₦airaland Forum

Omoawoke:
First I appreciate your mature and intelligent engagement on this, you have been calm and addressing the issues…

You’re right that male age affects sperm quality and can increase certain risks. No serious person will deny that. But the biological difference is that sperm production continues throughout a man’s life, while egg supply is fixed and eventually ends permanently at menopause.

Like I said, a man at 60 or even 70 can still reproduce naturally. But a woman at that same age cannot, regardless of health. Sperm quality may reduce gradually, but female fertility has a biological endpoint that male fertility does not. And this is why female age remains the most importtant predictor of natural fertility outcomes in reproductive medicine.

I believe acknowledging both realities gives the most honest and complete picture.

You have laid out the biological differences very clearly.

Women don't have to wait until menopause to make reproductive decisions; options like egg freezing are available. Menopause usually even occurs around 50, and many women marry before then.

Omoawoke:
Regarding your recent research

Let’s be realistic and stick to biology, not emotions.

A man at 60 or even 70 can still father a child. It has happened many times. But a woman at 60 or 70 cannot naturally give birth. Once menopause happens, that door is permanently closed.

The reason is simple. Women are born with fixed eggs that decline sharply and eventually finish. Men produce new sperm throughout life. Sperm quality may reduce gradually, but it does not suddenly stop like female fertility.

So yes, male age affects fertility, but it is gradual and not an absolute biological shutdown. Female fertility decline is sharp, irreversible, and final.

This is why female age is the number one predictor of fertility in medicine worldwide.

This is not opinion. This is biology.

This is biology, not opinion. These findings come from multiple studies showing that fertility is a shared issue. Fertility is not just about producing babies; it is about producing healthy babies.

Older fathers are one of the biological factors that increase the risk of children being born with significant genetic or developmental challenges that affect their lives. Older men in their 60s or 70s, often have weaker sperm, which increases the risk of miscarriage, genetic abnormalities, and conditions such as autism, schizophrenia, and other congenital disorders.

In the past, women were unfairly blamed for fertility complications, but recent research makes it clear that sperm quality is a major factor. Male age significantly affects pregnancy outcomes and child health, just as female age does.

Women:
30-34: ~10-15% decline in fertility potential
Men:

35–39: ~10-15% reduction in sperm quality

Men and women in their 30s are generally very fit to have healthy pregnancies. Only a small percentage experience fertility-related complications, and healthy pregnancies are very common.

Omoawoke:
I understand your point…

Maybe you don’t understand my question… I’m speaking in terms of numbers- data.. Data has no emotions and it deals with reality… and this isn’t even my theory but based on peer reviewed research. You can do your search…

I am sure you know what they call a normal distribution…
There would be few situations that will fall at two ends of the distribution but the normal distribution would always have majority falling in place with the data…

I am not disputing the fact that there are exceptions, but the majority will always carry the vote… and that’s my point…The more a woman rises and grow older, the fewer the chances she has with men and that’s why there are so many single women in their 30s unlike before.

Imagine if women only chase Undergraduates degree and stop there to focus on family, and if men earn higher than women, there would be much more successful dates leading to families and more married people.
I didn’t create the rule, I am only pointing out what’s the reality and my claim is not a theory but backed with data and peer reviewed research

Check below :

https://ourworldindata.org/global-decline-fertility-rate



https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/brown-manning-nonmarriage-college-educated-adults-2005-2019-fp-22-02.html

Social and cultural norms influenced marriage age patterns. Historically, men were expected to be older than their wives due to financial stability and inheritance norms, which reinforced the trend of men marrying younger women.

Many stereotypes about fertility and older wives are rooted in ignorance and outdated beliefs, rather than biological necessity. Recent research shows that fertility is a shared issue, with age affecting both men and women. Even a healthy 20 year old woman could face challenges if her husband is 40 or older, because male age can impact sperm quality and pregnancy outcomes.

In modern, urban, highly educated, and egalitarian societies, the age gap in marriage has shrunk and continues to shrink. For example, in Sweden and Norway, up to 20% of marriages feature wives older than their husbands.

Globally, about 60-75% of marriages have the husband older, 10–20% are about the same age, and 15-25% have the wife older.

In high-income Western countries, husband older marriages are 55-65%, with wife older marriages around 20-30%.

In regions like South Asia and Sub-Saharan Africa, husband-older marriages are more common (75-90%), while wife older marriages are usually under 10-15%.

Men marrying women older than them is far from rare especially in enlightened environments.

Omoawoke:
Don’t you think you are having an avoidant issue?

I asked a simple question of numbers …

We all know there are few exceptions but the question is how many occurrences of such do you see a woman marrying downward? Compared to the norm where women marry mostly upward.?

And let’s start wit you, your sisters and your friends, lol, which of you married/dated or currently dating someone younger and lower in status than you are?
This is a very simple question and let’s stop wasting each others time with unnecessary epistlesZ

Although I enjoy sharing experiences, there are certain limits to what I share about my family. I value the privacy of the people around me, and I don't believe giving too many personal details is necessary to make a broader point.

That said, I do know women who are higher in rank or status than their husbands. For example, I have an aunt in the force who outranks her husband; they even met through work. Situations like that exist more than people assume; they are just not always loud or stereotypical, especially when the relationship is healthy and balanced.

As for me, my choices are based on personality and compatibility, not status or age. I have dated men who were not at the same level as I was at the time. I have even supported a guy I was dating financially when he needed my assistance.

I have younger male friends and have dated younger men. It is just that I don't enter relationships casually so I avoid dating a lot. I tend to even maintain more friendships than relationships because I'm not good at breaking up. If I don't see genuine long-term potential, I prefer to keep things at the level of friendship rather than venture into dating.

Host78:
No. Men are not hermaphrodite because a hermaphrodite is someone with both male and female reproductive parts

Secondly, there's something called a baseline for everyone.

I don't need to be a prophet to know all humans must like good food. The kind of food they like might be different but the baseline is "all humans like good food"

The same with men. All men like beautiful women before anything else a woman might offer.

All men like women other men cannot touch after this (most men won't care if such a woman is a virgin or not but once they commit to her, they want to know that she is no longer offering herself to other men anymore) .

And after this, they want a respectful woman who is submissive, listens to them and want to do things for them.

Take this woman and give to any man and promise him that she'll never change and he'll marry her today even if he's just meeting her.

We don't think alike, this is why our idea of beauty is very different. I consider a woman beautiful if she has a fine face, light skin with tiny bóóbs and big backside.

This is my idea of beauty. Other men dont consider this as beauty.

Virginity is not a funny part. All things being equal, any man would rather choose a virgin than a second hand woman.

But if a man can't get a virgin and he meets a girl that's beautiful, respectful and submissive, he'll still marry her.

Now, did you see any mention of success in the requirement?

Now when a woman is successful, she suddenly puff up her shoulders, raise her standards to high heaven thinking she has something.

Something no man ever desired or wants in a woman. It's like going to a blind town and selling mirrors. And because you're the only seller, you raise your price high thinking they have no option apart from buying from you.

Yes, you can raise your prices higher than anything else as a sole seller and yes, mirrors are good but it's not useful or of no use to the blinds.

So, in the end, you have beautiful mirrors selling at high prices but no one is buying because no one will use it in a blind town.

The same with successful women. They get successful, raise their standards based on that and then go to places where "richer" men are and want those men to chase after them.

These richer men just are not interested in what they are selling.

Like I always say: successful women are a joke when it comes to dating.

Until they can go into the gutter and pick up a man, bath him, brush him up and put him in their house and provide for him, their success is a joke.

Normally, humans with both male and female reproductive traits are not called hermaphrodites; I specifically used that inappropriate term for you. The correct term is intersex, and biologically, men or women can be intersex.

Can you explain this?
Michelle Obama was a Harvard educated lawyer and professional before marrying Barack Obama.

Melinda Gates was a Microsoft executive and philanthropist before marrying Bill Gates.

Priscilla Chan was a pediatrician and medical researcher before marrying Mark Zuckerberg.

Grimes was an acclaimed musician and producer before she dated Elon Musk.

Serena Williams was a tennis legend with multiple Grand Slam titles before marrying Alexis Ohanian.

Angelina Jolie was an Academy Award-winning actress and humanitarian before marrying Brad Pitt.

Gwyneth Paltrow was an Oscar-winning actress before marrying Chris Martin.

Victoria Beckham was a Spice Girl, successful fashion designer, and entrepreneur before marrying David Beckham.

Priyanka Chopra was a Bollywood and Hollywood superstar before marrying Nick Jonas.

Salma Hayek was an Academy Award-nominated actress and producer before marrying François-Henri Pinault.

Amal Clooney was a top international human rights lawyer before marrying George Clooney.

😂🤣🤣

Host78:
This is your problem.

You say "you're not a woman, so you have no right to tell us what a woman want"

But at the same time, you tell us what men want even when a man says that's not what men want.

I see what you are pointing out, and I get it. My intention was just to correct the idea that all women prioritize dating men that are higher or more successful than them. I have learned not to generalize, because not every guy thinks, acts, or prefers the same things; and the same goes for women. I was just adding my perspective on guys to offer a bit more insight.

Host78:
You know such men just like every woman knows men who would give her a million dollars but she's never dating such men.

My dear, the men you know is more or less a single grain at the seashore.

Myself, I know men who are billionaires, doesn't mean I go about feeling like all men are billionaires or that majority of men are billionaires.

The men you know are less than 0.00000000000001 percent of most men. what I'm telling you here is what almost any man you meet today will agree with regardless of whether you know them or not.

And yes, any man here can be the standard for men everywhere in this world.

See, men's requirements for dating and marriage is so simple, it's almost predictable.

As a man, I know every man wants a beautiful woman, a virgin (or at most a woman who doesn't sleep around), a woman who respects him, knows how to keep a conversation going and ontop of that, loves to do things for him.

Take this and give to any man and he'll gladly marry such a girl. Of course there's a few variations like "what does a man consider beautiful?"

It's almost predictable. This is why a father can easily marry a wife for his son. All he needs is to know what his son considers as beautiful.

The rest is something that is universal. It's very very simple. Na una wey be girls just dey form akara.

If all men think alike, as you claim, then logically, it is possible that you are a hermaphrodite, not just a man. The funniest part is that you even mentioned virgins. Can you name just ten highly respected successful men who married a virgin

Host78:
It's not Nollywood. It's reality.

Ronaldo married a salesgirl.

Messi married who we don't know. Check out any rich well known man and then try to see the girl beside him if she's anything successful.

Any know male celebrity in Nigeria married some obscure woman you only got to know because he married her.

This is a bankable fact. Men marry for beauty. Your money is nothing

Again you prove my point saying this:

"Successful men don't necessarily prioritize poor women or avoid successful women; those are just nollywood tales. Many men choose women they are genuinely interested in, regardless of their status."

You see, men don't prioritize wealth or poverty in women.

They marry who they desire and what evokes desires in men?

1. Physical beauty 2. Purity and innocence 3. Respect and submissiveness

Now, a woman who's 30+ with money and high standards or whatever lacks all these qualities.

Now put her in the dating pool with all the other jobless women who possess the above qualities, why should a man pick her over the others?

Successful men even often prefer women who are high achievers in their own right; not obscure women.

Michelle Obama was a Harvard educated lawyer and professional before marrying Barack Obama.

Melinda Gates was a Microsoft executive and philanthropist before marrying Bill Gates.

Priscilla Chan was a pediatrician and medical researcher before marrying Mark Zuckerberg.

Grimes was an acclaimed musician and producer before she dated Elon Musk.

Serena Williams was a tennis legend with multiple Grand Slam titles before marrying Alexis Ohanian.

Angelina Jolie was an Academy Award-winning actress and humanitarian before marrying Brad Pitt.

Gwyneth Paltrow was an Oscar-winning actress before marrying Chris Martin.

Victoria Beckham was a Spice Girl, successful fashion designer, and entrepreneur before marrying David Beckham.

Priyanka Chopra was a Bollywood and Hollywood superstar before marrying Nick Jonas.

Salma Hayek was an Academy Award-nominated actress and producer before marrying François-Henri Pinault.

Amal Clooney was a top international human rights lawyer before marrying George Clooney.

Host78:
you said this and then went ahead to tell him what men want.

Well I'm not a woman, so I'm not going to tell you what women want.

But as a man I can tell you this confidently:

Never since the history of this world has any man ever listed "successful, money and wealth" as a criteria when looking for the woman of his dream.

Let that sink in slowly.

No man has ever looked at a woman's collection of cars, her bank accounts or the position she occupied in her place of work and say that's the woman for me.

It has never come up any man's group discussion.

Men don't just rate women for money.

What a man ever want and I'll type this in order of importance:

1. Physical beauty
2. Youthfulness
3. Respectfulness and virginity

A man will fall in love with a woman's physical appearance first and approach her. Some men won't care about the virginity provided she's not the type that sleeps around but the respect is very important.

Take this to any man you know and they will agree with this. I mean ANY MAN YOU KNOW IN THIS WORLD.

You see anything about success and wealth there? Men don't care about that.

😂😂😂 This is cracking me up. Many nairaland guys often act like they are the standard for every man in Nigeria and the world. I know men who would never date a woman who is a liability, and only want women who are already doing well on their own.

Host78:
And the worst part, instead of facing reality, they are blaming men, saying men are intimidated by their success.

How can you be successful and still want to marry a "more successful" man?

What then is the point of your success?

A man wants to be successful so he can be a provider for his spouse and family. And so when he's successful, he can marry a poor lady, a rich lady or any lady his heart desires because he now has the money.

A woman will become successful and want to marry a more successful man, what then is the point of the success?

If you're earning millions and looking for who will still pay your bills, provide for you, then you're not different from the average broke girls.

Even worst, you want more things and then wants to be respected without being submissive because you now have your own money.

So a man who wants to marry you needs to do everything he does for a regular girl at a higher price because you have "tastes and standards" while getting a "louder and less submissive" partner, who's probably older and less pretty.

Don't you see the man is gaining nothing? Why would any sane rich man go for a successful lady when he has better options?

The only way these women can win is to either give up on marriage totally and become baby mamas or go out there and pick an okada man to marry.

Marry one of those Okada men or labourer, put them at home as your "house husband" and provide for them.

Successful men do this. They marry cute, young and lovely pos operators, sales girls, fuel pump attendants or nail technicians all the time.

So why do successful women not do the same thing?

Instead they still want wealthy men who will chase after them.

Successful women are a joke

Try to avoid forming your perspective based on nollywood movies; many of them are fictional. Instead, listen to real-life experiences from people. Successful men don't necessarily prioritize poor women or avoid successful women; those are just nollywood tales. Many men choose women they are genuinely interested in, regardless of their status. Subscribe to Mrs. Ibukun Awosika's YouTube channel to learn more life lessons.

Omoawoke:
I know there are relationships where women are older

My point is this, they are generally fewer than men being older

And not just about age. I’m talking about career, money and status… how many people do you see going to marry a man younger, and lower in status…?
A man can be younger yet higher in status

When a man and a woman reach a stage of comfort, they won't want to jeopardize that comfort for anything. Some might even decide not to get married.

Money does not have a face or character. Those you see pursuing men with money or status are often average women looking for elevation, or women who are used to being sponsored by a man and want an even more successful man to take over that role.

Many successful women simply need a good man who will treat them right, regardless of their status; not a man who will turn their peaceful, queen-like life into a problematic one.

Many of them can easily date average men who are doing reasonably well on their own. It is men who are still struggling for survival that they mostly avoid, because many of those men are very insecure and create unnecessary problems.

Younger men, just like divorced men and older men (more than 20 years older), tend to be more predictable. They are often very good at caring for a woman. It is not just about money; they give women the respect they deserve.

Young men who date women not more than seven years older than themselves tend to be very caring because they are genuinely interested in the woman. Similarly, divorced men tend to be overly caring because they do not want what happened in their previous relationship to repeat itself, and older men (more than 20 years older) tend to be naturally generous and caring.

Life is not black and white. If a woman finds peace of mind and happiness with a man, regardless of his status, she will prefer him.

Who does not like peace of mind? And who, in their right senses, would choose problems when there is a choice? Many Nigerian women married problematic men because they felt they had no choice; some did it for survival.

Money can always be earned, and it moves from hand to hand. With great potential and good business ideas, two people can work together to reach even the greatest heights.
Many couples fail to achieve greatness together because they see each other as rivals. I have seen many foolish couples who, instead of building together and competing against the world, compete against themselves.

Omoawoke:
This is sweet to say that young men prefer older women..

But face reality, this is not Bollywood , how many women have you ever seen marry downwards?

lol, are you dating a younger man you are richer than?

Don’t complicate things, how many of your friends or sisters or female cousins go to date a younger man that is even below them in education and career ? Tell me!

A man can complete his PhD and go and marry a girl doing nysc
Can you finish your PhD as a woman and go marry a man doing nysc?

I know many relationships where the wife is older, but you would never know unless someone told you because they don't act like it. The wife being older than the husband is not common but it is not just often exposed to the public.

Though, my guy is more successful and wealthier than I am, I am actually more skeptical about dating a wealthy man than an average man. I only agree to date someone more successful after careful scrutiny. I even prefer to build with my partner.

PerfectStranger:
Get the bitter truth, any man going for an older lady has selfish intentions or simply gold-digging.

No right thinking man who's doing well will opt for an older ki*ty(5yrs older above)

In my 30s, single and unmarried. Economy is blurry. I might accept an older lady with the funds,(with selfish reasons). Not coz I'm genuinely intentional but just to clamp down on my financial stress.

But personally I'm not even fascinated about the concept of marriage anymore, financial stress has ruined my mental health resulting in low interest, so if it comes fine,if it doesn't, life goes on but no man is ready to get married with low funds coz it's tantamount to settling with poverty

She might be a good lady,nice character,loving and sweet but that age factor will always linger on my mind coz marriage in this part of the continent was structured in a way that a man is suppose to be older than his spouse and not the other way around.

Guy, speaking from my own personal experience I totally disagree with you. Age has never been a barrier for me. The "age factor" is just one of those internet myths and lies. I get approached a lot by younger guys.

In fact, recently, a 25 year old boyfriend of someone I know (she is 24) has been persistently persisting me. He even broke up his relationship with her. And even after I explained to him that "ladies' code" doesn't permit such, he came to my shop and dropped £200 because I refused to give him my account number.

A lot of guys don't care about age. Once they like a lady, they will use every means to pursue her.

Omoawoke:
In response to this post. https://www.nairaland.com/8622686/why-many-30-40-something

Ladies may not like this truth

Women empowerment was sold as the ultimate path to freedom, fulfillment, and control over their lives.

Education. Career. Money. Independence.

It sounded perfect.

But nobody warned women about the trade-off.

Biology never changed.

Women still prefer men they respect.
And respect, whether people like it or not, is heavily tied to competence, stability, and economic strength.

Now here is the paradox modern society created:

As women climb higher economically, the number of men they consider equal or acceptable becomes smaller.

Not because men disappeared.

But because hypergamy never disappeared.

It simply collided with equality.

This is why you now see:

– More single, successful women than ever before
– More men opting out of relationships completely
– Marriage ages rising rapidly
– Fertility rates collapsing globally

You are not a woman, so why do you think you are in the best position to explain what we want?

Age doesn't determine respect; maturity does. A twenty-four year old man can date a thirty year old woman without any issues.

Being successful gives women even more options. Some women prefer younger men, some others prefer men at the peak of their success. There are also women who actively support their partners in achieving success.

What you need to understand is that when a man and a woman start dating, even if the woman is older, the age factor tends to fade. Over time, they rarely even notice the age gap.

Men, whether younger or older, have some level of ego, a healthy ego is normal. Many men who marry older women; especially those who are not more than seven years older; are very mature. They rarely tolerate or permit disrespect.

ChristineC:
everybody will not get married but you need to be intentional about getting married early enough, especially as a woman. unfortunately many young girls have been/are being deceived by "empowerment" and are increasingly bitter.
if you desire it and it comes, then do what you will to make it work.
if it doesn't come, then well...
live the best you can 🤷 and leave your environment better than you met it.

You must be joking. Single ladies are the ones truly happy, enjoying constant peace of mind. It is the married women who are bitter. What exactly is "happy" about many Nigerian married women?

Do you think life is fulfilled simply because you have a man at home, even if he is toxic, violent, self-centered, lousy, annoying, or worse?

It is a good thing there are men who reject harmful societal norms and treat women with respect. God knows, if I were to judge by Nigeria's relationship structure alone, I would totally avoid marriage. I see marriage as the unknown, but with the right green lights, I am considering taking the risk.

If it were just about traditional roles, it could still make sense if seen as just a division of labour. But many of the other things society normalizes; cheating, violence, overly controlling behaviour, belittling, over-stressing women like donkeys, and demanding endless sacrifices; are the real issue.

MONEY247:
Sincerely speaking, I do sit and ask myself what If i marry what would be my gain.?

As a man what's the benefit of marriage?

Your question and perspective reflect the kind of women you often encounter; and the kind of person you are.

Beyond finances, what do you actually bring to a marriage? If every woman you met was already thriving on her own and didn't need your money to survive, what would you truly offer? What value do you add emotionally, mentally, or Spiritually?

Marriage isn't a transaction where one person wins and the other loses. It is a partnership; two capable adults choosing to build together, support each other, and grow side by side. When it is healthy, both people benefit emotionally, practically, and personally.

I actually asked this same question recently; in reverse. I asked what women gain from marriage, but my guy made me realize I was looking at it the wrong way. Though, he is wealthier than I am, he makes me feel valued and important in his life.

Ofodirinwa:
Tinubu is a great adminstator and one of the most skilled politicians of all time. I think in the world, only Putin and Netanyahu are close to Tinubu's political ability.

But in Nigeria, political ability is 80% willingness to steal and overtake which he has no limits on. As an administator he is mediocre and tribalistic. He overtaxes, and applies primative level of nepotism. But he is smart and tough and I like that he has what it takes to put the north in check. Whether notherners like it or not, the excesses of their politicians are damaging to all Nigerians. Obi would have been more diplomatic and accomodating.

I rate his advantages higher than his disadvantages, so I'm ok with him being president. If the next election is between him and Obi then Nigeria has truly advanced.

Nice one.

Just yesterday, a Nigerian man based in the US, currently visiting Nigeria, shared this exact perspective.

A lot of people I know abroad think the same way. I used to think it was just because they live outside Nigeria, but after a dream I had about Nigeria, I started seeing politics differently.

In a way, she is right; she is likely speaking from experience.

I believe women should guard their emotions and avoid making sacrifices that harm them in the long run. That said, I see nothing wrong with being financially involved with your partner, whether it is lending him money, doing business together, or building something as partners.

I just don't mix business with pleasure. I can't be unkind to someone simply because he is a man. I have brothers, and I wish them well. Still, you must protect yourself; people can be unpredictable.

Don't sacrifice your whole world or give so much to the extent that you can later regret or feel entitled in return.

Support him only at your own convenience. You can keep such transactions strictly business, you can even charge interest if you wish.

As the tail, you should grab his feet instead

willexyaho:
Sometimes, what looks like the “slow fade” from the outside is not always manipulation. Sometimes, it is not cruelty. Sometimes, it is not even intentional. Sometimes, it is simply a soul going through something it does not yet have the strength to explain.

There are moments when a person becomes quiet, not because they stopped caring, but because they are overwhelmed by storms they cannot put into words. Life can press on someone so heavily that even the things they love begin to feel like responsibilities they are afraid of failing. It becomes difficult to show up fully when you are barely holding yourself together inside.

At that point, it is not always about engineering someone’s exhaustion. Sometimes, it is about emotional survival. Sometimes, they withdraw not to punish you, but to protect you from parts of them they do not understand. Sometimes, they become inconsistent because they themselves feel unstable. And sometimes, their silence is not rejection, it is confusion, fatigue, fear, or quiet healing.

This is where emotional maturity speaks gently within you and says,

abeg, make this relationship dey one place for now.

Not as surrender. Not as denial. But as wisdom. Wisdom to recognize that not every distance is abandonment. Not every silence is manipulation. Not every reduced presence is lack of love.

It is the decision to stop forcing clarity where someone has none to give. It is choosing peace over pressure. It is allowing space without immediately translating it into betrayal. It is understanding that some people do not leave loudly, they simply retreat inward to find themselves again.

And sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is not to chase, not to accuse, not to assume the worst, but to remain calm, grounded, and patient with reality. To let things rest. To let emotions settle. To let truth reveal itself without force.

Because not every fading moment is the end. Some are pauses. Some are internal battles. Some are chapters of healing that have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the silent wars they are fighting within themselves.

You have said it all.

hohafrank:
Madam you are fighting the wrong enemy, 2 Chronicles 7:14.
Let Jesus run your home.

Just hold it there. If he wants to leave, then he should leave. According to the Bible, when an unbelieving husband leaves, a woman is not bound by the law.

PrinceShegs12:
Are you saying you didn't see all this signs when you both were dating, now you're complaining of the wonders
Pls carry your cross

You are talking as if humans are constant and incapable of change.

virginboy1:
Men are polygamous in nature...Reality modern women finds so hard to accept ... just as men have accepted the hypergamy in women.

Men are really nice.... suppressing their innate nature and getting fully committed to one woman forever.

No sensible woman is forcing marriage on any man. If a man believes he is polygamous by nature, he should choose a wife who can accept such disrespect. You cannot impose your selfish ideology on every woman.

The constant attempt to excuse cheating by calling it "natural" is exhausting. Cheating occurs in many societies, but in most places it is criticized; not defended with lazy statements like "all men cheat" or "men are polygamous by nature." Normalizing nonsense does not make it true or right.

Modernization means growth. Growth requires questioning old beliefs, not hiding behind them. The fact that something was common in the past does not make it wise, right, or acceptable today. Many outdated and harmful practices have been discarded because society evolved; that is what progress looks like. Even Christianity has really eliminated several barbaric traditions.

Some of the traditions and barbaric beliefs that are still defended and proudly passed down are why we are so far behind as a country.

I still don't understand why many people feel that being older automatically makes someone wiser. I was in Ogun State for a few days, and two days ago I stepped out in the evening to buy something when a group of men started laughing and calling me "Yemoja." I get called names like that often by people who don't even know me. Experiences like these remind me that progress requires questioning norms, not blindly accepting them.

Yorubastardz:
My aunt who was barren adopted a boy in 2002

Fast forward to 2025 last June.
This boy turned my aunt life upside down

He Insults her like mad. Disrespect her in front of visitors. Scold at her

This got me thinking if Adoption is worth it
Because the boy clearly don't feel connection

And during some of their outburst
He will curse her and her family.. Omo

After seeing this same pattern in 3 families
I have concluded ADOPTION IS A NO NO!!!!

Sorry about your aunt's experience, but adoption is a positive way to build a family. A few negative experiences don't mean it is 'bad.'

Forget biology for a moment; imagine it is her own flesh and blood misbehaving. What would she do? Children, whether adopted or biological, can act out.

It is a common misconception that adopted children behave differently or lack attachment. Biological children misbehave too; it is just that misbehaviour in adopted children is often more noticeable because there is no biological connection.

Many adopted children grow up deeply loving and loyal to their families. Blaming adoption for misbehaviour overlooks the real factors that shape character, such as environment, parental guidance, and lessons taught from an early age.

A child's behaviour is shaped far more by upbringing, environment, and the values instilled than by where they came from.

Some parents also fail to nurture their children properly: whether adopted or biological; and do not offer the care and support necessary for a child to develop properly.

Respect isn't guaranteed by genetics; it is cultivated through consistent teaching, modelling, and reinforcement of values.

oz4real83:
A woman will remove the perfect eye lash God gave to her and replace it with a hand drawn one😂, they are just wonderful creatures. This particular one is tired of eating only Egusi soup, she wants to eat ogbono, vegetable, banga and others. The guy shouldn’t count her as a loss and should move on.

A man will complain about how women treat the lashes God gave them, but spend like an hour and a half lining up the beard God gave him 😂 Absurd organisms. This species is really fascinating 🤣🤣

nnamdi640:
Both are not acceptable, virginity is a pride both male and female should adapt to before marriage. The rate at which infection is flying is alarming, if time is not taking another disease worst than Hiv will surface. Picking a bed to bed midfielder is the worst thing that can happened to a man or a woman

Well said, but respect and virginity have no business together. In the same way men are respected for innovations and real impact, women should be too. If men are not respected for their virginity, why should women be? Give us respect where it is due.

It is interesting how the same society that does not fully support women's growth and continues to oppress women is obsessed with female virginity. This is simply one of the many tactics used to distract women from real success.

The OP just wrote nonsense; the time of "Superstory" is over. Even Nollywood has cut back on the "crown prince and the poor beautiful village girl" movies.

SpencerForbes:
The same way we have good single mothers is the same way we have good virgins😊. If we can admit that good single moms exist, then we must also agree that good virgins are still out there. We just have to keep searching.

Even the Holy Book says a man with a bad woman is like a roof that’s constantly dripping water. If you can’t find a woman who gives you peace of mind, it is better to remain single and enjoy your life. Gone are the days when men prioritized marriage at all costs. Only marry if you’ve found the one that truly fits you. Don't marry because of family pressure. Just chill. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. No go settle for less! 🥂

And a bad man is like rain of blessings.

nnamdi640:
If you are not a virgin, you don't deserve the respect a virgin deserved because if she thinks it is easy why didn't she hold her virginity tight. A lady that is not a virgin don't deserve a guy you just described. I'm not toxic here just want to state the fact. You can't naked yourself for another man and you enjoyed what both of you did and still wants to receive an equal price as that of virgin, it is not done

But you can naked yourself for anyone woman.

Many men who obsess over virginity do so because of insecurities; about sexual performance or short tinglings. They pick inexperienced partners just to hide them.

floss:
Women are the most unstable entities… make a deeper research, you might find out that she’s seen a bigger fish and started feeling and thinking twice about marrying her current fish…

Women are not unstable; it is just that society puts too much pressure on women. Our feelings and personal growth are not being prioritized.

How does hesitating automatically mean she is chasing a "bigger fish"? That is a premature way to interpret human emotions. Life isn't black and white, and feelings aren't always universal; they are personal.

Looking back, I realize that hesitation isn't always instability; it can be a sign of self-awareness and emotional honesty. Not every woman who pauses before marriage is chasing an "upgrade"; sometimes she is just being honest about where she is emotionally.

I have been in similar situations. Once, while abroad, I felt completely overwhelmed. Everyone around me seemed to have an opinion, adding pressure and making me feel like I was missing out on a "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunity. If I were chasing wealth, status, or convenience, he would have fit perfectly. I wasn't in the right emotional or mental space to make such a huge commitment.

At the time, I was confused, scared, and unsure. I even prayed for courage, but it didn't come. I knew that leaving him wouldn't really hurt him, so I gently withdrew. We weren't engaged, and he was the kind of person capable of easily moving on.

For many women, personal growth and goals come first, and marriage; however tempting, isn't always meant to be immediate. Emotions don't follow schedules, and forcing them rarely work. For some, the smartest move is to treat marriage like a "retirement plan"; something you reach when life is ready, not when society says you should be.

Is she speaking French? Which one is 'we'?

franchasng:
She is my biological daughter.


I must raise her to become a valuable woman and not a woman seeking for a man to rescue her disorganized life. or a woman searching for a man to become her financial benefactor, my daughter will never be any of those and will never become a liability to anybody instead she will become a woman of value anywhere she goes and anywhere she finds herself.


Is that wrong to aspire?


I will give her the best education, I will also equip her with the necessary skills to survive and make a living out of life outside her academic qualification, and I will also teach her how to become a woman of value that will offer value to any man lucky enough to be her partner, is that compromising her happiness to you? or is that making her live like rat to you?


So I should raise my daughter to hate men and despise men and marriage, and to make her believe that being forever single will make her happier in life and not live like rat? God forbid that because my daughter will be successful in her chosen career and in her marriage and family life, God helping us

Men should focus on advising men because too often they speak rubbish and present it as fact. So I should blindly follow outdated principles created by flawed humans instead of challenging them? Did all the women who followed these rules in the past have positive experiences? What am I, a sacrificial lamb?

I don't mind being called a "know-it-all." I just won't entertain illusions.

I don't see the importance of all that has been written. The only potential of posts like this is that they fuel the egos of men who already lack manners and make gullible women even more gullible.

What are men; embassy consulates? You expect women to unreasonably shrink themselves to fit men's checklists? If a man wants specific qualities in a woman, let him look for women who already have them. Women are not clay to be molded.

Your care-home example is inaccurate and irrelevant. Most elderly care home residents are visited by their children, not partners, because many are widowed, divorced, single, or have absent partners.

Loneliness or having children is not an excuse for living a miserable life. Marriage doesn't always protect against loneliness, and there are other ways to have children these days, even without sex. Many married people are even lonely.

Peace of mind, not marriage, should be the baseline. Marriage only works if both partners are responsible and accountable. It is not just about "God forbid"; be wise as well. God will not spoon-feed anyone when He expects them to use common sense. Are those who fail in marriage serving the devil?

It is commendable that you want your daughter to be prepared for life, but to protect her properly, she must understand that peace of mind comes first; not marriage. This will help her navigate life without falling prey to the wrong people. You better don't turn your daughter into a desperate woman or give her unnecessary pressure. Setting boundaries, maintaining standards, and choosing wisely are crucial because being a man doesn't mean being reliable. It is better for her to take her time and make the right choice, rather than avoiding breakups as if marriage were a competition that awards gold medals

The world is tough; especially for good people. Equipping a female child should go beyond education and technical skills. She must also be equipped with emotional intelligence, survival skills, and relationship skills to thrive in life.

Even the kindest person married to a bad partner is likely to live a frustrated life. I don't endorse hating men or oppose marriage, but I encourage women to know themselves best and choose what works for them.

The harmful principles that shrink women have continued because our foremothers remained silent. These patterns should be broken to prevent them from being passed down to future generations.

The post about Osa Ighodaro's marriage shocked me. She is beautiful, talented, and she was already doing well even before marriage, yet she had a hurtful experience. There are commenters who blamed her without knowing her personally. This is the society we live in, where women are always the ones to be blamed.

Is she your biological daughter, or did you adopt her?

Poor child; she is so unfortunate to have a father who believes women have to live like rats.