I have always thought of what my wife would feel if she caught me masturbating. Hurt? Betrayal? Inadequacy? I wouldn’t feel anby better myself but after too many failed attempts at curtailing my urges, i have eventually given up. Yesterday evening after sufficiently gratifying my sexual needs with my crush’s WhatsApp photos, I was too limp to perform with Dora; the woman I married. She has given me a horrible imitation of a striptease on my arrival from the office but after I had rubbed my eyes and wearily asked for my dinner, she flared up about me not paying her anymore attention. I argued work today was very hectic and that I would see what I could do for her tomorrow. I was taken aback when she wildly made for my trousers, unzipped it with the belt still tied to my waist and began stroking my penis vehemently. Of course, it remained flaccid while I stare on, perplexed—sort of. We both went to bed without dinner and the next morning being today, we both dressed in matching native outfits. Still, she looked different. She was draped in a long frown and was visibly distraught. It is sad I cannot do much to help her cause. So in solidarity, I too wore a small frown hoping the outfit matching aim won’t be defeated.
.

As we approached the church gate, my face lit up and I couldn’t contain my excitement at the sight of my crush. I uncontrollably let out a joyous yelp as all my cares dissipated. I heavily stomped the accelerator in a frenetic bid to close the distance between us two. I think I heard Dora say
.
“Easy o!”
.
But nothing she said mattered now. Nothing anybody said now mattered. I alighted from the vehicle before the engine stopped and glanced at her briefly:
.
“Come let’s go say ‘Hi’ to Pastor Desmond.” I said and flung the door shut!

I walked towards him, beaming with smiles and wishing my feet could propel me quicker into his arms.
.
I hugged him longingly in a queer way but did not even mind what anyone might think. He tried freeing himself from my clutches but I wasn’t just done with inhaling the aroma of his masculine body spray.
.
“I’m so happy to see you Pastor Desmond!”
I said, grinning from ear to ear. He nodded thoughtfully and I contemplated giving into the burning lust to share another warm embrace with him.
.
“...heem?!.... Brother Raheem?! Brother Raheem??!”
Jolted back to reality by his adorably baritone voice, I answered, trying to sound as pleasant as I could.
.
“Where is your wife?” He asked.
Only then did I turn around to notice my wife was not with me.
.
“Oh! She must be in the car. I’ll go get her for you.”
.
“No! No!” he said, almost wincing.
.
“I’ll go see her myself—since Adamu has refused to go to the mountain.”
.
I laughed hysterically as I couldn’t contain my amusement—such sense of humour. He tapped me lightly on the shoulder as he walked past, toward our car and I sustained a stable erection instantly. It was like magic!! I couldn’t stop thinking of his dazzling set of teeth and the way his chest heaved when he talked.
**************************
Just watching them both discuss made me tremble. I’ve been unable to fathom how Desmond can stand my husband after the damage he does to his home almost every week. He is approaching me in the car but I’m not tensed up since my husband is not coming along. He gets to my side of the car and mouths a “wind up the glass” while motioning up and down. I comply.
.
“Madam. You cannot come down and greet me abi?”
.
I say nothing.
.
“Aaargh! Egba mi o! Aburo mi?! Kilode? You were not at my place yesterday and now you won’t talk to me too?”
.
Staring into the side mirror I see his face contort in mock distress. I exhale, causing the mounds on my chest to rise and he admires them, licking his lips and smiling lasciviously.
.
“Baby I missed the warmth of your inner thighs and the taste of the wet nectar at its zenith. Yesterday I lay alone, clenching the bed spread and imagining they were the tips of your breasts. In fact I couldn’t even sleep with the voice of you crying as I hit it from behind filled my head. So I just dey hope say today, my blessing go be double portion.”
.
“Desmond how do you even have the heart to do this? Eh?! To someone...someone...someone holding you in such high esteem?” I stammered amidst bitterness.
.
“See the way he raced just to greet you and hugged you in admiration.”
.
“Hehehe...that reminded me of the way I hug your ass and never want to let go!”
.
Incensed, I tried to smack him in the face but hit my elbow on the half wound door glass and groaned. As he laughed softly and made his way into the packed church auditorium, my husband was still rooted at the same spot, smiling sheepishly at my lover pastor.

Joyless nights in the company of less nostalgic
sobriety.
Serenades of the rains walking on rooftops outside
walk in, murmuring.
Seeing me defenceless, they gained confidence and
exclaimed
"You love nobody, you're just lonely".
They didn't let me concede before berating further:
"You're going to wallow in penury".
"Your happiness is inconsequential to nobody".
"A dumb one way introvert is what you are" Their
words clinched the core of my soul and clobbered it.
Thankfully, the nights do not last forever.
The serenade will momentarily drown in the bustle
of tomorrow's vagaries.
But the night will inevitably give it life.

Haven't you noticed,
That every time you come closer, my world
caves in.
The glisten of your teeth when you smile,
for the one you truly love,
replaces the bands on my sores with Arabian salt.
And causes warts to flourish in my eye.
I want you to touch me and soothe my scars.
But your palms prick my skin till the last drop of
blood drips from these pores.
So don't even call me, I'm shipping you for
another catastrophe.

I'd love to see a vampire movie set in the time of
Jesus Christ. The protagonist would be a
halfhearted vampire with a good heart but unable to
approach The Rabbi for salvation because he might
lose self control once in the company of the
thousands following the Rabbi. He then struggles for
half the movie, trying to abstain from violence and
bloodsucking for about 13 months and finally
decides to meet Jesus at the garden of
Gethsemane. He actually makes it to the garden
and is a few minutes away from his healing but
unfortunately cannot hold back his urge. He
becomes aggressive and bores into the neck of a homeless teenage girl and is afterward overcome by guilt and shame; then tearfully runs away, contrite. He cries all through the night and the following day and puts on sackcloth while severely loathing himself. He
finally resolves to meet Jesus come what may but
as he traces his Messiah with the crowd, he
discovers he is actually taken to be killed and is
torn between exposing himself to the sunlight trying
to fight for his saviour and burning in the process or
if He is truly the Messiah if with his overwhelming
powers He is being subjected to such shameful
treatment. Then the movie prolly ends with him in
2016, still alive, narrating the story himself and going on to tell the interviewer that he recognizes him to be a well known eunuch during the Ottoman empire. He goes on to explain that every one alive today lived during the time of Jesus and even Abraham but after reincarnation, the memories of their past life gets wiped away.