₦airaland Forum

Selfishness is one of the negative traits that a person can possess. Although it is a general guideline to not be selfish at all, most people are still victims of their own whims. The urge to become selfish pops up when you least expect it. Nobody really goes out of their way to be selfish. It usually occurs when someone asks you for something that you don’t want to give. Of course, in order to love someone else, you do need to be able to love yourself; but you don’t want to take your self-love too far. Here are some general guidelines on what selfishness is in the first place, and when it may or may not be okay to act a little self-centered in your relationship.

What makes a person selfish?
Being selfish is not limited to worldly possessions. A person can become selfish of their time, their attention, and even their understanding.
There are different ways for a person to be selfish. It’s not always a bad thing. When you are selfish because of greed, envy, and pettiness, it is a bad reflection of your selfishness.
Being selfish can be an act, but it can also be an inherent trait. Selfish people think only of themselves and refuse to help those who are in need.

When you are selfish because you can’t afford to give something away or if you can’t sacrifice yourself for that purpose, it’s not bad at all.
We are all guilty of being a little self-centered at one point or another, but it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to be selfless now and again. How does selfishness play into relationships?
When we are in a relationship, we are sometimes guilty of only thinking of ourselves, even when we don’t realize it. It can manifest as something as small as starting a fight for attention, or it can be as big of an issue as refusing to listen to your partner’s requests.

Issues like these will come up now and again, but you are supposed to learn from them. Be wary of making a habit of these types of problems.
There will come a time when you need to be selfish, but it’s only acceptable when it’s for a good cause. It is also acceptable when you have less than enough to give – not just physically, but also emotionally.
When are you allowed to be selfish in a relationship?
Is there ever a time when selfishness can be justified or even required in a relationship? Of course, there is BUT not to do it in a way God will not be pleased and it is better not to be selfish at all. They are:

1. When your partner doesn’t spend enough quality time with you.
In order for a relationship to succeed, you and your partner must invest in enough time to bond. Even if you’re in a long-distance relationship or have problems accessing communication tools, you are obligated to spend a portion of your time with your partner.

2. When you feel strongly about a decision that affects you.
Doing something that your partner doesn’t agree with can be considered selfish. Sometimes, our instincts can be the best indicators of whether or not we’re making the right decision. If you are ready to bear the responsibility of the consequences, this can be one of those times when being selfish works out for you.

3. When you don’t have enough resources to give.
Time, energy, and money are some of the resources that couples share. If you don’t have enough to give, it is okay to be selfish. You can’t forsake yourself for your partner if it means you’ll end up losing more than you can afford.

4. When you’re taking on too much.
Being a couple requires certain responsibilities. Being present is one of them, but there are also other responsibilities, like taking care of your partner. When it proves to be too much, it’s okay to back down and ask for help instead of giving it.

5. When other people meddle in your relationship.
When other people involve themselves in your relationship without your prompting, it’s okay to be selfish by shutting them out. Friends and family can help you, but there are times when you need to do things with your partner on your own.

6. When you are miserable.
When you are unhappy and your partner doesn’t have the ability to help you, you must do things on your own and find the happiness that you need.

7. When something you want will benefit you and your partner.
When your partner fails to understand the necessity of something that you want, it’s okay to be selfish and decide this on your own. Just make sure that you are making the right choice and that you can take full responsibility when it costs you.

8. When you become too selfless.
Giving too much can take a lot out of you. Some people think that this is the right way to live, but giving too much means that you’re not leaving enough for yourself. If you are left with nothing, you end up hurting your partner in the process.
When shouldn’t you be selfish?
Just as there are instances when you need to be selfish for the sake of your relationship and yourself, there are also instances when you should learn to be more giving, for both your sakes.

1. When your partner is in pain.
When you see that your partner is hurting, it’s okay to give them what they need, like your time and attention. Ask for time off from work, prioritize them, and try your best to help them.

2. When your choices hurt other people.
In this case, you must be aware enough to know that your actions are hurting people. Be more observant and see how your actions are affecting others.

3. When you have more than enough to give.
Some of us are luckier than others, which means that it’s okay to give when you can afford to. If you have some free time, spend it with your partner. If they need help to get back on their feet, offer to pay for their share until they can. When the opportunity to help presents itself, take it.

4. When you’re being vindictive.
When your partner inadvertently hurts you, you should hold back on taking any sort of revenge. Hurting someone on purpose is a form of selfishness. It is better to discuss things and vent out your frustration than to seek revenge.

5. When you’re being petty.
This is the same as being vindictive, but this trait is usually caused by immaturity. People become petty when they resent not getting their way. Being in a relationship means that there’s no room for immaturity like that.

6. When you want something unreasonable.
If you can’t have something you want, let it go. Don’t throw a fit and don’t guilt your partner into giving it. Accept that your partner can’t give you everything you want and you’ll be happier for it.

7. When your partner needs you.
If your partner doesn’t know how to ask you for something that they need, step up and offer it yourself. Being generous is the exact definition of selflessness. Giving something that someone needs is the point of caring for and loving someone.

You might think that there’s no room for selfishness in any relationship, but it is necessary in certain situations. Being selfish is perfectly fine when it’s not motivated by greed and envy, so consider the guidelines we showed you above. Once you truly understand when selfishness in a relationship is okay and when it isn’t acceptable, you can help your partner understand your decisions better and also connect better with each other.

Culled from lovepanky

lalasticlala come and see...

This was the reason my Mum never allowed me to school in Edo. She prefered the Northern part, where i will be seeing those Adamus, Ali, Jibril and the likes...

Yes, "Some Guys," not ''All Guys.''

Just imaging what someone came up with as a topic, what one should be ashamed of saying

These days, people are proud of SINING...

The same question goes to my fellow men. Why should a man cheat

pec4real:
Rate my designs I made with corel draw contact: 07038321143 email:olenloapeculiar@gmail.com

I want to learn corel draw professionally

leciester:
hello guys and ladies am new here what all about this i solemly respect each one here.

Welcome. I know you will be glad you register on this forum. Put on your seat belt and enjoy the fun...

Can they ever stop scoring...
When it is Barcelona, then it is Football. Real football.

nairalander1516:
You can use Nitro pdf. If u have a windows 8 and above OS, you can select the print to file option when attempting to print, and save as pdf.

Thanks. I use Windows 7.

Elosky20:
what document do u want to convert. i can only help u with an online website that can do it 4 u instantly

Thank you very much for sharing the Site. Please do i have to register on the site first before i can start using their conversion services?

PHEMIEY:
Wc kinda file?

Documents such as; MS Word, Excel and Corel Draw to PDF and JPG formats

BBM would have taken the lead a long time ago, but they were just too comfortable in an uncomfortable position restricting themselves of the blessings that suppose to follow. It's good to look ahead, think and project into the future...

My point may be slightly different from the main topic, but it's really not advisable because last i checked, it's relatives/families that kill business be it Large organization or SME...

Good day,
Please can anyone help me with a Step-by-Step guide on how i can be converting my documents to PDF and JPG formats offline.

Leriebloom:
So many people dont see this as nothing, i dnt see anything wrong in helping a stranger out. But today after entering a bus and meeting a guy who asked me to pay his transport (after which i did), this guy started asking me out. Inside a bus. After paying his transport. No shame. That's a real big turn off. So pls guys what do u think.

What if you find out that he was just stranded that particular day, and he is really not the ''poor or lazy'' type and after turning him down, you discovered he is the fellow to interview you in the organization where you had earlier submitted your CV?
There are some things that happen to us not knowing they are blessing in disguise.

The truth is that if people (majority) know what LOVE really is, questions like this won't even come up in the first place. Where there are assumptions like this, the Relationship don't always stive.
Assumption is a relationship killer.

I can't really say i understand your plight right now, i know this can be painful. But the truth is that your need to sit with your husband to be and both of you should resolve the issue on ground. It doesn't matter whether his mum like you or not, provided he sees you as his choice and want to tie the knot, his mum's decision doesn't count. Gone are the days when parents decide for their children on who to marry or not (but there is an exception to their choice though).
But you have to stand your ground with your fiance. Be prayerful, have faith and most importantly respect your mother inlaw regardless of her attitude towards you because this might just be the only huddle you will ever pass through to arrive at your desired destination...

We are not in Abroad, where women take their anger to Social Media and the general public that their husbands/boyfriends do not satisfy them the way they want sexually. But, you have to know that this is Nigeria, a place different from the Whites, a place where respect and dignity is placed on a high pedestal.

Our women have dignity, whether you agree or not. They know that Sex is really not a yardstick in their home, and most of them, (majority) want s*x, but they are not carried away by it because of the ''License to s*x'' everywhere (Sitting Room, Dining, Bedroom, Toilet, Bathroom and Kitchen) like the other people over there, NO. An average Nigerian woman knows what it means to be a wife knowing that being married is much more than calling her (Mama bornboy or mama Caro) but a Mother of mothers, an helper and an help meet to her husband and a necessity to her family.....TO BE CONTINUED...

Because Lassa Fever is spreaded by Rat doesn't mean every Rat has the disease.
Some people just have myopic reasoning and some just make jest of everything and exergerate what they know is not true. Let's be matured for once please.

I met this girl around August last year, and i have made her be my friend. All through that time till this moment, i deliberately used it to study those i could about her Character, Attitude and her Personality to know if we are compatible and the likes and i found out that she is okay.
Though since i found out that am developing feelings, like and love for her, i gave myself a target of 5months before telling her my intention, a target that will elapse this January.
Last 2 weeks sunday, i heard her saying she needed some money to get some school materials, though things looks difficult for her mum now because her mum is the only one taking responsibilities of her and her siblings. But just last sunday, when she visited, i deliberately squeezed the amount i sensed she needed (into her purse without letting her know and she discovered it when she got home) to get the materials she needed (though she didn't ask me direcly or indirectly), i just volunteered because she really needed the materials and that is who i am to anybody.
We've fixed a date next week of which i plan to profess my love for her (not because of valentine though), but the little challenge now is will she think i want to take advantage of her because of the money i gave her or will she perceive my intention as genuine as i have it.
Please i want maturedly females in the house to give me some advice on the way am supposed to go about it.
Cc: Godmother, Misspicy, miskiffy and cruzita please i need your candid advice on this.
Thank you!
lalasticlala, Myndd44

Hahaha...
But God pass the rat and its Al-Hassan Fever

175:
Please I want to ask You a question...This evening, while OP and Mutua were drinking garri, a small rat at the corner of his room was looking at them and shaking it's head.Please what does it mean my NLers?

I hope you are not insinuating AL-HASSAN Fever?

YES and NO
Today, ''some people'' just say it to because it is the latest slang in town, attract the other person's attention, give them a sign of relief and the rest even to some, it's Swag (their own style), without knowing its genuine meaning.
As it is now, it is the most easiest word(s) to say in this 21st Century, but is it really fulfilled as said? Is it really actice? Does im/her reeally mean it? If people truly know what 'I Love You' means, the world would have been a better place, marriages would have worked out rightly, even the hatred, envy, wickedness and other negative vices in the world today would not have existed. That your first relationship MAY still have been like 'a new wine in an old bottle' everyday because Love is like refueling/refilling.
However, it's not only in Nigeria and it's not only among men/women that the word 'I Love You' has been Abused, Crucified, Battered and gone Extinct, but by 'some men/women,' and the world at large.
The painful part of it is that people (majority) think 'I Love You' is only for their [Wife, Husband, Boyfriend/Girfriend and their children, (mostly the little children when they are young)], but it is not supposed to be so. Love is something everyone need, nobody resist Love, (not even Satan), even the Creator want love in return. So, it is supposed to be a DEFINITE DECISION not MERE FEELING because feeling comes and go just like the Rain and Dry season. But where Love exist genuinely, all you see is the Beauty of it.

Above all these, it all depends on the Individual saying it. People are different. That He/She did not fufil the 'I Love You' sentence doesn't mean that man, that woman, that boy and that lady out there will do the same, He/She might just be saying it deep from his/her heart with genuinely,sincerely and with the Definite Decision to stick to it and work out the ''I LOVE YOU''
Let that Love you've profess be a DEFINITE DECISION you will stick by, and not MERE FEELING!

Last i read, we're all handsome and beautiful creatures, created for the Creator's Glory. So no one is ugly in the first place.

Why do we fart? Why do farts smell?
Passing gas may be embarrassing for
most of us, but it might make you feel
better to know that it's one of the most common bodily functions of all time.
Everyone does it, from Halle Berry to the Queen of England and to Presidents of nations. In fact, the word "fart" is one of the oldest words in the English language!
Read on to discover more fascinating
facts about about cutting the cheese.

1 What Is A Fart, Farts are caused by trapped air, which can come from many sources. Some of it is air that we have swallowed while chewing or drinking. Some air is caused by gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, and some gas is produced by chemical reactions in our intestines or bacteria living in our guts.
A typical fart is composed of about 59
percent nitrogen, 21 percent hydrogen, 9 percent carbon dioxide, 7 percent methane and 4 percent oxygen. Only about one percent of a fart contains hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans, which contain sulfur, and the sulfur is
what makes farts stink.
Farts make a sound when they escape
due to the vibrations of the rectum. The loudness may vary depending on how
much pressure is behind the gas, as well
as the tightness of the sphincter muscles.
.
2. Why Do Farts Smell Bad?
The more sulfur-rich your diet is, the more
terrible your farts will smell. Some foods
contain more sulfur than others e.g (Kulikuli), which is why eating things like beans, cabbage, cheese, donkwa and eggs can cause gas that will peel the paint off the walls!
.
3. People Pass Gas About 14 Times Per Day The average person produces about half a liter of farts every single day, and even though many women won't admit it,
women do fart just as often as men. In
fact, a study has proven that when men
and women eat the exact same food, woman tend to have even more
concentrated gas than men.
If a person were to fart continuously for 6
years and 9 months, they would produce
gas with the equivalent energy of an
atomic bomb.
.
4. Farts Have Been Clocked At A Speed Of 10. Though farts come out with varying
velocities, we don't typically smell them
for about 10-15 seconds after letting
them rip. This is because it takes that
long for the odour to reach your nostrils.
.
5. Holding Farts In Could Be Bad For Your Health Doctors disagree on whether or not
holding in a fart is bad for your health.
Some experts think that farts are a natural part of your digestive system, so
holding them in won't harm you. Others
think that at best, holding them in can cause gas, bloating, and other uncomfortable symptoms, and at worst,
repressing gas can cause hemorrhoids or
a distended bowel.
.
6. For Some Cultures, Farting Is No Big Deal While most cultures feel that farts should be suppressed in polite company, there are some cultures that not only don't mind letting them fly in public, but they actually enjoy it. An Indian tribe for example in South America called the Yanomami fart is a greeting, and in China you can actually get a job as a professional fart-smeller!
In ancient Rome, Emperor Claudius,
fearing that holding farts in was bad for
the health, passed a law stating that it
was acceptable to break wind at banquets.
.
7. Farts Are Flammable As stated above, the methane and hydrogen in bacteria-produced farts make your gas highly flammable. This is why some people think it's a fun party trick to hold a lighter up to their bums and let one fly; doing so produces a big burst of flame, but is obviously very dangerous.
In rare cases, a build-up of flammable
gasses in the intestines have caused
explosions during intestinal surgeries!
.
8. Termites Produce The Most Farts Of Any
Other Animal Termites Produce The Most Farts Of Any Other Animal. It's hard to believe that the tiny termite is
responsible for a great deal of our global
warming problem on the planet. Termites
fart more than any other animal, which
produces methane gas. According to the
Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), "Global emissions of methane due to termites are estimated to be between 2 and 22 Tg per year, making them the second largest natural source of methane emissions.
Methane is produced in termites as part
of their normal digestive process, and the amount generated varies among
different species."
.
9. If You Hold Them In, They'll Just Come
Out When You Sleep If You Hold Them In, They'll Just Come Out When You Sleep Even if you clenched your butt and held
them in all day, the gas will escape once
you relax. What's more relaxing than
sleep?
.
10. People Even Fart After Death. Here's proof that you can't escape passing wind, even after you're dead! Up to three hours after the body dies, gasses continue to escape from both ends of the digestive
tract, resulting in burping or farting noises. This phenomenon is due to muscles contracting and expanding
before rigor mortis sets in.
So, don't be shy to Mess. But if you must do it in public or in your inlaws place, atleast show some courtesy by moving some kilometers far or else, you are gone.
Happy Farting!!!

Pelaiye2703:
Hello Nairalanders,

I'm a graduate, urban and regional planning to be precise.

Please what courses do Urban and Regional Planning offer in 100Level and 200Level.
A friend of mine asked me the question on Wednesday, but my school do not offer the course and she want to know before she register for Jamb.

The women folks love surprises generally. So, just study the kind of dresses she likes putting on, and let it be her best Colour too. Get her one. Let it be her size, you may add a peer of shoe to if you can afford them.
I tell you, you may just Activate the Angel in her with those gift(s).

Our habits can stand for us, speak and
show the kind of individual we are, it has the tendency to cause misfortune and also attract better things to us if it's conscience free. Karma has it that we reap what we sow, bad habit cannot cultivate good fruits. Habit, yea it sucks, we all posses them.
Bad habit are negative behaviour lifestyle and they worth doing away to improve our lives.
Below are some bad habit to part away from to improve your personal life.
.
1. Smoking:
Anytime my eye comes in contact with a cigarette packet, a warning is written on them'' The world health warms that smokers are liable to die young'' and it so funny that after reading it a responsible somebody will still go on and smoke a stick and even a whole pack. Smoking has bad side effect on practitioners, according to quitsmokingsupport smoking kills and are one the act to gives rise to diseases like cancer, cardiovascular disease, respiratory system.
.
2. Gossiping:
This a trend this days, it's all over the social media, people do this as a part time joy, distributing rumors all over like flyers, talking about other people, friends and family, it's middling, it has huge negative impact on those that do it.

3.Not Letting the little light of yours shine:
Negative are setbacks and dams to living a well fulfilled positive life, we hinder and limit our self more than normal. There is a purpose of life, to live out loud, the light our good attitude and act reflects but the dark cloud tend to throw thunder storms, and we too don't take a stand against them but sit reluctantly expecting things to change himself which is impossible.
.
4. Not Letting go:
Letting is an opportunity to eliminate unwanted things, people in your life not giving up, stop holding things that brings you no happiness, people that don't add value to your life.
.
5. Lie, Not Taking Responsibility for your Action:
The worst you can do is do something and not man enough that you did it.Anytime you run away from responsibilities you deny yourself. And
moment you tell a lie you post a fake image of yourself.
.
6. Managing unhealthy and abusive relationship:
Any relationship that you're limited from having access to true happiness avoid them, abusive relationship involves verbal or physical communicated that leave you with pains. Never manage while you're dying.

.
7. Stop letting people make decisions for you and controlling you.
You own your life, when you'll lose you lost it all, what you'll become is a decision you make not someone.
.
8. Overspending:
Are the type that buy anything, even the once you don't want?.
Remember Rihanna almost went bankrupt because of overspending. Cut down unimportant budgets.
.
9. Running from your problems:
When you faced a particle problem squarely it flees but when you act the fool buying running away it pursues you because you gave him right to. You own is yours truly fear can't take them away. Instead look for a way to solve them.
.
10. Living in the past, not letting and trying to be perfect:
Life a momentary thing it moves forward not backward. You have burn bridges that you crossed way back and they are all by gone, it has nothing on you if you picture the future and great opportunity it holds. Let to the quilt, you'll never gonna be perfect so, stop trying to be
.
.
lalasticlala, Mynd44, Ishilove.

Last i read the bible, even now, MIRACLE still exist...

Simple correction to learn from, they will not learn. See them shouting '' Money!, money!! money!!!'' as if they truly have the monies women even need.
OP nice advice for the inmature folks here... They will start raining curses now....

He just have to becareful. I really don't advice Sex in a relationship, because it has negative consequences in a relationship. The only way sex is encouraging, fun and with a free conscience is when you do it as a married man/woman.
For your friend, i would advice him that he may just fall a prey. Above all, the whole scenerio sound tricky. He should be careful and be warned.
I know those below me will be saying he should go ahead and 'Lash' her. Sex is not all there is, he should remember that ''He will bear the consequences alone,'' when it backfires, not with his advisors.
For him mind now he don see free Serve-Yourself...

If you marry the Right woman God Chose for you by Himself (just as God gave Mary to Joseph), you will be fulfilled in your whole life.
Pray for a God-given wife/husband!