₦airaland Forum

ileobatojo: Thank you for your time and your answers. I have no further questions. Good luck!

Thanks, it was a pleasure .

ileobatojo: Lol.

Okay.

But why is this fizzling of the bond only limited to teenage relationships? Why doesn't the bond between an adult and their parent ultimately fizzle out to zero after they get married for instance?

Who says theirs doesn't fizzle out with time as well?

Just joking.

The teenagers are different from matured adults. Teenagers tend to look for a reason to disentangle from their parents. Sometimes they even get hostile. Thus when that avenue comes via the establishment of a relationship with an opposite sex, the bonding will dwindle and will approach the zero mark. However when such teenager becomes an adult and eventually, a parent, he/she will understand the reasons behind those actions taken by their parents in the past and ultimately the bond will increase, I don't think the bond will fizzle out in this case

ileobatojo: Are you responding to Efe? Because if you are, I believe you guys' time for rebuttals to each other is over. We are now in the stage of judges and audience questions. Please let us not disrupt the flow of things.

Please disregard if you were responding to someone else and not Efe.

Tgirl4real: Hello all,

The debate is still very much active. Kindly limit comments to questions ONLY. Personal opinion can come in later.

Thanks.


@ Debaters,

you have till 4pm to ask and answer all questions.


Regards.

ileobatojo: Erm no. It is not extreme because I am taking it literally. It is extreme because you deliberately presented it so. How can you claim that losing the bond the moment your teenager starts dating means the same as the bond will fizzle over time. That contradiction is clear as day. There is nothing like taking literally here. You made it very literal. A simple correction/adjustment of your original statement will do.

ileobatojo: Hello Obinoscopy.

I would like to address the use of the word 'never' in your essay. It would appear that you are not accounting for the individuality of teenagers. If you consider 2 teenagers of opposing personalities. One is a responsible, A 17yr honor roll student, mature for her age, understands the negative consequences of bad decisions in dating and has resolved to avoid them at all cost and is completely free and open with you as a parent. Yet there is this niggling problem called attraction to the opposite sex which is a constant issue that comes up in teenagers. If she would like to date a responsible guy under your supervision, why would you think you should never support this.

On the flip side, if you have a rebellious type of teenager who goes against your rules and dates anyway, wouldn't you be doing more harm than good by trying to make him/her stop dating since you will never support it than by drawing closer to him/her and providing ongoing guidance? Yes, a teenager may be oblivious to the gravity of the dangers of some activities, but the adult is not and you could fill in a role of providing direction if need be versus shutting them out.

I will address your question in the first paragraph first before addressing that of the second paragragh

I did take into account the individualities and complexities of each teenager. I gave an age range of 18 years till 24 years. Its the parent/guardian responsibilty to know if their teenage kid is matured and responsible at the age of 18. If the kid is matured and responsible, I believe he/she can be allowed to go into a relationship. If not, the parent would still have to discourage such immature kid until the age of 24 or thereabout (unless the kid becomes transformed before such age). So in your first case scenario I'll let her go into a relationship with that guy once she's 18 years

Regarding your second case scenario, I believe the parent didn't play their role well for the guy to go into such relationship. But since he's in the relationship, it would be wrong to disown such kid. The parent to such kid should keep on advicing him, in a very soft manner, not to continue with such relationship. They could also invite people the kid revers to help them mentor and counsel their kid. But if he remains adamant, then the parent has no other option than to guide him through the murky waters of teenage relationship and pray he makes it through .

ileobatojo: Would you like to clarify/adjust this false statement? Even the words from the psychologist that you referenced does not support that extreme statement. A teenage kid being more likely to consider the advice of a partner over a parent does not mean the parent loses the bond immediately.

Now that aside, are you saying that parents of non-heterosexual teenagers should take a back-seat in their child's lives with regards to relationships simply because you choose to sideline them? Those teenagers do not require parental guidance?

Sagamite: In the increasingly hard world we live in nowadays, how many parents have the time to be able to monitor their kids, especially teenagers, considering both parents might be working and working long hours?

Anyway, I'm still patiently awaiting your response to all my questions. In the event that you're unable to do so, then I have no more questions and would like to thank you for your time and the opportunity to have this debate with you.

And that quote of yours makes no mention of the 18.9 STI carriers or that there are 18.9 million teenagers carrying STIs from engaging in teenager relationships.

Really?

Then how do you explain this quote of yours?

obinoscopy: All teenage relationships are emotional, however not all relationship are sex oriented - even though such non-intimate relationship could become sexually oriented with time

I've gone through your post and I don't see any mention of CDC

Have you got any statistical data to back up your claim that a teenage child involved in a relationship is less likely to consider the advice of his / her parent? I'd like to see that please.

~ Oh, so now we have different types of relationships? I was under the impression - from your opening statement that teenage relationships are bad and must be discouraged by all means? Now you give the distinction, only after I've mentioned on several occasions that not all relationships are intimate relationships??

~ 48% of 18 million is 8.64 million and not 9.1 million as you claim.

~ Kindly provide the link to this claim of yours regarding the US High School Students as I'd like to have a read of this material of yours.

~ Infact, you went further to add that the parents should NEVER support their teenage child in the quest for such adult activities. You listed them as negative vices. If they're positive vices, then why should the parent prevent their teenage child from indulging in such? So if they aren't negatives, then why list them? Don't you think you're contradicting yourself here?

You keep putting words into my mouth . I never said those twelve items were vices. I simply said they were adult-related activities. Or how can u explain how voting or marriage or relationship are vices? They are not vices O. They are simply adult activities, meaning iys only expected of adults to indulge in such. A teenage should not indulge in such because he hasn't come of age (not because those things are vices). I sincerely hope you get me this time

I fail to see the purpose of that quotation of yours or the point you're making? 47.8% of U.S High School Students reported having intimate intercourse. Okay. So what about it?

If you went on to say that, that x % of the 47.8% of students tested positive for STDs / STIs or were violently abused, I'll see where you're coming from. And then, I would have asked you, of the x% of students reported to having those negative figures, what about the (n-x)% of students who did not test positive for STIs / STDs nor were violently abused or had something negatively reported for them? (Where n is the total number of students surveyed?) And even if you did produce the statics, (which I think will have been subjective anyway), I bet you that the (n-x)% of students would be greater than the x% of student, thereby giving credence to my point that those students probably had the backing, full support and understanding of their parents, resulting in them practising safe sex and/or their parents having vetted their boyfriend / girlfriend by most likely meeting and discussing with them from the early stages of the relationship.

And if it's going to be a intimate one, then the parent has a duty to be very open to their child about the consequences of embarking on a intimate relationship, alerting them to the risks involved and making the teenage child experience the possible long-term repercussions. Now you may ask, how is this possible?

If you could go to the lengths of explaining the risks involved in intimate relationship as you described, I think its okay. A reasonable teenager might decide not to engage in any relationship at all! The teenager would reason: why go swim in the ocean at all, even if it is said sharks only eat swimmers at summer .

Not all relationships are intimate

But that aside, let's take a look at the first line of your sentence here - the bolded bit. You say there's a big difference between socialising with people of the opposite sex and teenage relationships. How so? Do you mean to say that teenage relationships do not include socializing with members of the opposite sex. A group of students practising for a sporting or better still an academic quizz contest against other schools - does that not involve a degree of socializing? Do members of the opposite sex not have to communicate with others? Will they not share jokes or even tease one another? So where does the sex enter the equation here? Are these not relationships? Do these teenagers not bond with each other whilst preparing to take on opponents for the other school? Is this not what is termed as team bonding exercise? Or you think team bonding only starts at the work place and not from the home / school environs? So I ask you again, where then does jumping into each others' knickers come in to play here??

Simply discouraging teenage relationships is akin to adopting a restrictive, conservative attitude by burying one's head in the sand and denying that teenagers do have emotional needs that need to be addressed. You cannot suppress teenagers developing relationships with the opposite sex. To do so is simply courting disaster as they'll find a way round it - which as you know, would involve seeking advice from the wrong parties...unless of course, you intend to hire body guards on a 24 / 7 watch of your teenager(s)?

Infact, you went further to add that the parents should NEVER support their teenage child in the quest for such adult activities. You listed them as negative vices. If they're positive vices, then why should the parent prevent their teenage child from indulging in such? So if they aren't negatives, then why list them? Don't you think you're contradicting yourself here?

You're assuming that all teenage relationships are intimate or end up as intimate relationships? Being a teenager is a transitional stage to becoming an adult and like most things in life, it's best you learn gently than wait till the end when the learning curve is steep.

Question 5: Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy wants to invite her out on a date to watch a movie at their local cinema. What should girl do? Hide and sneak out to go see boy? Or discuss with parents and parents encourage her to invite boy home so they can assess him, by discussing with him to find out what sort of person he is?

Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. She mentions she's got two tickets for them to go go-karting or even ice-skating on Saturday afternoon, in the popular arena visited by parents and kids alike. What should boy do? You tell me.

On the contrary, I think you'll do well to read and learn, rather than adopt a narrow-tunnelled vision about parents loosing control over their kids. If you as a parent has invested the time and effort into bringing up your kids and even as teenagers, you still find time for them, how on earth do they then lose control over their kids

Do you not think that by adopting a hard line and narrow view that you as a parent undermines your teenage child's judgement? You're effectively telling your teenager, "I don't trust your capabilities and judgement" and that ultimately can lead to self-esteem issues. Haven't you heard that most teenagers gripe with their parents is that their parents don't listen to them? At the end of the day, a parent, who having done their job well from birth to teenage years, should accord their child some respect.

This is where building a strong parent-child relationship comes in to play. By having a strong relationship with us, our teens are also more likely to accept our supervision, adopt our values and ideals, and follow our rules — even when we’re not around. Now that is what I call respect. If you choose to restrict them without so much having any faith in them, it's just a matter of time before they rebel and teenagers do rebel against authority - when they feel their voices aren't being heard.

ifyalways: I don't agree Obino. A lady concieves when she has unprotected seex - could be with a stranger,someone they just met/barely know, of which there is no relationship. Now why would they do that :
Others are doing it. (Peer pressure)

They do not know if its right or wrong.Nobody to ask or talk to as they don't have that intimate parent-child bonding.
etc.

Our children need honest,open,effective,early seeex education,not shame-based,Don't-ask-don't-tell,absitnence-or death preaching. Personal Opinion.

I totally agree with you on your views. You Never mentioned teenage relationship as one of the solution to teenage pregnancy, this invariably means we are on the same side

I've got colleagues at work - male colleagues who confirmed they're of the old school make. They attended single-sex, all boys schools and confirmed they had problems relating to the opposite sex. Now you compare those men with men who attended mixed schools. Who do you think coped better with

Question 4: You've listed a lot of negatives regarding the teenage relationships. But has it occured to you that those negatives occur in the absence of parental guidance?