₦airaland Forum

Well for me, I would prefer two salary's, but not to the point where I would use someone to achieve it.

Nairalanders,

During an office discussion concerning the economy, one of my co-workers said that she was recently forced to date a man that had been pursuing her for years, but she was never really interested in him before. She changed her mind and moved in with him because of the economy.

She said that everytime she tries to save money, something will pop up like an unexpected bill and kick her back to square one again.

So I ask, do you think it is more ideal to make it on your own as a single person as long as you manage your money well, or is a two person household necessary in these times? Would you settle for just anyone to make ends meet?

Do you have a favorite child if you are a parent?

As a child did you feel that your parents had a favorite out of you and your siblings?

This is another topic I took from the radio.

@ Vladislav

Were the heartbreaks from Nigerian Women?

sacrifice

What did you think of the Obama's first dance?

@deetheboy - how long are you willing to wait

they were married here in the states. No church wedding, just court wedding.

They don't live together. But I told her she should go over during the week and cook for him, and not just expect him to take her out on the weekends.

Like I said it was initially for papers, but they are in love.

I told her he might be observing her to see if he really wants to take it to the next level.

I am trying to advise her, but I don't know what else to say, except to cook and clean. (Show him some of your skills).

I need advice on what to suggest to her.

I honestly believe it is because she hasn't proven to him that she is wife/mother material. She does not cook, or clean.

She complains that she only sees him on the weekend, but I told her that he would see her more if she became more domestic.

She is 37. I think he is 34.

They are married - initially for papers. But now they are dating seriously.

Would you wait until your forties to have your first child if you boyfriend wanted to get himself together "financially" first?

What if she waits and they breakup in the meantime? That means she would have waited for nothing.

I personally think your forties is too late - is it me?

@ Davidlyan - Please elaborate.

I always respect your opinions.

A guest called into the Michael Baisden show this week and said that the reason she has to be so bossy and independent in her relationship is because her man does not step up to the plate and take the lead. She said that she feels like she has to wear both the pants and the skirt in the relationship.

Someone else called in and said that his sister usually picks weak men to date also, but that her relationships never lasts because she gets bored with those weak minded men as well.

The host of the show was actually trying to convince women that they would get more out of their relationships if they were submissive instead of being bossy and too independent. ALL of the bossy women said that they had no choice but to be bossy because the men were so weak.

@btrue -

Questions - Have you ever spoken with the family on the phone?

In what way did he deny you the rights to get to know his family?

And women, do you feel like your man is weak if he allows you to be too independent in the relationship?

@ iice

Do you really feel that it is rare

I agree with your points.

I'm told by one of my close friends that in Nigeria the main focus of marriage is to procreate. She said that it is considered a waste to marry for love or companionship like some do here in the US.

We ventured into this topic because of the fact that my cousin is getting married next year with a HUGE wedding. She has 1 child. Her fiance has two that live with their mother. They have no plans to have children together.

She said that a Nigerian family would NEVER acknowledge my cousin as an in-law unless she was able to produce children during the marriage. When I asked about marrying for love and companionship, she thought that was the biggest joke!

@ Don_Ese

Is there really no way to do a background check on someone in Naija?

How should the meeting take place?

Invite them over, or take everyone out to dinner?

@ Don_Ese

Funny how you hit on EXACTLY the same points that were part of the debate. I think your response was excellent!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

This debate has come up in my office. How long should you wait before introducing your children to your significant other? Also, by what method should the meeting take place?


Let's give the children an age - say 10 and 13.

I totally respect the fact that you are trying to solve the problem ahead of time instead of cheating on her.

In my opinion your problem is more about the communicatin issue than that of her telling her girlfriends what is going on. As women we do share our plight with our friends (I guess it's a healing process).

Just assure her that no matter how upset or angry you may get about the conversation, she still needs to let you know when there is a problem. Let her know that this is the only way to allow the relationship to grow. Once the bumps and kinks have been worked out, it should be smooth sailing thereafter.

Be careful what you wish for. If you try to coherce him into the marriage you may regret it in the long run. After a while, if he chooses to he will dish out anything and expect you to take it because you were the one who wanted to get married so badly.

I think your best bet is to continue dating him, while showing him your best self. Don't voice it to him, but give yourself a timeframe and if he has not asked you by then, just move on. Make sure the timeframe is reasonable enough so that he can measure your true personality.

Congratulations to Obama and his lovely family. My chest swells with pride, and I am feeling a little taller today!!!