₦airaland Forum

nferyn:
I know. I actually wanted to include that in my post. That my background in a deeply religious society might have been at work when I perceive this people in their natural elements and everyday lives. Hmnn, I suspect that would prolly be the case for a while. I do like that Atheists tend to be more laid back and relaxed about many things, but i'm just not sure the belief that "anything goes" necessarily makes the world a better place (of course neither does the extreme opposite).
Why do you assume that so many atheists think that anything goes? When there's no external, unquestionable basis for morality, there's room for rational situational ethics. There is a sound evolutionary basis for human altruism, even without divine commands.
I personally am a weak utilitarian humanist and I am every bit as moral as your average theist, definitely far more than the average
That all depends on the source of their opinion of specific issues. If there is no rational basis for a specific moral position, I tend to discard it. An example: most theist objections against suicide are religious in nature and not really rational. In this specific case, I would say, as long as one hasn't made any lasting commitments like having children or marrying, one is free to decide what to do with his own life, even if it means terminating it.

Nferyn, I stated earlier that I am only speaking from my experience. I don't know what percentage of atheist have that outlook on life, but my personal interactions with those have met have often left me with that impression. It's not that they lack the abilty to make logic based decisions about ethics or morality. But lack of belief in a deity does not stop you from being a human being with emotions and decisions made based on what they feel is right (with no reference to logic but on emotions) is what i'm reffering to.
About your take on suicide, I'll have to say that that's a low requirement for something so permanent. At the least, I think it is best that something like suicide is not done as a permanent solution to a temporary problem and all other avenues have been thoroughly exhausted.

nferyn:
@Nia,

It might be that your encounters are somewhat coloured by observational bias and perhaps by the specific cultural context of the place you reside in. I'm assuming now you live in the US and it takes a special kind of person to come out if you're living in a place where theism is the norm (the same goes for Nigeria to an even larger degree), this obviously means that the more extreme people (both positively and negatively) are likely to draw attention.
Where I live, religion is a private matter and it is not done to publicly express your religious affiliation. In this context someone's atheism is as inconsequential for a public persona as someone's favorite colour.
If you mean by spirituality a feeling of awe and wonder over the marvels of the world, the feeling to be deeply connected and responsible for the world, then it does not take any kind of religious belief to feel that.

I know. I actually wanted to include that in my post. That my background in a deeply religious society might have been at work when I perceive this people in their natural elements and everyday lives. Hmnn, I suspect that would prolly be the case for a while. I do like that Atheists tend to be more laid back and relaxed about many things, but i'm just not sure the belief that "anything goes" necessarily makes the world a better place (of course neither does the extreme opposite). I prefer to take each issue as they come, so to speak, rather than an ultra liberal kind of outlook on everything. I'm not saying theist cannot be extremely liberal, but it tends to be more of a characteristics of atheists. This, of course, doesn't change the posts I made earlier in this thread. Cause generally speaking, I have no problem getting along with or being married to an atheist.

jogego:
All the best. Out of curiosity, what apple laptop are you using? The old ibook or the new mac books?

Make u no get mad o, my brother. but I'm just now seeing your question. I have a 14-inch iBook.
I like the good customer service I get from apple, but my mac sometimes acts retarded. I remember downloading Limewire on the thing only to have it start crawling. (Although I've heard this happens to other brands as well). And I think more institutions (i.e universities) tend to cater to windows compatible ones than mac. It doesn't mean I hate mac, but I was just trying to see if there's anything better.  Thanks again everyone.
@ Meedu, it's all good. There's no such thing as too much information about these things.

I see where Chinani's coming from. This is just anecdotal on my part, but anyways.
My ex boss was agnostic, although I thought he was more athestic than agnostic. I also had an old colleague who was also an atheist. And there was the Nihilistic tendency Chinani talked about in both individuals. I don't mean they were horrible people, but if you can imagine the extreme opposite of someone who lived their life in fear of punishment from an higher power, that's how these two seemed to live. A type of "no holds barred" kind of mentality, kind of like "everything goes". I, of course, don't claim all atheists are like this. It's just an observation.  
And this doesn't mean I advocate for the type of religious extremity that goes on in Naija. (I have spoken against this many times). But I think a small amount of spirituality in individuals doesn't hurt.

Spiritual.

The insults on these pages are really unecessary. We should be able to disagree without raining down insults. And if more rationality instead of an unhealthy reliance on a higher power were employed, a good amount of Nigeria's problems would prolly be non-existent.

I do not encourage work place romance and relationships. Things can turn ugly and get complicated very quickly. Just understand the risk you'd be taking if things don't go right between the two of you (maybe lose your job). If you don't lose your job, tension might develop after the break up. And working with someone you're dating can make you both get tired of seeing each other quickly.

kimba:
Easy, Yemstar, There is no government without people. The people are actually the government.

This is very true in more ways than one. The people who are looting us and stealing money did not come from mars. They come from our culture, and grew up in the same country. While we may criticize, we should also ask ourselves how many of Nigeria's population will actually get in power and NOT turn corrupt and loot the same way their predecessors have. I think we need to start looking at our culture. Corruption has become the order of the day. Every where you go, before you can do anything, you must bribe somebody.

Goodness, where do I start? From the over-acting to just outright horrible acting to the continues shouting, to overexpression by the actors and actresses, and overdramatization of everything, to withcraft, juju and silly love stories. To terrible attempt to become Westernized, and the list goes on. I can't stand watching a Naija movie. I have tried many times but it is just unbearable.  Nollywood should start focusing on issues that are affecting Nigeria. Why not make a movie about Nigerians of different ethnic groups banding together to fight corruption? Or just something that leaves you thinking? Why not make movies that tackle some of the problems Nigerians are facing? Or address parts of our culture that are detrimental to our improvement? Things like that will surely encourage the younger generations to look at our problems and work at solving it.

It is unfortunate that Naija lost this woman.  A talented and beneficial addition that could have changed the country even more than she already has. There is something seriously wrong here. In 2006, these are the type of people we should be encouraging to help make changes in that country. I was looking forward to this woman doing more for naija. There is nothing worse than wasted talent, especially when it is much needed.

Yes o, you should definitely get tested before you get married.

I won't say I haven't been tempted to start smoking. Peer pressure can be a mutha sometimes. And I use to think you look cool holding that cigarete in your hand like you just don't give a damn. But I'm health consious and I think that's probably why i never picked up the habit. I have a friend who's got asthma and Tuberculosis (TB) from inhaling too much second hand smoke cause her parents were heavy smokers (and she ended up being a smoker too, go figure). I don't envy her. I definitely stay away from cigarette and people who smoke simply for health reasons, though, not out of discrimination.

@ Justmoi, Thanks and well said.

CoolDave:
@Nia, You did say its hard for you to expect your husband to treat you with respect when you get money from him,tell me,that is ,if you are married already,does your husband give you money or not and if you are not married,I'm sure you are just making some fuss about the whole issue,ladies like you end up getting much more from your guy when you get married.
50/50 huh,thats a laugh--I find it difficult to believe you Nia.
Do take care of the nice guy though-He has good intentions

Cooldave, I have no reason to come on here and lie. I don't see the point, since i'm not trying to impress anyone. What I wrote is what I mean, so i'm not sure what scientific research you've done to conclude that "Ladies like me do this and that". I think having (financial) independence is important and healthy for a relationship. I also believe there's much respect in working to earn your keep, which is why I stated the issue of respect. I started working at 15 and ever since I have always worked. Yes, my parents still offered to give me the allowances, but it was optional and since I had a job, I didn't need to rely on it. I would also help pay for some of the household bills every now and then. I understood how this relieved some of the financial burdens from them and also noticed that my parents treated me differently. Like an individual who has matured and knows how to make responsible decisions in spending the money she worked for. That feeling is priceless, I tell you. And it is something I've learned to see as normal. It's not just a characteristics of male, as you seem to be trying to turn this issue into, but more of a human thing. Working hard and being self reliable is something many people respect regardless of gender.
You seem to think this is a personal attack on you or your wife, but I don't see why or how. We are not all zombies. but people from different backgrounds and experiences, therefore we are bound to have different opinions.

WHAT I THINK YOU FIND OFFENSIVE: is my statement on the issue of control.
I do believe that marriage and courtship is different than that of a parent and child. Of course there are wonderful men who do not abuse their position as the financial provider, but unless you believe every man in the world is perfect, I don't see why you should find what I wrote offensive because the reality is that financial security IS a way that some people use to trap and control their partner and it has been done (though sometimes unintentionally). I am not saying everyone does this, but it happens. If for some reason your marriage begins to turn sour, maybe there's mental or physical abuse or what not,  it is very hard for the person who is relying on allowances to leave that marriage when they don't have financial security. Their only option is to suffer and smile. I was not implying that this is the case with you and your wife, by no means, so I'm not sure why it is you find my post offensive.

CoolDave:
Thanx to you all for your wonderful and unbiased contributions---Different views,war of words(babe1,mamaput and diddy),its so wonderful having various posts and people sharing different opinions,well,I believe this has to do with the couples--whatever their decisions and resolutions are has got  to be respected.one man's food they say is another man's,you know what!
one fact is this,and I think u guys should understand that when a man gives allowance to a lady,it doesn't in anyway mean he regards the lady as his worker or something---I think this is the worm of inferiority complex that eats and gnaws at the wombs of so many ladies,you decide to give them allowance,they term it to be --"Hey beware of the muscle-man"--he wants to be your lord,bla bla bla.
Eve in the garden of Eden then had every right to do whatever she wants and she didnt feel that Adam was a bully.Ladies with inferiority complex should check themselves else they'll have stomach ulcer--not proven yet! Come to think of it,they are the one clamouring for equal right for the women folk--what a misconception!Just live your life and the guy would respect you,that is ,if you treat him passionately--men's secret.

lol. I think some of these was directed at my post, so i'm going to respond. Having full control over your life has nothing to do with inferiority complex. I think we might need to revisit what that term means so we don't confuse issues. Wanting to feel financial independence is as human as anything else. Unless I'm making a huge decision like buying a car or something, I should be a able to buy whatever I want, whenever I want without having to ask my husband for money. And I stated that, IMO, I would feel better (read deserving of respect) knowing that I too have worked to earn that money. I do not think my husband should be out there working his butt off to provide me with allowances. I would feel better knowing that he doesn't have to work as hard because, I too, am out there working to supplement the household income. Good luck to you and wife.

Money gives you power. As long as you're having to look to someone else to give you money to take care of yourself, you do not fully have control over your life. They control you. Everyone should strive to work hard and bring in their own money. I am definitely for 50/50 on this issue. IMO, It's hard for me to expect my husband to treat me with proper respect while i'm still asking him for allowances.

@ All of una
e go beta for una well well. Una no go run out of pounded yam, stock fish, or palm wine proper when hunger strikes. I have sent her everyone's comments.

iice:
@Nia, i know! Yumilicious i tell ye lol.

watched pirates of the caribbean twice at the theatre, lol. (Sorry to get off topic, leaving thread now)

It depends on how long the relationship lasted. I've done it before, but the guy and I only went out for about 6 months. And we still talked as friends afterwards. Now, if it was someone I was with for a long time, (say a good 2 or 3 years or more), then it would be wrong.