₦airaland Forum

Neptunium:
My friend's mom in Nigeria is a single mother. His father, a civil servant, was killed in a car accident when he was 14. He's the second oldest, his younger ones were little when the father was killed, the youngest, a girl was 1. His mom, a school principal, singlehandedly raised all of them. No househelp. Till now, she has never remarried.

My aunt's husband is in the U.S working while she's in Naija taking care of their 3 kids. She's not a single mother however the point is her husband no dey around though he visits Naija from time to time.

In another thread last month i talked about some FB groups I'm in where lots of single mothers in Naija plenty, as in single mothers looking for husbands.

My point is there are single mothers raising kids by themselves, or mothers who get husband working abroad while they're in Naija with the kids or husbands working in another state in Naija while the wife is at home taking care of the kids. OP's wife no get excuse other than laziness.

Neptunium:
No househelp. Kindly go away. You got nothing to say here.

Militant1:
I will try to be brief and straight to the point.

My wife stays up late (11pm -12 am) every blessed day.... That's the problem.

We live in Lagos and have 2kids, 3yo and 8 months. My wife was working before but left the job when she gave birth. There is a job waiting for her when the baby is 1y6mnths, therefore she is a stay at home mom.

We live on the mainland but I work on the island so I live home as early as five. In our house we have all the amenities you can think of; 24 hrs light (NEPA plus inverter), running water, gas, 2 washing machines etc to make a home 95percent comfortable but my wife can't seem to cope and it started when we had one child.

She doesn't wash my clothes, my office shirts and suits are given to dry cleaner to arrange while my other laundry I do myself every weekend with the washing machine.

When I get home by 7pm or 8, that's when she now starts rushing to bath the kids and prepare dinner, so we eat by 9 or 10. Before the kids play play and play, by 11pm we are still awake. Sometimes I go to bed by midnight and have to wake up by 4am to go to work again. It's impacting on my health and my work. She will sleep by 12 am and wake up by 8 or 9am the following day.

I have tried to beg and appeal to her. If I eat out and come home to just sleep, she go dey vex. If I just come home shower and sleep the kids who have passed their bedtime will be playing and when madam is ready to sleep they won't agree to sleep. She will beat them, guess who they will come crying to- daddy that just started sleeping and has to wake by 4am, I will now pet and pet till 2am before kids sleep.. I have advised her that kids have a bedtime(8pm). When I man up and off the tv by 9pm and tell everyone to go to bed, she says I am disrespecting her. She reports me to her mum.

Worse still our sex life is horrible... We have sex like once in 2 month.. At 35 I am in my sex prime and can Bleep everyday but she doesn't seem to care about me because she is always tired am I pity her so I don't demand sex so much.

I fully understand stay at home is not easy and I help her when.

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

I throw the trash every day
Na me dey go market buy foodstuff
On weekends I clean the house
I wash my all my clothes
I provide all the finance in the house
I satisfy her on the bed when we naka. She begs me that she's tired
I buy her gifts, drop 3k for her everyday
Why should we have a house help when she is a stat at home mum (for now)

So what's the problem..


Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

Neptunium:
No househelp. Kindly go away. You got nothing to say here.

Neptunium:
Don't mind the rubbish wey that one dey talk. The wife has it very easy. What about single mothers with 5 kids holding it down by themselves? This one get 2 kids, caring husband wey provide everything for house, wey wash his own clothes, wey come home no food to eat, wey get sex once in two months, and one yeye somebody dey talk say her activities are too much. What activities? From 12 to 5 she's free doing nothing other than watching movies, chill. By 7 or 8pm the kids are back home yet haven't eaten or bathed. OP comes home no food to eat. What is she doing from 12 to 8? Watching BB Naija reruns or wetin?

Karleb:
Do you know the meaning of depression?
You people are claiming house wife work is harder than 9 - 5?
Omo!

BusinessPlan22:
go marry a slave

bukatyne:
I don't have a problem with the help if she wants it; she should however be responsible enough to ensure there is food as at when due and her husband gets the required rest.

Helpout12345:
I don't agree that he should just give her house help because she wants it. If she is overwhelmed, and they can afford it, yes.

Giving her house help just because she wants will lead to maltreatment of the house help. Such people that are lazy or have time management problems themselves will turn the house help to a slave in the house.

Klass99:
At the bolded, I have reservations about a help because the matriarch hasn't mastered her home, she doesn't have a firm grip on a routine that works for everyone, she's not staying on top of things, but a help will now be hired and expected to achieve a feat even she hasn't been able to achieve, on top of how much?

Sooner or later the help will start to look overused and abused from being overworked, because madam would have practically left 95% of home chores to her, I've seen this play out in different households I'm familiar with. Some women will sit in the living room watching TV and ask the help to make them a meal, while she's in the kitchen doing that, they start shouting Grace come and carry Junior he is disturbing me.

Does it not make sense that while Grace is cooking, you mind the child you gave birth to? But no, they want to offload that responsibility to the help as well. A help in some instances means a complete hands off from house work and motherhood duties for some women.

And for women who have not shown care or effort in reasonably managing their homes, premium tears awaits someone else hired as a help, they do all the work for very little benefit. If I were her husband she must adjust and create a workable routine for our home first, before I consider bringing on a help and if I do her duties will mostly be limited to laundry and house cleaning.

GerogeI:
Get a house help. Instead of destroying your home trying to correct what.
If madam is not into it, get a side chick too. Keep everybody happy!

NoToPile:
Oga this your schedule no go work, time tables do not work when dealing with toddlers. I was just laughing reading your timetable. Nacking everyday . Welcome to parenthood 101. Sometimes mothers plan with a schedule but it just doesn't work, toddlers are very unpredictable, it's the time you want to rest they want to play. Its when you are all set for church or school one will want to poo or wee.

The issue now is cartoon seems to be a mechanism some mothers use to cope nowadays its not healthy but it gives some mothers time to do some chores when they are watching baby shark



Two things you should ensure,

1. Try and eat early so you would sleep early let her understand how eating early translates to sleeping early and waking early to a productive day means for you. She should try adjust the timing of cooking. Your sanity and health is very important to cope with the Lagos craze, understand that even your wife would also want to sleep early but she can't until the kids sleep.

2. Once you want the children to sleep, when they have rested after meal, switch off the lights from the change over switch. The whole house should be dark. Those little beings can be very smart, once there's light they will be shaking their little bomboms round the whole house. Once it's dark they will sleep, just put on small not bright Rechargable in the room and one of you guys stay with them they will sleep off sooner.

I believe those are the two major issues, as for Nacking everyday bros forget am e no go happen.

You also have the impression that a stay at home mum does not need a help, very wrong. Understand that the only time she can get some sleep/rest is if both kids are sleeping, one has to watch little children and never leave them unattended to.

If you guys can afford to, get someone to come in to do the cleaning/help once or twice weekly, she will have more time for Nacking


Now to your questions



Yes with the everyday Nacking part, also schedules almost never work with toddlers, in their creche it will but at home their comfort zone I don't think so. Your demands are okay with eating and sleeping early but these kids ehn

Kitchen no dey close oo, baby might want to drink tea by 2am. bedtime depends on a whole lot of factors, it can be as early as 9-10pm and as late as 1 am.

Most times a lot of mothers are still awake by that time.

Not totally

Blessedmercy8:
Hehehehhee... This op no serious. So all the activities in the schedule you created for her is all on her neck and hers to do. while your own is just to come and nack for one hour? Hahahahaha.. .. funny.

Maybe you think she's a robot that can consistently carry out those task everyday without any lapses.

Op, wehdon, Mr knacker.

VERDA:
I don't think he said anything about everyday knacking madam, he said they don't have sex for two months most times...haba is she the first woman to be married?.

NoToPile:
That means you didn't read his post, his expected schedule for nacking to be precise and we are telling him it's not possible he shouldn't expect that, even his fellow men agree.

Read it again and see the time he put for nacking everyday.

Militant1:
I

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

Rozross:
If all you type are true then take a drastic decision and call your wife to order and you should be the one to decide how the home is run since you provide everything. I dislike women who stress good men. Husbands should be tired of sex and not begging for it. Please take charge of your home and clip her wings so she’ll know what been a wife entails.

Kobojunkie:
You only told us of what your wife doesn't have to do all day but you forgot to tell us what you have observed her doing during the day, even on the weekends when you are home with her and the kids.

Anyways, from the much you have revealed, your wife may be struggling with mental health issues that you have yet to key into. Please try to suggest you both see mental health therapists either individually to help you tackle the stress in your lives. Do so as respectfully as possible as this is a sensitive subject.

You say there is a job waiting for her once your kid turns 1 year 6 months, if she is not able to cope at home, I doubt she will be able to transition smoothly to a busy work life if something is not done soonest.

Ishilove:
Aunty Ross, giving marital advice when you never marry or born. Doh oh

henrimoto:
you didn't take note of the other issues he complained of ...

Ishilove:
1hour nacks. Kuku kill her.

Militant1:
I will try to be brief and straight to the point.

My wife stays up late (11pm -12 am) every blessed day.... That's the problem.

We live in Lagos and have 2kids, 3yo and 8 months. My wife was working before but left the job when she gave birth. There is a job waiting for her when the baby is 1y6mnths, therefore she is a stay at home mom.

We live on the mainland but I work on the island so I live home as early as five. In our house we have all the amenities you can think of; 24 hrs light (NEPA plus inverter), running water, gas, 2 washing machines etc to make a home 95percent comfortable but my wife can't seem to cope and it started when we had one child.

She doesn't wash my clothes, my office shirts and suits are given to dry cleaner to arrange while my other laundry I do myself every weekend with the washing machine.

When I get home by 7pm or 8, that's when she now starts rushing to bath the kids and prepare dinner, so we eat by 9 or 10. Before the kids play play and play, by 11pm we are still awake. Sometimes I go to bed by midnight and have to wake up by 4am to go to work again. It's impacting on my health and my work. She will sleep by 12 am and wake up by 8 or 9am the following day.

I have tried to beg and appeal to her. If I eat out and come home to just sleep, she go dey vex. If I just come home shower and sleep the kids who have passed their bedtime will be playing and when madam is ready to sleep they won't agree to sleep. She will beat them, guess who they will come crying to- daddy that just started sleeping and has to wake by 4am, I will now pet and pet till 2am before kids sleep.. I have advised her that kids have a bedtime(8pm). When I man up and off the tv by 9pm and tell everyone to go to bed, she says I am disrespecting her. She reports me to her mum.

Worse still our sex life is horrible... We have sex like once in 2 month.. At 35 I am in my sex prime and can Bleep everyday but she doesn't seem to care about me because she is always tired am I pity her so I don't demand sex so much.

I fully understand stay at home is not easy and I help her when.

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

I throw the trash every day
Na me dey go market buy foodstuff
On weekends I clean the house
I wash my all my clothes
I provide all the finance in the house
I satisfy her on the bed when we naka. She begs me that she's tired
I buy her gifts, drop 3k for her everyday
Why should we have a house help when she is a stat at home mum (for now)

So what's the problem..


Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

Magnoliaa:

fman:
One hour is not much.
It's just prime....
Considering the stress of living in Lagos