₦airaland Forum

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Dear Sis,

It is very unfortunate that you lost your husband when you were still young and your children too. Training children nowadays is not easy. They are influenced so fast! But it seems you left them to fend for themselves so early! When teenagers are allowed to go to the street to hustle, they tend to stray! This is the case. I wish u had known this from the beginning. At this stage of their lives, all u need do is to target a day that the two will be under your roof sleeping. Wake them up around 3am and cry to let them know that they are not doing your will. Appeal to them to stop their lifestyle and try gain admission to school so they too can be useful to themselves. Try this like 3 times. You will definitely see a change.

What ever you decide, always consider leaving the house for them for you to see tomorrow o!

MrBrownJay1:
its way too late to try to educate these misbehaving kids young adults. as you did your best, let them know that if they cant abide by your rules and respect what you say, they should GET THE FUKC OUT YOUR HOUSE. dont let these boys run your house as they please. anyone who believe they are too big to follow your rules, should go and get their own house and do as they please!

dont you have a brother/uncle who can tell these boys what time it is?!?!

@ Anobody please don't take the above advice. The best solutions is to find for them a Godfather who is a military personnel and if they misbehave , he has the right to wipe them.

ikennaoma:
My advice is simple. If u have a long distance brother or uncle. Take one there and another to another of your brothers house. They are too comfortable with you and the environment and must be separated

I support this... Seperate them to different relatives.

Mindlog:
Come up with more effective ways of disciplining your children without having to use belt on them.

Oga, In Nigeria, you cannot rule out the use of force in disciplining your offspring. It works. forget that western culture that people are adopting all in the name of civilization and being enlightened. Oyibo too dey whip their kids.

Channah1:
Hm... A similar case to the one in my former compound. The woman ended up having stroke and was taken to the village. A young woman in her late 40s for that matter.
Now the tout son walks around the whole local market with his friend taking weed and living a dirty life.

You better leave the house unannounced because taking them to their fathers village won't work. Who's gonna take them from you? Or you think they too will be gullible to let you bundle them down there?

Just secretly get a place for yourself and leave now that you're still alive and in one piece.

Raising male children in this era of rottenness among teenagers and youth is not an easy task even with a father involved.

Sorry to say this but I think Iike the woman I cited, you raised them up badly because I still know of some small boys that this woman's son grew up with and how they turned out well because their mother trained them well and never allowed them to go past the compound gate except they're going to school or on errands.
This one's Graduated from the uni and rented their own apartments before our very eyes while the other woman always supporting her boys in looking for trouble and fighting people in the compound will abuse and lash anyone that tries to correct her boys.

At a point she was even bragging that no brother in compound can challenge her son. This is a don that refused to go to school or learn any skills. No matter how hard the mother tried, he'll drop out or run away from where he's learning a skill. This he did until the mother came down with stroke.

Poor parenting could also be the cause of your predicament.

"Don't beat my child gang." This is how it always ends.

It's easier raising Male children now o than female children aswr

This can be so worrisome! Firstly, I will advise that you make a report to the police regarding their suspicious moves, that I will help anything otherwise occurred, look for some one to talk to them, them take a short break and rest! Hope you nva over pampered them while growing up? I pray they change

Women who say they do not need men in their lives, make una see am. God no be mumu. he designed the union of a man and woman in such a way that no one is useless.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

I feel sorry for the heartache they are giving you

Taking them to their fathers village may worsen their situation because they will contact their friends to send transport money to them and once they get that, you will never know their movements again till you see them on screen, either for good news or bad news

Have you tried involving uoir husband families or you families to talk sense to them

Have you tried seating them down have heart to heart discussion with them on how to move the family forward

If they made their papers in WAEC, they should be seating for Jamb to get admission then if they get there, they will be busy, though we have the good and bad in the school but they will be in the school environment that will remind them to be reading

At this stage inform and invite both families so that they will say their mind

Boys of these days are more problematic than even the girls

Very soon they will go into other bad vices, they are being naughty and giving you aches

Then put them into prayers because am very sure their peer group is giving them the pressure that comes with peer pressure

The one that already have a girl friend

Try and invite his girlfriend and have a heart to heart talk with her and she could be of help to reorganize the senior one

Go and date a soldier, he would reformat their brains for them. Of course I'm a soldier myself

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Thrash...... From what you wrote , you are an irresponsible mother too......

The importance of father in a FAMILY is highly underrated!
It is the hand you gave them while raising them that brought about this.

Ur son dn join bad gang.....

MrBrownJay1:
its way too late to try to educate these misbehaving kids young adults. as you did your best, let them know that if they cant abide by your rules and respect what you say, they should GET THE FUKC OUT YOUR HOUSE. dont let these boys run your house as they please. anyone who believe they are too big to follow your rules, should go and get their own house and do as they please!

dont you have a brother/uncle who can tell these boys what time it is?!?!

Everything you said is okay, but those children will not listen to any brother/uncle as it is now, the best thing for her is to take them to their father's village just like she said. My elder sister has a daughter who is even worst, the girl almost killed the mother from one problem to the other. I totally understand what you are passing through ma, send them away so you don't die before your time you still have your life to live, if you had remarried since you could have had two children or more now to consul yourself.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Madam, the only option you have now is, " Just quietly pack your necessary belongings and leave the house for them."
Note, do not let them know where you are staying. If possible, leave that state totally for them. Then, keep praying for them, they might change.

Because even you take them back to their Father's people, they would still find their way back.

Raising kids isn't easy even with both parents around. At the point it's only God or if they decide to change themselves.

You have made monsters.
They do not get here overnight, but you ignore the little signs.
Ma'am, it is obvious you can't handle them yourself again, if you have a male neighbour that can handle them and/or a relative, please report them.
Then, Set your rules, set a target, engage them more.
If there is no difference, RUN.

AllBlack:
You left them to grow wild and free, now you want to bend them when they have grown thorns all over? Ear rings and dreads. What next? Cult codes and drugs? Crime & pregnancy? Regular Gambling? You failed to read the signs early enough. The help you seek now is what you should have done 10 years ago. There is no way both of them could have turned out this way without all your little little silent approvals of their little harmless sins.

Is there no male figure from your side of the family you can talk to? Because for you to bring this matter to NL means you have burnt your bridge with their father's people.
Where is your pastor? Or someone they can respect because from your narration, they have learnt to cover for each other and are now forming their own counrty, soon to overthrow you.

Take them back to the village at this age? After they have blended with the streets this far? Good luck with that.

I totally agree with you on this, but the deed has already been done. What's the way forward now?.

OP as someone said, involve other family members and if they can't abide by your rules they should leave your house when they turn 20 to fend for themselves. Meanwhile if you are still interested go and remarry.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and worked to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turned his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extent of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11 pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privileges and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of HBP.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek mature advice, thanks.

Please help me push it to the front page

. Women are not built to raise a man. A man raises a man. Involve a man in their lives. Someone they can respect, and look up to. It's now or never if it's not too late.

Vicdgreat556:
It's easier raising Male children now o than female children aswr

It's not.

For a girl, las las, she carry belle, shakara don end be that. But the boys will join notorious gang and put you the parents in danger of cultists rivalry revenge.

Abeg, it's not easy to train a male child. It takes the grace of God and the involvement of both parents.

Being a single mom is a tough job

What teenagers do these days , you will shiver from unprotected sex, to hard drugs you name ot

threegees:
I feel your pain, madam.
Sadly, you allowed it get to this level.
However, it is not a hopeless situation.
Can you pray? Because discipline at this time is nearly impossible.
Please pray for them every day and night.
Don't say anything to them again.
Just pray for them.
I believe they will be mellow and listen to you, before they would become cultists and make you a grandmother soon.

Why are you forgetting what James, the brother of Jesus Christ said:

Faith without works is dead

Where is that in all your sermon above

The problem with not raising up a boychild properly is that they will show you pepper physically when they come of age. They will sell your house and steal your properties, beat and even K!LL you.

That's why raising a boy child requires serious effort. I can't say you did poorly just because you are a single mother afterall those armed robbers and r!tualist usually have fathers and I have seen boys who choose not to follow "w!cked trends" cos they pity thier SINGLE MOTHERS who suffered to raise them.

In any case, what your boys need is TALK, TALK, TALK. They are too old to be beaten by the way. How can you raise your hands on a 17year old boy? All the be@ting you have been doing obviously didn't work. Infact, from the age of 12, you shouldn't be flogging them. You should be doing more of talking and advicing on a daily basis. Use every story you come across to advice and teach.

Don't take them to the village. Pretend to have HBP and pretend to be bed ridden for two weeks. Don't bring a dime so they understand real hunger. Send them once in a while to go get food on credit from the shops on the street. Let them also understand shame. Insist that they caused you to be that way and be crying all the time. Work on thier conscience but not in a quarrelsome way. Sting thier heart and let them know they need you and should change if they don't want to lose you.
Let's see if they will change.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

If you fail to train a child correctly early enough they will give u hbp when they grow older.

I cannot overemphasised the importance of God in my upbringing if not im sure I would have been the worse thing u ever meet despite not coming from a bad background.

Kids need to have Godly training or atleast proper training on behaviour and respect to responsibilities and love.

as it stands now u have alot of emotional intelligence work to apply in dealing with them.

A strategy I use for stubborn kids when the withdrawal of privileges system doesn't work is to apply the reward system.

This simply means when they behave well or as they are told they get a reward. This works gor stubborn kids bt u must do alot of talking and counselling along.

TAKE THEM THERE AND FORGET ABOUT THEM THEY WOULD SO MUCH HARM YOU THEY ARE NO LONGER SEEING YOU AS A MOTHER BUT AN AUNT.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

You thought they were going to come save you from poverty shei? ..90 percent of kids never do anything for their parents

If you have any male relative who is well discipline & principle, kindly explain things to him & see if he can help pick up one. I believe if you can get one out, you can handle one and the possibility of the one who is away turning into a new life is certain.
But truth be told you are responsible for their irresponsible actions. You spoil them

I will give you a...

MrBrownJay1:
its way too late to try to educate these misbehaving kids young adults. as you did your best, let them know that if they cant abide by your rules and respect what you say, they should GET THE FUKC OUT YOUR HOUSE. dont let these boys run your house as they please. anyone who believe they are too big to follow your rules, should go and get their own house and do as they please!

dont you have a brother/uncle who can tell these boys what time it is?!?!

Telling them to leave the house would be the biggest mistake, because it will be their wish to leave the house and stay far from thier mother's interference, they will move into a friend's place and the rest are stories.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

lay curse on them both.