₦airaland Forum

morethanadoll:
Relax. No one is coming from America to "buy" any of "your" children. It's so much easier and cheaper to adopt children here.

I know, that's why I bracketed "adopt".... The americans plan for decades and century to come. They ""undergroundedly"" make life miserable here on africa so as to enable them to make it easy for them to buy and not adopt...

segtak25:
Am the op . aks any question concerning BVN i will surely answer you.

At gtb account name is ciroma adekunle musa at firstbank its ciroma musa adekunle
At sterling its ciroma adekunle kelvin

Bvn was done at gtb...how will de bvn number reflect or capture the other two accounts?

Kay17:
Marriage is an institution backed up by law and morals. Imagine marriages lacked the backing from the law. The husband can abandon his wife and suffer no legal and moral consequences. If there is no coercion how would the marriage work? It just can not. God does not come down himself to enforce marriages.

What I said and what read and quoted were words said by texas state attorney general....what he is saying is, de true,natural union is the one between a man and a woman...#sekem

“No court, no law, no rule, and no words will change the simple truth that marriage is the union of one man and one woman,”

#nowthatamericansaregay they will come down to Africa to buy(not adopt) our children...

opeaceo:
Back pack is the worse if you encounter the really smart ones, I had an experience at Ketu with my back pack, see me searching for my phone like a mad lady. Since then, its front pack (if you understand what I mean).

Loool....I understand. But I feel safe with it and I don't loose guard and mind where my belongings are...

Infomizer:
Yes o! Na only me waka come!!!

It might sound unbelievable but it happened and I wouldn’t have written it (cause it sounded unbelievable) if not that it nearly happened again. Elsewhere!

Place: Ikorodu
Time: 20:00-21:00 Hrs ish

I had just alighted from the bus with other passengers who were busy spewing all forms of expletives at the bus driver and his conductor. Their crime? They had decided to discharge all passengers almost 1km to the bus stop and made a u-turn due to the notorious ‘rush-hour’ gridlock. Knowing that nothing I said (or did) would prevent them from repeating the same actions the next day, under the same circumstances, I just kept my cool and decided to use the strolling time to reply some pending pings on my phone. I had nothing to worry about after all - it was a busy place and I was partly aware of my surroundings since I still had to look up intermittently. I had in my possession, three phones (2 in the front left pocket of my jean pants and one in my hands) and my wallet (in the back right pocket of my jean pants).

Some seconds into my journey towards the Oga Roundabout, one guy walked past me (on my right side) and almost immediately slowed down and gave me this look indicative that I had just brushed him accidentally. I knew fully well that I didn’t brush him, and not wanting any tracasserie, I mindlessly apologized and continued chatting on my phone. He then engaged me in a chat that went somewhat like this:

Dude: “I think say you no go talk sorry, I for show you”.
Me: “No vex jare”.
Dude: “You be correct guy joor” (he extends his hand in an handshake gesture)
Me: (Giving him a girlish handshake - y’all know this type) “No lele”

Note: none of us stopped walking, and he was slightly ahead of me, so he was quite close to me.

Dude: “If no be say you talk sorry ehn, I for punch you like this (he feigns a punch clearly not directed at me so I didn’t mind) or make I gbege you like this” (he then grips my jean pants by the waist on the left side and made as if to lift me).
Me: “Oga wetin dey worry you nao? Free me joor” (I pushed him away and wasn’t in anyway aggressive mainly because a highly concentrated waft of an alcoholic nature oozed from his mouth and nose [joking], and partly because I am not aggressive in nature).

Dude: “I just say make I tell you ni”

I checked my back pocket for my wallet and thankfully it was still there, only for the guy to be like:

Dude: “Find something for your boy nao”
Me: “Oga, nothing dey o! Next time abeg” (My default response to Lagos Beggars)
Dude: “No wahala bros” (He then extends his hand to give me another handshake which I took hurriedly and continued tapping away on my phone).
Dude: “Baba, which side you dey go?” (To be sincere, I was attributing this emergency paddy paddy to his inebriated state so I answered him)
Me: “I dey go that Agbowa-Imota side” (kinda false)
Dude: “Me I dey stay that side” (he points towards the direction I was headed from, though on the other side of the road). “If e just reach that side, ask of Taiwo” (I paused for a second to acknowledge his last statement with a nod and then I was like
Me: “No lele baba, nice meeting you”

And for the umpteenth time, I faced my work phone and headed towards my destination. But I could notice from my peripheral vision that he was fixated on the phone I held in my hands (some bigass screen phone - bout 4.7” display). Then he was like:

Dude: “Bros, you suppose hide your phone for pocket o. The police for this Ikorodu dey para gan. Dem fit think say you be Yahoo boy o”
Me: “Nothing dey happen joor, sebi na person wey be yahoo boy go dey fear”

I was wearing a T-shirt, Jean pants and kicks and carrying a back pack containing my laptop so I don’t understand the “Yahoo boy” tag” but I still obliged and pocketed the phone (in the left pocket where the other 2 phones were), though mainly because I now wanted to really get out of this drunkard’s sight if he wouldn’t get out of mine.

Dude: “No talk so o! Dem go just come gbege you, drag you like this”
(So he grabs me in the same ‘demonstrative’ manner he first did and this time around, I shoved him off a bit aggressively)
Me: “Guy, free me nao!! Wetin be all this one?”

He releases his grip, stops in his tracks, and I go my way...but not without stealing one last look at him. Then I noticed that he tried to pull off his shirt, changes his mind, and wears it back. That was when I decided to check for my wallet again - and phones. I then discovered almost immediately that there were only 2 phones in my left pocket instead of 3, and upon closer scrutiny, it was the one I pocketed last that was missing. All this happened in less than 3 seconds! Immediately, I went back to him and was like:

Me: “Bros, I take God beg you, wey my phone?”
Dude: (Raising his hands) “If e search me, e no see am, wetin make I do you?”
Me: “Bros, I no want make we shout, I go find you something (I meant it), just give me back my phone”

At this point, I was already frisking him, but to my surprise, the phone wasn’t on him. I swear down, that realization scared the bejesus out of me!

Dude: “I say If e search me, and e no dey, wetin make I do you?”

Then a ‘Good Samaritan’ stopped by and asked:

G.S: “Wetin happen?”

Sensing that there had to be an accomplice since the phone wasn’t on him, and this G.S had to be that accomplice, I immediately started frisking the G.S while my eyes were still fixated on my number 1 suspect.

Me: (While frisking the G.S) “This guy (referring to the first suspect with a head gesture) carry my phone and him dey deny”
Dude: “Abi eleyi siere ni?” (Is this one mad), and he landed a punch on my face.

Note: Passers-by were still passing by and no one paid attention to our little 'ménage à trois'. Yet.

I first held my cheek bone where he hit, felt an excrescence immediately. The transition from 'drunk' to 'Mayweather' within 2 seconds got me going like WTF! I wanted to hit back but decided against it, but instead went for his collars - oppa women's-you-go-kill-me-today style, grabbed ‘em with all the strength I’ve got and shouted “Ole! Ole!! Ole!!!” at the top of my voice.

Since it was a busy place, some passers-by had stopped and had began to confront him while I held him. So I continued my verbal assault and was like: “He’s a thief! A pick pocket! He picked my pocket and stole my phone!!”.

Before I could say Jack Robinson, the G.S tapped me and was like: “No be your phone be this?”.

Y’all shoulda seen the wave of relief I felt when my phone touched my hand (My Precious!!!). I then released my grip completely and was explaining to one of the roadside sellers that the phone had surfaced o! Meanwhile, the baga was now sober and was apologizing to the elderly men that were tongue-lashing him. The G.S disappeared immediately and the roadside sellers were urging me to wait until the matter was completely resolved so the matter won’t escalate. For a second, I was considering doing just that. But in a matter of seconds, some thugs had arrived the scene and were shouting “Ki lon happen?” (What’s happening) and were attacking the small crowd that had formed with slaps and blows (apparently in a bid to disperse the forming crowd and get the pick pocket to fade out). I was even on the receiving end of one hot ‘sapa’ on my ‘ogo’ and upon receiving this, I left the scene shaperly, went into the nearby Addidae store, cooled off, and headed home - with my swollen face as a voucher to the invaluable lesson I just learnt, and my phone in my pocket.

Fast forward a few weeks later...Last Sunday to be precise

Place: CMS
Time: 17:30-18:00 Hrs ish

So I boarded a bus from Alausa to CMS and upon alighting at the last bus stop (close to Tantalizers), an impoverished-looking fella approached me and was begging for money. I ignored him and was walking towards Marina from Tantalizers and this guy was following me and was even specific in demand when he said: “Brother, please even if na 50 naira to buy Gala”. I didn’t even bat an eyelid (I detest Lagos Beggars!!!!!!) and continued in the direction I was headed. Just as the beggar was about to give up and probably look for a better prospect, I ‘ran into’ someone from behind and actually hit his leg with mine unknowingly while I was walking past him. I quickly apologized and was sincere in my demeanor when he said (yea you guessed right!!): “If to say you no talk sorry ehn, I for land you better punch”. Whilst he uttered this statement, he was actually trying to catch up with my brisk pace. I then remembered my Ikorodu episode and went Ben Johnson on him...

Then it dawned on me..there is a pattern! It’s a working modus operandi. They accuse you of brushing them, and whether you apologize or not, they try to confront you physically and empty your pocket.

In the second scenario, maybe if I had given the 'beggar' guy some money, the thief would have hinged on the fact that I just returned my wallet to my pocket, and as such, might be briefly distracted from there (after all, I had just put it back). I don't know what would've happened, but I'm glad I didn't wait to find out.

But before these recent encounters, earlier in the year, I boarded a Shuttle from Festac to Second Rainbow and when the shuttle discharged some passengers at Apple Junction, one weird looking plus-sized guy boarded and sat close to me. I was with a friend who sat close to the window and we were engrossed in our convo when this new passenger started sneezing at a rate of 20SPM (Sneezes per minute) or Once in 3 seconds. The distance between Apple Junction and Second Rainbow isn’t up to a minute on a good day and this guy sneezed all through. When we got to Second Rainbow, this guy paid, collected his balance and alighted, then a woman from the back seat wanted to alight so I allowed her (them shuttles only have two seat rows behind the driver). Immediately she stepped out, she bent and picked a phone from the floor (just by the front right tyre) and was like, “who get this phone?”. You can imagine how I felt when I realized that the phone that she held in her hands was mine. It was in my right pocket the last time I checked and I could only think of two explanations as to how it could’ve left my pocket.
1. The phone had a mind of its own and decided to leave my pocket in search of greener pastures...clandestinely.
2. The ‘sneezer’ distracted me with his sneezing bout and picked my pocket successfully, but he was unable to effectively hide it without drawing my attention so he was careless with it and it fell off while he tried to alight.

I might be wrong and completely paranoid, especially in the CMS scenario, but I think these pick-pockets have gone Nollywood on us all! They are street-trained psychologists/mentalists and have mastered the art of misdirection à la Apollo Robbins. You just need to have a default mindset that any stranger, that gets too close either knowingly or not, and whether s/he is acting un/necessarily friendly or not is a pick-pocket. That's how to be safe from their subtle overriding of your brain's mechanism of alert.

All these happened this year and after the third NTE case (I call it the Near-Theft-Experience), I began to think about appeasing the god of pick-pockets. I must’ve done something wrong at one point in my life and the Adjustment Bureau had selected 2015 as my year. I’ve survived all three attempts made at my pockets so far and I feel I owe my duty to everybody out there that commutes the streets of Lagos (or any metropolis). Learn from my gullibility o (I know ALL that I did wrong by in retrospect)! Bois are not smiling!!!

People, why not share your experiences be it NTE or not? Let's learn o!

This is one de reasons why I go out with my back pack....all my properties, ooyyah!!! Inside my bag. Only bring them when de need arises

I know there are medical doctors on NL. I want to know if there are (doctor of the skin) dermatologist on NL, have got questions to ask. Please reply....thanks

DrAify, do you have little idea about dermatology?? Please reply. Thanks...

Cc.DrAify,

jidestar:
This is why Nigeria can never progress, we are now held captive by Dangote and Northern President.

If a return to the old ways and principles that got us where we are today is wat APC means by change, then am sorry for Nigeria.


My question to Nigerians is this.


Is Dangote not rich enough?

No, he won buy arsenal Fc...

MzPreshie:
So I met this guy, at a friend's birthday. I like him, I mean he's cute and he also seemed to like me too. We got talking and I felt comfortable with him. Eventually, he asked for my number which I gave him and we've been talking since then, turned good friends now. Now, what I want to know is this, some girls, myself inclusive before, think that when a guy asks for a girl's number, it means he wants to ask her out. So guys, how true is this?

So miz, na where tory dey naw??

CrazyScientist:
Yes it's true, I've ran for cover, my car is still there.

Sir where in ikorodu?v is it ikordu garage, those banks around TFC

Super kick from benue.....

Vicben:
Car theft, like other criminal and corrupt activities are some of the major challenges confronting our country and many other countries of the world today. Many people have resulted into securing and protecting their lives and properties by themselves and not relying on the government and her agencies who were setup to do so.

This now brought me to the topic of the gist this morning. I was surprised at first site when i saw this car's wheel chained down like a mad dog when i got to work this morning. DO you think this is the best way to pack your car that you'd comeback and meet it there at the same spot?


cc: lalasticlala

Hmmmm....op, seems dis one is manageable

Eh, ok!!. Another one..

Let me shuffle through my pictures and see which one I can give...

lolu007:
at the gym

Loool...thought he was with his mum or busy looking for ladies to ask out...

lolu007:
Its fun

Op, where is johnny bravo

Can someone please tell me what will happen if boko haram should by "conspiracy" take over dis command control centre??

sexybash:
hi all
i met a someone on nairaland, we exchange contact and started talking,we became close freinds and i was not scared of telling him anything,

during the holidays he invited me over to his place though it was risky but i did go over to see him,in all honesty this past few days was

one of the the best days of my life, he made me laugh so hard,we spoke mostimes using the nairaland language i had fun staying indoors with him, i even hard to take extra day off work

the deal is am back to Abuja,my girls tell me dat am p-ssy whipped i dont know where the whole thing is headed, am in love,lust,sheer

panic,insecure b i know when he reads this he will probably laugh at me, please my brother and sister advise me oh, cos am losing my sanity

Thanks all and God Bless

Hmmmm....sorry to bring dis thread back to life..

So what happen? did you date him? Or are you married to him?? Really wanna know

chesterlee:
Ahmed Musa
Obinna Nwaneri??
Sylvanus Orjinta??

Guy you smoke weed or weed smoke you??

crownprince102:
Nigerian Football League started far back in the 1970s with Mighty Jets winning the first edition of the round-robin league competition.


Many great Players has played in the league, we 've had the good, the bad and the ugly. We 've also had the best and the best of the best.


This is a compilation of the all time best 11 players in the league who have being the best in their position.

CRITERIA
* We will be making use of the 4:4:2 formation.
* The player must played atleast 5 years in the Nigerian league
* The player must have atleast one super eagles cap.

Op, you try. But tell me where you dey see top eleven without bench or sub deni??

No bench

tuoyoojo:
Wat trips me is the way those ladies are working on the airplane. Making it seem so easy like say na amala dem dey prepare

{{{I hope our engineers would take a cue from here and stop chasing those bank jobs}}}


this should be in front page

Cc: lalasticlala

Bros, for saying the truth God will bless a lot more than isaac's hundred fold...

Make God turn their ears make dem listen make dem leave bank job for de original owners...its dis set of people that steals from de bank,
1. Its not their field
2. No passion for bank job

Make dem go practise medicine or law abi accountancy sef...

Nairaland is also a product. Even though we don't pay...

dav8id:
i agreed with you



We make the best customized wristband (handband) for your church , school, business promotion and organization and we deliver in 7 working days...

call 07037781319 to order

Nice product....

An idea just popped into my head

Since you produce handbands with pictures just like the one of GMB and PYO....why not ask nairalanders getting married for their pre-wedding pictures and create one for them...which can serve as part of souvenirs on their wedding day...

At least to gain more popularity

What do you think

Godisnear:
Nairalanders come and rejoice with me, i just received my employment letter after years of searching for a good job. Surviving all thr stages including the medicals wey my blood pressure high like something else. I cant even count the number of jobs(Fed & Private) i've applied for and regret mails that followed but today God has done it.

My Basic salary and allowances are cool and the organization(Non-bank financial institution) encourages career growth and development. Although the vacancy wasn't posted on nairaland but nairalanders, especially you all in jobs/vacancies section are all great, filled with an undying spirit, always ready to try again, to encourage others and be of help to one another. Keep up the good work guys and to all the unemployed nairalanders, i wanna say, God is alive, trust him, never give up, your time will come someday, just prepare.

I bless the name of the Lord for my days of job hunt are over. I'm officially going to stop visiting job sites. Bye bye to job section in nairaland. Porting to Romanceland.lol....

GOD bless you all.

Congrats but remember de life of joseph de dreamer...

Lacomus:
I watched ghost buster, Godzilla, Samari X not these ones.

Thank God then for Tvafrica and chennels tv

Dioxidane:
So I went for a job interview/test today at a manufacturing company and a very hilarious/scary scene played out before me.

I woke up in the morning and my head was banging like a 2 by 2 plywood was hit on it. Even the panadol I took did nothing to relieve me - the headache was dancing 'skelewu' around it.

When I got to the company and after normal security checks for invitations, I went in and saw others that were also invited. I realized that I was the last person to come in 'cos no other person came after me.

I did a head count and we were 20 persons - 13 guys and 7 ladies. And yeah, the 'chicks' were fine like hell.

I wasn't in any mood to 'chyke' any girl because of my headache, so I went on 'lock-up' mode, after all I came for a job test not to scoop girls. Other sharp guys were already in intimated conversations with some of the ladies.

Not too long after I came in, two men came and ushered us into a conference room. 'Damn, this is what I call a 5-star conference room', I thought.

The conference room was so posh and it's air conditioning could freeze ones brains out. The setting of the company was pristine, with everywhere looking so upper class. I never knew there were companies like that in Nigeria apart from oil companies. I even saw an 'ATM plaza' in the company! Imagine! I told myself I was going to get a job in that company whether the devil was comfortable with it or not.

After pep talks and collecting our CV's, the two men began distributing the test questions. There were 30 questions in all and we were to answer them in 1 hour. It was boldly written on it. 'Wow, very organized coy', I thought.

Looking at the questions, I was shocked! I knew the answers to some questions, I forgot the answers to some, I could manipulate some, but there were some I just didn't know!

I raised my head and realized the two men were no more in the conference room and the door was shut. The whole room was silent. I guess the others realized it at that same point, 'cos they began raising their heads and the guys that already had rapports with some of the ladies, in wanting to be 'caring', began asking the ladies if they could answer the questions and that if they didn't know any, they should simply ask.

Moments later, different talks began flying around in whispers: 'Do you know the answer to number 13?' 'I thought it's supposed to be on quantitative analysis.' 'No, it's qualitative analysis.' 'How do convert that value to inches?' 'Jeez, I've forgotten that formular'. 'I think it's height times r square'. 'Are you sure?' 'I can't remember exactly, but it should be something like that.'

I was still on 'lock-up' mode so I didn't talk to anyone. I just concentrated on my test while listening to words flying around, hoping that the answers to the ones I didn't know would drop.

I also wondered why we were left without supervision. 'Or was there a camera in here?', I thought. I looked around and saw a contraption in the ceiling, blinking a red light. It definitely didn't look like a camera!

We've already spent 30minutes. I had answered about 15 questions - the ones I was sure of. I looked around and saw some guys browsing on their phones, obviously checking the answers online. And being 'good guys', they were dishing out answers to some ladies too. 'Damn you PHCN!', I thought. I had already answered the questions I knew. I should have checked the others online and gotten the answers easily. I would have even had the opportunity to confirm the ones I had already answered. The battery in my phone was flat!

The lady sitting beside me was feeding off answers from the guy beside her. I was about asking her if she had answered (or 'obtained' the answer) to question 22 when the two men who issued the test walked in with 4 fierce looking security officers.

'You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, stand up!' One of them barked out. I was shocked! 8 persons were asked to stand up and I was among the 'yous'. And to think I didn't talk to or with anyone and I didn't cheat in any way, I was beginning to get angry.

The next words I heard were a relieve. 'The rest of you, drop your scripts and get out! Your test is over!'



Jeez, so they watching us after all! Some began begging, especially the ladies, but the sight of the fierce officers man-handling one of the guys that wanted to protest their action did something to calm their nerves.

Few minutes later, the conference room was quiet again. One of the men told us we had 15 minutes more and they left almost immediately. We were 6 guys and 2 ladies left. When they left, I looked around and everyone concentrated on his or her work. I was already done with the ones I knew and manipulated the ones I could.

Exactly 15minutes later, the men came and collected our scripts and told us they would get back to us.

I did my best. I pray I scale through, but I learnt a very vital lesson which other job seekers too could learn. I'm not going to mention the lessons. Decipher it yourself.

Lest I forget, try watching the movie 'THE EXAM' if you've not already done so.

Dioxidane

cc: Igwe Lalastica

When ever de of my fone is flat,its for a reason...
Everything is for a reason...

sexymoma:
I do mine once daily... that morning bfore bathing.

Ok thanks...pimples don use my face plot impossible graph...any make of toothpaste sey??

sexymoma:
#teamtoothpaste I swear u gonna come hear for testimony Apply tooth paste on a soft brush Scrub on face mildly

Ok...to be applied how many times?? Per seconds per seconds, daily, weekly etc??

marylandcakes:
I have used this and it works so I decided to share this with you.

The first step is to prepare a facial mask using four ingredients

1 1/2 tablespoons of honey
1/2 tablespoon of natural yogurt
1 tablespoon of fresh lemon juice
I tablespoon of oats or grounded rice

Mix all four ingredients together to form a paste and apply with your fingers or a clean makeup brush to your face.
Make sure your face is clean before application.
Leave on for about 30mins and wash off using a facial towel.
Repeat this at lease once every week and you will see the results.

This helps the remove dead skin and activate the rejuvenation of new cells, the oats work as a facial scrub and the honey helps to promote the skin to glow and your skin feels very soft to the touch. This can also be used to treat acne.

For fast and better results use Manuka honey.

I will like to some feedback from those of you that have tried this.

Please op, I don't know how natural yogurt looks like. How do I get it??

Hollamydey:
B4 nko, am still d daughter of my father. Besides am married 2 my husband nd nt sold 2 him so I still have d right 2 maintain by father's name nd dat of his, ko fa ija rara.....#my opinion

So your mum's dad wasn't her father that she didn't use her maiden name with your dad's surname abi??

A man and a woman once married will become ONE and not one whole number,one over two (1.1/2)...

Mynd44:
This has been what Osinbajo has been proposing all these while. To be honest, we Nigerians don't really know the exact issue with power generation and the National grid.

If Nigeria generates anything more that 7,500MW and feeds it to the grid, everything is going to come down as our distribution lines cannot take that much power. We don't not have the facilities so building huge power plants is not the way.

What we can do is to generate the power in bits. As Osinbajo have said, generate power when it will be consumed so we don't spend too much time and money on distribution. Each Local government or LCDA depending on the consumption. Perhaps even a locality can come together to have a 10MW plant for that area and they are good to go.

To keep building huge plants and hoping to connect then to the grid is a waste that has proven to be the way not to go.

With this bit by bit module, each locality can look at what they have and use it to generate power, gas in most places, some can use renewable power especially in the North where there are huge opportunities for wind and solar power.

In the south, I will like to see a Badagry power plant Ltd. that wants to harness the Atlantic ocean through tidal power. At least the beaches there have not been tamed like the ones on Lagos Island so it is possible.

These bit by bit generation will culminate into something tangible but first we need legislation for it to work as right now, the power generation laws state that if you generate anything greater than 1mw, you have to connect to the grid. This is where policy, plans, entrepreneurship and dedication combination will come into play

Not only power. We need to break down everything to state level... De police too, agric too refinery may be at zonal level etc. Some state government don't have work to do,some don't even know what to do...