₦airaland Forum

sexylassie2:
I blame the mod for all these.

Nigerian men in particular are subservient to foreigners, they act like slaves and never question authority, many arent independent minded and thrive on group thinking, their only superiority is to only Nigerian women. They want to abuse and degrade her but then expect her to treat them right.

Fro my short time here, I have made up my mind never to meet or communicate offline with any man from this site, many of them secretly support what is written by that writer but pretend like they are saint.

If a supposed "foreigner" can abuse Nigerian women here and all the men supported him, never expect anything good from a Nigerian man, they can never protect you or even me a Nigerian woman.

Yes I also think a lot of the hateful comments should be taken away. I don't know why mods allow it. So much hate speech on this site and it really is distasteful. I can see a lot of women are just tired of this and leave it because no matter how much they complained about the issue, the mods still allow it. And there are some very interesting threads where people ask for advice on things like relationships but ina few seconds those threads are taken over by women-bashing people.
I joined this site to learn about culture in Nigeria and to pick up some of the lingo but all I've learned so far is just the word "olosho". That's what I see on every other page. What men on this site don't realise is that there are other foreign men observing this and then they sit there thinking that the whole of Nigeria just has good for nothing women.

I'd like to believe Nigerian women are hard working and despite rough circumstances, they are hanging in there and display their nationality with pride. So why is it that the majority of people on nairaland only have negative things to say? Men, if you love foreign ladies, that's fine but there is absolutely no reason to bring down your own women.

sexylassie2:
it is not true that the world impression of women are hoes. many cultures actually respect their women and protect them

even the western men protect their women against foreigners, go and attack a western woman as a black man and see the amount of western men ready to beat you up till death.

i am asking you, can you do it for your women, make them feel protected and secured when you see them in trouble.

Thank you so much for bringing up this topic. I was absolutely appalled at how the men on this platform continue to talk about women in Nigeria. At some point I actually asked my Nigerian friend if Nigeria hates women. What baffles me most is how this "redpill" thing is even so successful on this platform when it is just pure hate speech. In any civilized society, the redpill movement wouldve been questioned or called out for its remarks against women but on nairaland it seems to thrive. And what's worse is that this isn't even someone who claims to be Nigerian yet he badmouths women (including Nigerian women) while men worship him like a he's a prophet. I don't understand. Shouldn't Nigerian men be showing him the door? shouldn't you guys be at all upset that someone is inciting hate against your women? Quick question: havent you ever wondered why this redpill thing isn't as popular anywhere else in the world? I'll tell you. It's because anywhere else, the nonsense of badmouthing women won't be tolerated. My goodness, i expect this type of thing to come out of a place like Saudi Arabia but even they don't do this. I know not all the guys are like that but please, speak up for your women. The ones of you who are against bashing women, speak up so that outsiders can know you are a formidable Nation. Right now it just looks like you hate your women. Please

ghettochild:
We don't hate foreigners.
This got me laughing in cantonese
Indeed ya all don't hate foreigners ryt?
Why loot their shops and while burn them.. Why attack Malawi, other foreign nationals who are truck drivers.
And u have that audacity to say u don't hate foreigners... It obvious u love them... The reason for the hate, the looting and the killings

You are a very bitter person... Look at our conversation, it's a clear indication of who the hateful individual is here. I feel sorry for you... I sincerely do, no sarcasm and no offense but I really just feel sorry for you. Good luck on your future endeavors. peace.

ghettochild:
Lol I really don't need any tips if south Africa would give jobs fairly to people irrespective of their race...then life would have been much better sweetheart... Do u know how discriminatory it is here for a foreigner to get a job esp teaching jobs even when u r competent more than d south Africans.
Anyways I understand they protecting jobs for fellow South Africans...
Well am glad u coming back to invest..
So does most nigerians who travel abroad, so long they have made money.. They always come back to invest so get your facts right n stop sounding like Nigerians in diaspora don't come home to invest...
NB: I put this to u. The average south African can't afford to travel and even if they can.. They have a fear.... Xenophobia.... That they were foreigners are been treated here is the way they would be treated abroad.... Only the more educationally inclined ones decide to leave cos they know it's not as it in south Africa, the xenophobia abroad..
Atleast I have friends who have moved to China too, to teach English and earning more than the average teachers here that get 18000rand after all tax deductions....
How much is the average salary according to S.A index??
So tell can someone with a average afford to leave the country??
How many south Africans have international passports??
My ex south African girl who made me move here.... Didn't even know what a passport really does even tho she was working in FNB.. I had to tell her that for her to come visit me in Nigeria then, in 2016, she needed have a passport first

Look, i agree with you that South Africans don't travel a lot. That has nothing to do with xenophobia though. South Africans have a history of not moving from their lands. Even in those days of apartheid, they refused to leave the country. It's just a matter of pride and principle.

I also teach in China. It's categorized as a special skill. Of course you can't find a teaching job in SA because there is no shortage of teachers. China has a shortage of English teachers so that's why they take foreigners. If you have a special skill that is needed in SA, you will get a job. Just like a plumber in SA can't expect to get a plumber job or lower skilled job in China. It's simply not a rare field there. Many countries operate like that. You have to provide something that the country needs. And yes, our government needs to provide for it's citizens just like the Chinese give their citizens engineering jobs before they give it to foreigners. We don't hate foreigners. The nationalist sentiment is everywhere in the world. No we can't afford to leave the country because we have lives here. btw I know many teachers here in SA who have regular vacations in Thailand etc. It's how you budget. They own houses and have many benefits. In China, their local teachers are also paid less. Check everywhere in the world and you'll hear teachers and police complain about payment. If you are a special skilled worker, you automatically get paid more. look at the expats in Nigeria, they live a larger life than most Nigerians.
The girl you dated probably wasn't that clever about international affairs. You'll be surprised that she's not the only one in the world who doesn't know what a passport is. So there you have it, she was probably happy with her life and trying to work her way up to a better future which is why she never considered going abroad.

I hear you and I realise that you have struggles as foreigners, but you need to understand that there are millions of South Africans who need these opportunities. If the government gives these opportunities to foreigners, The citizens will become third class citizens again. Think about it, are you happy with the fact that there are so many foreigners from Asia in Nigeria with jobs that could be done by your own countrymen?

She is so gorgeous! The way her skin shines is absolutely brilliant... I'm mesmerised... wow

Austine1212:
Thats rich coming from Nigeria with 100 million people living in extreme poverty.

With more thanthan 120m people in the country with no electricity

More than 120m with no drinkable water

More than 90m illiterates

It's not worth it, chomi. As long as people ignore their troubles, they won't be able to do anything about it. Let's just focus on our own problems, we have many too. Those countries who acknowledge their circumstances and who are working to make it better, instead of broke shaming others, let's continue to prosper. While this guy who shames the shanties sits wherever he is making fun of poor people, those exact people are working hard to better themselves and their communities. Whether in Nigeria or South Africa or Namibia or Angola, if you are contributing to your country, i salute you.

Bambambiglo:
My life needs no evaluation, it's great. But you broke south Africans should know your place in the committee of Nations and respect yourselves.

At what point in your life do you leave your home for another country, get there and enjoy the benefits of being in that country and then turn around and broke shame the very people of that country? Reevaluate. Asseblief jy sukkel nou met verkeerde mense. You should really hang your head in shame.

Bambambiglo:
You're probably typing this from one shanty in Limpopo. GTFOH

It's sweet how you make fun of these shanties yet you are here...

Dear, I'm not gonna make fun of any house or circumstances of the poor. That's not my style. poverty is a serious problem in the world. Shanties or huts or shacks or tents or cardboard, I don't use it to make fun of people's countries. You should be ashamed of yourself. Take a day to reflect on your life. Reevaluate.

Bambambiglo:
Keep the lies coming. Better your country my ass, just say your dad can't afford a plane ticket simple. Does he even have a passport?

Nope, he doesn't have one. But I can tell you what he has: a house, two vehicles, a business, a pension fund, insurance, employees, nutritious food, access to health care, two grown daughters who went through university with bursaries from Nsfas, a working wife and a happy life and annual vacations in the various beautiful places in SA. He has no need to get a passport. If he wants to, great. If he doesn't want to, great. He is an asset to the country. Why should he go abroad to be a liability to another country? If at this stage you are still impressed by a flight, you need to reevaluate your life.

ghettochild:
One thing I can authoritatively tell u is that South African generally see all Nigerians as rich folks initially....
I don't know what gave em this idea..
I live in S.A n I know what am saying. Meet a girl online n she's asking u to send money to come meet u even when u haven't even asked...
Na scam dis babe Wan scam d guy... She would eventually ask the guy to send her ticket money so she can buy d ticket here in south Africa...
I swear on my life.. The babe wey dey talk sef no get passport..
95% of South Africans dont have a passport.. Yes cos they see no reason to travel or the average south African can afford travelling.. I leave here n it surprises them that we even get aboard a plane n move to South Africa..
I have lived in 4 provinces n it's the same mentality everywhere..
Have had countless women tell me that they can't get aboard a plane cos they are afraid
That we Nigerians are daring...
One time have been asked... How many days is it from Nigeria to South Africa... I just laughed ooo
Cos the woman prolly tot we always travel by road

Many people in South Africa don't see the need in traveling because they want to develop SA first. I once asked my father if he will come visit me in China and he said no because he'd rather use that money that would be used for a flight ticket to invest in his business to make the business grow and employ more people. Many people don't see the point in selling their last belongings to buy a flight ticket to go "hustle" in another country. The ones who do travel out of SA do so strictly for traveling, business or work. Those who go abroad for work make sure that they have jobs before they leave SA. People take it very seriously because they don't like traveling with no or less prospects. So you may see it as us being stupid or uneducated but we see it as taking pride in what we have. I agree, why should Bianca* go to Malaysia when she just has a random degree and she doesn't even have a job there yet? Why should Dumi* pack up his whole life to hop on a plane to Canada when he can become something better in his own country? You are right, some people here hate flying but that can be said about many people everywhere. Even me, im happy working abroad but I'll be moving back to SA soon to invest in my country. Call me stupid because I choose to develop my country so I can proudly say: i am from South Africa. Yes and the first time I got a passport was when I got a job abroad. is that a sin? is it something to be ashamed of? We love our country and no matter where we are or how little we make, we always choose to better our own country before we better another person's country. Maybe you should take a few tips from those South Africans around you...

Yes the girl made some horrible statements. She should definitely be called out for that. Her response was just wrong. Don't drag the whole country of Nigeria into it.

BUT
The guy was absolutely rude. If he didn't want to chat with her anymore, he could've just ended things on a good note. What was he expecting her to do? send him a rose? If some guy speaks to me like that, i certainly won't tolerate it. Maybe that's how some guys talk to women in Nigeria but in South Africa you can expect a woman's full wrath. I can't believe his reaction ombeskof !

XhosaNostra:
Yes. In fact, I was obsessed with him. I'd watch everything he did. I knew his whole schedule. Basically, I stalked the guy He was so handsome though, I couldn't help myself.
After months of stalking, I started planning meeting him. So one evening as he returned from work, I decided I was going to throw away the trash, which means we were going to bump into each other on the stairs I didn't wanna make it too obvious, so I dressed in normal "house clothes". I'm one of those people that look more attractive when I'm a little shabby & dirty, so I went in for the kill in my grimiest look I can pull
Anyway, we crossed paths for the 1st time & we both nodded our greetings as we passed each other. After two or more such orchestrated meetings, we had a chat. He said something & my dreams literally came true in that narrow staircase
Long story short, he wasn't what I expected. After a few chats, I lost interest in him. I wouldn't call him dumb, but he wasn't too bright lol. All big & beautiful with a tiny brain

I totally know what you mean! In university I had the biggest crush on a guy living in the same residence. I would always make sure to pass his room whenever I went somewhere. Long story short, i finally spoke to him a few times in great conversations but I lost interest! hahaha I think I found him attractive because of the mystery of the unknown.

How is 30 old? Isn't that the normal age when people usually think of settling down? I mean, most women would consider it after 30... if at all..

Kaycee625:
Just curious, i live in china, we can become friends on instagram

I don't have Instagram... where in China do you live?

omoyankee3:
Feminism contradicts the very purpose of a woman and that's why they are a confused set of people.

If you believe in the bible, you'll agree that eve was created as a helpmate for adam...that's her PRIMARY purpose. What feminists fail to understand is that the traditional approach is the natural one....a man and his wife are one, and their needs/goals are one. When the wife helps the man achieve his goals, hers too is being accomplished (Michelle Obama, Priscilla Chan etc)

Homemaking has been around for thousands of years, but careers are modern constructs, and fairly recent in human history. Little wonder it's hard for women to find lasting fulfilment solely in their careers.

Feminists are the best type of employees though; they work longer hours, with so much dedication, and for so many years, just to make their employers wealthier (the ideology is an agender by govts n corporations but that's another story). The feminist ultimately ends up working for THE man.

1. the Bible says a lot of things. Check it out and you'll be surprised that half of the things that you do and say on a daily basis goes against everything written in the Bible

2. what if a person does not believe in the Bible or any other form of scripture?

3. careers are not modern constructions. what would you call trading? a hobby?

4. homemaking... do you honestly think while Betty and Tom were being chased by wild animals and fought for survival with a rock and a stick, that Betty had the time to decorate their cave on rock furniture and hunting trophies? no my dear. Betty and Tom were surviving together, hunting together, raising kids together etc. Because that's how they survived and evolved into what we are today.

5. some women, just like some men, dont find lasting fulfillment in careers only. Why do you see men also looking for wives? because they seek fulfillment. Looking for fulfillment in a relationship is not something restricted to women.

6. the only reason a majority of men are in top positions is because they had the privilege. So naturally you will find women working for them. But as women get more empowered, they take top positions and then men work for them. Do yourself a favor and google those successful women to find out how many men they employ.

7. if a woman decides to do something for her husband, she does it because she wants to and not because she was forced or somehow manipulated into thinking that she has to. That's the feminist way.

8. traditional approach is not the natural one, it is an approach. not the only approach. just look at animals, they have different ways. sometimes the females are dominant and sometimes the males are dominant. There's not only one "natural" approach.

9. I have worked for many women and I know many men who have worked for women. It may sounds strange to you, but it is the real world.

10. i made this last point because I never leave a project 90% done.

Alero3Arubi:
You are welcome.
Are you on a research or something?

Not really, I'm just very interested in social matters especially with regards to our continent. Although, one day I will do some professional research... hehe fingers crossed

Alero3Arubi:
You know over here in Nigeria, we are taught to wait to be spoken to by the man. Do not throw yourself at a man. And so we are not overly into getting a man as opposed to been gotten by a man.
I notice too that Nigerian men are mostly raised to aspire to greatness and so when they travel, marrying an indigenous person is an improvement on their life as compared to marrying a fellow Nigerian.
I have come to understand that marriage is not just about love to most people but about what is being brought to the table by each party. We might deny this a lot but that's what is happening. Now what determines who a person chooses to marry is what is more important to that individual.
Nigerian women have not been exposed to making profitable choices and negotiations, so we cannot navigate the system when it shows up in marriage.
The mwn have been the one doing all that for us all our lives. So until we start teaching our children about negotiations and deals we will still keep running round in circles.
That's my take.

I must say, that's a very interesting point. I didn't think of this.

You've taught me a lot about your society, thank you

I think it will start with the current population though. Society is not some abstract concept, society is us. I definitely think women need to be empowered socially to be able to make these choices.
Thank you for your point of view

Kaycee625:
South African, which city in china did you live in before going back to SA

suzhou science and technology town... just outside suzhou city.
why?

flexyrule:
Ever noticed how lonely the beach in your profile picture looks?

Actually to me it looks very peaceful... No stress from rival beaches lol

membranus:
Okay oo. Even such women's mentor in feminism, Chinamanda, has a husband to tender to and familiarise with daily to ward off loneliness.

Ask Linda Ikeji how she is feeling, even with her high achievements. She will tell you E no easy, my sister.

Feminism doesn't mean women don't need men or that women don't want men. It means that a woman's existence doesn't depend on a man. In other words, as a feminist I can be married with kids. However, my existence isn't dictated by what a man thinks is best for me. So a feminist isn't a nun, feminist acknowledge the needs of women and men. The traditional approach only acknowledges the needs of men and dictates to women what they ought to want to need. So maybe those people you've mentioned want men but maybe they can't find a man who they like. so rather than giving up their success and careers to submit to a man, they choose to embrace their success and wait for the right guy. if he comes, great. if he doesnt, oh well. that is the feminist attitude.

Nuel4:
I'm not Googling anything. Just in case you didn't know Google is one of the most radically leftist organisations in the world. The main group of people who want to turn the world upside down. It should not be hard for you to tell me how women are oppressed since you are a woman.
LGBT nonsense has nothing to contribute to the society, it is not even in any way comparable to racial discrimination. All races whether blacks, whites Asians and Arabs dislike a group of people that are defying natural order and want to be celebrated for it. There are just many white people who hate gays as much blacks hate them the only problem is that whites can't show it because of hypocritical bosses and government, who would never ever want their children to be gays or transgender but would quickly sack them in order to appear woke.

Let me tell this, every single idea you have on how women were oppressed has an even worse equivalent in what men suffered at that same time. What they teach you in your victimhood cult of Feminism is just cherry picking

Exactly, men suffered oppression as well. They acted the victim too, didnt they? or what would you say they did when they claimed slavery was an infringement to their dignity and freedom? So how come in the case where men are the victims, the anti-racism campaign is justified. but when women are victims, the anti sexism campaign is nonsense? the same with gay rights? Please take time to think about these things. Don't just think with your ego, think objectively and with an open mind.

gargoylern:
Good reasoning, actually. I share your opinions

Thank you,
and thanks for being such a calm critical thinker. I've noticed that here on nairaland that people often reply with emotion instead of reason.

If anything interesting comes up again, i hope to debate with you again

Blu3ray:
I know you will say that, but deep down you don't believe it

whatever makes you sleep at night...

Blu3ray:
Isn't that loneliness on ur profile picture?

nope, it's adventure

Nuel4:
can you explain to me how women were oppressed by our ancestors?
Celebration of LGBT is an aberration of societal norms and values.

1. google it. there are so many examples and incidences of oppression.
2. societal norms change all the time.
+100 years ago it was unthinkable that a black person could even walk in the same street as a white person.
+100 years ago it was unthinkable that a woman could wear pants.
+100 years ago it was unthinkable that people could stop worshipping pagan Gods.

See how society changes? It's fine, nobody is pressuring you to be an advocate for human rights. Just know that society is changing with or without you. There are more people who want the change. After all, norms are determined by the majority. Sorry guy

Nuel4:
so you actually believe your mom wasn't treated as a human by your father? Lol
Look, the problem is that you people scream too much about things you know little to nothing about

actually yes. my mom was treated very much like a human. My father joined the equal rights bandwagon ages ago. When you have strong women, the only thing you can do is adapt. If your success and happiness is attributed to the oppression of others (women or the LGBT community) you are no different from the ones who oppressed our ancestors for their happiness and success. Think about it... and if you feel okay with being the same as them, expect the same retaliation that they got

if you don't respect my existence, you can expect my resistance.

Nuel4:
lol don't be deceived with the career scam. This career thing, abortion right, frustrating men in divorce court celebration of LGBT etc are just ploys by globalists and radical leftists strong men to discourage natural marriage between men and women in order to reduce world population because they believe the Earth is going to die as result of global warming if population is not controlled. Nobody has ever been happy because he/she is working. Almost everybody normally hates his job but feminists somehow found a way to paint work as heaven to women and I'm very disappointed how women fell for all the scam. Women were far happier 50 years ago when they really had chance to take care of their own families than now that they just chase illusion. Women weren't using antidepressants and narcotics or committing suicide like this 50 years ago.

white women aren't left out, Are they not the ones on Facebook and Tinder buying Lexus for small small boys in Benin because they were promised marriage?
Women have been scammed of their natural joy and gift by a few crazy radicals it's always too late before they realise they have missed it

You mean wanting to be treated as a human and wanting equal rights is a scam? wow I never knew that! Hey, we should all sue those freedom fighters and civil rights activists that ended slavery! this whole "we are all humans" thing is obviously just a money making scheme and a way for the big cats upstairs to improve economies and get rid of poverty. wow you have opened my eyes I can see clearly now.

why embrace progress and prosperity when you can stay in a kitchen and cook rice and beans for your starving family? wow, sign me up for that.

gargoylern:
I guessed as much. Wasn't that evident, lol? I agree, it's a theory. And I don't think you'll find significant untruths in this theory if you manage to take it up as a research subject. Honestly, i don't find it bad that they are lonely. I just find it ridiculous that they would want all their wishes (and with a cherry ontop) met like they were in Nigeria. High time waking up to the reality that CA is a different society where man (or woman) has different concerns or demands. Are you SA?

Shame... but this is interesting though. I've always wondered what the differences were in the dating scenes of countries.

Yes I'm in SA but I work in China. Although now with corona, im back in SA

gargoylern:
Lool. You must be a scientist. Which explanation are you trying to find? You just dey try reason am away. This is reality. Though it pains me sha for them, I just kind feel they didn't understand what they were getting into before going to Canada. Some had stable lives and were in some kind of relationship in Naija, even if it was shaky. But now, they can't even figure the direction their live is going. If they were struggling to adapt, that would have been better. But these ladies are molded already, and it will take a lot to do away with the thinking they took with them to CA in order for them to actually see a glimmer of light at the end of the single, lonely tunnel they are looking down.

Social scientist, to be specific.
We theorize so that we can find solutions. Even what you just said is a theory and it's a good one.
So therefore we can suggest the solution of educating people about the differences in culture abroad?
I'm totally on board with that

See? that's why people debate
Anyway, i hope those girls adapt and that they realise that some societies in West demands something different than some African societies.

To be honest, i find dating easier abroad because it's very superficial. Men just ask you out on a date randomly. But in SA people will want to get to know you first. I like our way though

gargoylern:
You didn't get my point. They actually WANT marriage, that's the primary reason they feel lonely and dejected. These are not career women types.

Okay, I hear you
In that case, I know the dating world in other places are tough. Maybe they are struggling to bridge the culture gap?

Many things that would be okay in Nigeria, for example, may not be okay in Canada. Dating is different everywhere and maybe these girls are just struggling to adapt. I have also seen the same thing here in SA. Nigerian ladies don't date much. So I've also theorized about it.

These are just my theories. I always think there's not just one answer when dealing with a large group of people over a large geographical or cultural area.

There can be many reasons why these girls are not finding relationships. I'm also just trying to find explanations for this phenomenon.

Maybe, just maybe, they're not lonely and they are actually enjoying their lives...

In most countries, it's normal to be focused on your career as a woman. It doesn't mean you're lonely. So maybe these girls just adjusted to their surroundings and maybe they're finally happy because they live in a society where people don't expect them to get married at 25.

Just because you don't understand or agree with a culture or ideology doesn't mean that it's wrong. So just because you don't understand why they are single and career driven, doesnt mean you are right in labelling them as lonely.

If that's your logic, you can label me lonely too. I'll proudly accept

Thanks! you're a star! Stay safe during the lockdown