₦airaland Forum

Ghana definitely played better in this game. They need more practice on shooting on goals and need to learn to not fall for the off-side tricks the Brazilians were handing out. but even though they're going home, their presence in the WC was definitely felt. The respect they've earned coming in as the underdog has not gone unnoticed. Kudos to these brothers.

I think what I find ridiculous is the indication that being married to a leader automatically makes you powerful which seems to be what her being on the list is suggesting.

Drusilla:
First wives are powerful if they so choose to be.

However this time it is confusing to me also. I normally know exactly what the first lady supported during the pregnancy.

I do not know anything Laura Bush supports.

Nancy Reagen -- say no to drugs
Grandma Bush -- literacy
Hillary -- Health Care

What the heck does Laura Support?

I'd say it's more commendable when you achieve something like that on your own, which many women already do (not through association with someone else or by being married to the man in power).  While all the women you listed should be commended for their hard work and dedication, I can not consider them powerful. Using your position for good is nice but it doesn't make you powerful, IMO.

hmnn,
I don't know why Laura Bush is on that list.

Nothing is impossible. I am behind my Ghanaian brothers all the way.

I am going with Portugal on this.

I know there are females who like "bad guys" but I think most times, it's just for fun. You don't really expect to have a serious relationship with a bad guy. I can't understand how any normal human being can find being treated like crap attractive, but anyways.
I think "nice" guys tend to be too nice, though. The right guy has to be somewhere in the middle. You don't have to be an ass but being too nice is not attractive. I remember an ex who would never take a stand or make decisions. It was always, "it's up to you, baby", "whatever you want to do is fine with me, babe". At first, it's kinda cute cause it shows that he respects your judgement enough to allow you to make decisions for both of you in a relationship, but eventually, it becomes annoying. Nobody wants a puppet. Even with regular friendship you don't want friends that you can push anywhere and who never wants to take a stand.

naijababe kudos for your post. If we all had such insight we will no doubt feel the effect in Nigeria in the coming years. Those in power are only interested in taking their share of the national cake and using ethnic differences to continue to divide, confuse, and distract the masses. Division does not end with Igbos, Yorubas and Hausas. You also have divisions and disagreements within each ethnic group.

I will second the notion that a coup at this time would likely break up the country, but I will not say that a coup or an attempted coup is impossible.

Anigboinam:
Nia, Your debating skills are lacking. I don't know where you recieved your educational training because its obvious fact presentation is not your strong point. Its based more on philosophy and fictional inuendos and less on reality. So I will let my previous post stand until there is a better clearer arguement to respond to.  If you take that as an insult rather than constructive criticism. So be it.

Nevertheless,
What is the crime? That I cannot state a simple preference. Men like women who cooks.

OHHHHHH the travesty for a male to say such a thing. He wants to take a womens rights. He's defining her. He's threatening her into submission by even uttering his wishes. (roll's eyes) This is a primary example of when PC culture has gone out of control.

If there is a thread Why do men have to work? Why can't it be optional.
Nia I hope you will be as fervent in your opposition.


p.s. the above post , gender n/a telling.

LOL

@ Anigbonaim
My brother, if we want to engage in a healthy debate, then we're better off staying away from personal insults. If you can't poke holes in what I have posted you're free to disengage from the discussion. But throwing out personal insults when you can't properly diagree with someone is childish and immature and will quickly take away from intelligent discourse. 
You don't know me and I don't know you. Up till now, I have given you the respect anonymity (and a healthy debate)requires and if it is too much to do the same in return, I have no problem stopping the discussion. Again, ad hominems does nothing to disprove the points I raised nor do they help make your points any accurate or agreeable.

Anigboinam:
Re: Why Do Girls Have To Cook?
« #120 on: Today at 05:06:52 AM » 

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***************************************************************************************************
hmnn, what I wrote is that your experience is no more important than theirs. You are a man, but you are not THEIR man. We all have our different experiences and no one person's experience is more important than the other. If the women who say that cooking should not define her as a woman say so because they live or have lived with men this way and cooking has never been a defining aspect of their relationship, why should their view not hold water? They are speaking for themselves and, in a sense, THEIR men. *****************************************************

>>>That doesn't make sense.

It's pretty self-explanatory.

Anigboinam:
>>>My point most men would like a women who cooks. I'm speaking as a man.

read my first post again. Your views are your views, you do not speak for a whole sex/gender.

Anigboinam:
>>>They are speaking as woman. There isn't a post in this thread where a woman has offered their Man's opinion. So this ambiguous assertion that I'm not accepting other experiences is a phantom argument,  based on nothing.

If there's mutual agreement between the women (who have posted here) and the men (the ones they live with) about the arrangements within the household, why is it difficult to see that they also represent their boyfriend, lover, or partner's view? If they both live in a household where there's agreement that cooking is not exclusively left to one person, that means it is a decision that is supported by the males they're with. Logically speaking, they also represent their partners' views.

Anigboinam:
>>> What do you suggest? Maybe svc who posts on Nairaland to marry a hippy from  Amsterdam  in order for cooking to be optional?  So opinions of Niaraland aren't valid?  It seems you want to be ducking from the prevailing point of view with this commentary.because your theory lacks substance.

hmnn, my words have never been so twisted and misunderstood. I don't know who svs will marry. She might have a preference for people who she grows up with. She might take a course in art when she goes off to college and fall madly in love with a German, or somebody from Jamaica. She might decide to never get married. She might change her mind and get married to someone from work when she's like 30. She might get hearbroken by someone from a particular region and decide never to date anyone from that part of the world. She might like a lot of men and get married many times to different people from all over the world. Nobody knows.
The only information we know is that she doesn't live in Nigeria. Unless you know FOR A FACT who she will marry, neither you nor I have the monopoly on who or what culture should be dictating her life for her. That is a decision she will make and become more comfortable with as she gets older.

Here, I will try to break things down for you:
In case you don't know, Nairaland is not the only naija forum. There are countless numbers of forum for people from Naija. Let's assume svs asks a question about cooking on nairaland.com. then goes to naijaryders.com. I can gurantee that the responses she will get will be different. For one, the demographics of forumers on each forum are different. And if she gets two different answers from two different forums, which one is suppose to be more important? Common sense should tells us that RANDOMLY going to a forum for any accurate analysis is flawed and should not be used as the sole representation of a majority.

Anigboinam:
I have already addressed this generalization. ******************************************************

>>>No you dodged it with a ridiculous point and didn't offer an alternative.

You will have to read my post and understand. Everything is self-explanatory.

Anigboinam:
>>> You said. "You might want to also include the fact that these people come from similar geographic regions and cultural background. Logically, their responses would be similar." <<<<<<

>>>You have zig zagged yourself out of a point. You already conceded majority of people on Nairaland will side with my opinion but now you cast doubt  Culture has an important influence in shading ones attitudes and opinions.

Hmnn I don't know how my words can be twisted so much. If you go to a naija forum where majority are Yankee born Naijas or people who grew up or live somewhere out of naija, (like svs), they are less likely to arbor the traditional ideas you have on Nairaland. A great majority of people on Nairaland post from naija and l stated earlier that within Naija, you are likely to find similar sentiments like the one pajimoh expressed.  i have never disputed that culture influence people's attitudes and opinions.

Anigboinam:
>>>SVS is on Narialand probabilty quite high she's Nigerian of Nigerian heritage. If she plans on marrying within her culture, wouldn't it be wise to know what the prevailing themes are?

***********************************************

unless you know her future for a fact, I don't see what your point here is.

Anigboinam:
From my understanding, she's not complaining because it's difficult. She's complaining because she doesn't LIKE it. Something doesn't have to be hard for you to dislike it.**********************************************

>>>I don't like doing alot of things but I do it because it must be done. Similar with cooking, someone must do it.

my brother, good for you. That's a decision you've made for yourself and as long as you're at peace with yourself I respect that. But not everyone need to make the same decision.

Anigboinam:
**********************************************
Also because she doesn't want cooking to define who she is.****************************************

>>> Can you quote her saying that? or yourself?

this is what she wrote:

but anywayz,i just don't feel that women should be stuck in the kitchen

Go back and read more of her posts and you'll get a better understanding of what's she's saying.

Anigboinam:
>>>I remember reading the book, "when things fall apart.", by Chinua Achebe. ( Very appropriate title with this line of thinking. )
While having a discussion about the book, a white young lady with long hair and tongue pierced told me how wrong my culture was for subjecting women to 2nd class citizenship. Asked me why aren't the men cooking and raising the children and women hunting. I looked at her and asked her why can't she  appreciate and learn about another culture, Why must she always look at the world through a feministic lens? I think your projecting your own agenda on SVC. I wish her mother tells her the importance of cooking in a Nigerian household. How plaintain, rice with stew, foofoo and egusi soup are relished and the women who prepare loved.    If you want to promote this western laisez faire role of nobody has a role , thats your choice. However since this is a cultural based forum, I will promote the culture.

I don't see why this is be taken personally. if you want to live like chinua Achebe said, good for YOU. If you want to live like Michael Jackson good for you. Pick anybody you want to live like, good for you.  The important thing is having freedom to live however you want. If you enjoy watching women sweat when they make rice, good for you, when they make fufu, good for you. Even when they make amala, LOL, good for you. There's nothing that says every man or person has to like the same thing. I will suggest you read this thread thoroughly and carefully to understand the originator's intent.

Culture is not stagnant and the only constant thing is change. If people disagree with the traditional way of life, they are FREE to live however they want. If you subscribe to traditionalism, GOOD FOR YOU. If other people don't, GOOD for them.

Anigboinam:
>>>You didn't understand the analogy that is all. Male and females have roles within the family unit that have withstood the test of time in Nigeria. Some roles are not optional. It not optional for me to not to work. Its not optional for me to have more than one wife or sherk my duties as a male. See the connection(?) probably not.

There's no analogy in people refusing to cook and somebody sleeping around or trying to get a second wife. It's apples and oranges. You have many women who choose to cook for their husbands and the men still go out after other women and sometimes marry them. So no, your analogy leaves much to be desired.
You are free to say you don't want to do certain things. Just find someone who agrees with you and live happily ever after. The beautiful thing about the world is that it is filled with very diverse people and not everybody thinks the same way.

Anigboinam:
**********************************************************************************************
What does this have to do with cooking? I have said it in the past and will say it again. Like religion and many other things, we make marriage a DO or DIE affair, unlike the west. The west did not have a 50% divorce rate when it was taboo to get a divorce and when society frowned on it. Unless you can prove that women choosing not to cook is the root of 50% divorce, I don't see what this has to do with the discussion. **********************************

>>>Isn't this convenient? Unlike the west? WE? who is we?   You are the same person who doesn't recognize or readily dismisses cooking by women as a primary task in the Nigerian culture. Now states we (Nigerians) take marriage as a do or die affair. You understand culture in this instance but not in respects to cooking??

hehehe I am rolling on the floor with this. Now my naija-ness is in question.

Anigboinam:
>>>Let me remind you there is a courting stage before marriage. Where men and women make an informed judgement based on what the males and females can bring to the relationship. So a woman who can't cook might not even get to the stage of marriage.

The last thing I need to do is come to a forum for dating tips. And in all likelihood you and I probably don't hang around the same type of crowds, so thanks for your advice, but i'll have to pass.

Anigboinam:
>>>"Woman Defined by cooking" , Who said this other than you? Am a defined by being the bread winner, doing hard labor?  This feminsitic mutated version of what svc said is your problem. It clouds any reasonable discussion with you.
You like using that phrase as if it can disputes what most men and some women are saying in this thread. Men like women who cooks. Simple. They look for that quality because they feel it brings stability in  a family.

I suggest you read the entire thread. 

Anigboinam:
>>>Its his opinion as a man that not having a women cook is a bad sign. Maybe you don't like the way he phrased it but I tend to also think that way. I think giving a truthful opinion is better than giving a theory based on rare possibilities of a man thinking otherwise. Where is the data suggesting this? , i.e Men saying I don't really care if a woman cooks:
1. You could have easily given this from your own experience which you didn't

Hmnn, I'm not privee to disclosing info about my intimate relationships on a public forum. It's not something I like to do. But since you asked, yes, I have been living with my partner for a few years. And no, cooking is not just my job. It's a chore we share together.

Anigboinam:
Giving theories and fairy tale possibilities of a man not caring if a women cooks is not responsible. No one is threatening her just giving a prevailing point of view.

You continue to speak from your experiences and consider differring opinions as "fairy tales". But again, you're one man and you do not speak for all. 

Anigboinam:
Again, it makes no sense to marry someone who you know doesn't like cooking and then try to punish them by cheating or disrespecting them. Not all men are that vindictive or stupid. *******************************************

>>>Who has said this?  Fictional based paraphrasing of something that was never said?
The prevailing point once again: Men like women who cooks.

I tell you, we will continue to have problems communicating if you don't actually read the thread.
Here’s one such reply from mizkay

@ all the girls who say they can't cook/wont cook blah blah blah blah blah. Piece of advice - no cook now. no problem. but no cry when i come cook better food for ya man and them him follow me come run away from you. knowing how to cook is an art, a talent. it is first and foremost for your own benefit and then that of your man/subsequent family. it is a GOOD thing. trust me. Ask all the men who have left their women for the simple reason that they were rubbish in the kitchen. I know my cooking well well o! No man will run away from me when he starts eating from my pot! word to the wise,

Its funny if a man states he would like to be with women who cooks, its a threat, but you as a woman can give a mans opinion and call it  informed. My sister please stop projecting your traumatized past into this discussion, I come from a very stable household were women are respected. Please give the same respect in allowing me to give an opinion from a Nigerian male's point of view.   

There are other men that have expressed that they prefer females who cook. And I have not focused any attention on it. Again, you should read the entire thread carefully and get a better understanding of what's going. There’s nothing wrong in stating your view and moving on. That’s what mature people do. And we should all respect each other's views. Getting highly emotional and trying to intimidate people to conform to your view does no justice to your view and sometimes makes it less credible. And neither is replacing insults with otherwise, constructive and interesting discussions.

This your way of quoting na helele o, LOL.
Let's see:

Anigboinam:
>>>>So these women are speaking for themselves and men? How convenient.
Perhaps they are speaking for themselves as a woman as I am  as a man.

hmnn, what I wrote is that your experience is no more important than theirs. You are a man, but you are not THEIR man. We all have our different experiences and no one person's experience is more important than the other. If the women who say that cooking should not define her as a woman say so because they live or have lived with men this way and cooking has never been a defining aspect of their relationship, why should their view not hold water? They are speaking for themselves and, in a sense, THEIR men.

Anigboinam:
>>>>Plus. Don't you think its interesting practically every male in the thread has disagreed with svs position?

You might want to also include the fact that these people come from similar geographic regions and cultural background. Logically, their responses would be similar.

Anigboinam:
and you will be hard pressed to find a man who wants a woman who doesn't cook.

I have already addressed this generalization.

Anigboinam:
>>>Here's an idea, ask the question directly tp women: Who cooks in the household? It would further bolster your position of men's opinions , if the question was actually posed and answered, and not assumed.

hmnn, we can already assume what majority ON NAIRALAND would say. But how is that accurate? What percentage does those on Nairaland represent? How substantial is this to who svs is LIKELY to get married to, if she decided to get married? we would again consider their background etc

Anigboinam:
******No one is saying anyone should take the "easy way out". Cooking is not rocket science and it's not like walking two thousand miles. *********

>>>If its so easy why is she complaining about it in the opening thread?

From my understanding, she's not complaining because it's difficult. She's complaining because she doesn't LIKE it. Something doesn't have to be hard for you to dislike it.  Also because she doesn't want cooking to define who she is.

Anigboinam:
>>>>Minimizing the role of a women  i.e cooking optional, taking care of kids optional, cleaning household optional, is as destructive as saying a man working  is optional, a man can have multiple women, its optional.  I think you reap what you sow and if a person wants to make an informed decision knowing the pros and cons to her action, great. An uninformed decision,  painting a pretty picture (i.e any man will be with a women who can't cook) is not realistic and to me is a FAIRY TALE.

LOL, my brother, this your arguement dey one kind sha. We are now bordering on slippery slope type fallasies. I see no connection whatsoever with what you're yarning. How does seeing cooking as optional mean that your husband should look for more wives to marry? Now if we're saying SVS should start cheating on her husband (when or if she gets one) or start having mad passionate love affairs outside of her marriage then I can understand the analogy.  I think women should work with their husband to bring in the money. He should not be the only one responsible for providing financially for the family.

Anigboinam:
You do know the US has a 50 percent divorce rate? Are you sure you want to emulate them?

What does this have to do with cooking? I have said it in the past and will say it again. Like religion and many other things, we make marriage a DO or DIE affair, unlike the west. The west did not have a 50% divorce rate when it was taboo to get a divorce and when society frowned on it. Unless you can prove that women choosing not to cook is the root of 50% divorce, I don't see what this has to do with the discussion.

Anigboinam:
>>>Again what sense does it make painting a fairy tale picture that all men like women who don't cook?? The point is informing svs. You call it a scare tactic, I call it reality.

hmnn, my brother, I must challenge you to post where I wrote this. I never wrote such a thing as "ALL MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO DON'T COOK." What I wrote is that all men DO NOT define women by whether or not they can or cannot cook. This is a lie and a generalization and experiences tell me differently.

Anigboinam:
>>>Agree, but if your a women knowing the odds of men who like women who can't cook, aren't you better prepared? Its the same for a fat man who tries to choose a woman for marriage. He should know the odds aren't good at finding a woman who likes morbidly obese men. BEING INFORMED IS KEY not a SCARE TACTIC.

I think you're missing the point. Now, i think everyone should try to learn any skill that will give them more independence and make them more self-sufficient, like I stated earlier. But why would anyone see not cooking as having a curse on your family? Giving a onesided view and trying to discredit others is NOT proper information. Again, no one person's experience is more or less significant than the other.

My brother, we now live in a world where you should hear both sides of the arguement and then make an informed decision. But saying things like 'you will have a curse on your family, your husband will cheat on you et cetera, is not a proper tactic of informing people, ah ah.  Again, it makes no sense to marry someone who you know doesn't like cooking and then try to punish them by cheating or disrespecting them. Not all men are that vindictive or stupid.
Nor is it appropriate to be threatening her life because she doesn't want to subscribe to "traditional" ideas ("You will have a curse on your family" etc). Or negatively getting impassioned because other people live different lifestyles from the traditional.  Being properly informed means hearing all the views out there and letting yourself be guided according to your personal preference and what you're comfortable with. It's NOT bullying or scaring people and giving one-sided accounts of what life should be. I would never shout down someone who prefers to live traditional because that's their preference and I respect it. I was raised differently and I know that influences how I view the world. But we should all give each other that same courtesy. Again, we all come from different walks of life.

Anigboinam:
Don't mean to be so harsh, but let's get real abeg.*******

Lets get real. If we took a poll of men who want a women who can't cook, it would be extremely low, probably close to zero. Only ones saying cooking is optional are other women and if she plans on being celibate or with other women, she might want to take that into consideration.

Please let me know when you've conducted the poll nah, LOL.
And why can "other women" not contribute from their own experiences? Are YOU not speaking from YOUR experiences? I didn't think one person's experience is more important than the other.
Do (some of) these women not live with men or are they not dating or married to men? No one is saying anyone should take the "easy way out". Cooking is not rocket science and it's not like walking two thousand miles. 
The problem is not having a preference for it and trying to force someone into something through "scare" tactics or claiming that your worth as a human being or a woman is dramatically reduced because you don't like to cook. (i.e. "Your boyfriend/husband will leave you if you can't cook" "You will not be respected" et cetera).

What you call "westernized thinking" I call "common sense". If a man marries you, knowing you don't want or like to cook and then decides to leave or run around for the same reason, what sense does that make? And if you're a female who knows you don't have a preference for it, why would you marry someone like that in the first place? Either you have major miscommunication going on or you're both not serious to begin with, LOL.  Because the only sensible thing to do is to settle down with someone who thinks like you do. Like I stated earlier, we're all a victim of our experiences and no one can speak for whole group of people.

retro:
Lie. If he loves you, he won't kick you out. Oh, what do you mean by 'you are placing a course'? Course as in meal? What's that?

I think he means a "curse".


@ pajimoh
why are people (especially Africans) always trying to threaten (or should I say "scare" people into doing things? Maybe I have been in the west for too long, but this baffles me. If it's not religion, it's something else. Why do you think everybody think the way you do? Why try to make everything a life or death matter? Have you dated every man and know for a fact that that's how every man thinks?

The world if full of different people from different walks of life. Now I admit that if you grow up in Naija, you will encounter many people who think like you do. But even then, you will have men who don't see the issue of cooking as a life or death matter.

If you prefer that your wife knows how to cook, then that's your preference and that's good for you. if you can't respect those who can't cook, then that's your palavar and that's good for YOU.
But this "Your boyfriend will leave" "You will not be respected" and other tactics people try to use to intimidate people are a little ridiculous.
Don't mean to be so harsh, but let's get real abeg.

@ Leftee
from what you described, it doesn't sound like the purpose behind the man's (or "the thing"  as you call it, LOL) outburst was the need for validation. It sounds like he wanted to let you know that he's been with the woman and that what you now have is his "left-over", so to speak. In which case, like you stated if cooler heads had not prevail and some open-mindedness (mainly on your part but also on the woman's as well) was not to be found, you prolly would have reacted the way he wanted you to by seeing the outburst as an attack on your manhood and maybe start feeling anger and indignation towards the woman.
And if the woman was the type that was not comfortable in her own skin, she would have gotten highly offended about being accused of sleeping around.
It's a common game that jerks like to play, but I don't think it's limited to Naija men.

To a certain extent, yes. My parents are not the type to "disown" you or get angry if you don't take their advice (unless it's something they really feel strongly about) and it's made me appreciate them much more. One thing they rarely do is say "i told you so" if you ignore their advice and what you choose to do turns out wrong. A lot of Naija parents like to gloat when their children make mistakes after ignoring their advice ("Shebi i told ehn. You did not listen to me. Now look at your life" ) I find this immature and i'm glad my parents don't do this cause it makes me respect them even more.

mizkay:
@ all the girls who say they can't cook/wont cook blah blah blah blah blah. Piece of advice - no cook now. no problem. but no cry when i come cook better food for ya man and them him follow me come run away from you. knowing how to cook is an art, a talent. it is first and foremost for your own benefit and then that of your man/subsequent family. it is a GOOD thing. trust me. Ask all the men who have left their women for the simple reason that they were rubbish in the kitchen. I know my cooking well well o! No man will run away from me when he starts eating from my pot! word to the wise,

Hmmnn,  maybe you should go after men that will love you and respect you for you regardless of whether or not you cook or whether or not your cooking is terrible. My sister, if a guy wants to leave because of cooking, your problem is bigger than food.

svs, cooking is not about marriage or preparing yourself for marriage, unless YOU allow it to be. IMO, you should take on any skill that will grant you (more) independence. For example, my mother and father thought me how to cook. They never forced me to, but most of the time, I was willing to learn because if I ever needed the skill, it would always be available to me. When I went off to college and lived on my own, this skill was very useful.

When or if you meet someone you're ready to settle down with, and you decide to get married, you will have a lot of say in your union or the arrangement between you and your guy. You will have the choice to marry a "traditional" person or a "modern" guy. Modern, meaning one who doesn't care if you cook most of the time or if you cook half of the time or if you both decide to hire a cook.
What's more, you can always learn to cook anytime.

svs,  When you get older and have a demanding career, you prolly won't even have to ask this question because you'll likely discover that compromise about certain chores between you and your partner is a necessity, but this depends on where your career takes you. Now, there's more to cooking than just the physical aspect. It's about the effort  and the time that you've put in your cooking that shows that you care about the person you're cooking for. So, you are right to demand that it should be a two-way street. I will not tell you that you HAVE to learn to cook, because that is a decision you need to make for yourself. But I will advice you not to forgo the knowledge solely out of spite for the sexism or the double standards that occurs in our society. Again, any knowledge that allows you more independence is generally/usually a good one.

@ Makeda
congrats on your union. I wish it long life and many more happiness to come.

@ Big Sis
all your criticisms are well received and you have touched on many subjects that Africans should focus on and work on to improve. For example, tribalism and different levels of female oppression is not something that should be swept under the rug because we find the truth inconvenient or too hard to swallow. Even being on this forum in the short while that I have, the amount of sexist jaundice (and to a lesser degree, tribalistic jagbajantis) that pollute it is sometimes sick enough to force you to log out with immediate alacrity, LOL. But I try to battle the temptation to do so and try to understand that our culture and the way we've been raised is highly responsible for this and cannot be ignored. Sometimes people just need to be enlightened and unconditioned. Truth is, at one point or the other, we have all touched on one or more of the subjects you've highlighted.

Having said this, though, I must disagree with your approach and the angle with which you've presented these issues. It is harder to give due respect to your views because of the way you've chosen to project it. You speak/write like an outsider who is not genuinely interested in working for the betterment or on solutions to these same problems you're presenting but someone who wants to use it as an opportunity to attack. Also, while you wrote of your displeasure at what you perceive as "BIGOTTED STATEMENTS", you continue to make similar statements (and arguably graver) accusations.

While you state that "no group of people think alike", you propel generalistic statements that reads like everybody from Africa DO act alike and think alike, to just highlight a few of your contradictions. I will stop here because I do not want to take attention away from the points you've raised, which I believe would make our society better if we focus on dealing with them. 
But I will state that we MUST work together because we can achieve greater things when we do.

I think you should stay out of it and let your friend deal with her own issues. Your only advice to her should be that she should not be giving her new lover that kind of money.

abeg, what is going on o  ? enh? something (somebody??) keep putting an m next to my name and I know I didn't do it. I am not a man jo!

@weev, thanks  


@ToyM28
IMO, yes, I would consider that feminism as well.

ToyM28:
Dats why i have an issue with feminism, not that my work and walk with illiterates. In fact, momsy and popsy, are hell bent on educating african women 2 speak out. And that it their job. They do that.

So people saying i shld walk with more educated are just being unfair, i know what am talkng about. M not just some illiterate trying 2 sound funky, i know that feminism has been takng to the extreme and if we are not careful, it would be again.

When I said you should broaden your horizon, I wasn't trying to be offensive. It's just that when someone writes things like "women are too emotional to_______ " or "women can't do this cause they are women " it speaks more about the writer and it comes across like the person who is speaking has a limited view of the real world. Again, I wasn't trying to be offensive. (For example, I know several women who kicks ass in everything they do because they have high expectations of themselves. I also know women who can't be bothered with competing for top positions and those who lack the competitive drive to be in leadership positions.) Having said this, it would be hard for me to make the type of generalizations you did in your post or claim that patriarchy is what society needs.

I understand your point that some people take feminism to the extreme. And I oppose those kind of extreme life styles partly because it is a quick way to turn into the same thing you're trying to fight against. Not to mention that men have also greatly contributed to the feminist movement. 
Having said this, though, the extremities in feminism is no reason to demonize the entire movement or cast a shadow on the accomplishments this movement has made in our world today. Especially when we consider that without such movement, you prolly wouldn't be able to log on to Nairaland and share your opinion unless a male guardian gives you permission  

Most of the freedoms women have today would not be possible without the past feminists that dedicated their lives to such a cause. Again, I, too, oppose extremities and I will also add that feminism still has some ways to go.

ToyM28:
@ chinani, their are some positions in soceity that if women take up, would be inaffective. That is because we are emotional 2 handle such positions. An example of these positions is: RELIGIOUS LEADERS. By religious leaders i aint saying a priest in church, i mean Bishops, Popes (influential religious positions).

Dont get me wrong, i hate male chauvinism and egotistical behavious sometimes. But i have to agree that patriachy and matriachy works well in a soceity 2gether. If wowen were of equal leaders in religious situations, i'm so sure that we'll get 2 upheaved about most of the criticism and emotions that this men can recieve almost everyday.

Patriachy is not bad, equality is good, but we have 2 know the distinction between eqaulity and unreasonability.

LOL
I don't want to make any assumptions here, but I'll say you've got to broaden your horizon and move around with intelligent (and different types) of women so you can get a better perspective on life.
There's nothing written in a woman's DNA code that says she can't or cannot do THIS or THAT. How you grow up and the experiences you grow up with strongly affects the type of person you become. This is where generalizations--like the ones you made above-- loses the plot.

For example, you can't put a woman who grows up being prepped to become successful or to set high goals for themselves in the same category as those who are raised to believe that their ultimate goal in life is to become a good wife and know how to cook, or that being an emotional wreck is the norm. Conventional wisdom tells us that these people will likely take different paths in life. And will use what they have been taught accordingly. All in all, I will encourage you to move around different circles of women.

Seun:
Feminism is about some women wanting equality and being punished by those women who enjoy the status quo.

LOL. Yes, I agree that some women are their own worst enemy.

I agree that the way some Nigerians embrace religion is unhealthy, and should we abolish all religions, it would certainly reduce some of our problems. In the long run, though, it might create others. For one,  people need to believe in something and I am unconvinced that a completely GODLESS or nonbelieving society will be more peaceful than what we currently have. 

Concerning our culture, people need to be willing to compromise. Compromise will help us to achieve greater things than complete elimination of our culture.  I am not sure how Obansanjo wearing agbada should be a factor in the improvement of the country. Asian and Arab dignitaries have worn their traditional garbs to meet with foreign leaders. Substituting our cultural garment for "western" ones and calling it "advancement" is a little absurd.
Again, what we need in regards to our culture is to compromise. Among the revolutionary generation of the founding fathers of the US, you will find that not one person was completely happy with the solutions that were drafted for state sovereignty. Throughout US history, you will find that the willingness to compromise has always helped to improve the country than dogmatic loyalty to one idealism or belief. This is especially crucial when you have the type of diversity that exist in naija.
This is also a problem among older generations of Naija--lack of willingness to compromise, but I believe that that is changing among younger generations.

We also need to restructure the concentration of power.  Too many power is concentrated in the central gov't. I believe its important to make the government powerless without the people, so to speak.

Our biggest problem is battling our culture of corruption and instilling a sense of nationalism in citizens. Religion, ethnicity, et cetera, are small problems compared to this one. Thing is, many people who claim to be religious or claim loyalty to their thnic group will suddenely change tune when you wave a little green in their face. And too many people want a piece of the national cake. And that will continue to cripple a country like naija. Only truly unselfish people can help improve that country.