₦airaland Forum

My esteemed Judges, illustrious coordinators, fellow contestants, informed audience, all other protocols duly observed. I remain my humble self, Obinoscopy (Contestant 2), and I am indeed honored and privileged to be given, yet again, an opportunity to speak against the motion that: marriage should be a lifetime commitment. Marriage should not be a lifetime commitment or bondage; the couples should be the ones to dictate the length of their marriage. If they want to live together forever, so be it. But if they want to separate, they should! So if you ask me the question: “Is marriage a lifetime commitment?” My answer would be an emphatic NO!

When a man and a woman love each other so much and feel they are compatible enough, they may decide to get married. This marital ritual involves the exchange of vows and the establishment of rights and obligations between the couples, between the couples and their unborn children, between the couples and their in-laws and – by extension – between the couples and the society at large. The man promises to love and care for his wife, the woman promises same. They declare their faithfulness “till death do them part.” They say these words because they have to. They recite the words as read out to them by their pastor or imam. Those words are not said from their heart. How can it be said from the heart? How can you promise to love and care for someone for the rest of your life? This is probably someone you knew for just 3 years or at most 5 years. And you feel the five years friendship and companionship you enjoyed with him or her is enough to make you extrapolate such friendship and companionship for the rest of your life? My dear you are making a very dangerous extrapolation. No one knows the future, except God.

Marriage is not a prison house. Marriage is not an institution where there is only one way in and no way out. Marriage is not bondage. The essence of marriage is for companionship and for procreation; if a man or a woman is not getting either of these, then he or she should call it quits. There is no need pretending or acting. Even professional actors cannot keep on acting for the rest of their life; there will come a time when he or she has to resign from acting and face reality. Many men and women have met their untimely death because they have been in bondage for too long in their marriage. Ailments such as high blood pressure, stroke, heart failure, depression, etc. were pointed out as the cause of their demise but the real cause of their death is their marital bondage. It was the marital bondage that precipitated those ailments.¹ Domestic/marital violence has led to depression, bruises, broken bones, head injuries, lacerations, internal bleeding and injury to or death of the fetus.^2,3 How do you expect one to remain in such bondage after all these health implications?

Marriage is not a lifetime commitment, rather marriage is the coming together of two people who are in love with each other and who are compatible with each other. As long as that love and compatibility remains, the marriage remains. But once the love or the compatibility fades, the marriage should fade as well. That is why the word ‘divorce’ exists. Even the Catholics who claim to be against divorce also endorse ‘annulment’ which is a form of divorce. For clarity sake, I wish to state categorically that I am not a proponent of divorce for every marriage. Divorce certainly has its negative effect. However I am of the opinion that divorce must be called in once it has been discovered that the benefits of the wedlock have been outweighed by its risks.

For those that feel divorce is very expensive and stressful, there is a possible solution to that effect. Lizbeth Rosas Montero, a Mexican legislator, drew up a bill that will permit newlyweds to take a minimum of two years marital contract before deciding to renew their marital ‘contract.’⁴ If this bill is passed, there will be a sharp decline of divorce rates in Mexico. This is because once the contract expires, the couples would go their separate ways; no need to go to court to sign divorce papers. Of course, the contract will also make provision for any child that was a result of the wedlock. The beauty of this type of marriage is that it makes the couples remain faithful to each other. Most men cheat on their wife because they know their wife cannot leave them due to the lifetime marital vow they exchanged. The woman too will lose her respect for her husband and is not bothered since she knows he cannot leave. But if they had agreed on a marital contract, they will remain faithful to each other so that they can renew their contract once the previous one expires. Also the renewal of marital vows has a way of strengthening the love between the couple.^5,6

Marriage has never been a lifetime commitment in the past. I have searched several libraries and the internet for the definitions of marriage, the history of marriage, the etymology of marriage and I am yet to see any connection between marriage and the word ‘lifetime’ through my search. It is our religious leaders who brought up this ‘lifetime’ principle. Even the bible never brought up the term ’lifetime commitment’ in all its verses about marriage. This same bible gave us an instance where divorce is justified (Matthew 5:32). The bible never spoke against couples who want to end their marriage, rather the bible only spoke against the influence of a third party on a marriage. Some churches support divorce. Islam also has separate rules for divorce for men and women under the terms of Islamic law (Sharia). For traditional marriages, divorce is very simple: just return the bride price and the marriage has been annulled. If all these religious bodies support divorce why should we say marriage is a lifetime commitment?

Marriage should be regarded as a legal relationship between a man and a woman, nothing more. The issue of ‘lifetime’ should be left for to time to decide. If the couple leaves happily ever after, we will rejoice. But if they are having issues that are threatening their happiness, their health and their life, then I say they should end that commitment and seek companionship elsewhere. Marriage is not a lifetime commitment, its simply a commitment.

REFERENCE
1. University of Toronto (2000). Bad marriages Exacerbate High Blood Pressure. Sciencedaily. Retrieved November 23, 2013, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2000/12/001214160933.htm
2. Jones RF, Horan DL. The American College of Obstretricians and Gynecologists: a decade of responding to violence against women. Int J Obstet Gynecol 1997;58(1):43-50.
3. Barnett OW. Why battered Women Do Not Leave, Part 2: External Inhibiting Factors—Social Support and Internal Inhibiting Factors. Trauma, Violence & Abuse 2001;2:3-11.
4. BBC News. Mexico City Plans ‘renewable’ marriage. Retrieved November 23, 2013, from www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-15114406
5. Westan R. The Real Benefit of Renewing Your Weddings Vows. Retrieved November 23, 2013, from http://www.thirdage.com/marriage/the-real-benefits-of-renewing-your-wedding-vows
6. Wedding Vow Renewal. Retrieved November 23, 2013, from www.weddingclipart.com/guide/wedding-vows/wedding-vow-renewal.html

applelady: Do they give this medications for sero-discordant couples in Apin clinics or you get it from the pharmacy?

APIN Clinics and other heart to heart centres can provide services for HIV sero-discordant couples. Its not advisable you get these drugs from a pharmacy without going through the proper channel (heart to heart centre for counselling and prescription).

I also recommend you read these materials:

www.cdc.gov/hiv/prevention/research/prep/
www.who.int/hiv/pub/guidelines/9789241501972/en/

Tovot:

Duplicate thread. Continue here: https://www.nairaland.com/1525435/national-communication-commision-ncc-organising

[quote author=ms_pee]
Hope you had a stress-free day?[/quote]Yes I did love. And you?

[url][/url][quote author=ms_pee]Obi'm
Good evening dear [/quote]Chai! Asa nwam. Oyoyo nwa. Tomato juice mu. Nne, idi ok

Ms_Pee

Tovot: Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hello Tovot.

[quote author=ms_pee]The night was so cold and lonely without you... [/quote]Awww, pele. I'm so sorry my love. Don't worry princess, from henceforth I'll never leave your side .

kola oloye: Mirage

Obi take note

Chief Oloye, why do u say so. I could sense a tinge of jealousy here .

9icegee: i hope u knw wot it means for one to post someone's pic on a PUBLIC SITE WITHOUT THE CONSENT OF THE OWNER...so SEUN (i guess thts d owner of this place if am nt wrong) will have to visit this page, exactly where she posted it and wen i reported it, den we c wot nxt's to be done. its this serious to me

Like I said earlier, I did not see the pic. I'm not saying you're making this up, perhaps the op removed it, but the fact remains that there isn't any evidence. So my hands are tied, there's nothing I can do .

Rule 10 is very clear on the forum's position on the posting of someone elses pictures without authorization. If your complaint was true and if I did saw the pic, I would have taken it down and issue a stern warning to the perpetuator. I wouldn't ban anyone just yet.

But from henceforth, anyone who flouts Rule 10 will be banned by the mod once there's evidence to that effect .

9icegee: u'v seen my report and am not smiling

Yes I just saw your report that's why I'm here. Unfortunately, I didn't see any pix .

[quote author=ms_pee]Yes dear. But... [/quote]But what darling? Tell me dear.

9icegee: I WANT TO TALK TO DE MOD!!! NOW!!! HE SHOULD STOP PRETENDING NOT TO C THIS!!!

Okay dear 9icegee, let's talk .What's the problem?

luxanne: Yay! Thanks luv and good day.

By the way, you did great in the debate

I did? Thanks luv, you've made my day .

akinsdeji: Sorry just a question plz,can hiv +ve have s3x with hiv -ve without transmitting the disease? I know condom is effective when it come to unwanted pregnancy,how effective is it when its come to std.thanks

Yes, provided they use condom and the person with the virus is compliant with his/her medication. Presently, we even have medications for sero-discordant couples. This will ensure that the man does not infect his wife and vise versa for the rest of their lives