don4real18

You dodged a bullet.

The girl is not very sensible and very selfish (judging solely based on what you have told us about her and the wedding plans).

The lesson for you is not to get mesmerized too much by a lady's appearance to the point that you ignore all the red flags. A girl who can forget you easily because of some distance has never truly loved you in the first place. That was the first red flag.

Klass99:
@ Don4real18,

You just dodged a bullet or should I say a whole firing squad.

I'm glad you are not marrying your ex, not because I am a bad belle person but because I don't like foolish women and your ex was displaying the sort of foolishness I cannot stand.

Oh by the way, I like the way you write liked how you paragraphed and spaced out your work nicely with punctuation marks. I enjoyed reading your story as well. Are you heart broken? Don't be you should be rejoicing and not wallowing o!

Thanks. I'm not as heartbroken as I once was. I'm moving on.

Klass99:


@ The first bold, I concur.

@ Second bold, you know when we were in secondary school we used to say things like ''out of sight is not out of mind'' ''distance makes the heart fonder'' but in reality these things are not true (speaking for myself).

If you haven't formed a bond with someone before distance interrupts a relationship, it can be hard to keep that person in mind or maintain a relationship with them.

And if her love language is quality time, touching, holding, cuddling etc I can see how things will quickly fall apart with distance in-between them. So, on that point I don't really blame her.

You have actually said the same thing using different words. Had she formed a deeper bond / loved him more/truly, she would not have given up so easily. Or ... she would have at least tried to make it work before she would give up.

don4real18:
Some months ago, I was supposed to get married to a lovely lady (Alias-Celia) whom I thought the universe made just for me. I find it unfortunate that this beautiful story was just never meant to be. This write-up is my story.
______________________________________________
Five years ago, while we both stared at the moon sitting in my compound and telling tales of our childhood, I studied her profile. She had a perfect-shaped jaw with rounded edges, full lips, and her ability to smile with so much ease. Her skin glowed against the moonlight, and her aura filled with so much innocence. It was no surprise when I finally popped the question asking her to be my girlfriend.

Four days later, I got a yes as her reply, and it became a beautiful relationship. Our companionship was a show of true love, or so I thought. She taught me to be a better kisser, and I made her be a better lover. We did almost everything together, and when challenges came, we solved them even though she was stubborn; A bit more than me.

Many moons down the line of love and sometimes distrust, she was to relocate to the FCT, the state where her family resides. I knew I was going to miss her, and it wasn't easy letting her go.

We did part ways at the airport, and ever since then, we were always on calls. I did notice later that I did most of the calling, and as time went on as it must, the regular calls became once in a while, and soon, it became longer.

I did play a little with other girls and tried getting into a relationship with others, but it just didn't work out. Perhaps, I wanted the kind of love that they could not give in return. It was no surprise when years later, my calls with Celia became regular and, I didn't mind doing most of the calling.

Soon, I traveled to Abuja, and she didn't seem enthusiastic about seeing me, even though my love clawed at my heart with a renewed burst of energy. This time, I decided that I wouldn't let go. I stayed in FCT for a while, I met her family, and I guess her feelings returned.

I returned to Lagos to continue working, and some months down the line, I was in Abuja again to see the one that I loved. We agreed that she would have to come to Lagos, and some months after I left Abuja, she arrived in the rowdy Lagos.

She met my family, and I popped the question, "will you marry me?" in a romantic atmosphere, and she was so happy that she was going to spend the rest of her life with me.

We made plans until the event of Corona took place, and it greatly affected my business. I became broke, but that didn't stop me from traveling to 3 different states to meet her family members and her pastor in FCT.

We did agree that we were going to have a small wedding, and the day of the introduction came, and I traveled with my family, spent a lot of money on hotel bills, etc. It did go well, and that was when it started.

She reneged on our agreement on the size of the wedding. She told me that she wanted to have her dream wedding although she had no money. I could not bring myself to spend so much on a wedding only to end up eating hand to mouth in my marriage. It became a back and forth argument. Her dad wanted it small, but her siblings wanted it big. My mum did try to advise her, but she felt my mum shouldn't have a say in her wedding being a supposed generation Z.

I did have to look for ways she would be happy without spending too much. Then the counseling issue came, and I was informed to come back to Abuja by her pastor. It was inconvenient, so I told her to recommend virtual counseling because I'm not ready to go and spend a lot staying there. She was mad at my response, saying that it was disrespectful, suggesting such to a supposed man of God, making it disrespectful to God.

I did try to let her know that we could use the money to do something else, but she was adamant. After some time, I did succumb to her demand, but she felt that it should not have led to an argument in the first place and decided to call the wedding off. I tried calming her down and even suggested that we postpone it, but she wouldn't budge with a reason so petty. It hurt at first. It made me lose focus for a while, but I guess I've pretty patched up now hence my decision to share with you all.

God bless us all.

That's just what I was waiting to read from you...

What you need now is just a cold drink... a very cold alcoholic drink.

Op, next time, avoid any lady who can’t decide on anything without consulting, (then as time goes) and making you speak with her pastor, because for such ladies who don’t seem to have minds of their own (nor can make decisions for themselves), whatever pastor says is final!
There’s nothing more irritating than discussing and agreeing on something, then she goes on to discuss them with pastor.

You’re better off without her. Trust me!

As in. Very irritating. Ndi “my pastor said”

Don’t get me started on those ones that call their pastors daddy. I’ll slap you. I don’t want to hear it

mariahAngel:
Op, next time, avoid any lady who can’t decide on anything without consulting, (then as time goes) and making you speak with her pastor, because for such ladies who don’t seem to have minds of their own (nor can make decisions for themselves), whatever pastor says is final!
There’s nothing more irritating than discussing and agreeing on something, then she goes on to discuss them with pastor.

You’re better off without her. Trust me!

cococandy:
As in. Very irritating. Ndi “my pastor said”

Don’t get me started on those ones that call their pastors daddy. I’ll slap you. I don’t want to hear it

Also very annoying. Like I respect you but don’t be all up in my business!

I had a friend who went through a similar situation as the op. At a point, he got so emotionally frustrated, he had to let go of the lady.

mariahAngel:
Op, next time, avoid any lady who can’t decide on anything without consulting, (then as time goes) and making you speak with her pastor, because for such ladies who don’t seem to have minds of their own (nor can make decisions for themselves), whatever pastor says is final!
There’s nothing more irritating than discussing and agreeing on something, then she goes on to discuss them with pastor.

You’re better off without her. Trust me!

Thanks. I appreciate the advice.

I'm always wary of well written posts on Nairaland. This one in particular is really suspish. Make one Hints writer no use me catch cruise

Ishilove:
I'm always wary of well written posts on Nairaland. This one in particular is really supish. Make one Hints writer no use me catch cruise

Many threads are unrealistic but never mind.

Hathor5:


Many threads are unrealistic but never mind.

I'm tired of reading made up stories so all threads are assumed guilty until proven otherwise.

Ishilove:
I'm always wary of well written posts on Nairaland. This one in particular is really supish. Make one Hints writer no use me catch cruise

Hints writer? That magazine brings back memories.
Well, you should know that I have no reason to make up this story. It's personal, true and it has caused me so much pain. You also have every reason not to believe it's authenticity given the made-up stories we get to read everyday on the internet.

Ishilove:

I'm tired of reading made up stories so all threads are assumed guilty until proven otherwise.

All threads?

@OP Thank your stars and move on.. that kind of girl lacks wisdom, she is the type that'll force you to live beyond your means and probably dump you later when she feels you can't meet up.

Marriage is something that can make or mar a promising young person.. If you enter marriage with the wrong person, everything in your life will be affected.

You write so well, I must say you're really good..

I'm actually glad that you're moving on now.. Must've been crazy having to deal with all of that, talk about covid & how it affected your business too.. I do hope things start to look up for you & your path crosses with that of a special someone who is reasonable, compassionate and supportive.

Klass99:


@ The first bold, I concur.

@ Second bold, you know when we were in secondary school we used to say things like ''out of sight is not out of mind'' ''distance makes the heart fonder'' but in reality these things are not true (speaking for myself).

If you haven't formed a bond with someone before distance interrupts a relationship, it can be hard to keep that person in mind or maintain a relationship with them.

And if her love language is quality time, touching, holding, cuddling etc I can see how things will quickly fall apart with distance in-between them. So, on that point I don't really blame her.

Your name should be Ifeoma . if if everywhere

Hathor5:


All threads?

Yes. ALL

1F30M4:
You write so well, I must say you're really good..

I'm actually glad that you're moving on now..

That's why I became suspicious. It's been long I read such lyrical, well written prose on Nairaland

Quite sad how so many people can no longer communicate effectively, and when we stumble on one who does, it is like a drink of fresh water in a burning desert.

don4real18:

Hints writer? That magazine brings back memories.
Well, you should know that I have no reason to make up this story. It's personal, true and it has caused me so much pain. You also have every reason not to believe it's authenticity given the made-up stories we get to read everyday on the internet.

I must say you write very well. I got distracted by the flow and smooth transitions while reading, and this made me assume it is fiction.

Well, you have been given lots of solid advice and I have nothing new to add. Your lady does not seem to be mature enough for marriage. Perhaps, in time, sense will fall on her and by that time she will set her priorities straight.

To borrow Toni Kan's byline- Things Kan Only Get Better

Congratulations on dodging a bullet

Sorry o. Breakfast don reach you be that. Na all of us go chop am. I be chief breakfast chopper. Go find orijin drink. Pele.

Ishilove:

I must say you write very well. I got distracted by the flow and smooth transitions while reading, and this made me assume it is fiction.

Well, you have been given lots of solid advice and I have nothing new to add. Your lady does not seem to be mature enough for marriage. Perhaps, in time, sense will fall on her and by that time she will set her priorities straight.

To borrow Toni Kan's byline- Things Kan Only Get Better

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate.

1F30M4:
You write so well, I must say you're really good..

I'm actually glad that you're moving on now.. Must've been crazy having to deal with all of that, talk about covid & how it affected your business too.. I do hope things start to look up for you & your path crosses with that of a special someone who is reasonable, compassionate and supportive.

Amen. Thanks a lot.

don4real18:


I did try to let her know that we could use the money to do something else, but she was adamant. After some time, I did succumb to her demand, but she felt that it should not have led to an argument in the first place and decided to call the wedding off. I tried calming her down and even suggested that we postpone it, but she wouldn't budge with a reason so petty. It hurt at first. It made me lose focus for a while, but I guess I've pretty patched up now hence my decision to share with you all.

God bless us all.

I ThanGod for you ... Some of you failed to realise when God is helping you .... You need to pay attention to your brain because that's the only way God speaks to Human and other animate objects!

Abuja spirit has entered into her and Abuja spirit is all about "spend and finish" ....

Majorly, Average Abuja people are Lavish and Mouthish. Abuja People spends beyond their pockets and being a resident of Abuja , Her Family, Friends and neighbours would have subjected her to Higher Standards beyond your means and of course, Her Means.

It's not just the wedding but also your marriage would also be toxicised from one extravagance to another. Na frustration go later wound you and you will bow out crying!

Go and do Offering as you have been delivered from evil spirit, Extravagance and ultimately depressing frustrations !!!

Let her go and date Senator Pickin and all these Monies Missed Road Alhajis & Sons dem ......

She is possessed now and her eyes may never be cleared or she might come begging !!

Marriage is not easy, but God will give us the power and the grace to over come amen

Yawn

She ain't so lovely afterall

If she wanted a big wedding and could afford up to half the cost at least, e for better, if her siblings can also contribute to give her the kind of wedding she wants, e for make sense.

She's not ready to marry.

As for the counselling part sha, I understand where she's coming from, you should be able to sit together to take a few classes, even if it's once. But it's not enough to call off the wedding and her reason should not be because of a supposed man of God.

Based on my first paragraph sha, she never ready.

I have never read so many “did” in my life before. Calm down with the “did” abeg.


Don4real18
So, in short, asking for a virtual session with a priest is disrespectful to God. I don hear another one today.

She decides to be “woke” and dismissive when your mum offers advice but suddenly wants to conform to tradition when her priest is involved. She’s taking a hard line in two different directions but on similar concepts.

First of all, she has no principles. She needs to grow up. One of the first things she would have learned in that counselling session that she cancelled is compromise - reasonable compromise.

It is always reasonable to save money. It is always reasonable to use tech to make things easier. It is always reasonable to avoid calling off a wedding on a whim.

People are only able to call off weddings this hastily for a couple of reasons: immaturity and disenchantment.

Immaturity is self explanatory.

Disenchantment here refers to the proverbial scales falling off her eyes and revealing the suppressed truth that she actually had doubts and those doubts were valid to her. This could be for a number of reasons including the presence of a new guy she is considering.

If this is how she is in courtship, omo, I wonder how the marriage will be. Will you even have a say in the home at all?

Sorry bro. Nobody deserves to be dumped by a fiancée.