₦airaland Forum

setobaba:
shame shame shame!
Over 50 comments none has been able to provide a working and feasible solution..


@OP
He wasn’t drinking much before, yes same as many married man. His problem is money and nothing much, there are certain responsibilities he wished he carry on his own, but marriage is something difficult on some men.

Note for every addiction, you need another addiction to replace one.
You can’t just make him stop drinking just like that, you have to replace it with another addiction you convenient with till he’s able to come back on his feet. I smell a great man been dragged by so many things.
Another thing to take note is, he could have a guilty conscience about a particular secret he’s hiding. God knows if I ever commit or mistakenly commit murder and I was able to go free with it, I might end up drinking all my life or probably high on something else.
Come close to your husband, drink few bottles with him at home and tell him a secret you’ve never told anyone, you can form one if you need to, just to catch his attention to tell you a lot about what he’s facing. I swear a friend of his might know much than you self.

Replace his addiction with something else for now, probably smoke or coffee, just get him busy on something. I know it’s not easy cos things like this needs money to go by.

Augustwife:
On several occasions I have asked maybe it's something I am doing wrong or not doing at all but he keeps saying it's not me it is him. God knows I have tried my best to be a good partner/wife. I have no other excuse to leave aside from his addiction. Won't it be that I am leaving him because of a problem.
For the first time in 5 years I spoke to my mom about this(I didn't want any member of my family to know so they won't loose respect for him as I was really hopeful he would change), But i can't talk to her about it again, she would only ask me to pray that's why I am here on nairaland. I just want to hear other people's opinion and make the best decision especially for my children

FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..

Augustwife:
Yes. Currently drunk and that's why I created this thread

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..

FERNANDEZISBACK:
If it was working would she have created this thread?if it was would she have laid a complaint and go to her momma's house?
Be real with yaself boy.. marriage ain't a do or die nonsense..

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

kazyhm:
When a husband is having issues, fellow women advice dissolution of the marriage

When the table is on the opposite side, men advice the man should manup and take responsibility.


Marriage is a progressive work....not a destination.

yommyoke:
I'll say no to this your assertion, you hardly see niggas telling another nigga to man up when it comes to marriage problems anymore, it's all "safety first" now.
No one should advise this woman to continue with this deadly adventure, she should end the marriage asap if changes can't be made.
Imagine a man wrecking a business jointly built from scratch, that man must be so useless.
Divorce the idiot, you can consider your love for him later, but consider your children's future first if you already have them.

ibechris:
Madam,let me tell u something about men who drink alcohol uncontrollably.

Some were jazzed and some are actually addicts

But u see some of those women selling alcohol at various junctions, makeshift shelters, bars and name it. I remember I said "some",are using jazz or what I call juju.

U will bring all u your salary to them and go into debt just for them alone.
It happened to someone I know,but in the end,the guy died from poison...and he was the only son and only child of his mum.

U have to do something seriously.

FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..

incogni2o:
You are a very bitter soul.

And it shows more and more to everyone here not to take anything you say even worth looking at.

I understand, Life must have treated you with some hard knocks, but so it does many other people.

The way you come here to transfer that aggression to the lives of others is soo shocking.

I believe the Family will overcome this as everything in life is just a phase.

We come out stronger or battered.

You have fallen and chosen not to stand, Don't keep bringing others down with you.

But I want to let you know that it wouldn't end well for you if you continue this way.

micflo28:
Did you not notice this while dating. Women stop rendering children fatherless through careless decisions via divorce. Alcohol is not the only thing taking his money. Can he drink 120k worth of drinks in a week? His got a mistress and committee of friends too the help him sink the family’s fortune. It’s time you forget your husband, with maturity, revive the family’s business with discipline and take care of your children. Feed him and cloth him but never release a dime for his habits. Take charge of your family’s finances for your continued happiness. Women think money matters more than character of a man as regards marriage. It is character that gets and keeps money for a man. Always emphasize on character of a man.

Arielle:
You're a bloody liar. Show me which man has had a grievious problem caused by his wife that men here will advice him to "man up and take responsibility". If she were an alcoholic with all the attendant challenges of alcoholism, will he stay and help her? If she goes out and sleeps with another man, how many of you will forgive her and accept her back?
You people are a bunch of hypocrites who want what you are not prepared to give yourself. Yul Edochie had a wife he himself told the world was supportive and there for him when he had nothing. But he still stuck his wandering d^ck in other women and proceeded to marry one of them, shaming his wife before the whole world. The 'men' in this forum supported him, saying it was his right. Forgeting that she has rights too and was never told and given the option to enter into a polygamous marriage. Where were your 'for better for worse' adherents then?
It is a choice for the OP to make to keep supporting her husband. There should be no compulsion or guilting her into staying. Because most of you men are extremely disloyal and undeserving of a good woman. That is why many of you find your level with whores, wandering pvssys and lazy grasping women because like calls to like.

meetme01:
Addiction of any sort is bad and here is an example of the result.

Madam, I really appreciate your dogedness. I appreciate the love you have for your family. I appreciate the kind words used in your message. You a woman of substance and rare in this generation.

Ma, your husband is going through something you have not discovered. He needs rehabilitation where he won't have access to the alcohol or other stuffs he consumes. During rehabilitation, he would be properly assessed and I believe intervention will deduce what exactly is cause of his addiction.

He needs your help more than ever. If you stay in the South West, I can recommend rehab homes for you that treat service users like your hubby. Let him be checked into a rehabilitation home for proper assessment. Also, don't rule out the spiritual aspect. Silent prayers can also do the magic.

Any further assistance will be provided upon request here on nairaland.

God bless and keep your home,ma

zanebaddo:
what happens when he doesn't find money to take alcohol? Beg you? Steal from the business? Hit you if you don't help him with cash or the bars prolly sell to him on credit until he's able to clear the debt.

Zulu2022:
oga some b spiritual matters,de fit giv that man cup of drink fr dream use am swear fr am,tins de happen,not here to mk u believe oooh,abeg

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

Kobojunkie:
There is nothing spiritual about addiction....instead it is a mental illness of the behavioral kind.

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

kazyhm:
The world is becoming dump....by taking one incident as a fact to jump into conclusion, then mischievously referencing it for solution to all other unrelated issues.

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..

FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..