₦airaland Forum

lefulefu:
if it's that bad u can connect with a home based naija guy for relationship nau.if guys can do it I don't see why u ladies can't.at least ur family or friends back home in naija can hook u up with a responsible dude back home in nigeria.dem no dey shame for it oo.

What exactly makes all of you guys not in the states or canada think this entire conversation is about dating? We're talking about loneliness due to a lack of friendships like in Nigeria, and all you guys can think about is dating. Is this topic too difficult for you guys to comprehend or what? Did she tell you she's looking for a boyfriend? Does having a boyfriend or girlfriend solve the problem we're talking about? Damn, you guys ehn

Mcslize:
I see too much exageration in your write up. Be yourself and you will have no problem making friends with white folks.

Inferiority complex is what is killing us the black race.

Isn't it your inferiority complex in the first place that is making you want to make friends with white folks? Have you seen white folks thinking about how to make friends with black folks?

lefulefu:
I like it that way.if u visiting let the person know u are coming and if he is available he let u know.not that u will banging every door in the name of visit .someone might be taking a nap and u might just be disturbing.its civilised to let a person know u visiting b4 hand and if he or she is not available he will let u know when he is available.

Yeah, I'm not saying it's bad. I don't even visit people anyway, unless they specifically invited me. I'm only trying to show the differences in both places in regards to how these friendship thing works.

Solatium:
Don't mind the irritants,they always feel they know it,if you press someone's too much out there they might even report you to the police for harassment.
Their Number is part of their privacy,they won't release it to you and if you are lucky to get it they might end up ignoring you like you earlier said.

In Nigeria, when you meet someone and exchange Whatsapp numbers, even if they don't have anything to tell you, they will send you happy new month message, happy new week, happy sunday, happy monday, they will send broadcast messages, type amen, etc. They will always find a way to stay in touch. Here, would you try doing all that 'nonsense' with people when you get their numbers? You can't even call them unless you have something concrete to discuss. Is that a type of friendship comparable to Nigeria's? Before you visit them, you must text them to know you're coming and why you're coming and vice versa. This is not even about dating, it's just about friendship in general.

Solatium:
Why don't you stop being stupid for once,it is one thing for you to want to make friends it is another for them to accept your friendship.
Who told you they will still keep in touch with you after your First meeting? who told you they will even exchange numbers with you the way we do here? Who told you you will have their home address and just bump on to them the way we do here?

Don't just talk further if you haven't experienced it,
Na Naija wey never comot dey always know the coping mechanism for where him never go for him life.

we are not caut for that kind of lifestyle,if not for economic reasons,those guy's will never trade Naija for anything.
why do you think they always excited when they are coming home?

The bolded is exactly what I've been trying to explain to these guys, but I don't know why they just cannot understand. Nobody is saying you can't walk up to people, strike conversations, and have a good time. People here are polite and friendly, so they will respond well. The problem is, it is difficult to keep it. They are not interested in committing to any friendship, and friendship requires commitment and staying in touch over a long time. What is the point in walking up to a girl or boy and having a nice conversation that ends right there? Even if they give you their contact, they won't text you. If you text them, they may ignore you after sometime if you keep texting them or respond coldly. We are not talking about friendliness of a few minutes; we are talking about friendship over a long time. Making friends here is difficult for people not because it is difficult to talk to people, but because it usually doesn't lead anywhere as the people do not intend to keep it going. Why is this so difficult for the people on here to understand? In Nigeria, if you meet someone and have a nice conversation, you will likely exchange whatsapp numbers and stay in touch and become good friends from there. Here, if you meet someone and have a nice conversation, it ends there. Those YouTube videos, do they show you what happens after the conversation you see on the screen? Do they tell you that they stay in touch after that one time? Ah, people here ehn!

Cocao:
I was disconcerted by the smiling culture here. I was shopping last week and my cart mistakenly fell on a white girl. I rushed to the front in a flurry of apologies and felt so bad at my clumsiness. This lady was downright smiling at me. I was just apologizing and she kept on saying, it's okay it's not your fault. But I looked into her eyes and saw that she was pissed too (as should be) but the smile was still on her face. Obviously she was torn between choosing to be angry or maintaining her cultural upbringing. Her eyes gave her anger away but she was still smiling.

You will experience more of that smiling culture if you live in the midwest or closer to the west coast. Not so much on the east coast or south.

Cocao:
You have tried to make your point and I appreciate the effort. However, notice that this particular person will not listen.

I am interested in the research you mentioned. I think it is related to my thesis and I'd love to check it out. Do you have a link for this?

If you're referring to my research on feminism, I didn't publish that. I just did it for a psychology class I took back then. Hopefully I can start publishing stuff in the near future.

doxijaw:
Tribalism is not the same as racism, tribalism is based on the fight for the equitable distribution of resources, whilst racism is based on the fight for humanity.

Eg who is human or better yet who is the most evolved human?

Good explanation. And to add to it, racism comes from the place of white supremacy; tribalism does not. For example, if you're Igbo and you lost a job in the Yorubaland, that does not mean that the Yorubas think they are smarter than you or they have better IQ or are more evolved. Your job loss simply comes from a place of hate on their part. An igbo employer will fire a Yoruba man in the east too, soon, and the cycle continues. You don't suffer any impostor syndrome from being of a different tribe.

In racism, a black man loses his job because they believe he is inferior or sub-human, especially when he works in a white dominated field. He has to work twice harder and be way better than them to prove himself. He should dare not make a mistake, otherwise he invalidates his skills. The people think he is less smart because he is black. It only takes a while before he starts to feel this: impostor syndrome. People still believe that black people scientifically have a lower IQ. Nobody thinks so of any tribe in Nigeria. If anything, each tribe thinks so of the other which is fair game.

Take for example, in Nigeria, do you ever walk into a hospital to see a patient and on sighting you, he says, I don't want to see an Igbo doctor? How does he even know you're Igbo just by sighting you? Now, imagine being a black doctor and upon sighting you, the patient says they don't want to see you. The worse is covert racism, where the patient welcomes you with a smile and you have a wonderful, satisfactory conversation only for them to never return and go to a white doctor the next time. Some might even include in their report that you weren't good enough, even when you thought you had a great time with them. Here is an experience of a black doctor who has seen it all:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi_EGJyAmGk&t=52s

And then when it comes to racism, there is something universally known as "white privilege". Imagine if a white girl lands in Nigeria today - maybe in a crowded market in Oshodi - does she get treated the same way a black girl who lands in Norway would be treated. Once instantly becomes an idol, while the other? Is there also something called "Hausa privilege" or "Igbo privilege"?

CamusMidas:
By different you mean Nigerians lack of respect for private space?

The culture here is that people are very friendly but are not committed to friendship. Yes, you can walk up to people, strike conversations and all that. They will respond very enthusiastically, smile, ask questions, and be very involved. You will think you just made a new, wonderful friend. However, the moment you exit that conversation, it all ends there. They won't stay in touch or anything. It's weird because sometimes you might even see them the next day and they would act like they don't know you. This was someone you had a friendly conversation with yesterday. So, even though they are very friendly and you had a great conversation, you'll realize that you still have no friend because friendship requires commitment and staying in touch, but they are not interested in that. This will happen repeatedly and you'll later get used to it. That is why I call it the culture. And it has nothing to do with gender which is why in surprised everyone here thinks it's about dating.

Now, this is different from Nigeria where, once you have a great conversation with someone, you'll usually stay in touch and remain friends. So, in essence, people here are friendlier and more polite than Nigerians, but you will find it easier to make friends in Nigeria.

Plus here, you're different - you're black - that's a whole topic for another day.

lekki1444:
really ? as you walk down the streets of nigeria people can tell you are ijaw ? or itsekiri ? or idoma ? This is my point about the annoying nature of people who have not not smelt muuritala mohammed airport before. comparing minor tribal entitlements to the situaton of a visibly black man existing in a white world where he is rated as trash and yet he cannot hide his skin color andso he has to live with this hatred from everyone everyday. this why even the famous micheal jackson tried to turn himself to white to escape from all this hate put on blackness. its lonely and depressing being a visibly blackman existing n a society where black is despised. and you know the funny part ? everyone who is not black has been so socialised to the point that they will hate you even worse than the white man hates you. they are programmed to hate you more. the hispanics will make your life a living hell, the chinese, the indian, the pakistani, the korean, etc etc. Its tough being black outside of africa.

I always laugh when I see people here on Nairaland compare tribalism to racism. Mostly people who have never been out of the continent, so they don't even understand what racism means. Some even say tribalism is worse than racism smh. My advice to people is, they should go out and experience things for themselves. There are things you just can't explain to people who have never been there.

roteblomen:
You should pay the price and run off. It's that simple. By paying the price, I mean it in the context that you should bag that degree, get the passport (or permanent resident at least), save up while doing that, then move to naija. Now I'm not in the country but I will be soon in few months, and I'm loving my life this way. Thank God for EU passport, even corona can't even stop me from flexing.

I left naija when I was a teenager also, but the first month I landed Europe, I knew that I'm not staying there. Too boring that it kills the soul. And what I advised you is exactly what I did. And Canada that is almost half size of Africa, with only the population of Lagos and Kaduna, it's so damn sparsely populated and booriing. I can't live there. I'm too hotblooded dkr that.

Great advice there. Once you have the passport, you can travel and live wherever you want.

I'm surprised how everyone turned this thread into a dating topic. The issue is about the experiences of loneliness in the western world, specifically Canada. How come it's now all about how to date? And besides dating does not even solve the loneliness problem. Loneliness here is due to the culture here, which is vastly different from Nigeria's. Thirsty guys just turned the whole thing into dating white girls, confidence, game blah blah blah

Starzo:
na this attitude make nobody wan associate with you for Yankee so.
you're to serious. You don't even realize when someone is only trying to pull your legs.

Ok, now I understand what you wrote. Idk who told you no one wants to associate with me tho I mean, if that was the case, I should have returned to Nigeria since I came here with only $50.00 with no family or relatives here. But thanks to all those who have associated with me who helped me on countless occasions.
What we are discussing here is a general phenomenon and most people experience. Personally I'm not lonely here, but that's just me which is due to my personal lifestyle. However, I wouldn't downplay other people's experiences as I can see how very easy it is to get lonely over here. And the experience is common - not only among Nigerians.

Starzo:
guy I dey try give u small SmackDown but instead of u to pretend like say e pain u small, u come dey write epistle...
nawa for Nigerians o
una no Sabi support person ministry at all... mtchwwww

I don't understand what you wrote up there, can you please type it in English?

Starzo:
they are not smiling at u. they're laughing at u

how do u dress??...or let's see ur pic before we can conclude

Actually, this is something that no one will ever do to you here. No one will ever laugh at you or look down on you because of the way you dress or your inadequacies. Freedom of choice is something you'll enjoy here, and no one will judge you for it, even if you like go out naked. Not a thing for this place.

Mcslize:
Don't reply with a different account. I know it's you Neurosci.

You simply scared of talking to white girls maybe that's why.

It's nobody fault. Try and reach out to people irrespective of their color. Low self esteem is the greatest disease of the black race.

There are many threads here on Nairaland that will teach you how to talk to girls. E.g Hardon thread. Then if you don't want to be a woman wrapper, check out Glycolysis thread. They are all insightful. Stop being scared of talking to white girls. They won't bite you.

Haha interesting

79733139:
And that is exactly what I prefer. A more polite and friendly rejection... It always looks a lot better than hisses and frowns.

The last time I heard a hiss was in Nigeria; I don't even think that exists here. But still, all na fake. I prefer realness to fakeness. I want a genuine smile, not something you just do because it is the norm. At least when you frown at me, I know you hate me and I can avoid you. And when you smile, I know you like me and I can approach you. But these ones that smile whether they like or hate you, how do you deal with such people?

79733139:
I like smiles. And personally, I would always prefer walking up to say hello to a lady that just smiled at me than one who was frowning or had a neutral facial disposition... the rejection would always be softer/more polite (which is what I like).

And you know what's funny? I can tell you that no girl will ever frown at you here! I have never seen an oyibo guy or girl frown at me or anyone else EVER since I came here. Unless you do something extremely terrible. The weirdest part is, even when you offend them or say something mean, they will still smile at you. But if you take that for friendship, you're on a lonnnng thing. In fact, my first culture shock when I arrived in the US was the smile. Right from the airport in New York, there was this girl who just kept smiling at me. Initially, I thought maybe she knew me from somewhere, but it was less than an hour since I arrived so she couldn't have known me anywhere. But she just kept smiling. Bro, I can write a whole book about this smile issue in America. But trust me, all that smile na wash. I would rather earn someone's smile than get a fake smile.

Mcslize:
There are still guys here who are dating white girls. White girls are friendly than our black ladies.

A white girl will be so willing to help you out than your fellow black girl. Don't tell me you don't know any of your friend who is dating a white girl if you live abroad.

If you read every one of my post carefully, you will know I never said Nigerians/black men don't date white girls. But anyway, let's forget about this and move onto something more productive.

Mcslize:
Must I live abroad before I understand how to approach women? Approaching women is a skill and many sucks at it. We watch guys doing cold approach on YouTube, real life and I never see where a white girl act so mean and all that.

If you can't approach ladies one on one and only resort only to dating apps, how will you boost your self confidence as a man?

Even on a dating app, it takes a man who understands women to pull lots of them out of their shells. The moment you make a woman feels she is above you, you've defeated the whole purpose of approaching such a woman.

You chatting with a lady and you are being all official do you think she will reason you?

Stop making ladies feel on high heel. That's the point. It doesn't take alot to make a woman giggles. The moment you start looking down on yourself before any lady, she is gone.

Women love confident men. White women are still very lenient to approach. I don't know your experience but it seems you are not good with women from the look of things.

Man, I'm done with this. Get here, do stuff then message me back. Don't tell me about YouTube.

79733139:
If a guy is jovial, well-groomed and uses a laid-back/polite approach, most ladies (all races) wouldn't see him as a nuisance, they would give back the same energy whether they are interested or not. Canada is a polite society.

Look, I'm not here to dispute that fact. What I'm saying is that, what is considered polite can vary from culture to culture. So, if a guy does those things you mentioned to a Nigerian girl in Nigeria, the result might slightly be different when he does that to a white girl in Canada. They would not necessarily consider him a nuisance, as a matter of fact, the Canadian girl would likely respond with the "oh my gosh you're so sweet...." line with a big smile on her face. She is more likely going to be polite and friendlier than the Nigerian girl. But after a while, you will eventually realize how superficial all that was. This definitely does not apply in all cases because everyone is difference, but in general, this is how it goes. Talk to people who have done these things a lot about their experiences.

79733139:
Even in Nigeria, those places are bad for approaching ladies.

Parks, gardens, beaches, hotel lounges, upscale bars, theme restaurants, amusement parks, museums, art exhibitions, concerts etc. these places are excellent because everybody is in a social mood and in Canada, they are all easily accessible to any body with a stable income.

And when a white girl is smiling at a black guy (or any guy), it most likely means he told a joke or she is trying to flirt with him... human emotions are encoded in our DNA, so they are the same everywhere.

Smiling here is cultural, it may or may not have anything to do with flirting. People smile at you just because of an accidental eye contact. This doesn't happen in Nigeria or anywhere else. It is purely an american/canadian thing. Your biggest mistake would be to assume that a white girl smiling at you is necessarily trying to flirt or you said something. The reality is that you don't even have to say anything funny before she smiles. Just be walking by and make an accidental eye contact and what you get is a smile. That is the culture here, and there are lots and lots of studies that have been conducted on it, and the running joke is that "When a stranger on the street smiles at you: a. you assume he is drunk. b. he is insane. c. he's an American". In fact, it is commonly called the american smile, aka cut-and-paste smile, due to how superficial it is. Again, it is NOT the same everywhere, it is an American thing!

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/05/why-americans-smile-so-much/524967/
https://usvisagroup.com/americans-smile-much-strange-americanisms/
https://news.avclub.com/americans-are-creeping-out-the-rest-of-the-world-by-smi-1798261438

On this smile issue, I personally conducted a study on it (in addition to my research on feminism) when I got here, so this is a subject I'm very curious about.

Childofthelord:
Apologies, I am not quiet familiar with the Nairaland protocols.
My email is @gmail.com
It will be helpful to let me know you are from this platform.

Grace

Just bear in mind that by putting your email publicly, you're likely to receive a lot of spam in your inbox. I would encourage you to edit your post and write it out this way: a_b_o_m_a_r_v_e_l_l at gmail dot com. Tell them to remove all underscores. Those who are serious about reaching out to you will do so.

Mcslize:
Lol not for a guy like me. Before you meet a girl, stop making her feel like she is the price. Consider yourself a high value man, and you will have no issue talking to any girl being white or black.

And mind you, talking to a girl is a skill. If you are humorous, innocently naughty, you won't have issue talking to ladies. If our black girls can be so mean and men still talk to them, how much more of friendly white girls.

A white girl can just walk passed you and smile at you. How many of our ladies here do that?

That smile alone is an ice breaker if you know what I meant.

Knowing how to handle ladies is a universal skill. It is not for everyone and not for guys that have low self esteem.

Did you answer my question at all? Have you lived abroad? The US or Canada specifically. If you have not, leave this topic for those who have. When you get there, try the things you said and then come back to tell me how it went.

What you don't understand is that what you're describing above is more of a cultural thing as opposed to a mere skill. Have you ever wondered why people don't cold approach the opposite sex in the streets here like they do in Nigeria? Have you ever entered a public bus or train here and seen how people are quiet, heads locked down on their phones? Why do you think dating apps are the main means of finding relationships here as opposed to just walking up to strangers?

Your writing shows you've never been here, otherwise you would not have said what you said regarding a white girl smiling at you. When a white girl smiles at you, take it seriously at your own peril.

Innocently naughty. Smh

ednut1:
their sense of entitlement is sickening. Because men toast u every where or make remarks in Nigeria they think its normal. Abeg make dem self go toast men or enter tinder . They complain of loneliness but they will be on dating apps looking for only Nigerians men, Christian and well to do. In an already small pool o. Jokers

Who told you they are looking for only Nigerian men? I can bet they're far more interested in white boys, but when the white boys are not approaching nko, what do you expect them to do? They have to focus on where they stand a better chance.

Mcslize:
Exactly. Here in Nigeria, that notion of only guys should approach ladies had been inbuilt in most ladies. The kind of attention our women get here they don't get that once they get to the west world. Guys hardly approach ladies over there. It is mind your business lifestyle. All their lives, most of our ladies haven't approached a guy. They carry same mindset abroad hoping for men to be rushing them. When that is not forth coming, they go into depression comparing Nigeria to abroad.

Some times I approach ladies just for the fun of it. I don't think there is any lady I can't approach. People are scared of rejection and scared of being turned down when trying to socialise with the opposite sex. Who truly cares if a lady turn me down or not.

I walked up to a lady striked a convo, and requested her number, she simply said she just wanted to be left alone. That she doesn't want any man in her life oh my God just for asking of number. I simply told her ok have a nice day.

If I were some persons, I won't approach ladies again due to that rejection. The next day I saw another lady and I striked a convo as usual and boom she responded well, got her number and walked away.

People should learn how to approach and socialize. If you look deeply, you will discover the issue is not the society but them.

Before you underestimate what childofthelord is saying here, my question to you is, have you ever lived abroad? I'm sure by the time you ask three girls for their numbers here, white girls specifically since they're the majority, no one will teach you before you stop doing that when you see how much of a nuisance they consider you to be. You think they're the same as Nigerian girls, right? Ok!

Childofthelord:
Thank you everyone for the advice and support. Thanks for taking the time to send those encouraging messages too.
I feel better knowing that other people have felt the same at some point in their lives.
My email is also registered on google hangouts, I am always happy to chat a little.
Thanks again.
Grace.

You didn't provide a way to contact you though, what do you mean by your email is registered on Google hangouts? We don't know your email address.

I think I have a solution for you OP @Childofthelord. Feel free to send me a message so I can walk you through it..

Eniolakiite:
I did the WES because some schools I applied to asked for it.
I was going for a masters so I didn’t need to secure a supervisor. You may need to secure one for a PhD.

Hi Eniolakiite, would it be OK if I sent you an email? I have some questions regarding these grad school apps.

Pavore9:
Once it is a recognized Rwandan university then there is no problem attending it.

Let me cite Kenya as an example, many Nigerians are presently pursuing both undergraduate and postgraduate studies in various recognized Kenyan universities. For undergraduate studies, they are sure that in 3-4 years they will be graduating (except for longer courses). They are certain of constant electricity and cheaper internet access

And how much do they pay for these? Yes, they don't get cheap internet access and stable electricity in Nigeria, but the University of Nairobi, for example, is around $5,000 for international students, a school that is not better than the University of Ibadan or Unilag where you can attend for N30K. Why would you go spend all of that to attend a school that is not better than the ones in your country? What is the advantage exactly? You can't even live and work in that country!

that helps them earn money working online while studying and once they have their Student Pass (Student VIsa and is increasingly becoming more difficult to obtain), it become easier to apply at various foreign embassies and travel to a third country during their school holidays, many who meet the requirements do easily travel to South Africa and Europe for vacation (pre-covid).

So, don't Nigerian students do these same things? Haven't you seen Nigerian students working online and travelling abroad for graduate school? And when you talk about travelling to other African countries for vacation, isn't it about money? Will it not cost even more money to make those travels when you're studying in Kenya. If you have that money and study here, can't you go on those same vacations?

After graduation, they further their studies in Europe. I personally know 2 Nigerians who got admitted in May 2017, studied and graduated from a Kenyan University last year October with a bachelor degree, they both relocated to the UK first week of January this year for their masters as they applied for their UK Tier 4 (Student) Visa, right here in Nairobi.

Are you saying Nigerians don't further their education abroad or what? Why spend so much money to study in a country that is not better than your with universities that are not better than yours? Go to proper, advanced countries if you must travel abroad to study. Don't waste all that money studies in schools and countries that are not better than what you have back home.

Yes, why not? However, there are two potential challenges that you may encounter on your way there.
1. Some schools may not find you eligible for their scholarships because these scholarships are reserved for students who have graduated from high school in the last two years and have not had any college education. Your OND puts you at a disadvantage here because even though you do not intend to use the result, you already have some college education. My advice to you here is to not mention it at all in your application.
2. Getting a visa may be a little challenging depending on the school you apply to. My advice to you here is to ace the SAT and apply to a good school (such as a flagship state university) and have good financial support. Also, prepare a few reasons for whatever you've been doing since you finished high school, because this may come up in your interview.
All else held constant, your age is not an issue.