₦airaland Forum

Its funny how black men love to chase all types of women, but get uspet just b/c a FEW black women marry non-black men. I also do agree with the poster than when black women marry out they tend to have MUCH better taste. Unless the black man is wealthy, he usually cannot get a decent looking non-black wife. African men love any woman who is not black. Just more hypocritical double standards when it comes to interracial relationships. I know many Nigerian men married to black americans and other american women. I actually rare see african women with non-black men. If black men choose a non-black women, that is less black/african men out there for us so we just have to marry another man of another race we love.

These pictures are beautiful, but I personally prefer that cultural compatibility in marriage. I am attracted to all types of men, but at the end of the day I think I will end up with an african guy.

@ tpia: I thought you only liked dark skinned african men. have you had a change of heart now?

No you don't have to "date". However, you should have several meetings with the guy in person and discuss issues important in a marriage to both of you and what you are both looking for in a spouse. If you like each other, get your family involved and get their input about him. Also, do a background check on him and ask around about him. Marry a guy you are comptatible with and like. You still have to have some type of attraction for him, but you don't need to be "in love." It is better to find out about the person before any feelings develop so that your judgement is clouded my emotions and you can make a more rational choice. I believe love GROWS after marriage when you live under the same roof and experience things together. Also, that is the only way you can really know someone's true colors. Choose a husband based on practicality and compatibility. You want someone you can spend a lifetime with. I am still for the traditional way of courtship.

Yes, I notice this too, especially in the threads talking about foreign women. I don't think nairaland is reflective of nigerian men in real life.

I didn't say not to be friends or even marry out of your race. All I was wondering why do black men all of a sudden don't see color when they become rich? I find it hard to believe it is just coincidence. I feel like a white woman seems like an upgrade in their eyes. So it just HAPPENS that when a black man gets rich he falls in love with women who just happen to not be black. I think not. Oh Senegal's presidents just happened to have white wives and a black country just happened to have ALL white first ladies. Please. Like I said, you all need to take off your rose colored glasses. Love DOES see color.

Well stop trying to be Dr. Phil Maclatunji.

I am not surprised that the guy is muslim. Muslims guys always love to mess around with Christian girls because they THINK that they are easier to bed. I am a muslim girl and I would advise Christian girls to not get involved with muslim men. Most just sleep with and date Christian girls, but when it comes time to settle down, he will marry a muslim girl that his family will approve of. For those that do end up getting married, it doesn't turn out well. Well that is in MY esperience. You can be friends with all types of people, but when it comes to marriage and sharing your life together, it can lead to a lot of problems if you don't have that common ground. People let so-called "love" bind them. Dating is fun and romance, but marriage is reality especially when the kids come. That is where the problems start. You never know someone 100% until you live with them. Having 2 different religions under one roof can cause too many clashes and confusion for the kids. People need to look at COMPATIBILITY in marriage as love can fade. Love AND compatibility is necessary for a marriage to work. You need something to keep you together during rocky times of your marriage. This fairy tale love leads people to make the wrong decisions. As women we don't have years to waste on 1 guy. We have a biological clock that ticks fast.

Why do people get themselves involved in such situations? Why get into a relationship with someone you know you can't have a future with? 3 years if a waste of time to be with a man with no prospect of marriage. You can CHOOSE who to fall in love with. There is no such thing as love at first sight, there is LUST at first sight.

No dayokanu, I was talking marrying nonblacks not blacks of different shades. I see you want my attention too. Btw, didn't Jim Ike and Rita Dominic date in real life. She is my fav actor.

@ maclatunji: Why are you convinced that I have some personal experience with this? Like I said, why does it have to be personal? I am just bringing to light this FACT that everybody in the world notices.

I wasn't criticizing Malcolm X or saying he was not truly black. I love Malcolm X. I was talking about how racism is not always about race, but SKIN COLOR, especially outside of the western world. Light skinned blacks are no less black than dark skinned blacks. Don't twist my words please.

@ Mogunremi: Yes some Africans are tribalist against other africans just like some Eastern Europeans have issues with each other (remember the ethnic cleanssing in Kosovo?). Anyway,I am not tribalist. Actually Europeans were major instigaators in tribalism when they were using their divide and conquer tactics during colonial rule, but I blame Africans for not being smart enough to free themselves from that backwards mindset and even allowing the Europeans to divide them.

@ maclatunji:

A lot of african muslims who go to hajj of all places complain about the racism they get from Arabs. Malcolm X was light skinned. A black person like say Obama's complexion and one of Wesley Snipes complexion are not going to get the same treatment.

@ mogunremi:

What is your definition of integrating into the community which you say UK Africans do unlike other minorities? What do those other minorities do that is diferent and who are those other minorities?

What does me living in the U.S. have to do with anything? Didn't whites/Europeans come to Africa and colonize us? They took advantage of the resources and everything else they could get in Africa. So why can't I come here to get an education and take my skills back with me?

I think we are going to stay bottom of the barrel people as long as blacks stay in denial.

@ mogunremi:

Who said I lived in Nigeria. I live in the U.S. I did not say anything about whites having money. I was talking about rich black men marrying white women. You missed the whole point. Don't take it personal. I know NOT ALL interracial relationships are due to an inferiority complex, but many are.

I agree that black people getting educated and doing other things to better themselves will help them move up. However, when they do reach that success, it is all lost if they marry a nonblack and have mixed kids. It is not just about getting success and money, but KEEPING it. The majority of the cream of the crop black people both men and women, tend to marry nonblacks TRANSFERRING all their wealth to them. Family is what makes a community grow. It is the foundation. A successful black man and black woman making a black family increases the number of wealthy blacks on the world and creates a generation of successful blacks. When a black man makes success and marries a white woman, when he dies his estate is transferred to her and her mixed kids who may or may not marry blacks. Abdoulaye Wade's wife is white and has a half white son. Now that son married a white woman so now his grandkids are practically white.

Also I didn't say ANY black man who married a nonblack woman is a hypocrite. I am taling about the black activists, pro-blacks, and pan africans who marry nonblacks. Is isn't it awkward that the MAJORITY of these men who promote black consciousness and black economic power and unity have white wives and half white families instead. That is just going to turn the next generaton of black people into biracials. How is that promoting black success?

Anyway, the reason why I made this post is not even to condemn interracial relationships as I don't think the world should be divided like that, but I am pointing out the inferiority complex a lot of black men in regards to skin color and race. All these black men marrying white women is not about following your heart, but a PATTERN of colonial and slave mentality that lighter is better. Why is this phenomenon ONLY with black men? Most successful menof other races marry their own despite being surrounded by many beautiful women of all races.

You need to take off your rose colored glasses and look at the world realistically. Interracial love especially that inluding blacks is A LOT of the time not about "love" or any of that Romeo and Juliet nonsense. It is due to an inferiority complex. A lot of black people are in denial about this.

How does Malcolm X support your positions? I read his book and it is more in line with what I am saying. He was also one of the few non-hypocritical black activist men that actually married a black woman and had black children.

I also think yo should watch this video.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8TsnaOAPT8

Lol...I am not on a mission to stop black men from marrying white women. I am jut bringing up this topic that I and everybody else in the world can see for discussion. I cannot control what people do. Also, your white princess will find you amongst the crowd as well no matter what I say so no need to worry either. Oh and I am not bent on only finding a black man. I am going to go for whoever makes me happy and gives me love and respect and all the other good qualities of a husband whether is is black or not. Being from the same background will only be a plus as it gives us more common ground, but it will not be a deciding factor. I don't have that thinking any more that I just have to marry a black man. I am open to having a non-black spouse and mixed kids. Black men don't make black women 1st choice for mates so why should I make black men 1st choice. . Most would not choose a black woman if they have the option other women. If I found a great black man I would happily marry him, but if he was not black, I would as well.

Why is it not realistic maclatunji? WHAT is not realistic exactly? You failed explain that.

Of course there are a few EXCEPTIONS like Obama. Plus, he is not only black but biracial. He is just as much white as he is black.

If a black man of any economic status wants to marry any woman he wants, he can. Nobody is saying he can't, but you cannot deny the implications of certain things. If a black man wants to transfer his wealth and success to foreign people who wouldn't have given a damn about him anyway were it not for his money, then he can go ahead. Just don't complain about racism from them when you are overlooking your own women to be with them.

@ the poster who said that women are generally fairer. That is a moot point. There is barely much of a difference among skin tone between men and womenof the same race. You can find many black women that are darker than some black men and vice versa. Also, women use a lot of lightening and brightening creams that men don't use. Plus, even though worldwide wide men prefer fair skin, the difference between black men and other races is that those men prefer fair skin among their OWN women and they still marry their own women and don't put others above them.

I notice that many black men cannot date a nonblack woman without getting defensive about it or without giving a reason about something being wrong with black women. That shows there is a problem. They usually don't say I am with X woman b/c I love her fot this and that. No, it is usually b/c black women are this and that. I think there would be much less opposition from black women if black men could date whoever they wanted without insulting black women. This is the difference between them and men of other races. Whether they are with a woman of their own background or not, they rarely will insult them or disrespect them. I have seen many threads on here about other women and Nigerian men cannot say why they like those women without insulting Nigerian women. Many black men seem to choose a nonblack woman out of disdain for black women instead of just choosing that woman b/c she was the one they loved regardless of her race. You cannot deny that many black men put nonblack women on a pedestal and it seen as a status symbol to have one on their arm when they reach success. To them a black woman is not deserving to be his wife, mother of his children (many do not want dark kids), and a life of comfort. They claim we are gold diggers as if other woman do not want a man who can provide a life of comfort for them. Please.

People are really downplaying the power marriage has. Why do you think many wealthy Asian, Arab and white families like to marry among their own? Marriage is where families are built and they are the foundation of any society. Blacks always share the money with others. Wealthy blacks transfer their money to nonblacks through marriage. How many black families are there that have wealth lasting through generations?

Oh and one poster said whites don't care who their children marry? Really? With the exception of poor whites, you think elite white families like the Trumps, Johnson & Johnson, Ford, Rockefeller, the Royal family n England would not bat an eye if one of their children decides to marry a black person? Seriously? They would want their children to marry another wealthy WHITE person.

My thread just confirmed what I already knew. Many black folks are in denial. Yes, personal decisions do affect your community as a whole. Oh but wait, when did black men give a damn about the black community. It is no wonder why we are bottom of the barrel people.

And instead of attacking women like Oluchi, think to yourself first. Remeber the question I asked that the black men here conveniently dodged: HOW MANY BLACK MEN ON THEIR LEVEL WOULD CHOOSE TO MARRY WOMEN OF THEIR DARK COMPLEXIONS? Maybe it is only white men that are chasing them. How many black men would want Oluchi if given the options of the lighter skinned type women. Many black men on their economic level have the option of many different women due to their wealth.

Exactly tpia. I am just stating an opinion. Whether they like to hear what I have to say or not, it is not going to have any affect on who they marry. But you know the truth hurts and people don't like to hear it. It is obvious that black men are the ONLY race of men who put other women on a pedestal above those their share the same background with.

I just found this post online, which echoed a lot of the stuff I was saying. People notice this pattern amongst black men, which is why it frequently comes up for discussion. I don't hear such things about other races of men.

This blogger tells black women to stop being so loyal to black men as many are hypoccrites. I don't completely agree with her as I don't think it should be a retaliation game as you should GENUINELY love whoever makes you happy, but I put this link as she lists many pan africanist men with white wives and points out the hypocrisy.

http://dateawhiteguy..com/2010/01/whose-zooming-who.html

@ maclatunji: Are you in a relationship with a nonblack woman or are interested on one? Maybe it is personal for YOU. I am looking at this as a WHOLE, not on an individual level as tpia said. If you happen to be in such a relationship, don't take it as a personal attack against you as I don't know you. We are all strangers on the net. I notice black men get very defensive when it comes to defending their right to be with white women or nonblack women in general. You can, no one is stopping you, but you can't control what people think. People do notice these patterns with black men and some will say it whether you like it or not.

@ maclatunji:

So a mixed marriage cannot be unahappy? That is a moot point as there is no proof that a mixed marriage is happier than a same race marriage. A mixed marriage adds more potential problems as there is less common ground between the couples.

Why does it have to be personal? Everybody in the world can see this.

Also, for the poster who was saying I am targeting the men, I did say black women do it as well, but it is far more prevalent to see a black man with a nonblack partner. It is MEN who CHASE women. It is not black women chasing white men, but there are black men chasing nonblack women. For those black successful women, how many black men at their similar level of economic success are chasing a woman of their complexion? Maybe they have no choice, but to go to white men. If you notice, usually MOST if not all of those black models and such with white men are very dark complexioned, which most black men of a similar stature would not be seen with on their arm. Let's be real. That is why I am focusing on men.

Btw, I was watching Senegal's election and happy to see their finally have their own black senegalese first lady after the previous presidents had white French wives (with one a Lebanese wife). How pathethic that a black country after so long couldn't have a woman from their own nation and people represent them. Do you think a white european president will marry a black woman or even non-white and install her as first lady of a European country? Hell to the no.

I am not saying black men cannot marry whoever they want, but I can speak what I feel. You can't help but notice this PATTERN with black men. I am just stating an observation that I and everybody with half a brain can see.

@ malatunji:

Why is it not realistic? Why is it that other successful men of other races are able to overwhelmingly marry their own despite being able to marry beautiful women of other races if they wanted. They will sleep with them, but will MARRY and pass their wealth and assets to a wife and children of his own race. How about the Indian men in africa always get an Indian wife despite being surrounded by many african women. Same applies to Lebanese men. Even the few who do marry african women sometimes get a Lebanese wife eventually. A lot of them just marry african women to get connections with african families to advance their business interests. They would never let a Lebanese woman with a black man so what does that say about how they really feel about black people? Maybe they appreciate the beauty in their women more and put them FIRST. Black men think more with their member between their legs instead of their brain like other men. There are plenty of beautiful women in every race and a suessful black man can have his pick of any beautiful black woman he wants, but the truth is most black men have always had a weakness for light skinned women whether beautiful or not. White women are the lightest women and are seen as a prize to them. They are not able to see the beauty of their own women. If it was some black men here and there then your reasoning would make sense, but when it seems like a PATTERN of a black man getting a white or non-black women when he attains success, it seems to be more to it than just simply true love.

The only thing keeping some black men away from non-black women is poverty and the racism from some non-blacks who won't date a black man. For example, Arab families would not give their daughter to a black man, but if they were open to interracial relationships with blacks, they would break their neck trying to get with them. That is what is keeping some black women with partners. The truth is a people will never advance if they don't uplift their own women and children. It is no wonder why black men lag behind other races of men. They are far ahead of black men. The few black men who are able to make it reject their women and marry non-black women. I think they feel they are not as sucessful as the white man until they have his woman. I think with a white woman they can feel equal to a white man, b/c he has a white woman like a white man does. Marrying a white woman is only giving his money to white people through his white spouse.

Look at Senegal, always had a white 1st lady in a black country. What white leader will marry a black or non-white woman and install her as first lady of a white country? Black men have shown the world they are fools. How can you expect a white man to respect you when you show him you value his own woman above your own? I don't think Wade gave a damn about the message he was sending to the black women of his country and to the outside world, especially the European world when he installed a white woman as the first lady of a black african country. It is extremely rare to see a black man in a position of power or wealthy with a similarly ccomplexioned woman. If she is black, she is light skinned.

@ dayokanu,

This is not about black men vs. black women so don't turn it into that. Please discuss the topic at hand instead of pointing fingers and playing the blame game as that never solves anything. It is just that it is much more common to see a black man with a white woman than a black woman and white man, but I do acknowledge that many successful black women do the same.

[quote author=c.fours]as soon as one black person becomes successful, the first thing he does is either to squander it or to transfer his wealth to a second generation of mullatoes. who then transfer it to a third generation of whites. that success disappears right there!![/quote]EXACTO! You nailed it. My entire point summed up so briefly and perfectly. This is why we stay poor b/c we don't keep the wealth within our people and make it grow. If we are honest with ourselves, in every society, it is blacks who are the lowest on the totem pole economically. We don't help advance each other.

@ maclatunji: I am not in love with anyone and never have been yet. Like tpia said, it doesn't have to be personal for me to observe such a thing. I know I am not the only one who has seen this with black men.

In response to the people who talk about ghetto black women, well how do you explain african men who marry interracially? African women are not ghetto, I think we are very submissive and take care of our domestic duties well even those a lot of us who work and have careers.

And yes, the phenomenon is the same with very successful black women like Oluchi and Iman. When was the last time you saw an african supermodel with an african husband or boyfriend? I don't know if some black people feel that we need to piggy back behind a white person in order to gain acceptance and success. Maybe that could be the case. Could it make it easier to overcome racism and help them integrate.

Okay papasibo lol...She does seem to be really free.

Anyway in response to the thread:

I think an african man should choose carefully when choose to tie himself down through marriage with a black american or a non-african period. Many of us came to work hard here and make money and plan our life in Africa and help our families back home. An african woman will be more understanding of this view (on an INDIVIDUAL basis you will have exeptions). Also, it is already hard enough teaching your kids your culture and language with 2 african parents much less in a mixed marriage. If the guy wants a woman who can raise his kids in his culture then he might prefer an african lady. Also, if he loves his african food (men love food), he should also take that into consideration.

Okay, is she nigerian too? From the way she was talking I thought she had something against african men lol...

@ Mrs Chima: Are you black american? Yes? You said your husband is black? Is he a black american as well?

What thing I notice about black men that I don't see in men of other races is when they achieve a high level of success and wealth, is this PATTERN that they marry a white woman. I know people will jump at this post and say it is racist, but I don't care. We all know this is true. White and Asian men are smart. They will bleep women of other races, but MARRY a woman from their own race to keep the money within their people. They are very united. How many wealthy white and asian men do you see with a black wife or wife not of their race. You will never see the likes of David Beckham with a black wife.

Look at all the Indians and Arabs in sub-saharan Africa. They have been there for so long yet they still don't integrate into the population. They will go back to their country and get a wife. Look at the economic power some Lebanese have in some West African countries. They will never let Africans have so much economic power in Lebanon. Black men when they get rich go and marry a white woman and split their wealth with her. There are plenty of beautiful women in their home countries and I find it hard to believe they cannot find one of them to marry. There are a few like Drogba and Eto who are married to African women, but they seem to be in the minority.

Families are the foundation of a society. The more powerful black and african families we have, the higher up we will move in the world. We are not smart about keeping the money within our people. That is how we will increase the wealth within our people. Look at Oswald Boateng (famous Ghanaian designer in the UK), who got divorced and his white wife almost took everything. So now that money is going back to white people. Look at Senegal that never had a black african 1st lady b/c all their presidents had white wives. Rich men of other races marry their own women and give them a better life and have kids of their own race. The phenomenon is ONLY with black men. How many black families do you know like the Rockefellers that had their money last for generations? Black men need to empower their own if they want us to move ahead in the world.

@ queensmith: I think Mrs. Chima since she is a black american, is confusing the problems of her black AMERICAN men with AFRICAN black men. How many AFRICAN men in america are unemployed or in jail? Seriosuly, most are married and have stable families and work hard. Of course there are SOME who are not, but they are the minority.

Anyway, I can't answer the OP's question as I am not an african man, however I guess that cultural compatibility might play some role when a Nigerian or other african man is choosing a woman to settle down with. That is if he is someone who cares about his culture and is not completley westernized.