This is a real story of a young exUnilag girl who passed
> away last month. Her name was Lola.
> She was hit by a train at Oyingbo on her way to work at
> Apapa.
>
> She was working at the MTN call center. She had a boy
> friend named Emeka, a banker who was recently transfered
> to Abuja . Both of them are true lovers even distance
> could not separate them.
> They were always talking on the phone. You could never
> see her without her Cellphone.
>
> In fact she also changed Emeka's SIM from Celtel to
> MTN, so both of them can be on the same network, and save
> on the cost of calls.
>
>
> She spends half of the day and most nights talking with
> Emeka because she gets free calls. Lola's family
> knows about their relationship.
>
> Emeka is very close with Lola's family in spite of the
> tribal differences. (just imagine their love).
>
> Before she passed away at LUTH,she told her friends
> "If I pass away, please bury me with my
> Cellphone" she also said the same thing to her
> parents.
>
> After her death at LUTH, the attendants couldn't carry
> her body to the mortuary.
>
> A lot of them tried to do so but still couldn't.
> They called more people and everybody tried to carry the
> body, the result was still the same. Eventually, they
> called a person who knew one of her priests in church who
> had the gift of communicating with the dead.
>
> He sprinkled some salt and water on the body and started
> speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said
> "this girl misses something here."
>
> Then her friends told him about her intentions to bury
> her with her phone.
>
> He asked them to bring a coffin, then he opened it and
> placed her phone and sim card inside the casket. After
> that they tried to carry the body. It could now be moved
> and they carried it away easily.
>
> Everyone was shocked and sad, they were so shocked that
> Lola's parents did not inform Emeka that Lola had
> passed away and buried her quickly because of all the
> unusual circumstances.
>
> After 2 weeks Emeka called Lola's mom,
>
> Emeka :, "Aunty, I'm coming to the house today,
> it is Lola's birthday please I hope you will cook
> something nice for me.
>
> Don't tell Lola that I'm coming to Lagos today, I
> want to surprise her."
>
> Her mother replied, "OK You come to Lagos first, I
> want to tell you something very important."
>
>
> After he came, they told him the truth about Lola. Emeka
> though that they were playing an April fool's joke. He
> was laughing and said "don't try to fool me -
> tell Lola to come out, i have a Birthday gift for her.
> Please stop this nonsense".
>
> Then they showed the original death certificate to him.
> They also gave him other proof to make him believe.
> (Emeka started to sweat) He said, "Its not true. We
> spoke yesterday. She still calls me.
>
> Emeka was shaking,

> Suddenly, Emeka's phone rang. "he said, see this
> is from Lola, see this, " he showed the phone to
> Lola's family. all of them told him to answer. he
> talked using the loudspeaker mode.
>
> All of them heard his conversation. Loud and clear, no
> cross lines, no humming. It was the actual voice of
> Lola and there was no way others could use her staff sim
> card since it is nailed inside the casket before she was
> hurriedly buried.
>
> They were so shocked and asked for the same priest (who
> can speak with the souls of the dead) again. This time he
> brought his Bishop along to help solve this matter.
>
> He and his Bishop worked for 5 hours.
>
> Then, they discovered one thing which really
> shocked them,
>
> > >Scroll down,
> >
> > >
>
> > >
>
> > >
>
>
> MTN still has the best coverage!
>
>
>
> "MTN Everywhere you go" is true!! Where ever you
> go, MTN follows!!!
>
>
> > Don't shoot me yet,
> I am also looking for the person who started
> this mail, so I can box him/her too.

Armed robbers went to rub a house, and they promised to rape any female found in the house, on getting there, it was only a ground mother that was the only female in the house. The robbers told the granny, to open her teeth because, the number of teeth she has is the number of rounds they will go, granny open her teeth and it was only three teeth. So the robbers go three rounds, behold! After the last one, granny said, my son, I have another one inside.

A man always look worried at work when getting to the closing time,because of his problem wife. so oneday the wife paid him a casual visit at work and found out that at the four walls of the office, the man hung the portraits of this lovely wife, the wife was so happy, she said darling what did you see or think whenever you look at the portraits?
the man said it consoled me anytime i have a problem in the office,when i look at it , i believe there is no other burdens greater than that. and immediately i will be relief

A crowded united flight was canceled, A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. he slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, ''I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS. ''the agent replied, ''I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out. '' the passenger unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'' Without hestitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. ''May i have your attention please, '' she began her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. ''We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If any one can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14. '' With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. ''F***you! '' Without flinching, she smiled and said, ''I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too. ''

Bible researcher interviewed Hausa, Yoruba and Ibo folks to know what they would rather change in the bible if they were given the chance. The Hausa man said: "Walahi, the adulteress Jesus asked to go should have been stoned fa!" The Ibo man replied: "NNA, I can't understand why Judas returned the money after selling Jesus. In short, he is not a good business man." The Yoruba man retorted: Jesus should have waited just one more day before raising Lazarus from the dead. We had already paid for the ASO -EBI. At least he should have allowed us enjoy the OWAMBE before performing his miracle

Two CALABAR WOMEN were waiting at the Gate OF HEAVEN and struck up a conversation. First WOMAN says "How did you die?" Second says "I froze to death". First WOMAN says "Must have been awful." Second WOMAN says "How did you die?" First WOMAN says "I had a heart attack, I knew my husband was being unfaithful so I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed to the bedroom and found my husband alone reading. I rushed to the basement and nobody was hiding there, I rushed to the attic and still no one, and after all that rushing around I had a heart attack and died." Second WOMAN says, "If only you'd looked in the freezer we'd both still be alive,

oh boy u try no be small

Two men met at the bus-stop and were conversing. One of them complained of having family problems, and the other said: "You think that you have family problems? A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown up daughter and we got married. I got myself a step-daughter. Later, my father married my step-daughter and that made my step-daugter my step mother and my father, my step son. Also, my wife became the mother-in-law of her father-in-law. Much later, the daughter of my wife, who is now my step-mother, had a son. He is my half-brother because he was my father's son but he was also the son of my wife's daughter which makes him my wife's grandson and this makes me a grandfather of my half brother. Now my father who is, "ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!" The other man shouted. You don win.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A pastor, who everybody knows doesnt do what is not in the bible, was going to church. Along the way he came across a girl selling bread "bread, buy your sweet bread". He asked the girl "why should i buy your bread" the girl answered "because Jesus is the bread of life", the pastor was impressed and bought the bread. He saw another girl selling apples, and he asked her why he should buy her apples, and the girl replied "because i am the apple of God's eye". the pastor bought the apple. Later he saw a calabar man selling yam, he asked the man why he should buy his yam, the calabar man replied "because God says 'I YAM THAT I YAM'".

Imagine this happening to u
One Sunday morning during service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns.

One of the men proclaimed,

"Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are."

Immediately, the choir fled,

the deacons fled,
and most of the congregation fled,

Out of the 2,000 there only

remained around 20.
The man who had spoken took off his hood,

He then looked at the preacher and said "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites,  Now you may begin your service. Have a nice
day!"

is like u have igbo man blood runing in vain

Topic of discussion at a women's lib meeting is
that everyone will go home and refuse to do 1
domestic task and forcing their husband to
contribute. The results will be discussed at the
next meeting.

At the next meeting the first women says; I went
home and refused to cook, and the first day I
didn't see anything, and the second day I didn't
see anything, but on the 3rd day my husband broke
down and made a wonderful dinner for the whole
family.

The 2nd woman says; I went home and refused to do
the wash, and on the first day I didn't see
anything, and on the second day I didn't see
anything, but on the 3rd day my husband broke
down and not only did the wash but the ironing as
well.

Then the third woman stands up and says; I went
home and refused to do the shopping, and on the
first day I didn't see anything, and on the
second day I didn't see anything, but on the 3rd
day I could finally see a little out of the
left eye.

A little boy and his grandfather are raking
leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an
earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He
says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in
that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five
dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to
put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes
back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the
worm until it is straight and stiff as a board
Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The
grandfather hands the little boy five dollars,
grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back
out and hands the boy another five dollars. The
little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me
five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know.
That's from your Grandma."

A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked the
owner if he would tattoo the words "yes" and "no"
on his penis.

The owner agreed and the tattooing was underway.

When the job was complete, the man thought his
new tattoo looked great and he paid for the
service.

That night when the man went home he approached
his wife in their bedroom. He stripped off his
pants, then his boxer shorts, and there was his
aroused organ displaying his new tattoo.

He asked his wife, "Well Honey, what do you think
of my new tattoo?"

She said, "You tell me how to cook, you tell me
how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the
laundry, and now you are going to put words
in my mouth!?!?!"

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she
found her naked, waiting for her husband. The
mother asks the daughter, "What are you doing
naked?"

The daughter responds, "This is the dress of
love and it drives my man crazy"

When the mother returned home, she strips naked
and waits for her husband. When her husband
arrives, he asks her, "What are you doing
naked?"

She responds, "This is the dress of love."

And he said to her, "Well, go iron it first

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment
to find out about something exciting and relate
it to the class the next day. When the time came
for the little kids to give their reports, the
teacher was calling on them one at a time.

The teacher was reluctant to call upon little
Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit
crude. But eventually his turn came. Little
Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and
with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on
the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie
had in mind for his report on something exciting,
so she asked him just what that was. 'It's a
period', Johnnie explained.

'Well I can see that,' she said, 'but what is so
exciting about a period?'

'Damned if I know,' said Johnnie, 'but this
morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy
had a heart attack and Mommy fainted.'

check this out

explain it to me cos am confused

i really will like to meet this girl so dat she will disgrace my family too

dats cool bu have seen it like 20 times over here hahaha

i love dat

diddy4dt:

shut up there and stop recycling jokes. are we here to recycle jokes. if u aint got nothing to post. don't post nothing. damn u man.

am not suprise coz u are good in insulting ppl

They made an engaging looking couple in the swank
restaurant. The man was handsome, graying and
obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any
eye -- very young, ravishing and delectable.

As they each read their menus, the gentleman
asked his date what she would like to eat.

She scanned the menu yet again, and said "To
begin, I'll have two champagne cocktails, then a
dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of
turtle soup. As entrees I'll have the filet of
English sole followed by pheasant under glass,
plus an a la cart e order of asparagus tips. For
dessert, they may just bring the cart.

Somewhat surprised not only by her appetite, but
by the cost of all of this, he asked, "Tell me.
Do you eat this well at home?"

"Well, no." she admitted, "But no one at home
wants to sleep with me."

A man and his wife got into bed for the night.
The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the
husband put his bed lamp on to read a book.
As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to
his wife and started handling her pussy. He did
this only for a very short while then stopped and
went back to reading his book.

The wife got up and started stripping in front of
him. The husband was confused and asked, "What
the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?"

The wife replied, "You were playing with my
pussy. I thought it was pre-intimacy for something a
bit heavier".

The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my
fingers so I could turn the pages.

The seven most important men in a blonde's life:

1. Dentist: Because he says, "Open wide"

2. Doctor: Take off your clothes.

3. Milkman: Do you want it in the front or back?

4. Hairdresser: Do you want it teased or blown?

5. Interior Designer: Once it's in, you'll love it

6. Banker: If you take it out too soon you'll lose
interest.

7. Hunter: Always goes deep in the bush, always
shoots twice, and always eats what he shoots.

life and direct

dm:

Ganja Bobo     

Joke never finish for world now.
You dudes are just re-cycling.
Hmmmmmm.

well if u find any one dat is re cyclied just over look it and make coments again

when u land at MMairport and they told u no ligth dont be suprise dat 9ija for u

oh boy na so u dey mess?

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice."
Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."