₦airaland Forum

@ original question
I don't think religion always serves as a substitute for intelligence, but, unfortunately, that is the case among many Nigerians. People are too drenched with that mentality of using religion for everything. It is disturbing when I hear even well educated Naijas still talk about "Mrs. Labgaja is doing mr. samedo" or "somebody has put a curse on this one". It hinders intellectual growth in no small amount, IMO. A few months ago, I read about an 11 year old boy that was beaten to death cause he was accused of trying to use someone's child to make money. Right now, I'll say our religions and superstitious beliefs does more damage than good.

debosky:
to add to what nilla said. Toshiba is really good, but Acer's main advantage is that their systems are cheap. in my experience they may not be as durable. HP is also a good brand to check out, they have some nice add on features. Toshiba laptops run windows just like any regular laptops so u shdnt have any compatibility issues. I got a 2.0 ghz with 120gb 1gb ram for like $1000, though that was a few months back. check big stores like circuit city adnd bestbuy too

Thanks, men.
I'll be back if I have more questions o.

nilla:
also you should try some websites (I recommend Newegg.com) that sell electronics, b/c the buyers normally rate the products after they have bought their product. You also get very useful comments, like the pros and cons. This will help you decide the best one to suit your needs.

Thanks nilla. I really appreciate this.

***picks up pen and paper and starts taking notes****

nilla:
I personally don't like Dell. I only like the black color. And i know at least 1 person that has bought a new Dell with a part missing.

She's really trying to stay away from Dell and I don't blame her.

nilla:
Brands that i think are particularly good are ACER and TOSHIBA. Cannot really give you specifics on the price, b/c it depends on the specifications that she requires.

I have also heard good things about toshiba. But pardon my ignorance--Are many things compatible with a Toshiba laptop? I mean if she goes with a toshiba will she have issues similar to what you have with Windows vs Mac? As in if she need to download from a website or something and the website only have a windows version for download, wouldn't that be a problem?

nilla:
For instance does she need a lot storage space. And i will always recommend getting a PC with a processor speed of at least 2Ghz (there is nothing as bad as a slow computer).
A friend just got a HP (somewhere b/w $500 and $700, i can't remember and i think they had a sale then) but its running fine. Storage is 60G and speed is 1.6. its working fine now but i know the slowness will catch up later.

I am currently hunting around for good prices, but I haven't focused as much on the GHz and space availabilty, I will look out for that now. I believe her budget might be around $1500 max but if she can get something cheaper, it would be great.

Are there any stores you would recommend, (I noticed you live in the US). I purchased my Mac at a Comp USA (don't know if y'all have that in Kansas) and their customer service leaves much to be desired, to say the least.

One of my sisters is trying to buy a new laptop. My other sister has a dell and I use a Mac. I haven't been too impressed with my sister's Dell. It works fine, but it has crashed one time too many for my liking. My Mac is alright. It does what I need it to do. To those who have experiences with laptops, what would you recommend? She's going off to med school and need something that's very reliable and accomodating. And maybe share your experiences with good and bad laptops. (Also please give a price range of how much it would cost).

Thanks in advance.

iice:
LOL, ok we have 2 rotate between us then lol. Yes he's definitely one of the best.

@ iice
I just saw your profile pic.  YUM YUm is definitely the right word. That guy is just hmnnnnnnnnnn!

@ bammidele
hmnn, now, it is getting too "serious"? My bad, thought you wanted to participate in the discussion, not just put out some rhetorics and propaganda and hope everyone swallows it hook, line and sinker. Anyway, make both of una relax small. Na so that Jay-o-jay just they come in out with random things, lol. ol boy, calm down small. I know the thing dey pain some people reach bone, but that's the beauty of a civilized (cyber) society: Respecting different views. Cheers.

bammidele:
is just that i can't remember the last time i was told the word,"FEAR" so, i don't get it , Don't you ever forget, pardon me if i'm getting personal but may be i need to remind you , you should be a Mother, a MOTHER for heaven sake all that Competition you want to get yourself into, it's uncall for , don't tell me you want to be the Father , i mean take for Example the marriage creed says i now Pronounce you ," MAN and Wife", have you ever ask your self why the Word MAN is mentioned and used , Read the Bible ,Read the Bible !!! we've digress a little bit but that's what forum is all about , i'm still not in support of men cheating on their wife

My brother, this is what I'm talking about when I say the Naija society does not respect individuality. You have made so many assumptions in your post based on what you think is normal and you don't even know me.

Nothing you have written has anything to do with the topic being discussed. Again, your post read like someone who is getting nervous because they know the truth. They understand that what is going is wrong and they are afraid that when the women begin to understand this, the men will be forced to do the right thing. It reads like someone who knows that it's only a matter of time before women "open eyes" and see what's going on.

We should stop pointing fingers and preaching at people, my brother, and stop shifting responsibilities to the wrong group of people (women). (Again, we have a brain and should not be afraid to use it). Instead, join/look at people like Seun, KelvinO and others who have chosen to speak fairly. Who knows, your name might go down in history, lol.

bammidele:
FEAR ? THE LAST THANG ON EARTH , LOL!

tsk, tsk, tsk.  That your post read like a nervous finger terrified of the truth, lol. But good to know sey hin no be fear wey dey cause am.

bammidele:
@Nia No mater how you try , It's a Man's World , i didn't make , it was there before i came , it has always been there , and it will always be , Read the Bible and get to know the world we live in ,Stop playing the Feminist thang! Even in Remote Areas where they can hardly read not write , Men Are known to play a Dominant Role, It's natural, I'm not in support of Men Dogging around mind you , but Listen to Mamaput , She's educating you on the society we live in , Yes the Forum should be base on our cultural and Ethnic Background we live in and not some sort of Americanize or Modern World, whatever you call it , where Women are in Competition with Men , hmmmmm! shake my head!
Well I'll close my Version of it with , You can go ahead Educating People to Divorce their Husband when caught napping

My brother, you dey fear? Why fear dey catch you na? lol
Anyways, thanks for your concern, but you don't need to worry about me. Besides, Feminism is not something I should be ashamed of being associated with. That movement has done a great deal for women in the past. Who knows, without it, I might actually still believe things like: "It's a man's world and you have to learn to accept it" or "Go read the bible to understand the world" and blah blah blah. We all have a brain, and there's no reason to be afraid to use it. Cheers.

mamaput:
I was speaking for my self when i say cheating is not a reason for me to break up.
The Nigerian socity is what it is. you are right theoratically.
But we all fight for what we believe in . You may be the cheating husband and i may be the jobless lazy one.

mamaput, I'm not really trying to fight for this, I just decided to join the discussion to address some lies and the twisted versions of what others call BIOLOGY (i.e. men are not emotional). People should be able to make decisions based on facts, not lies or threats. I believe as women become more educated and liberated the changes will come. And I hope you understand that while I may not agree with your view, I RESPECT it.

mamaput, I have to leave now, but i'll be back in case you wish to continue the discussion.

I understand what you're saying. It is important for children to have the opportunity to be raised by both parents. What I have a problem with is FORCING PEOPLE either through lies or deceit or threatning them. Most of the men defending cheating are afraid of what you just mentioned--losing their family. If that's the case, then the thing to do is to take care not to put that family in Jeopardy, is it not? The onus should be on the person who cheat to take the right actions, do the right thing instead of forcing the person being cheated on to be forgiving and accepting. That should be a free choice. Do you not agree?

mamaput:
I tell them because someone has to make the first move.
Mothers have to stop telling raising their daughters for the only aim of finding good husbands.
If we can get this generation to change it will be some thing good. But in this topic we are talking about facts. It is good to see things from the other side. And there are more important things to me than a cheating husband. A husband that runs around making Dept's is a reason for me to get a devoice because am not about to want to inherit Dept's from a fool of a man.
A lazy man that dose not go to work is not a good role model for the kids i can also devoice on these grounds.
The list gose on.
I guess that we all have different last straws that break the camales back.

I am glad we agree we should respect people's decisions and not force them into what we think they should do.
Now, I'm not sure what you consider "facts", but telling people not to leave a cheating husband because their children will hateor blame them is not a matter of fact. That's an opinion. But I will go out on a limb and assume what you're referring to is the idea that "it's in men's genes to cheat". We have had some males who have been honest enough to come out and address this without the one-sided propangas and their view on the issue I find more balanced. I will also refer you to the following article: http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-barash10may10,0,7632432.story?coll=la-home-commentary

A few quotes from the article: 

When it comes to human behavior, there are actually very few genetic dictates. Our hearts insist on beating, our lungs breathing, our kidneys filtering and so forth, but these internal-organ functions are hardly "behavior" in a meaningful sense. As for more complex activities, evolution whispers within us. It does not shout orders.

People are inclined to eat when hungry, sleep when tired and have sex when aroused. But in most cases, we remain capable of declining, endowed as we are with that old bugaboo, free will. Moreover, when people indulge their biologically based inclinations, nearly always it is to satisfy an immediate itch, whose existence is itself an evolved strategy leading to some naturally selected payoff. A person doesn't typically eat, for example, with the goal of meeting her metabolic needs but to satisfy her hunger, which is a benevolent evolutionary trick that induces the food-deprived to help out their metabolism.

mamaput:
All depends in the society you are living in

This does not mean we should continue to threaten people and force them to accept a particular mentality. Our society should not continue to disrespect individuality, especially when it comes to women. Culture is not static but dynamic, and even now I've noticed some differences between Naija some several years ago and the current naija. I have read several of your post on Nairaland trying to tell women not to endure abusive marriages. Why do you bother? I suspect it's because you know that things change, and with each generation societies and cultures change.
There was a time when the word "love" was practically none existent in the Naija marriage. Marriage was more or less a business/social arrangement, for convenience, etc  Now we are having a discussion called "can a man LOVE a woman and still cheat on her. 
hmmn

mamaput:
there are many hoddles in a marrage for some we have to master them some not we give up and go.
My first daughter is 17 the last one is 10 each has a mind of here own.
They know what and how i see things .But they have a mind of their own.
Like i and you said everybody dose what is best for them.
What i do not waht for my kids is to mbe dependent on a man or on sozial welfare.
I say i will not dump a man for cheating and i will not advise my kid to dump a man for cheating as in."Dump that bastard he cheated on you".
Go back and read what i wrote that i will not advise them dose not mean i willnow say "how can " if they want to do it let them.

many of my friends that ask me about dumping husband i tell them the advantages and disadvantage. But hell no i will not put my mouth in a marrage if the man is not beating them.

It's fine, mamaput, we're all entitled to our opinions.
I myself, do not go around putting my two-cents in how people should handle their unions or problems. Unless someone specifically asks me for my advice. But when they ask me I will aim to give them sound and well-thought-out advice, not lie to them and force them to make a certain decision by telling them "Society won't respect them" or "their children will be angry with them" et cetera and claim that this as a justification for staying when/if they don't want to.
there's a difference between giving someone a sound and well-thought out advice and threatning them and lying to them. Or using societal pressure to force them to make a certain decision.   

There's a problem with ignoring the differences between human beings, something I alluded to earlier as been unrealistic. People are different and different people have different things that they can or cannot tolerate. We (Naijas) often fail to RESPECT that as a society. Instead we resort to threatening people and using different modes of manipulation to force people to make certain decisions.

For example, you wrote that you will not say anything unless it's a matter of physical abuse. That is fine FOR YOU. According TO YOU, that is where a spouse crosses the line. Yours may be physical abuse and for some, it's cheating. Even if I don't agree with you that physical abuse is crossing the line, I will respect it. I will not say things like, "Your Children will be angry with you if you leave cause of the beating" and et cetera.
Again, While yours is physical abuse, for some people cheating is one of those "hoodles" that some find hard to jump through. And none of these is more or less relevant than the other, or more or less "realistic" like you claimed in your earlier post.

mamaput:
Nia do not mis understand me i am not a typical "learn who to do this and that because of a man"
I teach them learn to do this and that so that you will not be dependent on a man
(except he don't use a condom) If at all because of the Aids stuff and not the cheating.
Be very sure that am bringing up my kids to be very independent women when they grow up.
Hell no i do not even tell them they have to marry and have children.

mamaput:
But we have to be realistic there are more reasons for living a man than just cheating.

You seem to be saying that your "reality" should be other people's "reality". But that's not realistic.

I will say again that I don't care if anyone chooses to stay with a cheating spouse if that's what they want. But there's nothing less realistic about leaving someone when they cheat on you. Human beings are different, depending on how they were raised and the type of values they grow up with. We are better off letting people make decisions based on what they feel they can or cannot handle instead of force-feeding them lies and threatening them through cultural propagandas.

mamaput:
your article is about a bunsch of unhappy people (unhappy in a marrage) if you are unhappy in your marrage then go and go fast.
But we are talking about cheating if thats the only reason.
maybe we should find out why the man cheated.
But women do not cheat for the same reasons as men.

hmnn. I know it was a little long, but did you read the entire article? Not all the women the article talked about were "unhappy" as your generalization implied. Some of them were just bored and "looking for an adventure" with other men, which is the same excuse some have used on here claiming that "you get tired of sleeping with the same woman all the time".
However, this brings us back to your earlier point. A spouse running around is generally something that makes women unhappy. If you are saying they should leave when they are unhappy in a marriage, then how can you say they have to stay with a cheating husband?

faa:
@ Nia,
There's no need; You've done perfectly well!!!!

Thanks.

@ mamaput, here's a link to the newsweek article on the issue:

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/5359395/site/newsweek/

@ mamaput
Sorry, ma. I was a little busy, but i'm now available to answer your questions.

mamaput:
I have 3 daughters and if any of them come to me because their husband cheated on them i will never advise them to dump the man if thats the only problem.
Its different if it is one of many .And it has nothing to do with not getting another husband.
I am devoiced myself and for the past 8 years am not even dreaming of a husband   or even moving together with a man.

Chelsea Clinton  would have been more embarrassed if it was her mother that got the Mouth Action.

Mamaput, how you choose to educate your children is fine by me. It's really not my concern. Personally your view is not something that I subscribe to, as experiences tell me differently. I would prefer to harm my children with enough knowledge and wisdom about the world and how the world is, let them know they have options and allow them to make the decisions for themselves instead of feeding them lies and propagandas like:
"YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR NOBODY WILL RESPECT YOU", or
"YOUR CHILDREN WILL HATE YOU FOR LEAVING THEIR FATHER JUST CAUSE HE CHEATED" or
"YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD BE ABLE TO SHAG ANYONE BUT YOU SHOULD JUST ACCEPT IT AND IF YOU EVER GET Hot TOO WITH A CO-WORKER, DON'T YOU DARE ACT ON IT OR ELSE HE WILL LEAVE YOU"  and so on and so forth.

Instead, I will let them know that what they do with their lives should be something they are comfortable with (after they have been given proper access to the options available to them)  and not because they are too concerned about what people will say about them. After all, it is (s)he who wears the shoe that knows where it hurts.
About the bolded part above:  How do we know Chealsea herself is not an expert in giving proper BJs? But I don't think this is enough reason to assume she would be angry at her mother if she leaves Billy.

mamaput:
Yes people always talk oneway or the other . Most devoiced people do not have the same friends anymore

This is how you know who your real friends are.

mamaput:
mordernized world my foot. The world is only as modernized asthe size of the sozial welfare.
and the child support men are forced to pay. take that away from the women and we will see how morden they really are.

I don't know what this has to do with women leaving their spouse when they cheat. I have said earlier that women who are more financially stable and able to take care of themselves are more likely to leave a cheating husband.
Another difference between what Naija has and the modernized world is that you don't have friends and society telling you that you should stay with a cheating spouse. That is a decision you make ON YOUR OWN, not based on what society thinks. Families don't force their daughters to go back to a cheating husband, as is the case in the modernized world. Your family are people who will help you until you are able to get back on your feet if you leave your husband and find it hard to adjust financially.

mamaput:
were did you get your statistics

I will post an article from NEWSweek. It's a little long, but it illustrates the more realistic aspect of what actually goes on in the real world (the modern world, that is) and the lies been preached here.

mamaput:
Nia if you think we are in a modern world , you are deceiving yourself.
See what happened to Bill Clinton. Do you think if it had been Mrs Clinton  they would have forgiven her just like that.
Do you see what happened to lady DI .
Even in the schools in Europe today , single mothers are "frowned" upon.
A man talking to the teacher and a woman dose not have the same impact.

@ mamaput
Clearly you can tell the difference between what goes on in the modernized world and what goes in countries like Naija.  You will never hear people of the modernized world come up with propagandas like:

"YOU SHOULD NOT LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE CHEATS CAUSE NO MAN WILL EVER MARRY A DIVORCED WOMAN"
-Truth: Divorced women re-marry all the time. You say things like this to enslave people when they can leave an unhappy marriage and find someone else who can make them happy.

PEOPLE WILL LOOK DOWN ON YOU AND TALK ABOUT YOU IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND
-Truth: This makes no sense. Marriage and individual happiness should not be based on such flimsy reasonings. People used to criticize and make fun of those who thought the earth was round.[/color][color=#990000][/color]

YOUR CHILDREN WILL BLAME YOU FOR LEAVING THEIR FATHER
[color=#990000]i'll tell you that Chelsea Clinton would not have blamed hillary if she had chosen to leave

MEN SHOULD CHEAT CAUSE IT'S IN THEIR NATURE: WOMEN SHOULD NOT CHEAT.
Truth: Men and women cheat at almost the same rate in the deveoped world.

YOUR HUSBAND WILL LEAVE YOU IF U CHEAT ON HIM, BUT YOU SHOULD STAY WITH HIM IF HE CHEATS ON YOU:
Truth: Some men DO stay and work things out with their spouse, just like the women you mentioned. Saying something like the above is another attempt at "DO AS I SAY, BUT NOT AS I DO" because I can't handle being cheated on, but I want others to handle it when I cheat on them.  


Truth: Most people in the west leave when their partner cheats

I can go on and on about the lies Naijas try to feed women to continue to enslave them.

@ faa, the thing confuses me, sef. And those claiming that "everyone is doing it, so stop pretending" is a justification for cheating is even more baffling. And if you say you grow up in a home where such a thing is unheard of, they'll say just cause the man didn't say it doesn't mean it never happened. For people to still believe this one-sided  propaganda in 2006 and in the age of technology where you can get on the internet and find information for yourself, instead of living in perpetual lie and mental enslavement is disturbing.

Seun:
If men are not full of the same emotion and sentiment, why do they get upset when their girlfriends cheat on them? Afterall, it's "just sex" right? So why do you want to call down fire from heaven when she does it?

< sarcasm> Now Seun, what kind of question is that, now? Don't you know men don't get emotional? Abi, you wan sey na 419 Biology them they teach people in Naija?

My brother don't you know that getting mad cause your wife/girlfriend is shagging someone else is not about emotion? No be that thing wey them dey call ego be that? and even if that is wrong, I can just pick random verses in the bible instead to justify it or maybe even the quran if I feel like it? And there's nothing hypocritical about it at all! I mean, just because I don't like being cheated on doesn't mean I shouldn't do it to other people. </ sarcasm>

My brother take your time with your sensible talk o!

lol, chei!
see all these Hot can't-control-myself coming out to defend themselves. No be fight o, na discussion.
Anyways, I hear you.
It's a good thing everyone's entitled to their own opinions, sha.

Your nationality is the part of the culture you identify with the most. If you're more comfortable with Ghana's culture then you identify with Ghana, and the same with Nigeria. The decision is up to the individual. But I don't think you should have to choose, there's nothing wrong with being a Ghanaian-Nigerian or a Nigerian-Ghanaian.

I forgot what it was that I was searching for on google, but I know it had to do with Nigeria. I had actually heard of this site before or seen it (I'm not sure), but I wasn't really interested in it. But I decided to take a look, though when it came up in the google search.

I qualify to be on this thread, but i'm not comfortable revealing my age. Naijas have that bad habit of looking down on you/talking down to you when dicussing something with you (i.e. politics) when they know they're older than you. And I know there's a handful of people on Nairaland who are older than me.

I just heard about this. And the killer(s) probably won't be found. Naija really needs to work on issues like this cause it will only scare away those with good intentions. I mean, just voicing your opinions puts your life in danger, we should work harder on attaining a real democracy. (Although I'm not sure democracy is what naija needs, but anyways.)