₦airaland Forum

abuabdullah:
The naira regaining its value is dependent on price of crude oil and our foreign reserve. My opinion, I do not see it regaining its value this year. The black market exchange rate is the true value of the naira.
If you are highly cautious, I will advise you find out the selling price of dollar before conversion.

Please seek Gurus opinion before buying any stock. The market is still highly volatile.

Many thanks. The selling price is N430 BDC rate, not sure for Chaka.

I am not too eager to pick just any stock now as due diligence is required. As you have rightly said, the market is very volatile and my priority for now is to preserve the value of available fund although wouldn't mind picking fast rising stocks as well. I've had enough of volatility and unpredictability in the crypto world, I need some sanity with this.

Hi guys! I have been a silent follower of this thread and I want to say kudos to you all for the good work you are doing.

I started investing earlier this month using the Chaka app. I have some fund again that I’m willing to invest but my concern now is the exchange rate. The last time I checked on chaka earlier today was #450 to $1 and generally the black market rate goes for same range. The question now is should one wait this out and invest later when the naira regains higher value?

Remember dollar once exchanged for 500 in 2016/2017 before it eventually settled at #360. Is it advisable to convert to dollar now? What is your projection based on the current economic situations both in Nigeria and US? I can't afford to buy now for the value to be better tomorrow? Another school of thought believes the devaluation will continue until the oil crises is over.

Your thoughts on this would be highly appreciated

What kind of question is this? Those girls are practically naked. The question of what will I do won't arise in the first place as my sisters or friends don't go out naked.

I wonder what part of Nigeria you are since that dressing style seem do be in vogue around you.

streetajebo:
I don't know what fashion is turning our naija girls into but if my sister or girlfriend wear these clothes then I will make sure she doesn't leave the house. what will you do?
see more ripped and tear tear clothes naija girls are now wearing here
http://www.streetajebo.com/2016/08/can-you-allow-your-gf-wear-this-in-name.html?m=1

ANANABA000:
Thanks for all the many admonition Guys.
You're all so very awesome.
However, we're missing out a few things here.
I never mentioned that I cheated anywhere in my post, neither was I caught doing that.
I give my kids all the attention they deserve and they love and appreciate me.
Of course I'm not a saint, but I'm better than 80% of Guys in my age range And in same situation.
It's odd to have a woman of the house act the way mine does and I doubt that it's due to hormonal changes.
I unfortunately have the responsibility of living with a woman who still walks the streets in tight jean trousers after two kids.
I've never met her mother after 5 years of wedlock all thanks to her parent's divorce some 20 something years ago.
You know, that category of women, who believe they still have "something to give to society" not just hubby.
Those who invest in sexy pants and lingerie yet don't have the urge for sex with hubby.
That category of women who spend all their time outdoors, while a nanny does all the hard work and have nothing to show for all the wasted time.
That category of women who leave home at 7am and return at 8pm yet their kids look like orphans.
How I got into this?
After two heartbreaks from two relationships. One due to genotype mismatch, the other due to not having family consent. I spun into action to salvage my situation.
I courted for 9 months, I was desperate to have kids then.
I had a string of girls and she was just one of them.
Apparently, she was the one who was desperate enough to endure being a foot mat.
It was all about the baby not the Mama.
I pushed and kicked, I bad mouthed and cursed but she stayed until the pregnancy came and that made me think twice.
Five years down the line I have a home I wish will break.
You need to really imagine my situation to understand what I'm going through.
I wonder why people find it hard to give it up when it's not yielding the desired love as designed by God.
I wonder why I have to live with trying for a happy home for the rest of my useful life when it doesn't seem possible.
So I'm not asking for how to make it right, I'm asking for how to put an end to this marriage.
I'm sure we have experts in the house including experienced members who know how to end a union.

@op, I don't know what to say to you but one thing I am sure of is that you laid a very wrong foundation for your marriage. You know the saying ...'as you make your bed so you'll lie on it'.... It is very obvious you never loved your wife and she knows it. You have acted it, showed it and you threw it to her face. But being human that you are, you expected love from her. You should understand that se.x to many women goes beyond just the act. Her response to you is a function of your actions and treatments meted to her. Please, try to look beyond yourself, life is not all about you alone and what you want.

The statement '[b]That category of women who leave home at 7am and return at 8pm yet their kids look like orphan[/b]s' portrays that you feel she is solely responsible for the upkeep of your kids. What are you in particular doing to ensure your kids don't look like orphans? Now that you are considering divorce, if she stops her time consuming job how will she support herself and the kids? if you pay good attention to them like you said then why do they still look like orphans? In all of this she comes across as someone who is hurting and pained. All I see is no love, no communication, no connection...... I guess she is also not happy in this union just like you. If you both are not ready to work it out, abeg, let go.

A rather bad and uneventful ending for the Promise I'll say. So many loose endings. It was quite interesting at some point but the story later became so boring. Brought in Veer, avery powerful character and he just disappeared along the line, Atarbah too just vanished and the story painted India as a lawless country where wicked acts are not punished.

Well, it largely depends on d machine and d medical person's expertise in reading the scan just like some people here have mentioned. What I did was to go for sex scan at diagnostics center (EchoScan). Those special centers are very accurate. For me, I can't wait till delivery to know the sex as that will guide my purchases. That has been very helpful as I like buying baby clothes in advance not just d unisex body suits.

If God blesses you with all girls please be appreciative.

It is well.

abbey621:
Why do people get married? Is it not for better or worse? At every stage the man keeps trying to elevate his family, he does not want to end up like so many people abroad working till the age of 60 with no savings whatsoever! Instead of the wife to be threatening divorce she should learn to communicate with the husband and actually try to educate herself more so she can also pursue good paying jobs, both the husband and her should have a 5 to 7 year plan to work towards stability and ultimately towards retirement, everything is not gra gra jaare!

Exactly d reason she needs some stability... You advised she gets more education right? How will she do that with all d moving about ish.

Okijajuju1:


Chai!


Meanwhile some Girls for Naija go love this guy die..


Their Instagram page no go rest at all..

Not when they have a young family. I guess many people think money is everything. The kids needs stability Abeg....such restlessness...

MainHerioneHoon:
It's really crazy when people call Daljeet stupid like Daljeet may be boring but at least he got Sahiba to marry him TWICE.

Both of them need their head checked. Although Neil is a stronger character while Daljeet acts like a sissy. I prefer Neil any day acting wise. I just hope d young and inexperienced ladies watching these series don't get things twisted. The movies are far from reality

Hian , enjoying the arguments sha but I personally can't waste time analysing zeeworld's soap. They are very entertaining to quite alright and I find myself looking forward to seeing it but beyond that they can be very annoying. One can hardly learn anything tangible with their twisted value and systems.

They still have to work on their soap content. Loop holes every where portraying India as a country where intelligence is scarce and justice skewed. The ' memory loss' thing is becoming tiring, almost in all d series.

Kai, I hope issues are not handled like that I'm realit in India or else life won't be funny especially for their women.

Instead of bringing criminals to book they will be playing silly mind games. See urvashi in saloni then meera in promise. Same in destiny and that uvrag's first wife got away with everything she did, d only punishment was she was sent out of d house. Even sending her out were done repeatedly in d course of d movie and she finds her way back so d finishing was poor and dr. very annoying.

I have finished ranting.

I have 2 girls and they are blessed with wonderfully nice and even hair at birth. So curly, soft and long so I don't have any reason to cut their hair. My first girl is 3 years now and her hair is still very full and long. She receives commendations every now and then.

I was also told to cut their hair, the reason I was given was that with that maiden hair, whatever they say will come to pass. Really I need another convincing reason jare. Thanking God for such hair till tomorrow....

Well, I can't blame your colleague for her decision in staying with her child in the hospital over reporting to the office. It's like she had no better alternative, I mean, which mother in her right mind will leave her child alone in the hospital and concentrate on her work. Although, she should have called the HR, her boss or whoever to inform them about her absence first thing in the morning before the query was issued.

Now, on the issue of conflict between the family and career, in most families the woman makes the most sacrifices when it comes to choosing the family over career. I am not saying men don't make sacrifices as well but there are higher percentage of women. If both partners put their career first,the home front suffers and the children are neglected or left at the mercy of house-helps. Even, if we look at it this way, most men don't feel fulfilled without a good job or regular income even if they have the best family (supportive wife, well behaved kids etc)hence most of then put career first except for a few but many women won't feel as bad in the same situation, once the husband is supportive and the kids are doing fine, she tends to be satisfied even if she has not fulfilled her career dreams. However, it is very good for both parties to learn to compromise their personal desires at one point or the other so that one party won't feel bad for being the one to always make sacrifices.

It's just that the economic situation is not too friendly, hence you will see both husband and wife leaving their homes as early as 5am and coming back by 9pm just to make ends meet. I am sure most people will prefer a less time consuming job but then the opportunity for such jobs don't abound everywhere. But one should be able to draw a line once your partner or kids are feeling neglected.


@Okija_juju
Hmm... pregnancy na another issue o. Reminds me of a friend who is pregnant and is worried about being fit throughout her pregnancy period. She being the main breadwinner of her home had no choice but to report to work even when she's not too well. She's entitled to only 6wks maternity leave and considering going for additional 2months without pay but then the finances will suffer. Now in this case, where do you draw the line between family and career? Whether she reports to work after 6weeks (at the detriment of her baby) or apply for additional months without pay to take care of her baby (at the detriment of family finances)- both options are family inclined to me sha.

I was not that close to my dad when I was young. We children thought he was very strict and we would disappear into our room once he is around. While in primary and secondary school, no friend was welcomed in our house and we were not allowed to go visiting either. But as we were getting older, he was becoming more relaxed and he welcomed only female friends for the girls and only male friends for the boys . By the time I was in tertiary institution, we were quite close and he was no longer a "no go area". At that point,I remember myself and my sister telling him about so many things he used to do that made us afraid, the times he beat us without listening to our explanations. We told him so many things we used to do behind his back and even the places we had gone to without his knowledge. His response was that he was trying to teach us the best way he could considering that our mum was late and he was trying to play the role of father and mother at the same time us.

One good thing he realized was that there is time for everything; he loosened up as we grew older. My dad that didn't tolerate my keeping friends when I was in secondary school later asked me in 300L that he noticed I don't go out visiting anytime I came home on vacation. I jokingly reminded him about his no keeping of friends rule but he responded that, that was then and that now he trusts my judgement about who to choose as friends.

My dad was initially like that because he felt that was the best approach and he was nursing a silent fear of not failing as a single dad. Looking back now, I understand what he was trying to do but then I felt he was mean. Well, of course I would have appreciated being close to him from the very beginning but what can I say, all is well that ends well.

Parents should be able to draw the line between fear and respect, between showing love and pampering, between maintaining discipline and sheer wickedness e.t.c

The man's face is scary , hope he has a good heart sha.

Alpha2k: From what Peter told me, the relationship went sour based on series of disagreements with his family.

What did she do to his family that made them to be on her neck. Maybe she no longer feel safe with him hence, her running away for her dear life. Where was the husband when she was having series of disagreement with his family? Did anyone threaten her?

Kobojunkie is an hermaphrodite . Assumes different gender depending on the topic of discourse.

Okontami: @OBOWUNMI, you self no try. Why did you forget used condom in the sitting room chair. No father will be happy to use his hand to touch your sper*matozoa .

Well, we had just about 200-250 guests at our wedding, it was not too big but elegant. Wouldn't call that a low key or flamboyant wedding, just in between.

bunmi2012: I am not scared of bringing up two kids on my own,because he really does not contribute much to their life. He is too busy looking for money instead of concentrating on them.

He has been busy looking for money since the past 8years and no show? I'm sure it's frustration that is making him to act the way he does. Had it been he's been lazy waiting for your salary is another issue. Some people can't handle been frustrated but that is no excuse for abuse.

You are in the best position to decide what you want to do.

The couple might actually be victims of scam. I saw this and it may be of interest to you.



August 7th, 2012

by Jumoke Salako

A veteran obstetrician and gynecologist, by far one of the most popular and experienced hands in the field, Dr Jimoh Akanbi Gafar of Midland Fertility Clinic Ilorin, Kwara state, and also of Eyitayo Clinic, and a lecturer in the University of Ilorin, has been arrested for running a major false pregnancy scam on his patients.

According to sources, his operation came to the open when a patients husband insisted he wanted to witness the Cesarian section delivery of his “fortunately term-pregnant” wife. Dr Jimoh then allegedly said the case needed prayers as some spiritual event was taking command of events, and it appeared “the baby had disappeared”.

Allegedly Dr Jimoh has been running this false, Iatrogenic pseudo-cyesis scam for several years on his unsuspecting patients.

According to the case, what he does is, he pretends to have given them In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), and then he doses them on constant hormonal therapy to cause cessation of menses.

The patients now feel they are pregnant and carry on like this for the 9 month course of the supposed pregnancy, attending clinics and being tested by Dr Jimoh and his cronies in his center who make them believe all their tests are positive and normal for the period.

Point to note, these are very desperate patients who have struggled to conceive for years. In Africa, being able to bear children is almost an obligation and women are unfairly punished by the society if unable to give birth to a boy, and to any child at all. Hence, what Dr Jimoh’s center promised was very lucrative, his procedures selling for a million naira ($6,000) a treatment.
The women were also more likely to psychologically exhibit the pseudo-cyesis, due to desperation and the influence of the hormonal therapy.

Now, here is where his second dirty trick comes in. At delivery, he recommends a Cesarian section, possibly citing some form of complication and then always declares a still birth.

According to the story, he had almost been caught in the past when a parent requested to see her dead baby. Dr Jimoh is reported to have brought out some dead fetus to show, after 24 hours delay.

Over the weekend, the latest couple upon hearing his fabulous claim of the baby “disappearing via voodoo”, were said to have stormed his house and brought him out with serious lynching. At this point certain neighbors got involved, the word spread and gradually several women came out reporting similar experiences under his care. This culminated in his arrest and detention.

An old patient of his even told our NewsRescue staff, that in her case, several years ago when she failed to get pregnant, Dr Jimoh had secretly advised her to simply bring another mans sperm to his clinic for him to use to inseminate her, and her husband will never be the wiser.

If these allegations are true, it can just be imagined how many atrocities he might have committed over the years, many with living evidence. Not surprising his record of “achievement”.

As the case has proceeded, 3 of his victims narrated their cases to the Kwara police commissioner. Dr Jimoh was allegedly defending himself with medical jargon, and claiming that sonologists make errors.

The commissioner of police has delayed any release of the suspect, pending a thorough investigation, citing the additional murder case.

Dr Jimoh in his police report is also prime suspect in the murder case of one of his staff nurses.

According to the case, Dr Jimoh had performed a C/S the day of her death. He had requested she tell the patient that he had removed a dead fetus as was his usual scam. But the late nurse refused, citing the fact that she was about to get married and have babies and will not lie. The nurse allegedly disappeared that day, and was found dead some days later, not too far away, between the hospital and her home.

At present, the case is being investigated and a jail cell is what is pregnant with “used-to-be” Dr Jimoh, the fertility expert of Ilorin.[b][/b]

source: http://newsrescue.com/fertility-doctor-caught-false-pregnancy-scam-sorry-baby-disappeared/#axzz2Ahmipqwn

This is what happens when a man feels it is not right for him to cook once he is married. Some men feel the woman should be strong at all times to attend to their needs no matter your circumstances, whether pregnant, sick or whatever. The situation is further compounded when a man with such a mind set also has self esteem issues, he would feel belittled and insecure when forced to operate outside his box.

Do take care and don't stress yourself. Give yourself a treat as you have decided. Although it could be so lonely when your spouse is not emotionally connected with you. But all the same, God is your strength.

Why is it that it's a BANK MANAGER that is attending to ATM complaints? Pls what is the name of that bank abeg?

[quote author=$tunna]thanks but you still dont understand the issue.
she wants me to come and we will have a wedding...that is okay and will be done. i want her to then get pregnant for me while i process the papers for her and that will take about 3 to 6 months...this is where she said no way! having a baby in nigeria is too dangerous so she would like to get to america 1st before she get pregnant!!

ths issue is; what is her motive for that since i obviously have the money to send her to the best hospital in Nigeria for care and she will be getting to america b4 she deliver anyways? so if i moved to nigeria does that mean we will not have any kids because it is dangerous to do so there?

abeg people shine ur eyes and talk about the real issue here...[/quote]It's obvious that both of you don't trust eachother. You are not sure of her motive while she is not sure of yours too. If I were to consider her stand, the following may be her reasons for not wanting to get pregnant in Nigeria;
1) Maybe she is a good Christian who frowns at pregnancy out of wedlock. If this is the case, marry her first, wait for her to get pregnant in Nigeria before she travels.
2)It may be that she's feels you have no genuine plan about her coming over to join you. There are several cases where men have misled ladies to get pregnant for them only to be left alone in Nigeria to face the challenges of single mother. If this is the case, it's up to you to convince her of your intentions.
3)May be she actually see you as a visa to America and plans to scram later on.

Whatever the case maybe, both of you will have to reach a compromise. You both cant stand at the two extreme and expect the other to totally buy your idea. How far are you both willing to take the risk together? We've heard your own side of the story, I mean your fears. You need to listen to her fears too in order to understand her position.

If both of you cant reach a 50-50 compromise, you better part ways and stop waiting each other's time.

Ujujoan: Look at it this way . . . no matter how bad your condition is, you are still better than a whole lot of people. I know that's a poor consolation but trust me, it works!

Sometimes challenges come our way to make us stronger. The only way to acheive that strength is to face the problem fully. Don't try to hide or run away from them. I dont know what you are going through but I'm sure it can only get BETTER with time!

That's true, we can always come out stronger in the face of challenges. But I feel the OP is unnecessarily getting herself tensed up. I don't see any problem here. True, we all except things to work out very fast but sometimes it may not materialize the way we want. Neeky1, pls calm down and dont push youself too hard. You mentioned that your situation is embarassing, no it is not and in fact you'll be surprised to know that so many people passed through that phase. I only wish you have someone close to you that you can talk to. Be happy with yourself and very soon your prayers will be answered.

Hello Neeky.
I think I know what is bothering you but seriously, don't you think its too early for that? I mean relax and dont get yourself worked up. Very soon, God will make you happy. All the best

I saw this somewhere and I feel like sharing it. Very interesting write up. Enjoy



"The Gospel According To 'Saint' Farouk June 13th, 2012

1) And it came to pass after these things, on the first day of the first month of the twelfth year after the second millennium, that king Jona son of Bele announced to the people saying; there is no money left in the royal treasury, and the future of the kingdom is in great danger.

2) Therefore, a measure of oil shall no longer sell for three scores of silver and seven, but shall now be seven scores of silver and one. But the people grumbled aloud, and said unto another, what shall it profit our king to gain all these oil money and lose his throne?
3) For it is appointed unto him to reign but once, and after this prison,for many are the atrocities which he has committed.

4) So they said unto the king, eat thou thy food in peace in the palace, andsurround thou thyself with thine women, only touch not our oil price and dothy people no harm.
5) But the king would not listen, and said unto himself, I know my people,they shall only grumble for a while and soon they shall forget.
6) But the people would not forget, for the burden was too much for them tobear, and they said; now unto him that is able to increase the price of oilexceeding abundantly above all that his people can bear or think, according to the greed which worketh in him;

7) Unto him be curses in the streets by the masses throughout all ages,protests without end. So they took to the streets and gave the land no peace, and there was no going out or coming in throughout the kingdom for two weeks, and the king feared greatly and said to himself, surely these people shall overturn me ifI answer them not.
9) So he called the head of the labourers unto the palace, and gave him bags of gold, that he mayest turn off the wrath of the people against the king.

10) So the king assembled the people and said unto them; a measure of oilshall no longer be seven scores of silver and one, but shall now be fourscores of silver, one dozen and five, to this your leaders have agreed.Praise me now therefore for I am a benevolent king.
11) And after all these, the Loudspeaker of the House of People said, let usinquire into the king's claim that there be no money in the royal treasury.So they appointed Farcrook, son of Lawal.
12) And said unto him, gather ye now all the oil sellers, that we may knowwho stole from the kingdom. This did him with diligence, and came back withhis report saying

13) Thieves abound in the land, and so have the oil sellers stole from thepeople, and gave them not oil, this they did with the help of Aliyaro theking's mistress; and the amount he mentioned was unheard of in the land.
14) When the people heard this, they were dismayed, and sorrow gripped theirhearts.
15) But the oil sellers went in unto the king in his chamber, and said;rememberest thou O king that the what we stole did we make available to thycampaign, and by thus did we make you king.

16) If thou deliver us unto the people that they may punish us, we will holdnot our tongue to tell the people that thou art one of us.
17) And they said unto him, how else shall we destroy the message if not todestroy the messenger? Let us therefore implicate Farcrook the son of Lawalin this matter.
1cool So they sent a certain rich man from the West by the name Otedollar, andhe took Farcrook into his house and gave him some money, that he may alterthe report which he had set before the people.

19) And it was that Otedollar went before an assembly of the people and saidunto them, trust ye this man who said we stole from the treasury? Surely heis one of us, for he came unto me in the middle of the night, and he leftwith his pockets full of money.
20) And the people where amazed, and their hearts bled, for Farcrook was aman in whom they had put their trust.
21) So Farcrook arose, and said; Otedollar is my briber, I did not request.He maketh me to sit down in his Maitama house; he leadeth me beside thechilled champagne.
22) He exploited my greed; he leadeth me in the path of marked dollars forsubsidy's sake.

23) Yea, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of EFCC, I willfear no arrest: for bribes are with me; my loots and my kickbacks theycomfort me.
24) Thou preparest the dollars before me, in the presence of the SSS: thouanointest my mouth with wine; my pocket runneth over.
25) Surely the shame and reproach shall follow me all the days of my life,but I will dwell in the house of PDP forever and ever.
26) And the people wept, but there was no one to console them




What do you think about this write up?

kay9: Well we're back to Square One again... HOW LONG does this ''getting to know each other'' take??
Hey u know what? Lets make it a bit more real: How long would YOU would need to know someone enough to consider marriage?

It varies. For some, 6months is enough to decide whether they want to get married, for others 1year or 2yrs while for others it takes longer. Personally, I may not want to get married to someone I courted for just 6months but that doesnt mean others wouldnt and nothing says the marriage would not work either. It's all about personal conviction. On the average 2years is ok (my opinion).

Yes, I have seen a man sweeping the floor.
Yes I have seen a man washing plates.
But I have not seen a wife beating the husband. Where is your neighbour so that I will ask him/her?

Concerning length of courtship, what works for A may not work for B. Some couples court for a very long time like say 8yrs and the still have problems in their marraige while others couples who court for that same lengh may not. Each unto its own. It's all about the parties involved,if both are determined to make their marriage a success, of course it will work for them.

The thing is, do you have to wait for 5-8years to know if you are compatible? To me, that doensnt sound right. Of course some wait that long due to some reasons like finances, doubts about your partner or maybe the relationship started when they were quite young and not ready for marriage etc But if you ready for marriage but you decide to drag the courtship unneccessarily without any cogent reason but all in the name of having a long coutship, then there is no sense in that. What matters is getting to know each other well enough before marriage.

shymmex:

Withdraw the marriage proposal - and practice elimination by substitution..

This isn't the medieval age, if you're going to marry a girl - you need to sample what you're trying spend the rest of your life with loads of time, to know if she's really the one..

You test drive before you buy - no test, no buy.. Finito!!

If that is the rule, I wonder how many people would have tested and sampled your wife before you'll marry her.

@op, I wonder what the girl is doing with you because "two people cannot be together unless they agree". You have not married her so you dont own her body for now. Marriage proposal sometimes doesnt automatically mean you will eventually get married, anything could still happen along the line. So do the proper thing and stop complaining.

Whwn I saw this, I couldn't help but laugh my head off....


"The Gospel According To 'Saint' Farouk June 13th, 2012

1) And it came to pass after these things, on the first day of the first month of the twelfth year after the second millennium, that king Jona son of Bele announced to the people saying; there is no money left in the royal treasury, and the future of the kingdom is in great danger.
2) Therefore, a measure of oil shall no longer sell for three scores of silver and seven, but shall now be seven scores of silver and one. But the people grumbled aloud, and said unto another, what shall it profit our king to gain all these oil money and lose his throne?
3) For it is appointed unto him to reign but once, and after this prison,for many are the atrocities which he has committed.
4) So they said unto the king, eat thou thy food in peace in the palace, andsurround thou thyself with thine women, only touch not our oil price and dothy people no harm.
5) But the king would not listen, and said unto himself, I know my people,they shall only grumble for a while and soon they shall forget.
6) But the people would not forget, for the burden was too much for them tobear, and they said; now unto him that is able to increase the price of oilexceeding abundantly above all that his people can bear or think, according to the greed which worketh in him;
7) Unto him be curses in the streets by the masses throughout all ages,protests without end. So they took to the streets and gave the land no peace, and there was no going out or coming in throughout the kingdom for two weeks, and the king feared greatly and said to himself, surely these people shall overturn me ifI answer them not.
9) So he called the head of the labourers unto the palace, and gave him bags of gold, that he mayest turn off the wrath of the people against the king.
10) So the king assembled the people and said unto them; a measure of oilshall no longer be seven scores of silver and one, but shall now be fourscores of silver, one dozen and five, to this your leaders have agreed.Praise me now therefore for I am a benevolent king.
11) And after all these, the Loudspeaker of the House of People said, let usinquire into the king's claim that there be no money in the royal treasury.So they appointed Farcrook, son of Lawal.
12) And said unto him, gather ye now all the oil sellers, that we may knowwho stole from the kingdom. This did him with diligence, and came back withhis report saying
13) Thieves abound in the land, and so have the oil sellers stole from thepeople, and gave them not oil, this they did with the help of Aliyaro theking's mistress; and the amount he mentioned was unheard of in the land.
14) When the people heard this, they were dismayed, and sorrow gripped theirhearts.
15) But the oil sellers went in unto the king in his chamber, and said;rememberest thou O king that the what we stole did we make available to thycampaign, and by thus did we make you king.
16) If thou deliver us unto the people that they may punish us, we will holdnot our tongue to tell the people that thou art one of us.
17) And they said unto him, how else shall we destroy the message if not todestroy the messenger? Let us therefore implicate Farcrook the son of Lawalin this matter.
18) So they sent a certain rich man from the West by the name Otedollar, andhe took Farcrook into his house and gave him some money, that he may alterthe report which he had set before the people.
19) And it was that Otedollar went before an assembly of the people and saidunto them, trust ye this man who said we stole from the treasury? Surely heis one of us, for he came unto me in the middle of the night, and he leftwith his pockets full of money.
20) And the people where amazed, and their hearts bled, for Farcrook was aman in whom they had put their trust.
21) So Farcrook arose, and said; Otedollar is my briber, I did not request.He maketh me to sit down in his Maitama house; he leadeth me beside thechilled champagne.
22) He exploited my greed; he leadeth me in the path of marked dollars forsubsidy's sake.
23) Yea, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of EFCC, I willfear no arrest: for bribes are with me; my loots and my kickbacks theycomfort me.
24) Thou preparest the dollars before me, in the presence of the SSS: thouanointest my mouth with wine; my pocket runneth over.
25) Surely the shame and reproach shall follow me all the days of my life,but I will dwell in the house of PDP forever and ever.
26) And the people wept, but there was no one to console them

They finished within the time frame that was stipulated in their terms of reference and they prepared a voluminous report which was to be presented at the senate at plenary. But on the d-day when the chairman of the committee was about to make the presentation, a distinguished senator from the Southern part of the country raised a “point of order”. He argued that the committee was illegal because its composition was lopsided in favor of a certain region in the country. He pointed out that of the 12 members; seven were from the North and only five from the South. Not to be outdone, another Senator this time from the North raised a “point of order” on the “point of order” that was raised by the Senator from the South. He argued that since the committee’s assignment was primarily to investigate the lineage of Senator Mantu (who is from the North), they needed senators who knew the terrain, who understood the culture of the people and their language.

More points of order followed and after a while the Senate President decided to put a stop to it by subjecting it to a voice vote. And thus he announced, “All those in favor of the committee being considered legal and thus go ahead to present its report say “AYE””. And the house responded accordingly. And then he asked again, “All those not in favor of the committee being considered legal and thus should not go ahead to present its report say “NAY””. And the house responded accordingly. Unfortunately for Mantu, the “NAYs had it” and thus the report was never presented.

Now Mantu has a really big problem, because the president is waiting for an answer and he has run out of time. So in one last effort, he decided to phone his very good friend Jerry Rawlings who had always sounded intelligent to Mantu and thus may have the answer to this really difficult question. "Jerry, your mother and father have a child. The child is not your brother and is not your sister, who is he?." Jerry answers immediately. "Hey, Mantu, It's me of course, you dumb Nigerian!"

Mantu couldn’t believe his luck and so he rushed to Aso Rock villa, his motorcade of five cars moving at top speed with sirens blaring. Ordinary Nigerians going about their normal businesses scampered out of the way. When they finally arrived their destination, Mantu literarily ran all the way to the President's office. "Mr. President, Mr. President”, he called out, breathing heavily. “I know who he is” Obasanjo: “Good, so tell me” Mantu: “ it’s Jerry Rawlings Sir! In fact when he revealed the SECRET to me, I started to see the resemblance between us" Obasanjo: "Jerry Rawlings ko, Jerry Gana ni. You are such a stupid senator. Olodo rakpata! I'll make sure you don’t return to office after this term. Stupid man, the correct answer is TONY BLAIR!" And that’s how Mantu never returned to the Senate even though he supported the President’s third term agenda.


NB: This piece is satirical. The characters in it are fictional. Any similarities with real characters, events or places are mere coincidences

The committee was given the following terms of reference: 1. To come up with a complete family tree of the entire Mantu clan 2. To pay a courtesy call to the traditional ruler of Mantu’s village and the State Governor 3. To interview all living relatives of Senator Mantu 4. To determine if Sen. Mantu’s dad had any extramarital affairs 5. To determine the DNA composition of Sen. Mantu (in Germany of course or Saudi) On completion of its assignment, the committee was to submit its report to the senate which will then pass it on to the Senate committee on special duties. This committee will then review the report of the ad hoc committee and come up with a draft “white paper” (whatever that means). This draft “white paper” will then be brought back to the senate and on approval will be passed on to the President through Senator Mantu.

The Ad-hoc committee then submitted its budget which of course was kept SECRET but included funds for; a) The immediate purchase of Land Cruiser jeeps for each of the 12 members of the committee. The jeeps will be used to travel to Mantu’s village because as you know, Nigerian roads are bad and Mantu’s village is remote. b) Air tickets (first class of course) and hotel accommodation in Jos for committee members and their numerous aides. They’ll stay at the Hill-station hotel and drive to Mantu’s village in the morning. c) Air tickets (again first class) to Germany and back, and hotel accommodation (five star) for everybody. d) Estacodes and hazard allowances e) Logistics f) Miscellaneous Even though the budget was kept secret, you can easily come up with the figure by taking the actual estimate of the above list and multiply by ten. You’ll only run into problems when u get to the final two items (logistics & miscellaneous) , as these are usually added to cover for all the people that need to be “settled” in order to ensure that everything goes smoothly. Therefore the figures have the tendency of varying widely and so it can’t really be predicted. Anyway, the money was released and the committee started its assignment in earnest.