₦airaland Forum

Question 3: I find the highlighted bit of your statement interesting. You mention different life stages and the corresponding responsibilities that go with them. You argue against teenagers getting involved in relationships, yet in the same breath, you advocate them participating in community based activities. Will they not meet members of the opposite sex whilst partaking in these activities? And pray, do tell, how will they intermingle, associate, communicate, if not by forming relationships with them? How do you propose they handle this? You do realise that forming relationships is all part of life too? So if you're advocating that they wait till they're adults before they start, will that not give rise to very awkward adults with poor communication skills - simply because they never got the chance to learn one of life's basics?

You also mention teenage pregnancies for young girls with is indeed a real risk. But then how do you mitigate that risk? Has it not occurred to you that most of the teens involved in teenage pregnancy get into that situation because they did not get the adult supervision / guidance when they needed it most? Let me give you an example: A few weeks ago, an 18 year old girl opened a thread claiming she was pregnant and at her wits end, not knowing what to do - as her boyfriend of over a year had denied the pregnancy and wanted her to get rid of it?

Yes, relationships can be very emotional - not just for teenagers but for adults and even younger children, so do you not think - based on that, that parental involvement is needed more than ever? Do you not think that teenagers, like every other person deserve to have the listening (and understanding) ear of an adult? And in the absence of that, they turn to their peers (who incidentally know no better) for advice and end up getting the wrong advice?

Unless being groomed to join the monastery or to live the life of a monk / nun, teenagers will have to intermingle with members of the opposite sex but how do you propose they do this, if you have the mindset that merely mixing / interacting with others will ultimately lead to them jumping into the other's knickers?

e: the bolded bit of your statement, you mention teenagers are at a transitional stage of their lives under the custody of their parents, yet you go on to mention that in their quest to become adults, they seek to engage in adult activities such as

~ drinking of alcoholic beverages
~ smoking of tobacco cigarette
~ Indecency viewing
~ driving (I assume you mean irresponsibly?)
~ gambling
~ possession of firearms
~ voting (what's wrong with voting?)
~ relationship/dating and even marriage.

That's 12 negatives you've tagged on teenagers - don't you think that's a bit much or even worse, you've tarred them all with the same brush? If you in one breath claim that they are custodians of their parents, how then can a teenager be so deeply entrenched in such vices even whilst under their parents' supposed guidance? If anything, does this not tell you that a parent whose teenage child(ren) engage in such activities have failed woefully? And why do you think they'd have failed this much if not for the disengagement of the parent? I mean, if the parent is actively involved in the affairs (I mean day-to-day activities) of their teenagers, how then can the child fall so much along the wayside?

First of all, I don't think you're in a position to determine the boundaries of what is and what isn't debated upon. Leave that to the judges and don't undermine their decisions. Now that aside, are you saying that parents of non-heterosexual teenagers should take a back-seat in their child's lives with regards to relationships simply because you choose to sideline them? Those teenagers do not require parental guidance?

Question 1: I'd like to know where you got your definition of what a relationship is and why you think it's based mostly on sex? The reason I ask is because, according to The Concise Oxford Dictionary, a relationship is defined as:

1. The fact or state of being related
2a. A connection or association (enjoyed a working relationship) b. an emotional (esp. intimate) association between tow people
3. A condition or character due to being related
4. Kinship

As you can see, sex forms a quarter of that definition meaning, there is more to a relationship than just sex based on the topic being debated upon, this applies to all teenagers, irrespective of their intimate orientation or not.

As can be seen, through parental involvement, teenagers learn not only, how to develop but also, reap the effect of healthy relationships – but how can parents ensure this if not through active involvement and support? Listed below are a few (but not exhaustive) ways in which parents can help support their teenagers develop healthy relationships:

• By the time a child reaches the preteen years parents should have had the basic sex talk, and as kids get older it should be an ongoing rather than a one-time conversation. Children hear different things about sex from their friends and the media, so make sure they know the facts.

• Conversations should not be solely about the mechanics of sex, but should also include feelings. Teens need to be aware that relationships should be based on the trust, mutual respect, and genuine intimacy that develop over time. Parents need to be clear about their values and what they expect from their children.

• One of the most powerful teaching tools parents have to convey their values to their children is their own relationship. Children will learn to be tender, compassionate and respectful of their partners when they see their parents model these behaviors.

• Be alert to signs of an abusive relationship such as controlling behavior, belittling or verbally putting down a person, isolating her from friends, having a short temper, showing jealousy or possessiveness, pushing or slapping.

• As it becomes harder to shield kids completely from online Indecency, parents may want to address this, emphasizing that just as movies and TV aren't the same as real life, these depictions of sex are not realistic and can promote unhealthy attitudes.

• Parents should be available and supportive so their children are not driven to rely solely on others for support. At the same time keep in mind that adolescents are trying to become less dependent on their parents and will want some degree of privacy.

• Basic rules such as curfews should be established. Know who your teen is dating, where they're going, what they plan to do, and when they'll be home.

• Set up rules about computer use and online safety. It's not unreasonable to monitor kids' activities online.

• Encourage kids to invite friends home, but set ground rules about entertaining when parents aren't present.

• Answer questions directly and honestly as they come up. Your willingness to be open and truthful sets the standard.

• Don't hesitate to let your teen know how you feel and what you expect. Be willing to listen and not judge.

• Be aware of how your children use technology. Make sure they know they should come to a parent or other trusted adult if they feel threatened or if someone spreads photos or rumors about them online.

• Teach teens to trust their judgment and avoid unwanted intimate advances by stating a response such as "No" clearly and firmly.

• When appropriate, encourage your teen to talk privately with their own physician.1

Improvement of social skills: As teens become more experienced and mature, they can reap many benefits from becoming involved in relationships and whilst doing this, they learn about different habits of the opposite sex, practice their communication and social skills, and become involved in new interests and hobbies.

Identity formation: Understandably, the teen years are a time of identity development and assertion, and dating can be an integral part of developing a healthy sense of self. Prior to the teenage years, most kids or pre-teens don't quite know how to date. However, through practice, they learn the give-and-take of relationships and test out various ways of relating to others. By the time they reach their teenage years, they would have understood the basics and should be much more grounded.

Right from conception, even before our children make their entrance into this world, as parents, we tend to be very protective of our offspring and if left to us, no harm will ever come their way. Admirable desires, no doubt, but how realistic are these? It’s easy to molly-cuddle our children but there comes a time in life when these same children of ours seek independence (and rightly so), wanting nothing more, than to be free to make their own judgements and decisions, and these mostly occur during their teenage years.

Teenagers at this point are no longer children, but not quite adults yet. There are at the go-between stage and in order to help them make that smooth transition from teens to adulthood, they need as much input and involvement from their parents (adults) as much as possible – and part of becoming grown-up, is learning how to handle real-life relationships.

Jbluv55: Am also wishing yu gud luck but most importantly hav fun

Ghyft: No offence intended,are u a co-ordinator, or just a spectator like myself?

Elliotwiz1: before now civilization was concentrated in africa. the countries around the meditarn was the centre of civilization. egypt precisely. e.g the greatest architects were on african soil. they built the pyramids and dams. people from everywhere came to acquire wisdom from africa.

getrichfast: rightly asked. But i want to counter your question with another. Is this dance of cultural origin, or of social origin as a result of the so called western civilization??

Elliotwitz: Presently, to be African is to be backward and untouched by the wind
of civilization and modernity. Yet years before the east or west,
Africa was the centre of the universe, the beginning of mankind and the source of all living things.

Getrichfast: In conclusion, another area affected greatly is our mode of dance. Before now, we all cherished our different cultural dances, but now that has been thrown to the dogs and the likes of dances like ‘alingo’, “azonto”, ‘break-dance’, ‘etigi’, etc are now making waves. Our culture is gradually fading away, and the western civilization is to be blamed for this.

elrony: Guy...bend!!!!!

Shugamania: Lol.. Just screaming to be heard cos no one was here.

Morning Obino d scoper, goodluck in the finals.