₦airaland Forum

ReacherSaidNoth:
Defend your kind if you must, she is a bad women that will only bring regret and misery.

Mr Good man, there are many "good women" who can align with you. Stop disturbing "bad women." We know our peace. We are not into iron benders.

When a Nigerian guy starts talking about "good woman" and "bad woman" like this, I already know what he wants in a woman: gullible, obedient, submissive, and controllable; and I am nothing like that. Anyway, I am a "bad woman" with a conscience, I always avoid guys like you.

One guy once told me, "I love you more because you are submissive." From that day on, I started avoiding him. Till today, he doesn't know what he did wrong. Guys like them are often super- controlling. Some of them would even make major decisions in their woman's life without sitting down to have a proper discussion about the matter. I know their type very well. Even if it is just one important decision that truly matters to you, they won't calm down to talk things through. Instead, they will paint you as a bad woman to everyone.

They"ll be saying things like, "I can't even tell my wife what to do; this is all I'm asking her to do. Is it too much?" They immediately forget all the times she has been silent, all the sacrifices she has made, and all the times she complied without questioning. Some of them can even become violent and start insulting or beating their woman up over the issue. Very narcissistic set of people. I am not competing for the position of "good woman." I just want a peaceful, happy and quiet life for myself.

His lady is even better. My own future wedding checklist doesn't have anything like management on it. What is a wedding without hype? 🤣 Segun Johnson is even on my wedding checklist (Sho ma no wo yen tan? Sho ma no wo yen tan? Are you spending or not? Are you spending or not? 😄)

If my dream wedding is his red flag, then he is also my red flag. I can save for what I want, but I won't downsize my dreams just to please someone's ego. That day is specially for creating beautiful memories.

She is not a bad woman. You guys are simply not compatible.

PerfectStranger:
As a young lady, you don't make your love for a guy transactional and expect the relationship not to be transactional.

After breakup or divorce, every man should collect back whatever they wish to.

Legally and lawfully, a gift is a gift. Once it is given, ownership transfers to the recipient. You cannot take back what you willingly gave simply because the relationship ended; that is not how civil law works. If a woman chooses to return something, that is her decision, not your entitlement. In fact, if she gives anything back to you, it is purely an act of generosity; she is being philanthropic, a good Samaritan; while you just a beneficiary of her goodwill.

Giving is a way of expressing love; even Biblically. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son." Love gives without issuing invoices. It is not transactional.

Logically, both people gave in the relationship. Your money, gifts, and gestures were your way of expressing love. Her time, loyalty, emotions, presence, and thoughtful gestures were hers. You were both giving freely. There was no refund policy attached.

A gift is not a loan. Refunds do not apply to love.

Why you even acting with bitterness? How exactly is it her fault that the relationship didn't work out? Just as you hoped it would succeed, she hoped so too. If someone demands reimbursement for moments that were shared willingly, perhaps it was never love to begin with.

Secure men don't keep receipts. They give because they choose to. When it ends, they walk away with dignity; not invoices; and love again without resentment.

Many financially secure men provide luxurious outings, thoughtful surprises, expensive gifts, even cars because they can comfortably afford them. In most cases, they would still enjoy fine dining, travel, and the lifestyle they are accustomed to regardless. They simply choose to share it with someone they care about.

Fine dinners, trips, beautiful gifts, cars, and special gestures are not investments waiting for returns. They are expressions of affection. For a secure man, generosity is not a burden; it is part of the joy. Seeing the woman he is with happy is part of the experience. Creating beautiful memories together is the reward.

That is not a transaction. That is love expressed in his own language.

essentialone:
‎Listen to me bro, immediately the relationship ends, properties should go back to the rightful owner.

How do I mean?

For instance, if you happened to buy her a phone when you both are in relationship, and she decided to break up with you. Take the phone you bought back with other valuables without looking back.
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‎There is always a reason you fund a w00man. Purpose. Loyalty. Growth. Peace. Respect — The moment that reason dies, your funding must die with it.
‎If the mission is over, pull your resources back. Not emotionally but practically.
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‎Too many w00men are running soft scams in the name of love. Dating as a business model. Affection as a subscription. S€x as a bait. Bills as a lifestyle.
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‎They don’t respect m0ney because they didn’t sweat for it. They didn’t grind for it.
‎They didn’t bleed for it. So they spend it like it grows back on your body.
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‎Hear this clearly bro; 👇
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‎Your hustle is not charity. Your provision is not entitlement. Your generosity is not a lifetime contract.
‎If she stops adding value, you stop adding funds. If she stops respecting you, you stop sponsoring her comfort. If she walks away, she walks away empty handed with only what legally belongs to her.
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‎Anything you paid for that is yours, is yours. Anything you funded for a purpose that no longer exists, is done.
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‎Stop confusing love with foolishness.
‎Stop financing disrespect. Stop rewarding manipulation.
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‎A w00man who truly loves you won’t milk you. A w00man who respects you won’t drain you. A w00man who understands hustle won’t treat your m0ney like free m0ney.
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‎Protect your resources. Protect your legacy. Protect your sweat. Because broke men are made by emotional spending.
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‎Most importantly, hold your m0ney to your chest. Because without your m0ney — you are nobody to her.
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‎Learn and apply.
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‎Class dismissed.
‎Till I come your way again.
‎Keep following for more.

Can you show me one real man who cries over gifts after a breakup? Only little boys think this way. When a relationship doesn't work out, secure men simply move on, because relationships are about connection, not transactions. That is why they walk away peacefully when the connection doesn't click or grow.

My brother, women are not dogs that you can cage with gifts. You better just get yourself a female bingo; with just treats, she would be following you up and down.

Even those real men offering to take women on several trips overseas, don't cage women. But you; just for a mere phone; you are already acting like means of survival. Personally, I just don't even allow guys to fund my trips when we travel together. I do this just to avoid any sense of sexual entitlement coming up.

There are 365 days in a year, some guys would go on two days dating in a year to an eatery with her lady and you would start feeling like means of survival.

essentialone:
‎Bro, at 30, all your secondary school or high school famale class mates would almost be married, yet you'll still be aging gracefully.
‎Only a quarter of the male might be married.
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‎Don't rush. Otherwise, you may end up living with a dem0n for the rest of your awful life. Don't beg any girl to marry you or stay. You have enough time to decide.
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‎If you appear desperate, she'll make rules for you, she'll tell you "buy me shawarma, pizza, high hill, cars, take me to Dubai etc out of your will.
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‎She has the Clock, you have the time. Relax. Don't rush.
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‎If she wants to leave, let her leave, you can't bend to satisfy her selfish demands, rules, standards and regulations.
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‎Understand that w00men have a Biological clock. Men have a Financial Clock. Don't be a victim of her biological clock.
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‎She is on a rush to beat the clock. This is none of your business. Be the designer of your financial clock.
‎Do not waste her time, be direct, tell her what you want. She is racing against her biological clock.
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‎Girls born around 2006 will be 20 years this year. There's enough supply into the dating market yearly.
‎Buying flowers, pizza and chocolates to win her attention is a waste of her time.
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‎Never ever rush into a w00man’s biological clock.
‎At 30, her friends are pressurizing her to get married making her feel inadequate.
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‎She will give you ultimatums. You are not Jesus to save her.
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‎Don't be on a rescue mission. She can leave if she feels your commitment is slow.
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‎Do not be a Simp.
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‎Class dismissed.
‎Till I come your way again.
‎Keep following for more.

O thou saviour of single women, please come to our rescue. Don't leave us, don't leave us.

Pele o, the chosen saviour. Is it only that thing under your trouser that is making you feel like oxygen, or is there something else we don't know?

This recitation of yours is looking like a manual for insecure men. You better take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself.

Host78:
Again, "success" or wealth is not the reason why any of these men married these women.

Most of them worked in close quarters and fell in love. Zuckerberg met Priscilla in school not when she was successful anything.

Both Brad Pitt and Angelina were successful, but he wouldn't dare her until they acted a romantic movie together. Again, working in close quarters.

Michelle was Obama's senior in office and he was assigned to her as a mentee.

Same with Bill and Melinda. These guys mostly worked in close quarters. None of these men married because any of their partners because of the success they achieved.

If you read just beyond the headline and see how this people met their partners and what the men saw in their women, you'll not find an iota of "success" in their narrative.

But keep piling up snows thinking you're making points.

Also, look at your environment. Everyday, rich men are getting married to broke girls even while constantly complaining about girls being broke.

But as soon as they make money, the run to their jobless girlfriends and get married to them.

If success is a consideration for men like most women, most women won't be married today.

No man cares about a woman's money when it comes to romantic relationship. Not a single man in this world.

Once a man makes money, that's all he needs to get married. In fact, the real reason a man works to become successful is primarily so that his wife doesn't work.

Look at your Achalugo and odogwu movies. How many times does the man ask the girl to leave her successful business?

Check all movies in such genres, you'll find this same patten in them where the successful man doesn't want his wife to work.

In fact, you as a woman having money disqualifies you for most men because any hardworking man with self respect wants to be the "man" of the home he's building.

He wants to buy the house you move in, he wants to buy you things and for his children. He wants to lead the home.

Forget this "team" and "partner" nōnsense. Every man desires to lead his family.

Your entire argument is just anecdotes. History is full of counterexamples: Even Beyoncè, Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Serena Williams, Sheryl Sandberg, Nicole Richie, and Oprah Winfrey are living proof; they were independently successful before marriage, and some are even richer or more accomplished than their spouses.

Attraction is complex; reducing it to ego or proximity only exposes your stereotypes. You are not all men; your narrow ideas don't define reality, just stop deceiving yourself.

Age also doesn't dictate desire. Attraction doesn't follow rules: King Charles III, 77, married Queen Camilla, 78, proving that connection and shared values matter far more than numbers.

Host78:
No one is saying the woman should not be selective.

What we are against is the "selective amnesia" where these women are single and blame men for being single.

A successful woman's singleness is hers and hers alone to bear the blame. Not men.

And this is what we cannot stand, when they come out and say either "men are intimidated by our success" which is totally untrue because the men those successful women want do not want them back.

So, no, no one is saying women should not be selective. Let them be selective and hold their shoulders up and accept the "real" reason why they cannot find husbands to marry.

You cannot be gunning for "rich" men to marry you and when such men don't want to marry you, you turn around and say "all" are intimidated by your success or "there are no real men" when you're old and no longer marriageable

Meanwhile the real reason is simply that the men they are hunting for are just not choosing them back.

Look at Tiwa savage. Plenty men are ready to marry her. I can tell you more than 1000 men must have begged to marry her in the past 1-2 years.

But she's probably hunting for men like dangote and such. Now those type of men don't want her because they have better options.

But instead of admitting what she's really hunting for, she wraps it up in "men are intimidated by my success" or "there are no real men anymore" and then sell this selective amnesia to young girls.

Yet, the same Tiwa wants to be 2nd or 3rd wife to a man so long as he is wealthy.

It's not her selectiveness that makes us angry. It's the pretense that she can't find any man or that men are no longer men while her only criteria is "have money more than me"

Selective amnesia is gender-neutral, not just a women's thing. Remember, there is also the kind where men cry 'women are picky,' while they themselves are picky and reject the women they could easily attract. Plenty of women can date them, but they are hunting for women with perfect looks and resumes; and when those women don't choose them back, suddenly it is 'all women are gold-diggers' or 'no good women left.'

Just like some women frame their singleness as men being intimidated by success, some men frame theirs as women being impossible or shallow. The reality is mutual: people want what they want, and it doesn't always match. Owning your choices and your standards is what matters; blaming everyone else is the real selective amnesia.

What I hate most is generalization. Even when it comes to food, we don't all have the same taste buds; so why judge billions of women based on less than 1% who complain online? Selective amnesia works both ways; and calling it out should be gender-neutral.

Jman06:
You just like spreading falsehood just to feel good! Men are not afraid of any so called successful women! They just go for what they find attractive! Before most ladies achieve success, they must have overgrown that age of youthfulness and sexiness. That is why most made men don't marry such ladies but would rather go for the younger girls with everything still intact.

My brother, I get you. No, I'm not arguing with you, I'm agreeing with you. And, who they find attractive is a broke and unsuccessful woman. Like, that is their priority when looking for a wife. Interesting discovery.

Jman06:
You're very correct!

Men prefer beauty, sexiness and youthfulness than a lady's money, education and connections! Only men who are looking for a lady to upgrade them go for a lady's money! Most made men don't care about a girl's wealth, education or social status provided he considers her beautiful and sexually attractive

You get. They can't just stand successful women. You know what, they leave their environment, and run to the village to find a wife, or chase women selling fruits and peppers on the street. As long as she is successful, whether they are attracted to her or not, they take to their heels.

Jman06:
I'm sure that even you might have been given birth to when your dad was already above 50! My dad had 9 children and about 5 were given birth to when he was already 50! This is also obtainable in many homes! Some of our brightest siblings were born when our dads were in their late 50s to early 60s. In fact, it took the intervention of older siblings and other concerned relatives to prevail on many fathers to stop birthing children at their older ages. This fact disproves your claim that old age has significant effects on a man's fertility or on the health of his offsprings!

My grandma was sixty when she gave birth to my dad.

Jman06:
Stop spreading falsehood here just to make yourself feel better. Old age has little to no effects on a man's fertility! A man should have reached the age of 70 and above before the supposed effects of age on sperm manifests and this effect does not even stop him from impregnating a fertile woman!

This is different from women whose fertility starts declining as early as 30yo in some cases.

At a time we are trying to discourage men from birthing too much children, this fallacy you feminists are spreading will only end up encouraging men to continue birthing even at old age in order to prove virility and this would definitely have negative effects on population!

Next time, don't justify ego with myths. Use data.

You are confusing "still capable of reproduction" with "fathering healthy children." Fertility isn't just about making a baby; it is about the probability of a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child.

Male fertility does decline with age. The idea that a man's fertility is unaffected until 70 is false. From 35-40 onward, sperm motility drops, DNA fragmentation rises, testosterone gradually declines, and time to conception lengthens. By the mid 40s and beyond, advanced paternal age is linked to higher risks of miscarriage and certain neurodevelopmental conditions in offspring, including autism and schizophrenia.

Yes, men can father children later in life; but that does not mean fertility is unchanged. A 25 year old and a 55 year old do not have equivalent sperm quality or reproductive risk profiles. Ability ≠ optimal reproductive health.

Biology is clear: aging affects reproduction in both sexes. Men produce sperm continuously, but continuous cell division increases mutation rates over decades. Yes, women experience earlier fertility decline because women are born with a finite number of eggs. The decline is gradual, not sudden, so most women conceive naturally well in their 30s.

Why not stop spreading weak sperm and putting innocent children at risk?

Gerrard59:
You are not being honest about the bold, and that is one big problem I have with people who share your ideology. Across the world, cutting across cultures, races and religions, women have shown a persistent stance for hypergamy where they gravitate towards men who are higher in status than they are. Women are naturally hypergamous.

Women who earn well and even drive better cars have come out to clearly state that they have fewer men approaching them. This is not just in Nigeria, but also in developed countries. That is, when they had nothing, men approached them, but as their earnings increased, the men dwindled. So, why lie?


The question is: how many 30 year old women are open to marrying, not dating, a 24 year old lad? How many 24 year old lads who are financially independent are willing to marry a 30 year old woman? How many family members of the average 24 year old lad who is financially stable are willing to approve him to marry a 30 year old woman? I emphasise financial stability because, due to poverty, men who haven't achieved much in life are open to marrying older women. But how many older women are even interested in such men as first choice?

You seem exceptionally good at selective observation. Claiming that women are "naturally hypergamous" because some prefer men with a higher status is not science; it is just cherry-picked evolutionary psychology misapplied as a universal law.

What about studies showing that men feel intimidated by high-earning women, why are you not sharing those. Couldn't that be viewed as proof of men being insecure and having fragile egos? Should we also judge men based on them and say all men are insecure about successful women, even though these studies are context-specific?

As societies become more equal, the so-called hypergamy gap shrinks. In countries with higher gender equality, marriage patterns are more flexible. Not all women prioritize status; many value personality, shared goals, emotional support, and compatibility equally or more. High-earning women often have plenty of potential partners; contrary to your anecdote about men only approaching women "when they had nothing."

Marriage and dating preferences are not absolutes. Some younger men seek older women; some older women prefer younger men. Family approval reflects social norms, not immutable truths.

To ignore this is to confuse social conditioning with biology; and to display profound ignorance in the process.

kiddaz:
That you get approached by younger guys doesn't mean they want to settle with you. It's the thrill of dominating a more experienced and advanced partner. And maybe you're pretty/sexy too so that adds to fuel the fantasies. Madam na hard knack dem want knack you no go dey reason am too much. When it comes to that I think the older the better sef for some but when it's to settle and build with, walk the walk with, grow with and raise a family don't flatter yourself, a lot of guys do care about age

The last time I checked, those ones close to me know I don't believe in sex while dating.

Gerrard59:
It is the dishonesty that pisses me off! I know many ladies who pursue their PhDs or have them, and for the majority, they are single. For the married ones, they married before they commenced their PhD programs. As I write, one plans to marry before she commences hers because, from her observation, single women who started their PhDs remained single even after they completed their degrees. Again, it is not that it is impossible for these women not to get married, but women being who they are aspire to marry much wealthier men, more educated men and generally, men who are higher than or at least equal to them.

These men are fewer, and they have more options because there are many younger women who are available and willing to mate with them. Also, as I have recently read, genetic abnormalities are significantly reduced when older men have children with younger women than with older women.

This is basic biology and basic economics to an extent. Why and how people refuse to acknowledge it befuddles me.

I am not bothered that you are pissed off but I just need to speak some sense into you. Mr man, come here. Who exactly is being dishonest? So we are all supposed to live in your imagination? We all have to live in your world?

You think those PhD ladies you know represent every single woman?

I am a woman, and personally, I am skeptical about marriage; but I am even more skeptical about dating up. I prefer to even build with a man.

If you did some personal research on me, especially at this moment, and saw the kind of people I am surrounded by, you would be confused. You wouldn't understand how or why I am not married. Even my guy has been telling people to talk to me so we can just get things done. I'm even reserved about saying certain things so it doesn't come across as pride or bragging, and I have also discovered that the online world is actually Spiritual, so one as to be careful about putting things out.

Seventy-five percent of what circulates online is mere hearsay, particularly from Nigeria.

ebubeson:
With the rate at which several people are increasing in age and still single, they may need to reduce their taste in wedding and marriage.

Once you get the right partner, you may have to shorten the wedding/marriage process, plan for a simple and cheap wedding.

Shortening a wedding/marriage process does not mean you will bye pass what needs to be done, but what needs to be done should be done timely.

Marry quickly if possible.

You get. Is a wedding even necessary? She just needs a Ghana Must Go to pack her things and move in with him.

Omoawoke:
First I appreciate your mature and intelligent engagement on this, you have been calm and addressing the issues…

You’re right that male age affects sperm quality and can increase certain risks. No serious person will deny that. But the biological difference is that sperm production continues throughout a man’s life, while egg supply is fixed and eventually ends permanently at menopause.

Like I said, a man at 60 or even 70 can still reproduce naturally. But a woman at that same age cannot, regardless of health. Sperm quality may reduce gradually, but female fertility has a biological endpoint that male fertility does not. And this is why female age remains the most importtant predictor of natural fertility outcomes in reproductive medicine.

I believe acknowledging both realities gives the most honest and complete picture.

You have laid out the biological differences very clearly.

Women don't have to wait until menopause to make reproductive decisions; options like egg freezing are available. Menopause usually even occurs around 50, and many women marry before then.

Omoawoke:
Regarding your recent research

Let’s be realistic and stick to biology, not emotions.

A man at 60 or even 70 can still father a child. It has happened many times. But a woman at 60 or 70 cannot naturally give birth. Once menopause happens, that door is permanently closed.

The reason is simple. Women are born with fixed eggs that decline sharply and eventually finish. Men produce new sperm throughout life. Sperm quality may reduce gradually, but it does not suddenly stop like female fertility.

So yes, male age affects fertility, but it is gradual and not an absolute biological shutdown. Female fertility decline is sharp, irreversible, and final.

This is why female age is the number one predictor of fertility in medicine worldwide.

This is not opinion. This is biology.

This is biology, not opinion. These findings come from multiple studies showing that fertility is a shared issue. Fertility is not just about producing babies; it is about producing healthy babies.

Older fathers are one of the biological factors that increase the risk of children being born with significant genetic or developmental challenges that affect their lives. Older men in their 60s or 70s, often have weaker sperm, which increases the risk of miscarriage, genetic abnormalities, and conditions such as autism, schizophrenia, and other congenital disorders.

In the past, women were unfairly blamed for fertility complications, but recent research makes it clear that sperm quality is a major factor. Male age significantly affects pregnancy outcomes and child health, just as female age does.

Women:
30-34: ~10-15% decline in fertility potential
Men:

35–39: ~10-15% reduction in sperm quality

Men and women in their 30s are generally very fit to have healthy pregnancies. Only a small percentage experience fertility-related complications, and healthy pregnancies are very common.

Omoawoke:
I understand your point…

Maybe you don’t understand my question… I’m speaking in terms of numbers- data.. Data has no emotions and it deals with reality… and this isn’t even my theory but based on peer reviewed research. You can do your search…

I am sure you know what they call a normal distribution…
There would be few situations that will fall at two ends of the distribution but the normal distribution would always have majority falling in place with the data…

I am not disputing the fact that there are exceptions, but the majority will always carry the vote… and that’s my point…The more a woman rises and grow older, the fewer the chances she has with men and that’s why there are so many single women in their 30s unlike before.

Imagine if women only chase Undergraduates degree and stop there to focus on family, and if men earn higher than women, there would be much more successful dates leading to families and more married people.
I didn’t create the rule, I am only pointing out what’s the reality and my claim is not a theory but backed with data and peer reviewed research

Check below :

https://ourworldindata.org/global-decline-fertility-rate



https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/brown-manning-nonmarriage-college-educated-adults-2005-2019-fp-22-02.html

Social and cultural norms influenced marriage age patterns. Historically, men were expected to be older than their wives due to financial stability and inheritance norms, which reinforced the trend of men marrying younger women.

Many stereotypes about fertility and older wives are rooted in ignorance and outdated beliefs, rather than biological necessity. Recent research shows that fertility is a shared issue, with age affecting both men and women. Even a healthy 20 year old woman could face challenges if her husband is 40 or older, because male age can impact sperm quality and pregnancy outcomes.

In modern, urban, highly educated, and egalitarian societies, the age gap in marriage has shrunk and continues to shrink. For example, in Sweden and Norway, up to 20% of marriages feature wives older than their husbands.

Globally, about 60-75% of marriages have the husband older, 10–20% are about the same age, and 15-25% have the wife older.

In high-income Western countries, husband older marriages are 55-65%, with wife older marriages around 20-30%.

In regions like South Asia and Sub-Saharan Africa, husband-older marriages are more common (75-90%), while wife older marriages are usually under 10-15%.

Men marrying women older than them is far from rare especially in enlightened environments.

Omoawoke:
Don’t you think you are having an avoidant issue?

I asked a simple question of numbers …

We all know there are few exceptions but the question is how many occurrences of such do you see a woman marrying downward? Compared to the norm where women marry mostly upward.?

And let’s start wit you, your sisters and your friends, lol, which of you married/dated or currently dating someone younger and lower in status than you are?
This is a very simple question and let’s stop wasting each others time with unnecessary epistlesZ

Although I enjoy sharing experiences, there are certain limits to what I share about my family. I value the privacy of the people around me, and I don't believe giving too many personal details is necessary to make a broader point.

That said, I do know women who are higher in rank or status than their husbands. For example, I have an aunt in the force who outranks her husband; they even met through work. Situations like that exist more than people assume; they are just not always loud or stereotypical, especially when the relationship is healthy and balanced.

As for me, my choices are based on personality and compatibility, not status or age. I have dated men who were not at the same level as I was at the time. I have even supported a guy I was dating financially when he needed my assistance.

I have younger male friends and have dated younger men. It is just that I don't enter relationships casually so I avoid dating a lot. I tend to even maintain more friendships than relationships because I'm not good at breaking up. If I don't see genuine long-term potential, I prefer to keep things at the level of friendship rather than venture into dating.

Host78:
No. Men are not hermaphrodite because a hermaphrodite is someone with both male and female reproductive parts

Secondly, there's something called a baseline for everyone.

I don't need to be a prophet to know all humans must like good food. The kind of food they like might be different but the baseline is "all humans like good food"

The same with men. All men like beautiful women before anything else a woman might offer.

All men like women other men cannot touch after this (most men won't care if such a woman is a virgin or not but once they commit to her, they want to know that she is no longer offering herself to other men anymore) .

And after this, they want a respectful woman who is submissive, listens to them and want to do things for them.

Take this woman and give to any man and promise him that she'll never change and he'll marry her today even if he's just meeting her.

We don't think alike, this is why our idea of beauty is very different. I consider a woman beautiful if she has a fine face, light skin with tiny bóóbs and big backside.

This is my idea of beauty. Other men dont consider this as beauty.

Virginity is not a funny part. All things being equal, any man would rather choose a virgin than a second hand woman.

But if a man can't get a virgin and he meets a girl that's beautiful, respectful and submissive, he'll still marry her.

Now, did you see any mention of success in the requirement?

Now when a woman is successful, she suddenly puff up her shoulders, raise her standards to high heaven thinking she has something.

Something no man ever desired or wants in a woman. It's like going to a blind town and selling mirrors. And because you're the only seller, you raise your price high thinking they have no option apart from buying from you.

Yes, you can raise your prices higher than anything else as a sole seller and yes, mirrors are good but it's not useful or of no use to the blinds.

So, in the end, you have beautiful mirrors selling at high prices but no one is buying because no one will use it in a blind town.

The same with successful women. They get successful, raise their standards based on that and then go to places where "richer" men are and want those men to chase after them.

These richer men just are not interested in what they are selling.

Like I always say: successful women are a joke when it comes to dating.

Until they can go into the gutter and pick up a man, bath him, brush him up and put him in their house and provide for him, their success is a joke.

Normally, humans with both male and female reproductive traits are not called hermaphrodites; I specifically used that inappropriate term for you. The correct term is intersex, and biologically, men or women can be intersex.

Can you explain this?
Michelle Obama was a Harvard educated lawyer and professional before marrying Barack Obama.

Melinda Gates was a Microsoft executive and philanthropist before marrying Bill Gates.

Priscilla Chan was a pediatrician and medical researcher before marrying Mark Zuckerberg.

Grimes was an acclaimed musician and producer before she dated Elon Musk.

Serena Williams was a tennis legend with multiple Grand Slam titles before marrying Alexis Ohanian.

Angelina Jolie was an Academy Award-winning actress and humanitarian before marrying Brad Pitt.

Gwyneth Paltrow was an Oscar-winning actress before marrying Chris Martin.

Victoria Beckham was a Spice Girl, successful fashion designer, and entrepreneur before marrying David Beckham.

Priyanka Chopra was a Bollywood and Hollywood superstar before marrying Nick Jonas.

Salma Hayek was an Academy Award-nominated actress and producer before marrying François-Henri Pinault.

Amal Clooney was a top international human rights lawyer before marrying George Clooney.

😂🤣🤣

Host78:
This is your problem.

You say "you're not a woman, so you have no right to tell us what a woman want"

But at the same time, you tell us what men want even when a man says that's not what men want.

I see what you are pointing out, and I get it. My intention was just to correct the idea that all women prioritize dating men that are higher or more successful than them. I have learned not to generalize, because not every guy thinks, acts, or prefers the same things; and the same goes for women. I was just adding my perspective on guys to offer a bit more insight.

Host78:
You know such men just like every woman knows men who would give her a million dollars but she's never dating such men.

My dear, the men you know is more or less a single grain at the seashore.

Myself, I know men who are billionaires, doesn't mean I go about feeling like all men are billionaires or that majority of men are billionaires.

The men you know are less than 0.00000000000001 percent of most men. what I'm telling you here is what almost any man you meet today will agree with regardless of whether you know them or not.

And yes, any man here can be the standard for men everywhere in this world.

See, men's requirements for dating and marriage is so simple, it's almost predictable.

As a man, I know every man wants a beautiful woman, a virgin (or at most a woman who doesn't sleep around), a woman who respects him, knows how to keep a conversation going and ontop of that, loves to do things for him.

Take this and give to any man and he'll gladly marry such a girl. Of course there's a few variations like "what does a man consider beautiful?"

It's almost predictable. This is why a father can easily marry a wife for his son. All he needs is to know what his son considers as beautiful.

The rest is something that is universal. It's very very simple. Na una wey be girls just dey form akara.

If all men think alike, as you claim, then logically, it is possible that you are a hermaphrodite, not just a man. The funniest part is that you even mentioned virgins. Can you name just ten highly respected successful men who married a virgin

Host78:
It's not Nollywood. It's reality.

Ronaldo married a salesgirl.

Messi married who we don't know. Check out any rich well known man and then try to see the girl beside him if she's anything successful.

Any know male celebrity in Nigeria married some obscure woman you only got to know because he married her.

This is a bankable fact. Men marry for beauty. Your money is nothing

Again you prove my point saying this:

"Successful men don't necessarily prioritize poor women or avoid successful women; those are just nollywood tales. Many men choose women they are genuinely interested in, regardless of their status."

You see, men don't prioritize wealth or poverty in women.

They marry who they desire and what evokes desires in men?

1. Physical beauty 2. Purity and innocence 3. Respect and submissiveness

Now, a woman who's 30+ with money and high standards or whatever lacks all these qualities.

Now put her in the dating pool with all the other jobless women who possess the above qualities, why should a man pick her over the others?

Successful men even often prefer women who are high achievers in their own right; not obscure women.

Michelle Obama was a Harvard educated lawyer and professional before marrying Barack Obama.

Melinda Gates was a Microsoft executive and philanthropist before marrying Bill Gates.

Priscilla Chan was a pediatrician and medical researcher before marrying Mark Zuckerberg.

Grimes was an acclaimed musician and producer before she dated Elon Musk.

Serena Williams was a tennis legend with multiple Grand Slam titles before marrying Alexis Ohanian.

Angelina Jolie was an Academy Award-winning actress and humanitarian before marrying Brad Pitt.

Gwyneth Paltrow was an Oscar-winning actress before marrying Chris Martin.

Victoria Beckham was a Spice Girl, successful fashion designer, and entrepreneur before marrying David Beckham.

Priyanka Chopra was a Bollywood and Hollywood superstar before marrying Nick Jonas.

Salma Hayek was an Academy Award-nominated actress and producer before marrying François-Henri Pinault.

Amal Clooney was a top international human rights lawyer before marrying George Clooney.

Host78:
you said this and then went ahead to tell him what men want.

Well I'm not a woman, so I'm not going to tell you what women want.

But as a man I can tell you this confidently:

Never since the history of this world has any man ever listed "successful, money and wealth" as a criteria when looking for the woman of his dream.

Let that sink in slowly.

No man has ever looked at a woman's collection of cars, her bank accounts or the position she occupied in her place of work and say that's the woman for me.

It has never come up any man's group discussion.

Men don't just rate women for money.

What a man ever want and I'll type this in order of importance:

1. Physical beauty
2. Youthfulness
3. Respectfulness and virginity

A man will fall in love with a woman's physical appearance first and approach her. Some men won't care about the virginity provided she's not the type that sleeps around but the respect is very important.

Take this to any man you know and they will agree with this. I mean ANY MAN YOU KNOW IN THIS WORLD.

You see anything about success and wealth there? Men don't care about that.

😂😂😂 This is cracking me up. Many nairaland guys often act like they are the standard for every man in Nigeria and the world. I know men who would never date a woman who is a liability, and only want women who are already doing well on their own.

Host78:
And the worst part, instead of facing reality, they are blaming men, saying men are intimidated by their success.

How can you be successful and still want to marry a "more successful" man?

What then is the point of your success?

A man wants to be successful so he can be a provider for his spouse and family. And so when he's successful, he can marry a poor lady, a rich lady or any lady his heart desires because he now has the money.

A woman will become successful and want to marry a more successful man, what then is the point of the success?

If you're earning millions and looking for who will still pay your bills, provide for you, then you're not different from the average broke girls.

Even worst, you want more things and then wants to be respected without being submissive because you now have your own money.

So a man who wants to marry you needs to do everything he does for a regular girl at a higher price because you have "tastes and standards" while getting a "louder and less submissive" partner, who's probably older and less pretty.

Don't you see the man is gaining nothing? Why would any sane rich man go for a successful lady when he has better options?

The only way these women can win is to either give up on marriage totally and become baby mamas or go out there and pick an okada man to marry.

Marry one of those Okada men or labourer, put them at home as your "house husband" and provide for them.

Successful men do this. They marry cute, young and lovely pos operators, sales girls, fuel pump attendants or nail technicians all the time.

So why do successful women not do the same thing?

Instead they still want wealthy men who will chase after them.

Successful women are a joke

Try to avoid forming your perspective based on nollywood movies; many of them are fictional. Instead, listen to real-life experiences from people. Successful men don't necessarily prioritize poor women or avoid successful women; those are just nollywood tales. Many men choose women they are genuinely interested in, regardless of their status. Subscribe to Mrs. Ibukun Awosika's YouTube channel to learn more life lessons.

Omoawoke:
I know there are relationships where women are older

My point is this, they are generally fewer than men being older

And not just about age. I’m talking about career, money and status… how many people do you see going to marry a man younger, and lower in status…?
A man can be younger yet higher in status

When a man and a woman reach a stage of comfort, they won't want to jeopardize that comfort for anything. Some might even decide not to get married.

Money does not have a face or character. Those you see pursuing men with money or status are often average women looking for elevation, or women who are used to being sponsored by a man and want an even more successful man to take over that role.

Many successful women simply need a good man who will treat them right, regardless of their status; not a man who will turn their peaceful, queen-like life into a problematic one.

Many of them can easily date average men who are doing reasonably well on their own. It is men who are still struggling for survival that they mostly avoid, because many of those men are very insecure and create unnecessary problems.

Younger men, just like divorced men and older men (more than 20 years older), tend to be more predictable. They are often very good at caring for a woman. It is not just about money; they give women the respect they deserve.

Young men who date women not more than seven years older than themselves tend to be very caring because they are genuinely interested in the woman. Similarly, divorced men tend to be overly caring because they do not want what happened in their previous relationship to repeat itself, and older men (more than 20 years older) tend to be naturally generous and caring.

Life is not black and white. If a woman finds peace of mind and happiness with a man, regardless of his status, she will prefer him.

Who does not like peace of mind? And who, in their right senses, would choose problems when there is a choice? Many Nigerian women married problematic men because they felt they had no choice; some did it for survival.

Money can always be earned, and it moves from hand to hand. With great potential and good business ideas, two people can work together to reach even the greatest heights.
Many couples fail to achieve greatness together because they see each other as rivals. I have seen many foolish couples who, instead of building together and competing against the world, compete against themselves.

Omoawoke:
This is sweet to say that young men prefer older women..

But face reality, this is not Bollywood , how many women have you ever seen marry downwards?

lol, are you dating a younger man you are richer than?

Don’t complicate things, how many of your friends or sisters or female cousins go to date a younger man that is even below them in education and career ? Tell me!

A man can complete his PhD and go and marry a girl doing nysc
Can you finish your PhD as a woman and go marry a man doing nysc?

I know many relationships where the wife is older, but you would never know unless someone told you because they don't act like it. The wife being older than the husband is not common but it is not just often exposed to the public.

Though, my guy is more successful and wealthier than I am, I am actually more skeptical about dating a wealthy man than an average man. I only agree to date someone more successful after careful scrutiny. I even prefer to build with my partner.

PerfectStranger:
Get the bitter truth, any man going for an older lady has selfish intentions or simply gold-digging.

No right thinking man who's doing well will opt for an older ki*ty(5yrs older above)

In my 30s, single and unmarried. Economy is blurry. I might accept an older lady with the funds,(with selfish reasons). Not coz I'm genuinely intentional but just to clamp down on my financial stress.

But personally I'm not even fascinated about the concept of marriage anymore, financial stress has ruined my mental health resulting in low interest, so if it comes fine,if it doesn't, life goes on but no man is ready to get married with low funds coz it's tantamount to settling with poverty

She might be a good lady,nice character,loving and sweet but that age factor will always linger on my mind coz marriage in this part of the continent was structured in a way that a man is suppose to be older than his spouse and not the other way around.

Guy, speaking from my own personal experience I totally disagree with you. Age has never been a barrier for me. The "age factor" is just one of those internet myths and lies. I get approached a lot by younger guys.

In fact, recently, a 25 year old boyfriend of someone I know (she is 24) has been persistently persisting me. He even broke up his relationship with her. And even after I explained to him that "ladies' code" doesn't permit such, he came to my shop and dropped £200 because I refused to give him my account number.

A lot of guys don't care about age. Once they like a lady, they will use every means to pursue her.

Omoawoke:
In response to this post. https://www.nairaland.com/8622686/why-many-30-40-something

Ladies may not like this truth

Women empowerment was sold as the ultimate path to freedom, fulfillment, and control over their lives.

Education. Career. Money. Independence.

It sounded perfect.

But nobody warned women about the trade-off.

Biology never changed.

Women still prefer men they respect.
And respect, whether people like it or not, is heavily tied to competence, stability, and economic strength.

Now here is the paradox modern society created:

As women climb higher economically, the number of men they consider equal or acceptable becomes smaller.

Not because men disappeared.

But because hypergamy never disappeared.

It simply collided with equality.

This is why you now see:

– More single, successful women than ever before
– More men opting out of relationships completely
– Marriage ages rising rapidly
– Fertility rates collapsing globally

You are not a woman, so why do you think you are in the best position to explain what we want?

Age doesn't determine respect; maturity does. A twenty-four year old man can date a thirty year old woman without any issues.

Being successful gives women even more options. Some women prefer younger men, some others prefer men at the peak of their success. There are also women who actively support their partners in achieving success.

What you need to understand is that when a man and a woman start dating, even if the woman is older, the age factor tends to fade. Over time, they rarely even notice the age gap.

Men, whether younger or older, have some level of ego, a healthy ego is normal. Many men who marry older women; especially those who are not more than seven years older; are very mature. They rarely tolerate or permit disrespect.

ChristineC:
everybody will not get married but you need to be intentional about getting married early enough, especially as a woman. unfortunately many young girls have been/are being deceived by "empowerment" and are increasingly bitter.
if you desire it and it comes, then do what you will to make it work.
if it doesn't come, then well...
live the best you can 🤷 and leave your environment better than you met it.

You must be joking. Single ladies are the ones truly happy, enjoying constant peace of mind. It is the married women who are bitter. What exactly is "happy" about many Nigerian married women?

Do you think life is fulfilled simply because you have a man at home, even if he is toxic, violent, self-centered, lousy, annoying, or worse?

It is a good thing there are men who reject harmful societal norms and treat women with respect. God knows, if I were to judge by Nigeria's relationship structure alone, I would totally avoid marriage. I see marriage as the unknown, but with the right green lights, I am considering taking the risk.

If it were just about traditional roles, it could still make sense if seen as just a division of labour. But many of the other things society normalizes; cheating, violence, overly controlling behaviour, belittling, over-stressing women like donkeys, and demanding endless sacrifices; are the real issue.

MONEY247:
Sincerely speaking, I do sit and ask myself what If i marry what would be my gain.?

As a man what's the benefit of marriage?

Your question and perspective reflect the kind of women you often encounter; and the kind of person you are.

Beyond finances, what do you actually bring to a marriage? If every woman you met was already thriving on her own and didn't need your money to survive, what would you truly offer? What value do you add emotionally, mentally, or Spiritually?

Marriage isn't a transaction where one person wins and the other loses. It is a partnership; two capable adults choosing to build together, support each other, and grow side by side. When it is healthy, both people benefit emotionally, practically, and personally.

I actually asked this same question recently; in reverse. I asked what women gain from marriage, but my guy made me realize I was looking at it the wrong way. Though, he is wealthier than I am, he makes me feel valued and important in his life.