Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

Hello sorry, I want to know are you done with school

Veiniously:
Hello sorry, I want to know are you done with school

I'm in my penultimate year. If not for the strike, I would've been rounding off by now

Can I marry you because you sound reasonable?

OP ma'am @Stargurl20
I believe this is the thread you were referring to...

https://www.nairaland.com/7368480/not-all-30yrs-old-ladies

And in that thread, the OP opined that the reason why lots of women in their late 30's are not married is because...

1. They were not approached by men
2. They tried to build with a man who later abandoned them
3. They focused on their schooling so they could build a successful career
4. They were played by men

And the OP now said and I quote "it is not always their fault" (And obviously, that's a BIG LIE!!) ...

By so doing, the OP was absolving women of responsibilities and not holding them accountable for the series of choices that THEY made which has brought them to where they are now ...

And holding women accountable is exactly what the guys in that thread was trying to do ...

What they were saying in summary was "most women are unmarried because it's THEIR FAULT" simple!!!

I agree that they could've been more diplomatic in their delivery , but still, it doesn't change the fact that what most men said in that thread was nothing but the truth ...

Lemme also use you as a case study too ...

You said "I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for.....I've rejected certain proposals..."

If for any reason you get to your 30's and you're still unmarried will it also not be YOUR FAULT? ...

Will you also say it's because "life hasn't smiled at you" or that it's because "life hasn't been fair"? Will you then blame life for your being unmarried? ...

Make the right choice today ma'am, e get why ..

I don’t agree with the narrative that a woman not been married at a certain age is due to one fault or another, but as a final year student, if you haven’t met anybody you like or the someone you like never approached you then there’s a bit of a problem. You are picky, you are shooting your shots too high.

eazzzy1:
I don’t agree with the narrative that a woman not been married at a certain age is due to one fault or another, but as a final year student, if you haven’t met anybody you like or the someone you like never approached you then there’s a bit of a problem. You are picky, you are shooting your shots too high.

See generalization. The lady came out plain to explain herself. Men like you love lies

Stargurl20:

I'm in my penultimate year. If not for the strike, I would've been rounding off by now

You are a good girl. May favour of all things locate you.
To all men still in stereotype mode to women or women of certain age, get a life.

Sweetplum:

See generalization. The lady cake out plain to explain herself. Men like you love lies

Love lies? How so? People date from within their circle, you can only choose from what’s available to you. If she has never liked someone who likes her, who’s she going to like?

There’s a difference between not wanting to date because you have other priorities and not liking anybody that has shown interest.

Although you are right on the generalization bit, I would think a 23 year old final year student would be getting a large number of “chykers” to not find anyone good enough, but this may not be her reality.

eazzzy1:


Love lies? How so? People date from their circle, you can only choose from what’s available to you. If she has never liked someone who likes her, who’s she going to like?

There’s a difference between not wanting to date because you have other priorities and not liking anybody that has shown interest.

Although you are right on the generalization bit, I would think a 23 year old final year student would be getting a large number of “chykers” to not find anyone good enough, but this may not be her reality.

She said her story. Are you her?
Stop this.

Sweetplum:

She said her story. Are you her?
Stop this.

I’m not quite understanding you, what exactly should I stop? she said her story to get opinions, to start a conversation right? You are not the OP, let her say I have said anything offensive and I would apologize for it.

too much high standard is what’s keeping them unmarried. Standards their dad didn’t have o.

Fahvvy:
OP ma'am @Stargurl20
I believe this is the thread you were referring to...

https://www.nairaland.com/7368480/not-all-30yrs-old-ladies

And in that thread, the OP opined that the reason why lots of women in their late 30's are not married is because...

1. They were not approached by men
2. They tried to build with a man who later abandoned them
3. They focused on their schooling so they could build a successful career
4. They were played by men

And the OP now said and I quote "it is not always their fault" (And obviously, that's a BIG LIE!!) ...

By so doing, the OP was absolving women of responsibilities and not holding them accountable for the series of choices that THEY made which has brought them to where they are now ...

And holding women accountable is exactly what the guys in that thread was trying to do ...

What they were saying in summary was "most women are unmarried because it's THEIR FAULT" simple!!!

I agree that they could've been more diplomatic in their delivery , but still, it doesn't change the fact that what most men said in that thread was nothing but the truth ...

Lemme also use you as a case study too ...

You said "I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for.....I've rejected certain proposals..."

If for any reason you get to your 30's and you're still unmarried will it also not be YOUR FAULT? ...

Will you also say it's because "life hasn't smiled at you" or that it's because "life hasn't been fair"? Will you then blame life for your being unmarried? ...

Make the right choice today ma'am, e get why ..

Guy,oil dey your head....Everyone's responsible for the choices they make and we must learn to live with the consequences of our various actions be it positive or negative..why? Because we made them!!!.....

Being unmarried at 30 as a woman, is definitely her fault cos its 98% likely that she made wrong choices and the result is regret and if you're not careful,it leads to severe depression....

The only problem I have with this gender is that they hate responsibility and they always find a way to put the blame on men....So frustrating

When will you finally find someone you like? Will that someone like you back?

You're just 23 and don't understand how life works yet. You think everyone that is married now has married their perfect choice?

Look, if we were giving a book to write our stories, nobody will write their story to be exactly the way they are living now. Everyone will want a better story.

The bottom line is that, there is no perfection anywhere, smart people try to make smart decisions all the time and not wait for perfect situations.

@OP, you are too naìve to talk about marriage.
You're an Undergraduate, in 7years time will you write this you have written? Pretending to not have feeling for anyone or rejected proposals.

You have no business in marriage for now, focus on your studies. When you're ripe, nature will tell you and your requirements would reduce.

The reason among others, many ladies ain't married is because of unrealistic requirements based on material things. An average Nigerian girl is looking for who will feed her in the name of marriage than who she would have good understanding with in marriage.

Below 25, ladies rise their bars so high on the "class" of man to date or marriage. Then, at 30, it becomes who is available and ready. No love! no feeling! Much disrespect from hubby! Then Broken marriages!

zed7:
When will you finally find someone you like? Will that someone like you back?

You're just 23 and don't understand how life works yet. You think everyone that is married now has married their perfect choice?

Look, if we were giving a book to write our stories, nobody will write their story to be exactly the way they are living now. Everyone will want a better story.

The bottom line is that, there is no perfection anywhere, smart people try to make smart decisions all the time and not wait for perfect situations.

Thank you.

For now, she thinks that the world is still revolving around her. After NYSC and reality of life sets in, she would understand

Stargurl20:
Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

Feelings, Feelings, Feelings! You are making the same mistake that has kept many women unmarried or lateness in marriage. Follow the wisdom of God, it's is for your own good:
1. God never commanded a woman to love her husband. He only asked you to submit to your husband. What you call feeling (love) is not your duty. If you find a man that genuinely love you and treats you like a queen, you better follow him. The feelings will come later.

2. Love that lasts is not founded on feeling but on informed decision. Also these nonsense you people watch in Nollywood movies has deceived many of you girls. Romantic feeling comes and goes. You don't build a lasting relationship on romantic feeling... ask your mother. If successful marriage is built on romantic feeling Nollywood Stars would have had the best marriages. Successful marriage and but on commitment and decision to make it work.
You better jettison this childish notion of rejecting committed, responsible proposers because of feeling. Girls like you fall for empty vessels that have sweet tongues because you are looking for poetic Nollywood romance. Men that have something to offer are not very romantic. They are busy people and men of action. They meet you today in six months they have paid your Dowry. All those jobless efulefus that are looking for free sex, will call you 24 times in a day and write long poems like Shakespeare and end up wasting your destiny and destroying your life. The efulefus are the kind of people girl like you fall for.
Sorry if I am very blunt. I just want to help you and many other innocent but naive girls out there.
If a man loves a woman very much, even if they woman doesn't love him, their marriage will work. Infact you the woman will enjoy the marriage more because the man will spend his whole life trying to win your love. But you as a woman, in the name of looking for feeling marry a man who doesn't really cherish you, you have entered hell fire.

It's is the same with sex. A woman most times is not in the mood, but if she submits to her husband in obedience to God, the feelings will come and she will enjoy also.
Finally, must girls who have spiritual husband doesn't have feeling for the right men that will better their lives. Those wicked spirit husbands will will supply plenty of feelings when the efulefus come around so as to deal with the lady. You better beware and be wise... good marriage is not based on feelings... except in Nollywood.

Late marriages is the major reason for increasing levels of female infertility and resort to very expensive fertility treatments and baby adoptions which in turn drives the baby factory business. At 23 years of age, you should be seriously thinking of marriage to a sane man( a sane man isn't usually the fun giving Playboy that is more interested in sleeping around).

greenermodels:
Late marriages is the major reason for increasing levels of female infertility and resort to very expensive fertility treatments and baby adoptions which in turn drives the baby factory business. At 23 years of age, you should be seriously thinking of marriage to a sane man( a sane man isn't usually the fun giving Playboy that is more interested in sleeping around).

at 23 they are still sampling dicks in choice hotels

Stargurl20:
Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

You are still in love with your ex that broke your heart, and you compare all men that come to you with this ex....if you end up alone it's not cos life did not smile at you, it's because you didn't smile at life cos of your past trauma.

czarr:
You are still in love with your ex that broke your heart, and you compare all men that come to you with this ex....if you end up alone it's not cos life did not smile at you, it's because you didn't smile at life cos of your past trauma.

Smiles. To a large extent, you're correct. However, I do not see all men as the same. Just as I don't believe all women is greedy, materialistic, feministic etc like you guys claim. I've just not been able to feel love towards someone else. I wish our emotions are things we have control over.

If you dont give people a chance...i.e, u shut pple out, right from when they say hello because they dont look like kiss daniel or dont drive a car or they dont look cool, they ddnt buy u iphone, they ddnt take you to fancy restaurant......u have yourself to blame when u have no one to be with... thats not life being unfair to you...we cant all get a davido, or dangote...

All these he's not my type, he doesnt have money, he has no white or blue collar job, he's ugly, not cool, not lovable, and what not, are all unconscious and conscience standards we have set for ourselves along the way that makes us not even give people a chance...
some women cant even date their course mates, their colleagues, graduates like them, let alone men of lower claibre

....the truth is ...men adjust their standards quickly and easily.....thats why a man can get married easily once he decides he's ready..not because he's a man....... a man can marry a jobless women, a maid, single mothers, fruit seller, pepper seller..etc

...when it comes to women.....he's short, he doesnt have money, he has HND, he has inky OND, he's bald, he's not cool....the day i heard a woman reject a man cos he's too gentle i knew some women will never have anyone to be with...

.some single mothers even reject single fathers like them ..then you say life is not fair..... okay oooo

...every person either man or woman complaining about not being married has turned down opportunities they ddnt even bother to give a shot with conscious and unconscious standaeds they have set

the world is full of 8 billion people.......the odds are stack up in your favor when it comes to having someone to be with and marry....so dont give me that cráp about the world is not fair.

Well you see, most marriages that survived the test of time wasn't built on love at first sight.
Every man that comes a ladies way for marriage(at least genuinely) deserves a chance. You don't just turn him down because you didn't outrightly feel that connection or the butterfly moving in your tummy the first time you saw him.
There's just a very thin line between love and hatred. That man you may want to turn down because you feel the connection or don't even like him, if you give him a chance may turn out to be the one to sweep you off your feet, while that one you expected to be the best will eventually make you develop such hatred that you begin to wonder what made you accept him in the first place.
All I'm saying in essence is that every man that comes your way with a clear objective, deserves a chance except you already have an idol of an ideal man in mind.

Stargurl20:

Smiles. To a large extent, you're correct. However, I do not see all men as the same. Just as I don't believe all women is greedy, materialistic, feministic etc like you guys claim. I've just not been able to feel love towards someone else. I wish our emotions are things we have control over.

U will have to try.......sometimes u just have to be patient to get to know people ......the unconscious or unconscious standards we set for ourselves is what makes someone our type or not our type, attractive or not attractive.... .

Sometimes lookimg past those standards will let you see people u thought arent your type are actually your type......

Stargurl20:
Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

All you need is a wicked man

Life happens to both men and women.




The reasons why our women are single are :


Culture


Economy



Religion/spiritual


Genotype


War


Professions


Behavior


Expectations from intending partners


Location

Etc

bobontop:


Feelings, Feelings, Feelings! You are making the same mistake that has kept many women unmarried or lateness in marriage. Follow the wisdom of God, it's is for your own good:
1. God never commanded a woman to love her husband. He only asked you to submit to your husband. What you call feeling (love) is not your duty. If you find a man that genuinely love you and treats you like a queen, you better follow him. The feelings will come later.

2. Love that lasts is not founded on feeling but on informed decision. Also these nonsense you people watch in Nollywood movies has deceived many of you girls. Romantic feeling comes and goes. You don't build a lasting relationship on romantic feeling... ask your mother. If successful marriage is built on romantic feeling Nollywood Stars would have had the best marriages. Successful marriage and but on commitment and decision to make it work.
You better jettison this childish notion of rejecting committed, responsible proposers because of feeling. Girls like you fall for empty vessels that have sweet tongues because you are looking for poetic Nollywood romance. Men that have something to offer are not very romantic. They are busy people and men of action. They meet you today in six months they have paid your Dowry. All those jobless efulefus that are looking for free sex, will call you 24 times in a day and write long poems like Shakespeare and end up wasting your destiny and destroying your life. The efulefus are the kind of people girl like you fall for.
Sorry if I am very blunt. I just want to help you and many other innocent but naive girls out there.
If a man loves a woman very much, even if they woman doesn't love him, their marriage will work. Infact you the woman will enjoy the marriage more because the man will spend his whole life trying to win your love. But you as a woman, in the name of looking for feeling marry a man who doesn't really cherish you, you have entered hell fire.

It's is the same with sex. A woman most times is not in the mood, but if she submits to her husband in obedience to God, the feelings will come and she will enjoy also.
Finally, must girls who have spiritual husband doesn't have feeling for the right men that will better their lives. Those wicked spirit husbands will will supply plenty of feelings when the efulefus come around so as to deal with the lady. You better beware and be wise... good marriage is not based on feelings... except in Nollywood.

See wisdom!!

I don't know why are the different negative post about late marriage or choosing not to marry at all.

Some marry late and have the best of marriage life. No be who marry first oooo, everyone has his/her time.

@op, nice one, sincerity is good, your man that you blow you away and wow you is coming, don't allow anyone's post get to you to make you change. meanwhile, its also better to love or go into relationship with someone that loves you very much, maybe more than you love them.

culf:
I don't know why are the different negative post about late marriage or choosing not to marry at all.

Some marry late and have the best of marriage life. No be who marry first oooo, everyone has his/her time.

@op, nice one, sincerity is good, your man that you blow you away and wow you is coming, don't allow anyone's post get to you to make you change. meanwhile, its also better to love or go into relationship with someone that loves you very much, maybe more than you love them.

But at least, you also have to have even an iota of feeling for them. I maybe wrong, but it's like most people commenting so far are misunderstanding me, and that's why I've chose to read and ignore their comments. When you at least like someone, you put an effort in that relationship. You anticipate talking to them as well as seeing them and more. I've stated in my post that I know love isn't enough in marriage, but love even if it is little from both partners, is essential.
I'm not building castle in the air nor have I set my standards too high as most commenters have stated. In fact, if I love a guy, even if he's as poor as church rat, I can spend my money on him if I have provided the love is mutual. I'm not the type who explains myself much especially not on a forum like this where I know there considerable amount of misogynists. But I know some few people will understand me. I'm also a realist, and that's why I'm worried at this age23. Ordinarily, some girls will think they are still at their prime age until they approach their late twenties. I understand time flies, and I'm a very futuristic person. I do not want a partner I would ever cheat on. Trust me, if a woman truly loves her husband, she will never share her body with any man. Any married woman u see cheating, then her love for her husband is questionable.

Learnt a lot from this little thread

Cc Nlfbmod, Mynd44

Loveladies:
All you need is a wicked man

Ok

I am interested in serious relationship, and with the way u reason, I think I will appreciate if we can hang around to discuss this, check my signature for my WhatsApp no, thanks in anticipation