₦airaland Forum

Famouspecky: single means unattached, Buh I have a boyfriend, i wouldn't give him a special name now

i know.. so what has d american guy told u ....

are u aware he wants u as a mistress

Famouspecky: Buh I really need a car. my friends keep telling me to accept it Buh I think there's a price tag on every gift.
he is married with a kid,[size=18pt] an am single with a boyfriend though.[/size]
am so so confused, he already told me he loves me Buh he is married, if I accept his gift I already will put myself in Buh if I reject, I don't know what will happen.
In sincerity I need a car.

How can one be single with a boyfriend..whats the term for someone courting these days..

engaged/its complicated/etc etc

let me call the family crew for this matter.. let me go to the mat

cococandy,alutacontinua -ta,MizMyColi,

cococandy: That's why I keep saying married people should be held to the same standards.
We are reaping the direct results of unbridled patriachy.

Even a good system can be abused when one party is left thinking that they can do as they wish.

Can i ask what do you mean by unbridled patriarchy and is that is the reason men have concubines?

What do you mean when you say married people should have the same standards

OkikiOluwa1: Look, I know your type.
You only believe what you choose to believe.
A father that's very busy is different from an irresponsible one. A busy father still make up time for his kids. Busy is not about going out from morning till night without doing something legal.
Last Bullet
@ the bolded part of your post, it happens very well.
I v seen parents that ll tell their daughters to find their way. Through prostitution, fraud etc. I v seen a father that ll not tell his that cybercrime is wrong. The list goes on.

i have seen ur post but you did not respond to him
He specifically asked about fathers who have two families and can support them

Note also the thread has delved into male bashing...

fellis: Country is enough? Lol both country and state is necessary. It was in Edo state.

ok...thats really sad

the road is long...

While i get your point, it is only an unwise man who will birth children without setting out a means of providing for them

the good book says.. cast your bread on the waters, you will see after many days

You dont know which child will prosper.. why have kids anyhow

Ephemmm: One thing that always comes to my mind is that our fore-fathers are more sensible than most of us that we call ourselves elite. For instance, my patternal grandpa married 18 wives, and 48 children, but he used them to facilitate his business ventures - farming.

He had huge farmland and he has no choice than to use his numerous children and wives for harvesting whenever the needs arise. And none of them can never complain of hunger or lack of care in the sense that there will always be enough and much was not spent on educational activities as at then.

See what is happening in Naija now: unless those in the villages, it is glaring that 75% of your salary if not more than that are being spent on your children's upkeep - education, health, food, clothes, books, etc and we keep breeding like a pig despite the fact that this children contribute little or no source of income to us unlike our forefathers and the subsequent effect of this action is what we are experiencing today in our society. Go to big cities and northern part of this country and you will understand what I mean.

My advise for youth of nowadays is that we must not bite more than what we can chew in consideration of the economic situation of this country. Afterall, a good farmers should always be proud of the quality of his products and not the quantity

Irresponsible fathers! The cause of tremendous increase in population in northern part of Nigeria.

You did not respond to this post from nobleval

Nobleval: Well...I don't know what to say. Most fathers can be seen as irresponsible. Now looking at it from the Op perspective...your article is talking about poor Dads who spend the little they earn on concubines and their bastards...you see them as irresponsible because their wives are 'housewives' thereby leaving the legitimate kids at the mercy of fate.


Hmmm lets see...what will you call the rich Dads that take care of their family...and on the other hand has a second "family"? Responsible?...if yes..because they have money? {thereby giving them the right to reap where they sowed in the future?} being responsible is not about having MONEY to cater for the family {all hands are not equal} which the Op seems to be hitting on.
There are other ways a father can be a responsible personality to his family.....

OkikiOluwa1: What you are talking about happens mostly in the west.
I v read some of your posts on this thread. They are lamentations about what women also do.
But my thread is about Nigeria. What I wrote happens alot in the western part of Nigeria.

This is a balanced post

bigheart2013: So on point. The trend is worrisome dear. But everyone has a hand in the mess not just irresponsible fathers.

- irresponsible girls who dated married men and caused grief to wives but they eventually marry and expect to have happy marriages forgetting there is karma. - Chai, there's God o!

- irresponsible woman who marry men because of money and not love, then the marriage becomes a theater of war because of lack of love - Chai there's God o!

- Irresponsible girls who abandon men who labored and trained them for years and married a man from oversea just to travel out - chai, there's God o!

- Irresponsible in-laws who help scatter their children's marriage because of greed - chai, there's God o!


- Some irresponsible wives who divorce their struggling husbands abroad in order get child support and wire money to Nigeria to build houses - chai, there's God o!

- and that irresponsible he-goat, man who dates his secretary, students, neighbor's daughters and keep mistresses everywhere- chai, there's God oo!

- that irresponsible pastor who sees fake visions for single girls telling them they have 'spiritual husbands' but yet sleeps with girls in his church - chai, there's is God o. No, in fact there's ifa, orunmila, sango, shopona, ela, amadioha,

interesting......

these girls.... smh... they just wanna be kept

meanwhile this thread is going to the dogs already

male hating has started... this is about fathers who abandon their families but it has to degenerate into a gender war

Nairaland

ayobase: now that everybody wanna be baby mamas.

"I just need a rich man married or not married who can give me a house, a car, and a kid while he comes to visit once in a month"

thats what some of my female friends talk o.

they plenty for abuja......those estates for abuja.........CITEC.

fellis: Tell me about it. I worked in a health institution last year where women were always coming in for treatment after their husbands beat them up. With their black eyes and all. Sometimes the men brought the same wives they assaulted to the hospital. When the doctor asks the wife what happens to her he quickly speaks up and tells a lie to prevent her from saying what actually happened. One woman had a huge black eye from blunt force trauma to her face which was very obviously gooten from a blow or punch and her husband told the doctor that one of the kids threw a spoon at her face while they were eating, that's how she got a black eye ..........but seriously though. It's nothing to laugh about. This is a very big problem in our society today

Where was this health institution.. Country is enough

who is watching the naija lady in wrestlin

oborodudu

that chick is strong mehnnnnnn


even the camerounianian chick

metala ebanga,,,, damn,... but she is prettier than d oborodudu

baralatie: mounting problems is not a good idea in marriage!

Righto!...

His name is Oluchukwu Aloysius-Gonzaga Nwikwu (https://www.facebook.com/oluchukwualoysiusgonzaganwikwu)

yuzedo: SWEET GOD OF ALL THINGS LEGIT!!!

This article hit all 12-corners of my triangular heart!! I meannnn!!!! Gaddemm!!!


I was at a Commemorative Lecture in 2013 with my former-almost girlfriend, the beautiful MOD brethreness *******, and (un)fortunately, Mrs. Miss Adichie was the guest of honor/chief speaker in a hall full of distinguished statesmen. My embarrassment knew no bounds when Madam was showered ALL the goddam adulation and effervescent worship for the 2hr duration of the lecture, by all including the celebrant, to the complete detriment of the one whom we were there to celebrate.

Was madam abashed by all the fawning? He'll no. She exploited the moment to the full, launching into yet another monotone on everything and nothing, and in utter confusion, I was forced to ask my date WHOM I HAD INVITED, is this why we are here?

My honest albeit un-sought and perhaps irrelevant opinion of Madam Adichie is that she is a tad overrated and tremendously immodest. She enjoys the worship, but has not reached a stage where she can be humble and gracious about it, quite unlike the true masters (Achebe & Kongi). Luckily in this generation, very much different from theirs, it is unlikely to affect her trajectory of progress and recognition, simply because attention (deserved or not) is the currency we deal in today. (ask the talentless Kardashians if you doubt my words)

I hope she continues (for the sake of literature) to deliver on her works, a quality to equal or surpass Half of a Yellow Sun (her tour de force in my opinion).. Prior and Subsequent efforts have not measured up, but I refuse to blame that on her loquacious and uber-skewered opinions nobody asked her about.

On a final note, pray, who or what wrote this article?? An 11/10 score does zero justice to literature so complete in logic, facts, presentation, validity and balance.

...... I bet a man wrote it. Women aren't this talented. :-P

- Yuzedo is a part-time Pörn Collector & full-time fine boy, and writes from Banana Iceland, Ikoyi.

TV01: In the West these days, one has to be “onside” of the prevailing ideology of the day. Otherwise the establishment rejects you. The establishment being that power working through the elites in politics, media, business, entertainment and the like, who, unseen too many, are working towards a common goal. I won’t speculate here on just what that goal might be.

Being offside or resisting enforcement of the prevailing tenetss or ideologies (read some elements of feminism and it’s twin homosexual equality) will get you brow beaten. If you do not toe the line, you will be “mob bullied” – by the attack dogs of the same establishment – shamed into silence, and effectively shut-out or ostracised.


It’s similar to – and somewhat exposed by - her later utterances on homosexuality, which were in lock-step with the US’ threats to Nigeria over – at the time – proposed legislation. New style imperialism – with the same ends.

Adichies utterances are just another method by which the establishment operates.. This was propaganda. She’s been bought and what we see is her selling out. I thought the OP was a bit off in how it was presented regardless of any valid points made. I actually think the rejoinder was poor overall.

But the speech itself was merely a string of anecdotes, aimed at painting the situation in Nigeria in the worst light possible. Where were the stats, the numbers or the evidence? Only an implied negative comparision to the West and Feminism as the solution.

Apart from the West “harvesting” her when she was all but ripe, did she not come up through the Nigerian system? Is she not a product of Nigerian parents, education and culture?

For every evil identified by “feminism” in Nigeria, I could identify one caused by feminism or other aspects of the prevailing culture in the West. And at an anecdotal level, Damiso has countered a lot of what Adichie claimed.

Do we have structural problems? Yes. Is feminism the answer? No. Are there things we could glean or even incorporate from the West culturally? Sure. Do we need to toss out what we have wholesale as useless, redundant and without value? Absolutely not.

Yes, we have some entrenched mindsets, attitudes and mores which we will be best rid of. We are in fact already shot of many of these, what we are seeing in some instances is vestigial remains. With time we will see further improvement, even if we do nothing else

Nigeria is progressing in some regards. Let’s remember, that the effect of any changes take time to trickle through. And some of the ones being pushed by Adichie and her Western sponsors are simply not beneficial and not wanted here. The fact that she needs to denigrate her culture to sell them speaks volumes.


TV

The bolded is d major issue I have with her
Her need to comment on anything and everything especially with no factual basis

As you rightly noted, damiso made some poignant comments and you can see the depth of her knowlege of the matter being reflected
For the bandwagoners.. i rest my case

When a new white driven ideology, our ladies will always fall in...

gillz: . It goes beYond dat, she discusses issues wit her sister even b4 she does wit me. And wen me opinion is different frm their she'd want me to tiltt towards what she already agreed wit dem. Sometimes I wil discuss sometin wit her in private only for me to hear her sistyers discussing same issue on phone wit friends.my wife is nt wasteful bt d sisters are, dey cld boil water for bathing for one hour while watching movie or gisting. My wife seems to b scared oif offending dem by scolding dem, she'd rather offend me. Sometimes she wil abandon our bedrm for theirs until I sleep off and even sometimes sleep in their room

if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out

Very good points... good to see a debate rooted in fact rather than fact

I did not write the article and I also initially thought the writer was female.. this in itself raises a very pertinent question which raises it head globally on gender issues

Must i be female to understand female issues.

Second/third point
On class that i cannot discuss on as the author may know more of Adichie personally

On making a reference to her lack of father figure or partner.. i wouldnt know also

Fourth point

Now you are attacking the writer doing the same thing you accused him of calling him a fraud

Is she entitiled to get people to perform chivalric acts as chivalry is unnecessary in an equal society
In a truly equal society male and female are equal and gender roles are nonexistent
So no chilvalric acts - i notice you did not comment there


You also did not make references to statements she has made on achebe and her seeming pandering to the West

mcino: A few observed points, though.
1. The op is a tactful hater of Adichie and intelligently gave the impression that the writer is a woman, so as to make the article more acceptable. This was not detected early enough, and he was able to run away with it and its attendant effect on the whole discourse. Oluchukwu Aloysius-Gonzaga Nwikwu is male and google (https://www.facebook.com/oluchukwualoysiusgonzaganwikwu) would have solved this, but the op chose to ride on people's ignorance to achieve a hate goal
2. The writer is a hater, otherwise remarks like "Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s ‘feminist’ views, as well as towards her [b]tasteless style of performance", especially the bolded wouldn't have been necessary. There are lots of such remarks, like "Unquestionably, Adichie has been everywhere with her opinions in recent years—ill-conceived as they are doomed to be—plus ever-willing to present them in manners that confirm a thorough lack of tact and class" and "Yes indeed, it’s OK to have strong opinions, but nothing confirms Adichie’s lack of a full integration into her American society—despite having spent many years there—than her consistently unashamed display of words betraying a lack of class.", which depicts a loser, who tries every inch to find a mate in pulling others to his un-existent world. His definition and understanding of class is sour and ill-driven.
3. He is petty, and that is why he made such a statement, "And so I’ll go ahead to remark that according to my Igbo culture, when a woman goes about town or country acting out of control and spewing sheer arrogance as has been the case with Adichie the writer, sensible adults tend to point fingers of blame at one ultimate culprit—a vacuum—and it specifically has to do with the absence of a real man in the woman’s life, either as a strong father figure, or as a strong and influential brother or partner. One could say ‘husband’ instead of ‘partner’ if they will. (And I add that this fourth is also the final vacuum.)". For Christ's sake, anybody that is trying, without bias to counter somebody's argument wouldn't go this far in attacking her person. This is petty and lacks the'class' that the writer touted, a handful times in this article.
4. The writer is an intellectual fraud. He tried to make the audience (and Nairaland audience actually fell for it) feel that Adichie was referring to the men, when he quoted Adichie to have in this; "Her reason was that as she struggled with multiple bags in a hotel elevator, citizens stood by and watched who could have helped or simply offered to assist her. Such a thing wouldn’t have happened in her beloved Nigeria, she said". His background information on this quote did not indicate in any way that Adichie was referring to men not helping him. Adichie could well be referring to the unfriendliness of the swedish. It doesn't matter whether it is a man or a woman. Anybody who is suffering under some luggage up a staircase, would expect the people, standing by to offer a hand of help, whether they are men or women, and when that doesn't come, the natural thing is think that such people are unfriendly. Why would the writer try to, dishonestly make us believe that Adichie was referring to male citizens, watching her struggling with her bags up an elevator?

Personally, i don't subscribe to feminism in any form and do not see any need to advance such radicalism, but if the speech you are referring to is the one here, htt://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc, then you obviously and consciously misrepresented the lady, who in most of your submissions, you never liked a bit. In that speech, I could discern that Adichie is just like William Wilberforce, who once said, "If to be feelingly alive to the sufferings of my fellow-creatures is to be a fanatic, I am one of the most incurable fanatics ever been in existence at large". She described how she came to be known as a feminist and how she has modified it to be an African Happy Feminist, which means that she understands the implication and the perception accompanying feminists and wouldn't wish to be one. However, I understand that she has a very strong feeling, which when she wants to communicate would be understood as being feminism and has no choice but to sweat under that cloak, even when it is not her intention.

Finally, Adichie is a diamond that has no hiding place. I understand that she is always sought out to come and deliver lectures and speeches, not because she so much craves for it, but because people always desire to hear from the people they feel have proved to be exceptional. She has a strong feeling and an opinion that she lets out, whenever she is sought out to speak and as it is said, she is entitled to it. Much as she is an influence, it behoves on all her critics to try and be like her (a star), so that when they are selected among the crowd to speak, they would equally share their own opinions. May be, people would buy theirs, and drop that of Adichie. Anything outside this will be the kind of ranting by Ebeneezer Williams, when Nnamdi Azikiwe was soliciting for fund to build the great University of Nigeria Nsukka. He mocked the idea of BSc Nsukka, etc, but today history has placed Ebeneezer Williams and Dr Nnamdi Azikiwe where they belong. While the former remained, till date a nobody, the latter is revered as Zik of Africa.

hayorbaami: I modified my post but you already quoted me. Why do you think she found her feet only because she is connected? She is neither physically nor mentally challenged. She has her certificates and With or without patience she could have done something good for herself in another line(business, corporate or whatwhat).

Btw,what do you mean by you wish a normal woman was used. The thread is about an update on mrs clara a victim of abuse.

OK..

If you believe the impact of Mrs Jonathan in this matter is immaterial..no problem

hayorbaami: Not many people do and I think that is why stories like this should be shared to motivate the few ones at the verge of leaving to take that bold step without having a last thought.

Fair point

I wish though a normal woman was used

Mrs chime is connected

hayorbaami: Actually the message is "NOTHING should stop you from leaving an abusive relationship..." There are rehabilitation institutions for victims of abuse, don't act naïve on this. But of what use are these centres if victims of abuse are not ready to leave because of money, stigma or fear of being without a man, shame, etc?

First lady could have chosen to remain in the abusive relationship because of the position, fame, wealth and avoidance of stigma , but she spoke out and that is why she got the needed help. Only a victim can set herself free when she wants to, no one else can. And help can only come when you genuinely seek for it.

@ topic, this is the first time I'm reading this version of her story though. I have always read that she was the reason the first wife left and she knew who she was getting herself involved with, a philandering picanto-sharing man. Whatever the story is, I'm glad she's set herself free and has moved on. That's the most important thing. I assume she'll get the custodian of her son sooner too.

That's ideal.....lets be real

If dame patience or whoever the benefactor is did not help her with a job..where will she be

How many people step out of a situation they are used to

Recidivism occurs when there is nothing to live for

Have u heard of Stockholm syndrome

MrAnony1: Actually I have pointed out the difference.

I thought you were going to open a new thread for us to discuss further.

Let's discuss here

What's the definitions of a feminist and what is the difference between these two mind you

There are so many categories

Christian feminist
Pro-life feminist
Radical feminist
Islamic feminist


So many..just discuss on those two for now

Padipadi: Some of those kids are helpless & didn't v the opportunity for breakthrough. Why, because that's the norms of their family. Their grandfather, greatgrandfather were also irresponsible to their grandmother & greatgrandmother. Their family is myopic within the bad behaviour. They don't see what's bad in it to be just irresponsible to their wife & kids. They believe it's a normal thing. You ll see such family filled with never do well people.
It looks like am exaggerating, but it's real.

It does to me...seriously

No wonder there is so much anger in these boards

If you don't use your money to ensure your kids get out of poverty how will they break out

Padipadi: Yeah. It's so bad. Their kids don't enjoy life. Many end up like their father

A lot dont.. they stay away from that way of life

Exactly... old school men not nowadays

CaptainBomb: My Ex Boss father is a very good Example. Father of the owner of Canadah Foods Restaurant Ebute meta.

ihedinobi2: I see. Then the demarcation between regular feminism and radical feminism is sensible. It's gotten harder to tell with the war of words.

He hasnt made the difference

Someone can say there is no difference

Padipadi: my dear, it's real in Nigeria.
These kinds of fathers makes up to 60% of dads in my area.
So many broken family, single mothers, futureless children.

damn..this is bad...

gillz

What exactly are the sisters doing ... living in the house

ihedinobi2: The more interesting question is how many businesses can AFFORD to do that? You pay women to stay away from work and pay another person to do the work they should ordinarily have been doing. If business should produce profits, how do you manage that in difficult terrains like Nigeria and any other place where funds are not readily available for business?

those climes, the cost is subsidised by the govt

YOur q goes back to the issue:Its not a woman problem but rather a human one

Can a woman who has no source of income aside her hubby afford to leave an abusive marriage or tell him to use contraception to avoid more kids

Can a woman who has no state support (benefits etc) afford to leave her job which pays the bills.. the kids are abandoned to do whatever

Sorry.. the writer is male.. i was corrected

I believe some of our feminists dont really understand what the issues are and its funny an erudite woman like adichie too is guilty of this

I did not see the hate though i expected a logical critique of his points so as to have an enriching discourse.. sadly or as expected none of the sort has occured aside well thought out posts from damiso who studied feminism and has been making balanced comments

A lot of the online army just got wind of these ideology and are now more indoctrinated than the whites themselves.

Your points on chivalry are very funny

joomiegirl: An EXCELLENT article. BRAVO!

Yes, apparently she's not Adichie's biggest fan, but the article was in NO WAY hate-filled, contrary to what the self-proclaimed (abi na self acclaimed) feminists think!!
AND the writer is a woman, and is in a fantastic position to write such, given her reality, as she put it.

Sometimes I wish people would read stuff with an open mind.

Adichie should "park well" abeg. She's a talented writer and we are proud of her, but you cannot eat your cake and have it...you want to be a die-hard feminist and u dey whine say dem no help you carry ya bag...are you kidding me.
A femimist expecting/demanding chivalry?
She clearly does not understand the full implications of the ideals and tenets of feminism..which is why this A.Gonzago lady took time out to (hopefully) educate her.

Feminism...taaahh!!



GBAM!! God bless you for this post...absolutely spot on! My sentiments exactly.

Strange.. I have never come across these kind of fathers

I heard of them but that was when i was growing up years ago... vestiges of pre- and post- colonial days

My bad


No wonder they called him a hater.. cos he critiqued chimanda

coogar: the writer couldn't have been a woman. no nigerian woman would go to such an extent to rip down the mask of hypocrisy most nigerian women wear.

besides.....take a look at this excerpt.


you still think any nigerian woman would write that about herself?

aisha2: Anyway, I am happy for her and wont be drawn into any back and forth on this. It is not everything one must seek to down on jare.

I am not seeking to down anything. there is no back and forth

Read what i said

She is an exception because this job was arranged by Dame Jonathan. How many people have that kind of access

The message should be that we need to instititionalise rehabilitation for victims of domestic abuse so that it is not only those who are connected who can recover


Everything on NL does not have to be adversarial.Quoting your post does not mean i am downing on it..

Kalas (whatever it means)

MrAnony1: Ok please open a new thread. The other link is already overused in my opinion

wow.... that thread is a very interesting one tha rehashes a lot of the points...history, cause, angles

Creating a new one may be counterproductive, lets use it