Nonexisting:
Go to your pastor for advice. You left your Nigerian boyfriend for a Canada returnee because of money and now, you're reaping the fruits of your foolishness.

Did you truly type this?

CSTRR:


Adultery is a ground for divorce, but it doesn't change the fact that prayer changes lives.

God hates divorce.

He won't penalize you for divorcing an adulterous man, which is scriptural.
You won't go to hell for that as long the lady remains unmarried.

God won't be pleased with it though.

What is joined together, let no man put asunder.

I hope if your woman cheats on you, you will also remember that divorce is disliked by God?

cococandy:
so in order to avoid getting beat up, she should open her legs and collect deadly diseases?

If your wife has been sleeping with multiple guys, will you say the same thing to yourself? Many of you are so chronically insensitive it’s awful to watch

....Did you understand what I wrote there?. She should move out and file for divorce instead of staying with him and denying him sex. That what I imply. Go read my other commitments I don't support the man.

StPete:
It's just sex and it's his own addiction. Either help him to fight it or just let him be. As long as he does his bit in his family. You see, to men like that, it's just sex. No feelings attached.

I know many people would reverse the case if it was the woman but women don't just have random sex, it comes with emotions. Even prostitutes catch feelings with their clients. So just let him be. Insist he use a condom with them and just free your mind about how he bleeps around. In his own time, he will stop

Matured reply, no feelings attached you are definitely right. moreover the wife could be a log stick while having sex, no romance, no sexual arousal , just stay like stick while he will be doing everything without her supporting him romantically by handling the nipples among other sexual enhancing activities , let her do more home work on her sexual life , sound romantic, and do the needful. I believe the man would either stop visiting prostitutes or reduce it drastically by 90% .

It’s their Madonna-wh0re complex at work

pocohantas:
Any small thing, they will start telling the wife to take care of herself. How many of you Nigerian men look good? With your pot bellies like drum and nonexistent necks.

Suddenly prostitutes look and feel better than your virtuous wives ba? Yet we keep hearing talks of how high body count makes a woman look old, sexually unresponsive and unattractive.

I guess it all flies out through the window when y’all are ready to justify and defend your cheating ways.

Why not marry the lady with ashewo vibes? You claim men know the one to marry. Say you want peace of mind. You done marry peace of mind now, you come dey cheat on am with ashewo. Confused gender.

dlox147:


The real issue with relationships, especially for women, is not accepting the reality:that men are polygamous in nature.

While present day social orientation is fighting hard to change this reality, Nature will always win and the result will be conflict that will lead to failed relationships.

I understand your concerns and it is well understood but unfortunately it is not our reality! If divorce and separation would have solved the problem of cheating husband's, men would have stopped cheating a long time ago.

The painful Truth is for us to accept our reality and seek a more accommodating approach to assist our spouses to stop or reduce the act.

Then marry multiple wives. No one is stopping you men from marrying 100 wives. Marry 100 women that are interested in practicing polygamy with you. Don’t marry one woman and start pursuing 200L girls upandan. If they get pregnant you will tell them to abort it. That is not polygamy, that is a useless man in action. A subset many of you fall into.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Did you understand what I wrote there?. She should move out and file for divorce instead of staying with him and denying him sex. That what I imply. Go read my other commitments I don't support the man.

okay. Sorry I misunderstood

CHoccolaTE:


I hope if your woman cheats on you, you will also remember that divorce is disliked by God?

You have a point ma.

No vex.

I will leave her, without thinking twice.

I am only outlining the view of the scriptures for those that want to follow it truly.

Change your church. He needs the fire of the Holy Spirit to burn off that powerful spirit in him.

cococandy:
okay. Sorry I misunderstood

...Uwc. Thanks and sorry if I was harsh.

Please don't divorce your husband are you a christian or muslim. If you're à christian.go down to fasting and prayer.your husband open a door for Satan to coming. He now possesed with the spirit of immorality.but with prayer your husband will be delivered and the door will be closed forever in jesus name . you can check my profile and contact me through my email.for a pray point.

To be honest I left nairaland. But this thread just made me come back briefly to drop my 2 cents. After which I will go off my account again and just observe. But I have seen a lot of women here saying, divorce him, bla bla bla bla. Please ask them if they have divorced their own cheating husbands. Don't let anyone push you into what you may not like eventually. This is what is ruining the African American society. Any small thing, divorce him. As fine as Beyonce is and as "ugly" as Jay Z is, he still cheated on Beyonce and there were people that were mad that she didnt divorce him. But she has shown to be very wise. Do you know who benefits in such a high profile divorce in the west. It's not the wife or the husband or the kids. It's divorce lawyers.

Now let me be real with you. If Jay Z can cheat on Beyonce (recognized as one the sexiest ladies in the world), trust me as much as you feel inadequate, he didnt cheat only because of how you look. But also trust me, you may have also let your outlook and dressing become sloppy. This is very common among Nigerian women. Once they get married, even to do the bearest minimum and keep looking trending they won't do it. No campaign after election right? Your husband has fantasies. Have you been fulling them? Do you ask him about them? Or do you just go to church every Sunday to kiss your pastor's ass. The same way women want a husband that provides for them and take cares of them is the same way men want men that maintain their beauty,stay fashionable or atleast try (everything shouldn't be about taking care of your baby). But many Nigerian women don't even try except they are going to church or to work which makes me feel they are more interested in attracting people in those places than their partner at home. The summary here is you need to do more! You're the one at home that he sees everyday. You have home advantage. I'm telling you that if you do what you need to do and FERVENTLY, he won't even HAVE TIME to think about one lady outside. Although I accept that there are some bastard husbands

Now to the man. I'm going to say this even though I will get smoked by some bitter females. Biologically men are polygamous by nature and even as seen from prev African culture. But still, in this dispensation, we agreed to one man one wife even though sometimes that is highly unrealistic but agreement is agreement. Prostitutes can bring STDs although this man appears disciplined enough to use protection (P.S: He brought you from Nigeria to Canada when other men based there won't even do that. He must have found you very attractive to do that.). Prostitutes also cost money. You can shock him by saying you will leave him. I'm sure he will change for a while but he will still go back because the root problem has not been solved. A plain discussion has to be had between husband and wife here. He needs to tell you what those prostitutes are doing. The one you can agree to do or learn the wife will do. If you can't do Anal then he will have to live without it. But it's obvious that there is no excitement in the bedroom and he is getting the excitement from elsewhere since he can now afford it. To him the money is nothing. He probably makes enough to afford it. But tell him you'd do most of it for free and keep the money in the family. Talk to him! After all, you married him. Marriage is not just about popping out babies and wearing anko. The problem is that in Nigeria as a young guy when we were broke we were getting no girls, no sex but now that you start making money and then you see all these girls you could never get some years ago throwing themselves at you, you could easily get tempted! I'm married and I'm a man and I know this.

Don't even think about divorce! At least not in Canada. I promise you, you will have yourself to blame for it. The lawyers and sharks are sitting at the sidelines waiting for everything to scatter so they can cash out. Visitation rights, legal restraints, and all that sh.i.t. Better just come back home jejely and divorce yourself in Naija if that is what you want to do. But who does divorce really benefit? Except there is a case of abuse or violence I will never recommend divorce. Smart black people in the west are beginning to see that divorce doesn't benefit them. Another example is Kevin Hart.

Summary: Do your own part. Improve your attractiveness. Work through your issues. Ask about his sexual preferences. Give him logical reasons how he will save money if you're the one fulfilling them. Chastise him. Don't bring in divorce yet. If you divorce him today all these bitter ladies will still be the first to marry him when they turn 34. Some are even saying you should report him to the Police? Like seriously? How does that benefit you, him or your kids? This is absolutely stupid.

Final PS: Anything una wan talk about this my post make una talk. I won't reply although I will be reading and following this thread.

JONNYSPUTE:
...Uwc. Thanks and sorry if I was harsh.

it’s fine no worries

Boyhood:

I still don't understand why you had to mention me (boyhood) here.

Hahaha! No vex, na hubby I type o, auto correct sef.

ChiomaCa:


I'm not a Prostitue. I said above that we are both religious. Even he's more than I do.

Take religious out of this serious problem as one serious adviser said earlier try to be seductive, buy lingerie clothes act like prostitute watch porn sex movies when his not there with you and act all this fantasies with him. Don’t brake your home the next man might not have prostitution problems but other problem trust me. Even asked him if he wants anal sex with you and use spray and creams you won’t have too much pain, be his se… toys.

Let me give you small fish from the pot. The way to stop him is for you to look and dress sexy and be romantic. Don't just lie down like stick during s...e.....X move your body and wine those waist.

ChiomaCa:
Hello everyone, I'm in need of an advice, I got married to a man 5yrs+ ago. He relocated some months after marriage to Canada, I went to meet him 2 years after. And we had a baby 10months after my arrival. Immediately I arrived his place, I noticed he flirt alot onlline, Sex chats, Video sex chats, Visit porn sites, visit Prostitue Sites, and the rest. I caught him red-handed twice and he begged and pleaded not to do such again. I forgive him and I believe maybe because of the distance we had in two years.

We move on and I promise myself not to even go near his Laptop or mobile phone anymore.

I adhered to that for more than a year, which I'm still doing that till December 23 of 2021.

My daughter threw his I-watch inside water. Then I picked it up to drain for some minutes, after I drianed, I realised a message popped up , which Read " Do you enjoy me yesterday Do I book you for tomorrow again"

I was forced to check what's this. I saw hell. In short, he visited two different Prostitues in a hotel to book 30 minutes session with them for $160 and $220, I also saw other messages asking for Anal sex from these Escorts. I realised, he visited them 3rd, 1st 22nd of December. During these period, I was the one begging him for sex. He said he's not interested that he's Fixed with many activities and Shifts at work.

I was in the house hopping my husband as gone to work, not knowing he's doing something else within his short break and free time.

Immediately I saw this, I was devastated,I was mad at my self. We are very religious. Why all these for God sake, this is the 3rd time, what have I done to myself, have made a wrong choice?

I called his brother back in Nigeria and I inform and sent all what I saw to him, he called and talked to him, the next day, my husband came to me, apologize and promised not to do that again. I accept and forgive him.

Few days ago, I have been having this kind of feeling, I feel like I'm not beutiful because why will my husband prefer a Prostitue than me.

I hate myself, I think about it every minutes, whenever I see him, my mind keep breathing fast. I'm sad and I'm not happy, I don't know what to do.

I can't discuss with my parents, because they see my husband as the most religious person.

He doesn't talk much, keep friends nor drink.

I need advice dear mummy and daddy please is this a red light?

luminouz:

See this one....

Are you even married to advise anyone?

My marital status is non of your business, register your advice if you have any and move on.

Women go through a lot in marriage sha, imagine begging your husband for sex and he’s out there giving anal sex. Infections nkor, he’ll fuvk different vaginas and come home to give your STDs. Can never be me o.

Ma’am, you’re too soft, which one be you don’t feel pretty anymore, mteww!.
Put that man in his place. You deserve better.

ChiomaCa:


I'm not a Prostitue. I said above that we are both religious. Even he's more than I do.

Those that cheat in marriages are more than those that don’t. Majority of marriages are crying silently except they open their own. I beg of you to not see your husband as a failure it just a weakness. I can vouch that it’s not as if he desires to hurt your feeling but he’s helpless. Kindly help him out with prayer and be His prostitute.

KillIgbohoN0W:
When you were prostituting with him you didn't alert us. Now that he has dumped you for fresher prostitutes, you are complaining.

A man like that definitely married you because of all the porn styles you gave him which you no longer give in marriage.

This is why one must be true to him/herself. If you hoe around while single and attract a man that's about that life then better continue being his hoe in marriage. Any attempt to reset and become "normal" will result in this type of issue.


Be yourself at all times so that even in marriage there'll be no difference with who you attracted.

Who trained you Jeeeeeez

pocohantas:


She can’t disfigure her butthole to please a husband!!! Would you shoot out your bum for your wife to penetrate you from behind?

Make una dey talk wetin una fit do abeg!

Disfigure? Like, she doesn't want people to see it disfigured? Pornstars/gays would not be doing anal if its health implications had no preventive remedy. And to her utmost surprise, she may actually find it very enjoyable. Even you too. *winks*

My first reply is Why Nairaland? You will receive a lot of stick from lots of people here who may not understand and they my say things that will make it worse. Where you are is a very serious place and you don't need abuses. I guess you had to come here out of the frustration. Nevertheless, it is well sis.

Secondly, you said you are very religious. I take that as being Christian (I hope). If truly you guys are, then your husband has a pastor and you do too. I want to believe you guys attend a church in Canada there. If so, is it possible to raise this matter with the pastor? It may sound a better option than here.

Thirdly, your husband is in a real mess. He's a sex addict and sadly, it doesn't seem to be you anymore. Yes, the distance played a part in it. He went to Canada, and I don't think it might be that godly. Imagine the change in culture, the cold. Who was supposed to keep him warm at nights? When he started seeing girls almost naked, how did you think he was going to cope? And there he was in a nation where it's so easy to get laid... We watch porn in Naija without ever imagining we would meet any of these ladies but he was actually watching it where he would be able to meet them and so, he fell hard. And like all addiction, his brain is messed up and trained to respond to this, so no matter how much he begs you each time he gets caught, the brain pushes him back to it and devices a means to not be caught. I know this because I have also been hooked to an addiction. It's a real problem which can not be solved physically alone. It must be solved first spiritually, mentally and physically. Spiritually because he needs God's help and he must be willing to get this help. Mentally because his brain must be retrained and then physically because he needs to physically disconnect from these prostitutes and porn apps and sites and connect more with you.

Now, are you willing to be there for him to connect to after all he has done to you? Will you be an ear to listen to him, a shoulder to cry on and a voice of encouragement? Or will you continue to resent him and be bitter at him for how much he has broken your heart and marriage? It's hard but are you willing to fight for your husband and marriage and forgive him? Are you willing to hand over your life to Jesus and ask him for help? You will have saved your marriage and helped your daughters life if she has a father standing because her mum refused to let go. Things may be bad, but not beyond Jesus. You need to heal and He can help you with that. It's not a matter of being religious. It's a matter of knowing Jesus.

I hope you get to read this and make a better decision. God bless you ma'am.

ChiomaCa:
Hello everyone, I'm in need of an advice, I got married to a man 5yrs+ ago. He relocated some months after marriage to Canada, I went to meet him 2 years after. And we had a baby 10months after my arrival. Immediately I arrived his place, I noticed he flirt alot onlline, Sex chats, Video sex chats, Visit porn sites, visit Prostitue Sites, and the rest. I caught him red-handed twice and he begged and pleaded not to do such again. I forgive him and I believe maybe because of the distance we had in two years.

We move on and I promise myself not to even go near his Laptop or mobile phone anymore.

I adhered to that for more than a year, which I'm still doing that till December 23 of 2021.

My daughter threw his I-watch inside water. Then I picked it up to drain for some minutes, after I drianed, I realised a message popped up , which Read " Do you enjoy me yesterday Do I book you for tomorrow again"

I was forced to check what's this. I saw hell. In short, he visited two different Prostitues in a hotel to book 30 minutes session with them for $160 and $220, I also saw other messages asking for Anal sex from these Escorts. I realised, he visited them 3rd, 1st 22nd of December. During these period, I was the one begging him for sex. He said he's not interested that he's Fixed with many activities and Shifts at work.

I was in the house hopping my husband as gone to work, not knowing he's doing something else within his short break and free time.

Immediately I saw this, I was devastated,I was mad at my self. We are very religious. Why all these for God sake, this is the 3rd time, what have I done to myself, have made a wrong choice?

I called his brother back in Nigeria and I inform and sent all what I saw to him, he called and talked to him, the next day, my husband came to me, apologize and promised not to do that again. I accept and forgive him.

Few days ago, I have been having this kind of feeling, I feel like I'm not beutiful because why will my husband prefer a Prostitue than me.

I hate myself, I think about it every minutes, whenever I see him, my mind keep breathing fast. I'm sad and I'm not happy, I don't know what to do.

I can't discuss with my parents, because they see my husband as the most religious person.

He doesn't talk much, keep friends nor drink.

I need advice dear mummy and daddy please is this a red light?

I think your husband needs a therapy session seriously. All this apology and what not is just going to be what you will have to live with. Addiction to a prostitute? You are not even sacred of what he might go out there and bring home?

JONNYSPUTE:
.....Go back and read the advice you gave her earlier. Where you said she should stop having sex with him.

Seems you don't understand what your comment there implies?

Yes, for now till she files for a divorce. Please do not sleep without protection with that promiscuous horseband

[She will remarry,white men here are not like Nigerian dogs.if they love you,they love you.many women here,65+ divorcee,are married.some even date younger guys.there are so many divorced men there.

A woman should never be the type who can't stay without a man.you must have a man at all costs.Never,ever be that woman.self control and delayed gratification gives you power and upper hand in real life.

So she should risk her life,remain married, just to answer MRS.? A leopard can never change his spots.he has been that way since forever,he was just pretending.




ote author=flokii post=109418220]

It's for her benefit actually.. she might catch his fancy once again if she wants to or opt out of the marriage.

Majority of guys patronizing escorts, hookers, olosh0s are married men and that's a fact. It shows there are things their wives are not doing or giving them again like before.

It's very easy for a divorced man to remarry but it's not same for a divorced woman with kid(s), the stereotype will be there so she has to think about that too. [/quote]

It's an addiction for him and it doesn't mean that you are less attractive. There is nothing you can do to yourself that will make him change, and he will still want to sleep with another woman even if she looks exactly the way you are.

He may still love you but he lacks self discipline in the area of womanising. There is a high it gives him.

You can either pray and hope he will drop the habit or divorce if you can't stand infidelity.

The choice is yours.

N

ChiomaCa:
Hello everyone, I'm in need of an advice, I got married to a man 5yrs+ ago. He relocated some months after marriage to Canada, I went to meet him 2 years after. And we had a baby 10months after my arrival. Immediately I arrived his place, I noticed he flirt alot onlline, Sex chats, Video sex chats, Visit porn sites, visit Prostitue Sites, and the rest. I caught him red-handed twice and he begged and pleaded not to do such again. I forgive him and I believe maybe because of the distance we had in two years.

We move on and I promise myself not to even go near his Laptop or mobile phone anymore.

I adhered to that for more than a year, which I'm still doing that till December 23 of 2021.

My daughter threw his I-watch inside water. Then I picked it up to drain for some minutes, after I drianed, I realised a message popped up , which Read " Do you enjoy me yesterday Do I book you for tomorrow again"

I was forced to check what's this. I saw hell. In short, he visited two different Prostitues in a hotel to book 30 minutes session with them for $160 and $220, I also saw other messages asking for Anal sex from these Escorts. I realised, he visited them 3rd, 1st 22nd of December. During these period, I was the one begging him for sex. He said he's not interested that he's Fixed with many activities and Shifts at work.

I was in the house hopping my husband as gone to work, not knowing he's doing something else within his short break and free time.

Immediately I saw this, I was devastated,I was mad at my self. We are very religious. Why all these for God sake, this is the 3rd time, what have I done to myself, have made a wrong choice?

I called his brother back in Nigeria and I inform and sent all what I saw to him, he called and talked to him, the next day, my husband came to me, apologize and promised not to do that again. I accept and forgive him.

Few days ago, I have been having this kind of feeling, I feel like I'm not beutiful because why will my husband prefer a Prostitue than me.

I hate myself, I think about it every minutes, whenever I see him, my mind keep breathing fast. I'm sad and I'm not happy, I don't know what to do.

I can't discuss with my parents, because they see my husband as the most religious person.

He doesn't talk much, keep friends nor drink.

I need advice dear mummy and daddy please is this a red light?

You're forgiving too easily, insist that the only way forward is of he gets treatment for this issue.

Obviously the time apart helped to breed this, however it's something he should have stopped since you arrived.

I highly recommend therapy for both of you as a couple and also individually.

As a couple you should be seeking to find and fix what's missing in the relationship that's making him go out. Understand that this process might involve exploring uncharted waters for you, i.w. Anal sex, role playing and generally spicing things up in the bedroom. The worst thing you can do or say, is believing some stuffs are out of bound, nothing is until you've tried, tested and confirmed as a No no This is the time to park aside the whole we're religious pretense. Also no crime with you being Sister Mary Magdalene Chioma by day, and sexy Chinzy in the house/bedeoom.

For him obviously he needs to come to face with his unhealthy addictions and the reason why he needs to pay for sex he's been offered so freely at home.

For you, you also need help with your self worth and not needing or seeking validation from others (ie. statements such as I feel ugly etc) are dead giveaways.

only thing is he needs ito be willing to engage with the process before it can be beneficial to both of you. And he sure afford therapy with the price he's paying prostitutes �

Thoughty2:
It's an addiction for him and it doesn't mean that you are less attractive. There is nothing you can do to yourself that will make him change, and he will still want to sleep with another woman even if she looks exactly the way you are.

He may still love you but he lacks self discipline in the area of womanising. There is a high it gives him.

You can either pray and hope he will drop the habit or divorce if you can't stand infidelity.

The choice is yours.

Totally agree.

ChiomaCa:


I'm not a Prostitue. I said above that we are both religious. Even he's more than I do.

Since you are both religious, he should open up formally to the elders in church and start counselling. I doubt hidden repentance will work. He probably picked it up as an addition being away from you from a long time. It's may not be about you not being good enough, he is likely lost in his addiction.

It's an addition madam, he is likely to relapse again except you take drastic action that will shame him and force him to pursue genuine revovery

ChiomaCa:
I'm honest with my story. And I have never for once deny him of sexual intimacy. Infact, most time I make move, almost all the time. I swear to God Almighty. I'm feeling as if I'm ugly and not good looking enough

you are not ugly. Your husband also loves you, he is only fighting his demons. As a wife, you should help him overcome this addiction. I can bet my last card that your husband is not happy with what he is doing, forget all the self righteous people advising you to leave him. Your hubby even have valid reason for falling into the addiction, having been alone for 2 years.

Another point is that it is better for your husband to sleep with prostitutes as long as he uses protection than to have a mistress(girlfriend)

Hello my dear, don’t divorce him. The old devil you know is better than the new.

My advice if you’re religious continue to put in prayers. 2. Sit him down & ask him to forgive whatever you have done to him. 3. Ask him whatever he likes on another woman , you can do it to satisfied him also. 4. Always free your mind & don’t bother to check on his phone. 5. Tell him to use protection 6. Don’t think cos you have a baby you can be dressing anyhow you like, dress well, clean your house, shaved your private hair, don’t act like a reverend sister, upgrade yourself in social life & dont over do. Forget about being religious, your heart is what Gods want. Don’t hide under religion. Majority of people are doing irritating acts cos they hide under religion.

Your man would definitely come back to his senses.

See, we men like tasting fresh meat, it’s in nature, it takes glory of God to desist from that acts.