Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills - Family (8) - Nairaland
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| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by WhyAWhy(m): 12:49am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Cookie14: Abeg who respect help. Wait let me take respect to the bank What chore are we talking about abeg. Is your house Oshodi market abi who no get vacuum cleaner and washing machine/washer man in this present day. Even cooking sef, it is not as if you are turning out 30 different delicacies a month Let us assume you even want to be traditional, it means your so called husband has the final say and you have zero opinion. You go like am line that ? 5 Likes |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Forthepeople21(f): 12:53am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Completely agree. Slavishbenin: |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by hhdieter77: 12:56am On Nov 09, 2021 |
I believe your concept is the African mans mentality that always want to prove a point by always been financially leader which is not bad, My dear brother here in the United States a first class country unless you are married to Bill Gates or Donald trump , All bills are shared equally same when you divorce you wife she shares all you have equally. I will agree with you if you agree also that when you divorce your wife she drives you out of your own home and takes your house ,keep the kids and you pay her salary for all your kids while she is servicing her new lover until your kids are 18yrs old. Please stop thinking like a man from a 3rd world country that is if you are not truly from one so you have the right to reason that way 1 Like |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Lexusgs430: 12:59am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590: You must be a woman, that got a sole aim of killing the poor man.......... So what would the wife do with her money o ......... It's both of your families, so both should contribute towards the family......... Don't make the wife lazy ........ |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by addictiv(m): 1:13am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Men don suffer |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Awyhealthzone(f): 1:20am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590: Pls op what have to say about this. Note: someone posted it on a forum and we learn everyday. No one knows it all. ******************************** HELP A BROTHER What would you do? My Wife’s Salary Was a Mystery Until I discovered How Much She’s Truly Worth In 2016 she told me her salary was #80,000. And then two years later, when she got promoted, I asked about her salary and she said, “Oh these people, don’t mind them. They added only #30,000 to my old salary making #110,000 Because of her meager salary, I’ve taken up so many responsibilities in the house without complaint. I pay for utilities and pay for food. I pay the fees of our two kids, clothe them, and take care of their medical bills. When my wife sends me a grocery list, she adds sanitary pads. She buys dresses and clothes, comes to show them to me, and asks me to pay for them. She started talking about a car when our second child came in. Things weren’t good on my side so I asked her to give me some time. She said, “I’ve saved something. I can add it to what you have so you pay me when your money comes.” I agreed and took that money from her, topped it up to get her a car. For three months my ears never rest. She would wake up at dawn and ask me to pay what I owed her. I got tired and paid the money when I didn’t have much in my account. One evening, I turned my laptop on and saw a lot of emails. I checked and it was my wife’s email that had been opened. I asked her, “Did you use my laptop?” She answered, “Yeah I was checking something.” I told her, “Then you didn’t log out.” She answered, “I forgot. Please log out for me.” I was about to log out when something caught my attention. I saw a mail with the subject, “January Payslip.” I opened and started going through. When I saw her gross salary, I was shocked. #470,564k And this girl has been crying poverty? I went through the details. That night I couldn’t sleep. I was angry. I felt let down. I felt cheated. I felt played. We’ve been married for six good years and my wife earned that much without my knowledge? How much she earned didn’t bother me a lot than what she was using that money for. I decided not to talk immediately but rather do a little bit of investigation. All my life I’ve held the view that it wasn’t right for anyone to go through their partner’s phone. It’s an invasion of privacy and it breeds mistrust in the relationship but that night, going through her phone was the only way to find out what I was looking for. I started with her best friend. Nothing much was found. Her family had a Whatsapp group. I read the messages there. I got few hints. I went through the chat with her father and that was when I realized my wife had bought a piece of land and had started building. Her father was in charge of the project. He had sent photos of the various stages of the building. At some point, her father said, “Thank you for helping out your brother. He would have been home had it not been you.” She has only one brother—her senior brother. I went to look for the chat between them. Her senior brother lost his job and was home doing nothing so my wife bought her Hyundai i10 to use for Uber. Every week, her brother rendered an account and they split the money. From all indications, my wife was doing well for herself while she plays poor so she could rely on my salary. Why would she do that? I thought I was being a supportive husband so my wife could be proud of the man she married. When we bought land, it was her name and my name that appeared on the land title. That car I bought for her with a loan from her bears her name. I didn’t mind. I believed what’s hers was also mine. The next morning she realized I wasn’t looking well. I was boiling on the inside but looking for a good opportunity to start the conversation. When I calmed down a little, I asked her, “So why would you do that to me?” She asked, “What have I done?” I answered, “You bought land, you never told me. You started building on it, you never told me. When are you going to tell me?” She was shocked. She asked, “Who told you all that?” I said, “Your father did.” She stood quiet for a while. She asked, “Why would my father tell you all that? What were you people talking about” I said, “I don’t know. You can ask him.” We left it there. Some minutes later she came to me with her phone: “My father wants to talk to you.” The phone was already on a loudspeaker. His father was clearly angry. He asked, almost shouting, “You said I told you my daughter has a building? Where did I say that and when?” I asked, “Is it not true that my wife has a building project going on that you’re supervising?” He asked me, “I told you that?” I asked, “Is it true or not?” After the back and forth I told them, “I read your messages last night. I saw the pictures. I read the various budget you had sent to my wife. I read the confirmation of the money receipts that you sent her. You’re a man. Would you be happy if your wife does this to you?” He started fumbling. He started apologizing saying he thought I was aware.” My wife stood there motionless, didn’t know what to say. When her father hung up, I told her everything I knew, from her salary to the car she bought for her brother. I said, “Yet, even your sanitary pad, I buy them. You think I’m a fool? You’ll use your money to acquire your own properties and live on mine because you’re my wife? I hear. We’ll see.” Trust was lost. Love was broken. We had to find a new way of living our lives going forward. Her father called me every morning and evening apologizing for everything and sometimes taking up the blame so I didn’t have to blame his daughter. I told him, “The emotional state I’m in right now, it would be hard to think straight or think forgiveness. Just give me space.” Three days later, they were in our house. The father, the mother, and the senior brother. They came to apologize. “Don’t let this break up the beautiful marriage you both have. If nothing at all, consider the kids and be lenient in your judgment.” I listened to them. My position was still the same. “I need time to clear my mind. Just leave me alone to think.” From last month to this moment that I’m writing this, my wife had changed totally. She doesn’t ask for money but the house is being run smoothly. She has started paying for things she never paid for but that doesn’t move me. She has taught me a very great lesson and I’m taking it seriously. That in everything, I have to look out for myself and my family first. Last she told me, “If you want us to change the names on those properties, we can do so.” Guess whose name is on the property…her father’s name.” I told her, “You don’t need to change anything. They are yours. You suffered for them so you can decide what you want to do with them.” The land I bought has our names. I’m selling it and take my money back. The car she’s driving has her name. I put a for-sale sticker on it some weeks ago. She agreed she’ll pay for the car. I’ve given her two months to pay up or I sell it and take my money. She’s getting the message and I’m glad. Each one for himself, God for us all. She keeps asking if I’m going to leave her. I keep telling her I won’t but if she wants a divorce, I will gladly give her. I’m not going to leave the marriage. I would give us some time to heal and see what may happen but when it comes to money, I’ve taken the lesson she taught me through her actions... Is the husband justified by his actions ? If you were in his shoes, what will you do ? 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Drone95(m): 1:23am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Now I see why some men die before the wife
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| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by GloShare(m): 1:30am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Nigerian women don't wat to split bills but thy ant equality. No be ment? |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by ednut1(m): 1:43am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Dangote is not your average man. Women are working and making money, saving and buying houses in secret. While you labour till you drop dead kai |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Mendy101: 2:01am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Iyaebe:Apply na, to spend money una go dey vomit rubbish, you earn to assist your husband not to enslave him...my wife must split bill even if not same proportion, unless I am super rich and with someone like you I must still split it, would love to see where you go fit apply am reach 1 Like |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by FahBuLous: 2:08am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590:You are a pvssy ass man... So you have said something meaningful right?? Are you in the home of Dangote?? Do you know how they run their houses, you just come here and say the nonsense that is in ur head... Pvssy ass man...  2 Likes |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Mendy101: 2:08am On Nov 09, 2021 |
kmcutez: Then I hire a maid but you will sha pay your own part of her salary, all this nonsense mentality of Nigerian girls, what happened to support your husband, especially when he struggles to meet up you will just be there looking at him because he is suppose to do it when you can...funny lots 1 Like |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Mendy101: 2:10am On Nov 09, 2021 |
chloride6: |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Mendy101: 2:10am On Nov 09, 2021 |
ExtremeDot:Nigerian girls and those ones on nairaland are stupidly selfish 2 Likes |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Mendy101: 2:12am On Nov 09, 2021 |
BlackPantherxXx: Yesss, work her like a mule |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Fa44me: 2:14am On Nov 09, 2021 |
JONNYSPUTE: If it's based on at will, no wife will do anything. That at will means, she can decide to or not to. Seeing it as obligation would help her to see it beyond at will. Because at will is limiting her and the latter doesn't. Thanks for your contribution, bro. 2 Likes |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Mendy101: 2:17am On Nov 09, 2021 |
kmcutez: Big lies, outperform but you don’t want to foot few bills, your performance is therefore useless, but we all come here to lie anyways,so funny |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Mendy101: 2:18am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Solofresh2: Like say woman no full everywhere, mumu girl lol 1 Like |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Mendy101: 2:21am On Nov 09, 2021 |
kmcutez: Lol, that’s it? That’s how you outperform 99% of Nigerian men?, some of you are really funny |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by InvertedHammer: 2:25am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590:/ Can you beat CR in a football game? Of course not. So it will be idiotic to judge your life based on his. You must admit that 99.9% of Nigerian men do not live like Dangote or Otedola. So why are you judging them based on the financial status of the duo? Marry your wife and guide your family whichever way that suits you. But stay out of other people’s lives. / 1 Like |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Prenonjebose: 2:29am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Op, you need to realise that not all men who demand for splitting of the bill do that out of malice or outright laziness to earn enough to solely cater for the family. It became expedient for some because of the expectations from their wives, who demand for a lifestyle much above what they can earn. In some of these cases, the pressure of committing crime, compromising, or getting involved in shady deals just to meet up, is lost on the spouse. If these men don't settle the issue of how much of an assistance they need from their wives, they will bear grudges against her, and there may be so much tension in the home. I believe no wise woman would want to walk on eggshells in every financial decisions expected in the home. A responsible man looks out for his home first before anything else likewise a woman. This saves a lot of stress for both parties. The issue of willingness is abstract. Women are different. Most men on this forum kicked against it for reasons bordering on personal or non personal experiences. I know someone who was doing just fine in a small 2 bedroom flat in a non expensive neighborhood until the wife under the pressure of her family, requested they move to a bigger 3 bedroom flat in a more expensive neighborhood. Of course, she willingly promised to assist him in settling the rent until he is able to adjust to paying the much higher rent. This she didn't do, so the guy has to grudgingly pay the rent in full, thereby affecting his other financial decisions. So, i don't think it's right to use one rule fits all in any life decision. 1 Like |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by BigBashiru: 2:39am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Slavishbenin:not only is the woman grown up but she done suck different cocks tire for free, she don receive fukk from so many different guys in the peak of her prime and swallowed after bjs.... and those all other guys got all that for free! and now you have the expenses of taking care of an adult and footing expensive bills in the name of marriage - whats in it for me? Traditional marriage worked because men had reward - their was something in it for them - girls kept themselves and were also productive in farms etc.... no free handouts to women. |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Kokaine(m): 2:42am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590:what if I opened a business for her. Does she have to be accountable to me on the revenue and profit generated? |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Value2Ethics: 3:03am On Nov 09, 2021 |
It is good you air your opinion here, yet every person is unique. Every man should find what works him and follow it. The worst thing that will happen to man is to be out of cash at your old age. Now that you full if energy and can earn money, support your family but never forget to save and invest for your old age. Days of depending on government pension or your children in your old age are gone. Support your family, but ensure you have enough savings and investments to support same life style you enjoy today. If a woman is working and needs to be ask to contribute to family bills then she is not committed to that marriage. She is seeing her husband as ATM machine. What do you think happens to ATM machine when it stops to bring out cash?      wunmi590: 1 Like |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by egunna(m): 3:29am On Nov 09, 2021 |
DoggoneDogg:in normal circumstances,when he says yes,u don't say no.there is a reason for having a leader and n every association in life,so is marriage.fcourse dere are times u say no too,but he still has to say yes to your no.u don't contribute so I can have a say in d house. |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Josephamstrong1(m): 3:36am On Nov 09, 2021 |
eazzzy1:And this is the summarised truth. You've spoken so well, brother. I wonder the kinda men we're breeding and raising these days! You expect naturally or beg a woman that said she loves you for willingness to support? It's no longer in the nature of these generation of girls or women to support, and so...should be reminded! God didn't create a woman on a willing note. He didn't seek for anybody's permission to give Adam a helpmate. It is a mandate, an obligation, a must do for every woman that earns. It helps them in the financial responsibilities at home. What if the man ain't no more? Reason men die so young in marriages. What is she doing with hers? I have to split it out for you! Delegate financial responsibilities to you. We have kids and whole lots to carter for and you think I'll be the only sole provider till when? A man delegates financial responsibilities to his woman! If not, she saves all her money for her family while yours languishes in penury. My wife knows this, she strives to make sure she takes care of the delegated financial responsibilities, while I do mine. We're happy. Waiting for a woman to willingly support you is a mirage, she only observes...and can come out when you're financially incapacitated, then it becomes a burden to her, she might not complain before you, but trust me her relatives must have heard of it. It's better done on time than later. This is life, no one can predict who dies first. Men ain't immune to hardship to die first because of some stupid ego of becoming the sole provider. JayZ ain't broke to have made that comment. And it doesn't reduce your ego as a man. She knows that I earn more than her and if she stops contributing, she has lost it. I'll be providing, but she won't be happy in the marriage. I'll tell her I have other things to do with my money without involving her, I'll make the sole decisions. Women should embrace sharing in financial responsibilities. It is for their own good. Then where is the love they keep professing in the first place? Meaning it is limited to financial responsibilities. When I see some comments here from some women, I shrug. Like, really? Men should be careful the kinda women they get married to. All these are spelt out while dating. A good woman is a blessing to her man. And every good woman in a man's life, whether still dating or married should by order of law not allow the man to remain on the same financial status she met him. There should be increase, forward and evidence of improvement. No wonder some men start dwindling financially after getting married. It's an error! 3 Likes |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Toks2008(m): 4:03am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590: You are stark ignorant. The person who made that statement does not live in Nigeria. Your mentality is local. Travel out to developed country and get sense. When you see bills beyond your salary nobody will teach you before you sit your wife down. 1 Like |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Toks2008(m): 4:08am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590: Your post is full of ignorance sis cos you are just a female posing to be a male but then it is your opinion but a very myopic one. |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Toks2008(m): 4:10am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590: You don't sound like a male cos you are not one by my reckoning. |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Toks2008(m): 4:11am On Nov 09, 2021 |
Iyaebe: Local mindset. Just remain in Naija with your mindset. Outside the country you either share bills or you pay your own bills as a single lady or single baby mama. No other choice |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by vaca1: 4:17am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590: Don't mind them. They should split pregnancy and house chores too |
| Re: Husbands, Never Force Your Wives To Split Bills by Nobody: 4:18am On Nov 09, 2021 |
wunmi590: What is her money meant for? |
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