₦airaland Forum

ihedinobi2: Woman? Are you sure? His name is Oluchukwu Aloysius-Gonzaga. I don't remember his last name well now. It's a Nw-something.

Strange.. the writer felt like a woman to me

No how.. the article is very exhaustive unfortunately a lot of posters are pleading hate to escape reading it

Raised some interesting points

gillz: Do I hav to dialogue with my wife on what food I hav to eat and hw I want it prepared, do I hav to dialogue wit how on when and hw her sisters shld put my 2 yre boy to sleep? Or do I hav to dialogue wit her on cleanliness and orderliness in d house?

calm down and dont react to all the posts you see
Be calm and answer as you have

Is this the kind of issues you have been having with her

Because i see here issues with meals, child care and cleanliness

Is that it

aisha2: I think she is a lawyer and as she said she was working with PTDF when they met so I guess she is qualified.

While i appreciate the sentiments on her rehabilitiation out of an abusive relationship, i believe a proper framework and support structure for victims of domestic abuse will be more beneficial as she is a former first lady and not a typical abuse victim

This job may even be arranged by her estranged husband.

If Nigeria, we all know there are more to things than we see

gillz: Bennyrazz tnx so much, I dnt know hw to quote. We are of different trIbes, I met her after her secondary school and saw here through school 80 percentage, she is nt heavy spender, dated for 11 years b4 marriage, she is d first child and only married child, I'm second to d last, only male and only married in my family , she has both sisters n brothers. As usual nt every of my sisters liked her bt dey eventually agreed to our marriage, her mum opposed us to d very last minute. She sure hv friends bt she spends less tym wit dem cos she is a banker n she luvs foreign movies n books. I don't give her orders bt instructions as to how tins ought to b esp house keeping n cleanliness

Can you illustrate on the kind of things you tell her to do, which one she complies with and which ones she is countering

According to the source, the job was arranged for former Enugu State First Lady through the intervention of Mrs. Patience Jonathan.

The source told our correspondent that the Mrs. Chime was offered accommodation and a car as part of the conditions of service in her new job.

When The Rainbow contacted NAFDAC’s Deputy Director, Public Relations, at the agency, Mr. Abubakar Jimoh, he picked the call and dropped.

The text message sent to his phone was no responded to, but THE  RAINBOW confirmed the development from a NAFDAC source who would not be named because he was not authorized to speak for the agency.

Good for her.. i hope she is qualified for the post she is holding

Orikinla: All club girls are prosti-tutes

Lest we forget, it is difficult these days to tell a decent girl or woman from a pro, because they all share similar characteristics in behaviour and lifestyles.

Two contradictory statements in the same post.
Ths bloggers are on some weed

zboyd: Why are you asking me a question you already know the answer to?

Aren't you posting on the thread?

smh

I assumed you were a fan of discourse
You can always decline a debate as against attacking my person

I asked you.. if you claim not be a feminist, what is the motive of your original post
if you dont want to answer, simply say so...

zboyd: Because there are usually two sides to every issue - For and Against - Pro and Con.

Why not explore both?

Which sides are you referring to now... I dont see things in black and white
Its not we vs them

MizMyColi: I see this pineapple I ate is obstructing proper comprehension of English for me this morning please, bring it down to my level.

So you are also a MizSweetie...

There is a place for instructions especially if one spouse is consistently stubborn and is engaging in counter productive acts
It should be minimised only for crises situations

cococandy: I didn't live in biblical times. But it is obvious that since flogging was a punishment for condemned criminals amd slaves,it can't be the same 'rod' that god was talking about when he said 'spared not the rod'

......

You are so funny

MizMyColi: *spreads mat* I'll just sit here and wait for the experts to come around

Learning never stops.

Tags:pickabeau1 ifyangela

joins on the mat...

gillz....Answer bennyrazz questions
while money situation is the easiest thing popping ou, there may b more to this matter

Putting feet down or Mandates or Instructions while sounding 'militaristic' have a place as there are times that one may need to take drastic action if the party is consistently recalcitrant and is not interested in the welfare of the family corporately however this should be at a minimum as compatibility of ideas and values is optimal and should be encouraged

Lets hear more.

MrAnony1: For example, in Saudi Arabia women don't have the right to drive cars but men do. Whoever makes or enforces such a law is an oppressor.

Now before we move any further, I must ask: did my answer differentiating between radical and regular feminists satisfy you? If not, what don't you agree with about the difference between regular and radical feminism?

Saudi..hmm

Not it did not as I believe what you term regular are the offshoots of a modern strain of feminism so as to be perceived as accomodating

This thread is not the best place for this

Lets open a new thread or continue here https://www.nairaland.com/1254189/feminism-why-women-general-especially

cococandy: You're 'incorrigible'.

Enjoy having the last word

im not enjoying anything.. you also are incorrigible which mind you is a proper word.
I wonder why you put it in quotes again...

zboyd: Twisted men twist Scripture, and hide behind Scripture to do their evil deeds, hence the filing of divorce by some wives who no longer subscribe to the concept of submission.

Do you blame them?

Twisting Sciptures does not negate the concept.

cococandy: There you are.
I didn't say any system was better.

I only pointed out the flaws in ours.

I don't have the link to that thread. As coogar.

No madam.. you pointed out the flaws using an extreme example of abuse
Anyway for someone who believes in one touch or none(any spanking is abuse).. then the extreme is normal to you

As i said, spanking still happens in your beloved western world and i dont see u accuse them of being abusive

OK.. Its interesting you highlight the word.. oppressors

Who are these oppressors..

MrAnony1: Yes I can.

Both regular and radical feminism are characterized by a concern for issues that adversely affect women and trying to help them to overcome these issues: this includes aiding women in societies where women are oppressed to break forth from their oppressors and create a more equal playing feild.
Radical feminism such as is FEMEN for instance goes further to demonize men and argue for positions that go beyond equality and unto a society that oppresses men.


In the same way, a regular MRA would be concerned about men's issues and try to combat problems that adversely affect men: Helping men gain a more equal footing with the females in the society. A radical MRA such as a MGTOW or PUA takes more extreme positions that demonize women (not the feminist ideology) and treat them with malice

Take anything posted online with a pinch of salt

cococandy: I wonder why you're on the defensive.I merely said our high handed system of parenting hasn't made us better than the rest of the world.
So we may need to adjust somethings.
That's all.

I am not being defensive. I just responded to your post on one system being better than another

Which thread have you been referring to all this while.. I am not aware

Beautiful!


I remember a discussion i had long ago with some on this issues
Its an human right and fairness isse and should not be made about a gender

if that lady has good framework and solid support.. she can have good income and take care of her kid.. That benefits the family and the society

A friend in Holland told me about maternal leave

3 months - full pay
next 3 - 90% pay with option of a another six months
Those additional 6 months will be paid at 75% or so

Tell me how many companies here can do that

Also professional firms like Pwc, Accenture are allowing female partners and staff(of some years take furloughs to take care of kids
When they return they will be assimilated at the same position

That means that the sole income in that period will be adequate
How many families here have that privilege

Really big issues

damiso: You are right.Businesses are set up to make up a profit and even in the west the logistics of catering to parental leave just makes doing business a bit harder esp for small businesses who might not have the resources to cushion the loss of a temporary loss of an essential human resource.

My mum has shops in Balgun market and her team leader(that's the name I hugs be her longest serving shop girl ) is such a vital part of how the business runs.This girl held the forte while my mum left the business to come help for 3 months when I had my baby.Very trustworthy and lovely girl and my mum relies on her heavily.She is pregnant and due in a couple of weeks and I had to tell my mum off that 8 weeks was too small and she should extend to 12 weeks after all this years.She said its easy for me to say as I don they think like oyinbo but the reality is she has to pay her and also get another shop girl that she would have to second to another shop when she gets back despite that shop other shop not necessarily needing another staff,that's extra overhead but it will be cruel to let her go after 3 months.I told why not look for a temp who is probably looking for admission and she said haa those ones who are looking for admission are too big for shopgirl o has shopgirl ke how can shopgirl pay for Brazilian hair she said oti ronu bi britico(I am thinking like a Brit).So yeah as much as I say Nigeria needs some legislation regarding labour laws for parents it boils down to affordability.


I studied a module on Equality and Diversity and really we have a looong way to go.Even Britain that has equality and diversity act still had aloooot to do.Disabled people nko?Tribalism?social and economic inequalities?How many well off Nigerians actually believe that their drivers and houseboys are the same as them or that their children should have equal or almost same opportunities in life? This equality issue is a multifaceted one in our society and gender equality is just one layer.

MrAnony1: Lololol fairplay to you....careful you don't tip over the edge though....the step from regular MRA to radical MRA (a.k.a MGTOW/PUA) is not very far. It's kinda like the step from regular feminism to radical feminism to FEMEN.

It's easy to lose your balance when you radically buy into an ideology.

Can you tell us the difference btw regular and radical feminism

Godmystrength: Whatever. Which one is my own there. Anyway since i don't plan to be a cheat just to prove a point, there is nothing for me to gain here. Make i park to one side.

...


God is not mocked... He knows those who are His

I am not a wizard so i will only read what you have posted

I agree that each system has its merits.. its not bias as you did not jighlight any positive of the naija system whichis not the original post

I was not abused, other posters have said they were not abused.. where you abused?

Do you want me to bring up posts of people abused in the US or UK and use that as th benchmark for these countries

Why focus on extremes when the norm is way better
There are some issues with our system and improvement is needed but calling our system crap is unwholesome

I dont believe in strictness and harshness
You may need to explore further and read up about white sothern christians in the US who also use capital punishment
Guess they are nigerian too..


I will have given u some links but i am not sure you will read them

cococandy: Like I said each system has it's merits.
Unless you're reading with bias,it means there's something good about each side.
We think they are too liberal so we push with all our might to control our kids
They think we are too controlling so they let the kids have their say in all decisions even the ones they are too young to make.
Meaning that each side needs to work on their system.
It is clear in my post.

How could you have missed that?

And for all our strictness and harshness,
We are definitely not better than others white or red or whatever color they come in.
If that to you means they are better than us,na you sabi. I don't believe they are.
I just believe we need to balance our systems.

remsonik: I hate reading hate post, obviously the writer of this article hates chimamanda so much. He can't give a balanced view of feminism in nigeria while staying in finland.

The article is written by a woman

Modified: It seems its a man

You are free to make assumptions.. you could have also asked..

Liberty? I dont think the first definition is wholesome.. the second yes..

Which definition are you referring to

cococandy: There's no debate.
Is liberty a bad thing? Like the OP is saying?
If you say yes,then I've nothing more to say to you.


But I suspect like him you might be thinking liberty is ok for some set of people and bad for others.

What is your index of 'betterness'

Are you talking of intellect, agreeability, IQ, parental involvement

Are you saying Nigerian kids dont think for themselves or some?

Have you interacted personally with foreigners and know first hand about this touted thinking capacity.. a lot of them ive met dont know much about what is really going on about their government...

Are you agreeing that you are lesser than another woman in another country because you happen to be Nigerian?

cococandy: Certainly not Nigerian kids.
Maybe most docile or meek or agreeable(in their childhood) than kids in the west.
But certainly not better.
Too much control over kids affects their IQ development.
Our adults here are not better so one has to question our upbringing from infancy. we see parents here telling their children from childhood what they are to study in the university.
Impressing upon them from infancy that they aren't allowed to think for themselves.


Each system has it's merits like has already been trashed out in the other thread. No need going over them again.

BTW. I believe in punishment. Hitting isn't one I endorse.

Godmystrength: So i won't be wrong to compare the MEN who cheat to FEMALE PROSTITUTES because a prostitute can have sex with different men(customers) every night and it will have no effect on how she feels about her man/husband.

Errmm.. not the same

The prositute is a receptacle collecting from every... ewwww

zboyd: I've already answered that question in an earlier post, along with giving examples of the mixed messages Christian women receive, growing up in the church.

Anyway...short version...

Submission = Male Domination...as in "Woman you must submit to me, because the Bible said so!"

This was and is the teaching pounded into every woman's head, growing up in the church over here, specifically Southern Baptist and Pentecostal churches.

Ok.. this is better.. i saw your long post

So this submission you have defined.. do you think it is the biblical definition of submission or one as modified by men;s traditions

Why would i expect a woman to submit to me to commit evil

Submission can not be divorced from its biblical context within marriage
Anything else is domination

cococandy: And the first definition has 'within limits' in there didn't it?

There's nothing confusing about it.

I saw no limits within the first definition,.. the second one has...
I even requoted it and you are still debating...

cococandy: Exactly.
I'll NEVER hit my kids.
The rod of the bible doesn't literally mean a physical rod. And for all our high handedness,Nigerian kids aren't the best in the world.

So who are the best in the world

cococandy: Meaning you understaood I don't see abandoning ones responsibilities as liberty?
Good.
So help the young OP understand which liberty he's talking about. Because he doesn't seem to know.

You have qualifed your own definition subject to some principles
The first definition has no such

Thats the problem with English

Same word has different contexts

the quality or state of being free: a : the power to do as one pleases b : freedom from physical restraint c : freedom from arbitrary or despotic control d : the positive enjoyment of various social, political, or economic rights and privileges e : the power of choice

chukwuma101: Adichie's brand of feminism is exactly what feminism shouldn't be about. Feminism calls for a level playing ground for both genders and not the unwarranted 'upliftment' of females above the male folk. Females are entitled to everything a man is entitled to in nigeria. The apparent disparity in the distribution of genders socially, politically, academically etc that seems to favour males is a function of the innate complexes of the female gender. A female that intends to succeed must beat down these complexes not the male folk as Adichie supposes. Adichie is very eurocentric, she writes not for Africa, but for Europe. She thinks she is a tour guide laden with the responsibility to explain African "(un)civilisation" to Westerners. She appeals to the West to garner international recognition. She tells them everything is wrong with the way we raise our girls because she knows it will please Western civilisation to hear that. But her views are jaundiced and misleading to those who see Africa through her eyesight. She endorses African women not to take on their husband's surname while in the same breath tells them to eschew artificial hairdo. This highlights her confusion. She is a selective feminist. Adopting the side of the coin that advances her pseudo-intellectual ideology and avoiding the other. But there are always two sides to a coin. She wants to westernise Africans, but she is undecided. She is caught in-between...

Damn... youre good
Unfortunately some of our ladies are just sheep who cant see she is out to make a buck and maybe get a pulitzer