₦airaland Forum

ok

bukatyne: Ever heard opporrunities work for those who are prepared abi luck favours the prepared.

He must have started preparing himself towards his future and Hilary's connection just clicked to make oit easier.

P.S.: Did Bill practice hypergamy?

What a woman!

ok
me i believe in natures being complimentary

You call him slow; someone else calls him methodical
He may be content with his job or he loves the job or the colleagues

Refer to Maslow's hierarchy where people are satisfied with esteem and self awareness rather than basic needs of food and security

Nashville: No sir, he wouldn't. If she wasn't there, he would have used someone else. That was a man going somewhere right from the start and he was always going to get there, either one way or another. He had become Governor of Arkansas at age 32 and was Attorney General at 30. And you say that is a man who would have been a regular guy down the street if not for his wife.

Bros, I think its the other way round. Hilary Clinton has a chance of becoming first female president cos she married Bill. She knew all along that this was the guy to be with - even when he didnt want her.

Abeg make we no derail the thread.

Yes they met at yale law

He needed her connections to make it

if he did not.. he will be a normal guy down the street with a legal practice

Nashville: Bros, we are talking about waiting for your girlfriend to send you links before you can apply for a job. Seriously, that guy is slow. It's not about being an introvert or extrovert. That is just being slow. Some introverts are some of the most driven and motivated people around; its just that they may not be the most outgoing - that is completely different.

Please, Hilary DID NOT push Bill's career. They met at Yale Law School. Do you know what it is to get to Yale Law? And secondly, Bill was extremely driven, motivated, wise and street smart. Hilary tagged on to Bill because she saw where he was headed and she knew this was the right guy to be with at all cost. She DID NOT push his career. This was a man that became President at age 46. The youngest since JFK. Abeg talk another one.

And yes, Jonathan is driven and motivated. If you are not, you wouldn't even be in Nigerian politics at all; where you have to do all sorts before you can get an appointment. He is certainly slow but he is motivated.

Nash,,, must everybody be driven

Im sure you are aware of the personality and temperaments

What is the whole purpose of compatibility and matching

All males are not extroverts or bullish does not mean they will not be successful

The president of a nation (we all know who)is an introverted character yet he rose to rule his state and now nation

For those in the know, Hillary pushed Bill's career....

Nashville: Rebella, I agree with you. If a man has to wait for his girlfriend to send him job links before he can apply for a job then something is wrong somewhere. He may have potential but he is a bit slow. He may be intelligent, but he is not driven. Your cousin should break up with him, because when they get married, she will be the one pushing him to build a house, buy a car, get a better job, ask for a pay raise, even negotiate items in the market sef.

boohoo....

you are the one debating potential is not money

As i said i have no problem with the players..its a game

most of you women love the dough then u mask it with words like intelligence, handsome, charisma etc bla bla bla

i know d game and i keep it real

cococandy: But seriously who was arguing that with you before?

Everyone knows some women marry for money. While others are wise enough to look beyond money and look at what matters.

The OP only asked how one can differentiate between a guy who has real potential and one who's just a lazy dreamer.
And folks were giving their candid opinions.

You have a way of striking up debate even where not necessary.

njokusboy: bwahhahahahahhahhaha
she said a good percentage, wanted to correct her and say "a very good percentage' ....... but i changed my mind

lol

the bolded in your post kills it

You sef park well

cococandy: Keep laughing sha.


What I gave you was an example biko.
There are a million and one things anyone can do.

Besides Op asked what is potential.
That's what we are on about.
If he asked do women marry for money? Then this would follow because I know a good percentage would marry for money.

You're the one going on about something else.I didn't read anyone here saying women don't sometime marry for money.

But Even them broke dudes still marry.
And your 70 year old example has poor and broke examples too. As long as they practise polygamy in their area.

Is potential money? Nope
Can potential bring money? Yes.
Does it mean every man with money has potential? No. Some are just lucky.
Meaning that a woman can still marry a man who isn't rich but has shown that he's not going to be spoon-feed-me kind of man.

If it was all about money,I'd have married the first miilionaire I met.
Park for one corner abeg.

I guess that simplifies it....

I agree with the dicta: Dictate your preference and live by it

TV01: And in a reductionist sense, that was always pretty much the deal. Provision by men & Fertility (usually represented by beauty & youth) by women.

And as I've always said, let everyone dictate their own preferences - and be willing to live by them. What I don't agree with is duplicity and treacherously dealing woth other people.

If they don't have what you want, don't go there, free them. Don't introduce, engage or marry with every intention of bailing as soon as something "better" comes along under the "going with my heart" rubric. Hence the "Serial Wife" thread posted by Aisha2 recently.

Likewise, men don't marry them with the intention of splitting them for 2 twenties when they hit 40 - after 5 kids and 50 kg weight gain .

So although we have the basics of Provision & Fertility, we need a higher sensibility about marriage for the greater long-term good of society. Undertaking marriage with an individual and selfish mindset of what's personally best for me right now will not make for strong families and flourishing societies.


For men, I've repeatedly stated what I think is the best generic pattern for marriage. Not being prescriptive, simply make it bespoke too fit or apply your own template.


TV


^{disclaimer: I was not at all interested in what my wife earned when I met her. I noted her impecabble make-up and hair, watched her stride about in impossibly high chunky heels and a tight-fitting mermaid dress. Snap her fingers and run things - all the while nodding my head. Then she knelt down to pick something up, my jaw hit the ground and I said "da.y.um, I do believe I've met my bride". Potential ke? Everything had potented already !}

bukatyne: Do you see women chanting 'beautigamy'? they get to work fixing hair/nails/eyelashes, bleaching, wearing butt pads, dressing like Kim K, buying Brazilian hair etc. so why are men disturbing us with 'hypergamy'?

Please get to work.

Then we (the sexes) get each other ... no wahala

bukatyne: I have not said everybody must work in Oil & Gas; at least, neither I or hubby does

I am saying 'potential' as regards money is boom! With right connection, positioning, luck and hardwork; it is relatively easy.

Besides, you started the Oil & Gas talk.

Bros, poor people get married every day; several people will never be 'rich' no matter what they do; Some will lose their wealth etc. and yet all these men are still married/get wifey.

Using O&G was an example
Poor people get married..yes But the wives complain, some even leave the marriage at the end.. with kids!

lets be real

bukatyne: Those that see 'potential' has such as always done so.

Men have chased beauty and elegance for ages so what is the problem?

Everybody is free to make their standards... if it is potential they want to call it, then potential it is!

Exactly.. thats the game.. dont hate the player...I dont
Money for women... Beauty for men

Chikena!!

As usual.. your comments are real and humane

I personally dont have any problem with women looking for money and comfort
It means i have to step my game up

However not all efforts yield success in the desired capacity.. thats the fact\

damiso: But Nashville Again I feel drive/potential is relative. As always I will use the two closest men in my life which are my husband and my dad.My Dad even though I love him to bits had very lofty ideas and his greatest ambition which he sadly never accomplished till his death was to become the Governor of Lagos State . Unfortunately Nigeria was and is still not ready for his brand of politics.i don't want to go into much details but that drive sometimes was an issue in my parents marriage.My mum said rhe day after their wedding she did not see him for 1 week as he was contesting for the then Lahos State House of Assembly.Lateef Jakande was his political mentor and my Dad sacrificed alot just to realise this ambition even quality family time.Am sure my mum maybe saw a potential Governor of Lagos State that sadly never materialised and sometimes even put the family finances into trouble. So it was not for want of drive or ambition or even effort it just never materialised.

My husband cannot be more different and some days I ask myself if i subconsciously intentiionslly went the opposite direction.My husband has none of that ambition that my Dad had to be in the corridors of power etc I never saw a potential governor or billionaire or millionaire sef (ok milliinaire in pounds ) but I saw a man who would do (and still does) everything to make sure his family is comfortable.Now even that comfortability might be relative cos to another person 4 holidays a year is the start of being comfortable.

To me therefore potential is a man who puts his family first and sadly that might not necessarily translate to a millionaire.To others potential is much better as a future governor.

I agree however that a man has to do what he has to do even with meagre resources.But this your family friend sef is not just sitting at home is he?

Welcome to the world .. bro

Money makes the world go round

All that potential format na wash

Its just that they dont want to accept

onegig: oh ok. Thanks for setting me aright. I was wondering why i kept seeing money, money, money and more money everywhere on this thread from MOST ladies.

Having money is good but I can now see why the society is the way it is. When everything tends towards money, no one wants to sacrifice.

But wait don't we have people who's dream and ambition is to touch and help as many people as possible or a scientist who's interested in inventing a cure for a deadly disease or a teacher who's interested in raising the leaders of tomorrow? Do we say these people don't have potentials just because their life goals doesn't involve raking in the big bucks even when what they make in that cause can actually take care of the basic needs of a family?
Now i see things more clearly. Apparently learning new things everyday.

So what of those who dont get oil n gas jobs or dont have the connections or dont get the breaks in life

bukatyne: I am sure all the lower staffs, bus conductors, mechanics, etc. married must have married from the moon

All this talk of hypergamy is moot; everybody marries someone they think will add values to their lives whether that value is money, children, position, cooking skills, MRS. title bedmatics etc. is something else altogether.

@ OP: Every woman should marry a man with the potential and drive to succeed otherwise, he will pull you down when you decide to fly.
I believe potential as discussed in this thread is earning power which does not require much. Right positioning, luck, connection and hardwork etc. will do the trick. If I am lucky and secure a job in a Oil & Gas coy immediately I graduated, I have passed potentials and have manifested whether I merit it or not.

The important thing is what really drives that person.

And not all drives/visions result to riches.

tomiobj: no. Nigerian networks cant stream videos

You mean from my network i cant watch foreign shows evenfrom Nigeria?

Dude

LOL..


I have no problem with that

Guys in school who beefed the aristos who carried the chicks knew that they had to step up their game to get the chics

we know the game..its a MONEY GAME

I wonder why the ladies are calling it a POTENTIAL GAME

Meanwhile these same cats will argue that its the mans duty to provide

If we are equal..why do u need a man to be anything

njokusboy: Lolzzz, I been no want comment before sef but the thing funny me...

Most babe's I know, they just graduated, served and got married.... Naso one bomboy wey get fine car snap dem up marry dem, even though they had done nothing for themselves..
What of that their boyfriend wey sabi book for class, ask them why they didn't wait for him, abi him no get potential
It's even worse among my igbo girls, Young fresh pretty girls, as soon as they graduate, they marry a gallant igbo niccur with a nice car and a big shop in Ariaria markets who may or MAY NOT have a university degree...
Those that speak in pounds and Dollars, dem no get time for English...
Potential ko, solar ni

onegig: Another wrong definition of what POTENTIAL is. It's not about the money or how much your job pays.

I would gladly stay in a job that i am happy with than go for one with higher pay. It's about contentment. Higher salaries does not equate more happiness. There's a point where elasticity sets in and any extra penny you get won't add a pint of happiness to you.

You are the one not getting what potential is to a woman

POTENTIAL = MONEY

AcTUALISATION = More MoNEY

I tire ooo

No mind cococandy

she does not want to agree as it makes chics out to be materialistic somewhat..

But thats the fact... a smart guy knows d score... get the dough and the chics roll in

They will come here and give us some spiel about some dude they loved and he had no money etc blah blah blah

The key question is DID U MARRY HIM

njokusboy: Simple, dis potential talk is real bull crap... women want a man with money, potential means jack to them... If you no get money, u no get potential.... girls marry men with money not Potential...
Abi dem dey write potential for forehead?

You make me laugh

So is it everyone destined to sell akara with 200k

Do you know the percentage of businesses which fail within the first year.. am not sure u do

You lot come here, saying the same spiel..

I hope you have seen the young wives of the 70 year old king.. the guy really has potential

Women are hypergamous.. accept it and move on...

if i ask most of the married women here, they married people in telecooms, oil n gas..yet u say potential

Potential indeed...

I like posters like ThoniasLIM who r real.. you are trying to whitewash and bamboozle.. say it as it is

Where is DailyNews for some epistles..


www.nairaland.com/attachments/1673341_10678849_574127662693226_1774560929959361581_n_jpegbf66557ef47abae1f8c122cf1f0033bb

cococandy: Wrong.
Comfort and money isn't the word. If it is,
Meaning a crook with stolen money is a fair match?
Or a thief and swindler(AKa yahoo boy) can be regarded as a guy with potential?

Oh please.

Note that I haven't said some ladies won't marry such men. Some sure will.

But when talk like that,you're saying as long as it is money,the quality of the person is irrelevant.
If it is plainly about the money for every woman,why do some run away when they discover that the man is into shady deals?

It's not so much about the money as it is about the qualities which makes him a go-getter in the first place. That's like 50percent of the attraction. Even before you begin to touch the physical cash,the fact that he's man enough to succeed in the face of set backs and barriers is a turn on.

Hassanjj: Crazy niggar

how far

Nothing wrong in this or that

Ladies should come out and speak plainly rather mouthing gibberish like potential when all they mean is comfort and money

Thats the point

bukatyne: Well Well Maybe Nigerian ladies will stop chasing money or equating potential to money the day Nigerian men have more to offer than money.

If a lady believes all men are cheats, etc. she should by all means look for a rich or potentially rich guy to marry.

Like a friend of mine (a guy) would say, even if a rich husband hates you, he will buy you a car, his name will give you connection to grow your own business, will get people to do stuffs for you etc. not because he loves you but to maintain his status.

It is better to cry in a BMW than to cry in a keke.

If one must eat frog, he must eat the one that has egg

Adufemi: Yes he did, recently to the US . My business is struggling, I made a mistake by travelling to get goods cos most of my capital went to hotel, flight transportation etc I had little capital to buy the goods itself, I made a loss but with the little I made I have been buying and selling with it, sourcing for goods locally. Its lucrative but I cater for all my needs and some of my childrens needs from what I make. (He meets the childrens needs, he loves them) but as a mum I still take some up. I also take care of my medications and medical needs from this. it hasnt helped the biz. I am grateful tho cos I havent had to beg.

This is really sad..considering you are his family

The issue of the loss happened but it taught you some skills

Continue growing that biz

I asked have u spoken to your parents on the current issues.. He loves his kids? thats the bare minimum.. he should

Adufemi: @ bellong am thinking there is sumfin else I can do, am not thinking straight maybe am doing sumfin wrong, as no one is an island of knowledge, am looking for suggestions on what else I can do to make him love me @ Xano thats d summary @ pickabeau forex is a long time ago ,he gets angry then cos he was loosing money and he probably was feeling bad about it and he cldnt stop,he dint want anyone to remind him. forex is like gambling.he is very successful now now, has a great job bought several cars after that, disposed d car.off. @ Ayo gabriel and samuelson thanks

lot of people lost money to forex and have moved on

Modified: I just saw the longer post

Wow.. you are going thru a lot

he travelled with his ex twice?

How is your business doing

have u discussed with your parents?

Chronicles of a Retired BUT NOT Tired King


Alaafin: Olori mi

Olori: Baba mi

Alaafin: Oya fa mi ni rugbon..

Olori pulls his beard and twirls in hair

Alaafin: Oya bo si bi kowa gba kondo

Olori: Beeni olowori mi

EnlightenedSoul: There's nothing more attractive than intelligence and ambition. An individual who has no vision and no set goals is just as aimless as a next lazy person - which is fine if that's what you're about. You can lack the ambition to keep yourself fed and the universe will continue to spin around as usual.

We all search for traits important to us in a life partner. It's nothing new.

forthrightness and simple

I wonder why the other ladies are remiss to accept this

lols

fruqsy: lols...sometimes i just feel some guys come to this world to suffer...nobody wants a broke dude again.

bellong: You have not completed your story.
What do you need help on?

In addition to this question..

why does he get angry when u talk of forex

Is he still working

Where is d car

fruqsy: lols...i know you'll prefer when his pocket is loudably potential...you no wan follow fry akara.

Yes now..ladies no dey dull reach that side

marieolae: sick nd tired of men stero typing ladies

Why do you think he is stereotyping ladies
If you have read most of the comments here by the ladies so far it's about steady great job, money for transportation or recharge cards, or trading from Lagos to Aba.

It's good to be factual so that guys know the score and ginger themselves to face the task and realities

Money is the game..Dont hate that game

What is potential to you

Remember that not all potential is actualized


Also remember that rich dude one married may fall on hard times or die premature

Once again..what Is potential to you

kolamilan: i like this thread. Nice one guys.

You should be more interested in the comments if the ladies

So fat it has been materially inclined

Kudi..owo..

Not necessarily a bad thing

Guys should know the score so as to step up

fruqsy: correct!
God bless you with a potential guy...make sure you stand by him o,even if he decides to start from frying akara...

Potential no dey reach that side oo..lol

tomiobj: . Dint know nigerians watch marvel agents of shield

Did you know Nigerians had cable TV or had broadband to watch online shows

zboyd: Married women aren't the subject here. Why would they be?

If you want the true gist of something, go to the horse's mouth.

Some single women believed their pastors, when he told them to pray and wait for God to send them their future husbands...so they keep waiting...as the years keep marching by.

And...may I remind you that some men aren't marriage material either which some unfortunate women discover, only after they marry them.

As far as the secular world being a normal element of social interactions, I somewhat disagree.

Some Evangelical churches have such a tight hold on their congregants that the pastors control what they wear, what they read, what they listen to, where they can go, who they can socialize with AND who they can marry.

You are free to disagree

However I know of many churchgoers who have normal social lives outside life

Saying they are brainwashed to live like zombies is sensationalism at best

These same women you call victims of manipulation are well open eyed n amiable when the pockets of the suitor are sufficiently deep

That is when they see visions for the rich dude in the aisle

They have met their potential mate long ago but he did not have a car, or he had a less fashionable one.

He did not live in a highbrow apartment

He did not travel overseas once a year or does not have a dual citizenship.

Most of these women are victims ..yes of their own greed!!

zboyd: Different views are fine.

However, women are withering on the vine in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond waiting for God -- The Matchmaker to send them a man to marry.

To date -- they still have NO HUSBANDS!!!

At this rate, they may die virgins -- unmarried and childless -- not a grandchild in sight.

Your points are not clear
In one breath you are condemning men of the flock who manipulate women and in another saying religion is responsible for them staying single

Which is it

The acts of the manipulating men are to be condemned
What I don't get is your stance that church will make a lady single.

Have u bombarded GTConnect on the available platforms

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