ChiomaCa:
I'm honest with my story. And I have never for once deny him of sexual intimacy. Infact, most time I make move, almost all the time. I swear to God Almighty. I'm feeling as if I'm ugly and not good looking enough

You need to start wearing clothes like this in the bedroom for your husband.Try it and see if he changes, give him different styles too.

https://www.bonprix.se/kategori/dam-underklaeder-erotiska/

safarigirl:



This is rubbish advice

Nobody should watch that stupid, brain draining movie.

The Bible is strongly against adultery and adultery will always be a valid reason for divorce even by God's standards.

You cannot pray away a sick man. War Room is a movie for a reason.

Imagine if I adviced you to go and watch Spiderman to help you navigate your life.

What seems to you as a rubbish advice might be one the best to some persons facing the challenge.

It seems you don't get it that divorce is not an option until every other option considered has failed.

ChiomaCa:
Hello everyone, I'm in need of an advice, I got married to a man 5yrs+ ago. He relocated some months after marriage to Canada, I went to meet him 2 years after. And we had a baby 10months after my arrival. Immediately I arrived his place, I noticed he flirt alot onlline, Sex chats, Video sex chats, Visit porn sites, visit Prostitue Sites, and the rest. I caught him red-handed twice and he begged and pleaded not to do such again. I forgive him and I believe maybe because of the distance we had in two years.

We move on and I promise myself not to even go near his Laptop or mobile phone anymore.

I adhered to that for more than a year, which I'm still doing that till December 23 of 2021.

My daughter threw his I-watch inside water. Then I picked it up to drain for some minutes, after I drianed, I realised a message popped up , which Read " Do you enjoy me yesterday Do I book you for tomorrow again"

I was forced to check what's this. I saw hell. In short, he visited two different Prostitues in a hotel to book 30 minutes session with them for $160 and $220, I also saw other messages asking for Anal sex from these Escorts. I realised, he visited them 3rd, 1st 22nd of December. During these period, I was the one begging him for sex. He said he's not interested that he's Fixed with many activities and Shifts at work.

I was in the house hopping my husband as gone to work, not knowing he's doing something else within his short break and free time.

Immediately I saw this, I was devastated,I was mad at my self. We are very religious. Why all these for God sake, this is the 3rd time, what have I done to myself, have made a wrong choice?

I called his brother back in Nigeria and I inform and sent all what I saw to him, he called and talked to him, the next day, my husband came to me, apologize and promised not to do that again. I accept and forgive him.

Few days ago, I have been having this kind of feeling, I feel like I'm not beutiful because why will my husband prefer a Prostitue than me.

I hate myself, I think about it every minutes, whenever I see him, my mind keep breathing fast. I'm sad and I'm not happy, I don't know what to do.

I can't discuss with my parents, because they see my husband as the most religious person.

He doesn't talk much, keep friends nor drink.

I need advice dear mummy and daddy please is this a red light?

DONT HATE URSELF. Discuss the issues with ur Husband for him to overcome this Evil Part he took earlier to ur arrival. Pls do not allow Depression into ur Life because of this.

U can Win with over with Trye Love, Prayers, Frank Communication and Attentions to him.
What he has been doing is Bad but dont abuse him nor be Tempted to either. He needs GOD'S Mercies and Deliverance,Pls.

Sit Down with Him and humbly and Lovingly Talk d issues out very Plainly. Do not Report him again either,Pls.
God Help U with Wisdom to Overcome this Satanic Attack on ur Family...IJN

Madam don’t blame yourself oo..even he is married to Beyoncé or any of those beautiful prositute he will still visit other prostitute after some days.. you husband is seriously addicted and under demonic control.. I’m also sure he loves you and really feel guilty about his action.. I believe you should do your best to Communicate with him often on how to stop.. Perhaps he can replace his addiction with a good one like going to the gym, if you can also ask him abit about is fantasy and let him Practice some on you ( like anal) and more and most especially pray for him and communicate with him often about it to make sure he is not going back to it

Threaten him with divorce.

If he begs you, agree on only one condition.

That both of you should go see a shrink.

And then warn him, that if he sleeps with prostitutes again, you will leave him for good.

If he is a good man, and he sees the scope of what he is about to lose, he will change.

Pornography destroys many a (man's and sometimes woman's) soul.
The inordinate lust, and the increasing depravity that the habitual act of consuming pornography brings, has multi-faceted effect in the life of the addict. There are multiple perversions that stem from pornography akin to monstrous many-headed hydra.

Simran94:


At this point don’t blame yourself, you are more than enough. Your husband is the one with the problem here and I know some people might advice you to stay and pray for your husband which is good but not when you are at the risk of contracting an STD or even HIV from your husband. You have kids already, you are in Canada, my advice? Leave him and file for a divorce, please get yourself some evidences and don’t confront him.

He is addicted to a very dirty and irritating habit, it would take time and dedication before he leaves all this.

For your sake and that of the children, just file for a divorce and don’t worry about money or where you will stay. The court will instruct your husband to pay you and your children money on a monthly basis.

And if you decide to stay and fight for your marriage as some are advising, please make sure you watch your daughter whenever she’s around her father, never let her be in a room alone with him, acts like the above you mentioned from your husband are capable of turning them into perverts, men addicted to prostitutes and anal sex from them are capable of going any length to get it regardless of who it is they are getting it from.

Good luck.

Spot on

Before you know, the prostitutes won't be enough for him and he starts looking at his own daughter..

I feel sorry for this woman. While some men in that same Canada are busying buying houses with saved money and building their asset with their family, one is busy spending his money from shift job on prostitute and call girls.

Divinefavour1:


What seems to you as a rubbish advice might be one the best to some persons facing the challenge.

It seems you don't get it that divorce is not an option until every other option considered has failed.

Divorce is an option the moment adultery comes in

Even the Bible specifically lists adultery as a ground for divorce. So, on what ground is divorce not an option? The only ground you can use lists divorce as an option

ShenTeh:


Auntie, you are still asking if this is a red light. No, it is black light.

Now seriously, like most victims, there's a tendency to blame yourself instead of the 'criminal'. Please don't blame yourself. The one who needs help here is your husband.
Stop making him see you as an easy forgiver. He knows you are very weak and are entirely financially dependent on him. Trust me when push gets to shove, his people would believe whatever he says against what you do. Save yourself.

He is an irresponsible man who has no business in marriage. If indeed you are in Canada, file for divorce with the evidence you have.

Hypocrisy sucks.

For your mind, you have made sense abi? Will you give her a better husband after the divorce?
Divorce should only be a last resort after all other solutions fail to work

[Please ma'am answer me honestly.in the dating stage, initially,who chased each other first,you chased him or he chased you? In the very beginning of everything,how did two of you meet?

quote author=ChiomaCa post=109416018] I'm honest with my story. And I have never for once deny him of sexual intimacy. Infact, most time I make move, almost all the time. I swear to God Almighty. I'm feeling as if I'm ugly and not good looking enough[/quote]

It's unfortunate Nairaland is becoming something else these day. The st*p*d alpha males will still blame you for your husband's promiscuity. Let your husband know there is a little you can bear, don't let him manipulate you as usual with his pleading. If it requires you shouting at him, please do and for the main time, insist on him using protection when having fun with him.

safarigirl:




I have seen people who eventually died of addiction, but not before ruining the lives of loved ones that tried to care for them

Love does not just mean suffering with someone, it means doing your best to make sure the person you love does not have to suffer

Why is it only women you demand love from?

If the man loved his wife, would he be following prostitutes? If he loved her, would he not want to do better for her? If he loved her, would he not have taken actions to make sure his addiction does not bring her pain?

Why do you only mention love when it is the husband messing up? Do women not also deserve love? How can you love someone and deny them sex just so you can go and stick your dick in public private parts?

Love means also loving yourself enough to know when someone is abusing your love. It is love that has brought this woman to Nairaland to seek help. Now, the husband should love her enough to try therapy

Enjoy yourself dear. I have contributed my own part.

Enugurangers:


Canada is a developed country. The man will spend the money he uses to patronise prostitutes on child support.


That might be his cure from prostitution, no money no ashawo.

Looooool.

Amanee:
If you divorce him like he deserves now, people will say you used him to go abroad and grew wings upon getting there. God help you ma'am

as in eh

Please shut up your nonsense mouth

StPete:
It's just sex and it's his own addiction. Either help him to fight it or just let him be. As long as he does his bit in his family. You see, to men like that, it's just sex. No feelings attached.

I know many people would reverse the case if it was the woman but women don't just have random sex, it comes with emotions. Even prostitutes catch feelings with their clients. So just let him be. Insist he use a condom with them and just free your mind about how he bleeps around. In his own time, he will stop

safarigirl:



This is rubbish advice

Nobody should watch that stupid, brain draining movie.

The Bible is strongly against adultery and adultery will always be a valid reason for divorce even by God's standards.

You cannot pray away a sick man. War Room is a movie for a reason.

Imagine if I adviced you to go and watch Spiderman to help you navigate your life.

Adultery is a ground for divorce, but it doesn't change the fact that prayer changes lives.

God hates divorce.

He won't penalize you for divorcing an adulterous man, which is scriptural.
You won't go to hell for that as long the lady remains unmarried.

God won't be pleased with it though.

What is joined together, let no man put asunder.

lomprico:

Religion is #2 of this issue, your husband is #1

If you still want your marriage to work, start watching porn n learn what they do there so that you can do it with your hubby, if possible boyhood you shld watch it together n discuss how you both want it.

If you are fed up, divorce the asshole and move on before you destroy yourself. This one u are already having yourself.

I still don't understand why you had to mention me (boyhood) here.

The boys advice on this thread is a clear example of the reason why nobody should feel an iota of empathy for them when they get the rewards of their labor . Harvest what you grow and support

ChiomaCa:
I'm honest with my story. And I have never for once deny him of sexual intimacy. Infact, most time I make move, almost all the time. I swear to God Almighty. I'm feeling as if I'm ugly and not good looking enough

the truth is that your husband is a sex addict imagine him sleeping with prostitutes and also doing anal mhennnn.... the man has gone Farr no be today e start probably he has been doing it in Nigeria before he travelled out.

please never blame your self biko even if you like do all the beautification he'll still go back to the ashewo house. does he take Viagra? coz he seems to have so much appetite for sex.

I won't advice you to divorce him. keep talking to him especially after divotion if you notice he hasn't change move out. you guys should be sperated pending when he decide to change.



forget about what family people will say, tell them about their brothers promiscuity let no one make you fell guilty for their brother's adulterous act.

KillIgbohoN0W:
When you were prostituting with him you didn't alert us. Now that he has dumped you for fresher prostitutes, you are complaining.

A man like that definitely married you because of all the porn styles you gave him which you no longer give in marriage.

This is why one must be true to him/herself. If you hoe around while single and attract a man that's about that life then better continue being his hoe in marriage. Any attempt to reset and become "normal" will result in this type of issue.


Be yourself at all times so that even in marriage there'll be no difference with who you attracted.

The most stupid comment I have read in 2022.
I owe you an award for this

God knows I detest any being that fvcks around like a dog.

OP's hubby is sexually loose & should be treated as thrash.

MNDY:


Many men jog and patronize gyms. Not as many as of your gender do. Being churchy does not stop her from exploring his sexual fantasies with him. They are married and belong to each other divinely and should be free to do whatever with each other, no wrong in that.

She can’t disfigure her butthole to please a husband!!! Would you shoot out your bum for your wife to penetrate you from behind?

Make una dey talk wetin una fit do abeg!

JONNYSPUTE:
....Are you trying to solve the problem or worsen it?

Is it not better for her to get a divorce and be alife to take care of her daughter?
Why not ask her to file for divorce instead?

So let's assume she starts denying him sex and he got angry and beat her or even kill her,what happens to her daughter?

so in order to avoid getting beat up, she should open her legs and collect deadly diseases?

If your wife has been sleeping with multiple guys, will you say the same thing to yourself? Many of you are so chronically insensitive it’s awful to watch

pocohantas:


Sex denial would not lead a responsible man into the laps of PROSTITUTES!!! It doesn’t make a man start engaging in ANAL SEX. There is nothing you men would not say to justify your bad behaviour. That is why Nigerian men do not get better, they just sit around with nasty attitudes and convince themselves they deserve the most virtuous woman.

Even some single guys do not do prostitutes. Do you know how twisted one would be to walk up to an obvious call girl and negotiate price? You think that is a habit a man would develop just because his wife denied him sex?

The lady clearly stated that she joined him in Canada and noticed that was his way of life. Yet you still have to twist it and heap the blame on her. This is his lifestyle.

You people would not die if you tell yourselves the truth. Ahnahn!!

despite the fact you made a lot of sense, you still derailed it by generalizing. No two men behave alike, people choose what they will and exhibit it accordingly.

ShenTeh:


Auntie, you are still asking if this is a red light. No, it is black light.

Now seriously, like most victims, there's a tendency to blame yourself instead of the 'criminal'. Please don't blame yourself. The one who needs help here is your husband.
Stop making him see you as an easy forgiver. He knows you are very weak and are entirely financially dependent on him. Trust me when push gets to shove, his people would believe whatever he says against what you do. Save yourself.

He is an irresponsible man who has no business in marriage. If indeed you are in Canada, file for divorce with the evidence you have.

Hypocrisy sucks.

Why advising a divorce?
You have well stated that it is the hubby that needs help, so, if she divorced him, how will the needed help ever come?

For me, the man needs counseling. And the woman must stay by his side as much as she could.
Staying by his side should ensure the man’s mind do not wander nor go astray into cyber-disgusts.

Chioma Ca. Your husband needs help. The problem is not you. Don't copy any prostitute. Not in dressing or action. That is not going to work for both of you. Just dress well and look good both indoor and outdoor. Don't report this to his family again. Please don't. Since he is religious, then, pray with him, pray for him and share the word of God with him in love. Don't rebuke or tease him while at it. I believe he would change with time. Good luck

pocohantas:
Any small thing, they will start telling the wife to take care of herself. How many of you Nigerian men look good? With your pot bellies like drum and nonexistent necks.

Suddenly prostitutes look and feel better than your virtuous wives ba? Yet we keep hearing talks of how high body count makes a woman look old, sexually unresponsive and unattractive.

I guess it all flies out through the window when y’all are ready to justify and defend your cheating ways.

Why not marry the lady with ashewo vibes? You claim men know the one to marry. Say you want peace of mind. You done marry peace of mind now, you come dey cheat on am with ashewo. Confused gender.

The real issue with relationships, especially for women, is not accepting the reality: men are polygamous in nature.

While present day social orientation is fighting hard to change this reality, Nature will always win and the result will be conflicts, that will lead to failed relationships.

I feel your concerns and it is well understood but unfortunately it is not our reality! If divorce and separation would have solved the problem of cheating husband's, men would have stopped cheating a long time ago.

The painful Truth, is for us to accept our reality and seek a more accommodating approach to assist our spouses to stop or reduce the act.

ChiomaCa:
I'm not with him because of wealth. I have a company here in Nigeria and it's still functioning! My brother manage this on my behalf... Also whenver he wanna talk about his traveling out success story, he will definitely mention my mum and I

This your reply will make alot of nairalanders, change what they initially had in mind to type after reading your predicament. Most guys here see women as gold diggers, after many must have read where your hubby took you to canada, it will validate their thought, now after reading this your reply, it will change their thought again .

I feel most stories here, are cooked up, but let me add my opinion anyways, I think you should invite those white garment church that use, cain and plank to deliver people, into your home to come and deliver your husband, i think he is possessed, thats why he lacks self control.

cococandy:
Please shut up your nonsense mouth

LOL
Nigerian men get problem no be small oo

My sister. People asking you to divorce him do not mean you well. This isn't a case of divorce. That man is an addict to women and the fact that you beg for sex shows that is not pleased with your body changes post natal.
I know that your daughter takes your time too but then, there is a crisis in your marriage. I want to assure you first that you are still beautiful and there is no thing wrong with you. Stop getting depressed over this. Your case is not more than many women out there. Take it easy and address this issue with caution and sensitive gloves.
First, get real with him about the changes you have endured from having a baby. Educate that man well enough so that he can appreciate the effort that you put in to carry a human being to birth. Get some nice clothes like the prostitutes get and work on your body as much as you can.
communication is very essential in marriage. You both must not be afraid to discuss sensitive topics. do not let him sweep issues under the carpet.
Saying that you forgive a man without asking for the initial reason for his actions is furtive. A man cheats cos he has fantasies. Are you in his book of fantasy? Ask yourself. His brothers cannot change him, you can. He is a human and a subject to change. He is not totally gone.
Divorcing him exposes you to even more cheat kings. At least, he has one problem. Only one! You should focus on it and work on your man to fix it. Read the Bible together. Not only praying, but let him read the word and take time to analyse it, then pray. Propose ideas to him and ask him to reveal his sexual fantasies to you.
some men require a strong event in their lives to make changes, like being jailed for illegal sex or experiencing a near-death incident. some just need a support to help them change. It may be in his heart to change but the pressure compels him to visit the girls. Intensify your assistance and help him overcome his struggle. see it from that angle. It is addiction. He needs help. Don't give up on him as yet. Fight for the love in your affair.

When he was alone and sex starved you expect him not to go out there and enjoy himself

He was already use to it before you joined him in canada

Best advice is when a partner plan to move it’s always better both of you move together

CHoccolaTE:


LOL
Nigerian men get problem no be small oo

after they will start crying paternity fraud. No who No know dem