₦airaland Forum

Timbuktou:
Lol. Please, don't. Nairalanders are the holiest of humans... until another scandal pops up

YourMain:
Well if experience is the best teacher. Then I'm fine.

YourMain:
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YourMain:
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Timbuktou:
Nna, you must check o. Forget all that trust talk. Trust, but verify. Nigerian girls are not playing. Believe them at your own peril. Any man that doesnt fùck a Nigerian babe with a condom is either very brave or very naive. It will end on tears.

YourMain:
I've enough experience to last me forever and a day.

Yes. But you are aware of the guy before you started dating him. The only reason you're snooping is cause you don't trust him. If you find nothing the trust won't just suddenly develop. It's so much more effective if you just told the guy you're uncomfortable and why. And if he loved you enough he'd change .

No oo! I think it's utterly disrespectful. I know the kind of person I am and if I ever had a man snoop on me to find out something bad about me I'd 100% be done with him. Because trust will not be the biggest thing we will encounter. We're not on a battlefield. We're on the same side of the team. We will have other problems and are you going to solve them by spying on me ? What? It's such atrocious behavior. Will you ask for a DNA test to verify our child is ours ?

repogirl:
you have refused to get it, I am not saying one should be paranoid, just quite aware of who one is with.

This is a win win situation...you don't find anything, Great you have a good partner and if you find some incriminating things then you will save your self a whole lot of heartbreak and whatnot.

You might not agree with it fine, I guess experience will be your best teacher.

drbre:
Going through your partners phone, in my opinion is amoral.its neither right nor wrong. Its d motive with which its done that judtes it right or wrong.
I feel compelled to share my story, it mite save someone from a bad relationship.
As a young teenager, going through my dad's files and my mom's wardrobe was my pastime. I discovered a lot of family history that i mite never have been told through the habit.
When i started having girlfriends, before the days of mobile phones, i usually would checm their bags and purses, not looking for anything,just fiddling.

Lately, i had a relationship for more than 2 years, and you can guess that my habit continued and i would check fones.
I had grounds not to trust her.

Our first disagreement was because i noticed she didn't av any of my pics on her fones. I had countless of hers on all my devices. Stories of network failure would come up if i use her pic as dp and ask dat she uses mine.

she self confessed to a dirty past with countless men. That was heart breaking.

There was dis colleague (she's a colleague too) that would send romantic messages to her and she claimed there was nothing between them. It turned out she's been screwing him. She later self confessed of the deed which happened when i was out of town and we had a slight disagreement. I forgave her.

She got pregnant and aborted it against my wish.

Later, we broke up cos i felt the relationship was heading nowhere..she's ibo, am yoruba...she won't introduce me to her people or come for my family functions..a indices of a serious relationship were lacking except sex.

after 4 months we made up. I told her i was seeing someone else who did not reside in our cityscapes (with whom i have immediately started having marriage plans...had met the family and all), she said she didn't mind. I asked if she was seeing someone and she said no. I travelled and disengaged with the other lady.

The relationship seemed back on track until after abt 3 weeks. I had noticed a flirtatious gesture between her and a newly recruited guy at work who by all standards cannot be a threat to me. I told her of my observation and she denied any possibility, d guy is just being a friend.

Days later, she forgot one of her fones at work and asked me to hell her pick it up. I did and opened d fone cos i knew her password. Actually, she is said i shd switch off d fone but i didn't, acting on instincts.

I was just checking call logs, pics and all. And so i stumbled on a picture of her and d guy she denied together, in an undeniable posture. I put it to her and who can deny a picture ?

Needless to say that was the end of the relationship. She went public with the guy claiming she didn't cheat on me cos we broke up. It turned out she's met guy before his recruitment, before we broke up. Guy was sacked. End of story.

Moral Lesson : If i didn't av an evidence frkm her fone, she would have kept on srewing me along guy, and probably many others.

If two partners are meant to become one, then there's nothing to hide from each other.

rose4flower:
The last time i checked my husband phone dat was when i realised i av been living in fool paradise. wat i discovered almost broke our home even up til now i stil find it hard to believe him.

All d same i stil snoop once in a while to check if he has kept his promise.

repogirl:
there's no point in communication, if your partner is a liar or not ready to communicate. It's
It's also not insecurity, its just to make sure. It evens helps you understand the type of person you are with from the type of chats he/she has with friends.

Someone who has nothing to hide will not password or hide his/her phone from his/her partner. Whoever does that certainly doesn't want the partner to find out something he/she is hiding. Simple.

CoCoLav:
Every time I have ever checked it, I have seen stuff that will save me from a lifetime of deceit and misery, so I'm gonna keep checking.

davidsgal:
My bf is permitted to touch my phone 2/4/7....nothing to hide.... That's transparency in a relationship.

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]It doesn't hold at all!

Yes na! That's why I said whoever is caught first is the offender and the finder is the victim.

The guy in question may also have other ladies he's toasting but because he caught her first he will still pick offense.

Abeg make I enter bed jare. [/color]

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]Lol...I saw that too. I just chose to ignore that aspect as it was not really relevant.

I guess what she meant was that if i'm suspecting my partner to cheat then I can cheat too. That means when I check her phone it means i'm looking for what I can do too. By that if she can't cheat on her partner that means he can't cheat on her too.

Haven't we had uncountable cases of a good guy or woman coming in contact with a chronic flirt/cheat?

You see the way some people think? [/color]

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]Lool...I told you na!

They also have shady things to hide too. If not they will be the first to snoop.

In fact once your girl does not give a hoot about your private stuff then start suspecting her too.

The logic is this. I won't check your phone and you won't check mine,therefore,you can do whatever you want to do and I do mine. But none of us should find out.

So most times it's about who found out first that's the victim. Even though he/she is guilty too. [/color]

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]Rude and antisocial?

In a relationship where you were allegedly flirting?

Flirting that can lead to something else. You can see how you shot your own self in the foot.

Lol...okay bye.[/color]

Cutehector:
true that.. I agree with you. Lol ironically, its even the ladies that are fond of checking guys phones yet they come on social media to play the saint.

sonofananimal:
really don't like going through partner's phone as in then but that eedioot take me for granted because of my nature and mumuness for love, but not until I receive the deadliest blow of my life and even went to the extend of tagging me of something through her phone.


If you feel that one is cheating on you, fee free to check he/her phone to calm your feelings about the person.
But this days WOMEN flex ALOT and them don't even hid it (you will just know ) so there is no even need to check that person's phone. Just cut ties with her.

Time is no longer waiting!

Style007:
I laugh at people here shouting "communication is the key". keep shouting it till u see your gf marriage invitation card a day to the wedding or even contact stds



Its good to find out things your partner won't tell u ordinarily

I don't have problem with my partner checking my phone and I will check hers when I notice fowl play


This is how I found out that my "self acclaimed virgin gf" is a dog that does it everywhere and anyhow

Had it been I didn't read it I will believe her till today



NOTE read at your own risk, because u may see something that will make u...

AJaylee:
I can't say if it's wrong or ryt cos I've been doing dat nd I've been seeing stuff dat kills me internally but wen I take it up to her, she wil start cryin, saying it's nt wat I think, but she still flirt secretly wit guys nd weneva I go tru her phone I'll still see something new which she can't explain, so I wanted to stop bt I can't stop. I feel my relationship is nt secure, she loves me bt she still wants to be free to d world, nd no no no,i won't like dat. So I keep checking nd weneva I'm fed up, I'll just adieu baby.

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]Yea except that.

But he may be hoping on marrying her some day,who knows?[/color]

YourMain:
Yaaaaaas! Maybe it's just me. I could never do that to someone I claim to love and care about. I'd feel so dirty afterwards.

From all my relationship experiences in life. I've always talked to my partner when I wasn't okay with my gut feeling. And if they Weren't able to change that id just go.

Maybe it's just a personal thing. I'm already crazy as it is and I don't need to be spying on people. If I don't feel okay and he can't fix it. I'd go.

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]Big time wasting!

Because madam has already made it clear that he's not the only one by keeping her options open.[/color]

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]How can you say such a thing to your boy friend?

I think it's better you stay single till the person who'll marry you comes.

Which one is "you are not married to me so my options are opened".

Why then are you in a relationship? Mutual sexual benefits?

SMH[/color]

YourMain:
Yes.. But there are different ways of handling it.

Okay say you do find something. Something completely innocent. That can be explainable. You'd be unable to think straight. You'd think the worst and make rash decisions. Even if you found nothing at all, you'd make the nothing seem like something.

Wouldn't you just rather go to your partner and tell them how you feel.

BuddhaPalm:
The past and present are indicators of the future...

Naturally, anyone who wants you will put up the front that you're most amenable to.

If you are screening for potential long term mates, one of the FASTEST ways to get a good gauge of who they really are is to peruse their private correspondence.

Is she fvcking 10 guys?

You know where the answer is.

Does she rely on gifts from men for a living?

You know where the answer likely is...

Don't mind anyone who calls you insecure or whatever. Na them get their mouth.

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]The main reason why most people don't like checking is not even because they are supposedly intruding on their partner's privacy but simply because they don't want to be called insecure or find out something really bad.

With that i've come to realize that many people prefer to live in self-deceit and pretend to themselves that everything is okay.

Maybe if you had checked his phone you would have been able to find out about that side chick he was keeping that later got pregnant for him. But you didn't and then 5 years after your marriage you find out and then you come and open a thread on Nairaland about how your husband was keeping a side chick from you for five years.[/color]