I really enjoyed this topic and the conversations that follow.

naijapikin2:
Celebrate where you find yourself dear, some are looking for miracle marriages while others are looking for miracle divorce... If you're not getting the best,just be calm no harm in looking further. You've one life to live , the right person will come. You can take that to the bank...ciao

Thank you for this.

Kobojunkie:
What's happening on the Nigerian dating scene has absolutely nothing to do with copying the west, so try to stay alert..

really?

NOwazobia:
I really enjoyed this topic and the conversations that follows.

Same here...

Reminds me of Nairaland of old.

alizma:
really?

Yes, really!

Kobojunkie:
Most Nigerians are in dire need of mental health therapy of some kind.

You can't blame them. The upbringing is at fault, the leaders and their penchant for greet is at fault.

Economy is bad, things are expensive. It messes up the psych and people that are not strong pass the anger to their family members.

Even minor therapy like travelling to clear your head is a luxury as most people can't afford it and you might even be kidnapped if you want to save by going on a road trip.

That's how relationships have become. I hope I find my knight in shining armour soon

Alexis11:


Same here...

Reminds me of Nairaland of old.

Yes. These was how we always chatted on the forum 2007 - 2011 before miscreants took over

Kobojunkie:
And where does this definition of yours come from?

That's what it is. Besides are you open to friendship?

Ussycool:
Some guys double date that is why they ain't commited and lack honesty. It is disgusting that some ladies out there are carbon copy of characters you point out.

Look debby, pray over things when your relationship is summersaulting. Men are turning to something else, imagine some guys claiming that MARRIAGE is a scam. How then do you think they will take relationship serious?

Two words here, hypergamy and polygamy, the two vices of that have captivate most people, and they don't want to heal themselves from of it. Our selfishness and "whats in for me?", instead of "what can I give?", is what has brough us to this mess.

For women, it's hypergamy on steriods. They may have boyfriend, even a husband, but his validity ends when a better (understand it as richer) dude shows up, she will dump the boyfriend, or cheat if she is married. Her loyalty, commitment is conditional, for better for stay, for worse for astray. It's exactly what Naira Marley meant when he said "she is not your girlfriend, it's just your turn".

For men, its destructive polygamy. For example, traditional polygamy holds such polygamous men to husbandry responsibilities and by law, he has to fulfil legal, parental, and paternal duties to the children/wives. But now, a man may even be married to one, but have unlimited mistress and no responsibility towards them either, basically ejaculate and evacuate, the women are merely a tool.

Although no matter how we mourn about the cesspit romantic marketplace, its as a result of our own doing, and this has been well explained in the doctrines of "the deregulation of the sexual marketplace". Quote me if you want me to write about it, to explain why its a mess. The bad news is that it will only get worse, not better, worse. Its common sense. When you throw away old cultures that works (your parent's relationship is an evidence), then you'll arrive at one that doesn't work.

Relationships by its very definition should be regulated in a societal level, then the individuals participating in it will abide by ordained protocols and traditions that are passed down from past generations who have tested all models and arrived at one that works. Not now where a kid of 13 that is not just naive and naturally inexperienced, is expected to make decisions as lifelong as Relationship, navigating the sea of toxic people all in the name of freedom and liberalism. It has a price, and its called decadence.

Datikwerreboi:

That's what it is. Besides are you open to friendship?

You didn't answer my question...And where does this definition of yours come from?

Even Married people of our generation are not left out. Married men cheating on their wives, married women cheating on their husbands and some end up getting pregnant for someone else but still lie about the paternity of the child while some even don’t know who the father is as long as they have their husbands there, it doesn’t matter. Married men beating up their wives and sometimes become fatal for the wives.

These are the primary reasons for divorce now.

And for the single ones, looking at what’s happening in this generation it is safe to say that this generation prioritizes sex more than anything else.
Sex, Partying, Fraud, ritual killings and drugs are what this generation is hung up on.

mirexxx:
That's how relationships have become. I hope I find my knight in shining armour soon

Are you yourself a maiden worthy of this knight you speak of? Or are you simply looking here for a knight to bear what is your weight and burdens without demanding the same from you?

pansophist:
Two words here, hypergamy and polygamy, the two vices of that have captivate most people, and they don't want to heal themselves from of it.

For women, it's hypergamy on steriods. They may have boyfriend, even a husband, but his validity ends when a better (understand it as richer) dude shows up, she will dump the boyfriend, or cheat if she is married. Her loyalty, commitment is conditional, for better for stay, for worse for astray. It's exactly what Naira Marley meant when he said "she is not your girlfriend, it's just your turn".

For men, its destructive polygamy. For example, traditional polygamy holds such polygamous men to husbandry responsibilities and by law, he has to fulfil legal, parental, and paternal duties to the children/wives. But now, a man may even be married to one, but have unlimited mistress and no responsibility towards them either, basically ejaculate and evacuate, the women are merely a tool.

Although no matter how we mourn about the cesspit romantic marketplace, its as a result of our own doing, and this has been well explained in the doctrines of "the deregulation of the sexual marketplace". Quote me if you want me to write about it, to explain why its a mess. The bad news is that it will only get worse, not better, worse. Its common sense. When you throw away old cultures that works (your parent's relationship is an evidence), then you'll arrive at one that doesn't work.

Relationships by its very definition should be regulated in a societal level, then the individuals participating in it will abide by ordained protocols and traditions that are passed down from past generations who have tested all models and arrived at one that works. Not now where a kid of 13 that is not just naive and naturally inexperienced, is expected to make decisions as lifelong as Relationship, navigating the sea of toxic people all in the name of freedom and liberalism. It has a price, and its called decadence.

Elder, you nor go kill me o..hahaha

" "the deregulation of the sexual marketplace"



Anyways I think I choose to see it through another context a brother raised earlier.

Majority of people do not have a life they are happy about, hence majority of people are not happy, let alone date. Why do I postulate this notion. Simple. 80% are busyin trying to stay afloat so they don't get drowned in the financial demands of today's living. This alone drains the energy, zeal and passion needed for a relationship



Dating is what we can get engaged with in positive frame of mind. With global economic chaos, many are unhappy and depressed, and are also in wrong places hence they can't meet people who should matter whom they should form and build meaningful relationships with.


Essentially, our global work lifestyle, expectations and ethics is colluding with normal human lifestyles and choking us all. I recall a psychologist saying something about this lately, he said these days people want to get everything done at once, workflow and processes that should span 3-10 years gets hurried so they can be executed within 1 year. The demands of our excessive work lifestyle pushes us to extreme fatigue, tiredness, loss of social time, need for more-me-time which in the aftermath cuts us off more social time, building bonds and forming new friendships. Hence, when the few friendships we form fail we blame people without conducting holistic checks on how we live and run our day to day lives.



We need to meaningfully build our social lives with the same energy we channel to work. And as we build social relations, expand our social network we connect with more people and probability may occur somewhere along the way

debbydams:
Dating pool is now a mess right now, a big mess. If you are already married, God has saved you. If you are in a serious relationship with someone who's goin to marry you, you are very luck lucky.

A lot of us are in relationships but single, you think you are dating someone but the person is not even dating you. I think we need to talk about how damaged alot of us are, how materialistic we have become, how sex obsessed most of us are, how selfish?

"I deserve the best" yes you are but while you deserve the best , is your partner getting the best as well?

Our generation is just too selfish.
It is always about 'you'

You want your partner to accept you the way you are but you are a bag of negativity and emotional liability, you are unstable, you are selfish, you don't look inside, you never tell yourself the truth and you want your partner to accept you when you are not even ready to change.

But you want people to change for you but you're not willing to change for them in return. Isn't that selfishness?

No sincerity, No commitment, No honesty, No love, just expectations without reciprocation.

We keep blaming our partners for our mistakes..

There's no day we won't hear about divorce, domestic violence, bf killing gf, gf stabbing bf ,

How long will this continue?

It's tiring

#Lalasticla

Okay

I can see that your post is for both men and women

The truth is that there's no true love again

Everyone is expecting to get something from a relationship and when that is not forthcoming, complain will set in.

debbydams:
Dating pool is now a mess right now, a big mess. If you are already married, God has saved you.

We keep blaming our partners for our mistakes..

There's no day we won't hear about divorce, domestic violence, bf killing gf, gf stabbing bf ,

How long will this continue?

It's tiring

#Lalasticla

Focus on yourself and other life achievements, work, money making, experience other pleasures of life like travelling to New places both local and international (whichever you can afford).

Things will sort themselves out later on.

Thank God for Ridpills and cos for always aggressively exposing stuff to us guys are wising up know and i assure you time will come when woman will be just useless unless u have something to offer Ridpill na u bikooooo

Kobojunkie:
You didn't answer my question...And where does this definition of yours come from?

Lol, kobojunkie let's move to something else naw.

Actually you could be lucky enough to get someone decent here on Nairaland considering how much we educate ourselves on relationship matters even tho there are still coconut heads but safe to say they know the dos and don'ts unless they just don't wanna act right

pansophist:
Two words here, hypergamy and polygamy, the two vices of that have captivate most people, and they don't want to heal themselves from of it. Our selfishness and "whats in for me?", instead of "what can I give?", is what has brough us to this mess.

For women, it's hypergamy on steriods. They may have boyfriend, even a husband, but his validity ends when a better (understand it as richer) dude shows up, she will dump the boyfriend, or cheat if she is married. Her loyalty, commitment is conditional, for better for stay, for worse for astray. It's exactly what Naira Marley meant when he said "she is not your girlfriend, it's just your turn".

For men, its destructive polygamy. For example, traditional polygamy holds such polygamous men to husbandry responsibilities and by law, he has to fulfil legal, parental, and paternal duties to the children/wives. But now, a man may even be married to one, but have unlimited mistress and no responsibility towards them either, basically ejaculate and evacuate, the women are merely a tool.

Although no matter how we mourn about the cesspit romantic marketplace, its as a result of our own doing, and this has been well explained in the doctrines of "the deregulation of the sexual marketplace". Quote me if you want me to write about it, to explain why its a mess. The bad news is that it will only get worse, not better, worse. Its common sense. When you throw away old cultures that works (your parent's relationship is an evidence), then you'll arrive at one that doesn't work.

Relationships by its very definition should be regulated in a societal level, then the individuals participating in it will abide by ordained protocols and traditions that are passed down from past generations who have tested all models and arrived at one that works. Not now where a kid of 13 that is not just naive and naturally inexperienced, is expected to make decisions as lifelong as Relationship, navigating the sea of toxic people all in the name of freedom and liberalism. It has a price, and its called decadence.

This is one of the most wonderful pieces I have read here for a long time.... I also love how peaceful this thread is....

The truth is that polygamy and hypergamy are animal behavior and they cannot be stopped, but they need to be practiced in a disciplined manner and with a conscience.

Well believe it or not, most men are tired already too. It's hard to find a good decent woman these days. Modern fad has so much intoxicated women to the point they wanna live like men. Imagine 'optionising' men and expecting them to be exclusive with you. It's against the natural instinctive ways of men.

How can women expect men to take them seriously when you make him think he's just an option as there are other men. If you don't get to choose who marries you then how can you dictate or give conditions ?

If our holy Bible says; "A woman may take any man as a husband but a man must choose his wife carefully "
Then why do these so called "modern" or woke specie set of women think it's their call to make? Men aren't wired to be chosen, we do the choosing. Many women of today are highly flawed morally, mentally, domestically. They went to school but aren't educated. Only for clout(Especially African Americans, Nigerians), they can't be womanly and be meek at heart. They feel that only rich or wealthy men deserve subservience or Submissiveness. If they can't get a rich guy, they'd rather settle for lapdogs or "simps" for a man as they're called here.

They flirt with reckless abandon leaving every womanly grace,decency and sacredness expected of them as virtuous women.

I'm unapologetically stamping my "manly" submissions on this matter because the truth lies in there. If you like call me a chauvinist or sexist or whatever, the truth remains that, women have bitten more than they can chew. We gave them undeserved power and now they use such against humanity by refusing to wear their garment nature tailored for them as women and desirable by men. They want the freedom to 'whõre' around and not be called 'whores', they think financial freedom equates 'independence' and hence feel they're worth having by 'real' men. They challenge the headship of financially incapable men, they think their little change in their purse grants escapable functions in the homes.

My dear, I'm also tired. Men of course aren't perfect either, we have the foolish ones who also don't appreciate good women due to immaturity on their part, and we have the wise ones who feminists dont like because they'd not bend the knee in homes when the resonance of financial power leaves them.

In relationships, it's the same thing, how can a man be exclusive with you when you damn his emotions and go on multiple dates with other men? A girl i know too well, believes, even while numerically aged,that relationship isn't her primary focus because she thinks guys would want her for having meagre change in her purse. Whilst not putting to consideration the fact that, men will only want you when you know how to appeal to their ego/feelings, not your ability to close legs, or your money, or even your beauty.

What girls don't understand when they optionise men is that, they get distracted and even if not, how do you know whom you like will like you back? If a woman thinks she can eat her cake and have it, well, look at the world today. Broken marriages, failed relationships, women stylishly crying,regretting to have worn the garb of "misguided feminism" ,ruining their chances at getting loved up by reasonable men.

Angelfrost:
Even a lot of the married ones are seriously tired... Many are thinking of how to get the hell out.

The truth remains that you can't give what you don't have... How can you give another true love when you don't truly love and value yourself.

As in eh. The married ones are even tired

It's just one finding peace with themselves, and try to get the most out of life. Because everything and everyone don cast

debbydams:
hmmmm... Wish some men can be straight with their intentions,like ' babe let's be hitting ourselves' but instead some men will promise you marriage and waste your time at the end of the day, they will leave, same applies to some ladies

But how many ladies will agree to a guy telling her 'babe let's be hitting ourselves'? If a guy says that to you will you agree to it?

Good intentions is the solution

PreciousBro:
Well believe it or not, most men are tired already too. It's hard to find a good decent woman these days. Modern fad has so much intoxicated women to the point they wanna live like men. Imagine 'optionising' men and expecting them to be exclusive with you. It's against the natural instinctive ways of men.

How can women expect men to take them seriously when you make him think he's just an option as there are other men. If you don't get to choose who marries you then how can you dictate or give conditions ?

If our holy Bible says; "A woman may take any man as a husband but a man must choose his wife carefully "
Then why do these so called "modern" or woke specie set of women think it's their call to make? Men aren't wired to be chosen, we do the choosing. Many women of today are highly flawed morally, mentally, domestically. They went to school but aren't educated. Only for clout(Especially African Americans, Nigerians), they can't be womanly and be meek at heart. They feel that only rich or wealthy men deserve subservience or Submissiveness. If they can't get a rich guy, they'd rather settle for lapdogs or "simps" for a man as they're called here.

They flirt with reckless abandon leaving every womanly grace,decency and sacredness expected of them as virtuous women.

I'm unapologetically stamping my "manly" submissions on this matter because the truth lies in there. If you like call me a chauvinist or sexist or whatever, the truth remains that, women have bitten more than they can chew. We gave them undeserved power and now they use such against humanity by refusing to wear their garment nature tailored for them as women and desirable by men. They want the freedom to 'whõre' around and not be called 'whores', they think financial freedom equates 'independence' and hence feel they're worth having by 'real' men. They challenge the headship of financially incapable men, they think their little change in their purse grants escapable functions in the homes.

My dear, I'm also tired. Men of course aren't perfect either, we have the foolish ones who also don't appreciate good women due to immaturity on their part, and we have the wise ones who feminists dont like because they'd not bend the knee in homes when the resonance of financial power leaves them.

In relationships, it's the same thing, how can a man be exclusive with you when you damn his emotions and go on multiple dates with other men? A girl i know too well, believes, even while numerically old,that relationship isn't her primary focus because she thinks guys would want her for having meagre change in her purse. Whilst not putting to consideration the fact that, men will only want you when you know how to appeal to his ego, not your ability to close legs, or your money, or even your beauty.

What girls don't understand when they optionise men is that, they get distracted and even if not, how do you know whom you like will like you back? If a woman thinks she can eat her cake and have it, well, look at the world today. Broken marriages, failed relationships, women stylishly crying,regretting to wear the garb of "misguided feminism" ,ruining their chances at getting loved up by reasonable men.

Salient points, let's break down in pieces for easier comprehension :


1. Well believe it or not, most men are tired already too.


2. It's hard to find a good decent woman these days.


3. Modern fad has so much intoxicated women to the point they wanna live like men. Imagine 'optionising' men and expecting them to be exclusive with you. It's against the natural instinctive ways of men.

4. Many women of today are highly flawed morally, mentally, domestically. They went to school but aren't educated. Only for clout(Especially African Americans, Nigerians), they can't be womanly and be meek at heart.


5. They feel that only rich or wealthy men deserve subservience or Submissiveness. If they can't get a rich guy, they'd rather settle for lapdogs or "simps" for a man as they're called here.


6. They flirt with reckless abandon leaving every womanly grace,decency and sacredness expected of them as virtuous women.


7. We gave them undeserved power and now they use such against humanity by refusing to wear their garment nature tailored for them as women and desirable by men.


8. hey want the freedom to 'whõre' around and not be called 'whores', they think financial freedom equates 'independence' and hence feel they're worth having by 'real' men.


9. They challenge the headship of financially incapable men, they think their little change in their purse grants escapable functions in the homes.


10. we have the foolish ones who also don't appreciate good women due to immaturity on their part, and we have the wise ones who feminists dont like because they'd not bend the knee in homes when the resonance of financial power leaves them.

DoctorOlasDesk:





Elder, you nor go kill me o..hahaha

" "the deregulation of the sexual marketplace"



Anyways I think I choose to see it through another context a brother raised earlier.

Majority of people do not have a life they are happy about, hence majority of people are not happy, let alone date. Why do I postulate this notion. Simple. 80% are busyin trying to stay afloat so they don't get drowned in the financial demands of today's living. This alone drains the energy, zeal and passion needed for a relationship



Dating is what we can get engaged with in positive frame of mind. With global economic chaos, many are unhappy and depressed, and are also in wrong places hence they can't meet people who should matter whom they should form and build meaningful relationships with.


Essentially, our global work lifestyle, expectations and ethics is colluding with normal human lifestyles and choking us all. I recall a psychologist saying something about this lately, he said these days people want to get everything done at once, workflow and processes that should span 3-10 years gets hurried so they can be executed within 1 year. The demands of our excessive work lifestyle pushes us to extreme fatigue, tiredness, loss of social time, need for more-me-time which in the aftermath cuts us off more social time, building bonds and forming new friendships. Hence, when the few friendships we form fail we blame people without conducting holistic checks on how we live and run our day to day lives

Youre not wrong, but what you wrote is not ONLY/SOLELY the cause, but ALSO part of it. For example you only need to look past countries with economical problems (eg Nigeria) and see it from a global perspective, then it becomes evident that the problem still persist. The dating pool in places like the UK and the US is even worse than Nigeria, Nigerians there cast their net to see if they can even manage partners back home although many are not doing that anymore. Having said that, your point is correct in the angle that people see relationship as an escape route for things they can't give themselves.

They expect it to cure their loneliness (becaue they are not their own best company), to improve their status (common with women, no love just materialism), to be given what they can't give themselves, thereby burdening the other partner with their own lack of self-development. For example, how can you be angry at me because you feel lonely? A person that can't be alone, to enjoy his/her company have no business in marriage. You must be whole, and your partner improves, instead of becoming the source of your fulfilment.

I've been thinking deep into this for the past one year, because I used to be a proponent of a man being the sole provider in a relationship, but after deep analysing of such dynamics, I had to refine it, that a man should be a provider on the condition that she can provide herself if shove comes to worse. Otherwise, one person becomes burdened by the other, because her "right" to be provided for is his "responsibility" and a burden to him, especially in a deregulated marketplace where previous sacrifice doesn't count if she think its time to move on.

torqque7:
But how many ladies will agree to a guy telling her 'babe let's be hitting ourselves'? If a guy says that to you will you agree to it?

I fail to understand the logic behind this question at all.

A relationship is meant to be an agreement/contract between two parties, meaning you are to enter into the contract with someone whose desire matches yours.

If all you desire is a fling, isn't it commonsense then to only look for those who will agree to this, and for your peace of mind too?,

pansophist:


Youre not wrong, but what you wrote is not ONLY/SOLELY the cause, but ALSO part of it. For example you only need to look past countries with economical problems (eg Nigeria) and see it from a global perspective, then it becomes evident that the problem still persist. The dating pool in places like the UK and the US is even worse than Nigeria, Nigerians there cast their net to see if they can even manage partners back home although many are not doing that anymore. Having said that, your point is correct in the angle that people see relationship as an escape route for things they can't give themselves.

They expect it to cure their loneliness (becaue they are not their own best company), to improve their status (common with women, no love just materialism), to be given what they can't give themselves, thereby burdening the other partner with their own lack of self-development. For example, how can you be angry at me because you feel lonely? A person that can't be alone, to enjoy his/her company have no business in marriage. You must be whole, and your partner improves, instead of becoming the source of your fulfilment.

I've been thinking deep into this for the past one year, because I used to be a proponent of a man being the sole provider in a relationship, but after deep analysing of such dynamics, I had to refine it, that a man should be a provider on the condition that she can provide herself if shove comes to worse. Otherwise, one person becomes burdened by the other, because her "right" to be provided for is his "responsibility" and a burden to him, especially in a deregulated marketplace where previous sacrifice doesn't count if she think its time to move on.

In all of these, it can't be argued that we have focus too much on work and our life problems and have become psychologically and internally introverted, albeit perpetually. That state o I only need myself and self-love gradually erodes the desire and need to find someone to mingle it and build a life with. We've become too self-reliant.


We need to first find the flaws in ourselves if we must find the cure we seek. Let's not forget, dating starts with wholeness

Where is franchasng. You don marry nor mean say we nor go need your elderly wisdom here bros

Kobojunkie:
I fail to understand the logic behind this question at all.

A relationship is meant to be an agreement/contract between two parties, meaning you are to enter into the contract with someone whose desire matches yours.

If all you desire is a fling, isn't it commonsense then to only look for those who will agree to this, and for your peace of mind too?,

But how do you go about knowing who will agree to this other than Oloshos and hook up girls?if you get introduced to a female or you see one and she got your attention will you just walk up to her and tell her you want you both to just be knacking?

As worst as it is, we still have decent ladies and men out there. Jus that the percentage is little.

The female factors have seen relationship as business as usual, it is due to poverty and lack. Have you noticed make over now sells unlike before.

I can tell you for free, over 70% of ladies are not marriageable, I have meet a lady, initially I asked are out, she asked me, do I have another car apart from the one I drive, she ask if I have a project ongoing?, etc I am like what da f**CK and so concluded that if I don't have anything close to that then she is not interested.

And so, this is the case ! I think there is still true love but it is rare. Like have said relationship to many Nigerian ladies is business while they think giving you sex they are doing you a favour ..

However, it is the mentality. What they think and how they see things. Poverty nah bastard can you see what it as caused nation. Many female factors are into 4-6 relationship and so how do you explain that ?..