₦airaland Forum

@ odumuchi and emofine, I just realized you echoed my same sentiments. Good job. We always have the negatives of black people thrown at us. Europeans use the excuse that we were savages to justify their atrocities. If Europe is so great, why did they have to steal from Africa. If Africans controlled our resources and stopped fighting each other due to these silly tribal wars, we would be the richest people in the world. The Arabs are smart and control their oil whih is why they are rich. We need to control our own natural resources. Now the Chinese want to take their turn. They would never let Africans go into their countries and get so rich of their resources. I think as blacks our main problem is unity. The divide & conquer method worked with us.

Did you hear of Mansa Musa and Timbuktu as a great learing center? How about all the major african empires in history such as the Songhai empire. The Europeans who enslaved our ancestors were savages. Only savages would carry such a brutal atrocity such as slavery. We were not savages, we were treated as savages. If you treat someone like an animal, they will eventually begin to act like one. All of humanity was primitive and over time we all became more civilized. Did you read about how barbaric the Romans and other Europeans were in the Middle Ages?

It is colonialism and slavery that has hurt hus and will take time for us to catch up. Anyway, my post is not an attack against whites, but just to enlighten people about our history with them.

Plus as a man, if you expect your girlfriend to have sex with you, you shouldn't be cheap.

Well maybe on the 1st date when we have just met each other I would pay my portion unless he offers to pay. Generally, I think most african men would prefer to pay, but some of the ones who grew up in the west might be different. Not too sure about that though. After the first few weeks, it would be nice if he paid. I like things the old-fashioned way. I cannot speak for Nigerian men or other african men, but for Gambian/Senegalese men, they would never take money from their girlfriend. It is generally understood that he will be the one to pick up the tab. They would be surprised if the girl offered to pay. They have an ego thing where they like to prove they can take care of their girl.

Crown Prince:
Any day my wife slaps me is the day her popsie will return my bride price with compound interest accumulated.

And hopefully you would never slap her either right? Btw, that's kinda off topic lol,

I still prefer the traditional way. I only get into a relationship to see if it can lead to marriage. I don't get the point of casual dating. This is why I prefer older men in their 30's as most likely they would be thinking of settling down rather than younger guys who still want to have their fun. I would hate to see our traditional values die out.

But sometimes it can turn into arrogance, which is a huge turn off for me. I don't like the type of guys who think every girl wants them, especially when he is not attractive. I feel ike that type of guy won't be able to take a relationship seriously as he will always feel he can get someone else.

@ onlia: yeah I agree. Well black men in general, with the exception of the habesha ones (ethiopian, somali etc, ) tend to be very confident. I like that about them. Despite all the racism they can sometimes face in this world, they still manage to be the most confident men. Despite most black men being confident, Nigerian men definitely take the cup lol,

I plan on having three hopefully a mix of both sexes, but I will be happy with whatever I get. I just pray that they will all be normal and healthy.

People always like to bring that saying about what for your sister what you want for yourself in regards to polygamy. Yes, I want my sisters to have a GOOD husband like I want for myself. That doesn't mean I should want MY husband for them. There are many good men out there and I hope they find one of them, just not the one I will have inshallah.

@ deols true: plus you know there will be all the people in the community talking. And his family will definitely not be happy and will think you control your husband if he takes you instead of his mom. I hope my future husband's mother likes me as I want a drama free life. Where I am from if they don't like you, they get him a 2nd wife and I am too jealous to deal with that.

If I was a wife, I wouldn't let my husband take me to hajj if he hasn't taken his mother yet and also his father. I think it is very important to pay for your parents to go to hajj. Now if they have already gone, then that is a different story. You only really need to go to hajj one, but I've known people who've done it twice. When I am done with school, that is something I want to give to my parents.

Yeah I am from Gambia so maybe it is different in Nigeria and other African countries. Hausa muslims in Nigeria seem like a very devout group. From what I have seen it seems as if hijab is common among them? Is it? I haven't met that many Hausas so I can't make a judgment based on the few I know. In Gambia hijab is not common, however there is a trend in the younger generation where a lot of girls are starting to wear it. It's like a hijab movement is starting over there lol,

I just feel like the African men who are college-educated and living in the Western world would not want a woman with a hijab. It seems like generally the ones who are extreme in following the religion, uneducated ones who like to marry many wives are generally the types among african men who are attracted to that. I am confused. I have been wanting to do it for about 2 years now, but have been putting it off for these reasons. I try to make excuses for myself and say I can still wear modest clothes without having to cover etc,

The thing is I want to try my best to improve the way I follow my religion. I know hijab is not the be all end all, but it is a big part of following the religion. Tt is a big commitment b/c even some very pious women still have not built up the courage to do it. I am sure we can all agree it is a tough choice to agree to do for a lifetime as for women hair is a big part of our beauty that we can do so many things with.  Yes, hijab doesn't mean you are perfect, but I feel like this one step b/c it is so difficult in itself. It shows you have at least some commitment to the religion. Also you can be very pious without hijab as I have seem some non-hijabed girls who are more pious than some hijabis. I have also seen hijabis do things that will leave your mouth open. However, those are not excuses not to do it. Just b/c some people don't do it the right way does not change the law.

Also, plus it is difficult to make hijab match with african clothes. I don't want to turn into an arab and still want to wear african clothes when I go to african events. I want to dress like a muslim not an arab. Their dresses are designed to match with the hijab, but ours are not. I still want to look attractive (not to sound cocky) in a hijab. I don't want to look backwards or unattractive. You can still look beautiful while covering. How else are you going to find a husband if no one finds you attractive?

@ maclatunji, I agree. I understand sweetnca and deol are trying to be encouraging and I really appreciate their posts. However, in the non-arab world, there is a lot of prejudice against hijab. Even in some arab countries, there is prejudice against it. Tunisia banned the hijab in government plaes despite them being 99% muslim. I know some Indian and Pakistani girls who also struggle with it b/c there is prejudice against it in their community even though Pakistanis are also over 95% muslim. It is only among Arabs that it is widely accepted.

Seriously. I don't think you could say most African men like it. I ask about African men b/c as an African woman, that is who I will most likely marry. Arab men have their own arab women and a very unlikely to marry a black woman. So if most african men do not like hijab then it will make finding a husband hard.

I would honestly like to know how many African muslim men would actually like to marry a hijabi. I know for Arab men, the vast majority of arab muslim women wear it so they are accustomed to it and prefer their women that way. However, for African muslims, many of us don't wear it so men also have many options of choosing women who do not wear it. I told my mom I was thinking of beginning to wear the hijab and she said she's afraid it might hurt my marriage prospects. She said that we are different from arab women and that it is their culture. However, this is something that a MUSLIM woman should wear regardless of their culture or race as anyone can be muslim. Besides, not all arabs are muslims and the Christian Arabs do not wear hijab. I know I will wear it in the future, but I am afraid only backwards extremist muslim men would be attracted to me. How many "modern" and well-educated AFRICAN muslim men would actually want a hijabi or would they think she is backwards or unattractive. I think this is why so many women who wear hijab try to do extra things to look attractive b/c they have to compete with non-hijabis who can do things with their hair and show more skin.

Also, I don't want to start a war between hijabis and non-hijabis or arguments about who is better than the other. You cannot know someone's inner character for sure. This is simply a question about outside attraction to men. Yes, the point of a hijab is to be modest, but modest does not mean you have to look unattractive or cannot look pretty. I think it is important for your future husband to have some type of physical attraction to you whether you wear hijab or not.

[quote author=tpia@ link=topic=870005.msg10189840#msg10189840 date=1329165461]the black race has always absorbed input from every other one.

that's why blacks are a kaleidoscope of colour.

no biggie.[/quote]lol, yea. we are probably the only group that mixes so much. Anyway, I personally don't have an issue with Interracial relationships. I don't think it should be an issue. I used to not like those couples, but I am glad I have changed and don't have those negative views anymore. However, for me PERSONALLY, I prefer men of the same background. I am not interested in men of other races or cultures.

Sorry to disappoint you men. I am not going to be a fool. Men always seem to get upset when women so strongly oppose polygamy. I know you guys love polygamy, but you all know it is obviously NOT a pleasant experience for us women.

@janvier, 3 or 4 kids is a big family, but it is not too much like 5 or 6 where you won't have time to take care of your body. They are not extreme. 3 kids is a good number. Not too small, not too big.

Anyway, since men cannot be trusted, it is something I do worry about. A mistress and 2nd wife is the same thing to me. It is common for african men to have one of them or even both sometimes. I will secure myself. In a fairytale world everyone would be married an live happily ever after, but we live in the real world.

Tha lady looks like Omotola Jalade Ekeinde.

Thought some people might find this interesting

http://www.babble.com/mom/work-family/the-mommy-track-working-moms-stay-at-home-mother/