₦airaland Forum

IAH:
Wow! I loff this part of your post.

um, IAH I hope you know sey i be female o. And very straight. Cause that your kiss dey one kind sha.































j/k    

favour5:
NIA, don't get me wrong. I'm not supporting cheatin in anyway. but this is one reality we all v to accept whether we like it or not. men love their wives but yet once in a whlile they still go out to check themselves. i don't think here it was specific on the professional cheats but men in general.that was why i was generalising. The question was can a man love a woman and still cheat on her not why people cheat.men can and men do it in their life one time or the other(mid-life crisis is an example of when most men usually do).
it would surprise u to know that i can't tolerate any man cheating on me. if my man does, it's better i don't know because if i do , 
There is nothing good about loving and cheating!

Favour5, I was just a little perplexed that when kelvinO said that he doesn't cheat, you tried to convince him that he should see cheating as normal. That's why I responded to your post.  I live in a part of the world where both men and women cheat and it's not really a matter of "men are the one cheating" or "it's a man's thing". When people say this, it sounds like "I want your permission to go sleep around and I don't want you to get mad cause when I get back I'll still tell you I love you". After all, if I already assume that you're going to do it, why shouldn't you do it? I've practically given you my permission.

For one thing, many cheating goes on in the work place, and since women have become more liberated, financially, sexually and otherwise, you find that they cheat just like men do (although the exact figures are debatable). With this reality, I find it hard to believe that someone cheating "is just being a man" like they would have us believe back in Naija. I also wanted to know how those saying that you should forgive someone when they cheat would feel if they were in the other person's shoes--if they were the ones being cheated on-- cause saying "Do what I say, but not what I do" is somewhat hmnn--what's the word--hypocritical. I will stop preaching now, lol.

I believe there's so many problems plaguing Africa that most of his achievements seem minuscule when taken as whole. Having said this, though, I still believe he could have done more for Africa.

favour5:
The earlier u realise your weakness as a man when it comes to being responsible(as u term it), the better for u.
Have u ever heard of mid-life(mid-age) crisis? It comes on men married btwn the age range 35 - 45 (or even up to 50). Talk to any in that range who is ready to open up to u and u'll get better u/standing of life in that area. Just pray for the grace to handle it well when it comes.

hmnn, this post pulled me back in, lol.
Favour5, you sound like you like being cheated on.
What you're talking about has nothing to do with why people cheat. People who cheat do so whether or not they're going through a mid-life crisis. I'm sure you've grown up with a culture and around people who tell you that you should accept cheating as normal, and that's mostly why you believe it. If you visit a forum by people from the West, Europe, America, etc,  you will see a different mentality. I had a neighbour once (when I was in naija) who would similarly excuse her behavior, (she was cheating on her husband) by claiming that she's not receiving enough attention from her man and that the relationship is not the same, and that men do it too and blah blah blah. Does it make it right? of course not. Similarly, claiming that it's in the genes, or telling people to just accept it is also another excuse to justify the behaviour. And as long as your man knows he can get away with, he will surely continue to do it. Now don't get me wrong: if you don't mind staying with someone who cheats on you, that's really no one's concern but yours. 

But it would be interesting to ask all the male on this thread who claim that they can love someone and still cheat on them and those who claim/beg women not to leave a man that cheats on them the following question: If your wife cheats on you and still claims to love you, will you stay? After all, you should do to others what you wouldn't mind being done to you. Abi no be so?
   
@ KelvinO, kudos for your input.

I hope and wish I never get a divorce. My parents have a wonderful marriage and I hope I have the same. When I was younger I used to find this really annoying and sometimes I still do, cause they act like they just got married or something even though they been married for gazzillion years. These days, I pay attention to them though, to try and find out what makes the marriage works and hopefully, I too can have a long-lasting union like that. (So far i've concluded that humor and the ability to laugh at themselves and at difficult situations and even dumb things is a key ingredient in their union). Also, maintaning a good level of trust and respect between each other.

However, I also understand that this is not the case for many people, so there's no reason to criminalize people who get divorce. Marriage should be 50/50, somewhat. Every now and then it might be like 40/60 and maybe even 20/80 but things should even out eventually. Meaning majority of the time, things should be fairly balanced, otherwise it will quickly put a strain on the person being taken advantage of.
I believe in doing your best to make your marriage work, but things like infidelity, mental and physical abuse, etc,  will definitely make it difficult to continue a marriage and we all have different levels of tolerance, not to mention that these things weaken the trust and bond between the two people.

Again, I hope I never get a divorce but I know that things and people change and these days, divorce is not too far from reality. And I believe people who have been through divorce can sometimes be more discerning and careful when they get married again.

Chei. Spikedcylinder ndo. e go better. I can relate to some of what you're going through. But I've learned not to take people too seriously (and I'm still learning, lol). Once I can convince myself that someone is irrelevant and not worth my time, nothing they say really affects me anymore. That's how I've dealth with many things. Take heart.

Men, I have spent too much time on this thread. But TOYM28 I will answer your question. You wrote:

ToyM28:
@ NIA
my question still stands as how does the nigerian soceity encourage men to cheat. By saying men are the head of the house, or what?

No, it doesn't have to do with that. (Although, I believe the idea behind the man "heading the household" meant that a man should lead by example and live in a way that his family members can emulate and be proud of. But, unfortunately, it has been twisted to mean other things. )

When we're discussing our society and culture and how they've created the double standard (that it's okay for men to cheat but not for women), we need to look at the broader contexts in which our culture and society view sex as it relates to both gender. For one, you have the issue of virginity and how (in the past) it has been used to define a woman. If you were not a virgin, you might as well be chopped liver (that means you're worthless). However, this usually only applies to women. Men did not have to endure the same scrutiny. This is already setting up the basis that men should not have to control their sexual urges and assumes that women do not or should not get sexually aroused, or should be able to control it. Now imagine someone, a male, who is used to having sex whenever, with anyone, without restriction, without society's social stigma. When he gets married, marriage is not going to suddenely make him think that he should be faithful to one person, even if it's his wife. (Of course, I'm not saying every male in our society think like this).

We also have our history of polygamy which began when rich men decided that they had to tell the world that "they've arrived" by marrying multiple women. Rich men who could afford to marry more than one woman and take care of them finanacially, etc,  were able to elevate their status in our society through polygamy. But if you flipped the script, you found that when a woman tried to marry more than one man, she usually received negative attention from society instead. (She is a ho, a harlot, a woman of easy virtue, and so on and so forth). This part of our history has also been used to propel the myth that women should peacefully accept when their (men) run around but that women should never have any reason to run around on their husband. Which goes back to the point he was making.
Hope that's clear enough.

@ ToyM28
I think what he's trying to say is that Naija culture and society promote the idea that it's okay for a man to cheat but not for the woman. But that in the West it's different. People don't generally think that a man has more right to cheat than a woman in the West, that's why you have more women in the west who cheat. I think that's what he's trying to say.

@ hotangel, thanks

My father.

I will also add that besides the age factor, men engage in more life-risking activities than women, although the percentages of this has changed a little over the years (especially in the West).

I don't even understand why we aim to keep a particluar gender down. Society benefits when every member is allowed to realize his or her full potential and use her or his talent and skills in whatever area she/he wishes to.

This isn't a battle between who should cheat the most or MEN vs WOMEN.
To claim that one sex (males) have more rights to cheat than a woman is self-serving and all this "It's in our nature to cheat" sounds like nothing but feel good rhetorics. and an excuse to justify that behavior.

Cheat if you want to, but abeg don't assume we're all ignorant enough to buy the "it's in our nature" excuse. There are many men out there who do not cheat on their partners. Are they freaks of nature? Are they created differently from those who cheat? I beg to differ.

Someone is comparing Lions and Zebras to men and women. If all we are is animals then you have no right to complain when a woman cheats on you. Because these animals do not take emotion into account.
The very fact that you are hurt when you are cheated on but claim that you should have a right to do it to other people makes you come across as selfish and self-serving. You do not care how other people feel and you're only out to make yourself feel better. The fact that you get emotional when someone cheats on you separates you from these so-called animals.
We are NOT animals. Granted we share many characteristics with animals, but we are human beings, emotional beings and capable of free choices and thinking clearly/intelligently. There's a reason we're on top of the food chain. Nature does not dictate how we live our life. Nature gives us certain elements and then gives us A BRAIN to decide what to do with those elements.
I don't care if you want to cheat. But at least be man/woman enough to admit what you did instead of claiming that "nature did it" and blah blah blah. 

Even though I don't agree with Calabar man, I respect his view because he came on this thread and highlighted the more realistic fact that both men and women are capable of cheating and no one has more right to it than the other unlike those who are trying to propel one-sided views. 

(My .02 kobo)

Maybe it's my computer but it looked pink to me. Like a dark shade of pink.

I don't think PINK=feminine is just something that people who live abroad believes. Afterall, Seun lives in Nigeria (I think) and even he seems to agree that pink=female, since all the female nairalanders have a PINK "F" next to their username while the males have a BLUE "M".

Happy belated birthday, Seun.

Retro, what you're describing is a troublesome aspect of the many weaknesses of Nigeria's societies and cultures. Specifically, using abuse and fear to force religion on people, and turning everything into a battle of Good vs. Evil, the religious vs. the "heathen", black vs. white, etc. Conventional wisdom tells us that many things in life are quite complex and we should not be so eager to deal in extremes and absolutes. I myself was once a victim of such tactic, having grown up in Nigeria, but eventually was forced to take a more pragmatic view of what our people call religion, i.e. hell, fire and brimstone. Unfortunately, that is something you will have to learn to ignore until Nigeria is lucky enough to go through a type of renaissance (or maybe the proper term is revolution) which might force people to take a more sensible approach to what religion currently is and the role it plays in society by asking questions, and hopefully eliminating the paralytic enigmas (i.e. replacing religion with common sense) that this issue has created in our society.

Well, my break up probably isn't as emotional as some here, but I'll share anyways.
I had met my ex at a party that was been hosted by a friend of my sister's. I love dancing, so I was on the dance floor shaking my money-maker when he approached me and started dancing with me like he had know me all his life. The guy was a really good dancer, so I didn't object. I was actually impressed and when we later walked off the dance floor we started talking. To be honest, I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time. And I tried as much as I could not to give out any wrong signal. The more we talked the more I realized that I wasn't really feeling this guy. He was nice, but I just didn't find him interesting. And I felt like he talked too much (and revealed too much about himself) for someone I just met. 
But I still remembered that he was a very good dancer, so I forgave him, but still maintained that I would not start anything with him.  When my friends and I were about to leave, I told him so and tried to leave before he could get the chance to ask for my number. He then asked me for one more dance before I left. I said "sure" and this guy blew my mind again with his moves on the dance floor. So much so that afterwards when he asked for my number, I decided to give it to him.
Anyways, we dated for months and during the whole time, I tried as hard as I could to develop some emotional attachment or just something concrete for this bobo, but it just wasn't happening. I even french-kissed a random guy I met at the club thinking I will feel guilty about it and maybe from there I can conclude that I have something for this guy, but no, it didn't work. The relationship started getting one-sided too quickly and I knew I had to end it. I knew he was feeling me, cause he'd call every night and tell me about it, but it just wasn't fair to continue pretending and leading him on, so I broke things off. We still talk every now and then.
I definitely don't wish that I could go back. I don't like having to pretend, lie or lead him on. It was a waste of time and energy.

I think the question should apply to both men and women because cheating occurs among both groups of people.  To answer the question, I'll say "no".  What it all comes down to is discipline. Real love requires (self) discipline and self control.
Nobody has a monopoly on temptation because we all get tempted every now and then. What matters is how we handle those temptations. In order to prevent hurting someone we care about, we learn to keep those temptations in check. When you really care about someone and you respect them enough to conclude that you "love" them, I think you will work hard to prevent them from losing their trust in you, or make them question or abandone their relationship with you, which can happen as a result of cheating.

vokal_guy:
Hey click on the link and save the file to your computer and click on it after u done downloading.



http://www.megaupload.com/?d=23GNB6IY

Thanks man, but the website can't help me. The songs are not on my Ipod, (It seems they were removed/deleted when I started downloading songs from a different computer.) and it appears that I have to have them on the Ipod to upload it through megaupload. Thanks anyways.

Yes, I'm Interested.

What do you mean by "rip"?  I'm not sure I want to experiment with anything after losing all my old songs.

Zidane is a human being and as of yet no one knows what was said to trigger his anger. I think knowing what Materazzi said will put things in perspective but I don't put Zidane on a pedastle(sp. ??). He is not responsible for telling young people how to handle confrontations. That's their parents' job, not Zizou's.

Orikinla:
I asked a question.

How about a woman slapping a man?

I have seen a wife slapping her husband and a girlfriend slapping her boyfriend.
The husband did not divorce her and the boyfriend did not end the relationship with his girlfriend.

If my babe slaps me, I won't retaliate and that cannot end our relationship.

If you have been slapped by anyone, be it women or whatever, you can press charges if you want. Personally, I find it childish to use such tactics to get your point across, regardless of who's slapping who. To me it signifies disrespect and if a partner (whether it's a man or woman) feels the need to descend that low, then there's no reason to stay in the relationship.

Fifa should find out what that guy said to him and if it's anything bad (racists, ethnic slang, personal insult etc, ) Metarazzi (or whatever his name is) should be fined. I think losing the world cup and a red card was enough punishment for Zidane. We should wait for an explanation of what that guy said.

Seun:
How exactly did he use the children for rituals? Do the rituals even work? These are the questions that are bothering me.

And they should. It's disturbing. We need to start using our mind to find solutions to problems instead of these excessive belief in superstitions.

Men, I can't believe Zidane head butt that guy like that. Dang. Maybe the guy was talking about his mama or something. Penalty kicks are just horrible. France played well, though, regardless. Well, African teams need to represent in 2010.

Of course, I don't advocate slapping anyone, be it housemaid, houseboy or whatnot. Violence is violence, no matter who it is being directed against.