₦airaland Forum

ohhhhhhh  my,
dangel,
obesity can be a big problem. It's also a breathing ground for other problems as well, (high blood pressure, high  cholesterol, etc, )  Obesity complicates everything and worsens problems that could have easily been treated had the person not been obese.

Tell your wife you love her and you want to grow old with her, something you might not get to do if she doesn't get help. Try to find out why she's eating more--is it emotional eating? is she stressed out about something? or even depressed? Hire a dietician (sp ?) (if there's one where you are) to start preparing her food for her and advising her, if you can't afford to do this, clean out whatever is in the fridge and storage/pantry and replace it with healthier things, change how you prepare your food--i.e. don't fry everything, try baking, get her interested in something active and participate in it together, get rid of anything that's not water or a healthy liquid, start counting calories and gradually reduce it as times go by, and have her talk to a doctor about the potential consequences of being obese in case she doesn't want to listen to you, sometimes we need to hear things from the horses mouth, you know. 

www.webmd.com is a fairly informative site for good health info,

good luck.

Interesting thread. To answer your question: No, a woman should not have to "submit" to her husband, but many people like to twist things and use their holy book to get what they want out of relationships and life in general. This has been the case since time immemorial.

It's interesting that you point out something some people like to ignore: which is that believing that your partner has to be weak/submissive in order for you to be strong. Having a submissive wife doesn't make you any more powerful than a boxer who is fighting an opponent that is clearly less stronger than he is, but yet he's happy that he won. Now if he fights someone who is as strong/powerful as he is and still wins, then we can say that he is truly strong. Otherwise pouncing on a weaker opponent and thinking highly of yourself is something else, but "strong" is not the word that comes to mind.

But what's more interesting is how marriage is still seen through the lens of egoism and self-interest. IMO, this is a remnant of the way marriage worked in Africa in the past. We must remember that in the past, marriages in Nigeria (and many parts of Africa) were not really about love, but more for comfort, convenience, financial arrangements, etc, which is why the laws were rigid about "women must do this and not that"

IMO, marriage is about partnership, sharing, fairness and equality. When you decide to marry someone they become a part of you in a way that no one else can. So much so that, at times, things that bring them pain, brings you pain as well. Having said this, then, I don't know why you would want to have them "submit" to you like they are below you.

A man who wants to cheat will cheat, even if he has three wives. If the only reason he's keeping three women are for their vaginas, then I say good luck, cause I will bet that even three vaginas will not stop him from running around outside of marriage.

I don't think all the blame should be on men. Women are guilty of encouraging the double standard as well, by saying things like "a woman should lose respect" or is 'ho" when she sleeps around but claim that a man's "just being a man" when he does the same. Women themselves contribute and encourage this double standard and don't understand that what they are doing actually affects them as well in the long run.

hmmnnn
I know Nigeria's a little backward, but damn, this is 2006.

nferyn:
This I agree with. I can understand that some people need religion to feel whole and thus subscribe to a certain doctrine. My point is that it is not the religion that deserves respect, but rather the actions of people that act out of a religious conviction.
Whatever drives someone to do good is irrelevant, it's the good deeds that count.

nferyn, you cannot completely disregard the basis on which people do good. Yes in a perfect world everyone should naturally treat each other well and be decent to all, without the encouragement of religion.
But this is far from reality.

Now on the one hand, you have the underlining reason for why European Christians came to Africa in the first place: To educate "the savages and the godless" in Africa,  all the while exploiting their land and milking resources from Africa for their people back home. Something that obviously warrants disrespect for the religion, and rightly so.

However,  prior to the advent of Christianity in Nigeria, twin babies were thrown into the woods and left to die because they were seen as a curse/ bad omen. With the arrival of Christianity by Christian missionaries, this eventually became non-existent. Without Christianity as the basis, we can't conclude that this action would not have continued, at least for some time. If we assume that the action was caused by Christian beliefs, then we must give it it's proper due, not just the people.

Another positive change that some religion makes in society is that it reduces stress and, again, the loss of lives. What I mean is that when a society changes from polytheistic (which was what Naija was) to monotheistic, they don't have to worry about pleasing many gods, just one, or making many sacrifices, which sometimes include human lives in some cases. (Of course you can also argue that blowing up yourself and other innocent people in the name of Allah doesn't do much justice to this claim), but anyways

But in the context of Naija, assuming monotheistic religions never emerged, people would prolly still be worrying about the proper sacrifices needed for Sango, Obatala, Ogun, Oshun, Yemanja, and et cetera,  (although some still do this)

I think as a people we prefer if something is either one or the other: all good or all bad, (deserving of respect or not deserving of respect) but most things in life are too complex to be so simplistic.

Personally, I believe many religions could use more common sense, tolerance, and less focus on mysticism, as well as encouragement of human beings' capabilities to deal with their own problems rather than "leaving everything to God" or in the case of radical muslims, fighting Allah's battles by "blowing up infidels", treating women like second class citizens, etc.

Eventually we must ask ourselves if the world today would be a better place without religion--all religions-- and that's something I think is debatable and both sides of the argument would have enough proof to back up their claims.

I would say religion doesn't deserve respect simply because it's a religion. To be fair, some good things have been achieved because of certain religions. Similarly, however, bad things have also been achieved in the name of these religions. Therefore, one is inclined to respect the good that has been done . However, the good does not make the bad insignificant. You will find many examples of people who use religion and their holy books to justify their ideas and wants, and to oppress others as well.
For example, the crusades, oppression of women, the KKK, and even in Naija, some people might justify polygamy because their book says so, but disregard that their book also say that everyone is created equal and that no one is more important than the other. (I remember a Christian neighbour who once said the Bible never spoke against polygamy,and so he is justified in practicing it even though the same Bible say that a union is between man and woman not one man and many women).
Unfortunately, supposedly "religious" people are notorious for "picking and choosing" words in their holy book to justify their own wants, needs, and ideas something I think does more damage and DISRESPECT to their religion than any atheist or unbeliever ever could.
but I digress.

Overall, I think religions can be tolerated and respected as long as they provide something positive to society--and only respected for those positive aspects--and when they do not, they should, likewise lose respect.

Afeni:
Is sex even important to women? There is nothing to worry about. Most women would stick around, unless they whores.

LOL, body no be wood o.

Temptation is a mutha, yeah, especially when the guy is as sweet as you say he is.

And the reality is, you might do this and get away with it (I know a couple of people who have)

or karma might one day bite you in the butt, what goes around might come back around. (And hopefully, your guy and his friend are not setting you up to try to test you).

Whatever happens though, you'll be hurting someone else.

You've got to put yourself in your guy's place and wonder how you'd feel finding out your best friend was hooking up with your boy. I don't think it would be a wonderful feeling.

Having said this though, I think you should reevaluate what you have going on with your guy, cause this is prolly not the last time you'll get tempted, so maybe what you both have is not strong enough to fight temptation and whatever else comes your way. And maybe you need to go your separate ways.
Now, whatever happens after you go your separate ways is fair game
Good Luck

Kai! I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. This would be a real test o. 
But I'd stay just for the child and to be an emotional support to him, but I will have a lover on the side and make sure he doesn't find out about it. That way everyone's happy.

Maybe i'm a little cynical, but these days I actually expect guys to become jerks when i tell them no, based on some past experiences. For example, there was one incident where this particular guy was hitting on me as I was walking out of a fast-food restaurant. The conversation was as follows:

GUY: Hey, baby can I call you sometime?

NIA: (walking out of restaurant) No thanks, I'm very busy

GUY: Don't play hard to get, baby, I just want your number

NIA: (keeps walking)  I'm not playing.

GUY: well, there's plenty of fishes in the sea and you're too dark, anyway.

NIA: (laughs out loud and walks on)

The worst thing, though, is when you befriend someone, thinking they're really trying to be your friend. At first they are very polite and respectful. And then (after a few months or so) they ask you out and you say no, and afterwards they start treating you like crap.
I usually just wave them off and dish it out raw cause I hate it when people act immature like that.
Having said that though, I have a few guy friends that I've been cool with since we were in diapers, LOL, so I have to disagree that most guys are jerks.

I will stay away from a man who thinks he's too "macho" to cry. That can be a turn-off. Everyone should cry, we're human beings.

If I know that my death will bring positive changes to Nigeria and that afterwards things will not go bad again, i see no reason why not.

lovely_S:
As a matter of fact i don't c anything wrong in Gal asking a guy out, but not in a country like nigeria because if anything should go wrong in the future,the girl will B humiliated by the guy because he wount hesitate 2 tell his friends and others that she is the one that wooed him.But my advice 2 any lady that have 2 do such a thing is that they should come 2 be friendly(without sleeping with him) with the guy 4 sometimes (probably days,weeks or even month) By so doing the guy might have known her better and will not call her a cheap thing or something.LUV U ALL!!!

I'm not sure why anyone would ask out a guy like that in the first place. If I notice a guy is closed minded like that, I'm not even attracted to them, talk less of asking them out. I prefer my men to be open minded.

If I like a guy, I'll drop some hints and if I think he's feeling me the same way i'm feeling him, I'll ask him out.

pieta wrote

naija sha, we like double speak.
in our society as we know it today, many married and supposedly 'close-married' folks drown in extra-marital affairs in secret but are quick to condemn same act in the open.
its a case of many of our moral saints frowning at prostitution but would 'carry' their daughter's age mates from university campuses for fun parties,meanwhile believing that their daughters would not dare behave as such.
what is important is being true to yourselves and being realistic.
Will Smith and mate are realists and their mutual agreement has brought their union this far, in a Hollywood where marriages are made and broken in hours.

poser:
would you like to know the pressures your partner is going through in dealing with the opposite sex or rather get to know about it the hard way when the deal/harm is done(HIV,a child out of wedlock, for the guys--someone else's child palmed off you, etc)?

Very well said.


I admire Jada and Will's honesty than the hypocritical rhetorics some Naijas like to feed themselves.
These two individuals are making responsible decisions to live a less stressful life in a community (Hollywood) where it is very difficult to keep your vows or keep a union together. Many people in Hollywoood run around and these two have decided that rather than go through the hassles of trying to keep things secret and having the other person feel betrayed and hurt, you leave things out in the open and let both individuals have the opportunity to fairly do what they want.
I have no objection to those who want to practice open relationships. In fact, I imagine it would be less stressful for everyone concerned.

More power to Jada and Will.

Blueocean I like the pictures. Keep 'em coming if you have more, 

About Indian men, I think the generalizations and stereotypes can be applied to other people as well, including many countries in Africa. Submissiveness is still very present in many parts of the world. Eventually, it's all about finding a good man that's perfect for you and that means knowing as much as possible about the person before getting married.

I am usually hanging around people from different countries because, even though I'm a Naija-born American I feel like a global citizen for the most part and I've always enjoyed my experiences with dating people from different cultures and different parts of the world. However, i have met very few Indians that I have been attracted to, <<<I hope that doesn't sound mean>>>. Although I seem to have developed a preference for Latinos, LOL.
To answer your question, though, I see nothing wrong in dating someone you are attracted to and care about, no matter where they're from.

You have a reason to be suspicious. Women are increasingly becoming nototrious at perfecting the cheating game. There are some that have their man convinced that the man they are cheating with is just a "friend" or some "co-worker" and sometimes, this "friend" might even be friends with their boyfriend/husband.

I don't know the dynamics of the relationship between you and your girlfriend but if you have a close and descent relationship, you should talk to her about your concern. Let her know it bothers you and that you cannot continue if things don't change.

Your other option is to try to play the games with her too, (i.e. calling up a female friend and acting suspiciously). That is, if you two are not that serious to begin with. I say this because one of two things might happen: She might get jealous and decide to pay more attention to you if she thinks you are acting suspicious or might be cheating, or she might continue to do what she's doing and even try to beat you at the game.

You can also try to investigate a little further to get a clearer picture, but don't invade her privacy, just play things cool.

My two cents.

Two of my sisters are married to younger men. There's nothing wrong with being with a younger man and I think at times, many women enjoy the youthful vivaciousness they bring to a relationship. Although i'm not saying older men are boring o. Eventually, it's the chemistry and how you gel with someone that matters.

dracosh:
what does "real women" mean to you? i want to know if i have ever met one.

Young girls are often too confused and too young to know what they really want, hence, why they would fit the list. A real woman knows what she wants because she knows herself. She's not wishy washy.

Whatever I achieve in life I'll always be grateful to my family. I believe in God, although I'm not very religious, so I'll thank God first. Then I'll collectively thank my entire family. Then one by one, I'll thank my Father Next and talk about his impact in my life and how he's always being a positive role model.
Then my mother, then my siblings, then my extended family and friends. Then whoever comes to mind.