₦airaland Forum

Philip94:
Lately, MY LEGALLY MARRIED WIFE TOLD ME THAT SHE NO LONGER FEEL CONNECTED AND FEEL LOVE FOR ME ANY MORE. I asked her to tell me one or more reason why she said that but her response was NOTHING. .

Klass99:
Seven words.....some men need to seriously man up!

This thread and the other one where OP complained of his very rude and disrespectful wife in Germany, has me wondering what the hell is wrong with some men?

The kind of mindset I have as a woman, if I was a man with that same mindset some women will suffer o. I can't be the one doing the heavy financial lifting in our household, then you'll be giving me attitude and disrespecting me on top of it again, you dey ment nii?

It is annoying the number of threads authored by men with a similar theme, who are all wailing about the same issue. This nauseating behaviour of theirs, is the reason they also stand by and watch their wives maltreat or brutalize maids, house-helps etc

They do nothing and claim madam will accuse them of taking sides or sleeping with the maid, if they intervene. I say bullshit! For as long as I am the one paying the bills, feeding her and our kids she better not be messing with me or mistreating anyone under my roof.

Philip94:
I work in a private fim and I'm okay in my own little way. I am the one providing the essentials at home coz wifey gat no job 4 now.

Philip94:
I have been married for almost a year but my marriage has been 30% sweet and mostly 70% bitter because I have an unforgiven wife who is ONLY concerned about what I said and did wrong but NEVER concern about what I did right. She gets offended easily, keeps malice and give me silent treatment at home. I've had private conversation with her MORE THAN 10 TIMES on how to find a lasting solution to wherever issues she has with me instead of her constant fault finding and malice. Despite my effort, all seems like a waste coz there is no positive change at all. Lately, MY LEGALLY MARRIED WIFE TOLD ME THAT SHE NO LONGER FEEL CONNECTED AND FEEL LOVE FOR ME ANY MORE. I asked her to tell me one or more reason why she said that but her response was NOTHING. She's practically creating space between us. She does her thing alone and does not carry me along in any thing and she wants same from me. She is doing everything to make the marriage stop while I have been the one sustaining and making the marriage work out. Her parents are not helping matters coz they are not giving me listening ears and have a way of supporting their daughter by twisting whatever I say to suite them. B4 we got married, we had quarrel and misunderstandings as other couples do and said abusive words to ourselves which we settled b4 our wedding day and I assume we have forgiven and forgotten about it. But with the look of things, my wife is tied to the past and will keep remembering what I said and did wrong in the past and she allows the past deed affect our present. Sadly, her unforgiving attitude and never ending resentment is badly affecting our marriage presently. I have tried everything possible within my capacity to rekindle back her love for me & for the sake of our marriage and 3 months baby boy. I suggested that we go out to a cool place just the two of us alone but her response is NO. She even said I can go out and have sex with anyone that she doesn't want SEX for now.
NOTE: I am the one paying all the bills at home coz she's presently jobless. Yet, I am not complaining. She is not stressed up as some may think coz there are helpers at home taking care of her and the baby. Please! What can I do to put a stop to this shit. It's affecting my emotion and psychology.

obiekunie01:
Bros dont worry we know you are not a woman.

You don't really know her...She is a woman... She is a definition of "the girl next door" ...

Got mindset of her own ... One of the young ladies in family section with brain... Just double check some of her post, u will understand...

But my brother, When she enter her sisterhood mood, e dey be like say she drink Bitterleave water mixed with Ginger Ale and from Obi-Akpo Local Government of Rivers State

Klass99:
Seven words.....some men need to seriously man up!

This thread and the other one where OP complained of his very rude and disrespectful wife in Germany, has me wondering what the hell is wrong with some men?

The kind of mindset I have as a woman, if I was a man with that same mindset some women will suffer o. I can't be the one doing the heavy financial lifting in our household, then you'll be giving me attitude and disrespecting me, on top of it without good reason, you dey ment nii?

It is annoying the number of threads authored by men with a similar theme, who are all wailing about the same issue. This nauseating behaviour of theirs, is the reason why they also stand by and watch their wives maltreat or brutalize maids, house-helps etc

They do nothing and claim madam will accuse them of taking sides or sleeping with the maid, if they intervene. I say bullshit! For as long as I am the one paying the bills, feeding her and our kids, she better not be messing with me or mistreating anyone under my roof.

With this particular post and submission of yours... Your male admirers will escalate to 67% .. they have started double checking if u are truly a woman... Meaning your submission have broken the sisterhood code and u will be made to pay a fine for readmission...

The thing is, marriage makes a lot of men more tolerant than when they were playing the field as single....

That's part of the undercover code that says my son has grown up,.. (ie he can leave under the same roof with a woman without setting the house on fire) that comes with a price tag as u can see... Some people tolerate so much that it now turns into foolishness...

Not withstanding, there are men ( married) who can not take the nonsense... it occurs mostly when the woman is in love more than the husband...
OP's marriage is young, couples therapy section would go a long way to help... But in a situation where that did not help, then irreconcilable differences is a 'yardstick' for separation/ divorce..

Philip94:
I have been married for almost a year but my marriage has been 30% sweet and mostly 70% bitter because I have an unforgiven wife who is ONLY concerned about what I said and did wrong but NEVER concern about what I did right. She gets offended easily, keeps malice and give me silent treatment at home. I've had private conversation with her MORE THAN 10 TIMES on how to find a lasting solution to wherever issues she has with me instead of her constant fault finding and malice. Despite my effort, all seems like a waste coz there is no positive change at all. Lately, MY LEGALLY MARRIED WIFE TOLD ME THAT SHE NO LONGER FEEL CONNECTED AND FEEL LOVE FOR ME ANY MORE. I asked her to tell me one or more reason why she said that but her response was NOTHING. She's practically creating space between us. She does her thing alone and does not carry me along in any thing and she wants same from me. She is doing everything to make the marriage stop while I have been the one sustaining and making the marriage work out. Her parents are not helping matters coz they are not giving me listening ears and have a way of supporting their daughter by twisting whatever I say to suite them. B4 we got married, we had quarrel and misunderstandings as other couples do and said abusive words to ourselves which we settled b4 our wedding day and I assume we have forgiven and forgotten about it. But with the look of things, my wife is tied to the past and will keep remembering what I said and did wrong in the past and she allows the past deed affect our present. Sadly, her unforgiving attitude and never ending resentment is badly affecting our marriage presently. I have tried everything possible within my capacity to rekindle back her love for me & for the sake of our marriage and 3 months baby boy. I suggested that we go out to a cool place just the two of us alone but her response is NO. She even said I can go out and have sex with anyone that she doesn't want SEX for now.
NOTE: I am the one paying all the bills at home coz she's presently jobless. Yet, I am not complaining. She is not stressed up as some may think coz there are helpers at home taking care of her and the baby. Please! What can I do to put a stop to this shit. It's affecting my emotion and psychology.

Philip94:
I have been married for almost a year but my marriage has been 30% sweet and mostly 70% bitter because I have an unforgiven wife who is ONLY concerned about what I said and did wrong but NEVER concern about what I did right. She gets offended easily, keeps malice and give me silent treatment at home. I've had private conversation with her MORE THAN 10 TIMES on how to find a lasting solution to wherever issues she has with me instead of her constant fault finding and malice. Despite my effort, all seems like a waste coz there is no positive change at all. Lately, MY LEGALLY MARRIED WIFE TOLD ME THAT SHE NO LONGER FEEL CONNECTED AND FEEL LOVE FOR ME ANY MORE. I asked her to tell me one or more reason why she said that but her response was NOTHING. She's practically creating space between us. She does her thing alone and does not carry me along in any thing and she wants same from me. She is doing everything to make the marriage stop while I have been the one sustaining and making the marriage work out. Her parents are not helping matters coz they are not giving me listening ears and have a way of supporting their daughter by twisting whatever I say to suite them. B4 we got married, we had quarrel and misunderstandings as other couples do and said abusive words to ourselves which we settled b4 our wedding day and I assume we have forgiven and forgotten about it. But with the look of things, my wife is tied to the past and will keep remembering what I said and did wrong in the past and she allows the past deed affect our present. Sadly, her unforgiving attitude and never ending resentment is badly affecting our marriage presently. I have tried everything possible within my capacity to rekindle back her love for me & for the sake of our marriage and 3 months baby boy. I suggested that we go out to a cool place just the two of us alone but her response is NO. She even said I can go out and have sex with anyone that she doesn't want SEX for now.
NOTE: I am the one paying all the bills at home coz she's presently jobless. Yet, I am not complaining. She is not stressed up as some may think coz there are helpers at home taking care of her and the baby. Please! What can I do to put a stop to this shit. It's affecting my emotion and psychology.

Klass99:
Richy I will box your ears o! I wasn't looking for male admirers or male validation. I have said it more than once on this forum that I don't like foolish women and we need to tell ourselves the truth as adults, whether male or female.

This is not a boast or show-off, but I do honest work for a living and I pay my bills myself, major bills like rent, the monthly service charge, I send a monthly allowance to my parents, etcetera. So, I understand that it is not easy to make money legitimately.

I don't imagine it is easier for responsible men who do right by their families, to make this money either. When you now have a decent man who is not slacking off and paying bills you benefit from as an adult, you still want to misbehave! I ask again, you dey ment?

Some weeks ago, I woke up to a credit alert of 20k from a male friend (money I didn't ask for) I called him to verify if it was an error, so I could send it back. He said no it wasn't an error, I should use the money and treat myself to something nice. I was so touched and grateful by his generosity because;

1. I know it is not easy to make money legitimately and I understand the value of money, I respect every adult with a legit hustle.

2. For someone to gift you cash (even if it is 3k) they made a sacrifice to deny themselves of something, in order to give you that money. No one has free money lying around that they do not need.

3. I have been responsible for myself for so long, it felt good to be gifted cash with no strings attached to it.

Some married women have good men on a platter, who do right by them and their children but they ruin it with a bad and disrespectful attitude.

Imagine if this OP starts cheating on his wife now, this same woman will turn around to rain insults on single women like me, claiming we used jazz on her husband. Then she will start a 24 hour fasting and prayer programme for Heaven to restore her hubby and marriage.

As for the sister code, abeg ehn, the code does not apply to foolish women and you know I don't do herd mentality. Independent thinking is the secret sauce of my sweet life.

Klass99:
Lmao , I just saw this post. Your yeye dey boom no be today.

Philip94:
I work in a private fim and I'm okay in my own little way. I am the one providing the essentials at home coz wifey gat no job 4 now.

CharlotteFlair:
What was the nature of the problem you both had in the past that she continues to hang onto? I ask because, some sins cannot be forgiven. Once trust is broken, it never truly mends.

dawnomike:
Post partum trauma... Deficiency of DHA

She will come around

CharlotteFlair:
What was the nature of the problem you both had in the past that she continues to hang onto? I ask because, some sins cannot be forgiven. Once trust is broken, it never truly mends.

Penguin2:
I guess your “little” way is not enough for your wife and her parents except they have something else against you.

Another thing I’m seeing is that you married someone you love and not someone that loves you.

Possibly you were led by her beauty and you sadly ignored the absence of mental connection between the both of you which is what has gotten worse now.

I don’t know what happens between you and your wife from here, but when next you are looking for a wife to settle down with, make sure she’s your gist mate.

Make sure you guys have the same world view; same convictions about life.

Make sure the woman genuinely cares about you and not somebody you chased for years.

Beauty should come distant last.

Philip94:
I have been married for almost a year but my marriage has been 30% sweet and mostly 70% bitter because I have an unforgiven wife who is ONLY concerned about what I said and did wrong but NEVER concern about what I did right. She gets offended easily, keeps malice and give me silent treatment at home. I've had private conversation with her MORE THAN 10 TIMES on how to find a lasting solution to wherever issues she has with me instead of her constant fault finding and malice. Despite my effort, all seems like a waste coz there is no positive change at all. Lately, MY LEGALLY MARRIED WIFE TOLD ME THAT SHE NO LONGER FEEL CONNECTED AND FEEL LOVE FOR ME ANY MORE. I asked her to tell me one or more reason why she said that but her response was NOTHING. She's practically creating space between us. She does her thing alone and does not carry me along in any thing and she wants same from me. She is doing everything to make the marriage stop while I have been the one sustaining and making the marriage work out. Her parents are not helping matters coz they are not giving me listening ears and have a way of supporting their daughter by twisting whatever I say to suite them. B4 we got married, we had quarrel and misunderstandings as other couples do and said abusive words to ourselves which we settled b4 our wedding day and I assume we have forgiven and forgotten about it. But with the look of things, my wife is tied to the past and will keep remembering what I said and did wrong in the past and she allows the past deed affect our present. Sadly, her unforgiving attitude and never ending resentment is badly affecting our marriage presently. I have tried everything possible within my capacity to rekindle back her love for me & for the sake of our marriage and 3 months baby boy. I suggested that we go out to a cool place just the two of us alone but her response is NO. She even said I can go out and have sex with anyone that she doesn't want SEX for now.
NOTE: I am the one paying all the bills at home coz she's presently jobless. Yet, I am not complaining. She is not stressed up as some may think coz there are helpers at home taking care of her and the baby. Please! What can I do to put a stop to this shit. It's affecting my emotion and psychology.

Penguin2:
The problem is that you don’t have money

No Nigerian in-law supports his/her daughter against a rich in-law.

They thought you had prospects.

They thought things will turn out for good for you so you will be wiring them with money but it seems the reverse has been the case.

About your wife, she has divorced you psychologically and I suggest you do same physically by putting pen to papers and granting her the freedom she seeks.

Stop allowing her be in the driver’s seat in the whole fracas, she has occupied it for too long, take up the driver’s seat, go on offensive, sit her down and tell her that you have decided to grant her the divorce she’s looking for and if her attitude doesn’t change, sincerely, then go ahead with the divorce and let her go and focus on yourself and making money.

10 years from today she will look back and regret treating you like shit.

My 2 cents!

nellyelitz:
oh really? Why then did she marry the guy knowing that there are issues she can't let go or forgive completely..

gerizzim:
wt u said is part of the whole reason that led dis man to where he is ryt now. Dt is if he will admit.

He is a nice good man doin all d giving and loving while he was dating her. wheneva she was wrong , na d man go beg her make she stay maybe because she beautiful. He doesn't want to be hard on her nd call her to order the way a MAN shud do over his woman.

He was ignoring and overlooking her idiosyncrasies tinkin if she leaves d relationship, I may not be able to get anoda woman probably he felt I am advance in age to get marid. I dnt want to start all ova lookin for anoda woman.Dt is scarcity mindset.

Anoda reason, he wrongly assume that "I have money so I can control the woman" while he was weak mentally. He wasn't tough. He wasn't hard. He wasn't authoritative. He doesn't understand how to scold a woman in-between loving her. Most women wil succumb to a man if the man has some some of authority ova her. I dnt mean beat her or be harsh on her.

she is deliberately doin ALLL dis to you to see what you will do. How you will react or handle her.
Your leadership skill in d home is not strong. Work on it sir.
Oga, you are d head of dt house. Go back to your home and take charge.!