₦airaland Forum

LOL, someone mentioned that their problem is continuity, I can definitely relate. There's a lot of things I think about and wonder if i could be great/exceptional at, if only I'd spend more time practicing.

For example,
        Football/Soccer--this is prolly one of the few things I've really stuck with, but I still don't dedicate enough time to it. I started playing when I was young and in Naija and when I moved abroad, I still continued to play, but not as much
Dancing---I took some dance lessons (ballet, tap, etc, ) and even though I enjoy them, I stopped going, partly cause i felt like dancing made you too self-centered/self-counscious and I didn't want to be like that (something about always making sure your body is in the right shape, not too fat, to be specific) LOL.
Swimming--I thought of being a professional swimmer, but I eventually got bored and quit
Writing-- i've written some things, abandoned them, then gone back to thrash them all, these days I don't even bother unless it's compulsory.
Reading--I still read, although not like I use to, but I always try to read, mostly political novels now, though.
Singing-I am always in some singing group or something, so I still do this

All of these are not even part of my future career goal (which is in the medical field).

My ultimate goal, though, is to get a pilot's license when I can fully dedicate the time.

mochafella:
That's for your eyes only

Chei! this kin toast get as e be o. Person no even fit examine the goodies before hin commit. 
Anyways sha, I no know if you fit fit inside my harem which is already full of hot young studs  .

mochafella:
You wan make I kill the woman during action .

LOL. Come o, I know say Chinani dey talk sey "man no be wood", but lesson number one: abeg, no take out sexual aggression on any woman over 50, jo. unless you wan send em to an early grave. (Pun Intended).

I agree that we shouldn't pick someone "because they're a woman". People are human and anyone is capable of corruption. However, I believe Okonjo-Iweala is still a very good candidate for the job.

I don't know if this has been posted before, but she was on NPR talking about the explosion in Lagos. Here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5415239

LOTR all the way.

chinani:
@Nia
I'd like to agree to disagree. We both recognize that "the problems facing the AA community are vast" and complex. Let's leave the rest for another day. Shall we?

Sure thing.

mochafella:
hell nah, when did we start discussing your neighbour . I thought you were the teacher?

LOL, ol' boy, wetin nah? you dey fear?

Alright, post your pics, and measurements, make we see,

chinani:
Thanks Nia. It's about time mochafella got a girl lady friend. Man no be wood.

I don't mind hooking him up, but he's been picky. 

chinani:
I see what you mean. Good point. I should have wrote "in my experience" b/c I'm sure it's not always that way.
I disagree with this. I think the turning women into sexual objects destroys their self respect & self esteem. W/o self respect & self esteem women are not able to live up to their full potential and mostly run from one man to another. To me the "get rich or die trying" for boys & the "where the ballas at?" for girls are one in the same.
I also respectfully disagree with this point. While many single mothers are good role models, the single family household is really home to many problems with - as you've noted many orgins & sources - and the HUGE one is DRUGS. Some of these mothers on drugs. Black single mothers are the fastest growing population in American prisons b/c of drug abuse. And if you watch tele you will see that most drug abusers aren't immediately arrested etc. This means that children grow up watching their mothers on drugs etc. I actually know a few people personally who had mothers who smoked mj when they were kids and they're like "That's hood life. E'ery body's momma was at my house w/ her anyways." I think that has a lasting effect. Also DAUGHTERS NEED FATHERS AS MUCH AS THEIR SONS. Imagine what the world would be if all women GREW UP with the love of man? Might not be as many teen pregnancies.
I'm glad you feel the same way.

Chinani, all of your points are valid and they go back to the fact that the problems facing AAs are vast. However, since we are discussing those that play a role in the discrepensies between the two sexes when it comes to attaining college education and my objection to the idea that "the males are encouraged [by their parents] not to  pursue college education because they don't want them to be "punks" or "sissies", we must look at those factors that are related to this part of the problem. Yes, drugs are a problem among AAs and should we dig deeper, one would discover the racists aspect of how AAs are more likely to be prosecuted for drugs than their white counterparts who commit the same crime. However, I don't see how this negates the fact that the lack of a male presence in the household contribute to the problems that negatively affect males. When you say that some women develop low self-esteem because they're being sexualized by the media, I don't see how this translates to "getting rich quick and ignoring education". Yes, the media impacts the two sexes, but it does so in different manners to contribute to the ills of the AA community and if we're talking about the impact education-wise, I am yet to see the research that states that "having low self-esteem" will cause you to forgo a college education.

mochafella:
Nah, waiting till later will be like adult education classes, I shall be ancient by that time . It is better to teach when the student is willing, young and able.

hmnn, alright. Well, I've got this sixty-something year old neighbor who would looooove to meet you. Kindly send a photo (without any clothes on), your measurements, and some proof that you have not been involved in 419, and we'll be on our way.
I hope you don't mind, sha. But you'll have to take her to see her doctor every first tuesday of every month to replace her false teeths,
She must sleep all day Monday until Tuesday morning,
Wednesdays, you have to watch her favorite shows together, "Widows With Cats" while Delicately massaging her feet. (also feel free to whisper sweet nothings into her ears while you're doing this, just make sure she has her hearing aids on).
Friday nights, she must have her usual dose of a few glasses of rum and coke. Be patient if she starts calling you random names. (Your memories can be trying at such an age, you know).
Every other days, you can fly on private jets and vacation in the bahamas

dangel:
Thanks again. She does struggle to get up from a low chair or if she's sitting on the floor. I've noticed that she only wears shoes that she can slip on because I think she would have trouble tieing them. Probably not a goo sign,

Why don't you try replacing food items in your fridge to healthier versions. And if she asks why,  (WHITE LIE ALERT!!!)  say, "so and so recommended this different version of  [insert item], his wife bought it last month and they said it was very good and even tastes better than the other one." 

I would recommend switching to organic foods. They're much healthier and just as tasty as regular food items. The only thing is that they're a little more expensive.

I don't know. I think if someone tries to kill me. But it depend on how they want to go about it. Now if they want kill me and do it quick, then I think can forgive them. But if it's one of those people that would like to watch me suffer slowly before killing me, then, NO, I can't forgive them. cause that's just low.

@ Chinani
I wasn't trying to be offensive and we can all learn from each other through these discussions   

chinani:
@Nia
Whoa! WHoa Whoa! I never claimed that Africans are superior to anyone. I was responding to a specific point which I thought would clarify things to Dakmanzero and others. I did suggest that the disparity between African males & females in college & Unis _{in America} is very small

I was refferring to what you said when you said this.   

But if the "black" man is Naija, no dey yarn. They already know bout us. 

If your intention was not to claim superiority, it is well noted. It's just that some people like to claim superiority to African Americans, ignoring the fact that Africans, too, have their problems.

chinani:
But my dear, the disparity has more to do with the influence of t.v. Remember, black women are the most demeaned women on this planet, in America especially. So that should affect men more than women. The saying goes, "Charity starts at home." So with other things. It all begins in the home. So a disparity between men & women in college - any race - has to do with the home. And a disparity of 7 to 1! Haba! The tele ain't doing all that.

This is what I wrote:

There are many explanations but a few is that the influence of a parent who is unable to spend enough time with their children is gradually replaced by T.V.  If you notice, the negative lifestyles in Hip-Hop and rap, the get rich quick or die trying messages etc,  targets black males, and devalues the importance of education.

There's a difference between turning a group of people into sexual objects (as is the case with AA women) and encouraging people to forgo education and "get rich quick or die trying" (as it the case for AA men). Demeaning women does not authomatically translate to "forgo education". Females and males receive different messages from the media, and since we're discussing the "educational disparities" it is fitting that we focus on those that influence why people are not getting education. One cannot negate the effect of the media on (young) people.
Like I stated in my earlier and in the above quote, the reasons are vast. One of them--along with the ones I stated earlier-- being that females usually have the advantage of a female role model, i.e. their mother, while the males usually do not have the advantage of a male role model, i.e. their father. Men and women go through life differently and when these role models are absent, it presents/contributes to the problem. And yes, you're right that we're prolly on the same side than not, especially in the fact that we both recognize that there's a problem (in the AA community) that needs to be addressed.

hmnn, I'm a Centrist. I guess it correlates, since I've always been an independent.

Your PERSONAL issues Score is 50%.
Your ECONOMIC issues Score is 50%.

Hmnn,  so many things to do

But I think, i will create a non-profit organization for potential leaders and people who are passionate, conscious, and dedicated to making things better in Naija and in Africa in general. The first thing we'd do is hire someone who's good at writing grant proposals, so we can apply for more grants, cause money would play a key role in continuing the organization. Then, we will budget the rest of the money so that we participate in at least one community service each month or maybe every other month.
One of this might include working with the Red Cross and holding an AIDS/HIV awareness day or week (with free testing) in a certain location in Naija, maybe somewhere up North. Or doing a clothes/shoes drive, and collecting used (but clean and well washed) clothes and shoes or other items and taking them over to Naija. Even collectively writing petitions and letters to leaders abroad (maybe even collectively hold protests, as in the case in Darfur) when they are in a position to make positive changes in Africa. Or drawing awareness to malaria and collecting donations to help those who can't afford to pay for vaccines for malaria. We'd definitely have scholarships for college students in Naija. And whoever wins the scholarship will not just get money for school, but will get financial assistance with materials for school, clothes and shoes as well.   

The organization would prolly need Board members and all that stuff. The members of the organization would most likely be college students and up, who are passionate and dedicated to making changes in the country in their own way, be it as future doctors, nurses, lawyers, engineers, human rights advocates, etc,
Our focus would be to keep up with everything that's going on Nigeria, politically, and discuss it and we might also discuss possible solutions to the problems in Naija. But the ultimate goal would be to encourage them to become potential leaders and bring changes into the country. We'd prolly have so much to do and I think human dedication is equally as important as money in this instance, but anyways, I think i'll stop here.

mamaput:
The woman taht lives downstairs gets bashed von her husband everyday.
she has lost the one or other tooth. and she stays with her husband.
I thing her children schould be like her .
The son should beat up his wife and the daughter should get beating up.

LOL

@ chinani, I was nodding along in agreement to your post until I got to this part:

chinani:
It is culturally in regards to the A-A community. They all want their daughters to be smart but their sons? Let's just say they don't want their sons to be "soft" or "sissies" or "punks" or "f*****" or "nerds". It's a dramatic thing here. Even in Uni some A-A men will put down on others & the only difference between them is academic committment.

No parents in their right mind would allow their children to forgo education because they don't want them to be "punks" or "sissies". The problems within the AA community is vast and not as simplistic as it is being viewed. The effects of slavery is still very present among AAs. When we completely disregard it we do injustice to AAs and the facts that people are only human.
For example, the culture of single motherhood and fathers abandoning their children within the AA community. This is a remnant of days when black fathers were not allowed to take care of their children because as soon as they were able to work, the children would be sold. AAs were never given the chance to form concrete family structures. 
Now, let me clarify that there's nothing wrong with being a single mother. There are many women out there who do excellent jobs in raising their children.
However, there are others who face challenges at this task. When you are a single parent, you are the only financial contributor in your family. This means that unless you have a great job that pays well, you are prolly working at two, sometimes three  jobs to take care of your family. The more you work, the less time you have to spend with your children, less time to help them with their homework, talk to them about school, encourage them when they feel discouraged. At times, your TV start playing your role. 
Now why is it that even though both males and females go through this, the males often come out worse, that is, less educated than the females. There are many explanations but a few is that the influence of a parent who is unable to spend enough time with their children is gradually replaced by T.V.  If you notice, the negative lifestyles in Hip-Hop and rap, the get rich quick or die trying messages etc,  targets black males, and devalues the importance of education. I think there are many self-destructive cultures within the AA community and it should be noted. However, one cannot disregard other uncontrollable problems in the community, including racism.
You could prolly write endless pages on this topic, but anyways,

But claiming that Africans are somehow superior makes one wonder how, with all our resources in Africa, why we can't get ourselves together, we keep allowing crooks and corrupt politicians to rule our country, to keep our people in poverty and oppressed, and when it's all said and done, these leaders did not come from mars, they come from the same place and same culture we come from. In any case, without AA's past contributions, I doubt Africans can come to a country like the US and feel comfortable.

mochafella:
oooooo, what I would give to be a student in that class.

Really? well, don't worry, when the time comes, I'll let you know and we'll see if you're eligible. Now if you're an old grandpa by then, you know I'll have to pass. We can't be old together. I'll need someone who can lift me off the ground in that very romantic way without breaking their back, LOL.

I've had a couple of embarrasing moments, some i'll prefer not to remember. But I'll share anyways. 

It was some years ago. There was a guy I had met at school and I had been trying to go out with for weeks. And every time I thought about asking him out, I concluded that he'll say no and  that he prolly wasn't feeling me, so I'll change my mind. Then one day, he called me up, (he'd gotten my number from a mutual friend) and asked if I'd like to go out. I, of course, wanted to scream but instead, I just coolly replied "yes".  So we set a date for that weekend (saturday).  On friday, I hanged out with a couple of my friends and we ordered Chinese take out from a nearby restaurant.

(GROSS ALERT!!!)The next day, I woke up feeling dizzy and unsure of which way the food I had eaten the day before was going to come out at. Whichever it was, I had to get to the bathroom, ASAP. The thing eventually came out both ways . The whole day, I kept throwing up and running to the bathroom. I mean, my yansh felt like it was on fire. And I eventually silenced the voice in my head that told me going out in that condition wasn't a good idea.

To cut a long story short, the date was miserable, I had to run to the bathroom about three times. Hell, I was even surprised I didn't pass out before it was over. surprisingly, though, my date was a perfect gentleman and very understanding, and wasn't pissed even when I would tune him out when he starts talking or completely ignore him as I was obviously disoriented. When he walked me to my doorstep, he decided to kiss me good night. (Such a sweet guy!). And in return, I threw up all over him.
I avoided him like a plague afterwards, but we eventually had a second date and he, of course, made fun of me for months afterwards.

@pssword
Okonjo-Iweala spoke out against the third term.


I would vote for Okonjo-Iweala (or El-rufai), if she shows interest and decide to run. She's what Nigeria desperately needs at this time. Someone also mentioned Dora Akunyili (sp.?) and I agree. These are people that could positively impact the country and move it forward, something naija really needs right now.

mochafella:
Well I think they'll take the toys bought by their "sugar-mummies" instead.

hahahaaa
true talk, o, my brother. 
I'll prolly want to spoil my 30 year old, maybe even teach him a thing or two, LOL.

EbonymanUK, I completely agree. Allonym, made some very insightful observations as well. I was raised to be ambitious, to work hard and become successful, and independent and that's something I am very grateful for. This is probably why I can't imagine marrying someone for money or refusing to marry someone because they make less money than I do. And I disagree with "dumbing down" for someone, just to stroke their ego. Having said that, though, there's a difference between not "dumbing down" and being "arrogant". Arrogance is a big problem, that can destroy a good relationship before it even starts. But being a hardworking or ambitious or successful woman does not translate to being arrogant and I think that's a common error some people subscribe to.

mochafella:
erm, some might consider that cradle-robbing.

LOL,
I didn't think 30 year olds still use cradles.

Rosby:
Say you are 30, the guy is 19.

I wouldn't do 30 - 19. but when I'm old(er) and I want someone to make me feel younger, (and I happen to be single at the time) I might consider it. Say, 50 - 30

dangel:
Thanks Nia. That story is pretty scary, but do you think my wife's at that point? She seems to be pretty healthy apart for being obviously overweight.

To answer your question, No. The patient was bed-ridden because he couldn't move around anymore and was having problems breathing on his own. I'm assuming your wife can still move around and can still breathe on her own. However, looking at the picture, I would say that there is cause for concern, especially if she continues to eat the way she does and doesn't see anything wrong with it. Being overweight puts a lot of pressure on our body and stresses it out faster/quicker than what would normally take place and puts our health at risk for other illnesses. One reason being that the heart has to work harder to pump blood through the entire body. If this continues for a long period of time, it will begin to affect the heart and shorten one's life span. Now, her situation might not end up as grave as the patient I mentioned in my earlier post, but I would strongly suggest that you try to see a physician, and let them give you a more accurate analysis.

By the way, Ajisafe, I initially just included "black men" because I assume that the creator of this thread is prolly a black man.

Ajisafe:
How does this sound to you?:

You lot are all pathetic. Whitemen can't present a reasoned argument about the ideas they support.I have not encountered any intelligence from the Whitemen which may cause me to change my mind.All I read is a vindication of my argument about the inherent inferiority of Whitemen.

Just my 2 cents.

Yes, I should have added that one, too. I will go ahead and add it. If you got anymore, keep it coming

@ mamaput,

Although, I don't think 4play is actually serious and he's probably just laughing his head off with all the attention the thread is generating, you raised a very important point.
Racism, sexism, tribalism, and every other "isms" can easily be used for what's going on here. Just replace every post the creator of this thread has made and change the word "women" to black men and "men" to white men and vice versa, or input Igbos, Yorubas, or Hausas or other ethnic groups in Naija with either the word "men" or "women" and one we'll see how silly the whole thing sounds.



For Example:

Original quote from 4play: You lot are all pathetic.Women can't present a reasoned argument about the ideas they support.I have not encountered any intelligence from the ladies which may cause me to change my mind.All I read is a vindication of my argument about the inherent inferiority of women

TO

You lot are all pathetic. Black men can't present a reasoned argument about the ideas they support.I have not encountered any intelligence from the black men which may cause me to change my mind.All I read is a vindication of my argument about the inherent inferiority of black men

Or

You lot are all pathetic. White men can't present a reasoned argument about the ideas they support.I have not encountered any intelligence from the White men which may cause me to change my mind.All I read is a vindication of my argument about the inherent inferiority of White men.

OR
You lot are all pathetic. Yorubas can't present a reasoned argument about the ideas they support.I have not encountered any intelligence from the Yorubas which may cause me to change my mind.All I read is a vindication of my argument about the inherent inferiority of Yorubas


OR
You lot are all pathetic. Igbos can't present a reasoned argument about the ideas they support.I have not encountered any intelligence from the Igbos which may cause me to change my mind.All I read is a vindication of my argument about the inherent inferiority of Igbos

OR

You lot are all pathetic. Hausas can't present a reasoned argument about the ideas they support.I have not encountered any intelligence from the Hausas which may cause me to change my mind.All I read is a vindication of my argument about the inherent inferiority of Hausas

OR even Naijas in general


You lot are all pathetic. Nigerians can't present a reasoned argument about the ideas they support.I have not encountered any intelligence from the Nigerians which may cause me to change my mind.All I read is a vindication of my argument about the inherent inferiority of Nigerians.


I just wanted to expand on your point cause I thought it was a pretty good one. The reality is that the world is full of many ignorant generalizations and we are all a victim of somebody's generalization.
I hope Mr. 4play would find it just as funny when he encounters a generalization that affects him.


My two kobo

This news puts me at peace and would inform future leaders that they would face challenges if they don't obey the laws of the land, although money can still change this in the future, considering Naija's polity, if the right people are given the correct ghana-must-gos. It is still a very welcomed development, sha. OBJ needs to encourage Okonji-Iweala to run. He needs to put his support behind her. Either her or El rufai has my votes.

Afeni:
Wow, the church has done an excellent job in getting you ladies to conform. I am sure that the words of the bible is not in anyway reflecting on the sexist society that existed in those times.

Well, you know what they say: You can fool some of the people all the time, and you can even fool all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all the time.
I think it's a mini-reflection of the state of Naija. As Naija gets better and things begin to improve in the country, people will wisen up.

dangel:
Thanks. I wish it was as simple as that. I know she wasn't skinny when we met, but normal-sized. I knew that she liked to eat, but it was after we got married that she really started to overeat. At first I didn't worry about it but after the first year she had probably gained 15 kilos and it kept going from there. She says she is happy the way she is and that she was genetically meant to be big. But I can also see that she eats very large quantities of fattening foods and snacks throughout the day. As she has gotten heavier, she has become less active and spends more time eating, just making the problem worse. It seems to be a viscious circle.

I'm sure it's not going to be easy, but when it comes down to it, you've got to practice some "tough love". I am usually very conscious about my health, but even I go through times when I just keep eating like there's no tomorrow. I do this when I have some deadlines to meet and I'm under a lot of pressure. I notice that it is usually around this time that I put on most of my weight, because I direct all my attention to the tasks I need to complete and pay less attention to what goes in my mouth. Over the years, I have tried to improve by curbing this habit, but I'm still a work in progress.
Similarly, you can try to look for signs in your wife's habit and take it from there. I can't stress the possible ramifications of obesity. My sister is a nurse and recently lost a patient because of this. The patient was very obese, which led to other problems as well, including those that I listed earlier. He saw also suffering from emphysema, bronchities and edela (in lay man term this means a lot of liquid in a certain part of the body), in this man's case it was excessive amounts of liquid in his stomach, making it difficult for him to breathe. By the time he died, there was practically no circulation around/below the knee.
I am not trying to scare you, but if you care for your wife, you've got to talk to her and try to help her. She might not appreciate it now, but she'll thank you later.







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