AllBlack:


Say goodbye to your sons forever if you try this as a single mom. You have not finished dealing with the influences they are reacting to then it is to go and join them with professional criminals and also brew more hate and disgust for you. OYO

CAPSLOCKED:


A SECTION OF THE WORLD'S MALE POPULATION ARE SAYING NO TO SINGLE MOMS. COULD IT STILL BE THE "EGO" FACTOR? OR IN ADDITION TO OTHER BAGGAGES THEY CARRY ABOUT?

odebmart:
Welcome to the club, I have four boys two young adults 19 and 16yrs, one pre-teen and a hyper active four years old. Am a single Dad.
Through all this challenges I eventually succeeded in making them into friends, sometimes parents leave issues unchecked until it gets out of hand then they try to fix it.
In the early stage of the child's life you play but discipline them well, when they get to the teen age, build strong friendship with them.
I always warn parents never try to strike or hit your children once they are 15yrs especially the boys you will create enemy for yourself.
My simple advice is sit them down and have a heart to heart talk with them, tell them about the great guy their dad was without trying to compare him to them, those boys need their father and has been hurting for years which is just playing out now, and please stop reminding them of how much sacrifice you have made for them, they know and appreciate it, accept them as growing men and treat them as such without acting weak, they will take advantage of it, give them responsibilities so they can feel that you see them as grown ups and they will protect you. As for the going out and wasteful habit, it started as an act of rebellion against you, but you can change that, though it won't go away overnight but gradually it will reduce. Just build back trust, make them into your friends, at first they will be on guard but after a while they will relax . Please never ever compare them to others. An lastly pray for divine help, most people don't believe in the power of prayer anymore but it still works.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Crvrider:


Try training two boys all by yourself and come give us the feedback...feeding, rent, medicals, schooling, clothing and plus the fact that you're out in the morning only to return at night.

AmDayo:
I will give you a candid advice and hope you take use of it. I was once like your son but thanks to my mum that took me to BORSTAL my dad is late 15 years ago..... You can reach out to me on WhatsApp 07037951395. You will be happy you did. Thank you

UpInTheSky:
Are there any decent, responsible males in your family who can
talk some sense into them/put them in check + serve as a mentor for them?

Or better yet, call the Police on them and maybe even have them spend 2-3 days in jail.
You'd want to show them that that's where they will end up if they don't start behaving.

ibechris:



My Bible recommended a rod...so I don't even see any wrong in using a belt after all,my neighbours used 2.5mm wire while we were kids on his children yet,they turned out well in life.

What works for u can't and will never for me. Parenting is a serious business for responsible parents.

Na talk like this dey make some children feel say them dey Europe or America.

Oga,we are Africans okey?

"Do not with- hold discipline from your son; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die" (Prov 23:13).

Reality3080:
it’s just as a result of over pampering

Nothing much,many single mothers have trained boys successfully

She might have over pampered them due to the fact that they lost their father earlier

ikennaoma:
My advice is simple. If u have a long distance brother or uncle. Take one there and another to another of your brothers house. They are too comfortable with you and the environment and must be separated

Mindlog:


Come up with more effective ways of disciplining your children without having to use belt on them.

LadyTara:
Did it occur to you that she might have been struggling to put food on the table for these boys to have time to raise them?


Even for a house with both parents,it's hard than for one person who probably goes out to look for money and come back at night.

Seeing their mother struggle and shut out every other aspects of her life to provide for them should be enough to make them coordinate themselves and not cause her pain.


People have grown up in the streets and used it as a motivation to live better lives. She could have easily given them out to relatives and go about her life.

In the end good upbringing or not , people choose what they let themselves get influenced by.

Originalsly:


Is it a after of choose one or other? ... put food on the table or train your child? Did it occur to you that most parents are struggling to raise their children?... most unable to provide their basic needs? ... but most do a pretty good job at raising their kids? Indiscipline doesn't come out of the blue at 17 or 19. Kids raise right be looking out for their parents at 17 .... spoiled kids either continue to look up for breast milk.... or look down on their parents. She failed as a mother.

Mindlog:


Yes, we are Africans and the use of 2.5mm wire as a means of discipline I would believe has made us better adjusted adults than the Europeans and Americans you mentioned.

If you happen to find yourself relocating to Europe or North America with your family in the future, Uncle person no go tell you to readjust.

In parenting, know when you cross over from disciplining to abusing and that is responsible parenting

odebmart:
Please don't listen to all those advising you to call the police on your son's, they will never do it to theirs, if you know a grown up they respect a lot, you can ask for help, but I advise you talk to them, chat with them, get them to open up to you, build trust, these are your children and not some random strangers, make them communicate with you heart to heart. Don't expect overnight magic but be patient, you change your attitude towards them and they will change also, maybe in anger you have told them severally that if not for them you would have remarried, find a way of retracting this statement and letting them know that it was out of anger you said so, even though you have the right to remarry but making them feel like a hindrance in your life will hurt them, I grew up with a single mom from a broken marriage, from your writeup, I already decoded all you did wrong, am sure you are a great mum because my mum is also but sometimes growing up I hated her a lot even though I loved her very much and my hatred played out through rebellious actions even though she showed me so much love as an only son with four sisters. Trying to control a growing man as a single mother is challenging but if well managed will bring great results, today I turned out great, like I said in my earlier post that I am a single father with four boys, I applied the wisdom my mom used in tackling me to them and it's working fine, today I and my mom are best of friends and I believe yours will turn out well also

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

UpInTheSky:
Are there any decent, responsible males in your family who can
talk some sense into them/put them in check + serve as a mentor for them?

Or better yet, call the Police on them and maybe even have them spend 2-3 days in jail.
You'd want to show them that that's where they will end up if they don't start behaving.

thrillionaire:
Using the belt or "rod" once in a while is an effective way, don't be e naive. The whites you're trying to copy are dealing with delinquent youths now shooting everywhere up at the slightest issue.

Saig:
It's late to met out any form of physical discipline on these ones right now. Best you can do is befriend them. Become their friend, talk to them gently and give advice. Get any responsible male/woman in the family or church to talk to them.
Summon two of them and tell them of your love for them and the sacrifices you have made for their wellbeing. You refused taking them to the village so that you could remarry thereby denying yourself that pleasure of love and companionship, all for them.

Ishilove:
All of you saying she didn't train the boys well are seeing life through a tunnel. There are some boys who will go astray no matter what you do. They are at a rebellious age and one needs wisdom and hands of iron to curb their excesses.

My phone was snatched right in front of my house in 2018 and thankfully stealing phones for the sake of the sim cards was not yet as wide spread as it is now, so I was able to track the phone and got the stupid boy arrested. Guess what? He was just 17 years and had bleached the life out of his skin. At that age he was already hardened. His widowed mother hawked bottled drinks and water for a living, and she was lamenting at the police station that there is no kind of beating she has not given this boy from an early age when he started exhibiting signs of truancy. She said she has taken him to 6 different workshops to learn handwork but after 2 or maximum of 3 weeks, he would quit. He rather preferred to loaf around. His uncles have counseled him, and even police men but he refused to change.

Some children are just bent on self destruction and it is only God's intervention that can save them.

Anobody, what you need now is to show tough love. Go to the police station in your areas and have a meeting with the mature, sensible ones among them. Trust me, it is not a new thing to them. They see these kinds of cases very regularly. Explain to them and they will advice on the next course of action which will likely be dispatching an officer to talk to your boys, or invite them to the station. They won't be arrested. They will only be counseled and made to sign an undertaking (this applies to the younger one).

Warn the older one that since he is now a man that wants to start staying outside without your consent, the next time he pulls that stunt, he will go and look for another apartment. The question here is will you have the mind to follow through with your threat? As for the smallie growing horns, get the police involved. I speak from experience.

And don't forget to pray. There is nothing too hard for God to do.

DKM123:
The problem with not raising up a boychild properly is that they will show you pepper physically when they come of age. They will sell your house and steal your properties, beat and even KILL you.

That's why raising a boy child requires serious effort. I can't say you did poorly just because you are a single mother afterall those armed robbers and ritualist usually have fathers and I have seen boys who choose not to follow "wicked trends" cos they pity thier SINGLE MOTHERS who suffered to raise them.

In any case, what your boys need is TALK, TALK, TALK. They are too old to be beaten by the way. How can you raise your hands on a 17year old boy? All the beating you have been doing obviously didn't work. Infact, from the age of 12, you shouldn't be flogging them. You should be doing more of talking and advicing on a daily basis. Use every story you come across to advice and teach.

Don't take them to the village. Pretend to have HBP and pretend to be bed ridden for two weeks. Don't bring a dime so they understand real hunger. Send them to go get food on credit from the shops on the street. Let them understand shame. Insist that they caused you to be that way and be crying all the time. Work on thier conscience but not in a quarrelsome way. Sting thier heart and let them know they need you and should change if they don't want to lose you.
Let's see if they will change.