₦airaland Forum

bukatyne: I used fore, Ihedinobi2 wanted grand
Everybody wants to marry someone who will add value to them. What that value is differs.
So I do not see the need to single out that of women

Yep

beauty vs money

bukatyne: That they marry bad husbands?

Are all poor men good?

Or am I missing your point?

forget it..

bukatyne

i dont see any bashing here.. just plain reality... just that it predates grandmothers,,

if u had all u wrote above in your head all this while, why all the roundabout questions since trying to disprove hypergamy

its natural

Godmystrength: xx

Ok

Godmystrength: make una no vex o.

okay

Me ke....? who i be wey i go vex?


You never ansa my question

Generally women are still seen to bring less to a relationship
Until this changes, all this issues will not stop

I see all of u saying marry a woman that works for you but i never saw the advice, marry a man that works for u
It was all his earning capacity, intelligent etc bla bla

Godmystrength: me derail ke? never. I was only responding to some comments ni o.

No madam... you made it about husband material first
Anyhow... no wahala....

Generally women are still seen to bring less to a relationship
Until this changes, all this issues will not stop

I see all of u saying marry a woman that works for you but i never saw the advice, marry a man that works for u
It was all his earning capacity, intelligent etc bla bla

scribble: lol y did u call pickabeau for me

madam alls am saying is i like ponmo but i also like roundabout, im quite particular about abodi too

i like assorted, u dig/

what i dont like is assorted drama

Lol... u r catching ur trips... hmmm

Godmystrength.. why did u derail this topic from wife material to husband material...

ok

bukatyne: In the morning/afternoon in the open?

I don't think so

kaboninc: I like the bold part of your post. About the 'most women', I think its the fear of not settling with a 'capable' man a woman will be prepared to switch sides or rather 'port'. I heard they call it 'hypergamy'. Its a good thing we know about these ladies and we can either do two things: help them - because it is obvious they have this fear of insecurity and; secondly avoid them. Your personality will decide which.

Also, you can't blame them because life is dealing with them and its a pity they can't understand. They do so later in life (if they ever will) and if unfortunate, it becomes too late.

I dont blame them..im just saying it as it is.. ladies should not appropriate the word potential as the meaning of the word is miles apart from what they think it is.
Or rather they are interested in the potential growth of current earning capacity i.e. Future Earning Potential

bukatyne.. can the bolded help you understand where d pity is

bukatyne: How do you know those guys would make good husbands?

Stories that touch abound,...

Even im sure ur hubby/cousin/uncle/<some male figure around you> will have some lady that left them when they were struggling

Thats life

Thats the game

whats your point?

ihedinobi2: Like I said, it depends on the culture. In cultures where war was how the economy thrived, it would be really weird to say that smiths were not the créme de la créme.
It was always about ability and the man's views for the future.
As for what it is now, I am still waiting for one woman to prove to me that she has a backbone. In real life, of course.

Happy waiting
In war economies, the warriors were the top elite.. the weak were scum

bukatyne: I remember at her age, I would said thank you and the adult would have probably engaged me on my school et al till we parted.

Just an aside..even then,, most will be scared of being walked across a street by a stranger
Maybe na silver spoon u get

iphunanya: Thanks dearie

How did u solve the z10 issue

crackhaus: Haha... I saw and I just had to quote.

ok

magictouch: you can only try your possible best to communicate by initiating the discussion in a subtle manner but when all else fails and you cannot force his mouth open to talk what do you do. each time I give him distance he becomes the one starting up talks.

This is not the best way, but it is my last option

bukatyne: So why the sudden complaint?

Are the men just waking up?

Not waking up... those who are doing so are just expressing frustration and another group may be expressing pity for girls who lost a good guy due to the lust for wealth
As i said much earlier.. i know the score

ihedinobi2: Not in all cases, bro. There were men who were hunters, smiths and carpenters or builders depending on the culture and they had no farmland to give to their children. What they did was give them a skill and turn them loose. Even when they were given any farmland or wealth of that sort, it was a starter, nothing more. The boy built his own wealth with his new wife.

Those qualities are the true potential then, don't you agree? That has been my argument: that it is what makes a man wealthy and a person to be reckoned with that women should seek rather than emergent wealth.

Onlyfew of these people made it to the top of the food chain
Of course they married... no issue with that

They were not the pick of the pack

I agree with you on potential but bro.. our sisters are not in for a long thing

Most Women dont even remember the gift you gave them yesterday.. Its about the NOW

PietroRico: ogbeni, I never. Knew podoslki was your neighbour?

Since you want to be specific.. those wives were not married by those men BUT by their fathers
He gave his son a part of his compound for him to build a home there to house his new wife and family
He was alo given part of the ancestral farmland to farm

If he had no such family support or was poor.. he had to hustle

At the bolded, hope you aware those qualities were an indicator of wealth

A good wrestler tended to be favored by patrons...


Its been that way.. lets not over romanticise the past

Those days..as a poor man it was not sure for you with a woman even if you were married

Remember the proverb: A rich man will aways collect a poor man's wife
Thats why the return proverb was: Even if u collect a poor man;s wife, you cant collect his child

ihedinobi2: In one sense you appear right. But you aren't quite so right. As I said in another thread, in many cultures in the past women were betrothed in babyhood and typically, young men in their early teens who were just starting life were given wives by their fathers to help them build up their lives. If they wished to marry more that was up to them. It is in this modern age when every green kid wants to do it all by themselves that you see all this stuff happening.

Back in the old days, if women grew into young adulthood without a husband, they typically chose based on reports concerning a man's strength, skill and ambition. Not how much he had in the barn already. The latter was the exception not the rule.

Long life and prosperity.. Many more years ahead

https://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/don-t-keep-calm-because-it-s-your-birthday-6.png

lofty900: my thoughts exactly,how can she have a good career and the same town be willing to settle down in a rented apartment and also manage a small business for a married man, anyways u never know how far a desperate lady is willing 2 go to get a hubby

Lets wait for the OP
she or he has a point they are playing towards.. hookups?anti-polygamy?

Siddon look

ihedinobi2: I think you mean our grandmothers. The preoccupation with material well-being and comfort is relatively new.

bukatyne: And my question is 'why this preoccupation'?
Afterall, values are passed down from our fore/grandmothers to us

On the contrary it is not new

In the old days, the scion of rich men or those who had large farms/barns had both the pick of the women in quality and quantity
Exceptions to these wer artists who were opportuned toget breaks or were favored by rich patron

Its always been about the money

Thes two sentences are contradictory

Aside being a second wife, whats the deal about her being resettled.. what exactly is her career

integritysingle: Most people out there can relate to this story, one way or the other
I had a chat with a lady in her late thirties, single, educated with a very good career; I asked her what kind of man she would like to settle down with? She told me the qualities she was looking for in a man, it was really simple and interesting, just like what any normal person would desire.
Due to her age and her past willingness to hook up with a man that proved abortive, she had resigned to settle down with a married man who had promised to rent an apartment in another city and open a small business for her.
Her story really touched my heart, because I had met a promising young man few months ago who fits exactly into her kind of man and vise vasa. Unfortunately these two individuals are in separate locations, which has made it impossible for them to meet.
Matilda will have to trade her happiness and that of her unborn children for her decision to marry for a wrong reason. I cannot really fault Matilda’s actions because she is just like any other busy person out there, who rarely has time to interact, but if there was someone to link these two together, they probably would have ended well in life.
There are so many other reasons why people get married that lead to a separation, which affects children, as well as the couple.
This story and so many others gave birth to integrity singles event. At integrity singles we take it upon our self’s to connect like-minded people of integrity, also to dig deep in finding out what qualities and what interest both male/female are looking for in each other, we then connect those of similar interest and desires.
08169818562. Pin 25B41342

afrinaija: The woman, identified as Mama Ijeoma, had long suspected the girl, an SSS3 student identified as Ada, of doing things with her husband, but for some time she couldn’t do anything about it.

Source from www.afrinaija.com

At the bolded... But u beat them

Daresh: I have 2 kids, my son is almost 6 and my daughter is 3 and I dont beat them.

My children are not drums. I usually talk them thru it.

Occasionally I spank their bums but then they have committed grave sin.

I think naughty corner or locking them in the room serves as a better punishment than beating.

I'm not a violent person by the way, I don't like fighting and I can't kuku fight sef

One that will complement you, be a good counsellor, respect you and not add sorrows to your plate

Faithful and loyal

Ready to acknowledge she has made a mistake, lives at peace with herself, hubby and others

Not overly possessive and thinking of only herself and her kids only, empathethic and sees herself as a matriarch of harmony

A non liability.

This is not exhaustive

nnekaogo: Please, what is mackintosh?

He should seek medical help
In the meantime use adult diapers

Modified: alutacontinua has given excellent advice

Adufemi: Thanks ! But wia communication has broken down totally what happens? We dont even talk anymore just the occasional are u eating? Yes, No. Gosh I have tried! But he says he is not interested in any form of communication, except I want to go crazy, its either I ignore o r we part ways temporarily. I believe temporary seperation shld be the last resort. So I have chosen the mind games. I choose to love myself, to love my kids to ignore anything or whoever makes me sad. Live my life and be happy. What do u think?

i think bellong has spoken my mind
separation at times may be helpful in forcing confrontation to deal with the issues .. its not always negative

You may need to get a discreet elderly person to initiate couselling and mediation

raumdeuter: @Nashville,

If that man suddenly by a stroke of luck wins Lagos lotto of say 50m, He would suddenly become a man with potential

imasleek: The school is in akobo. thanks

I suggest the following alternatives

- Discuss with ur cousin to hook u with an acquaintance or elder person/female who may appreciate the temptations a young female is susceptible to

- Another option is someone in university. maybe a PG student

- Discuss with a church and their welfare committee they may be able to help

- Let his gf move back and you guys help

This guy may be genuine but people change

Nairalandinfo: Heard there will be @least 20-25 chapterz 4 Sas-gay & Naruto to fight 4 the hokage.....there is still suspense 4 Oro......oh what a downslide to a manga!!!!!!!
Fufufuuufufuufuufufuufufufuufuufuf....Bekehooheko...........Bekobekobeko

We eagerly await the stories

MizMyColi: it boils down to having a security of sorts. For some, its emotional. for others, its financial/material. There are 3 more, I can't remember now.

Ok

MizMyColi: Like someone said, (can't remember who) "We're all trying to be different, ain't it exactly what makes us the same?" Now to directly answer your ? I think, at the base....we ladies're all in pursuit of one thing; Happiness

And what are the characteristics or expression of this happiness?

MizMyColi: It's a different strokes for different folks thang, methinks

Any commonalities?