₦airaland Forum

The quality of power supply in Nigeria is poor and that is why it is accompanied by surges.

For this reason, it is very essential to switch of air conditioners when they are not in use or when you are not close by to monitor what happens to them. Afterall it takes less than 5 minutes for the compressor to pick and start cooling.

Secondly, every home should have fire extinguishers to avert any fire accident. This is much more important when you have ACs at home.

Lastly, NEVER leave your house without checking if your ACs have been switched off. Its called safety precaution. The same way you should not go to bed with the Main Entrance door open! You can leave a note on the exit door handle that says something like "Are all the ACs in the house switched off? Lock if YES".

Safety First!

Hello guys,

I want to make $ 1,000 deposit for my binary options trading. My broker is 24 Options. My debit Mastercards (FCMB and GTbank) would not allow me to even make a transaction of as low as $300 per day.. (I intended to complete the transaction in 4 days).

After contacting my bank, FCMB, I was made to understand that $100 is the daily limit for payment with my card online. That sounded too unbelievable. I went to Standard Chartered bank and GTbank but it was the same story.

Please is there an alternative way I can make the deposit? The deposit methods available by my broker are: Credit Card, Wire, Webmoney/Qiwi/Neteller, Skrill(Moneybookers), Neteller, China Union Pay, OKpay and Perfect money.

I have heard people making payment using perfect money but I don't know how it works.. Can I pay up to $1,000 with it and how do I get to fund the account with up to such amount?

Thanks and awaiting your replies.

Hello edward1984,

I need Peugeot 206 very clean, Auto, AC.. Final price (Purchase + Clearing) to my door step in abuja.

Hello lade007..

I need Peugeot 206 very clean, Auto, AC.. Final price (Purchase + Clearing) to my door step in abuja.

Well.. I dont think she was planning something great with you.. You would have been her ATM Machine and when she discovered the ATM doesnt seem to be working she decided to block you.

The way the OP wrote this really cracked me up

Buh on a serious note.. Tell her mum and her siblings (if they care to know) and after that move on with your life. She's not worth it..

Khez:
Smh..... Capital city indeed, i bet you'd see such too in cape town....... Ndi ara

Its Gwarinpa Estate in Abuja with lots of surrounding vegetation. Fulani's live in neighbouring villages.Less than 5km from the said location.

Well I doubt if that can happen in Abuja city. The location is Gwarinpa Estate.. That building is Drumstix in Gwarinpa.

Please what about Peugeot 206? Do you have any?

This one na Mansini

Mumu story

Ebu moto

OP i begs u pls donts continues this ur storys because u wants to kills us with ur english (make I add "s" ?) ok na.. englishes..

How much sir?

sean247:
This might help.. https://www.nairaland.com/2436499/how-make-residual-income-binary

Thanx bro.. I'm following it

lifeofkelvino:
Try babypips com or maybe call me 08061324128............i have a strategy that work.... 75%..... I can also link u to the person who sold it to me..... It's working like fire

Thanks bro. Wil call u soon

Hi Guys,

I have always wanted another source of income so I came across Binary Options Trading. I decided to give it a shot using CTOptions as my broker. They were on my neck as soon as I opened a demo account to open a real account. I was assured that I would get help as soon as I make a deposit because I told them I didn't know how to trade. I made a deposit of $300 and the assistance never came so I began to trade by myself. To cut the long story short, I lost my all investment.

I then learnt from other traders that CTOptions are not reliable, they sometimes manipulate trades and you loose out trades especially for short terms.

I have done so much research on Binary Options Trading and I have read many success stories so I want to try it out again.
How do I go about it so as not to loose money again?
Can someone recommend a very good broker and more importantly a strategy that works with upto 85% or more accuracy?

Thanks and looking forward to hearing from you.

chronique:
I'm sorry if my post has offended you or any other muslim but this has everything to do with islam as a religion,as being practised by these folks. I need not remind you how this started,and how they have always hinged their actions on a portion of the quran. World over as at today,all terrorist activities are being carried out by groups of islamic fundamentalists. Islam is a religion of peace as I have heard but where is the peace? Everyday we wake up to the news of boko killings,and retire to bed with same news;isn't this pathetic? I know there are good muslims outhere,but these ones(boko haram) haven't helped us in having a positive image of islam.

I would still repeat that ISLAM has nothing to do with this! These people are not Islamic fundamentalists. They are terrorists. The moment we begin to realise that Boko Haram group is a terrorist group and NOT an islamic sect the better it will be for the unity of this nation. What BH does is totally unislamic and that is why I said Islam has nothing to to do with such terrorist attack.
Its unfortunate that BH claims to fight in the name of Islam but isnt it glaring to all of us that the attacks are unislamic?
Islam preaches peace and Islam frowns at innocent attacks..
BH is a terrorist group and there is nothing islamic about that.

chronique:
*screaming Jesus and almost shedding tears as I go through this thread*. Islam is a cursed religion. Look at how lives are being wasted anyhow? Lord have mercy on your creations. There's too much blood-shed in the land.

Why do you have to attack Islam? You are just being so unreasonable!
ISLAM has absolutely nothing to do with this!

lollystiver:
somebody pls show me the way how can just three glass of cup give us 24 mathematics no go kill person

Quantity in litres buddy.
Glass cup- 8 litres each
Red cup - 17 litres
Blue cup - 6 litres.

Hope u understand now

SuperSuave:
I was born a Christian and nothing would ever make me leave Christianity. These things just confuses me all the time

Are you afraid to know the truth? Is your mind too weak to reason? Are you a christian because you want to be a christian whether the foundation on which christianity stands is weak or not?

Wake up man!

mactoni91:
1. God is satisfied with his works
Gen 1:31
God is dissatisfied with his works.
Gen 6:6
2. God dwells in chosen temples
2 Chron 7:12,16 God dwells not in temples
Acts 7:48
3. God dwells in light
Tim 6:16
God dwells in darkness
1 Kings 8:12/ Ps 18:11/ Ps 97:2 4. God is seen and heard
Ex 33:23/ Ex 33:11/ Gen 3:9,10/
Gen 32:30/ Is 6:1/
Ex 24:9-11
God is invisible and cannot be
heard John 1:18/ John 5:37/ Ex 33:20/
1 Tim 6:16
5. God is tired and rests
Ex 31:17
God is never tired and never rests
Is 40:28 6. God is everywhere present, sees
and knows all things
Prov 15:3/ Ps 139:7-10/ Job
34:22,21
God is not everywhere present,
neither sees nor knows all things
Gen 11:5/ Gen 18:20,21/ Gen 3:8
7. God knows the hearts of men
Acts 1:24/ Ps 139:2,3
God tries men to find out what is in
their heart Deut 13:3/ Deut 8:2/ Gen 22:12
8. God is all powerful
Jer 32:27/ Matt 19:26
God is not all powerful
Judg 1:19
9. God is unchangeable James 1:17/ Mal 3:6/ Ezek 24:14/
Num 23:19
God is changeable
Gen 6:6/ Jonah 3:10/ 1 Sam
2:30,31/ 2 Kings 20:1,4,5,6/
Ex 33:1,3,17,14 10. God is just and impartial
Ps 92:15/ Gen 18:25/ Deut 32:4/
Rom 2:11/ Ezek 18:25
God is unjust and partial
Gen 9:25/ Ex 20:5/ Rom
9:11-13/ Matt 13:12 11. God is the author of evil
Lam 3:38/ Jer 18:11/ Is 45:7/
Amos 3:6/ Ezek 20:25
God is not the author of evil
1 Cor 14:33/ Deut 32:4/ James
1:13 12. God gives freely to those who
ask
James 1:5/ Luke 11:10
God withholds his blessings and
prevents men from receiving
them John 12:40/ Josh 11:20/ Is
63:17
13. God is to be found by those
who seek him
Matt 7:8/ Prov 8:17
God is not to be found by those who seek him
Prov 1:28
14. God is warlike
Ex 15:3/ Is 51:15
God is peaceful
Rom 15:33/ 1 Cor 14:33 15. God is cruel, unmerciful,
destructive, and ferocious
Jer 13:14/ Deut 7:16/ 1 Sam
15:2,3/ 1 Sam 6:19
God is kind, merciful, and good
James 5:11/ Lam 3:33/ 1 Chron 16:34/ Ezek 18:32/ Ps 145:9/
1 Tim 2:4/ 1 John 4:16/ Ps 25:8
16. God's anger is fierce and
endures long
Num 32:13/ Num 25:4/ Jer 17:4
God's anger is slow and endures but for a minute
Ps 103:8/ Ps 30:5
17. God commands, approves of,
and delights in burnt offerings,
sacrifices ,and holy days
Ex 29:36/ Lev 23:27/ Ex 29:18/ Lev 1:9
God disapproves of and has no
pleasure in burnt offerings,
sacrifices, and holy days.
Jer 7:22/ Jer 6:20/ Ps 50:13,4/ Is
1:13,11,12 18. God accepts human sacrifices
2 Sam 21:8,9,14/ Gen 22:2/ Judg
11:30-32,34,38,39
God forbids human sacrifice
Deut 12:30,31
19. God tempts men Gen 22:1/ 2 Sam 24:1/ Jer 20:7/
Matt 6:13
God tempts no man
James 1:13
20. God cannot lie
Heb 6:18 God lies by proxy; he sends forth
lying spirits t deceive
2 Thes 2:11/ 1 Kings 22:23/ Ezek
14:9
21. Because of man's wickedness
God destroys him Gen 6:5,7
Because of man's wickedness
God will not destroy him
Gen 8:21
22. God's attributes are revealed in
his works. Rom 1:20
God's attributes cannot be
discovered
Job 11:7/ Is 40:28
23. There is but one God
Deut 6:4 There is a plurality of gods
Gen 1:26/ Gen 3:22/ Gen 18:1-3/
1 John 5:7 Moral Precepts 24. Robbery commanded
Ex 3:21,22/ Ex 12:35,36
Robbery forbidden
Lev 19:13/ Ex 20:15
25. Lying approved and sanctioned
Josh 2:4-6/ James 2:25/ Ex 1:18-20/ 1 Kings 22:21,22
Lying forbidden
Ex 20:16/ Prov 12:22/ Rev 21:8
26. Hatred to the Edomite
sanctioned
2 Kings 14:7,3 Hatred to the Edomite forbidden
Deut 23:7
27. Killing commanded
Ex 32:27
Killing forbidden
Ex 20:13 28. The blood-shedder must die
Gen 9:5,6
The blood-shedder must not die
Gen 4:15
29. The making of images
forbidden Ex 20:4
The making of images
commanded
Ex 25:18,20
30. Slavery and oppression
ordained Gen 9:25/ Lev 25:45,46/ Joel 3:8
Slavery and oppression forbidden
Is 58:6/ Ex 22:21/ Ex 21:16/ Matt
23:10
31. Improvidence enjoyed
Matt 6:28,31,34/ Luke 6:30,35/ Luke 12:3
Improvidence condemned
1 Tim 5:8/ Prov 13:22
32. Anger approved
Eph 4:26
Anger disapproved Eccl 7:9/ Prov 22:24/ James 1:20
33. Good works to be seen of men
Matt 5:16
Good works not to be seen of
men
Matt 6:1 34. Judging of others forbidden
Matt 7:1,2
Judging of others approved
1 Cor 6:2-4/ 1 Cor 5:12
35. Christ taught non-resistance
Matt 5:39/ Matt 26:52 Christ taught and practiced
physical resistance
Luke 22:36/ John 2:15
36. Christ warned his followers not
to fear being killed
Luke 12:4 Christ himself avoided the Jews
for fear of being killed
John 7:1
37. Public prayer sanctioned
1 Kings 8:22,54, 9:3
Public prayer disapproved Matt 6:5,6
38. Importunity in prayer
commended
Luke 18:5,7
Importunity in prayer condemned
Matt 6:7,8 39. The wearing of long hair by
men sanctioned
Judg 13:5/ Num 6:5
The wearing of long hair by men
condemned
1 Cor 11:14 40. Circumcision instituted
Gen 17:10
Circumcision condemned
Gal 5:2
41. The Sabbath instituted
Ex 20:8 The Sabbath repudiated
Is 1:13/ Rom 14:5/ Col 2:16
42. The Sabbath instituted because
God rested on the seventh day
Ex 20:11
The Sabbath instituted because God brought the Israelites
out of Egypt
Deut 5:15
43. No work to be done on the
Sabbath under penalty of death
Ex 31:15/ Num 15:32,36 Jesus Christ broke the Sabbath
and justified his disciples in
the same
John 5:16/ Matt 12:1-3,5
44. Baptism commanded
Matt 28:19 Baptism not commanded
1 Cor 1:17,14
45. Every kind of animal allowed for
food.
Gen 9:3/ 1 Cor 10:25/ Rom 14:14
Certain kinds of animals prohibited for food.
Deut 14:7,8
46. Taking of oaths sanctioned
Num 30:2/ Gen 21:23-24,31/
Gen 31:53/ Heb 6:13
Taking of oaths forbidden Matt 5:34
47. Marriage approved
Gen 2:18/ Gen 1:28/ Matt 19:5/
Heb 13:4
Marriage disapproved
1 Cor 7:1/ 1 Cor 7:7,8 48. Freedom of divorce permitted
Deut 24:1/ Deut 21:10,11,14
Divorce restricted
Matt 5:32
49. Adultery forbidden
Ex 20:14/ Heb 13:4 Adultery allowed
Num 31:18/ Hos 1:2; 2:1-3
50. Marriage or cohabitation with a
sister denounced
Deut 27:22/ Lev 20:17
Abraham married his sister and God blessed the union
Gen 20:11,12/ Gen 17:16
51. A man may marry his brother's
widow
Deut 25:5
A man may not marry his brother's widow
Lev 20:21
52. Hatred to kindred enjoined
Luke 14:26
Hatred to kindred condemned
Eph 6:2/ Eph 5:25,29 53. Intoxicating beverages
recommended
Prov 31:6,7/ 1 Tim 5:23/ Ps
104:15
Intoxicating beverages
discountenanced Prov 20:1/ Prov 23:31,32
54. It is our duty to obey our rulers,
who are God's ministers
and punish evil doers only
Rom 13:1-3,6
It is not our duty to obey rulers, who sometimes punish the
good and receive unto
themselves damnation therefor
Ex 1:17,20/ Dan 3:16,18/ Dan
6:9,7,10/ Acts 4:26,27/
Mark 12:38,39,40/ Luke 23:11,24,33,35
55. Women's rights denied
Gen 3:16/ 1 Tim 2:12/ 1 Cor
14:34/ 1 Pet 3:6
Women's rights affirmed
Judg 4:4,14,15/ Judg 5:7/ Acts 2:18/ Acts 21:9
56. Obedience to masters enjoined
Col 3:22,23/ 1 Pet 2:18
Obedience due to God only
Matt 4:10/ 1 Cor 7:23/ Matt 23:10
57. There is an unpardonable sin Mark 3:29
There is not unpardonable sin
Acts 13:39 Historical Facts 58. Man was created after the other
animals
Gen 1:25,26,27
Man was created before the other
animals
Gen 2:18,19 59. Seed time and harvest were
never to cease
Gen 8:22
Seed time and harvest did cease
for seven years
Gen 41:54,56/ Gen 45:6 60. God hardened Pharaoh's heart
Ex 4:21/ Ed 9:12
Pharaoh hardened his own heart
Ex 8:15
61. All the cattle and horses in Egypt
died Ex 9:3,6/ 14:9
All the horses of Egypt did not die
Ex 14:9
62. Moses feared Pharaoh
Ex 2:14,15,23; 4:19
Moses did not fear Pharaoh Heb 11:27
63. There died of the plague
twenty-four thousand
Num 25:9
There died of the plague but
twenty-three thousand 1 Cor 10:8
64. John the Baptist was Elias
Matt 11:14
John the Baptist was not Elias
John 1:21
65. The father of Joseph, Mary's husband was Jacob
Matt 1:16
The father of Mary's husband was
Heli
Luke 3:23
66. The father of Salah was Arphaxad
Gen 11:12
The father of Salah was Cainan
Luke 3:35,36
67. There were fourteen
generations from Abraham to David Matt 1:17
There were but thirteen
generations from Abraham to David
Matt 1:2-6
68. There were fourteen
generations from the Babylonian captivity
to Christ.
Matt 1:17
There were but thirteen
generations from the Babylonian
captivity to Christ Matt 1:12-16
69. The infant Christ was taken into
Egypt
Matt 2:14,15,19,21,23
The infant Christ was not taken
into Egypt Luke 2:22, 39
70. Christ was tempted in the
wilderness
Mark 1:12,13
Christ was not tempted in the
wilderness John 2:1,2
71. Christ preached his first sermon
on the mount
Matt 5:1,2
Christ preached his first sermon
on the plain Luke 6:17,20
72. John was in prison when Jesus
went into Galilee
Mark 1:14
John was not in prison when
Jesus went into Galilee John 1:43/ John 3:22-24
73. Christ's disciples were
commanded to go forth with a staff
and sandals
Mark 6:8,9
Christ's disciples were commanded to go forth with neither
staffs nor sandals.
Matt 10:9,10
74. A woman of Canaan besought
Jesus
Matt 15:22 It was a Greek woman who
besought Him
Mark 7:26
75. Two blind men besought Jesus
Matt 20:30
Only one blind man besought Him Luke 18:35,38
76. Christ was crucified at the third
hour
Mark 15:25
Christ was not crucified until the
sixth hour John 19:14,15
77. The two thieves reviled Christ.
Matt 27:44/ Mark 15:32
Only one of the thieves reviled
Christ
Luke 23:39,40 78. Satan entered into Judas while
at supper
John 13:27
Satan entered into him before the
supper
Luke 22:3,4,7 79. Judas committed suicide by
hanging
Matt 27:5
Judas did not hang himself, but
died another way
Acts 1:18 80. The potter's field was purchased
by Judas
Acts 1:18
The potter's field was purchased
by the Chief Priests
Matt 27:6,7 81. There was but one woman who
came to the sepulchre
John 20:1
There were two women who
came to the sepulchre
Matt 28:1 82. There were three women who
came to the sepulchre
Mark 16:1
There were more than three
women who came to the sepulchre
Luke 24:10 83. It was at sunrise when they
came to the sepulchre
Mark 16:2
It was some time before sunrise
when they came.
John 20:1 84. There were two angels seen by
the women at the sepulchre, and
they were standing up.
Luke 24:4
There was but one angel seen,
and he was sitting down. Matt 28:2,5
85. There were two angels seen
within the sepulchre.
John 20:11,12
There was but one angel seen
within the sepulchre Mark 16:5
86. Christ was to be three days and
three nights in the grave
Matt 12:40
Christ was but two days and two
nights in the grave Mark 15:25,42,44,45,46; 16:9>
87. Holy ghost bestowed at
pentecost
Acts 1:8,5
Holy ghost bestowed before
pentecost John 20:22
88. The disciples were commanded
immediately after the
resurrection to go into Galilee
Matt 28:10
The disciples were commanded immediately after the
resurrection to go tarry at
Jerusalem
Luke 24:49
89. Jesus first appeared to the
eleven disciples in a room at Jerusalem
Luke 24:33,36,37/ John 20:19
Jesus first appeared to the eleven
on a mountain in Galilee
Matt 28:16,17
90. Christ ascended from Mount Olivet
Acts 1:9,12
Christ ascended from Bethany
Luke 24:50,51
91. Paul's attendants heard the
miraculous voice, and stood speechless
Acts 9:7
Paul's attendants heard not the
voice and were prostrate
Acts 26:14
92. Abraham departed to go into Canaan
Gen 12:5
Abraham went not knowing
where
Heb 11:8
93. Abraham had two sons Gal 4:22
Abraham had but one son
Heb 11:17
94. Keturah was Abraham's wife
Gen 25:1
Keturah was Abraham's concubine
1 Chron 1:32
95. Abraham begat a son when he
was a hundred years old, by the
interposition of Providence
Gen 21:2/ Rom 4:19/ Heb 11:12 Abraham begat six children more
after he was a hundred years
old without any interposition of
providence
Gen 25:1,2

What I expect from Christians is to come and explain why we have the above contradictions. Unfortunately they cannot explain it themselves. Most of them are so deluded and the ONLY way out for them is to say "it takes some Holy Spirit to make you understand the Bible".

The fact is that most christians are afraid to reason and analyse.. They prefer not to know how contradictory the Bible is.. I feel for them.. A religion they have been practicing all their life and someone brings facts to show how weak the foundation is.. That is suicidal!

This is what a guy wrote to a systems analyst (Marriage Software Division):

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my Program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. but this wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other Programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite Applications. Be it online or offline. I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but Uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?


... AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic cms understanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current Platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once it is installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 as an upgrade but have ended up with even more problems.

With Wife 1.0, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can when any faults or problems occur.

Whatever you think has caused them, just run the......... C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal. Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating out without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported application. For Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

Thank you. Please feel free to contact us for additional assistance or download our Marriage Auto - troubleshooter 5.0.0 product.

Good luck!

My dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address.

Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice.

It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet. I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is notallowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea
after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love Mom.

P.S : Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized,I had already sealed off this letter.
********************************

This is just for Laughs.. Have a wonderful Sunday.


Boss: Where were you born?
Philemon: Zimbabwe .
Boss: which part?
Philemon: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in Zimbabwe




Philemon and his friend were fixing a bomb in a car.
Friend: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Philemon: Don't worry, I have one more.


Philemon: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but it starts with 'T'.
Philemon: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know
start with petrol.



Philemon joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer. Boss was happy and asked what Philemon did till evening.
Philemon: Keyboard letters were not in Alphabetical order, so I made it
alright.



Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken.
Philemon: Thank God! I thought it was a new one.



At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my
hand, oh!
Philemon: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his
head. Is he crying?



Philemon: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Philemon: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'Radio
Zimbabwe !



In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Philemon: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Philemon: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Philemon: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Philemon: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.



Philemon: "You know somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today. They left a note on my windscreen, it said, ' parking fine' So
that was nice!"

FORMER military administrator of Kaduna State Colonel Hamid Ibrahim Alli is being touted as the next chairman of the Economic and Financial crimes Commission (EFCC) according to All Progressives Congress (APC) sources.

Col Alli, 60, who is originally from, Kano State, was the Kaduna State military governor between August 1996 and August 1998 during the Sani Abacha regime. Currently the chief of staff to President Muhammadu Buhari, Col Alli later became the secretary of the Arewa Consultative Forum after retiring from the Nigerian Army.

Blue-blooded, Col Alli was a die-hard IBB boy who is reputed to have said he would follow General Ibrahim Babangida to war blindfolded. However, after Babangida annulled the June 12 1993 elections, they fell out, with him telling his principal that he was wrong, pointing out that Abiola should be sworn-in as president even if he was the devil.

Rumour has it that Col Alli would have been executed by General Abacha if not for the fact that he was blue-blood. He left the army and government unceremoniously without money or scandal and according to reports, he is into poultry farming and still drives a 504 Peugeot saloon car.

Apparently, Colonel Ali is currently undergoing State Security Service screening in preparation for his appointment. According to insiders, immediately there were feelers that he will emerge the next EFCC chairman, corrupt politicians went into panic, with some of them returning stolen funds.

President Buhari has made the fight against corruption the centrepiece of his policies and as such, whoever he appoints as EFCC chairman will be a key figure in his government. Whoever is EFCC chairman will be responsible for recovering the billions of missing dollars said to have disappeared from Nigeria's oil earnings.

Source: http://www.nigerianwatch.com/news/7060-former-acf-secretary-general-col-hamid-alli-favourite-to-become-next-efcc-chairman

xest:
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Eyyah

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(11-1) +(13-3)+(15-5)=30

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1. No instructions that subtractions/additions can not be done between the integers.

2. The question considers using only the integers listed. So long as they are in brackets

3. I am absolutely right!