₦airaland Forum

Jeff121212:
Guys I'm pretty popular on nairaland but to avoid banters, I created this account. Do pardon my typos and mistakes, I'll try to be as brief as possible.

I dated this girl for like a year and during that period we sure did have intercourse frequently. After a while we broke up because according to her, she lost feelings for me. I pleaded but she insisted that her decision was absolute so I let it slide.

Recently, I became better than I was financially, way better. I wouldn't want to attribute her coming back to it but she did come back and we got talking again.

About a month ago she said she had accomodation issues and pleaded to move in with me. I obliged. We became as close as we were when we were dating (,or so it seems to me).

I noticed that she changed churches and she is more fervent now. Although it didn't change much, we still do get intimate in the heat of it but for about a week or so now, she refused to give in to my advances. I confronted her and she said her pastor asked her not to.

Now the issue is I'm a one woman man who doesn't believe in philandering (sleeping around). Coupled with her living with me, I'm lost as to how to address this issue. I need suggestions guys, I really do like her and would love to settle down with her (God willing).

Thanks Guys

mibrims:
I had a similar experience back in 2018
Been dating her since 2014 and in 2018 during our nysc in same state everything changed
Bro jst move on already, even if she makes a U turn as u pray. Don’t take her back
A broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage. Be a man and delete everything about her. U will thank me later
All the best bro

sapien:
Good evening, Romancelanders. It's quite a lengthy read, so bear with me.

This lady and I have been dating for the past 4 years, and I am planning on making it official later this year, though Covid-19 made my finances quite complicated recently, but things are getting back in shape.

Recently, specifically over 2 weeks ago, she suddenly stopped picking my calls. Prior to that, we haven't seen each other since September last year. She always comes up with one excuses or the other every weekend whenever I tell her to come over to my place or if I want to go over to her place to see her. I always have busy schedules during the midweek, so we usually have only weekends to see each other.

I have gone to see her mother and her siblings last year. They accepted me as a prospective in-law. The mum said she queried her daughter and she told her that I was the one she would like to spend the rest of her life with, hence the mum's invitation. Her mum usually calls me from time to time, and I do talk to her, too.

Couple of days back, I had to call the mum to report her daughter to her regarding the uncharacteristic change in her daughter's behaviour, and how, despite living in the same city, we haven't seen each other in 4 months, and how she has refused picking my calls in more than 2 weeks.

She promised to talk to her and ask her what the problem was and get back to me. I waited for some couple of days, but when I didn't see the mum's call, I had to call her back. I had to ask her to give her daughter her phone so I could talk to her and ask her some salient questions regarding our relationship. She kept saying there is no problem and that I didn't offend her, and our relationship is still standing strong. I asked if she was going through some personal issues that she could share with me and we might find a solution; she said she was perfectly okay. We settled our issues right there and then, and she promised to call back the second day.

I waited for the second day and I did not see her call. I had no choice than to call her back. Ladies and gentlemen, this girl didn't pick my calls. When she eventually picked after multiple missed calls, she was talking to someone else, while my airtime was burning out. I became enraged. I had to call the mum the second day to tell her I was no longer interested in the daughter, that she was probably seeing someone else, and she didn't have the guts to tell me.

The mum swore that her daughter is not seeing someone else, as far as she knows, and that she hasn't brought anyone to meet her. The mum is a Deeper Lifer, and from my interactions with her, she doesn't condone two-timing. She promised to talk to her daughter, that maybe we should give ourselves more time, like taking a break for a couple of months.

I am not usually this patient, and never condoned negligence and disregard in my previous relationships. However, this girl had been special to me, prior to her negligence. She was quite dedicated to me during the course of our 4-year-old relationship. She was never demanding, and was contented and altruistic, too. She helped me many times in the past, financially, whenever I was broke, and I always repaid her back, too. She was a wife material, and loved by my family as well.

The questions are;

1. Do I disregard the mum's advice?

2. Do I still give this girl another chance after her blatant negligence?

Mods, you might do well by moving this piece to the front page.

husseinaaa:
Am willing to work for anyone to help buy me a sewing machine.

I feed myself and my little sisters with sowing please help me get a sewing machine we are suffering. I will do anything just to get get and start working again. I don't have any one to look up to I plead to be helped.

BabaIbo:
I am a young man in my thirties and she should be in the same range(I didn't ask her about her age because I don't really lay emphasis on age). We are from neighbouring towns.

As my heading reads, recently I met a lady online and we have been communicating well and I noticed she ticked most of the boxes of what I want in a woman.

Prior to now, I told myself I will stay away from anything woman because I just started a business last year and I want it to grow and balance before thinking of any thing women or marriage.

Recently, I noticed I am developing strong feelings for her, strong enough to lead to the alter.

Now the problem is, she is a single mother of two, we don't stay in the same city and the father of those kids seems to live in a neighbouring city to where she lives(although to a good extent the father of those kids is not a problem).

My question is what will you advice me to do in this situation?
*Go on and start a relationship with her.
*Keep her as a friend, although she may get hooked by another man along the line.

Anybody here who have been in similar situation, should help share their experiences too.

Note: She has never been married.
She is working and comfortable, money a problem is not a problem, i.e no unnecessary billing associated with some relationships.

millionboi2:
There are moment we got lost in our thoughts,and begin to wish so many things.

How do you feel when the thought of death cross your mind?

Gayatri:
THERE IS THIS BUSINESS WE ARE DOING TOGETHER, BECAUSE THAT WAS HOW WE MET AND HE IS THE ONE HANDLING A PART OF IT SO I HAD TO CALL HIM THAT IM TERMINATING THE BUSINESS WITH HIM BUT HE TOO HAD SOMETHING TO TELL ME BUT DIDNT HAVE THE COURAGE TO BUT I HAD TO MAKE HIM SPIT IT OUT SINCE WE ARE OPEN TO EACH OTHER. SO HE SAYS THAT HIS GIRL CALLED HIM AGAIN AND SAID WHATEVER WE ARE HAVING WONT WORK.. AND HE SAID HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE THE BAD PERSON IN THE RELATIONSHIP IF EVER THERE WAS GOING TO BE A BREAK UP.. AND NOW HE IS 30 HE HAD TO SHOW THAT HE CAN BE LOYAL IN A RELATIONSHIP. SO HE SAID HE WON'T BE COMMUNICATING THAT MUCH.. THAT IT WAS NOT ABOUT THE TEXTS OR CALLS BUT THAT HE HAS DEEP FEELINGS FOR ME THAT HE CAN NOT CONTROL SO NOW HE IS MANNING UP TO STOP OVER COMMUNICATING WITH ME,., THAT EVEN HE HARDLY SAYS NO TO ME SO THIS WAS TOUGH FOR HIM SO WE SHOULD BE HAVING SHORT CALLS.. ALRIGHT SINCE HE WAS BEEN HONEST, ALTHOUGH IT CAME AS A SHOCK BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO THAT AS ADVISED HERE, FIRST.. SO I SAID OKAY BUT IT'D BE DIFFICULT.. HE SAID YES.. SO I DECIDED TO TEASE HIM ABIT AND SAID HE SHOULD NOT BOTHER BECAUSE IM HAVING A FEELING THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE IS WAITING AND IMMEDIATELY HE SAYS NOOO I SHOULD NOT GO OUT YET FOR ANYONE... THEN I SAID IM TERMINATING MY BUSINESS WITH YOU AND HE WAS MADLY HURT, BECAUSE HE WAS NOT EXPECTING IT AND FINALLY I SAID JUST BE PREPARED, ONE DAY YOU MIGHT NOT HEAR FROM ME AND HE FROZE.. HE DIDNT KNOW I WAS ABOUT DOING IT IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE CALL.. HE WAS FEELING ON TOP.. HE SAID HE WANTS TO BE REPONSIBLE NOW FOR THE FUTURE.. I UNDERSTOOD THE PART.. AND HE SAYS HE WANTED HIS RELATIONSHIP AND OUR FRIENDSHIP BUT HE DIDNT KNOW HOW HE MADE US GO THIS FAR BECAUSE HE WENT THROUGH OUR CHATS AGAIN.. SO WE AGREED WE TALK IN THE DAY TIME ON LIMITED TIME, HE SAID HE DOES NOT TRUST HIS HEART HEARING ME ALL THE TIME.. HE SAID HE HARDLY TELLS HIS OWN BABE "I LOVE YOU" BUT HE'S TELLING ME NOW THAT IF HE HAD NOT MET HIS BABE, HE WOULD HAVE COME FOR ME BECAUSE HE TRULY LOVES ME AND DIDNT KNOW HOW TO BALANCE THE WHOLE THINGS... I SAID NICE THINGS TO HIM TOO BECAUSE IN MY HEART I KNEW TWAS MY LAST WITH HIM.. LET HIM FIND ME IF HE TRULY MEANT HIS WORDS.. EVEN WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT IF HE WANTED OUR FRIENDSHIP TO LAST, HE HAS TO INTRODUCE ME TO HIS GIRL.. AND HE SAYS HE DOESNT THINK SO FOR NOW BECAUSE SHE MAY BE THE ONE OR MAY NOT BE THE ONE.. HE WANTED ME TO MEET HIS "THE ONE" ... AFTER THE LONG CONVERSATION WHICH I CANT WRITE ALL HERE, WITHOUT HIS NOTICE, I BLOCKED HIM EVERYWHERE INCLUDING CALLS.. THATS IT! I DID IT!! THANKS TO YOU ALL FOR YOUR CANDID AND SUPPORTIVE ADVICE.. GOD BLESS...

Gayatri:
I will Sir, thank you for the gracious words..

mibrims:
@ur age ur still doing teenage relationship
Continue, I know love can make one look foolish
At times but dear sister love with ur head not ur heart.. U nid a serious man not a confused play boi
PEACE

mibrims:
@ur age ur still doing teenage relationship
Continue, I know love can make one look foolish
At times but dear sister love with ur head not ur heart.. U nid a serious man not a confused play boi
PEACE

Gayatri:
I do not know how to start this but i will write as it comes... I was in a 2 year relationship that ended in march this year.. I was so commited in it like naturally when im dating, i DO NOT notice other guys and i DO NOT ask my boyfriend for financial assistance because i feel im not his responsibility,, what i do appreciate mostly were little things like, chatting, kindness, hugs, opening and closing of doors for me,, just little things, coz i adore them so much.. But anyway it ended.. And i vowed never to date again come what may.. During the break up process, all my friends (guys, hardly have a girlfriend) were there to help me pull through.. Calls and texts constantly because, according to them, they knew my type, thus the help.. Funny enough, i never got attracted to any of them (even the ones that initially asked me out when my friendship with them was fresh) and im not the sex sex type to just fall for any to satisfy my desire.. Though i got advice from neighbours to find someone else than staying alone, i said no especially as i am a loner but a happy loner.. I keep myself busy with work or any stuff that makes me happy.

Fine, two months later (june), some guy reached out to me even as he knew he's got a girlfriend, whixh according to him later, they were in an open relationship.. He stays in oshogbo, his girl stays in kaduna while im in sagamu..Before then, he reached out online by first stalking me on facebook (even though we did same online business), after a while he got talking with me.. At first, i was harsh, very harsh to him but he never minded.. At a point i stopped talking to him.. A month later he reached out again, asking if we were still friends.. I was like yeah, not nice to him at all but he was patient with me..

From mid-july we started talking well as friends, he was very open as i was to him. We flowed well that things were happening to us coincidentally.. Whenever he yawns, i do at my place, if im having a scratch, he does too.. There was just plenty of this connection that we never got tired of each other.. In the procesa of our been honest, he told me about his girl and how she was still keeping her ex and all whatnots... I didnt feel any iota of jealousy because i had not feelings for him yet.. I asked to talk things through with his girl and he says well if she gave the chance.. So laters, by august, september,october, feelings grew.. He got so fond of me... According to him, he has not seen my type before.. Fine! During my birthday, he wanted to do something for me, i said no, then two weeks to his birthday in nov, he asked that i visit him at their family house, that i did..

What struck me most was how the elder brother (married) took care of me... I was not allowed to do nothing.. The brother even cooked for me.. God, it made me fall more for the family.. The kind gestures i have never experienced in my life.. There are kindnesses but there is kindness, the real one.. I felt it.. Every thing that i want in a man, those little things, this guy has them all.. According to him, it baffles him that with the little he shows me, i do not take for granted even before he told me he's having a girl..

When i returned home, we continued our normal talks and he then said, that his girlfriend would be visiting during his birthday.. At that point i went silent.. (Meanwhile he met his girl this year but before me, also during her break up).. He was unhappy that i displayed this little jealousy.. So he says he has not broken up with his girl to start a new relationship and he is hurting that he is hurting me.. He's got feelings for me but he loves his girl.. So i said i was going walk, even though i never meant it, twas hard to even say that but i had to and he says no... That he's become so attached to me even his family thinks he's dating me.. That he controls his feelings for me, could i do same and i said no.. I could not be friends with him when i know that feelings are involved.. Finally, we came to terms to just flow with things since he was not engaged or married to her.. Even so, this guy just lost his job and he says unlike his girl, im the one pushing him to have something doing, he says i help him alot but i wouldnt know.. So we continued to let the whole feelings to flow until last week, when with my help, he was called for an interview in lagos..

As usual we talked and i wished him well.. I always pray for him.. In lagos, we talked well until the third day, our communication changed and before it did, my heart was literally aching, so i knew something was wrong.. I called to know why but he was telling me that he'd let me in when he got back to oshogbo, which he did.. He said his girlfriend who was having something to do with her ex, called him and wanted to settle things with him.. But the truth is, because this lady already had his facebook password when they were together in kadauna, she 3 days before her birthday on the 8th of this month wanted to know why her boyfriend was no longer perturbed over her behaviour, so she saw my chats with the guy and decided to do something,,, this now pushed to talk things out with the bf and apologise to him.. Then she asked him if anything was going on between is and he said no.. That we just friends,close friends.. He lied to her but opens up to me.. He says he doesnt want the girl to ask him to cut me off totally.. So the whole thing got him confused.. He says he's never double dated and he isnt happy that he's hurting me and im taking it... I asked him again if i should walk and he says no.. He does not want to lose me and i do not want to lose him either but i want to prove my love for him so that he one day sees that the girl, probably loves him but she's got no integrity.. And i purely love him.. But because i respect his relationship, i CAN NOT TELL HIM TO BREAK UP WITH HER but wanting him to see things himself but the question is for how long.. He says they are working things out now but he doesnt want to lose me esp as a friend... Difficult.. Out of God knows what, we agreed to let things flow since i will respect his relationship, like whenever his girl is around, i should make him believe that i will be fine.. Now, he isnt happy because he said if he hadnt met the gf, he'd have gone ahead to date me.. For me, i cannot sleep, ive been typing this since God knows when and this is 3:36am.. Since he is confused now, please people, friends, family, can i use love to make him see the difference between his girl and me.. He loves his girl, he is controlling his feelings for me and afraid to let it grow because he knows we'd bond, while my feelings toward him is real.. Money has not been involved in this.. We are 6months now.. I believe in true love and that it does not come easy.. Talk to me Y'll because i have no parents to talk to,, i would have talked to my mum now but she isnt here... I want to win with true love.. I turned 27 this past november and he turned 30 same november.. Thank You and God bless..

Hushbingo:
[b]This girl is a very beautiful lady which i know would have lots of suitors on her head. I never even intended dating her until she converted our friendship to relationship.

When we started, i noticed her incessant calls and had to complain about them which got reduced with time. In most cases, i would bring up issues pertaining to her having an affair with some of those people which she would discard and even get angry enough as to quarrel with me.
So, because of the texts and calls she was getting i became suspicious and one evening when i read a text from a guy addressing her as "baby and luv" i finally vented my anger, she strolled out that evening while i waited at home, later on, i took her phone, old phone which she barely uses, i turned it on and went through her Whatsapp messages, it was then that i discovered she has had an affair with a boss she was working for and even got messed up without her salary being paid for that month.

Not just that, other guys too have had their pounds of flesh. I was messed up that evening because this lady would insist we have sex without condom. So messed up that when she came, for the first time in my life, i layed my hands on a woman and slapped her so bad, I even beat her till she was unconcious and when she finally gained conciousness, she started begging and explaining, she even pretended like she wants to drink hypo bleech due to heart break.

To cut the long story short, i got other texts too from guys in her phone, one in particular sent her "are we still seeing today ?" Which she told me she never made any arrangement with the guy.
Well, i have invested much on this girl and i don't want to let her go like that, she had turned me to a brutal guy. I don't know what to do, i don't want to break up with her because she would just shift to another guy the next day, so I need advise on the best medicine for this kind of lady.[/b]

Carchoice:
If you have been with a lady that is so good and faithful and at a point in her life she tells you she's going for NYSC, send her a termination letter.

What you should know is that, no matter how faithful that your woman is, there's one OG that will bring her to her knees.

It's a pity a very good girl I admired so much suddenly gone bad, the way she carries her self; She's actually a lost corper I found in the streets of Lagos. Her man calls her on video everyday while I'm on the other side of the bed.

This morning I told her I will not touch her again. I'm done, I feel bad for my brother on the other end.


There's nothing like good girl or bad girl, it's all about home training and self respect. But konji is never part of the home training and self respect will be put aside for few minutes reboot.

Dantepet3000:
First and foremost most girls don't realize that most men spend more than they earn. All in a bid to enhance affection towards them.

I dated her for two years until that faithful day she found my salary voucher on my bed. Tho I do other side hustlE that enabled me pay her bills.

I've always known that when she discovers the amount I earn in my company, she will be scared of the future between us. I remember the days in shoprite that I was only able to afford bread. Oh my God, I don suffer. Anyway I had plans for us despite my 45k salary of an MSC holder. There is no financial hole I did not help her block. Infact I did what guys who earn more than me couldn't do.

She started misbehaving towards me ever since she saw that pay cheque. What she didn't know was that I did not use my other professional qualification in the company and when she left me.

I decided to forward other qualification to our management. Like play like play my salary rose to 75k after 3months 100k after 6 months 120k, now I am a site manager and I earn 360k. I believe the whole graduates in her family don't earn what I now earn combined. I am not proud or beefing anyone. Am just reminiscing. By the special grace of God I will even go higher...

PS. Now I am spending my money on my mum and family. I thank God for another chance. Bless

iLegendd:
Yesterday evening, I went to the ATM and after that, I bought some fruits and a few other things in different shops.

Getting home, I happy dropped everything I bought and went to the kitchen to prepare the fruit. Everything was good and I showered and slept like a happy man.

This morning, I started looking for my wallet and till now, I haven't seen it. I have gone to the last shop I went and luckily it was opened, but the woman said she didn't see any wallet.

I'm currently at home, on my bed, feeling depressed. The money inside is just 15k, but all my MasterCards and IDs are inside.

My prayer is for God to touch the person who picked it to return it and take all the money inside. I don't need the money, but my ATMs.

In fact, everything just happened like magic and I'm still dumbfounded.

I have lost interest in everything today.

qreem231:
add 231 to the number also.

youngmd:
I need a old Facebook account to buy if u have
qoute me let chat

Sexxkillz:
[color=#000030]Well, all I know is that life is funny.

A 25 year-old guy dating a 15 year old girl is termed Child Abuse.

A 35 year-old guy dating a 25 year-old girl is considered OK.

The age gap in the two scenarios is 10 years....

Head usage is highly recommended in issues this sensitive.

[/color]

iTearHerToto:
It's like my GF used her pussy to enchant me. Her pussy is too sweet unlike normal. It's turning me into a weakling. Anytime we fvck I make unending and unfulfilling promises. I think I should discharge her before I end up selling my family members someday

I couldn't even go to work today

Help

gloria34:
Forget them, marriage is not for everybody, and on, i cannot marry you. Someone is already running that race

gloria34:
Abeg na, nor marry, abi anybody dey pressure you to marry?

IamPlato:
Will You Shut Up... What Do You Want Us To Do With This Info?


Men Do It Too, so What Are You Nagging about Like A Hungry Goat.


I'm Very Sure You Would Do Same When You Get Married and See Other women More Attractive Than Your Wife

Joromi12:
this my guy dey canada now. During nysc days he was so broke na boys dey feed am. His 18k alawe. 3k went to babe 4k mother 3k brother. His babe den wey don marry still sends him nudes lol

Martinez39:
Why is it that people always fail to learn? Why is it that boys don't always think properly when it comes to this thing called love? Let me tell you something, romance, sex and getting into a relationship are overrated. They are not bad but they are overrated.



Seriously, when growing up, boys are usually brainwashed by society through the media and romance novels that love exists and it's a must have. Boys fall for this brainwashing and project this ideal called love on girls. Boys love ideally. Girls don't fall for this brainwashing because they know, by their nature, that they are not messing around with a broke man therefore the love the media is portraying can't be true. Nothing like "for better for worse" with girls as long as a higher bidder is available.

The result of this is that in the field of relationships, boys become the fools and make themselves available to the manipulation of girls. Boy are drunk on an illusion called love while girls are realistic from day one. In a university for example, what do most broke and struggling girls do? They, in addition to other hustles, enter a relationship with one mumu and they cunningly heap their financial burdens on the mumu. "please I have a problem. I am stranded and I need a phone. Just give me part of money and I will complete the remaining" this simply means "I want you to singlehandedly get me a new phone." Most of these boys do not know that their princess is hopping from one dick to the other gathering money and at the end of the day, they will go to the highest bidder.

One thing boys must realise is that, just like true friendship, true love doesn't exist. Girls will only love you on two conditions: [b] 1) you have plenty money to spend on them, 2) you show a great potential to acquire plenty money in the nearest future(this is why, in many universities, medical students have the most attention from girls compared to students of "lesser" courses, this why talented soccer youngsters get the attention of girls). If these two things are lacking, no girl will want to spend her life with you no matter how handsome or morally upright you are. Am I saying that girls should marry broke boys? No! All I am saying is that boys should realise that they are not in the equation of anything except when they can provide. All your sacrifices for her in the past mean nothing if you are broke. If you know, you know.

Even if you saw her through school and gave out one of your kidneys to save her life, she will still leave when you don't have money and you show no potential to acquire plenty cash anytime soon. So boys should stop this thing called love and relationship and focus on building and establishing themselves. When you have made it, you can pick a wife. Girls plenty. Don't look for the one that loves you, look for the one that can be a good mother and wife. You have not missed anything if you didn't date in your teenage years and early twenties so spend your vibrant years building up yourself, working on yourself and financially establishing yourself instead of finding one entitled princess and spending on her in the name of a relationship. True love doesn't exist. Sex, romance and getting into a relationship are overrated. Nothing dey there.

... to be continued.

RonKenoly:
Listening to the radio this evening and this question was brought, most callers were leaning towards the other direction.

What's your take?