₦airaland Forum

ihedinobi2: Good point. Still, it is tough to hire a woman when it is such an economic risk to do so. That is the point.

So whats the solution

ihedinobi2: Actually he has.
If you consider that feminism as a concept is merely about the well-being of the female folk, then it is not a bad concept and it can also be abused. If someone decides to go beyond looking out for women and starts pushing for female dominance at the expense of any other person's wellbeing, then they can hide under the umbrella of feminism and push an agenda that actually negates it. That is what abuse is.
That abuse is what he calls radical feminism.

ok.. when i have a bit of time.. i will jawjaw with him

softsparkyy: Oh thanks but now he is bald.

all join

softsparkyy: Lol . but na my papa nose I carry.

Wow.. love your dad's fro

obito dead.. kaguya seperated from zetsu...

ok oooo


AZz....

Many more years.. Congratulations

E lo ra yin gbo oo

callmenow: For the avoidance of doubt, Ms Adichie does not take prisoners. She did not 'dis' Achebe. On the contrary, she stated that Achebe authored for a different time and place. She also admitted that Achebe was a pioneer. On Nigeria, she is 'angry' that we (Nigerians) are apologetic for 'disengaging' from intellectual pursuits and dwelling more on trivia and rampant consumption. On feminism, she believes that the 'black woman' especially the eboe women are too differential to the black men. That the women are often seen as an appendage of the male of the species. Essentially, she believes in unapologetic equality of men and women. She is using her 'status' as an 'International Author' to promote her activism. Ms Adichie is the epitome of 'class' and sophistication. Above all, she has grace. It is an insult to compare Ms Adichie and other 'Nigerian' women (even the blessed Dr Iweala). She is hair, head and shoulders above them all. She is not a politician, nor an entertainer, but a brilliant mirror to the 'disgusting' Nigeria (in particular eboe land) society we wish to propel to the 21st century, despite the screaming in the background

Do you have a link to the article on her dis on achebe...

So you rank Adichie ahead of women like Ngozi Okonjo, Funmi Ransome Kuti etc .. interesting

this is fangirlism to the core

Thanks for that simple clear statement

I wonder why he is taking other feminist groupings off the table

Christian, prolife, Islamic, Atheist, Queer etc

The funniest of them all is Christian feminist

TV01: I see your point here; extreme feminists demonise men while "regular" feminists either don't or indeed demand "equality" for men as well?

This presents problems as you are attempting to define feminists outside of feminism. Specifically it's tenets.

No fault divorce and the criteria for child custody and asset division is unfair to men. None of the feminist types "as described" are fighting against this.

Full reporductive rights for women, not only excludes men, but in it's fullness allows women to garnish responsibilities from men without affording them the attendant rights. Again, I do not see any feminsits as you've defined railing against this.

Your point is overly reductionist and simplistic. I feel feminism should be judged by it's outworkings on society as a whole - it's tenets and their implications - not just on whether some loathe men and some do not.

Just as we have men that hate women, we take action only against those who hate women and would deny or violate their rights. If some feminsits hte men, but are not acting in a way or promoting ideologies that actively harm them, what is the problem?


TV

MrAnony1: That's a gross misrepresentation of what I said. Please read me again. I never said that insults are the difference, I said that demonizing men is the difference. If you want us to have a fruitful discussion then please at the very least, do me the courtesy of accurately representing my position.

I have taken d liberty of defining demonize .. see below and quoted the most apt definition
I ask you again

1. When you say demonize is that a group characteristic or a personal one as most of the comments i read by our resident feminists involve one comment saying men are dogs, men are cheats, evil etc bla bla bla

2. Are you saying that until i hear them speak, then i know whether they are radical or regular

=============================================
Demonize

1. to make into or like a demon

2. to subject to demonic influence

3. to mark out or describe as evil or culpable: the technique of demonizing the enemy in the run-up to war

aisha2: She is saying there is no insults that its a healthy thread and it should stay that way and not go on front page then turn to a circus.

ok..yes i see now

I agree it shouldnt as there is an element of comfort and trust which will not be shared when it goes FP

No front page

hispinkolo.. if it goes.. u can request for the mods to lock the thread too and reopen after

hispinkolo: If this thread goes to FP,I'll delete my posts and deactivate my account.
I've loved that it's been under the radar which keeps out the NL morons,and allows us to be honest.

No one is judging or castigating anybody here and I'd love us to keep it that way please.No name calling too especially for the spouses and families of people complaining cos it will make them defensive.
Let's keep it argument and insult free please.

Thank you

I am not sure I have seen any insults.. where was this

I agree this should not be a frontpage

Also no thread to threaten na

thorpido: Na Ebola go first catch this guy where he run go.
It's a question of time,he'll get caught and face the consequences of his action.
Why do people let evil rule their hearts this way?

Sagamite: Emotions?

Does your emotion matter?

You are not a real man then. Real men's emotion is only linked to how well their women say they eat their shyt. If you eat it well, then you should be happy.

Fake man!

When you grow up and become more "mature" like onegig, you will know that your job on Earth is to satisfy one woman's emotions while she does not give a shyt about yours and only looks out for her interest.

Park your own emotions and satisfy hers. That is what REAL MEN do.

You are a Cave Man!

All due respect this is still windowdressing... the issue still remains

I had said earlier she is not a typical abuse victim as she has political connections to get back on her feet
How many of our sisters have this access

NGOs need to be set up to help abuse victims or they will go back to the abuser

The praise? Hahaha,,, they said she is qualified naa

Chillisauce: It's not about female, this is some serious ish.The unemployment in Nigeria is scary . Now someone who has been out of job over half a decade with a mental issue suddenly lands an attractive government position.
If they wanna help her, they can start with getting something out of her ex husband and start up a firm for her rather than giving her a government job which I'm very very sure she didn't go through the assessment.

I know how it feels writing an exam and someone who didn't even appear for that gets the job.

And here we are, praising her.
I tire

I wish I had much money; I would have visited the U.K and get to know the facts of what is going on

A middle aged woman with so many years in a career?

ok

Chillisauce: As per getting her a job. If truely patience Jonathan has a hand in this, she is also a problem in the society. The truth is tha she should be made to go through the compulsory assessment . I doubt she did after being a mentally deranged housewife for more than 6 yrs..

What?!

A female said this?...

I rest my case

obayaya: Pickabeau wasn't the author of that article!!!

And If you read all of the article you will see how off point your submission is!!!

Pheww.. thanks

Guidette.. read the whole article not snippets

Mondisweets .. you read the whole article and believe 90 percent is a criticism of chimanda

softsparkyy: The truth is you will never know until their wives open up and tell you what's the koko in their marriage.

You see the lazy men looking happy, plump and chubby, thanks to their wives that clothes,feed and shelter them .

To make matters worst the man's family will be accusing the wife of enjoying their son's money alone.

I am talking of a wide range of people that includes people senior to me and junior to me
I know them very well.. however you may have a point

cococandy: Families where the man is the sole breadwinner as in wife is full time housewife may not be up to 20percent.
The rest of the 80percent, the man isn't the sole bread winner with a greater percentage having the wives as the bread winners.
Maybe you should try an anonymous poll.
Find out what people you don't know have to say about their fathers.
Sad thing is some have jobs so money isn't the problem.
But I'd rather not bring another angle to this thread sha.

You are mixing two unrelated statements
Whther the woman is outearning the husband is not the same thing as a man who does not want to provide
I have friends who outearn their husbands but the man is not a sit at home husban waiting for his wife to buy things for him

Your initial statement was 80 percent of households you know of have their non-breadwinner husbands feeding off their wives
Was that the initial statement

Correct post.. crackhaus


The same copy copy mentality that has turned some of our women into bleached mannequins though we are somehow responsible too

cococandy: Make that 80percent.
I don't want to go into details

Where are these people popping from

I know of no single family (from 5 years marriage to 20+) that the man isnot a breadwinner
Where do all these families whose men dont work come from

bankers, lawyers, trader, they are doing something

Whats the basis for 75 or 80 percent

Amhappy: as fair treatment is what humans should fight for not equality.

I agree with this

Among our female posters

male as head of the family = abuse

Now i am building castles in the sky

Ok.. your opinion

If you are ready to discuss further.,.. call me

If not.. lets agree to disagree

Im having a productive discussion with others more inclined to discourse

@Kay17

Are u an igbo woman to come here and say they have no rights as a person
I know of assertive women here of igbo extraction who articulate their points

Painting a whole tribe to achieve a point...hmmm

I wonder why this seems to be strange to some

OP dont let anyone shame you

A lot of marriages are dying due to sexxual frustration

The mindset of wife as matron an ho as ho is not new
Let him understand lovingly that u have needs and u will like to be more satisfied in that regard

naijababe nice pointers

Be patient and I believe you will get to a mutually agreed point

People dey find your type wife and this guy dey do anyhow

Dude or Dudette

What i hear u say is the insults is what differentiates a radical feminist from radical one and you used a post from a poster as an example
Whati if i bring out posts where she has insulted people.. she suddenly becomes radical// thats weak men

I expected something along the lines of ideological differences not something which is a personality issue

Insulting or using cuss words should not be an ideological characteristic but a personal one

MrAnony1: Wow! You asked me the difference between a radical feminist and a regular feminist and I explained to you that one demonizes men while the other doesn't. I wonder what else you expect a difference to look like.


You will recognize the radical feminist as the feminist who demonizes men. The other feminist who doesn't demonize men is NOT a radical feminist. Can I spell it out for you any better?


I don't understand this question or how it is relevant to the distinction I put forward.

Has it now been made clear enough to you? Do you still disagree with the distinction, and if so, why?


Edit: Here is what a regular feminist sounds like:

https://www.nairaland.com/1835324/adichies-feminism-vacuums-fallacies-gonzaga/6#25124459

A radical feminist is more likely to say something along the lines of "men are pigs" . . . .or something subtler that still demonizes men: something like "teach your sons not to r[color=#000000]ap[/color]e" (assuming that men are r[color=#000000]apis[/color]ts by default)

If you can't understand what I'm saying by now, then I cannot help you at all.

MrAnony1: The types of feminists you listed aren't in the same category we are discussing.

I have already answered your question here: https://www.nairaland.com/1835324/adichies-feminism-vacuums-fallacies-gonzaga/2#25110073

If you disagree, you are welcome to explain why you think that such a distinction either doesn't exist or is irrelevant.

Bro.....you have not answered it
Rather just said a radical feminist demonizes men

How do I recognise a regular feminist or a radical one

Do they not use the same language...

EnlightenedSoul: You don't like my approach.

Maybe this dude is being wishy-washy about the whole thing, who knows.

Going off a random experience, some men will actually tell you, straight up, that they will buy you a car/whatever in exchange for ownership of you. Wackiest conversation I ever had.

Now this is the real world

Was it similar setup...married etc

EnlightenedSoul: Confusion is blinding factor here. She'll know what's up. No cons.

Lol

EnlightenedSoul: Actually, The OP keeps highlighting her confusion, that she "doesn't know what he wants". That she might have taken it in good faith and is being encouraged by friends to, but is being held back by her knowledge "buh there is a price tag on every gift"

SO...

Let her accept the gift literally. His expectations will be made clear to her almost right away. The outcome = knowing exactly what he wants, and having no reason to claim confusion on her part. It sorts the confusion for her. Him, not so much.

ok... this i agree with if it was an ideal world where guys gifted cars out of the benevolence of their heart
she knows wat he wants... its just her conscience,,,,...

carefreewannabe: Without feminism we would not have education and enlightenment of females.
Slut-bashing and the celebration of "bad boys" is unfair and unjust.

Well.. i agree in the sense of the western context
Traditionally african women have always had a seat at the table
History abounds with examples.. there are many threads here on that

However female education is a given (bar the North) which has cultural issues.. so i dont expectthat to be an item anymore

Another reason why feminism is needed.

Explain how it is needed. I said traditionally men were providers, nowadays women are working and earning as men
What is the need again

Cool.

But it seems to be common sense that men are polygamous by nature and therefore cannot control themselves and so the wife has to forgive, pray and fast. This is Nigeria for women. Tell something like this a woman in a developed country and she will laugh and then slap you

Why not protect polyandry and polygyny?

Pray and fast?

The holy books allow for women to leave an adulterous man
There are laws to provide for settlements even in naija
So whats the issue

Polyandry can be enshrined in the constitution however you will see no(ok let me say less than 1 percent) man delve into it
no man wants to raise another mans bastard

If it will make u ladies free the guys from the polygamy rant, lets make it enshrined in our law
Will men accede to it is another Q




Kay17..assume i dont know... answer what are d issues

EnlightenedSoul: The BF obviously...based on the posts.

hmm.. i sense some vibes,,.. but let me leave it...
let me go back to your post

back to the confusion.. the op knows its not just gift hence her dilemma
She is in a relationship that may be going nowhere, an ex is ready to commit to her materially albeit.. periodically and hemay really have a bad marriage

Pros/Cons.. what do i do...

how does accepting the gift knowing the married ex wants more help her sort the confusion