man, drag him cloth join body.

In relationships, both parties should be willing to make necessary adjustments. Demanding that women should always be the patient, mature, understanding, and enduring ones is simply a selfish and unacceptable expectation. Not every woman is willing to lower herself to that standard.

Men are not babies that should be held to lower standards of accountability or emotional maturity. If happiness and patience matter, then it applies to both genders, not just women.

If cheating is wrong for women, then it is wrong for men. If shouting is disrespectful when women do it, then it is disrespectful when men do it. Anything men cannot tolerate from women, they should stop comfortably dishing out to women. Simple.

It is funny how confidently you generalize women as though all women think alike. Women are not customized robots programmed with the same definition of peace, tolerance, happiness, love, or marriage. What works for one woman may feel like suffering to another.

There are women who love marriage and are desperate for it. There are also women who are not desperate for marriage, and some who do not want marriage at all. I am a woman, and I can boldly say I can happily live without ever getting married. I am with my partner because I want him, not because my survival depends on him. I have met older women who never married and still strongly believe marriage is not ideal for them.

Many older women advising younger women to endure suffering are often speaking from cultural conditioning, not from happiness or peace. A lot of them were raised to see men like gods and to preserve marriage at all costs, even at the expense of their dignity, mental health, or happiness. Some endured cheating, disrespect, belittling, and abuse because culture taught them endurance was a woman's duty.

Women are human beings with feelings, not emotional dumping grounds for male irresponsibility. The same way men dislike disrespect, pain, and betrayal is the same way women dislike it too. Women are not superhumans created to endlessly tolerate rubbish in the name of marriage.

Marriage is sweet when it serves its purpose. When it becomes a burden filled with stress, disrespect, unhappiness, or emotional suffering, people start questioning its essence and regretting getting into it.

The logical fact remains that relationships can fail because of the man, the woman, both parties, or incompatibility. There are responsible men and irresponsible men. There are responsible women and irresponsible women. Human beings are different.

So this constant framing of women as the ones lacking patience and maturity while men are excused from equal accountability is biased, self-centred, and unrealistic. Relationships require the same level of accountability, patience, and emotional maturity from both sides.

Not every woman wants to become a sacrificial lamb to satisfy society's idealogies.

tunnyl:
All what you have said still boils down to what i said in my original post. A woman has to be patient to build with her partner or potential partner to be able to benefit positively from that partner.

I still reiterate that no woman likes to be alone. Its just that they want a Prince Charming. They want food wey don done. They dont want to go through the rigorous process of early stage of relationship.

It’s punishment o. You know seh woman ego big pass man own. Especially among her peers and her subordinates. Nope not all that kind of relationship is valuable. Everything is a test. The man could be playing her for her money. Also did you know that women despise men that let them do what they want. Women study everything the man does. No single thing goes unnoticed.

Look ma’am the truth of the matter is people, women aside now. People who are victimized, cheated on, treated badly. Those people you will never ever hear them complain. They wont even let you defend them.

Like i said earlier. You are rebelling against that cultural “shackles” that has benefited women. Do you know how hard it is to resist emotions?. Infact financial independence feeds women lack of self control. She opens up to everyone that seem nice to her so they mess her up plenty times. Life becomes like an office job to this kinds of women.

What do you mean no woman likes to be alone? If you mention me and marriage in the same sentence to people around me, they would immediately start laughing🤣🤣 🤣

I am a woman and I honestly cannot relate to most of what you wrote, yet you are so confident that this is how all women think and behave. What kind of projections are these?

A lot of what you are describing is not "female nature," it is simply a mindset society normalized for generations.

Not every woman is desperate for marriage, not every woman sees suffering as loyalty, and not every financially independent woman lacks self-control. Human beings are different.

tunnyl:
Hope you are aware the guy can send her packing. And now she’s single again. Now she has to hunt for guys and start the cycle all over. But the guy can just marry another woman almost immediately. Men can marry the most ugliest woman. Women are picky and choosy. Na there she go old.

The odds are against you guys my dear. At the end of the day na talk we just dey talk reality speaks for itself.

Frank Edoho's wife is a beautiful, financially independent woman. Which one is "send her packing"? How is that a punishment to a financially independent woman? Many financially independent women would even gladly let go of a cheating partner. When a man cheats, his value reduces. Better to die single than to be with a cheating man.

It is better to grow old in peace. Life is better spent in peace than in bitterness. Worry and overstress have even caused some married women to grow grey hair early and look like great-grandmothers.

Many financially stable women value men they can trust. You would find her in her feminine energy when she finds companionship in a man. She does not value every man, but she values her man. Such relationships are likely to be genuine because it is not about survival. Everything about the relationship is genuine and natural: genuine love, genuine respect, genuine desire, genuine companionship, genuine emotional safety, and genuine connection.

Women do not need men; women want that particular man who matches them. That is why there are preferences in relationships and why many women do not simply marry just any man. If women truly needed men or could not survive without them, many widows would not choose to remain unmarried after losing their husbands.

You can force people to pretend they are happy, but you cannot force them to believe they are happy.

Women that have cheating husbands are not happy. Women that are constantly being abused and hit by their husbands are not happy. Women that are constantly being belittled, insulted, and disrespected by their husbands are not happy.

There is an extent to which a mentally stable person can tolerate. Yes, marriage requires some level of tolerance, but once it turns into mistreatment, it has already crossed the line.

There are many unhappy and unhealthy marriages. Many women remain because they are financially dependent, while others stay trapped by psychological conditioning rooted in religion or societal pressure.

tunnyl:
Hope you are aware the guy can send her packing. And now she’s single again. Now she has to hunt for guys and start the cycle all over. But the guy can just marry another woman almost immediately. Men can marry the most ugliest woman. Women are picky and choosy. Na there she go old.

The odds are against you guys my dear. At the end of the day na talk we just dey talk reality speaks for itself.

If a cheating man leaves, it is freedom to a woman who knows her value. If every woman knew her worth and value, so many nonsense things men do would stop.

Women should not allow men to treat them wrongly. Every woman deserves peace. A healthy relationship requires peace, and peace means different things to different people. That is why every woman should choose a man who aligns with her peace and clearly define what peace means to her.

There was a time my boyfriend was yelling, and I told him, "Honey, you are shouting." That day, he stopped. After that day, anytime he started yelling, I would often go silent. With time, he adjusted to the fact that I hate noise and that if we have to communicate, it should be done calmly.

Many women are not scared of losing a loser or a cheater. A woman's refusal to cheat is not rooted in fear, but in respect for the bond she shares in her relationship.

My guy doesn't live in Nigeria. The last time he visited, I noticed he was feeling unnecessarily jealous but trying to hide it. Even when random guys merely glance at me, I can sense his tension.

Though there are some guys who go too far; the moment he looks away or steps aside for just a minute, they would try to strike up a conversation with me or ask whether he is my brother or my uncle. He eventually voiced his feelings when I had a minor accident recently and a particular man was the one who helped me, and I had to make him understand that I am with him because I value our relationship and the bond we share. Many women often meet wealthier, finer, better, and more caring men than their partners who could easily capture their attention, but out of respect for their relationship, they exercise self-control and remain faithful.

I pity future relationships. If men continue to take women for granted, relationships will lose respect, loyalty, and emotional depth, and interest in relationships will gradually decline.

As society evolves and more women become financially independent, the uselessness of many men would become more obvious.

I have an assignment for you: bring out the importance of a husband to a financially stable woman. If your answer is offspring, science has made that easier. How much does it cost to get a sperm donor?🤣🤣🤣

There are many videos online where married, financially stable women question the essence of marriage.

The only thing some men can provide in marriage is finance, and a financially stable woman is not after finance in marriage; she just wants peace. Once peace fades or does not exist, she begins to question the essence of marriage.

tunnyl:
But if thats the case why are you women supporting Frank Edoho’s wife. Does it mean all women cheat on their husbands or ifs a fantasy among women

All this while men have been excusing, supporting, and endorsing cheating. Does that mean all men cheat on their wives, or is it just a fantasy among men?

tunnyl:
Yes he is right for irresponsible men. Not all men are irresponsible. A responsible man expects a sensible woman.

Exactly, you get the point, but you prefer to speak from a biased and illogical position.

There are responsible and irresponsible men, and responsible and irresponsible women.

Behaviour is individual, not gender-based.

Therefore, the issue clearly lies with individuals, not gender.

Rapmoney:
For some days, the internet has been on fire over the alleged affair between the wife of Nigerian TV personality, Frank Edoho and singer, Chike.

I am not the type of person that spends much time online following trending stories, and all that, but one thing I noticed is that each time the story pops up, and I view the comments, I feel so ashamed at some of our young Nigerian mothers. What are you teaching your sons and daughters when you openly support a cheating wife? Would you openly showcase such support if the victim happens to be your brother or son?

Now, to the young men out there, let me give you a candid advice, and this is the gospel truth. Not every man out there is as meek as Frank Edoho. Some men out there are tigers and lions that belong to various cult groups. If you sleep with their wives, they will spend their time and money to make sure that you either leave the surface of the Earth, or you lose your hands and legs, and become useless in life.

My secondary school classmate had his head butchered with a matchet, and his right leg cut off at Isolo, Lagos for romancing with another man's wife. Unfortunately, he could not make it, as he died in the hospital after four days.

Whether a man is taking care of his wife or not, leave them alone. It is a family affair. God did not create you to be providing comfort or romance for women who lack such in their marriage. Please, it is not your duty to provide succour to a woman who lacks romance or care in her home. Just because you have six packs and a handsome face. Many men have gone. Be wise!

This is not a bro code. It is a warning. There is something Warri people call 'To die kamala'. It means to die for something that is not worth it.

Stop this hypocritical nonsense. Why is cheating suddenly such a big deal? Is it something new under the sun? All this while, men have been cheating and have been cheered, defended, excused, and embraced for it. Where have you been?

Whenever stories of a wife being mistreated or cheated on come up, many men are quick to ask, "What did she do wrong?" I feel so ashamed of many men. What exactly were the men supporting cheating husbands teaching their sons and daughters? Would you stay quiet if the victim were your sister or daughter?

Women are free human beings just like men. Without religion, many useless and irresponsible men would be left without wives.

The real gospel truth is that a stronger or more influential man can also take the wife of a careless and irresponsible man, and there is absolutely nothing he can do about it.

David took Uriah's wife, Bathsheba, and had Uriah killed, yet he later repented and continued to be celebrated.

When Nabal, who mocked David, died, David married his wife, Abigail.

Instead of advising your fellow men to treat their wives better, some of you are here making excuses and throwing threats around. Many of you are clearly not ready for change. I am loving this new development🤣

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSxB3Qh4K/
This video is clear evidence that school is not a scam. More guys need to study clinical psychology and then train other guys so the world can be a better place.

tunnyl:
Hmmm…. So if i approached you and asked you out what will your relationship status be? Single lady?. Because you are not married means you are a single lady? Does that mean you are ready to mingle? Think about that before you throw the words “single lady” around.

Marriage is an institution and men are the head of that institution but modern women seem to want to rebel against that idea. They want their partner to be their “equal” because they can both stand upright and walk with two legs. They think the man being the leader means he wants to walk over them and boss them around.

To reiterate marriage is an institution. As an institution the man is automatically the head. Having this in mind would guide every woman to make careful decisions. To choose partners who would lead with love and who listens. But thinking a man and a woman are equal when it comes to relationship is an idea that has never worked.

A man no matter how dormant and dense he appears to be can lead a family better than a domineering and strong woman. I have seen marriages where it seems its the woman that’s running everything in the house hut looking deep into that marriage you will see that there are situations where the man stands his ground to ensure that that woman doesn’t run the family to mud!.

When a woman marries a man she has chosen to surrender her leadership to that man ma’am. Because if you truly think deeply you chose that guy not because he is handsome but because he had leadership traits and you are sure that he can coordinate you towards your goal. Even though you both share same ideals you know that his contribution will propel your goals and aspirations immensely towards your desired destination.

What i think you are rebelling against is the style of leadership common in our african homes whereby the man is the lord and savior of the family. Whereby the man is a despotic leader who doesn’t listen to his wife. Its not the same in every African home.

To address your last point about women being free to do as they please. Have you seen latest podcasts and most recently Frank Edoho’s case. Look at all what they did for their wives and see how they paid them back. For some weird reason women seem to be a rebellious gender. They seem not to like order. It seems they view order as some sort of control and restrictions. If you are the type of man that leaves her alone to do as she pleases and supports her she seem to also resent you for being good to her. Modern women are messed up mehn.

All glory be to God that society has evolved and more women are becoming enlightened day by day. May God Almighty, the unracist God of Heaven, continue to bless every hand, individual, government, and agency empowering women.

With time, even job creation will be at equilibrium for both men and women. You guys have not even started crying yet, carry on with your selfish expectations, the future will tell.

Culture wey dey crazy. Culture look woman wella tell her say she belong to a man, come dey train her on how she go make man happy. Her, she be goat right? She no get emotions?

A leader leads by example. How many men can even lead? One woman decide to follow una example and cheat small, una dey cry and question her behaviour all over the internet 🤣🤣🤣

The same culture that supports and excuses men's bad behaviours, including cheating, has no right to act as moral police or limit women's freedom.

Men do not have the moral authority to criticize women.

Men never finish advising their fellow men, but dem wan turn teachers and moral defenders for women🤣🤣🤣

Some men are simply hypocrites. There are drunkards wey dey lie for gutter, throw up on themselves, pee on their bodies, display all sort of nonsense in public, but na the lady wey no wear bra be the problem to some guys.

Every man na leader, even drunkards self go dey claim leadership for their homes. Una no get problem. Carry on🤣🤣🤣

tunnyl:
Men and women are wired differently. You talk asif your orientation is modern. In the old days people look at towns and villages and the home a woman came from before proceeding to date or marry her. To avoid orientations such as yours. But because its a mixed society and your voices are louder in this impulsive internet space you think all women welcome your kind of thinking.

Societal norms and cultures are actually set up to protect the weaker gender (women) from their impulsive decisions and from stronger and domineering gender (men).

Most marriages where the women initiates the relationships usually end badly except for very few and those few they were both friends and didn’t met at random places where fhe lady goes to “toast” him.

This thing you call modern is just “impulse”. Everybody wants to do what they like. They think culture is something backwards. They think restrictions are prison sentences.

This person you are dating why hasn’t he married you?. And if you are the one telling him to marry you then trust me he doesn’t rate you at all. You have to understand how men think. Men know a marriageable woman and a temporary woman.

Also you claim to be a single lady yet you are dating someone. You are not single. You are in a relationship.

How do you u know women are stressed in marriages when you’ve never been married.

Your entire argument keeps reducing women to a man's possession instead of seeing women as full human beings with their own intelligence, values, preferences, and different life goals.

The fact that you asked a question like "Why hasn't he married you yet?" already says a lot about how you view women. Your mindset seems to be shaped by the kind of women you are surrounded by.

Marriage is a mutual decision between two adults. Women are not commodities that men purchase.

Let this stick in your skull: no matter how much a man loves a woman, he cannot marry her until she is also ready and they both agree.

Your question is sincerely degrading to women. A woman's worth is not tied to a man. A woman's worth exists whether she is single, dating, married, or entirely uninterested in marriage. You are probably used to desperate women, but they do not represent every woman.

My partner wants marriage, but we are not in a race, so we are not rushing anything. We are approaching that stage naturally.

Let me clarify this: a "single lady" generally means a woman who is not married. This is basic knowledge but I understand you might struggle with logic and such definitions because your mindset is simply shaped by outdated standards.

You are even arguing obvious things just to defend outdated ideas. How exactly are you asking whether women experience stress in marriages as if reality is invisible? There are documented cases of domestic abuse, emotional abuse, controlling marriages, and even women being killed by their husbands. So yes, unhappy marriages do exist.

And tradition does not automatically equal wisdom. Historically, many cultures did not "protect" women; they limited women's independence, education, finances, freedom, and choices. Thank God society has evolved.

tunnyl:
Mehn this your response is long o. Well, You are well aware that among humans are narcissists. They could be men they could be women but they have similar behavior. At the core of their behavior is selfishness and jealousy. They know how to spot selfless empaths with bright light easily and become their partner. When an empath starts to date a narcissist the first thing the narcissist does is try to diminish the empath‘s light through different nefarious voodooistic means. They want the empath‘s light for themselves or they become irritated by the empath’s light so they corrupt it. Then this empath becomes a useless person in the relationship. They lose all motivation and they become dull.

These narcissists they know it’s because of the voodoo they did or are doing to this person thats making this person act this way but still they do not care. They will continue to do that evil to that empath. Then they will start to complain and rant and gaslight the empath about how he or she lacks motivation in life and how they are incompatible. They use this excuse to run away after they have messed these empaths up. Then when people ask them why they left, they tell them that it’s because the empath lacks motivation and doesn’t want to work.

Most of the time in the relationship the narcissist is always the woman and the empath is the man. There are rare cases, say like 25% of the time where men are the narcissist. Those are the men you mentioned.

Now back to compatibility. When you ask a woman to define those things you call standards, goals, values, etc. You will observe that she attributes those things to material things. However very few men gain those things at an early age all he has below the age of 40 or below 35 are his potentials and his small or meager salary. Women who have been patient with these kinds of men are the ones who enjoys their marriage more than women who goes out hunting for men that fits their goals and lifestyle.

Wait! What would you do if you see a man who matches your ideal?, you will walk up to him and do what? Show him how low value you are by asking him out. Also best believe that the man that already has his goals and aspirations figured out in life is not looking for a woman because he already has one or doesn’t want the stress that comes with women.


And nope! Ma’am single ladies are not happy. Women are sentimental beings. They need their surroundings to make them happy. They like the idea of having a comfort zone where they cam rest their head. Even though when they get it they usually try to mess it up but you see that idea of having a comfort zone it keeps the single lady going out everyday hunting for a partner and if she is a single mum it keeps her up at night crying her eyes off.

What a dilemma. The guy she is dating has his own girlfriend and doesn’t want to stay the night with her. He loathes the idea of marrying her but leads her on. He knows all she is good for is nice conversation and the other rooms but his comfort zone is with his wide or his babe. Imagine having to beg a guy to stay the night with you.

Have you seen girls nowadays. They trip for any fine guy. Small thing they are rolling their hair. You are talking about standards when girls nowadays will sleep with you for free. You seem not to know how bad the situation is with this generation.

So much nonsense. You sound mentally stuck in the 60s, not in today's reality, and I honestly don't even want bother trying to convince you otherwise.

You keep speaking as if all women think and behave the same way, which already shows how unrealistic your mindset is.

Some women are simply single by choice and are doing perfectly fine.

How exactly would you know single ladies are unhappy? Are you a single lady? I am a single lady, and I wake up every day happy and at peace. I don't have anyone stressing my life, disturbing my mental health, or bringing unnecessary drama into my space. I focus on my business, my goals, my peace of mind, and I am dating someone who values my peace.

And that "low value" idea is honestly ridiculous. We are in 2026, not the 1990s where women had to sit quietly pretending they had no interest in men just to appear "valuable." Value is not determined by who approaches first. Value is tied to personality, character, mindset, qualities, emotional intelligence, and what someone brings into a relationship. I know people personally, including family friends and acquaintances, where the woman was the one who approached first, and they are in healthy and stable relationships today.

Why the unnecessary moral panic? What exactly is wrong with women being attracted to men or "tripping" for fine guys? Men also do the same for women they find attractive, so why is it only an issue when women do it?

You also claimed that successful men do not want women or relationships, which is completely false. Many successful and accomplished men are dating, married, or actively building families. I am dating one myself, and he was even in a relationship when we met. Your narrative does not match reality.

Your entire write-up is simply a mix of stereotypes, online gender theories, and personal assumptions rather than facts.

Your claim does not even align with psychological findings. Men actually tend to score higher in narcissistic traits.

Proserpina:
Two people are in a relationship but one should be calm and allow God mould her while the other is doing what?

You are not ready.


I don talk am before, as a man if you have bad character you will be dumped andreplaced. Read that again!!! Work on yourself and always strive to be a better version of you. It's not that hard.

🤣

tunnyl:
I understand you point ma’am and i feel your pain But this method you mentioned has never worked out for women. They try and try and try then time flies then they marry then they become impatient when the guy is slightly broke then they leave then becomes a single mother then the cycle repeats itself again.

No one is saying you should shrink yourself. Its about understanding timing and season. If same thing keeps happening to someone then someone should learn patience.

You know women are impulsive and moved by emotion. If she has a checklist she will immediately fall for the guy that matches that list. and then they begin dating then her test repeats itself again. Cuz There are people who are good at disguising themselves to fit other’s fantasies on the surface.

But the method of pushing blame, twisting the Bible, and running away from accountability has always worked for men, right?

Women are not entering marriage with the intent of leaving. The mindset of women just "being patient" in dating is part of what contributes to these cycles. Some end up making avoidable mistakes and entering wrong marriages because they did not walk away when they saw the signs.

Walking away from what does not align with one's values, goals, standards, or lifestyle is not impatience. It is common sense and self-preservation.

Dating is just like a market. If you go to the market to buy rice and you keep seeing beans, would you stay there practicing patience hoping beans will become rice? Wouldn't you rather leave and continue searching?

Timing and season only applies when there is already compatibility but external circumstances are causing delay. Without alignment, there is nothing to wait for.

The real key is recognizing that incompatibility exists, and accepting that both men and women can be wrong instead of pushing blame to one gender. Men are not saints or angels. There are a lot of irresponsible men in world, drunkards, toxic and aggressive men, womanizers, abusers, and criminals. So the idea that women's "impatience" is the core issue is totally invalid.

Patience does not change character. A bad man does not become a good man because a woman patiently tolerated his ill-behaviour and married him. Some women have been emotionally destroyed, abused, driven into depression, and even pushed to early graves trying to "love a man into becoming better."

Being single is not a disease. It is better to be patient in selection or remain unmarried than to be trapped in the wrong choice. Patience does not fix incompatibility, it only prolongs suffering.

Many single women are actually happy. Many who claim unhappiness are reacting to societal pressure, not reality. The truly unhappy woman are those woman constantly being abused and beaten by her husband. The truly unhappy women are those women whose husbands are unfaithful. The truly unhappy women are those whose husbands are irresponsible and come home drunk after making a public disgrace of themselves. The truly unhappy women are those women whose husbands are lazy and irresponsible. The truly unhappy women are those constantly cleaning up the mess of their useless husbands who add no value to their lives but instead create more problems. The truly unhappy women are the ones living in continuous abuse, betrayal, irresponsibility, and emotional neglect all in the name of marriage.

"You are getting older" are the married ones getting younger?

The world has moved beyond such a mindset. Enlightenment has brought freedom. Nobody should knowingly drink poison and call it patience.

In simple terms: compatibility is not to be joked with. If values, goals, and standards do not align, no amount of patience or time can fix it.

tunnyl:
i wanted to call you bro till i checked your profile and saw a lady. Anyways only men who aren't disciplined tolerates an uncultured woman. Also Its guys that have women in their "beck and call" but decides to be a responsible man women treat badly the most not the ugly ones.

The real problem is uncultured men wanting women to always shrink into a role that fits their own selfish expectations.

You are so obsessed with shrinking women that you miss the essence of dating.

Dating is simply a compatibility check, not a process where a woman must patiently endure and be shaped to fit a man's expectations.

Some of you behave as though you created women, imposing rules and expectations that were never set by God. Why should women shrink like a goat in a world that belongs to both men and women? A woman has every right to choose who to marry or not to marry; she is not required to fit into a guy's idea of a partner.

In dating, two individuals who have been living their separate lives come together to see if they are compatible and can function as partners. A woman is not dating you to satisfy your expectations; just like you, she is also evaluating whether you fit into her values, goals, and standards.

There is a right person for everyone. Every individual should find their own match, rather than trying to resize someone who is not meant for them. Even when a woman is good, issues can still arise because some men fail to understand that women are individuals with their own lives and boundaries.

tunnyl:
Events perpetuates themselves until the individual has finally learnt their lesson. Whatever it is you are doing to her has happened to her in her previous relationship but she is hiding the secret. Most time if you have an opportunity to talk to your current babe's ex he will tell you the exact same thing happened while he was dating her.

MOST TIMES EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN A RELATIONSHIP IS AS A RESULT OF THE LADY YOU ARE DATING. SHE IS MEANT TO BE PATIENT LET GOD SHAPE HER INTO A WOMAN THAT HER HUSBAND DESERVES. AND UNTIL SHE LEARNS THE LESSON OF PATIENCE, BAD THING WILL ALWAYS HAPPEN TO HER PARTNERS INORDER TO TEACH HER A LESSON.

Thats why some guys discover that immediately they ended a relationship things change for the better. My advice to men is not to date unGodly woman no matter how nice she appears. Her niceness is a bait and a mask that comes off when she has gotten what she wants. But lack of patience and selfishness will make her lose her partner all the time.

Calm down jor. All this ego you guys are showing is just internet ego. The dating market is not even on you guys' side.

There are more men than women in Nigeria and globally, and some men are even selfishly marrying more than one wife. If you're not careful, another man can even snatch your wife.

Women are the prize😂😂🤣🤣

Babatunjo:
Make I tell una the truth wey nobody want to hear.
That woman wey dey form scarce, dey collect and disappear, dey treat men like options on a menu... she was not born like that. Somebody created her.

The first man who chased her for six months and got nothing but still stayed. He taught her that male attention is infinite and cheap.
The man who paid her bills, asked for nothing, and called it love. He taught her that a man's resources are hers by default.
The man she treated anyhow and he came back begging. He taught her that there are no consequences for bad behaviour.
The man who wife-ed her up immediately, gave her the whole world on a platter before she earned any of it. He finished the job.
By the time the next man meets her, she has been fully programmed. She does not even know it. She just knows that this is how men behave around her. She is simply operating on the data she has been given.

So before you curse the entitled woman, ask yourself who ran the training programme.
Men created the monster. Men keep feeding it. And then same men will come online to complain about it.

Fix your inputs. The market reflects what buyers have been rewarding.

Human behaviours like these are not the result of programming. What people do in relationships comes from personal standards, emotions, and choices.

It is best for people to just look out for a woman who has genuine feelings for them, even if such a relationship ends, it won't be for superficial reasons, but for real issues like incompatibility and mutual understanding of differences in goals, values, or expectations.

Some of you think treating women badly or being hard on them will make them love and desire you, but you have got it all wrong. While some women may marry anyone for validation from society, there are many women who would rather stay unmarried forever if they see no value in a man.

What keeps someone in a relationship is value and emotional connection. Would you also program a lady to see men as useful when they are not offering anything meaningful?

In a healthy relationship, both partners benefit. For a relationship to work, it requires something substantial; emotional connection, financial stability, safety, ambition, loyalty, affection, or any other meaningful quality. If men decide to make themselves useless, then what would sustain attraction and deepen the desire for marriage?

A woman can decide never to be romantically involved with any man forever, while for many men, that thing between their legs might betray them. Unlike men, who within just few hours of seeing a lady even half naked may begin to feel arousal, you can stand completely naked in front of a woman for years and she may feel nothing romantically for you.

Don't get me wrong; women are very emotional, but their love comes from the heart, and once the heart is captured, it is then everything else follows naturally.

QuinQ:
I don't know why you keep using the word "foreign", as if human anatomy is different in Nigeria!
I'm surprised you can't already see that your obsession with "virgin" is irrational. Ancients got many things wrong and female virginity is one of them. The ridiculous thing is that they acted as if a girl who had sex had the sex by herself. No concern whatsoever as to who it was that induced her to have sex or wether she was raped.
Once again, it is impossible to disprove a childless woman who says she's never had sex.
You go with what u can verify. U can verify a woman doesn't sleep around and what sort of family she's from and that ought be enough. If you're obsessed with wether anything happened long ago durring choldhood plays then you're the one who has a psychological issue!

You sound just like a short person trying to guilt-trip a tall person.

This is how you sound:
"Did you just use the word "tall"? It is not a valid word because science actually says tallness cannot universally be detected. Some people are genetically tall, but it is not always visibly obvious. Since there is no way to prove tallness universally and height cannot be used in every case, people can now lie about being tall, so you shouldn't use the word "tall" anymore. You should use words like "above average" or "exceeding average height" instead.

Why are you even so obsessed with being tall? You are being irrational." Don't you know that short people are teased for being short, and some people who even had the tendency to be tall did not grow tall because of malnutrition?"

Mr dear, just as boldly identifying as a non-virgin is not an insult to virgins, identifying as a virgin is not an insult to non-virgins. The word "virgin" is an actual word with an actual meaning, describing actual people. It does not need to be compromised or cancelled. There is no valid reason to cancel the word.
Should the AA genotype be cancelled because people with SS genotype battle pain? Should the word "literate" be cancelled because there are people who did not go to school? Words do not get cancelled simply because feelings may be hurt. There will always be terms used to identify different concepts.

Medical studies suggest that some women have hymenal tissue that appears intact before intercourse and experience noticeable physical changes during first sexual intercourse. Therefore, in some women there are noticeable signs, while in others there are no noticeable signs.

Every day, non-virgins openly speak about sex, relationships, body counts, and sexual experiences, so why should virgins feel ashamed or guilty for identifying as virgins, sharing their perspectives, and speaking about their sexless lives and experiences? These are personal choices. One is not attacking the other. One is not disturbing the other. There will always be different terms to explain different concepts, realities, and choices.

A lie being possible does not erase the existence of truth. Some people lie about being rich; that does not mean rich people do not exist or that the word "rich" should be cancelled. Some people lie about being faithful; that does not mean faithful people do not exist or that the word "faithful" should be cancelled. Your reasoning collapses on itself.

I still do not understand when acknowledging that virgins exists suddenly became an attack on non-virgins. What kind of manipulation is that? That is like a black man calling a white man racist for saying he is white or speaking about the idea of being white. If the word "virgin" affects you so much, what you need is healing. It makes no sense to want the word cancelled or to start projecting your insecurities onto others.

I doubt science is even concerned with testing concepts like virginity because it is not a medical condition or part of medical history.

Isn't it even amazing how countless things have been detected, but first-time sex is suddenly a "complex thing" for science to detect? 😳

Science can detect if someone was born blind, deaf, or mute, be it a child or an adult.

Science can detect if someone was born without limbs, hands, or legs, be it a child or an adult.

Science can detect biological parents, biological siblings, biological relatives, even to the extent of biological ancestry and where they are from.

Science can detect fingerprints, footprints, palm prints, blood counts and blood chemistry.

Science can detect biological sex, language ability, and several other histories.

I cannot idolize theories. If science was consistent, absolute, and flawless, scientists would not still be arguing, revising theories, and correcting themselves in every generation.

I used the word foreign to refer to research conducted abroad, as opposed to observational conclusions developed from repeated experiences of the practice in Nigeria. I do not completely agree with some of those published ideas, but rather than completely invalidating them or forcing my own perspective on others, I explained my own perspective.

QuinQ:
Point is that "virgin" is virtually meaningless in any practical, verifiable, provable sense! Any woman who tells you she's a virgin IS a virgin, unless she has a child or you've seen her with a d*ck inside her.
Better terms are "virtuous", "chaste" "celibate" "abstinent", "continent", etc.
None of these terms is dependent on whether you've ever had sex or not

Biblically, virginity could be proven, and traditionally the old methods of detection were widely accepted and considered valid in Nigeria and many other societies.

The published studies people often rely on today are not absolute conclusions that are superior or cannot be questioned. Many are based largely on self-reports and populations from foreign countries rather than direct medical evaluation. At the same time, traditional practices such as laying a white cloth to observe first blood after intercourse were also forms of observational conclusions developed from repeated experiences, even if they were not universally accurate. No single narrative can be treated as the absolute and unquestionable standard over every other perspective.

The issue is simply that physical signs are not universal enough to serve as definitive proof in every case because some foreign studies suggest that some women are born without a hymen, some hymens may already be stretched before intercourse, and some naturally appear different.

However, there are still women whose hymen remains intact before intercourse and who experience noticeable physical changes during first-time sex. Therefore, the reality is that there are noticeable signs in some women, while there are no noticeable signs in others.

So whether you personally dislike the term or not, the word "virgin" remains a valid and established concept in language, culture, religion, and human society.

marcusverum:
Nobody is arguing against emotional connection.
Nobody is arguing against compatibility.
Nobody is arguing against love.

The couple you described is beautiful.
That is what every man should aspire to.

But here is the question you did not ask.

What were the values that old couple built on?
What was the standard the man set
before he chose her?
What was the foundation before the emotional connection grew?

You are describing the fruit.
The post is talking about the root.

A man who chooses poorly at the root rarely gets to enjoy the fruit you just described.

Emotional connection does not erase poor vetting. It builds on top of it.
A strong foundation makes emotional
connection easier to sustain.
A weak foundation makes it harder to maintain no matter how genuine the
feelings are.

You spent many paragraphs arguing
for compatibility and emotional maturity.

A virgin who has not given herself to multiple men arrives with fewer competing emotional attachments.
That is not an assumption.
That is a more favorable starting point for the very connection you are describing.

We are not in disagreement.
You just do not realize it yet.

- MV

I understand your point about "root and fruit," and I agree that selection matters and people should make thoughtful choices when choosing a partner.

Vetting matters a lot, but vetting is not the same thing as predicting emotional outcomes based on one variable.

My disagreement is simply with the idea that a single factor like sexual history can be treated as a dependable predictor of long-term marital success.

A preference for a partner who is a virgin is completely valid, but it is still a preference, not a mechanism that generally or reliably produces emotional compatibility or marital stability.

Finding someone who genuinely connects with you emotionally is far more complex than it appears on the surface, and limiting the search to one rigid standard only reduces the chances of finding real compatibility. Sometimes, the person who will genuinely stay with you through life's difficulties may not even appear the most "ideal" on the surface.

Marriage is not sustained at the point of selection. It is sustained through years of communication, emotional interaction, sacrifice, conflict resolution, and mutual growth. Those are the things that determine whether a relationship survives and deepens over time.

The assumption that no past emotional experiences automatically reduce future emotional complications does not consistently hold in real relationships, because human beings are not static. People grow, change, mature, and make conscious choices in how they love and behave.

If a man finds a virgin with good character who is also emotionally compatible with him, then yes, she is a highly ideal and excellent choice for him. But turning that personal preference into universal relationship advice is where I disagree.

marcusverum:
You are still arguing against a point nobody made.

Read the post one more time.

The post never said virginity guarantees
a stable home.

The post never said virginity replaces love, compatibility or good judgment.

The post never said a virgin cannot end up in a bad marriage.

All of that is already in the post you are responding to.

What the post said is one thing only.
Given two women of equal character
the virgin comes with less history
that can complicate a marriage.

That is it.
That is the entire argument.

You have written three paragraphs defeating points that were never made while carefully avoiding the one point that was.

That is not consistency. That is a very educated way of missing the point.

- MV

It is interesting how people often post assumptions online. In real life, factors like virginity or other external traits do not determine how a relationship functions.

As time goes on in a relationship, many external factors become less important, and the focus shifts to the bond itself.

What are the odds that most men will find a virgin who also has good character and is emotionally compatible with them? Being a virgin does not automatically mean a woman will connect with every man she meets.

Even good character on its own does not guarantee compatibility, and compatibility cannot be forced. When that connection is missing, no amount of external "good qualities" can replace it.

I have seen couples who are both good individuals, yet still struggle to truly connect because the emotional chemistry is simply not there. I have also seen a woman who is generally considered "harsh" and difficult in personality act soft, loving, and emotionally open towards her partner.

This shows that what is judged externally does not always determine genuine emotional connection. When someone is truly right for you, the dynamic is simply different.

The real question is not who has "less history," but whether two people are actually compatible in values, communication, and emotional connection. Those are the factors that determine whether a marriage works or not.

One thing I have discovered over time is that real marital stability is built on emotional connection, mutual understanding, and consistent effort between two people.

I have seen enduring relationships, I have seen relationships that looked perfect from the outside but still struggled deeply over time, and I have also seen healthy relationships.

There was a couple I admire. They were in their old age, yet they were often holding hands, speaking softly to each other, and showing consistent care. Their bond was so deep that when the husband passed away, the wife passed shortly after, and they were even buried on the same day. They were able to raise their children to be fulfilled and accomplished. This is what deep emotional connection looks like in real life.

This is the kind of marriage people should aspire to, not one that benefits only one party or eventually leads to frustration, emotional distance, instability, and other avoidable problems.

QuinQ:
Point is that "virgin" is virtually meaningless in any practical, verifiable, provable sense! Any woman who tells you she's a virgin IS a virgin, unless she has a child or you've seen her with a d*ck inside her.
Better terms are "virtuous", "chaste" "celibate" "abstinent", "continent", etc.
None of these terms is dependent on whether you've ever had sex or not

If that is how you feel, your feelings are valid. But, I won't avoid using the actual term, which is "virgin," just to make it sound softer. Virginity is a valid word. "Virgin" is not an invalid or meaningless term; it is a standard word used in language, law, Scripture and other religious texts.

Other terms like "chaste" or "abstinent" describe behaviour, while "virgin" traditionally refers to someone who has not engaged in sexual intercourse. They may overlap in some contexts, but they are not identical in meaning.

QuinQ:
In statistics this is TOTALLY nolified by the statement:
"Significant number of people do not experience bleeding during first intercourse"

"Significant" simply means large enough to be meaningful. It could even be 10 out of 100.

The concept of virginity itself cannot simply be "nullified."

Personally, I believe every woman deserves equal human dignity and should not be reduced to her sexual history. That does not mean people cannot personally choose to remain virgins, identify themselves as virgins, or share their experiences.

If you have an issue with it, deal with it. It did not only appear in dictionaries; it also appears in Scripture. Whether you agree with the concept or not, the term will not cease to exist.

A virgin simply refers to a person who has not engaged in sexual intercourse, regardless of hymen status.

Many men and women will continue to choose abstinence and set themselves apart from sexual intercourse. So the term "virgin" can never be cancelled.

QuinQ:
You are the one being totally "stwwp". You just talk off the top of your head. The other guy at least does a semblance of research. See what he himself posted below. That puts an end to the discussion.
Henceforth find another word to use. Don’t "stwwp"ly keep using the word "virgin" as it is virtually meaningless in any practical, verifiable sense!

End of discussion. So henceforth find another word to use. Don’t keep using the word "virgin" as it is virtually meaningless in any practical, verifiable sense. This concludes this discussion.

How did you eyes omit this?
However, medical studies still suggest that when bleeding does occur, it is often linked to physical stretching or small tears of vaginal or hymenal tissue during first intercourse.

This is the common one I have seen people experience. The other ones are what they suggest.

QuinQ:
So if a man has been anal and oral sexing a female for years she remains a virgin but a virgin with a torn hymen is no longer a virgin. You are a real genius



This below is from MedicineNet, a top-doctors-produced health and medical information site. Study it then do further research so you'd no longer unknowingly be making a fool of yourself

Like I said, I have never personally come across a woman with such an experience, but I know it exists since it is scientifically documented.

MedicineNet does not conduct medical studies; it only summarizes existing medical research. The information being discussed comes from peer-reviewed studies published in scientific journals.

You are the one fooling yourself, I am only being logical. Most of the available research on hymen and bleeding during first intercourse is based largely on self-reported data and international studies, not controlled "scientific testing".

In Nigeria, there is even limited published research on hymen-related bleeding during first intercourse. Most available data comes from studies in other countries, and the findings vary widely across populations.

Many of these studies come from mixed or Western populations, and they show that a significant number of people do not experience bleeding during first intercourse, while some do. This is why bleeding is not considered a reliable or standard indicator.

However, medical studies still suggest that when bleeding does occur, it is often linked to physical stretching or small tears of vaginal or hymenal tissue during first intercourse.

spiceadole:
A lot of men who are obsessed with marrying virgins cannot agree to "No sex " relationships.
The obsession with virginity stems from their reckless sexual history with women, hence become afraid and start hunting for virgins that they will stilld deflower in order to "taste& test" before marrying them.

Honestly, virginity often takes a toll on relationships. Many men don't even want a sexless relationship. It is often men with fragile egos who perceive virginity as a source of pride or status.

QuinQQ:
What should REALLY convince you folks you are DELUDED is that ANY woman can tell you she's a virgin and THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN PROVE HER WRONG (except she has a child)!
Read the below, research on it diligently then imbed it into your skull!!








Those two are seriously DELUDED

I have never personally come across a woman with such an experience, but I know it exists since it is scientifically documented.

The hymen is nothing special; some men just use it as a mere bragging right, in fact, it has often been used to belittle women.

But just to clarify:

The majority of women are born with a hymen. Cases where a woman is born without one are rare.

Less than 1% of women are born without a hymen, while few women may have it stretched or torn through certain strenuous physical activities.

Women who are not involved in strenuous physical activities are unlikely to have a torn or stretched hymen.

marcusverum:
You agreed virginity is a good thing then spent the rest of your comment arguing against it.

Pick a side.

You said virginity has no role to play
in relationships.But you just admitted it helps avoid certain problems and strengthens spiritual life.

Those are roles. You defeated your own argument in the same paragraph.

You said you have seen more non virgins enjoy than virgins. Enjoy what exactly.
And what does enjoyment have to do with building a stable home?

You said there are virgins who end up
in wrong marriages.
Correct.
Nobody said virginity is a guarantee of a perfect marriage.

The post said a virgin comes with
less baggage than a non virgin. That is still true regardless of how many wrong marriages you have witnessed.

A new car can still end up in an accident. That does not mean you buy a used car with heavy history on purpose.

Read the post fully before responding. The answers to your objections are already in it.

- MV

You seem confused. My point was absolutely consistent: when I said virginity can help avoid certain problems or strengthen spiritual life, I was acknowledging personal or religious benefits, not claiming it determines relationship success. I even clearly stated that it has no role in relationship; that is, it has no role in choosing a partner.

Virginity is not one of the factors in building a stable home. A stable home is built on actual factors like love, compatibility, personality, and shared values

I often laugh when I see women remind their narcissistic husbands that they were virgins before he married them, especially when it is clear that the man does not love them.

Many virgins, rather than patiently selecting a good man, marry with the assumption that the man will be good to them because he married them as a virgin.

Some ladies assume virginity makes a partner "better" or compensates for poor judgment in choosing a spouse. That assumption is what leads to disappointment, not virginity itself.

At the same time, being a virgin or not does not determine whether someone will enjoy or suffer in marriage. A wrong choice of partner does. A person can be a virgin and still end up in a difficult marriage, just as a non-virgin can have a healthy one.

The real issue is not whether virginity is "good" or "bad," but making sure it is not mistaken for something it is not.