₦airaland Forum

@ Mrs. Chima, still beating around the bush. you don't have a good answer. you don't have any good point so give it up already. I like how you chose to avoid the questions.

Outstrip:
My point is read what you wrote. I am not sure why you need me to take a chill pill. Because I disagreed with you? I just stated a fact. If you feel like you hit a nerve because I disagreed with you then you need to look within. You cannot make statements like you will do your part if he does his part and then follow it up with if he loses his job he will have to do more and then act like you disagree with people who say that there is not an assigned role to any sex. After you are married with kids for a couple of years then maybe you can come back and discuss what a man or womans role is in a marriage. The fact is you have no clue and you have no clue because it is just a fantasy for you. Simple. I hope my point was more clear this time

and still your point is, ? stop fuming so your brain can clear up. that was complete gibberish you wrote.

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=850174.msg10011813#msg10011813 date=1327108164]No, YOU need to take a chill pill and I corrected YOU on what you said about MY comments.[/quote]Oh I see, you are upset b/c I called you out in an arugment you failed. You know you don't have a good answer to his question and that is what I pointed out.

And sweetie, I know this may be hard to for you to understand, but a woman can be educated and independent and still take care of her natural roles. Whether you work or not, a woman's role is different from a man's. Whether a woman has a PHD, it doesn't change anything. And I do plan to get a doctorate, but those things shouldn't change what you should do at home.

Okay so you mean to tell me you are the one who PUMPS the gas? Are you the one who opens the door when you are out TOGETHER with your man? I am not talking about randomly sitting around waiting for a man to open the door. Stop beating around the bush. You don't have any legitimate arugment so get over it and calm down. No need to get upset over the opinion of some strangers over the internet. What we think is not going to affect your lifestyle so no need to fume up lol, I can see the truth hurts

Btw, Are you african?

@ Outstrip and Mrs. Chima, y'all need to take a chill pill. My posts seem to hit a nerve. Also, I was talking in GENERAL not at anyone specifically. If it doesn't apply to you, then let it fly. Also, outstrip what is your point exactly?

Some of you girls here need to calm down. Why are you taking this so personal? It's not that serious and no need to raise your blood pressure. I don't have time to read everyone's posts.

Princek12:
so you "collectively' go to the fuel pump, collectively hold the nozzle, and collectively pump the fuel.

You collectively open the door for each other.

Awwwww!!! That is so romantic!.

She's dodging the question as she knew she didn't have a point. Even western women who claim to be so independent, still expect a man to do things like open the door and pull out her chair. If we all can do the same things, why don't they start opening doors and pulling out chairs.

Any african who is not too westernized will agree with this. Even some westerners will agree with this.

Princek12:
The roles come as a result of biological disposition. If you took biology in school, and you studied the female and male propensities in lower animals, you will understand what I am talking about. Most of what I wrote transcends all cultures.

Let me ask you some questions:

Who proposes to who in a relationship?

Who buys the engagement ring?

If you and your hubby drive to a fuel station, who comes out of the car to hold the nozzle and pump the gas in the car?

When you and your hubby approach the entrance to a building, and if both of you have free hands, who opens the door for whom?

Give me the reasons for your answer?

Well said. People can try to argue all they want, but we cannot change the way God made us. I have more questions to add:

Who is the one who carried the baby for 9 months?

Who is made to breastfeed the baby?

How many women will willingly marry a guy who says he wants to be a stay at home dad so she goes out and work?

Most women know deep down if they could marry a wealthy man and stay home they would. Most women know deep down they look for a man who is financially secure b/c it is his role to work and provide. They may act is if they don't care about his financial status, but we ALL do to an extent. Even the educated professional and independent women. Why do they have a hard time finding a man? There are many men, but they want a man who makes more. Finding a man is not what is hard, but finding a man on "their level" who makes just as much if not more than they do is what is harder. Why so? Aren't they independent already? No matter how independent a woman is she will always want a man who is financially secure. Let's be real here.

I don't see anything wrong with this list. In fact this is how I want my marriage to be. BOTH partners are doing work in the relationship. if my man is cleaning the yard, washing our cars, fixing things in the house, I would be happy to cook and clean and take care of the kids. It is a fair list and splits the work fairly. Even if I am working, which I still plan to do when I get married, I don't mind doing all those things if he is also doing his part. Plus, when it comes to the kids, I want them to feel like they have a mother. WHo else will take care of your kids if you don't?

Now in circumstances where say, unfortunatley the husband may have lost his job, then he will just do moe to help around then and help with the kids. If both partners have respect, understanding and communication between them, they will work out what is best for them.

I don't think it is demeaning to women as I don't think cooking for your family and keeping your house clean is demeaning. If you want to be treated like a princess, then you should treat him like a prince.

The AFRICAN black players mostly have african wives It is the black CARIBBEAN and AMERICAN athletes who marry white. With the fame and money Drogba and Eto have, they could have easily married a white girl, but they chose to go back home.

Other African players like Kolo Toure, Yaya Toure, and Frederic Kanoute all have african wives, but their wives are moe private so it is hard to find a picture of them. Also, I know Akon is not an athelete, but I think he also has african wives, but wants to keep them out of the spotlight.  I haven't seen him publicly claiming any woman as his wife though.

African men generally prefer african women. They can't live without all that good food.

Anyway, this reminded be that the African nations cup coming up this weekend. I cannot wait to see all my favorite players on one field again.

I can see why a black american or caribbean woman would want an african guy, but I can't see why in the world an african sister would be interested in one of these men.

I think it's usually that most african girls' parents won't let them date these men and rightly so. Besides, most of these men are commitment phobic. African men are more marriage minded. They are better providers. They don't expect a girl to split her money 50/50. They treat women much better as a WHOLE. Of course on an individual basis you will have exceptions. I cannot imagine myself with a guy who is not african. Even if he is not from my native country, at least some other west african nation or just black african period. I don't want to venture farther than that.

In my personal experience, most of the african guys I encountered were respectful and also many of them had a bright future and were in school. There are a few losers, but most of them I have met so far are serious This is my experience though.

Princek12:
good. If you do all the things you mentioned you are unlikely to be a second wife. it is women who usually don't cook, clean, massage, and service their husbands who end up being the second wife.

True. The first wife does the hard work like cooking and cleaning and having numerous kids. Then he gets a new young second wife who gets all the enjoyment. I would advise any woman who is the first wife of a rich man to make sure to take good care of herself and enjoy his money very well while you are the only one there. Also have your own private personal account to store money. Once the new wife comes she will take over and he will be lavishing all his money on her. You never know when he will pop up with a 2nd wife especially if he is muslim. I am muslim so I take precautions against this. Even African non-muslim men love to practice polygamy.

Anyway, all I know is I am not going to kill myself giving birth to too many children. 3 is fine. No more than 4 at least if you can help it. Otherwise, you won't have time to take care of yourself and will be too busy with the house and kids while he is too busy fishing for #2. If he wants more kids, let the 2nd wife do some of the hard work as well.

This is why I don't want polygamy for myself. It is very RARE for a man to carry it out the right way. They have one wife as the maid, cook, and baby machine and the other is the princess. I am not taking that nonsense.

I agree. I see a husband going to his other wife as going to his mistress. Besides, I would be squemish to share a man. Who knows what he may do with her in the bedroom. He could be eating her down there for all you know. I could not be intimate with my man knowing he does the same with another.

ArQueBusieR:
^^ Suicide shouldn't even be an option.

EXACTLY! What is so special about this girl? So many more women in the world. He is madly in love with a girl who only wanted his money. Why do men always fall in love with bad women such like this? It seems like it is always women like that who get lucky to find a guy who loves them so much.

Like another poster asked, how can this gold digger be more important than everyone, including your mom? Come on now. After a few weeks, this girl will move on. It probably won't even affect her much since she didn't really love him much in the first place. I cannot stand people like this who give so much important to one person. I mean, they act as if that person is God or something. The girl knew he was desperately in love with her and she took advantage of that.

If he was smart he should have moved on. He probably would have gotten more rich as his career moved on and found a better girl. Then she would have wished to have him back. Men really need to be smart about their money. If I was a guy, I wouldn't be so quick to spend on a girl. In the first few weeks of dating, don't spend much on her and see if she will stay. If she breaks it off, then she probably was a gold digger anyway. I read an article written by this smart guy who says whenever he meets a girl, he always picks her ups in his old car and is modest in his spending on dates to see how long she lasts. He said one girl even boldy asked him why he didn't spend much on her when they went out and argued with him about it. You shouldn't be so quick to spend on a girl, b/c she will use you like a dumb fool and then kick you to the curb to go enjoy your money with the guy she actually loves.

I don't understand men. The ones who have good partners that stick by them even when they are struggling are the ones they take for granted. How many cases have you seem of men who started out poor with one wife and then as soon as they get rich abandon her for a new woman who is a gold digger? Usually that new woman is also the love of his life and they love her much more than the first. Men usually seem to fall madly for the women that treat them bad. Then you also have women who are in love with men that abuse them. Well, I guess that is a part of this crazy world we live in.

kelz88:
Nothing wrong with dating for fun, as long as you both know where you stand.
Sometimes it's good to experiment. It is an eye opener.



Virginity is over-rated. I dunno what you guys/girls want from it. An award? Losing it to your husband on that special night doesn't guarantee he will never leave you. MOST of the guys who decide to wait for you get it elsewhere.

Some of these chicks claiming to be virgins do worse things. They will give the most head to the most random guys. Please, lemme hear word jor.

Men are men and I am not keeping my virginity because I think my man won't leave me or husband won't divorce me. Divorce has nothing to do with virginity. What are you talking about?

I want to keep my virginity for religious and personal reasons. Also, if a relationships breaks up, I think it would hurt more after you had already given yourself to him. But if you don't do anything with him (I mean NOTHING at all) and you break up then you don't have anything to lose. If you bump into your ex you can hold your head up high.
Yeah, I do agree that some virgins are hypocrites, but I don't worry about what other people do with their bodies. Also, I don't care if my husband sleeps with other girls before marriage as long as he doesn't have an STD (you can get tested if you are suspicious) and is not like a man wh0re. What he does DURING our marriage is what I care about. Your man can cheat on you whether you were a virgin on your wedding night or not. Having sex with him before marriage also does not guarantee he won't get sex from elsewhere. Just b/c you give him sex during the relationship still does not guarantee he won't want try a different girl. There is really no way you can control a man cheating. What you can control is when he gets sex from you and I don't believe you should make it too easy for him.

I think it is just important to be careful to choose a man who is not a player or has that repuation. Usually guys like that never change and it is not possible to change them.

[quote author=Jenifa_ link=topic=812486.msg9667206#msg9667206 date=1322696897]I agree. I find it [i]stu[/i]pid.

and I co-sign with dating someone with similar mindset. there are many guys out there looking for a life partner although they are not common.
by 6-mths you shld definitely know if marriage is on his mind for both of you.[/quote]Exactly. The poster who said dating for fun is crap is right. Also, 6 months is long enough to know where you are going with someone. I am not saying you should be husband and wife by then. You will probably be engaged for another few months again while you are planning for the wedding. You can never completely know someone until you live with them. So whether you date for 2 years or 6 months you will never know the person 100%. 6 months is long enough to know whether the person has a bad temper, is financially stable, how they interact with other people and other important characteristics in a mate. Even by the way people talk you can get a good sense of a person's character.

And about the sex, I know there are definitely many guys who don't mind marrying a virgin. I don't think many guys will be unhappy b/c no other guy bleeped their girlfried before. I know considering how possessive most guys are, it would be nice to know no other guy went there with their wife. Well for muslim guys at least, I think the vast majority of muslim guys EXPECT their wife to be a virgin regardless of whether he is or not. I know it is hypocritical, but that is another topic for another thread. Also, that doesn't mean there aren't many muslim girls who engage in premarital sex of course, but I don't want to go off topic too much so I'll keep it at that.

Any guy who considering you as a potential marriage partner or thinking of possibly having a future with you would respect your decision to stay a virgin since he knows when you become his wife, he'll will get it eventually. However, the ones who are not willing to wait are usually the ones who want to hit it and run anyway. It is a good way to eliminate the guys who are not serious. Of course just b/c you sleep with him doesn't mean he won't take you serious as many married couples were intimate before marriage, but this is just how I prefer to do it.

[b]what must be his physical characteristics?

Tall, look like the average west african guy.

behaviour?
well-mannered, and respectful of others and especially women, not a womanizer

qualities?

well-educated and has a good job
before you could grade a man as a handsome man?[/b]

Btw, I didn't say I would dump him, but I would just open my options to other guys. Btw, sex does not make a guy love you. It might actually make him have less of a reason to commit if you are even lucky enough to get him to commit at all. That is why you have women dating men for 5 years, but cannot get that ring. I mean, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

sexkillz:
[color=#000055][size=14pt]It's not about how long it takes you to propose, it's about how long you know the person, and how well you know the person. If you erroneously use 6 months as your minimum, what if the person was just beginning to like you? You cant have it all you know. . .[/size][/color]

True

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=812086.msg9644848#msg9644848 date=1322431632]Why is it inferior complexity when some black women say the exact same thing some black men say? 

I can pull several threads on this site that some black men (not Mr. Cork) stated "white women treats black men better and doesn't give much attitude" and when some black women mentioned inferior complexity, they were shot down as bitter, lonely, and jealous bitches.   

Fake monukkas kills me.[/quote]You haven't seen people complain about black men inferiority complex? In those threads a lot the women in this forum have a go at them as well. They don't get off scot free either trust me lol,

Wow, if I have I guy who is this much in love with me, I would definitely hold on.

Okay, I have a random question for those guys in a SERIOUS relationship with a girl. Generally, how long would you think it is about right before you ask for a girl's hand in marriage. I am a bit old fashioned and I usually have a 6 month rule. I only date for marriage. If a guy hasn't brought me to meet his family by then or show any signs that he may want a future with me then I would not continue with him. Well I mean I will still continue to talk to him, but if another guy shows interest I will also consider that one as well. After 6 months (no sex either, sorry I am muslim), without any proposal or at least introduction to his family, I will stop making our relationship exclusive. I do not want to be with a guy for years and still no ring. I am only 21, but I would like to get married ideally before 30. I mean in a few years I will be done with school and time flies. I haven't really started dating seriously yet, but it as just a thought I had. Does it sound too extreme? I thought of giving him a year. I do not want to scare him off and of course it is nothing I will blatantly tell a guy.

MsDarkSkin:
like a gravitational pull, i got sucked in and watched it.
I have a bad taste in my mouth. seriously. we have four beautiful black women
who went from discussing their preferences to down right bashing black men!!! i mean wtf?
why do the SAME THING some ignorant black men did to us? does it NOT justify their claims that
we are angry??! smh.

like i said, black men are the truth and i love them with everything in me.

@claremont, i think you need to go back and rewatch the video. they not only made generalizations
but had the nerve to poke fun of it. "oh lets not make blanket statements because they [black men]
like to cry about it [*enter mocking cries], but let's say 99.999%" followed by laughs! disgusting.

You seem to be reading my mind b/c you always say EXACTLY what I am thinking before I get a chance to write it.

Anyway, I agree. By doing the same thing that some self-hating interracial black men do does not help matters. They seem as if it is some sort of revenge for them. They are sick and pathetic. I think many of them might be upset about black men going for white women and now desperately seek white men as revenge.
I personally don't see anything wrong with mixed relationships as we are all people and can be attracted to and fall for anyone. However, you can love whoever you want without looking down on your own people or insulting them. I think they forgot their fathers and brothers are black.

I personally would prefer to settle down with a black african guy. When it comes to the man I want to be the head of my household and father of my kids, I prefer an african guy. I just cannot imagine anyone else. It is cultural for me as I don't have a preference in skin tone. I have seen many good looking guys from other races, but marriage wise I prefer to have that cultural compatibility.

She also clealry says in the beginning moments "white men treat you better."

claremont:
How a black lady saying that [her white husband is better than the black man she had in a previous relationship] translates to her "suffering from inferiority complex" as alluded to by the poster is totally beyond me. I am actually shocked at the correlation! [/b]

I guess you didn't watch the video or fully read my post. The lady was using her experience to say that white men in GENERAL are better than black men. That was my point. This was not a post against interracial relationships. If you watch the video she makes it very obvious. You just need to watch the first 2 minutes to see where they are going.

MsDarkSkin:


@topic: Tony Braxton is part of the 'team snowflake' regime.
She is actually trying to promote interracial dating between white men and black woman stating that "2011 is all about the 'snow flakes'" and how she "loves brown sugar" but her snowflake is "all that". mschew!!

im not even gonna watch that fo0lish video, black men all day!!!

i love you all. You're the best!  I don't care what anyone says. no black man can piss me off to the point where i look elsewhere!

You're better off not watching it. Any black person with any pride will be pissed after watching this nonsense video. I don't know where they are meeting all these terrible black men. My experience, especially with African men has been quite the opposite.

Why must black people look down on their own in order to have a relationship out of their race? There is an ugly black american woman who says her white husband was better than her nigerian husband. I believe people should be free to find love and happiness anywhere, but I think these women are beyond pathetic and a disgrace to black people. You can love anyone without hating or demeaning your own. Many Black people have serious issues and suffer from inferiority complex.

I don't even know what African man had such bad taste to be attracted to this ugly mofo.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20-Sv-us-_s