₦airaland Forum

BluntTheApostle:
The truth is that no one can ever be emotionally ready for marriage.

The reason why divorce rate is very low in Africa is not because our marriages are doing well. It is because someone or both spouses are tolerating each other for the sake of their children or society.

Even all these marriages that have supposedly lasted the test of time cannot be certainly said to be lasting because the marriage is great, or because both partners are emotionally strong.

It is like workplace. Hardly anyone loves his/her job 100% but most tolerate their overbearing boss to be able to pay their bills.

We all always find reasons to be resilient in the face of adversity.

Thank you very much!. Just leave him alone he is a confused being.

TenQ:
Mat 19:8:
"He said to them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so."
Jesus said:
1. The law of divorce was not from the beginning (as God designed it).
2. A few thousand years later +at the time of Moses) was when the law of divorce was given by Moses (not God)

3. No where did God curse marriage in Genesis. God cursed the man, the woman, the serpent, the earth. In fact, the woman was now made to be independent of the man in Genesis.
Gen 3:16:
"To the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow you shall bring forth children; and your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you."

If Jesus said: from the beginning, it wasn't so about marriage, what else could it have meant?



If you look at the scripture closely, what Jesus was teaching was the permanence of marriage. Divorce by man is not recognised in heaven so that if anyone (married or single) married a divorced person, such commits adultery against the husband/wife of the divorced person.

Mar 10:11:
"And he said to them, Whoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, commits adultery against her."

Mat 5:32:
"But I say to you, That whoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery."


There is a difference between DIVORCE and SEPARATION!
Divorce is a permanent disunion of a union of marriage
Separation is a temporary disunion of the Union of marriage

faithfull18:
Some women need to start standing up for themselves.

Never let anyone talk down on you or go physical on you.

God abeg don't let anyone I know fall into the hands of these kind of men.

The latest death has brought alot of people out.. but I tell you that much more are hidden and domestic violence is both ways..we have forgotten years ago that that politicians daughter stabbed her husband in his sleep because he wanted to marry a second wife..Even the wife that stabbed chased his first wife out so she can be married..

It is quite clear that we have a dysfunctional society..and it's going to be worse in the future.. this is because the standard of child upbringing has declined so bad.. This generation overprotects their children and resists correction..when I was a kid, the society not only your parents correct you..Now even in schools, after paying millions in fees parents still call class teachers for examination questions.

Children are watching people cut corners, politicians are displaying stollen wealth and people are getting interested in living such lives without work.. The problem now is a faulty foundation whre morals are out of the window...

It is a pity that we are the most religious country on Earth but many atrocities are from us..

Women are really suffering in Nigeria,if it not domestic violence, it will be ritual or rape and terrorist forces them for marriage.

Prettygirl200:
Abeg shut that ur stupid mouth!!! Nonsense if u dont want ur wife to control u den don't marry an already made woman, go and marry the one u will control. Can u imagine the trash u are spewing with your mouth so u are supporting those voilent beasts that call themselves men?? May your sister's and future daughters marry the likes of osinachies husband in Jesus name. Amen!!!!!

Amen, if they are stupid like u

Mazterrr:
Ladies and gentlemen, I have read many valid comments here, and I must say the issue of domestic violence is on the increase everyday. The society at large must take this as serious issue. The causes of domestic violence can never be exhausted as it ranges from financial, emotional, traditional, psychological, intellectual, cultural, familial and even spiritual in origin. Domestic violence happens to both genders, but in most cases, the female folks suffer lethal forms of it, may be because of their fragile nature (not all sha). I believe no man would love to see his own sister treated harshly by another man. Now putting the blame on marriage is not true at all. Marriage wasn't designed to be a war zone. Atleast we never read that the first couple on earth (Adam and Eve) threw blow on each other.

Now we all here will do our generation good if we address our values. What values do you uphold strongly as a man. What values do you uphold strongly as a lady.
Personally, I tell myself constantly that on no account should I lay my hands on a woman. The same way I tell myself that on no account should I rape a woman. So one way of not being an instrument to domestic violence is to strongly entrench it in our values. The truth is that offences will always arise either in relationship or marriage. Finally, if everyone that visits this thread make a strong decision today of never to be an instrument to domestic violence under any circumstance, I think the safety of someone's daughter or son out there is secured.

Pls my points are totally my own opinion. Cheers.

Nice opinion but life has a way of making mockery out of all of us. You said you would never hit a woman but you've not left room for self defense. We have had women physically attack their husbands, we have women that are emotional abusers, we have women that have been caught poisoning their husband and women that hired thugs to come and beat their husbands. All these scenarios are not movies but real life events, as a man you can train yourself to be very disciplined, very stable and God fearing but what you cannot control is life itself. The same people shouting to the woman to leave if he ever puts a hand on you, are the same that would tell a man to be a man and forgive if the wife slaps him in public over a misunderstanding or he was seen with another woman. Once again, life has a way of clowning us all.

TenQ:
1.. No where did God curse marriage in Genesis. God cursed the man, the woman, the serpent, the earth. In fact, the woman was now made to be independent of the man in Genesis.
Gen 3:16:
"To the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow you shall bring forth children; and your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you."

2. If Jesus said: from the beginning, it wasn't so about marriage, what else could it have meant?

3. If you look at the scripture closely, what Jesus was teaching was the permanence of marriage. Divorce by man is not recognised in heaven so that if anyone (married or single) married a divorced person, such commits adultery against the husband/wife of the divorced person.

4. Mar 10:11:
"And he said to them, Whoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, commits adultery against her."
Mat 5:32:
"But I say to you, That whoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery."

There is a difference between DIVORCE and SEPARATION!
Divorce is a permanent disunion of a union of marriage
Separation is a temporary disunion of the Union of marriage

1. If you carefully examine the curse God pronounced in Genesis 3 vs 16, you will not the curse in question only applies to a man, and in marriage. Now, what is marriage itself? It is simply an agreement between a man and woman bringing them together as one. Now, in Genesis 3 vs 16, God not only reduces the woman(wife) by subjecting her desire to her husband, He also sets her husband to rule over her - essentially cursing their union .i.e. marriage.

2. The curse does not apply to a man or a woman outside of marriage but only to those in a marriage. This curse was not so from the beginning- Genesis 2 vs 24 - instead it came as a result of man's disobedience, rejection of God's Law.

3. Marriage itself is not recognized in Heaven, this since even Jesus Christ Himself explained that your marriages are of this earth and not the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - so how can divorce, born of God's curse, be recognised in Heaven?

4. None of those verses tell you that divorce is permanent. Matthew 5 vs 32 for instance refers to the divorced woman as wife still to the man who divorced her so becareful as you digest what is in fact written. Also none of the verses state that you commit sin when you divorce your spouse. What they instead continue to let you know is that where remarriage takes place, under wrong circumstances, sin is what results.

You will find all the verses regarding this issue in Jesus Christ's gospel at this link https://www.nairaland.com/7078665/divorce-not-sin-jesus-christ#111946256

If in the process of pushing her off she hit her head on the wall and die what will you say?

Yewandequeen:
see na to push her off and go your way. Make him no allow him crazy wife let him commit murder. But many can't contain it, that moment she locks his clothe up and block his way, that's when many loose it and the beating commence.

Magnoliaa:
Okay... here are investigations that have been made, asking questions and then providing answers. If you truly believed so, have you made this research before coming here to type what you just typed? Why did you jump into conclusions and went ahead to pronounce a verdict when you wanted more investigation to be made?

- These are facts about how poverty of women and domestic violence go hand-in-hand:

https://www.safehousecenter.org/the-intersection-of-domestic-violence-and-poverty/

https://cpag.org.uk/news-blogs/news-listings/domestic-abuse-economic-issue-%E2%80%93-its-victims-and-society

- Testimonies shared by victims of domestic violence themselves: REALLY READ IT AND DIGEST and do not go off about something else with me. You asked for findings, right?

https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/true-survivor-stories

https://safelives.org.uk/news-views/real-life-stories

- The behaviours of abusers, since you claim no sane man can just lay a finger on his wife without cause:

https://ncadv.org/signs-of-abuse

*

Did you know that the late Minister submitted her salary to her husband? Did you know that this husband controlled her account and was more or less her manager, wielding control over the shows and contracts she gets? Does that look like a woman who is bragging with the small money she has to you?

You also want to tell me that you've not seen people FOR NO REASON, who are wicked and always angry and always bully people? You have never seen an innocent person being assaulted before? You don't see kids get beaten when they've done no wrong... you don't literally see these things, since you claim these things do not happen without provocation?

Okay, okay, if a wife is verbally abusive to her husband, what did the husband do to provoke her to insulting him?

I know my gender, I can vouch for them here. No sensible woman with a correct head will start insulting a man if he didn't ask for it. Every man turns a woman into a beast of an emotional abuser. Check well, the man deserve it. Abi abi you want to tell me that domestic abuse against a woman is caused by a woman, but emotional abuse against a man is not caused by the man? You see how that sounds, yeah?

But if you believe women can be emotional and verbal abusers without a triggering factor, independently, why do you not believe men can be physical abusers without a triggering factor, independently too?

How about traditional, uneducated housewives who believe a man is the head and that divorce is not an option, who still get beaten on top?

These women are completely virtuous and submissive to their husbands and they don't make money, so they don't even raise their voices back at their husbands, yet they still get beaten? What will you say about that?

Oh, or perhaps you will justify the abuses Nigerians face in the hands of police, soldiers and SARS officials. Have you ever been a victim? Have you ever been harassed by someone bigger than you? Someone of a higher authority and you're helpless and defenseless? Boya, we should switch this on you and use you as a case study. I am anticipating your response. Let us see if you have ever deserved the injustice that has ever been meted out to you at one point or the other. Let's know if you're also responsible for it because of your mouth and your behaviour.

Oh, and don't come at me with you said, "some of these women." That's not going to fly with me. And what you will not do is have me believe there are c.r.a.z.y b.i.t.c.h.e.s who run their mouths and are bad, but that there aren't crazy niggas who use their hands and weights.

I like you! I like brilliant women. I don't do DMs if not I would have asked that we be friends. Damn!

Prettygirl200:
Yes ooo nice right up Ave been saying this, and I will say it again the day any useless man or guy born of a woman will raise his filthy hands to hit me be it in any so called relationship or marriage, I will make sure I damage his testicles and that will be the end of that so called marriage or relationship. I cannot and will never tolerate such from any USELESS man.

He raise filthy hands to hit you but didn't hit you yet, you now damage his testicles, then he overpowered you, the next thing that will happen to you, na you sabi. Why not walk away jeje when he raise his filthy hands? must you commit an act that will make him attack you viciously?

CSTRR:
We are talking about life and death.

In most cases, your wife can hardly be abusive to you to the risk of death.

She go nag you, abuse you, refuse to cook for you, even cheat on you.
But none of those are lethal most times.

It's only in rare cases where women become lethally dangerous.

But when men raise their hands on women, that is a lethal Force.
You can kill her.

The balance of power is different.

You didnt read to comprehend.... So lets leave it at that...

Kobojunkie:
Abeg stop shifting blame on the nonsensical! Na religion kick her chest in?,

Religion and what Pastors and Church members would say kept her enduring..
If religion does not brainwash you into believing that divorce is a capital sin,you would not sit around waiting to be pummeled to death..

Women "protect" their abusive partners for many reasons. Two of these reasons:

1. To protect the make-believe reputation and perception of the outer world.

2. Because some women are abusive. When you realize that you pushed your partner to the wall with your mouth, action, or attitude, shame won't let you speak up or seek help. Justice is best sought when your hands are clean. Imagine insulting his mother and you get a slap in return. How do you report this issue to the society that expects you to respect your elders??


By and large, only women can protect themselves by:

1. Marrying sensible partners
2. Don't tolerate abuse
3. Report issues that threaten your life and peace and
4. Learn to walk away. Take a damn break.

akeem0706514:
If in the process of pushing her off she hit her head on the wall and die what will you say?

wisdom is profitable unto the direct

For as much as av heard, no maga is worth dying for

donbenie:
Religion and what Pastors and Church members would say kept her enduring..
If religion does not brainwash you into believing that divorce is a capital sin,you would not sit around waiting to be pummeled to death..

But divorce is not a sin at all, not according to scripture. Even if, is religion to blame for her not separating from the man to protect herself and kids??

Bros no matter how a woman insult u, u should never raise ur hands to hit her, Just walk away when u know u re losing cool... as a Man U need to learn how to tolerate things and control temper

Paulianfa:
All these talk cannot solve any problem except one learned to understand what is happening in people's lives and home.
Some of these domestic violence are cause by women themselves cos they seems not to understand the ways of life.
I don't think a man with a right senses can lay a finger on his wife without something behind, u see all these women wen they have more than u, they wants rule over u, they want to control and becomes the head of the house, they will insult and abuse u the way they can.
And wen u stood ur ground, the whole world will be blaming you for defending ursef, they will now turn against u.


One needs to investigate and asked questions about domestic violence.

Yewandequeen:
wisdom is profitable unto the direct

It is well.

Paulianfa:
All these talk cannot solve any problem except one learned to understand what is happening in people's lives and home.
Some of these domestic violence are cause by women themselves cos they seems not to understand the ways of life.
I don't think a man with a right senses can lay a finger on his wife without something behind, u see all these women wen they have more than u, they wants rule over u, they want to control and becomes the head of the house, they will insult and abuse u the way they can.
And wen u stood ur ground, the whole world will be blaming you for defending ursef, they will now turn against u.


One needs to investigate and asked questions about domestic violence.

You’re sick in the head. Woman batterer spotted.

TONYE001:
Please point your readers to where I implied the bolded.

Secondly, I don't know your level of education but if you consider YouTube videos superior to published research works on standard, global journals, you may need to revisit the rudiments of academic writing.

Just to add: I actually cited a local publications in that piece.

Probably you don't remember all you wrote on that thread.......

You said you tube video is useless for reference.... however the perpetrator made the video, posted it and has never denied the incident

By the way, there are many published journal that have limitations. I'm more concern about the increase in DV as stated in your other thread......what it means is that the suggested solution has fail.....it is better to look for objective solution to tackle the root cause of DV that the chasing clouts and claiming victim

You only proposed that married be redefined......but didn't state how

When the Bible says that God hates divorce, God didn't mean he prefer you die in the hands of beating husband!!!

peacemara54:
No true christain will ever raise his hand up against his wife. Those you called christains are not. They just have that name because they goes to church. The foundation is Jesus. Not religion or going to church.

What should have been done in case of that deceased woman is this ; the parent should have reported the case to G.O of that church since he's is completely unaware of all the brutality melted out to her.

The pastor is in the best position to intervene and probably stop the violence. They waited all through till she passed on.

She also suppose to have informed her pastor about the situation for timely intervention. But she kept quiet due to ignorance . And that ignorance sent her to her early grave.

No matter what you pass through in marriage, never keep silent in the name of 'enduring' there is limit to endurance in marriage. Separation is not the way forward. Your spiritual leader and others should be involved. Never keep silent.

[url][/url]No matter how evil that man may be, if the head pastor intervene in that crises though , the solution may not be instantaneous, but she will still be alive.

What you call ignorance is what I call denial. She pleaded with those that would have informed the Pastor, why? She believed their prayers would change him. Did it? Even the pastor's widely circulating sermon online supports separation in a toxic marriage to save life. In other words, the pastor knows how difficult it is for people to change. On the issue of what a born again Christian can or cannot do, or what he does or doesn't do is not just theoretical but practical. I agree though that she and others in abusive relationships must confide in spiritual authority or family

Prettygirl200:
Yes ooo nice right up Ave been saying this, and I will say it again the day any useless man or guy born of a woman will raise his filthy hands to hit me be it in any so called relationship or marriage, I will make sure I damage his testicles and that will be the end of that so called marriage or relationship. I cannot and will never tolerate such from any USELESS man.

Mumu talk,
So as you wan damage his testicles,he will be watching you abi? Because he is father Christmas.
Upon all the school & church wey you go
You want to go physical abi

kazyhm:
Probably you don't remember all you wrote on that thread.......

You said you tube video is useless for reference.... however the perpetrator made the video, posted it and has never denied the incident

By the way, there are many published journal that have limitations. I'm more concern about the increase in DV as stated in your other thread......what it means is that the suggested solution has fail.....it is better to look for objective solution to tackle the root cause of DV that the chasing clouts and claiming victim

You have a way of twisting what I post. I remember ALL I wrote there and all I'm asking is that you show me where I wrote what you claimed earlier.

Another example. I didn't say YouTube videos are useless. You can look up what I wrote, it's there. I only wondered why you would place a YouTube video above published articles in recognized journals. Perhaps you are not used to research and publishing.

On that thread, the last few paragraphs are suggestions to stop DV. Also, lots of contributors aired their opinions and I want to believe that someone out there benefitted from our efforts on the thread.

I suggest you find time to read that article with a clear mind. When you do so, you can start a discussion there and I'd respond once I can.

TONYE001:
Oh boy! First time in my life someone calls me a female! Interesting.

My other thread is a work of facts; go there and you'd find published works I put together.

Instead of name calling and all, I really wish you drop opinion. It's rather sad that you resorted to questioning my gender.

This account has been here since 2013. No one ever doubted my gender until today.

A gender debate is too insignificant compared to the situation we have at hand. Since you consider my submissions emotional, I doubt we can have an intellectual engagement.

Have a nice time.

Your article was mainly gender based and you said debate on gender is insignificant?

You're still sounding like a female.... except your thread was a copy and paste.

kazyhm:
Your article was mainly gender based and you said debate on gender is insignificant?

You're still sounding like a female.... except your thread was a copy and paste.

My article is about gender-based violence, true, BUT debating MY gender is INSIGNIFICANT.

My profile reads that I'm a male and you accused me of being a female. Do we now leave the important issue of DV and begin to debate about my gender? Na. That would be a waste of time, effort, and online space.

See?

Prettygirl200:
Abeg shut that ur stupid mouth!!! Nonsense if u dont want ur wife to control u den don't marry an already made woman, go and marry the one u will control. Can u imagine the trash u are spewing with your mouth so u are supporting those voilent beasts that call themselves men?? May your sister's and future daughters marry the likes of osinachies husband in Jesus name. Amen!!!!!

His sisters are innocent. You are praying to see more Osinachis. I thought you should have prayed for him alone. You are praying to have more of what you already hate. You want the problem to loop forever.

Excober08:
All the women in these pictures are dead! All within a space of 5 months.

They were all victims of domestic abuse and they all suffered extreme physical violence in the hands of their husbands up until their deaths.

Growing up, I was told the reason many women stay in abusive marriages is because they don’t have their own money and they can’t run back to their fathers house….

Let me shock you!!!

All the women in these pictures were the breadwinners; they were all independently and financially well to do. They all had their own money and they were all richer than their husbands. They were all equally educated and relatively exposed; everything you know about domestic violence, they knew much more!
But yet! Yet! Their lives were ended by the dead-beat men they chose to love!

Dear Women,
If he hits you once, he will definitely do it again and again and again. And if you make excuses for him the first time, you will see yourself making excuses for him, over and over and over again.
Maybe one day he will change, but until then, leave! Because he won’t change if keeps seeing you to punch. He can only change when you leave him! So, leave now! Carry you bag and go. Just go! And don’t come back!

Under the flyover is better than a inside the casket.

We can blame society, we can blame religion, we can blame the church! But the truth is, you always have a choice and the choice is always yours to make.

Religion cannot go, tradition cannot go, society cannot go… only you can go!

If you love yourself, leave! If you love your children, leave! If you love your friends, leave! If you love your partner, leave!

The rate at which women are dying in the hands of their partners these days is alarming. It’s seems like the right question to ask is….Who Is Next?

A wife needs her self esteem and worth intact more than her finances.

TONYE001:
My article is about gender-based violence, true, BUT debating MY gender is INSIGNIFICANT.

My profile reads that I'm a male and you accused me of being a female. Do we now leave the important issue of DV and begin to debate about my gender? Na. That would be a waste of time, effort, and online space.

See?

The issue here is you're giving credibility to articles with a statistical analysis you have no access to it's data, the sample mean, etc over those you can analyze yourself to have an unbiased conclusion.........

kazyhm:
The issue here is you're giving credent to articles with a statistical analysis you have no access to over those you can analyze yourself to have an unbiased conclusion.........

Please, may I ask, are you conversant with academic writing? Every published work has a "Methodology" section where all the procedures of the research are explained, including the source and type of data and the data analysis method. This is so because it is crucial that any research work can be repeated anywhere in the world, anytime.

You can follow my sources and see their methods (+statistical analysis).

BRATISLAVA:
Do you think these dumb guys care about evidence? All they care about are the demonizations of women in their heads. All that matters is their indoctrination. Statistics and facts don't matter to them. What is surprising is that they are young and single and have such dirty thoughts about women. They are already going to fail at relationships from their refusal to learn, but they will always blame the woman for it.

Poverty is dangerous to a society, see the mentality of the men it breeds. Being illiterate isn't an excuse for the sorts of rubbish they post daily, because some will post with correct tenses but the amount of trash and bigotry is illiterate. It must be poverty, the drink of misogynists.

But in your heart of heart, you yourself know that your gender na wahala gender. Why do women hate women? You understand yourselves and your ways, that is why.

A woman is more wicked than a man. Women, childish mentality, very stubborn and mischievous too and woman will not even be able to control her own misbehavior by her own self.

Mostly, the abuse is not really meant to kill the woman but to correct and discipline her. So, you see, a woman has serious work to do on herself. Control her misbehaviors by herself (an impossible thing for your gender).

Many of your gender have killed their husbands for misbehaving too (either secretly, directly or indirectly) as women do not mostly have the strength to beat and physically abuse the man. But what I have highlighted concerning your gender above is the perspective of this whole issue that we keep ignoring.

I ask you another question: As going back to her father's house will be a shameful thing to any woman, is it not better for a woman to control herself and avoid misbehaviours and make the marriage work?

TONYE001:
Please, may I ask, are you conversant with academic writing? Every published work has a "Methodology" section where all the procedures of the research are explained, including the source and type of data and the data analysis method. This is so because it is crucial that any research work can be repeated anywhere in the world, anytime.

You can follow my sources and see their methods (+statistical analysis).

Let me tell you, I have published articles to my name.....this explanation is needless.......

There is no article without it's limitation expressly stated......drawing conclusions from statistical data can be tricky most time..... because the sample mean could be bias......

Statistic is mostly dependent on demography and the distribution of the sample, especially socially construed analysis....the variance and deviations is as important as the data itself, mostly important if you're going to implement the statistical findings and suggestions.