Zaheertyler:
You lost them to the streets
Make sure they get university education
The experience might change them
If not
Na God oo
You lost them to the streets
No jokes

Street wey don hard only few niqqaz get to make it out being successful

Omoo, this one weak me. Raising male children singlehandedly can be really extra. But even if the junior won misbehave, senior suppose get sense. Taking them back to their father's village is not really a bad idea. I believe there is a work around this situation. Maybe you should start giving them little responsibilities. To be honest, at that age, it is difficult to reason with them but not possible. I believe you have uncles and they also have uncles who can talk to them. I pray God rescue your boys

You didn't start early, reason I don't pamper kids no matter their age. As it stands now, you can't do anything .. All your faith re God, just like Nigerians put theirs ..

Crvrider:


Pathetic response. You seem to judge and blame her for everything without first putting yourself in her shoes. It's hard enough for two parents how much more one.

You talk about burning bridges like you think it's a convenient thing for her to do. My wife's friend lost her husband in a car accident. After the burial, all his family members promised heaven and earth. Trust me when I tell you that today it's a different story, no one wants to help. When you don't know someone's story, next time, show empathy if you can't offer help.

See how your example is in total contrast with the narrative. But feel free to see it your way.

See how you get carried away by emotions and the woman's side of the story. Now who is the judge? Have you heard the boy's side of the story?

Have you sat down to think that those boys might actually be the true victims of horrible parenting in this matter? Or you are just being SYMPATHETIC.

Instead of giving advice from your phone, Why don't you show sincere empathy and ask the woman for her address so you can go there and sit the boys down for a chat yourself. Do that if you really have interest in helping but you will not.

Rexymania:
A woman can not train a male child

Don't blame her , it's never a woman's responsibility to train a male child , a cousin is a perfect example lost his dad (my uncle) at a tender age , his mom ran to marry another man and left my cousin and his sister's to cater for themselves

I believe you over pamper them and deny them the necessary discipline and correction while they were growing, simply because their father was late, that I think is the genesis of the current crisis. Unfortunately, it could be late now, what I'll advice is that you keep your lane and up your firmness, let them know you attach less relevancy and value them less if they can't listen to you, and if possible, remarry to bore new children.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

If they won't respect you as the owner of their bed and shelter etc They should start doing their big boys in their own rented apartment! Very simple! If they won't food on the table, they should start bringing something home if not, no food!

ikennaoma:
My advice is simple. If u have a long distance brother or uncle. Take one there and another to another of your brothers house. They are too comfortable with you and the environment and must be separated

Underrated best advice here
They need new environment with stricter guardians

You have bred monsters ,then clean your mess .

AllBlack:


You left them to grow wild and free, now you want to bend them when they have grown thorns all over? Ear rings and dreads. What next? Cult codes and drugs? Crime & pregnancy? Regular Gambling? You failed to read the signs early enough. The help you seek now is what you should have done 10 years ago. There is no way both of them could have turned out this way without all your little little silent approvals of their little harmless sins.

Is there no male figure from your side of the family you can talk to? Because for you to bring this matter to NL means you have burnt your bridge with their father's people.
Where is your pastor? Or someone they can respect because from your narration, they have learnt to cover for each other and are now forming their own counrty, soon to overthrow you.

Take them back to the village at this age? After they have blended with the streets this far? Good luck with that.

God bless you with this submission. You can't bend a fish that dried 10 years ago

babaireti:
You have bred monsters ,then clean your mess .

How ? .. it's not even her fault she's just an average woman , her husband is late just imagine the depression she must have went through .. such thing won't encourage you to discipline your child

It is very disheartening to suddenly see one's once adorable child turn into a 'monster'. Hmm, every parent here understand you madam. As much as this is a phase for them, God want to use them to teach us obedience. How obedient are we to God & His words.
You see that ANGER THAT BOILS in the heart when we see how much we sacrifice for them & yet they "pay us" like that? SAME WAY WE MAKE GOD FEEL EVERYTIME WE DISOBEY HIM. How does He respond to us? WITH LOVE!!! The lesson is that in spite of what we see, we must continue to love & pray for them.

Your boy will come around sooner that you think. Avoid making statements in anger that will put curses on him. Next time you remember or see how disobedient he is, run to God to ask for mercy for yourself first before asking for him. God bless you both.

Mindlog:


Come up with more effective ways of disciplining your children without having to use belt on them.

My Bible recommended a rod...so I don't even see any wrong in using a belt after all,my neighbours used 2.5mm wire while we were kids on his children yet,they turned out well in life.

What works for u can't and will never for me. Parenting is a serious business for responsible parents.

Na talk like this dey make some children feel say them dey Europe or America.

Oga,we are Africans okey?

"Do not with- hold discipline from your son; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die" (Prov 23:13).

Normally in sane countries,this is where police becomes your friend. Buh this our Nigerian Police are not your friend,and involving them would cost you some money and Las Las they won't do anything to help.

Qs someone suggested ma,get another house,live Dem unannounced. If u keep enduring,one of them will bring in a pregnant woman soon to the house. You will feed all of them with your hard earned money. Above all ma,pls pray!! Never involve the police pls....Dem go just scater you.

Find hustle give them make them hustle. Focus on them making money. Their head go correct when them dey hustle

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Originalsly:
I wonder of some people read before advising. One guy left ... said he is not returning home. How is she going to take him to the village?... or get someone to talk to him? They are 19 and 17 year olds... if they don't have respect for their mother then respect can only come by force. Who is going to do that?.. which family member or pastor? Their father passed since they were 9 and 7..... clearly she did not train nor discipline them. It is too late now... training time has passed ... bend the tree when it is young.... now here she is complaining that the old tree is not bending . Parents should take note... this is nothing new.

Did it occur to you that she might have been struggling to put food on the table for these boys to have time to raise them?


Even for a house with both parents,it's hard than for one person who probably goes out to look for money and come back at night.

Seeing their mother struggle and shut out every other aspects of her life to provide for them should be enough to make them coordinate themselves and not cause her pain.


People have grown up in the streets and used it as a motivation to live better lives. She could have easily given them out to relatives and go about her life.

In the end good upbringing or not , people choose what they let themselves get influenced by.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Dear OP, no doubt u made some mistakes by ignoring some red flags long ago and u didn't instil discipline when u shoukd have but there is still hope.

First u have to ask for God's divine intervention in all of this cos only God can do all things.
Next u have to apply the Carrot and Stick approach.
As for me i grew up learning with the stick. If u do anyhow u go see better STICK n ass
whooping.
Now first u need to take those boys to the nearest police station and report/have a proper conversation with the DPO or a senior police officer there. Report them and all their deeds to the DPO he will know how best to speak to them. If they wont change make it clear that u wont hesitate to lock them up in the station. A 17yr/19 old is not too old to be corrected.
Also u can look for an elder from your family or their fathers family as a father figure who will also speak to their senses. If possible send them on holiday for a while.
U need to set clear lines and stand by it without bending or else u will lose the last hope of bending these boys.
When I was younger i can never forget my fathers philosophy, "u either break or bend" n boy oh boy he really bent me.

If they wont yield to all this madam no fight them again, arrange better beating for them.
I have seen where a father arranged soldier to come and discipline his son for misbehaving. The boy begged and promised to change. Remember if u also spare the rod u will spoil the child. I can guarantee u them go bend. If they wont come back by 7/8pm lock the door let them sleep outside till the following day.
How old is a 17/19yr old that u cant discipline them sef. Dont allow your kids destroy before your eyes o!!! Make Gid help u

Please don't listen to all those advising you to call the police on your son's, they will never do it to theirs, if you know a grown up they respect a lot, you can ask for help, but I advise you talk to them, chat with them, get them to open up to you, build trust, these are your children and not some random strangers, make them communicate with you heart to heart. Don't expect overnight magic but be patient, you change your attitude towards them and they will change also, maybe in anger you have told them severally that if not for them you would have remarried, find a way of retracting this statement and letting them know that it was out of anger you said so, even though you have the right to remarry but making them feel like a hindrance in your life will hurt them, I grew up with a single mom from a broken marriage, from your writeup, I already decoded all you did wrong, am sure you are a great mum because my mum is also but sometimes growing up I hated her a lot even though I loved her very much and my hatred played out through rebellious actions even though she showed me so much love as an only son with four sisters. Trying to control a growing man as a single mother is challenging but if well managed will bring great results, today I turned out great, like I said in my earlier post that I am a single father with four boys, I applied the wisdom my mom used in tackling me to them and it's working fine, today I and my mom are best of friends and I believe yours will turn out well also

chukwuibuipob:
There’s even one that snapped his mum unclad pic and save it.The 2 boys beat their mum if she dare talk.If there’s no money to steal,they’ll sell her pots etc to play Bet9jA. May God nor give us misfortune children

Please tell me this is a joke.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

You need to brace up and follow this advice I am going to give you, because you are no longer in control.The only thing you can do now is to shock him.

You will need to visit a police station narrating your predicament and list your demands. All you want is for them to scare him with arrest for few hours and should help you to talk sense to him after threatening him. They have children too and understand your pain as a mother

Let it be in the morning when neighbours will witness it. If the girl sleep over in your home don't arrest her, better to do it when she won't witness it.

It was a tough one for my mother too when raising us as a single parent

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Arrange for area boys in the village to teach them manner's

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

It's obvious you spoilt them while bringing them up.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

This story o oluwo ninu oo have you been acting right bf them ? Like have they seen you with men

AllBlack:



Help which poor woman? See how you get carried away by emotions and the woman's side of the story. Now who is the judge? Have you heard the boy's side of the story?

Have you sat down to think that those boys might actually be the true victims of horrible parenting in this matter? No, you only think one way.

Solution? What can your online advice do? Captain HELPER! Why don't you ask the woman for her address so you can go there and sit the boys down for a chat yourself. Do that if you really have interest in helping but you will not.

Ogbeni u dont have anything meaningful to offer abeg park well. We all know she made a mistake in training them besides these are boys, they might not yield to her easily without a father figure. The mother has come here for help and all u can do is condemn condemn and more salt to her injury. If u cant help her with meaningful advice, mind your business and dont add to her pain. Nobodys life is all perfect including u.

You sef must have been getting out of hands all the way for you to come online first for such inglorious issue. They learnt from the best just a better version and a masculine touch. Enjoy your social investment. Sure you're pretty young to mother a 19/17 combo. The title of your post should rather be 'Half baked mum gets half baked kids'.
*Spits*

Rexymania:
A woman can not train a male child

Indeed. The success rate is very, very low.
It takes an exceptional woman to do that and by exceptional I mean either an exceptional disciplinarian or an intellectual.
Now at 17 and 19 years of age one will need to top all that with serious spiritual leanings to reverse a lot of deeply rooted psychological damage.
And if these qualities are not inherent they must be found elsewhere, with someone else.
Goodluck.

Arrange for both to be kidnapped and thoroughly beaten... Even get someone t disguise as babalawo wanting to use them for ritual. Then arrange a fake ransome pay after them spending days in a thick forest

I think that incident always changes people and bring them closer to God

AllBlack:


See how your example is in total contrast with the narrative. But feel free to see it your way.

See how you get carried away by emotions and the woman's side of the story. Now who is the judge? Have you heard the boy's side of the story?

Have you sat down to think that those boys might actually be the true victims of horrible parenting in this matter? Or you are just being SYMPATHETIC.

Instead of giving advice from your phone, Why don't you show sincere empathy and ask the woman for her address so you can go there and sit the boys down for a chat yourself. Do that if you really have interest in helping but you will not.

See who's talking about bad parenting. If she was a bad parent she won't come to a public forum to ask for help, she did just leave the house and not return and leave the boys to their vices and fate but instead she chose differently.

Try training two boys all by yourself and come give us the feedback...feeding, rent, medicals, schooling, clothing and plus the fact that you're out in the morning only to return at night.

Look, let me tell you something you don't know. Those boys owe that woman everything with their lives so if you want to hear their own side of the story why not get her address and go pay them a visit.

Ur head is very correct, wit ur submission here!

If d foundation be destroyed, what can any mortal do!

Channah1:
Hm... A similar case to the one in my former compound. The woman ended up having stroke and was taken to the village. A young woman in her late 40s for that matter.
Now the tout son walks around the whole local market with his friend taking weed and living a dirty life.

You better leave the house unannounced because taking them to their fathers village won't work. Who's gonna take them from you? Or you think they too will be gullible to let you bundle them down there?

Just secretly get a place for yourself and leave now that you're still alive and in one piece.

Raising male children in this era of rottenness among teenagers and youth is not an easy task even with a father involved.

Sorry to say this but I think Iike the woman I cited, you raised them up badly because I still know of some small boys that this woman's son grew up with ( in the same compound) and how they turned out well because their mother trained them very well and never allowed them to go past the compound gate except they're going to school or on errands.

These ones Graduated from the uni and rented their own apartments before our very eyes while the other woman was always supporting her boys in looking for trouble and fighting people in the compound will abuse and lash anyone that tries to correct her boys.

At a point she was even bragging that no brother in the compound can challenge her son. This is a son that refused to go to school or learn any skills. No matter how hard the mother tried, he'll drop out or run away from where he's learning a skill. This he did until the mother came down with stroke.

Poor parenting could also be the cause of your predicament.

Awon "Don't beat my child gang." This is how it always ends.

That is the benefits of single parenting. Too bad it always turn badly for the children. Madam! Look for a very high ranking military man like at least one star and make friend or explain it to him. You will be surprised and shocked that when any of that your bad kids sees that military twice he will either pack out or maintain. If possible let the officer approach them one on one for talks. I said high ranking officer because the junior ranks always misbehave. That is my one coin.

Cutehector:
The very reason why a child needs a father to put him/her in the right direction at teenage years.


Single moms just need put ego aside and get their kids a father figure.

I'm telling you.

Fathers wield a type of powerful control that keeps children in line.

God bless all fathers out there