₦airaland Forum

SexyNairalander:
booked


This list is not complete op

Haha Fair enough. The rest is in the full article sha but you goto anymore to add?

If you’re like me, you’re right around that age in life (between 23 and 61) when most of your peers are getting married. Marriages mean weddings. . lots of marriages, lots of weddings. What to do, what to wear, what to say, how to act. . relax. Don’t panic. I’m here for you. To help you navigate these murky waters, I have put together a few tips, based on extensive research and years of experience, on how to be an ideal/model guest at a typical Nigerian wedding.
Warning: Do not try to adapt these survival techniques to weddings in other countries/cultures. If you want to give it a shot, I will not be held responsible for potential consequences including, but not limited to, funny stares/frowns, bodily harm while you’re being thrown out.

Never ever go early
First off, the church ceremony is optional. All that goes on there are the exchange of wedding vows and actual sealing of a marriage. Really unimportant stuff. But, if you really have some spare time on your hands and wouldn’t rather be at home getting some more sleep, catching up on some old TV reruns, then yeah you can go to the church ceremony. However, you must never get there on time. This is the single most important rule. Brides usually like to walk up and down the aisles of a near-empty church. Your smile of encouragement may put them off so you really are doing them a huge favour by staying away or getting there late.
Another reason you should not arrive on time is that this wedding is just as much about you as it is about the couple. You need to be the centre of attention and you can only be that when you get there late. So if the wedding invite says 9.00 a.m, taking into consideration dressing up, traffic etc, 10.00 a.m. would be a good time to get up from bed. But this is assuming you could be bothered about the church ceremony, because trust me it’s much better to go straight to the reception venue. That’s where all the real stuff happens anyway.

Fight for food
This is the real reason you’re at the wedding anyways. Party jollof rice. Clearly you were in a huge hurry to leave the house so you couldn’t have breakfast and now you are starving! So yell at the ushers/food servers when they pass by. Threaten, shine your eyes and raise your voice, not necessarily in that order. No, they shouldn’t serve food in an orderly manner, they should serve you first! You’re the star of the wedding remember?

Spray the money
Ah! Now, this is one ‘gift’ that you must not fail to give. But the interesting thing about this is that it’s really more to your benefit. Or how else are you going to show off your immense wealth if you don’t spray cash over the dancing sweaty couple? This is why you must not . . .

Enjoy the rest of the rest of the post here
http://www.orinocopulse.com/how-to-be-a-guest-at-a-nigerian-wedding/

barcanista:
@OP you have to idea as to what transpired between Amaechi and PEJ in Okrika. You people are good at telling half truths.
"

Actually, the dangers of a single story are real. I agree

The OP has said his part. Can you tell us from your own side what actually happened. With sources. I've always wanted to know. At least you will be enlightening us.

Thanks

Good to know. Hopefully, this doesn't repeat itself in future elections.

EroticAngelina:
sorry to be so negative, but I can't help but notice how this woman does whatever buhari says, even if its nt good. she's like his robot.
where was she in 2011? why did buhari bring her out now(2015)? he doesn't know that her kind heart ness, beauty, brain and manner was part of what helped him win this election behind every successful man, there's a woman! if there's one thing he should learn from gej, its supporting women. we are in 2015, not 1989! women are human beings and should be respected. any man who does not respect women will never get my respect!
one, more thing... the office of the first lady is in our constitution Mr buhari, don't start ruining dis opportunity bfor they swear u in on may. I just pity ur wife. if I were her, I would av divorced u a decade ago.
#NoTime4Rubbish

Okay let me try to clarify some things
(1) You say she does everything GMB says, even if it's not good! Can you please point out ONE BAD thing he has told her to do. Just one example please. The Office of the First Lady is NOT in the constitution actually. So any expenses by the office paid with Nigeria's money is technically wrong. However, she is the wife of the president and there are traditional roles she can play like charity, hosting dignitaries etc.

(2) where was she in 2011? In fact where was she in 2003 and 2007? Simple! Away from the spotlight. Buhari has always liked to keep his family away from the spotlight simply because they are very private people. He reluctantly agreed this time because his strategy and media guys convinced him that their appearance could help people see the softer side of him.

(3)You say you don't respect men who disrespect women! I agree! Me too! But can you point specifically to where GMB disrespected her?

(4) You say again that the office of the First Lady is in the constitution. Please point me to the section where it is. If you can do that, I will concede and apologise. If you can't, can you concede your error as well?

Hope this helps. Cheers

AustineE1:
This is the most silly and stupid article i have read in recent times,you ended up repeating thesame old gibberish that clowns like you spew all over.Right now i will try through my friends on ground in some Northern states,to bring photos of large numbers of under-age voters in the North on saturday during the election.
Any northerner or southerner living in the North knows what am talking about....save yourself those dirty stage managed statistics you are blandishing.As for Jega,he is a disgrace to humanity but victory will still come our way.Vote wisely,vote GEJ.

Okay I struggle to understand your argument. I just presented verifiable facts (with links) and you call it stage managed??!!
I am not saying there are no child voters. I am saying from a simple statistical analysis, if it occurs, them it occurs across board and it's not significant at least. Especially as Jega has demonstrated that processes and checks are in place to curb it.
You are welcome to send pictures of these "large numbers of under-aged voters) as long as they are verifiable. But that is not to say it doesn't happen elsewhere as well

Oh wow! Another defection!!

That's the disadvantage of a political system devoid of ideologies.

People swing around like pendulums. .

Oh well.

Okay, some folks are throwing around allegations (WITHOUT EVIDENCE) about the REGIONAL NUMBERS of eligible voters and alleging that there are malpractices, including “UNDER-AGED VOTERS largely in the North”, that skew the numbers to favour the North. We have seen many "news sites" report under-aged voters registered (using pictures from 2011) and brandishing outlandish figures (6.1m). In fact a very good friend of mine said that the number of under-aged voters in the NW and NE is more than the 9 million eligible voters in the SS!! LOL!

First of all, I don’t doubt that there will be cases of under-aged voting (and other malpractices) not just in the North, but all parts of the country. However, Jega has said and demonstrated that INEC is implementing various techniques and processes to reduce or eliminate them. So people complaining about under-aged voters (with shady sources), regional figures, card readers and all what not are only preparing grounds to cry foul when they lose, unless they can provide CREDIBLE PROOF. I have a lot of confidence in Jega’s willingness to make this a credible election!

Back to the REGIONAL NUMBERS. The first question you should ask is, do they make sense? Think about it? Isn’t it true that the North has consistently had a slightly higher population than the south (in most of the census exercises carried out since the mid-twentieth century?) Isn’t it true that if it wasn’t for the densely populated commercial center, Lagos, this difference would have been more substantial? Isn’t it also true that there is traditionally more voter apathy in the south, thus reducing the number of eligible voters? Can we pretend that we don’t know these things?

But the most important question you should ask yourself is “How do these VOTER POPULATION figures compare with ACTUAL POPULATION?” For instance, if the % actual population of the SE was 20% and its %voter population is 40%, you should question it, yeah? I did a quick check comparing with the 2006 census. You can argue that the census was not perfect. True. But comparing the 2 sets of data (carried out independently) should help spot discrepancies, if there are any. Basic audit procedure. So here we go;

Region (%VOTER pop.) (%ACTUAL pop. (2006 census))
NW: (26%) (25.56%)
NE: (15%) (13.55%)
NC: (16%) (13.46%)
SW: (19%) (19.65%)
SE: (10%) (11.70%)
SS: (14%) (15.01%)

You don’t need a statistician to observe the high similarities between these figures (with a couple almost spot on!) The regions with the lowest similarity are NE and NC and these even have LOWER %VOTER POP. So much for a ploy to INCREASE the Northern voter pop. eh?

How about the states. How do they compare? These are the states with the top and bottom VOTER and ACTUAL population
Voter pop. Actual pop.
1. Lagos Kano
2. Kano Lagos
3. Kaduna Kaduna
4. Katsina Katsina

34. Ebonyi Ebonyi
35. FCT Nassarawa
36. Ekiti Bayelsa
37. Bayelsa FCT

Again, almost spot on! Unless you think there was a grand scheme to get these similarities, dating back to decades of previous censors (and you provide credible evidence to that effect), then this correlation shows that THE FIGURES MAKE SENSE!!

When they bring up these arguments (and they will bring up more, especially after the polls), show them this and until they bring concrete proof to show otherwise, know that it is just a cry from people facing defeat and living in denial.

Finally, the very important reason this needs to be out there is that rumours like this flying around are what incite violence, when people feel cheated. If you feel there is a manipulation to favour region, you have to be VERY SURE your allegations are not founded and LIES. Regional/ethnic conflicts are easily ignited by the slightest things, so we have to be careful.

Sources: http://www.population.gov.ng/
http://www.thisdaylive.com/articles/state-by-state-of-eligible-voters/199342/
https://www.nairaland.com/1959081/nigerias-registered-voters-states-geopolitical

A very balanced report. Not unnecessarily sensational.

Let me tell you why some people are SCARED of the CARD READERS:

In 2011, Jonathan recorded 1,381,357 votes in Imo state. But the total number of voters for guber election in Imo was 750,964.

Please someone fact-check and give me a counter claim with proof! This also happened in several other states!! This is UNACCEPTABLE!! And the card readers WILL prevent this kind of magic!!

They won't be perfect but we MUST say YES TO CARD READERS!!

Anyone stating otherwise hates a free and fair election.

I am pretty sure these things happen ONLY IN NIGERIA. The slightest things make people resign even in developing countries not to mentions something as strong as a rigging allegation.

Nigeria is a joke!!

And we wonder why anyone takes us seriously? Hilary Clinton has been under a bit of fire because she used her "personal email" while in office!

Nigeria is a joke!!

. . And we wonder why anyone takes us serious?

Hilary Clinton has been addressing press conferences simply because she used a "personal email". Lol. Nigeria is a joke!!

Oh com'on. I thought she was a bit too patronising, famzing and all but I find the noise about her choice of outfit ridiculous.
Com'on guys, that's what she wears for her shows normally na. Yes, with some hindsight, if she knew she would go approach the president for a picture, maybe she should have considered a more deent outfit (except of course she had other plans . . Lol)

But I don think it's worth the debate it has garnered and she should not have dignified this with a response.

GenBuhari:
I doubt GEJ could win in the Niger Delta.
Asari would need .fight that war on his own

Lol. That one is a citizen of Benin Republic. And has schools and assets there. He stated this clearly on national TV ( not rumours) so I feel sorry for anyone who heeds his "cries of war". Lol. He has a home to run to if anything happens God forbid.

GenBuhari:
Violence is only likely to occur where elections are rigged and overwhelming majority of people feel cheated and disenfranchised.

Fair enough. But with with Niger delta militants threatening war if GEJ loses (not if he is rigged out) you know violence is almost bound to happen, regardless. Regardless of how free and fair it is, people who lose may still incite followers and give the impression that there were massive irregularities.

So solution: Keep the Army at strategic points away from the ACTUAL electoral process. They should particularly be in hot spots like Rivers state. My 2 cents

I'm not surprised. She has said worse in the past. Even some PDP supporters must cringe at her statements.

Now here is the real tragedy: When she says "are we conductor to give change?", "Buhari is brain-dead", "stone them" etc. . . SHE HAS AN AUDIENCE.

For a few enlightened people, her statement is unacceptable and she is one of the reasons they won't vote for GEJ. But for a MAJORITY of "ignorant" people, she is making sense. That is the tragedy. That's why GEJ and his cronies won't and don't try to stop her. She has an audience.

Well done to the DSS. This man is more of a threat than ASARI and his friends that THREATENED WAR ON NIGERIA!!

Well done!!

PedroJP:
Is North not UK's ally in Nigeria ? Check from d very beginning

Hello. The person I quoted said that Buhari will be implicated by whatever report the UK has. If you READ the article, it says relationship with Nigeria i.e the Nigerian govt and that to me is NOT the same thing as Buhari.
It just seems to me, another week attempt at blaming APC/Buhari for everything. Especially considering that the UK has not really said anything categorically so we shouldn't preempt them. Cheers

oneeast:
UK will implicate Buhari if they release that report..

Ah and implicating Buhari (The current "opposition of the NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT) will damage ties with the NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT.

Lol. . Okay that makes sense sha. . lol.

Alphaoscar:
Men must wack and they must collect their own part of the GEJ campaign awoof.

As in, any group looking for money dare not bother endorsing GMB o. There's no 21 billion there.

Seriously, when will NAIRALANDERS SCHOOLING IN FRANCE endorse GEJ? Anything for the cash mehn.

Wow! Fantastic news! Another group gets a share of the 21 billion!! Yay!
"Arewa group in the South" Lol!!!

The main question is:

[size=20pt]WHO DO THE NIGERIAN PEOPLE ENDORSE?!!![/size]

kastonkastrol:
PDP farmer instead of the silly farmer to file a court-case against his incompetent state governor, but he is wasting his time and little money over a fruitless effort.

Buhari is over qualified to run for the highest office in the land. Anybody that is not happy with it should mix a ota-piapia with orijin and drink.

Lol. Did you say he is wasting his little money? Lol. You underrate the power of 21 billion!

You know NAIRALAND has sunk real low when it FLOUTS ITS OWN RULES due to some sort of AGENDA.

Not only is this propaganda topic (which is being rightly ignored) on Nairaland more than once, IT IS ON THE FRONT PAGE TWICE!!!!!!!

For shame!!

dabigwalls:
And where was it also mentioned that it was a short stay flat? Londoner answer.

Nigerians ascribing the unsaid to the said since 1930. In other lands, this is called gbefila.

Buhari is honest though.

Hello. Thanks for your comment.
The statement doesn't say that it was short let. But it also doesn't say that it's a long-term rent.

A few of the respondents on the thread seemed to insinuate that because he was staying in a rented apartment, he must be spending tonnes of money YEARLY!! I was just pointing out that that is not necessarily the case. In fact someone even said that he OWNS a RENTED flat. Lol.

Also, I am not a Londoner as you put it. Lol. I don't need to be to know what obtains elsewhere. It's okay if some people don't know, but it'll make for better conversations if one accepts new info and learns from it.
Have a nice day

The rate of ignorance in Nigeria is at an all-time low. It's all gone to the dogs!!

There is a high court ruling that clearly states that the military have no role to play in the elections. What the PDP should do is appeal that ruling or something. How can the President be leading by example by outrightly going against that ruling (if he plans to).

That, said, in America or other western countries, boy's scout can even oversee elections because there is a minimal chance of violence. BUT THIS IS NIGERIA!! I think that the military is needed to forestall violence as much as possible. The APC's points are valid (use of military to rig and possible voter apathy) but I think all in all, to save lives, let the soldiers help protect! But it should be down the proper way. Don't go against the rule of law!

Not surprised! I simply don't understand how he sleeps at night knowing that these words are there to stay! How can one man have ZERO INTEGRITY?!!

If GMB wins, FFK will attempt to go back to the APC. If APC, accepts him back, we can give up on Nigeria!!!

Gbawe:
Are you not ashamed of yourself? Buhari is going about his legitimate business and you are here talking as if him and his team owes you an explanation for what you should already know as an exposed and educated adult. What other information do you want? Do you want Buhari's PA to give you a daily report of the underwear GMB bought in London?

Lol. You are making the assumption that he/she is actually exposed, enlightened and an adult (not in age but in MIND). Haha. That's a huge assumption o.

Gbawe:
You are 100% correct.

The only thing worse than ignorance is when someone explains something simple to them and they still refuse to learn. That's a disease.

I (and a host of you) pointed out how there are NUMEROUS SHORT-STAY APARTMENTS in London, or any major city for that matter. But they keep arguing (some even quote me but I ignore). Kindly IGNORE please.

There's just so much you can do to help people who are clearly unexposed and unwilling to learn something new! Please let's ignore them.

It's easy to spot people who have never left the shores of Nigeria and haven't even made an attempt to know what obtains elsewhere.

There are SHORT-STAY APARTMENTS that you can rent for as short as ONE WEEK. When some folks have courses abroad, for instance, this is much CHEAPER than staying in a hotel and it can offer a certain degree of flexibility that hotels don't offer.

So you don't have to rent an apartment paying 2 years upfront (with legal, agency and caution )
Thanks for your attention.

I personally don't like OBJ. He is a major cause of our problems today. Because he and the other powers that be wanted a "quiet and submissive VP", we got GEJ when there were other visionaries like DONALD DUKE.

Imagine PRESIDENT DONALD DUKE and his lovely FIRST LADY ONARI. . *sigh*. . But I digress.

So as much as I dislike Obj and don't think anyone should jump at an endorsement from him, I find the back and forth on him by PDP ridiculous. One minute, he is irrelevant and only worth ONE VOTE. The next minute, his defection is going to bring the house down. Which is it folks?!!