₦airaland Forum

helpee:
Nigeria cant get better with people like you. Then car tumbled several times, the police wanted to tow the vehicle, you bribed them because you didnt want them to tow the vehicle and you came online to claim you are the victim. They are correcting you, you kept saying they were extorting you.


You got to the hospital, you said they were not effective in stopping the bleeding. Since you could have done it more efficiently, why did you take them there? When it was time to pay, you said they shouldn't have collected money because they were not effective. If they had rejected you, you would start another lie that they were requesting for police report.

You ended up blaming everyone but yourself. You forgot you could have called 911 before police came and ambulance would have come if it is In lagos. They are effective in lagos but many of you don't know. It is the job of police to secure a potential crime scene ...and accident is a potential crime scene. You could be drunk, be over- speeding etc or be driving a car without road worthiness thereby putting lives at risk. Part of investigation involves towing that car. You bribed and bullied them because your mum knows a superior officer and you still had the guts to come online to blast the country. With citizens like you, the country can't progress.

Bribed the police? No, dear. I only paid the survival fee they demanded; that's the standard in the Nigerian jungle package. Don't confuse surviving under pressure with complicity. I'm guilty only of navigating a broken system, not endorsing its rot.

Before throwing words around, check their meaning. There's a massive difference between holding a system accountable and denigrating a country. Speaking out; especially when the system continues to fail the most vulnerable, isn't hate. It's hope. It's the belief that Nigeria can, and should, be better.

You and this system deserve each other. It's honestly shocking that you're more outraged about a towed car than bleeding humans. Some of us can no longer bear the silence, and we have every right to cry for change. If the truth offends you, retreat to your bedroom and cry it out there. Your unsolicited defense of dysfunction holds no weight.

Let's be real: a system that abandons victims, extorts the injured, and enables incompetence isn't worth defending. If you can't see that, maybe it's because you benefit from it. You're not just blind to the problem; you are part of it.

If you truly wanted Nigeria to improve, you'd face the facts instead of shaming victims. Change doesn't come by silencing pain; it comes by amplifying it.

Since you claim the police were "just doing their job," enlighten us: what actually happens after a car is towed to the station? How is it retrieved? What hidden fees, unexplained delays, or shady "settlements" follow? Let's not pretend the process is clean or transparent; we all know it's a mess.

Gboliwe:
If the hospital didn't do anything, what payment were they demanding?

What do you mean by they were not examined properly? What do you tag as properly?

All they did was apply antiseptics that weren't even effective in stopping the bleeding.

It felt like everything was meant to go wrong, but I thank God that, in the end, no lives were lost and the incident didn't cause lasting damage to anyone. It was only my car that got completely damaged.

helpee:
@Merry100

We find a way to blame everyone but ourselves in this country.
You had an accident. You said it was major, no serious injuries yet you wanted to remove the vehicle from the scene without proper documentation.

It is not your fault...but it could be a crime scene.
You said the injuries were minor. You think police didnt see that? I can't count the number of patients i received from police when i was working in Nigeria from accident scene. They probably saw that no major injury.


1) The vehicle is an exhibit. You just had an accident. Someone may eventually die from internal injuries later. If they just allowed you to take the vehicle away, they would have conpromised investigation.

2) You could be driving under influence.
3) You may not have driving licence
4) The vehicle may be stolen...running from something.


It was a good decision to tow the vehicle to station. YOU EVENTUALLY INFLUENCED THE OFFICER. BRIBED THEM INSTEAD OF ALLOWING THEM TO DO THEIR JOBS then you came back to denigrate your country .

What is wrong with you? You commited a crime by bribing the officers, you didnt see yourself as part of the problem but you started blaming the country.


The hospital treated you....SEE YOUR CONCLUSION. YOU SAID THEY STILL WANTED TO COLLECT MONEY AFTERWARDS. Can you see the reason why they usually ask for deposit? No matter what they do, your conclusion after everything was that they were not supposed to collect money because you had an accident.

Go to Aso Rock clinic

Aso Rock Clinic? LMAO. Even the people funding it don't use it.

If your first reaction to injustice is to blame the victim instead of questioning the system, then it's time to get real help; don't hesitate to speak to the appropriate medical professionals.

You read a post about systemic neglect and extortion, and somehow twisted it into being my fault. That reveals more about your distorted mindset.

Try applying clear mental and ethical thinking to serious issues. Defending a failed system doesn't make you patriotic; it makes you part of the rot.

What you wrote isn't logical or reasoned analysis. It's Stockholm syndrome; you are proudly defending the very system that harms you.

Smilingjoe4:
The officers conduct might be unprofessional but it is also there duty to protect life's and properties and that's why they took d vehicle to station. You also mentioned that is a minor accident; and let me tell you, no police man will see a victim of serious accidents and abandon them without taking them to hospital.

Perhaps I used the wrong word when I said it was 'minor.' What I meant was that it didn't turn out to be life-threatening in the end.

The car tumbled several times and fell from a dangerous height, completely leaving the road and crashing into the area below; one would have expected a much more severe outcome.

There were visible injuries, yet the police ignored them. And what about the risk of internal bleeding in such situations? The time that should have been spent on rescue efforts was instead wasted on debating extortion payments

femi4:
So men don't have time to bring into the relationship

No dey use this kain brain cross the express

Bro, you get 1 + 1 = Egg roll

Sorry, can I ask something; did you skip reasoning class? Oh, no wonder you think women "bring nothing."

But at least you're loud; the class would never go dull with you around.

So, Time + Time = More Available Time 🤣

You jumped into a serious conversation with your shallow takes. You claim women "bring nothing"?

The time they spend cooking, cleaning, raising children, and managing the home; those are full-time jobs.

In countries where time is respected, some people don't even attempt to do all these things themselves; they pay others: nannies, housekeepers, cooks; because they have to go to work.

The time a woman spends caring for the home or raising children is time she could be using to earn; but she sacrifices it. And you're here downplaying her effort like she's just sitting at home munching on Eba.

A woman staying home during pregnancy, putting to bed, weaning a child, or caring for a newborn; all while her body undergoes intense changes; is still contributing something you clearly don't understand: unpaid labour that keeps the entire family running.

femi4:
Nigerian women brings nothing. They see it as a gateway out of poverty

Here you are, spitting shit and downplaying the efforts of Nigerian women. You have failed to realize that time is money.

There are Nigerian women that work full-time jobs and still come home to handle house chores. The energy they pour into both work and home is unmatched. Meanwhile, in many cases, men come home, eat, and relax in front of the TV.

Go and research how things work in the Western world; so you'll quickly understand that time truly is money.

If anything, women deserve more credit, not less.

lymelyte:
emotional intelligence and yet women still select the wrongest of men..nonsns

Intelligence doesn't cancel emotion. Normally, emotionally intelligent people are not angels. Love or pressure can cloud one's judgment.

One of the most honest prayers for marriage is: 'God, don't let me end up with a weapon fashioned against me.' Because you can't be too careful.

It's not that easy. Sometimes, it takes nothing less than the grace of God to walk away from what's hurting you; especially when love is involved. That's why it's best to listen early, when something feels off and avoid certain relationship, because it's possible to get stuck.

Karlifate:
@bolded:

A submissive wife actually controls the husband.

Submission in marital context is not slavery, or behaving like a Tesla robot.

Your idea is nice but you just kind of explained respect, not submission. Respect is the better word.

Of course, I'm a submissive woman. God forbid I have an abusive husband; I'll definitely stay and submit to him.

Of course, I'm a submissive woman. Even when my husband beats me, I'll call him "lord and personal Saviour." As per he was the one that created the rib God used to form woman.

Go check the dictionary for the real meaning of submission, try applying it to real-life scenarios, and you'll see how deadly it becomes; especially with the average Nigerian man walking around with an ego-fed, enslavement mentality.

Where is Osinachi today?

If submission wasn't life-threatening, I won't even see it as an issue. If men were like Abraham in character, maybe submission would make sense. But that's not what we have. What we have are controlling, entitled, emotionally stunted men shouting "submit!"

Respect has sense.
Respect knows when to walk away.
When you respect someone, you hold them in high esteem but that doesn't mean you allow them to kill you or manipulate you to destruction. Submission waits. Submission get destroyed. Submission dies.

My personal findings:
All Scripture is inspired by God; doesn't mean every word was directly spoken by God. Some parts reflect human interpretations, cultural expectations, and personal biases. Remember Apostle Peter's wrong stance on circumcision? It took Paul to correct him. So yes, in my opinion, some of Paul's views on marriage and submission are outdated and cannot be blindly applied to today's abusive realities.

Those teachings should not even be applicable in our era; they were given in a time and culture where abuse wasn't even acknowledged. How many cases of domestic violence were recorded in the Bible? How controlling were the men of that era?

Let's not downplay slavery or use Scripture to validate it. Submission, in the wrong hands, becomes a death sentence.

Honestly, reading through this comment section is frustrating. So much of what's being said is rooted in outdated beliefs and personal bias that simply don't hold up in real life.

Let's be clear: discipline is not instilled through fear. Fear might control behaviour in the short term, but it doesn't build character, values, or true understanding.

I'm not against flogging, but I strongly believe this idea that "beating equals discipline" needs to stop. When I have children, I won't be upset just because they were flogged; but it must be fair, reasonable, and never harmful. If it's done out of spite or leads to injury or emotional trauma, then it's no longer discipline; it's abuse. Discipline should be purposeful, measured, and rooted in love; not fear or anger.

We need to raise our children with dignity, not trauma. The sooner we accept that, the better.

I also saw someone claim that private school students are more likely to end up with unwanted pregnancies. That's just not true based on what I've seen. Many of my private schoolmates are thriving; academically, professionally, and personally. Ironically, the people I know who did end up with unintended pregnancies, like my hairdresser:s daughters, attended public schools; where they were often flogged. I remember one of them coming home with severe scars on her back. Her mother was visibly worried, but because it was a public school, there wasn't much she could do.

Despite the constant beatings, they weren't academically strong. The flogging didn't make them more respectful or more disciplined; it just left physical and emotional marks.

Growing up, I was known to be decent, respectful, and calm. My hairdresser would often use me as an example for her daughters; not because I was beaten, but because I was raised differently.

Let's stop confusing abuse and violence with discipline. They are not the same.

JONSYN7154:
God bless you.

Those indomie children no go understand.

Their parents pay bribe for them to pass WAEC and JAMB.

There's a big difference between discipline and abuse. Even in the 1990s, not all schools relied on fear or frequent beatings to teach. I attended private schools, and while the cane was used occasionally, the focus remained on learning; not punishment. I passed my SSCE with good grades and even had an A1 in Mathematics.

Even today, discipline exists in many private schools, especially at the secondary level. The cane is still used at times, but the emphasis is on proper teaching, safer environments, and helping students actually understand; not just memorize out of fear.

Not all private schools are the "roadside" types people imagine. Many reputable ones consistently shine in competitions like Cowbellpedia, as well as other national and international competitions. Even the youngest in my family passed both WAEC and IGCSE with several As; and it was all on merit.

Endless beatings don't make students better educated. They merely reflect a system that confuses fear with learning; something we now know isn't effective.

Fortunately for you, I'm a very private person, and I prefer to keep certain details to myself. Otherwise, I could explain further how schools that prioritize meaningful education over unnecessary punishment produce students who are better prepared for a competitive world.

Sharpsharp00123:
mtcheew

All these indomie generation kids.


I can bet u are talking about 2000 upward.

In d 1990's na your parents go even buy can go school which is normal, then we had few private schools but public schools were still standard not like today's own.


U indomie generation shouldn't talk here cos u people didn't go to school but went to play.

School wey Una no dey repeat no matter how blank head u are

School wey na your teachers dey help u do everything

It's funny how quickly people dismiss others with the "Indomie generation" label just because we don't glorify unnecessary suffering in the name of discipline. You assumed I'm from the 2000s upward, but you're wrong; I attended primary school in the 90s, and it wasn't all about canes and fear.

You can celebrate your own experience if you want, but don't invalidate others just because their path was different and arguably healthier. Let people raise and educate children with wisdom, not trauma.

The fact that you equate suffering with learning is exactly the problem. Enduring pain is not the same as receiving quality education or being raised well.

In my primary school, the cane was only used occasionally; usually by the headmaster; and even then, it wasn't harsh. Discipline was never built on violence. Structure and encouragement did far more than fear ever could.

We were introduced to structured learning, proper English instruction, and exposed to creative, academic, and moral development tools. We read Ladybird books like Peter and Jane, did spelling bees, worked with handwriting and quantitative reasoning books, learned diction, and joined sports and creative clubs.

We had a well-equipped playground, properly structured computer and music labs, a Red Cross club, picnic parties, and even gift days; where the school owner, a Nigerian-British woman, would set out items for each pupil to pick from. It was a nurturing environment for learning, not a fearful one.

Yes, some parents used to buy canes for teachers; but that doesn't make it right or effective. If beating children truly produced better people, our society wouldn't still be battling so much abuse, corruption, and violence today. Clearly, the cane didn't save us.

Sharpsharp00123:
just imagine those foolish parents

How can I say your kid shouldn't b flogged?
If them no flog me I wonder what I would have become? Despite the fact that I come from a well to do family n we are ok I still stubborn die with my siblings, my papa go lock gate make we no go play ball we go mount fence n all those shits

Like seriously I will pay teachers to flog my kids cos they need it, every child has that iota of stubbornness in him/her it is strong parenting that corrects it

I can't even imagine saying someone shouldn't flog my kids

At the primary school I attended, which followed the British educational system, teachers rarely used the cane. Discipline was enforced without violence.

The fact that you feel wiser and insult others for choosing to raise their children differently is exactly the problem. If it makes sense to you, go ahead; you can even allow teachers to use hot irons on your own child if they're "stubborn." But don't impose that mindset on others.

Let people raise their children in peace. If beating truly worked, we wouldn't have so many criminals, ritualists, kidnappers, and other destructive behaviours in society today.

🤣🤣🤣 This really cracked me up! If the lady in question is an introvert, you're probably doing her a big favour by not bothering her.

Change the topic of this post to: how to tell a lady you're only interested in being friends because that is actually what it is.

You might argue that this approach of going silent or acting unavailable has worked for you with some ladies; fair enough.

But the truth is, it won't work on many. If you try this on certain women, you would go completely unnoticed. Some already have plenty of people in their contact list, and to her, you'll just be one of those casual friends who pops up once in a while.

Forget the emotional strategies and silent treatments. Just treat her nicely, and know when to move on.

If you're truly interested and intentional about a particular lady, don't rely on phone chats or calculated silence. Plan real outings. She might keep postponing, but chill… it might eventually click.

Who knows; after a few hangouts, she might even discover that she's genuinely attracted to you.

But if you two have been spending time together and you've clearly expressed your intentions, yet she still keeps you in the friend zone; bro, she's just not into you.

Don't overcomplicate it. It's not her fault either. Attraction is a reflex. A matter of the heart. And even the owner of the heart can't force it to feel what isn't there.

FineUsername:
This is another perspective, I kinda agree that we shouldn’t generalize.

In reality, women in their 20s often still have the upper hand when it comes to the marriage market. Most men within the age brackets you listed tend to tilt their preferences towards younger women (usually within their 20s) even if they end up marrying someone in their early 30s.

Very few men in their 30s or 40s actively seek out women who are 30+, unless there’s already a personal connection. So while compatibility, maturity, and shared values matter, ‘age’ especially for men kind of plays a big role in men’s decision.

Pls, I am not discouraging those in their 30s.

I agree that some men may not actively seek women over 30 unless there's already a connection. But for many men, maturity and compatibility start to weigh more heavily as they grow older.

It's not always about 'seeking'; sometimes it's just about meeting the right person at the right time.

Many of those connections form naturally through shared environments; like work, social circles, or professional interests.

For women in their 30s who still look youthful or are undeniably attractive, connections can still happen instantly; anywhere, even before age ever comes up.

Let's be careful with generalizations. It's better not to make conclusions based on just a few online stories or what's trending. One person's situation doesn't define the full reality.

Real-life experiences show that:
Many women in their 30s are not struggling to find men. Some are just taking their time because they know what they want and they understand the weight they carry.

Men, both in Nigeria and abroad are still marrying women that are in their 30s. It's not as rare or problematic as people make it seem.

If a woman in her 30s is attractive, smart, emotionally stable, and focused; she's still very much in the game. Many men don't settle down until they reach their financial or career peak; which often doesn't happen until their late 30s to 50s. At that stage, they're not always chasing 20-year-olds.

In general:

Men between 30-35 often prefer women aged 22-28

Men between 36-45 often prefer 24-32

Men between 46–55 often go for 25–35

To be honest; many men marry women they connect with, whether they're younger or close in age. Men who want emotional compatibility, shared values, and peace of mind usually appreciate a woman with maturity.

Though, it's true that many men are attracted to younger women; especially for short-term or casual relationships. But when it comes to serious commitment, most men care about more than just age.

Once a woman is in her 30s some people assume she is "too picky" or "she has missed her chance." They don't understand that some are just being intentional and not rushing into the wrong relationship.

It's okay to encourage women who want early marriage to prepare early. But don't use one example to discourage or criticize all women over 30. Everyone's journey is different.

Everyone should be allowed to make decisions based on self-awareness and readiness; not fear or social pressure.

Just watched a video where Biola Adebayo interviewed a woman; her husband sold her house and took her children. Sadly, this kind of thing is no longer rare.

Every day on social media, new stories pop up; women betrayed, broken, and drained. And with all this happening, I still find myself asking: how are people still falling victim?

Yes, I know. You can be careful and still get hurt. Nothing is guaranteed. But at the very least, you should try. Try to be intentional. Try to open your eyes. Try not to let pressure or timelines make life-changing decisions for you.

Until people stop going into marriage for validation or to meet society's deadline, marriages will keep breaking. You can't expect something solid when you're picking partners like you’re ordering pizza; hot, fast, and usually full of regret.

Know what you want before marriage. And more importantly, be honest with yourself; is what you want possible with the person you're choosing?

Do you want a friend or just a roommate? Do you want peace or stress? Do you want love or survival?

Go into marriage knowing it's supposed to be forever. Can you do "forever" with this person? Can you love and respect them even when they're at their worst?

Marriage isn't a costume you change when you're tired. It's a deep, binding decision. it's not something you can easily walk away from. Unlike friendship, which you can walk away from quietly, marriage leaves baggage. No one comes out the same.

Choose with sense, not just emotion. Stop ignoring red flags.

If you don’t want to be tomorrow's bitter viral post; "please help me, my husband did this...", then think now. Don’t enter blindly.

But if what you really want is to one day come online and post your own tragedy so strangers can gather; some to pity, some to judge or criticize, others to argue; then by all means, ignore the signs today.

There's no perfect manual to marriage. But one thing is sure: don’t marry your enemy. Don't marry someone that would make you wish you had even stayed single forever.

Every morning, look in the mirror and remind yourself: "I will never be a victim." It may sound small, but it helps keep your emotions in check.

We women are soft-hearted; we love deeply, we believe, we hope, and that's beautiful. But choose wisely. Don't let it become your downfall.

₦73,000 in one day might feel like a lot, especially when you're just starting out financially. But what you're paying for isn't luxury; it's basic healthcare for the woman carrying your child. And compared to what she's enduring; morning sickness, hormonal changes, physical pain, and the constant risk of complications; that bill is honestly the least of the cost.

Let's be real:
Before starting a family, have honest conversations about finances, readiness, and responsibilities. Don't assume love alone can carry the load.

If you knew you weren't financially ready, you had no business getting married. And even if marriage happened; pregnancy should have waited.

Ladies, your body and future matter.

Use birth control.
Protect your body, your future, and your sanity until both of you are ready

Because here's the truth:
The real weight of marriage falls on women; emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Pregnancy will change your body, your mind, and your life.

So please; don't hand over your womb to a man who can't even carry basic responsibility.

This isn't to dismiss the fact that there were many good times; moments of love, joy, and community. But this message is meant to highlight the parts that often go unspoken, especially by children. My hope is not to condemn, but to invite reflection and healing.

As a child, I longed to grow up quickly; just so I could finally live life on my own terms.

We were just kids. Morning devotions, sometimes driven by threats or tears, shouldn’t have lasted more than thirty minutes. The countless special programs didn’t have to drain our energy or rob us of sleep. The 40-day vigils, stretching from 11 p.m. to 2 or 3 a.m., were never meant to involve children. Imagine being awake from night till dawn, and still expected to get ready for school by 5 a.m.

We didn't need to endure extended fasts or long hours of prayer. It wasn't necessary to forbid us from eating on Sunday mornings or to delay breakfast until 7, 8, or even 9 p.m., simply because we were held in Church from morning till night. The regular Church programs we attended after school shouldn't have interfered with our meals; eating dinner at 9 p.m. was not okay. Our physical well-being should have mattered just as much as our Spiritual formation.

My faith in God is rooted in personal experience. That's why you'll rarely find me arguing with non-believers; I've been in their shoes. I just didn't voice it. I had a quiet plan: to grow up and break away from religion.

But over time, I came to realize that my life is wrapped in God's love. I discovered that Christianity is far too vast to be grasped by logic alone; it surpasses human understanding. And even after seeing this truth, I still tried to keep God at a distance. I thought, Okay, I know better now; but please, don’t come any closer.

I tried to explain away the events in my life as mere coincidences. But they became too frequent, too precise, too deep; far beyond what my mind could explain. It became undeniable: a higher hand was at work in my life.

Just this year, I've experienced more than a handful of so-called "coincidences." Lately, it feels as though I’m being intentionally pursued by someone or people. I’m still trying to piece it all together.

Yes, I'm fully aware that some misuse Christianity for personal gain. But that does not change the truth: there is power in the name of Jesus.

To Christian families; especially those involved in ministry, please hear me:

Stop focusing solely on Spirituality, prestigious schools or perfect grades. True education nurtures the whole person: spirit, soul, and body.

Children need more than religion and academics. They need compassion. They need safe spaces to believe slowly and honestly. They need room to question.

Faith cannot be forced. The day will come when they're old enough to choose for themselves. Let what they choose be born of love, not fear.

Pastors can be genuinely good, deeply Spiritual individuals and still fall short when it comes to understanding marriage.

I recently came to appreciate Pastor Paul Enenche as one of the most respected pastors in Nigeria. While I don’t fully align with his, or most pastors' teachings on relationships and marriage, I deeply admire his integrity. He appears to be one of the few who have not been compromised or swayed by external influence.

In today's climate, how many pastors are still willing to boldly speak out against the failures and injustices in our nation?

Men like you should come with a warning label: "Highly thoughtful and dangerously intentional."

I mean, who is this beautiful mind behind these words? Such depth and wisdom.

This should be the norm; if only more men could think and lead this way.

Growth is indeed not far from you; it lives in you.

This is truly appreciated.

May more homes rise on foundations like this. 🙏🏽

PastorKosi:
Marrying a virgin doesn't automatically mean you married well as a man." - Pst Kosi Ebirim

Virginity is not a measure of character, wisdom, kindness, loyalty, or emotional maturity.
Many men focus on purity and miss the deeper values that sustain a marriage—like peace, respect, emotional intelligence, humility, and the fear of God.

A woman can be a virgin and still be:

Disrespectful

Argumentative

Ungrateful

Immature

Emotionally manipulative

What truly makes a marriage work is not just sexual purity but relational maturity.

Choose character over credentials. Choose peace over pride. Choose purpose over pressure.

N/B: Please note that this subject matter is not to discredit Virgins if you are one.

Thank you so much, Pastor. Preach on.

I believe in protecting one's peace, but my faith doesn't support divorce over emotional neglect.

My Candid Advice:
She should focus on herself and her children, and let the man remain the empty space he has chosen to be. Let them live like two polite tenants pretending to love each other; if that’s what it takes to maintain peace.

Let her withdraw some of the attention and effort she has been giving. No more exhausting sacrifices. If she used to trek long distances just to get cheaper groceries, she should stop. Buy what’s nearby, and if he complains, she should calmly say, "Things are expensive these days."

No more suffering to impress someone who doesn't notice the effort.

Since he enjoys praising her, she can return the gesture by praising him as well. No bitterness, no arguments; just balance.

This way, there’s no fighting, no stress, and she won’t have to carry the "Iron Lady" title anymore.

He might even reframe it and start calling her the "Gentle Lady" instead. He could say, "My wife is very gentle and calm; she doesn’t like stress."

Love isn't about how much money someone has. It’s about kindness, intentionality, and emotional presence. If you truly love someone, you'll always find small ways to show it; even when you have very little.

I remember a couple who used to visit with their children. They didn't have much, but their love was so genuine, it was beautiful to watch. They laughed together, respected each other deeply, and the husband; even in lack, always found ways to make his wife feel loved. That is the kind of love that would make anyone believe strongly in love.

I often pray nothing bad happens to either of them whenever I remember them; I doubt one could survive without the other.

BluntCrazeMan:
This woman thinks it's sweeter on the other side.??

Well, it's like she wants to learn by experience.

She is highly welcome..

I don't support turning a home into a toxic battleground; for her sake, and especially for the children. The heart is even fragile. It's wiser to avoid hypertension and emotional stress.

But what exactly is she supposed to "learn"? That managing an emotionally empty man for life is better than being alone and building peace for herself and her children?

Nollywood is not real life, things rarely play out that way. Go to mental health facilities and see the number of women battling psychological breakdowns because of relationship trauma, and you'll understand why self-love is not a luxury but a necessity. If you listen to their stories, you’d be shocked and humbled.

A man like this is hopeless, and it's not advisable to place trust or expectations on him. Even if he gets rich tomorrow, he likely still won't prioritize her or show affection. In fact, he's the type of man who might marry another wife and leave her in deep regret.

Either way, she may never become the happiest woman in the world; but being alone would give her more peace of mind than staying with someone who constantly drains her emotionally.

Wickedfact:
The fact that marriage limited your mother doesn't others suffer from the same misfortune.

There are men better than your father and it's your mother's fault for not being mentally awake to see this.
There are also women better than your mother not your father knows best why he settled for her.
They both deserve themselves.

Hope the projecting helps you feel a little better about yourself.

Wait… are you referring to my mum. Dr. Mrs 😂😂😂

blueghost:
Don't change the narrative here read what i wrote slowly especially the first lines. you only talked your own side which you put it in a cool way. Now my question is are you saying he has never done a dime for you
PS: except you confirm he is a deadbeat husband or lazy man, if you can't admit that then be content with whatever you have cos is cold outside

Thanks for the advice, bro. I was lost, but now I'm found. Where would I be without you.

blueghost:
One sided story, you told your own part beautifully, "He could have shown he cares by simply buying her something, even if it wasn’t expensive" i am sure your husband takes care of you and provide for the house, but of course you are an Oliver Twist and want more. Stop watering the small efforts your husband makes. stp transcational love. Na wuna dey push wuna husband go do yahoo or enter cult

Are you trying to be traditional or logical? Because right now, only you seem to understand your perspective and whichever way you spin it, it's still wrong.

Women are emotionally starved and spiritually overworked, yet told to be 'grateful' for crumbs. But be honest, can those crumbs even pay for the service she renders?

Traditionally, women are expected to function as maid, nanny, cook, nurse, financial manager, tailor, therapist; the list never ends. And men? Simply expected to 'provide.'

Logically, this isn't love; It's labour exploitation.

She’s underpaid, undervalued, and overused.

But the moment women speaks up or asks for basic care, you scream 'Oliver Twist', start claiming it is transactional love and that women are pushing their husbands into crime.

yemmit90:
I understand your point, but trust me, it might not easy for a poor married man to keep saving in order to get gift for his wife on her birthday? You can never understand, until you find yourself in his shoes. He has done the right thing by praising her for the whole world to see, and I think she should be more than grateful for that. Someone who can do that for his wife could've bought a good gift for her if he can afford it.

I also acknowledge the fact that taking care of home and kids is not an easy job, women are really trying in that aspect, and they should be commended for that by their husbands.

This isn't about poverty; it's about being emotionally absent. When praise is used as an excuse for neglect, it stops being love.

She's speaking from a place of brokenness. When someone who's been quiet finally speaks up, it's because the hurt has run deep. She must have felt overlooked; exhausted and tired of neglect disguised as praise for so long.

This isn't about every birthday; she probably let the others slide. But 30 is a milestone; it hits differently. Just one day to show he cares. After standing by him through years of hardship, he didn’t have to give her the world; just something thoughtful to make her feel seen and valued. Instead, she got recycled nicknames on Facebook.

yemmit90:
Lolz, what if he has no money to buy gift for her at that moment? Her husband is a good man for posting her birthday on WhatsApp and Facebook, some men don't even remember their wives birthdays. Besides, it is her home too, and there is nothing wrong if he carries all the burdens too like we men do for ages withiout expectation of being praise.

Even a child can save up for a meaningful gift; it's not always about the price, but the thought behind it. Celebrating someone you love goes beyond a Facebook or WhatsApp post.

When it comes to burdens, both men and women carry them. Many married women dedicate their time to running the home, under traditional expectations.

Time is money, and for a woman whose time is already dictated by family demands, it's harder to push beyond those limits. That doesn't mean she lacks ambition; it means the system makes it harder for her to express it.