₦airaland Forum

Can't say am not guilty of this cos I have visited my married sisters a number of times and sometimes it was an extended stay as long as I didnt overstay my welcome. On such occassions, I made sure I was helpful around the house, buy things for the kids and dont poke nose in their family matter. Of course they look forward to my visits. Now that I'm married, I pray to be accomodating like some people I know but I will not tolerate being taken for granted. It also depends on how big and spacious your house is.

I guess the house the wife wants to build is meant for the family or does she want to label if MY HOUSE instead of OUR HOUSE? I dont think there is anything wrong if she builds the house except if she has the syndrome of personalizing whatever she buys with her money. As it were, they are about to be evicted from their home and if the wife has agreed to help out, I see no reason why she shouldn't. Although the husband may not find the situation palatable, but the prayer is that his business picks up so that he join the wife in building the house together.

The truth is time has changed and in many homes the wife find themselves as the main financier. In such situations, the husband may feel threatened as it is expected that the husband should be the provider. With understanding sha, couples could pull it off but the wife shouldn't rub it in at any given opportunity. At least if is better that one of them is still making good money irrespective whether it is the husband or the wife than for the two of them to be broke. There are instances where the wife earns six times the husband's pay, what will you do? blame God, wallow in self pity or live your life the best way u could while u work on yourself and hope for the best.

Pls, when is the right time to start going for antenatal care? I mean, how many weeks or month.

@poster. Do whatever is u and ur fiancee are comfortable with. Believe me, no matter how big ur wedding is, some pple will still complain dt they were not informed. At ur planning stage u'll need to be careful and firm cos some pple will advise you based on their selfish interest and what they stand to benefit. Got married few months ago and I tell u, even though we had about 300 guests, complaints were flying here and there that we did selective invitation. Some old friends/classmates that we've lost contact with for donkey years claimed to be left out. Infact, one of them advised that I should have made my wedding a re-union for alumni, not a bad idea but since she conceived it, I wonder why she didnt make hers alumni-get together . So no matter how hard u try, some might still feel offended. So why not to it your own way and be happy

Wow, she bought the land, built d house without hubby's knowledge, maneuvered d family to rent d house, lived in d house for ten years and received the rent for those years!!! what a schemer! And d husband, something tells me that he is not too involved in the family affairs.

What was their agreement before marriage? At least they would have discussed issues bothering on career and future ambition. For a husband that is opposed to a career/working wife, he must have mentioned this before or did he just wake up from his slumber? If he met her working, it is only fair for him to have expressed his opinion and reach a consensus with his wife before marriage instead of lording it over her now. I guess the guy is over -loaded financially, but whatever the case maybe let him consider the rainy day cos anything can happen (economically).

He insists that he has enough cash for the family needs, did he realize that some people work not because of the financial reward alone but because the love what they are doing. The fulfillment and confidence derived from working help psychologically.

Using force or threats may not help the wife, at this stage she should calm down. They have over-blown the issue as it were: families taking sides, threats to sue( ) etc It's like the battle line has been drawn with none ready to shift base. It's better she should take things easy till the heat has completely died down and later come up with business ideas that is not time consuming.

That lady is definitely not funmi iyanda!!!

@ Poster.
That your wife gave you her ATM card in itself does not mean she is humble. Rather, she trusts your financial decisions. To me her action is based on trust. There are humble wives whose husbands are not that good with finances, sometimes such husband entrust the wife with issues  concerning finances.

A wife who knows her husband will gamble, drink, womanize with her hard earned money and goes ahead to hand it over to him to lavish in the name of humility is only being foolish. There are different ways of handling issues and decisions depending on the peculiarities of each family/home, that a wife doesnt hand over her salary does not mean she is not humble.

Yes o, the wedding is fast approaching and advises are coming from here and there concerning the choice of hall. Some of them are: use an open ground cos it's cheaper (mind u it's raining season), get something small and manageable after all it will last for just few hours, go for the best to make it memorable etc. What do u think? Of what significance/value is the hall, is it something that can be compromised?

@mama-gee

And are u going to do the same if they are family members?

mummy3:
I pity you (awon secretaries). you people are just trying to console yourself. madam keep on deceiving your self. I know you and i know what you've been doing with your oga. you better put your head inside like snail-o. else else else else

It never ceases to amaze me when people talk with such ignorance. That you have fallen by the way side doesnt mean that others will follow suit. It's a pity that you are not really exposed to the functions of a PA/Secretary or at best your understanding is lopsided and biased. You need to change your mind set if you belong to this profession cos u wont go too far.

If you are interested in knowing what a PA/Secretary does, come to my office for a couple of days and then decide if sleeping with your boss is the answer. I bet with your IQ, u will develop migraine immediately. Anyway, we can do without your type

Hmmmm, Nobody is saying anything about NGOs' pay. For good and well established ones, the least cadre like drivers/office assistant earn over 100k per month.

I'm sure there are so many other well paying sector that people seem to overlook. Enough of banks, oil& gas bla bla bla,

Pls could anyone help me with the current information on Masters Programme in University of Abuja. I visited their website but it is not updated. I like to know whether forms for another session is out, if not when it is likely to be out, d kind of programmes being run i.e full time or part time, tuition fee, duration (hint on whether d programme is fast or over prolonged ) e.t.c Any guiding information is needed.

Thanks for your help.

Any help? Plsssss

Pls could anyone help me with the current information on Masters Programme in University of Abuja. I visited their website but it is not updated. I like to know whether forms for another session is out, if not when it is likely to be out, d kind of programmes being run i.e full time or part time, tuition fee, duration (hint on whether d programme is fast or over prolonged ) e.t.c Any guiding information is needed.

Thanks for your help.

It's a pity that this tread is thinning out, i pray it wont.

I earlier wrote about being offered a position of a PA to the President of my organisation. Well, It's been two months and i'v experienced ups and down in this new role. The first hurdle is dat d position made me relocate to Abuja which i took to my stride - new position, new environment, new colleagues, new office, new boss, e.t.c. Adapting to these changes was my first task. Thank God, I'm now settled.

As some people earlier commented, colleagues expects me to know everything going on especially at the management level, including information I dont have access to.

The same thing goes for my boss; he once told me that I should be very inquisitive cos i'm his hears in the organisation. He expects me to have a ready answer to any question. Apart from being his PA, I still find myself handling admin matters. Presently we dont have an Admin manager in our Abuja office but dr are admins officers on different projects. Therefore, I find myself coordinating the general admin matters like interviews, general staff meetings, management meetings, writing memos, coordinating junior staff e.t.c The truth is I am not more qualified or experienced than other admin officers but d position itself comes with high expectation. Thank God for the little experience I had as an admin officer.

One of the major challenges i have is trying to be abreast of the organisation's activities. Like I said in my earlier post, I work with an NGO and we have different projects we are implementing. I dont have programs background, therefore sometimes i seem kind of lost. For instance, I take minutes when the president is in a meeting with say an implementing partner. Covering such meeting could be a bit difficult as I'm not conversant with most issues. Although, I'v been reading alot about our project and I believe that with time I will overcome this.

Another challenge is handling other logistics while in a meeting. I am expected to cover a meeting at the same time organise the logistics like tea, lunch, payment of sitting allowance (if necessary) e.t.c If the tea does not come on time- wahala, d lunch is late- trouble. I would be blamed for those lapses even if it is obvious that someone else didnt act on time. For example, there was this interview I organised, I had told our domestic staff to get lunch for the interview panel while I went in to cover the interview process. When it was time for lunch, I expected him to be back but that was when I was told that he just left cos there was no vehicle on ground. My boss was angry and he told me that next time I should be the one to get the lunch myself. Tell me, how am I to divide myself, one part at d interview, d other part buying lunch.lol

One thing I have realized is, If you are not careful and assertive; your desk will be a dumping ground or you might end up being an errand girl. I have a scanner, photocopier, printer e.t.c in my office, If the domestic assistant is not around some staff expects me to help with such tasks. Well, sometimes I do at other times I tell them to wait for assistant. Again, another task i dont really like is the idea of making tea for visitors. I'm expected to do it is our assistance is not around and there are visitors. ( Hmmm, may God help me o)


I believe this position is a stepping stone. If one is open to learning, d sky is just d begining. To my fellow secretaries and PAs in the house, do have a merry Xmas and a prosperous New Year.

O God, help me cos i really need to clear my head and think about the best way out.

I would appreciate ur advice on this nairalandres!!!

Still on my sister o. I told her yesterday night that i would be going to Lagos today from work. ( I resolved 2 weeks ago to traveling on friday from work to lagos and come back to Ibadan on Monday to resume 2. Ds is to relieve myself from d week's tension and a way to avoid havin clashes with her over d weekend). Her response was that if i travel, i should not bother coming back to her place. She stressed it that it means i have severed the relationship btw us.

I'm confused. For my peace and stability of mind, I want to ignore her statement and travel. Not lodging at her place is no problem at all cos i av alternatives. To put it candidly, I can do without her problems.

On the other hand, I dont want to leave on the wrong note. I know she will hold on to it 4 life and others might blame me cos i'm d youger one.

Hmmm, I have limited time to decide what to do.

Tanks so much 4 ur responses.

@iice
We've all tried talking to her, at least I tried in my own little way. Though when i did, i was watching my utterances cos u av to rehearse ur speech otherwise she'll attach anoda meaning to it. My sister got her a book on "why u act d way u do" but she read anoda meaning to it.

@Taymi
I kno she loves us that was why i risked living wit her in d first place. I didnt want to hurt her feeling by refusing to stay with her but i guess i'm no saint. There's a limit to human endurance.

@Ziddy
Guy, u realy spoke my mind. U talked about having sinking feeling each morning because ou ur boss, mine is the other way round. Each morning i feel so happy that i'm getting away from the tensed up environment. On closing, i tell u, na wahala. My colleagues might think i'm so hardworking and dedicated cos i dont close on time. I'll always av something to occupy me just because i dread going home. There was actually a day i got home and wen i realized she was in, i started strolling around for d next one hour just because i was buying time and brazing myself up to face her.

Family members avoid her especially the younger ones but she doesnt understand why or maybe she refuses to acknowledge that fact. D oda day she accused me of not being free wit her, dat i prefer going to places where i'll be celebrated. It's a pity i couldn't talk back or explain to her d reasons i culd not be at ease wit her. D problem is, say a word and she'll quote u 4 life. So i guess keeping quiet helps a little. Hmm, i'n not ready to loose my mind.

Why in d world are some pple so difficult to live or work with? In this case i'm not talking about strangers but siblings. I'm presently staying with a sibling who seems to see no good in all that i do. She keeps finding fault in all my actions even though i go out of my way to please her. Please, don't conclude that i'm d one at fault, no, she has problems with whoever stay with her except her kids.

What I dont really understand is that she actually wants pple around her but ones u'r with her, d unpleasant attitude starts. When I was younger (15 yrs ago)she pleaded with my dad to allow my sister to stay with her (elder sister). On her return after spending abt 2 yrs with her, she has almost turned to a vegetable. She told us what she went through and aw she maltreated. The same thing happened to a cousin of ours after she lobbied for her to stay with her. All these happened years ago and we all assumed that she has changed.

Now coming to me, she has always been accusing me of not coming to see or pay her a visit. After my NYSC , she was quick to assist in my getting employment in her state of residence. Being that i hadn't any alternative, i accepted the offer cos it was a good one. I wanted to get a place of my own but i was advised against it by other family members because they all tot she has changed and moreso I'm a grown up and employed. I kno she helped cos she actually wanted a companion and someone she can open up to. Don't get me wrong,I kno within her she's good but she cant help being nasty ones she keeps seeing u around.

I really pity her cos I'm realy fed up. I'll be moving out soon but i wonder for aw long she'll be like ds. She longs for pple to be with her but she's damn too sensitve and she reads meaning to all ur actions and speech. She's self employed and nobody has been able to work with her at lenght because of her behaviour. I can't understand it cos i kno she's a good person.

Tank God I saw this thread.

To every1 who has added value to this topic, I say u av done a good job. I was actually searching nairaland to c if i could get anytin on being a PA. This is my situation.

I have a degree in business admin and a professional certificate in strategic management. Ijoined my present organisation(an NGO) last year,Oct 2009 as an admin officer. I tell u, d orgnisation is doing real good with physical presence in most of nigerian states. I've been offered a position to work with the CEO as his PA. Mind u he is a PROFESSOR. The offer is a WOW monetary wise, job content is very rich and broad. My concern is d wide gap between our qualification and profession. He is in the medical field. From wat i heard i may be called to make presentations on his behalf. From what i know of him, he's a perfectionist who doesnt tolorate mistakes. He believes you should be abreast of all happenings. Moreso, he told me he doesnt want a learner but a person to get on the job fast. Funny enough, he hand picked me himself.

I am yet to start the job but in a couple of weeks time, i'll resume. Please, I'll appreciate any advice on aw to take off this new role.

Thanks for ur anticipated advice