₦airaland Forum

marcusverum:
The virginity conversation never ends. Here is where I stand and this is my final submission.

To everyone who immediately demands male virginity whenever female virginity is raised, I have one question.

Where in history has male virginity been a requirement for marriage? In which tribe? In which culture? In which religion?

Even the white wedding dress itself is a symbol of purity. Answer that honestly in your mind. Once you have, you will realize you are simply deflecting.

When a man wants to marry, the woman's family asks what he does, they ask about his capacity to provide. But when a man brings a woman home, his own family ignores his pocket and looks at her character and most importantly, her purity. Each gender carries what belongs to them.

Men are judged by what they can build and provide, this is why they are broke-shamed for underperforming. A man without resources is a man who has failed his primary social function

Women are judged by their sexual discipline, this is why they are slut-shamed for promiscuity. A woman without restraint has compromised the very trait that ensures stability and trust.

Women have a hymen for the same reason men do not. Men and women cannot be measured under the same moral compass, which is why the consequences are not the same.

Virgins are not perfect. They are not angels but they are still the better choice ahead of non-virgins not because of character alone, but because of what they bring to a marriage without being asked.

So to those who argue that virgins do not guarantee good character. If sexual discipline is not good character, then what is sleeping around? A woman who can keep her body in a world where women sell themselves to the highest bidder is not ordinary. She is rare. That discipline alone is the pinnacle of character.

A virgin offers a blank slate, no sexual ghosts, no comparisons to exes, and no emotional residue from past entanglements. Beyond purity, she offers proof of a rare trait in the modern market: the discipline to say no. This level of restraint is only possible because she has successfully navigated a world of manipulation, surpassing the lure of gifts, money and luxuries that compromise others.

As a man, instead of chastising virgins to feel better about your own choices, ask yourself why you aren't seeking a woman with sexual discipline instead of arguing that she doesn't exist.

And as a woman, tell yourself the truth, why are you so worried about virgins? Why do you keep badmouthing them to make yourself feel better? Is it because they still possess the one thing you once had and no longer do?

A woman who could keep her legs closed until marriage undoubtedly has a high level of self-discipline and this often transcends into the marriage.

Truly, change is constant and any woman can go wayward but the majority of women who cheat in relationships are those with prior sexual experience. Most often, they return to an ex or find a new lover nearby. It is a byproduct of indiscipline and recklessness. Old habits rarely die, they simply wait for an opportunity

For one, you can confidently discuss 'no sex before marriage' with a virgin, but you will be living in a fool’s paradise to try that with a woman who is not a virgin. Aside from the words coming out of her mouth, you can never tell if she’s not sleeping with someone else apart from you.

A woman who is sexually active before marriage has a higher tendency to maintain connection with previous sexual partners. That is how paternity fraud happens and when paternity fraud happens, it is men who suffer. No woman has ever unknowingly raised a child she did not give birth to. It is men who get deceived. A man raising another man's child, believing it is his, that is the consequence of ignoring this reality.

No man, regardless of what he argues publicly, will open his eyes and willingly marry a known prostitute. No parent here, mother or father, would celebrate their son bringing home a woman the entire street has passed through. Everyone knows this. The argument only exists online.

The only man who argues loudest against female virginity is a man who regrets his own choice. The only woman who argues loudest against it is a woman who regrets how she spent her prime. Watch the comment section and you will see exactly this play out. Virgins will never argue against this post. Men who married virgins will nod quietly because they already know. The ones performing outrage are the ones this post is about. The truth is always bitter. That has never stopped it from being the truth.

Any man who believes there are no virgins left should examine the life he is living and the places he is searching. Are you finding them at clubs? Hookup spots? Lounges? Men are marrying virgins with good character every single day. Virgins do not announce themselves. They do not perform for attention. Because the loudest women are the most reckless does not mean they are the majority. It only means they are the loudest. Any man who has given up on finding a decent woman should keep that conclusion to himself.

Every woman wants a capable man. She is not looking for a virgin. She wants a man who has worked, built and conquered. So what does she offer him in return? Something she has already given freely to men who offered her nothing. As a man, ask yourself if that is a fair exchange.

Women are ruthless and intentional when they choose a man. A woman with the lowest standards will still desire a man at the top of his game. She will not settle for less than what she believes she deserves in provision. Yet men who are expected to provide everything financially will not even ask a woman what she brings to the table in purity. You are held to a high standard of success, but you refuse to hold her to a high standard of history. You ask for her hand but not her past and then you wonder why your home has no peace.

You will never hear a woman say there are no rich men left. Even a woman who wasted her prime still believes she deserves a wealthy man. She never lowers her standard. She never announces that good men do not exist. She keeps searching. Men should take note.

Think about this carefully. Her womb will carry your seed. Your legacy will grow inside her. A man who is intentional about his future must be intentional about where he plants it. Would you rather eat from a clean table or a dirty one? A brand new vessel or one weathered by years of careless use? If you can sit with that question honestly, you already know the answer.

Most men pursue non-virgin women because access is easier. No waiting. No standards to meet. No patience required but lust is not a foundation. When the consequences of a poor choice begin to surface in your marriage, which they will, and when they do, physical attraction will not save you. The body that drew you in will still be there but so will everything you refused to vet. The same men who mock posts like this are the ones sending anonymous messages to influencers online, broken and betrayed. They chose based on vibes, but they are now living on consequences.

The problem is never the women. The problem is men who are ready to settle for crumbs while women raise their standards daily. This is why most women no longer care about sexual discipline. They already know that somewhere a man is ready to save them regardless of her history. A man who believes a virgin is a long shot will always end up with whatever is left. Men settle for crumbs while women raise their standards and then wonder why the world is where it is today.

This post does not condemn any woman. Not every man will marry a virgin and not every non-virgin woman is unworthy of marriage. Some women are victims of bad relationships or marriages that broke them before they found the right man. There are women who are not virgins but are not wayward. The only intimacy they knew was in a relationship that did not survive. The problem is there is no way for a man to tell the difference from the outside. This is why virginity remains the clearest standard a man has.

If as a man you choose to settle for a non-virgin, that is your right. But do not be careless about it. Your duty is to vet thoroughly. Do not put your future and the future of your children on vibes and lust. Be intentional. Be selective. Choose a woman who serves your present and your future, not just your appetite. The baggage a woman carries into a marriage does not disappear at the altar. It unpacks itself slowly, and you will be the one living with the contents.

So to women who are virgins, keep it. What you carry has value that the world is working hard to convince you to give away for free. To women who are not, stop adding to the count. More men are waking up although some will remain ignorant and learn the hard way. That is their portion.

One thing is certain. A woman will not forgive a man for being unproductive. The day he loses his income, he loses her loyalty. Even a woman with no standards wants a top-tier man. Yet we have men willing to wife women with no standards. Every man bears his own cross but this post will be one that many men will be grateful they read.


- Marcus Verum

kpankpangolo:
You have to narrow it down to female friends and potential romance partners. If you include every female a man knows, I can fill this page with wise advice from female family members.

One of my sisters is in the tech industry. She has talked more substance than I’ve read in Nairaland’s technology section. Another is a medical doctor. When she talks about situations in her place of work, I cement my mind that this forum does not deserve a health section. The last one does three side hustles for a living. Advice regarding mental and financial perseverance are abundant whenever we sit down to talk.

When it comes to romantic partners, all we do is share life experiences. Doing so mostly throws me into the friend zone. I dust myself and move on. I will never learn what women want past physical appearance.

Tekashi89:
Hey guys, my dating life sulks, I haven't been really lucky with girls ever since my secondary School days. Since I was born I've only dated two girls and that was way back in 2016 and last year in 2025.

I tend to attract more guys, single mothers or older women (very old women tend to like me).
I don't know what's it with me that tends to push away younger girls (note I'm 180cm 60kg) light skin most people say I'm handsome. But I don't know why I can't attract young single girls.

Where ever I go I tend to attract only single mothers and when a young girl even start getting attracted to me I'll later discover that she acts that way to every other guy around so there's nothing special about me.

I'm thinking of going spiritual but I just thought I should post it here first.

So guys I need your advice on this issue pls

FreeStuffsNG:
Smh.

Many of you still do not get it how these things work. If you do introduction, you are already married! Both of you are already entangled.

Introduction is even the most important as it officially commences the exchange of vow rites before God, your parents, families, man and the law. If that is not marriage, what then is it?

Don't get entangled at all till the introduction level. If you have strong doubts about the union, cut him or her off before introduction!
It is already too late after introduction because you are already married to the person.

dontrulee:
It's very very easy to hack the female mind.
E no really hard to break them especially the ones with "no sex before marriage"

PerfectStranger:
For this hard economy that instead of helping more men with job roles, na women dey collect am.

If we start employing more men in different job sectors, over 70% of spinsters will get engaged.
Majority of today's 30+ men will not be getting married any time soon or at all, highest na to find one girl give belle, case close

Dtruthspeaker:
See dis one is looking for who to have useless argument with. 🤣🤣🤣.

Tenrack:
leave that one. E go learn the hard way. Dem no dey tell person.

Dtruthspeaker:
These threads prove you are a liar.

https://www.nairaland.com/4155106/why-more-nigerian-girls-becoming#62035529

https://www.nairaland.com/1146407/men-blamed-female-gold-diggers#13607224

https://www.nairaland.com/2985435/counter-thread-why-lagos-ladies#43701461

And where before you said that women should be financially prepared to come to the table now you are trying to defend gold diggers. And you were saying that not all women.

As I always, na phu dey biliv woman

Dtruthspeaker:
Generalization is as a result of the majority conduct, so we must generalize. And in every generalization we are aware of its exceptionalization. However, the exception is the one with the burden of proving itself.

And nonetheless your point is correct.

Dtruthspeaker:
Ad hominem/ad feminam fallacy.

Dtruthspeaker:
Lies!
0
Why don't you people stabilize yourself?

tanigororo:
I guess you failed the comprehension part,
A ladys past is equivalent to the future of a man.

Hypnotise:
Poor or rich, there is an element of gold digging in every woman

Cum4me:
You're right broke married men suffer from those girls too much. 90% of Nigeria girls useless. The day you buy car start dressing well. You go see how poor men girls child are so desperate to have you.

Gbadugbakun:
Not just sir, she should kneel down whenever am talking to her. That's total submission.

Brownlumi:
7 Signs a Woman Has Been Conditioned to See Men Mainly as Providers

(Not always evil. But definitely important to notice.)
What brought about this topic? Recently, I was chatting with a lady, the vibes was good and she was just daddying me, and viola! she dropped the "i want to eat shawarma, it's just 5k now..." and I'm like, this soon, moreover, I'm supposed to be a stranger to you!!!
So, First, an important disclaimer:

This is not about attacking women.
And it’s not saying every woman who likes provision is bad because let’s be honest, most adults want some level of stability, generosity, and competence in a partner.
That’s normal.
This is about something more specific:
When a woman’s mental model of men becomes heavily transactional
Meaning: “A man’s value is strongly tied to what he can provide materially.”
That kind of conditioning can come from past relationships, family upbringing, social media, friends, survival mentality, or sugar-daddy type dynamics and when it’s there, it often shows up in patterns like these:

1) She introduces money too early: This is one of the clearest signs. If a woman barely knows a man and already money is entering the conversation through airtime, food, transport, “small help”, gifts, “just 5k”, “who will spoil me?”, “I’m hungry”, “I need data” …that is usually not random. It often means she is already operating from a frame like:
“Let’s see whether this connection can produce something tangible.”
Now, some people do this playfully but playful billing is still billing and once money enters too early, it often tells you: provision is not a later layer for her — it’s part of the opening script.
That matters bro!

2) Her strongest attraction language is “what can he do for me?”: This one is subtle but very revealing. Watch how she talks about men she likes or respects. If her admiration is heavily centered on things like: “He takes care of me”, “He spends on me”, “He sorts me”, “He handles things”, “He doesn’t come empty-handed”, “He knows how to spoil a woman”…then you’re getting a clue.
Now, again, there’s nothing wrong with appreciating generosity but if the core admiration keeps circling back to: resource output more than character, values, emotional intelligence, integrity, compatibility
…then provision may be sitting too close to the center of her attraction map.
That is worth noticing.
3) She treats financial gestures as proof of seriousness: This is a very big one. In this mindset, a man is not truly “serious” unless he spends. So things like listening, consistency, emotional maturity, honesty, effort, presence,
may not fully count unless there is also money, gifts, payment or “sorting. Tha creates a dangerous dynamic because it means:
sincerity alone may not be legible to her unless it becomes material.
And that can quietly push a man into a loop where he starts feeling like he must: prove himself, keep spending, keep performing financially just to maintain emotional standing.
That’s not healthy.

4) She’s very comfortable asking — even when it’s inappropriate: This is one of the loudest tells. Some people won’t ask because they still have an internal boundary like: “No, that’s too soon.” But a woman who has become heavily provider-conditioned may be surprisingly comfortable asking for things from men in situations where many others would hesitate.

Examples: asking a stranger for money, asking early in the chat stage, asking repeatedly without much shame, framin requests as normal banter, acting surprised when there’s resistance. That comfort level is important because it often means:
the request no longer feels unusual to her.
It feels normal. And that kind of normalization doesn’t usually appear from nowhere.

5) She uses softness, pet names, or emotional tone as a bridge to extraction: This is a big one. She may not always say:
“Send me money.” Instead, she creates a mood where the ask feels emotionally natural.
This can look like: “Daddy 🥺”, “Aww now…”, “You don’t care 😞”, “Who will help me?”, “It’s just small na”, “I’m hungry 😩”, “I wish I had…”

This is powerful because it makes the request feel less like a transaction and more like:

a caring response to her emotional state.
That is how many people get drawn in. It doesn’t always mean she is consciously manipulative. Sometimes it’s just a relational style she has learned works. But either way:

softness can become a delivery system for extraction.
And that’s important to recognize.

6) Her “jokes” about money are too consistent to be just jokes: This is one many guys ignore. A one-off “my love language is money” joke means very little.
But if the money theme keeps showing up again and again through: “credit alert”, “spoil me”, “my love language is money”, “money makes me happy”, “money bouquet”, “who go sort me?”…then at some point, you need to stop saying: “Maybe she’s joking” and start asking: “What if this is actually part of her real value system?” Because often repeated jokes are disguised declarations. People frequently hide their real orientation inside humor because humor gives them deniability. So if you challenge it, they can always say: “Ahn ahn, I was joking na.”
But if it keeps repeating, pay attention.
That repetition is data.

7) She seems more energized by benefits than by connection: This is the deepest sign of all. The question becomes: What really lights her up? Is it: meaningful conversation, mutual understanding, emotional safety, shared humor, values, chemistry? Or does she come alive most when there is money,
gifts,“sorting,” material possibility, provider signals?
That distinction is huge because some people enjoy the atmosphere of being liked but are especially animated by the rewards of being valued materially.
That can create relationships that feel exciting at first but are structurally unbalanced.
And those are the kinds of dynamics that often leave one person feeling: “I gave a lot, but I’m not sure what this really was.”
Painful, but common.
So what do you do if you notice these signs?
This is the part that matters most. Don’t become: bitter, insulting, or self-righteous. And also don’t become: naive, generous-by-pressure or emotionally blind.
The correct response is:

Boundaries + observation
That means: don’t reward early extraction, don’t rush into provider mode, don’t confuse chemistry with character, don’t assume warmth equals sincerity and don’t ignore repeated money framing
Instead, ask: “Who is this person when money is removed?” That one question can save you:
time, stress, confusion, and unnecessary debit alerts 😄 Because when you remove: gifts, favors, airtime, transport, “small help,” you get to see what actually remains of the connection.
And that’s where the truth often lives.
Final reality check

A woman can be sweet, funny, attractive, warm, emotionally expressive…and still fundamentally relate to men through provider expectation.That’s the part many guys struggle to accept because they think “But she’s nice.”
Yes.
She may be nice but niceness and non-transactionality are not the same thing.
Very important distinction.
Final street translation 😄

If every road with her eventually bends toward: money, sorting, spending, or “what are you bringing?”…then my brother, she may not be building with you. She may just be budgeting you.

Richarlison640:
Knack am well well your mate they count better cars them get better business, house and Investment your own na knack, oya knack all the style if you no get condom let me know we go buy for you