₦airaland Forum

am i missing something, or has pidgn english been banned?

sylve11:
Migine-ebaba, where have u been?

man i,ve been around o but bizzy. work load is preventing me from dropping in as often as i use to but been great!

lysaa:
miginnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeessssss! won't u stop? thot u were a genius?

so did i till I realized i was way more than just a genius.
hwdy girl?
ur posts a'int going up any faster than mine wats up u dont visit often as well?

One day, in the recreation room of the Peaceville
Nursing Home, a little old woman and a little old
man were sitting watching t.v. There was usually
nothing better to do.

The little old woman suddenly turned to the little
old man and said "I bet I can guess your age." The
little old man responded. "Can not." The little
old woman replied, "Yes, I can. All I have to do
is take a good look at your penis. I can tell a
person's age by their penis."

The little old man thought about this for a while,
and then decided to see if this was true. So, he
stood up and dropped his drawers.

The little old woman took a long good look at the
penis. She studied it for a few minutes and then
smiled. "You are 94", she said.

The little old man was amazed! "You're right!" He
laughed. "How could you do that?"

"Oh," smiled the little old woman, "You told me
yesterday."

Theres these two guys and they trespass onto a
farmers lawn and the farmer comes out. He tells
the 2 trespassers to come out and get 100 of any
fruit they like. The smart one gets 100
strawberries and the farmer tells him to cram
them all up his ass. After about 50 strawberries
he starts to laugh and the farmer asks why? He
replies nuthin and at 75 just breaks out and
laughs and laughs. Finnally, he tells the farmer
that his friend is picking watermelons.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were
getting undressed together for the first time.

He took off his shoes and socks and his toes
were all twisted and discolored.

"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.

"I had a childhood disease called tolio."

"Don't you mean polio?"

"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."

He then removed his pants and revealed an
awful looking pair of knees.

"What happened to your knees?", she asked.

"Well, I also had kneesles."

"Don't you mean measles?"

"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."

When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and
said, "Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"

A guy walks into a bar and says ouch! , . , . . . . .

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked
up to him and asked, "If you woke up in the woods
and scratched your butt and felt vaseline, would
you tell anyone?"

"Hell no!", the guy said.

The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into
your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you
tell anyone?"

The man said, "Of course not."

"Wanna go camping?"

A guy is having marital problems. He and the
wife are not communicating at all and he's
lonesome, so he goes to a pet store thinking a
pet might help.

The store he happened into specialized in
parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots
he notices one with no feet. Surprised he
mutters "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?"

The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy."

The guy is startled and says "You certainly talk
well for a parrot."

The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well
educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports,
religion, most any subject you wish."

The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was
looking for."

The parrot says "There's not much of a market for
maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20
for me, I'll bet he'll sell me."

The guy buys the parrot and for three months
things go great. When he comes home from work
the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's
won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so and so.

One day the guy comes home from work and the
parrot waves a wing at him and says "Come in and
shut the door."

The guy says "What's up?"

The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you
this, but the mailman came today. Your wife
answered the door in her negligee and he kissed
her right on the lips."

The guy says "Oh, A momentary flight of passion."

The parrot says "Well, maybe, but then he fondled
her breasts."

The guy says "He did??"

The parrot says "Yes. Then he pulled her negligee
down and started sucking on her breasts."

The guy says "My God, what happened next?!?"

The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on
and fell off my perch."

Q. Why should you never tell a women your
secrets?

A. Because you cant trust anything that bleeds
for five days and doesn't die.

Three women stay up late one night drinking
together at a bar and get totally wasted. They
all leave in the early morning hours to go home,
promising to meet again.

The next day, the three meet at a cafe for lunch
and Bloody Mary's. They begin comparing stories
to see who was the most drunk.

The first woman says "I was the most drunk. I
went home and the first thing I did, was blow
chunks."

The second woman says, "No, I was the most drunk.
I left the bar and got in my car, then I wrapped
it around a tree."

The third woman says, "Nuh-uh! I was the most
drunk. I went home and lit a cigarette, passed
out and burned my house down."

Then the first woman says "Ladies, I don't think
you understand. Chunks is my dog!"

The difference between genius and stupidity is
that genius has its limits.

One day a twelve year old walks into a house of
ill-repute dragging a dead frog on a string
behind him. He slaps a hundred dollar bill on the
counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says "Don't you think
you're a bit young for that?" He slaps another
hundred on the counter and says "I want one of
your women."

The madam says "Okay, have a seat, she'll be down
in about thirty minutes." He slaps another
hundred on the counter and says "She has to have
active herpes." The madam starts to sputter and
ask why, but he slaps another hundred on the
counter and says "Active herpes." She responds,
"Okay, have a seat- it'll be about five minutes."

Two minutes later, a woman comes out, they go
upstairs (dragging this dead frog) and do their
deal,

As he's leaving, the madam asks him, "Okay, why
did you want someone with active herpes?" The
twelve year old replies, "When I get home, I'm
going to sleep with the baby-sitter, and when mom
and dad get home, dad will take the baby-sitter
to her home and sleep with her on the way. Then,
when he gets back, he and mom are going to go
upstairs and do it. And tomorrow morning after
dad goes to work, the milkman will come in and
mom will sleep with him, and he's the bastard
that ran over my frog.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its
mind which way it wants to go.

As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.

Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, "If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!"

are you quoting ma signature?

Funny Alcohol Sayings Quotes and Quotations Collection

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little.

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.

I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend !!!!

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they always worked for me.

The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

Cocaine is gods way of telling you that you make too much money.

I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.

A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

There is a devil in every berry of the grape.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

I drink to forget I drink.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.

Prohibition may be a disputed theory, but none can say that it doesn't hold water.

The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.


Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

The whole world is about three drinks behind.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

There once was a King and Queen who ruled a
kingdom by the sea. One day the King's brother,
who ruled a kingdom in the mountains, took ill
and needed help ruling his land.

The first king volunteered to help and explained
to the queen that his brother's illness may last
many months. They would see one another each
weekend. Every other weekend the king would
journey, on horseback, down from the mountains.
On alternating weekends the queen would journey,
up from the seaside, the same way.

"There is one very important thing to remember"
said the king. "Halfway between the two lands is
a bridge which crosses a deep ravine. The bridge
is guarded by a magic troll, who lives under the
bridge as most trolls are apt to do. He will ask
you to pay a toll, a four leaf clover, so you
must promise me you will always remember to bring
one with you." "I will" she replied thinking that
would be easy since all castles in those days
were surrounded by fields of four leaf clovers,
for good luck.

So the time comes for the queen to make her first
journey. She picks the clover, puts it in the
pocket of her dress and off she goes. After a
while she comes to the bridge and out crawls an
ugly little troll. " He certainly doesn't look
very magical" she thinks to herself.

The troll begins to speak. "I am the troll who
lives under the bridge and YOU must pay a toll
, a four leaf clover if you please , or bend
over on your knees." And with that he dropped his
pants revealing the biggest, thickest cock the
queen had ever seen. He then thrust his hips back
and forth three or four times to show exactly
what he intended do with his massive, 12 inch
prick. The queen, all flustered and embarrassed,
quickly gave him the clover and hurried on her
way.

This went on for many months. The queen grew used
to seeing the trolls equipment and even began
fantasizing about how it would be to let the
troll Bleep her. After all, the king was just of
an average size and he was all she had ever been
with. It got to the point where her panties would
get damp at the thought of making the journey
across the bridge.

One fateful day, as she approached the bridge,
she thought "What the hell, you only live once"
and threw her clover away. When she reached the
bridge the troll was waiting. "I am the troll who
lives under the bridge and YOU must pay a toll,
a four leaf clover if you please , or bend over
on your knees." "My god" said the queen looking
in the pocket of her dress, "I seem to have lost
my four leaf clover. It looks like I will have to
take the second choice today."

So the troll helps the queen off her horse and
leads her down under the bridge where there is a
beautiful bed of flowers. She lifts her dress,
slips off her silky royal panties, bends over and
gets down on her knees on the flowers. As soon as
he enters her soaking wet pussy she realizes why
he is called a "magic troll". The troll bleeps the
queen like she has never been bleeped before in
all her life. Echoes of the queens moans and
gasps of pleasure bounce off the ravine walls for
the next couple of hours.

When they are finally done they lay exhausted in
the flowers. "I have to admit , " said the queen
"I'm kind of glad I lost my clover."

"Oh, I hear that one all the time" replies the
troll.

"Do many ladies come by here who have lost their
clover" says the queen coyly.

"Oh no" replies the troll , "but your husband
loses his every single time."

To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you
may be the world An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.
--G. K. Chesterton --

Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain.
Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life --
facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources a
gainst the unknown and in the process, discovering our own unique potential.
--John Amatt organizer and participant in Canada's
first successful expedition to the summit of Mt Everest.--

Bringing up a family should be an adventure, not an anxious discipline
in which everybody is constantly graded for performance.
--Milton R. Saperstein --

Death is the most beautiful adventure in life.
--Charles Frohman ---

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.
--Helen Keller --

Never forget that life can only be nobly inspired and rightly
lived if you take it bravely and gallantly, as a splendid adventure
in which you are setting out into an unknown country, to face many a danger,
to meet many a joy, to find many a comrade, to win and lose many a battle.
--Annie Besant English Peace and Social Justice Advocate ---

There are more adventures on a chessboard than on all the seas of the world
--Pierre Mac ORLAN --

Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you.

There is no old age. There is, as there always was, just you.

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

I grow more intense as I age.

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.

A young man is embarrassed to question an older one.

The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.

Though it sounds absurd, it is true to say I felt younger at sixty than I felt at twenty.

Young men's minds are always changeable, but when an old man is concerned in a matter, he looks both before and after.

It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.

Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age.

Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.

With age come the inner, the higher life. Who would be forever young, to dwell always in externals ?

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

sholabanke:
good
i only drink once in a while

perfect!

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Top Signs You Have A Drinking Problem

1 You lose arguments with inanimate
objects.
2 You have to hold onto the lawn to keep
from falling off the earth
3 Job interfering with your drinking.
4 Your doctor finds traces of blood in
your alcohol stream.
5 Career won't progress beyond Senator
from Massachusettes.
6 The back of your head keeps getting hit
by the toilet seat.
7 Sincerely believe alcohol to be the
elusive 5th food group.
8 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case -
coincidence?? - I think not!
9 Two hands and just one mouth, - now
THAT'S a drinking problem!
10 "Norm!" is what they say when you
enter the bar.
11 When you can focus better with one eye
closed
12 The parking lot seems to have moved
while you were in the bar
13 Every woman you see has an exact twin.
14 You wake up to find Windows 95
installed on your machine.
15 If you keep asking your wife "where
are the kids?", but you don't really have
a wife and you're talking to the
refridgerator.
16 You fall off the floor.
17 You discover in the morning liquid
cleaning supplies have disappeared.
18 Your twin sons are named Barley and
Hops.
19 Had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed,
replaced it with "Red Dog."
20 Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories
as a burger, screw dinner!
21 Beer: it's not just for breakfast
anymore.
22 The glass keeps missing your mouth.
23 Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
24 When you go to donate blood and they
ask what proof?
25 Vampires get woozy after biting you.
26 The only drinking problem is not
having a drink right now.
27 At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name
is, uh, "
28 Your idea of cutting back is less
seltzer.
29 When vomiting becomes a relief.
30 Having a hard time staying on the side
walk - left, right, stumble, fall
31 You wake up in the bedroom, your
underwear is in the bathroom.
32 Barney, that dinosaur is damned funny!
33 You think, Four Basic Food Groups are
Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.
34 Every night you're beginning to find
your roomate's cat more attractive.
35 Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence
of incohol.
36 Waking up with a traffic cone between
your legs.
37 No ocifer, I'm not drunk, you're
just sober,
38 Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall
down, No Problem
39 If on a diet, you cut back your food
calories to allow for alcohol calories.
40 Take me drunk, I'm home!
41 The bottle's empty, that's the
problem!
42 Find yourself as the captain for the
Exxon Valdez.
43 You wake up naked lying in the corner
of a bus depot.
44 Roseanne looks good.
45 Don't recognize wife unless seen
through bottom of bottle.
46 You drink to get over a hangover.
47 That damned pink elephant followed me
home again.
48 You are the proud owner of a porcelain
bus driver's liscense.
49 The Whisky Ain't Working Anymore.
50 Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake
their heads when they walk past you.
51 You have a reserved parking space at
the A&P.
52 I'm as jober as a sudge!
53 You consider yourself a workaholic,
becuase every time you go to work, you
want to have a beer!
54 I slept with that damned pink elephant
again.
55 Mosquitoes spiral down to the ground
in circles after biting you.
56 Newt Gingrich, he's soooo sexy.
57 You find yourself in a room on a train
arriving in Tiajuana and the last thing
you remember is being in a bar in NYC!
58 Your name is Ted Kennedy.
59 You wake up in Korea in August and the
last thing you remember is the Fourth of
July party in Waikiki.
60 Red dog upside down looks like batman
eating a catwoman.
61 You've fallen and you can't/(don't
want to) get up.
62 You don't drink. (That's a problem!)
63 When hangovers become an attractive
alternative lifestyle.
64 BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
65 Boris Yeltsin tries to get you to join
AA.
66 The shrubbery's drunk from frequent
watering.
67 Do you take this woman,
68 You wake up too groggy to come up with
anything funny for this damn list.
69 You realize you have shaved your head
except for a little rat tail hanging
from the top and you're pestering people
to buy incense & crap.
70 Your only friends are Jack, Johnnie,
and Jose.
71 Double vision so much the norm, you
can't function w/o it.
72 You listen to the radio and start
dancing to hootie and the blowfish.
73 Because you're not as think you are
drunk I am,
74 salt, sugar, grease, carbohydrates -
yes, alcohol is the fifth food group.
75 Your favorite drink is ethanol.
76 Why does everybody think I have a
prinking droblem?!
77 You can't remember what your family
looks like, or if you have a family.
78 You wake up surrounded by 50 dented
cases of SPAM.
79 You like SPAM.
80 You get defensive when someone asks if
you have drinking problem.
81 Haven't stopped drinking since Carter
got elected.
82 I don't have a drinking prob, pleb,
prub, hic Pash me another, tarbender.
83 You spend a whole night holding up
walls to prevent their (your) collapse.
84 The opposite wall is covered with
ceiling tiles and there are rows of light
fixtures.
85 When you feel drunk is feeling
sophisticated when you can't say it.
86 When you feel that beauty lies in the
hands of the beer holder.
87 When you read about the evils of
drinking, and give up reading.
88 When you feel reality is an illusion
that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
89. when you cant finish reading this.

If a man speaks in the forest and there is
no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy
have in common?

They can smell it but they can't have it!

luk'em haters!

now youhve urs, take a nap.

Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub
drinking a few beers. So Paddy says to George,
"George me buddy ol' pal. When I die could you
pour a couple of beers o'er me grave?"

George says, "Why certainly, but could I pour
it through me bladder fist?"

clemcykul:
wish i could have a chat wid u, but kinna missed u though

*then miggy shows up*
howdy baby

Norv Turner had put together the perfect
Redskins team for 97'. The only thing he
was missing was a good quarterback. He
had scouted all the colleges, and even
the high schools and he couldn't find a
ringer quarterback that would ensure a
Superbowl win. Then one night, while
watching CNN, he saw a war zone in
Bosnia. In the background, out of the
corner of his eye, he spotted a young
Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible
arm.

He threw a hand grenade straight into a
15th story window 200 yards away
Ka-boom!!!

He threw another hand grenade into a
group of about 10 soldiers a good 110
yards away Ka-Blooey!!!

A car passes going around 90 mph.
Bulls-Eye! Right into it.

I've got to get this guy, Norv says to
himself, he has a perfect arm! So, he
brings him back to the states and
teaches him the great game of football.
The Redskins went on to win the
Superbowl that year and the young
Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of
Superbowl XXXII.

When Norv Turner asked him what he
wanted, all the young man wanted to do
was call his mother.

"Mom", the young man says into the
receiver, "I just won the Superbowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you", the old
woman says. "You deserted us. You are
not my son". "I don't think you
understand, mother," the young man
pleads, "I just won the greatest
sporting event in the world. I'm in the
middle of thousands of adoring fans".

"No, let me tell you", the mother
implores. "At this very moment there
are gunshots all around us. The
neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your
two brothers were beaten within an inch
of their lives last week and this week
your sister was killed in broad
daylight, " The old lady pauses, in
tears, ", I'll never forgive you for
moving us to Washington".

When the body was first made, all parts wanted to
be the Boss. The Brain said, “Since I control
everything and do all the thinking, I should be
Boss”. The Hand said, “Since I must do all the
work and earn all the money to keep the rest of
you going, I should be Boss”. The Eyes said,
“Since I must look out for all of you and tell
you where the danger lurks, I should be Boss.”
And so it went with the Heart, the Ears, the
Feet, the Lungs, and finally the Asshole spoke up
and demanded to be the Boss. All other parts
laughed at the idea of the Asshole being Boss.

The Asshole was so enraged that he blocked
himself off and refused to function. Soon the
Brain was feverish, the Eyes crossed and ached,
the Feet were too weak, the Hands hung limply at
the side, the Heart and Lungs struggled just to
keep going. All pleaded with the Brain to let the
Asshole be Boss. And so it happened. All the
other parts did all the work and the Asshole just
bossed around and passed out a lot of shit.

The Moral of the story: You don’t have to be a
brain to be the boss. You just have to be an
asshole.